Is it the end times?? March 20, 2006 12:21 PM   Subscribe

If I didn't know any better, I'd think the Apocalypse was upon us from the questions that have been popping up in AskMe over the past day: [1],[2],[3]

Did I miss something? Is it the end times?? Are we at DEFCON 1 Homeland Security level Red??
posted by 40 Watt to MetaFilter-Related at 12:21 PM (95 comments total)

Yeah it's like they've all been watching teevee or something. I noticed that too. On the other hand, maybe it's just springtime ootchiness and stockpiling is the new black.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:28 PM on March 20, 2006


You haven't heard?

See? This is what happens when newsfilter posts are discouraged.
posted by bondcliff at 12:29 PM on March 20, 2006


Desperate times call for desperate measures.
posted by crunchland at 1:05 PM on March 20, 2006


40 Watt, have you accepted Jesus as your personal saviour? If not, you're running out of time. The hive mind knows things.
posted by CunningLinguist at 1:09 PM on March 20, 2006


People saw what happened in New Orleans. They've just seen the deficit raised to nine trillion dollars. And that climate scientists warn we'll be slammed by the effects of global warming in the next fifty years.

They know a disaster is coming. If not this year, soon. And they know government will be impotent at best in the face of it.
posted by orthogonality at 1:30 PM on March 20, 2006


Every generation thinks the end is near. 100 years from now the chances are nothing will have changed, with the exception of someone else filling orthogonality's shoes telling us the end is right around the corner.
posted by justgary at 2:27 PM on March 20, 2006


justgary, you just blew your chance at me sharing my canned tuna with you.
posted by wendell at 2:31 PM on March 20, 2006


justgary, you just blew your chance at me sharing my canned tuna with you.

I believe canned tuna is dangerous. It'd give me cancer, or something. I can't win.
posted by justgary at 2:35 PM on March 20, 2006


They know a disaster is coming. If not this year, soon.
posted by orthogonality at 3:30 PM CST on March 20

Make sure to spell it "nigh" on your sandwich board sign. Long, unkempt hair will add to your credibility.
posted by dios at 2:39 PM on March 20, 2006


I still have 6 pallets of creamed corn and 50,000 D cell batteries left over from Y2k, plus 1200 yards of plastic sheeting and 500 rolls of duct tape from the diry bomb scare a few years back. If this keeps up, I'm gonna need to build a warehouse for all my fear.
posted by crunchland at 2:40 PM on March 20, 2006


Pay attention, people! The Rapture was last month. Didn't you notice all the truly moral people disappear?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:40 PM on March 20, 2006


Every generation thinks the end is near.

With the notable exception that all previous generations based their expectations on tortured exegesis of Bronze Age literature, while modern predictions are based on evidence of a slightly stronger nature. Time will tell, of course, but I think the comparison is unwarranted. Both cargo cultists and Apple's designers expect there to be more technology coming down the pipe, but I wouldn't compare the validity of their expectations, either.
posted by jefgodesky at 2:41 PM on March 20, 2006


Pay attention, people! The Rapture was last month. Didn't you notice all the truly moral people disappear?

But... but nobody...

Oh. Never mind.
posted by 40 Watt at 2:44 PM on March 20, 2006


BRB guys I just felt the ground sha
posted by jenovus at 2:45 PM on March 20, 2006


With the notable exception that all previous generations based their expectations on tortured exegesis of Bronze Age literature, while modern predictions are based on evidence of a slightly stronger nature.

I guess time will tell. If someone wants to build an undergrown shelter and stock it with canned food, more power to them.

I'm still waiting on the killer bees and flying cars.
posted by justgary at 2:48 PM on March 20, 2006


MetaFilter: a warehouse for all your fear.
posted by languagehat at 2:51 PM on March 20, 2006


I'm still waiting on the killer bees and flying cars.

They keep promising that, but all we seem to get are killer cars and flying bees.
posted by crunchland at 2:56 PM on March 20, 2006


With the notable exception that all previous generations based their expectations on tortured exegesis of Bronze Age literature, while modern predictions are based on evidence of a slightly stronger nature.

Really? Like the fear of nuclear winter during the cold war, or of oil shortages during the energy shocks in the 70s?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 3:21 PM on March 20, 2006


According to a sugar packet I once read, bees can't fly. It goes against science, or something.
posted by gigawhat? at 3:25 PM on March 20, 2006


Perhaps it is fear generated by the dire predictions in sci-fi coming true.
posted by Cranberry at 3:47 PM on March 20, 2006


monju_bosatsu, was global nuclear conflict not a legitimate threat during the Cold War?
posted by brundlefly at 4:02 PM on March 20, 2006


Dear AskMetaFilter,

How can I protect my chrysanthemums when the blood of the lamb starts pouring from the sky? Is this a simple tarp thing, or what? Thanks!
posted by milquetoast at 4:07 PM on March 20, 2006


I get all my SCIENCE from sugar packets.
posted by Gator at 4:07 PM on March 20, 2006


justgary writes "If someone wants to build an undergrown shelter and stock it with canned food, more power to them"


It's not me advocating tuna-under-the-bed, it's Bush's Secretary of Health and Human Services.

Tuna. Under. The. Bed. That's the Bush plan to survive Avian Flu.
posted by orthogonality at 4:07 PM on March 20, 2006


"Make sure to spell it "nigh" on your sandwich board sign. Long, unkempt hair will add to your credibility."

*snort*

+1 dios
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:11 PM on March 20, 2006


monju_bosatsu, was global nuclear conflict not a legitimate threat during the Cold War?

Sure. My point was that the fear of those threats was not based on "tortured exegesis of Bronze Age literature."
posted by monju_bosatsu at 4:19 PM on March 20, 2006


>I'm still waiting on the killer bees and flying cars.

>>They keep promising that, but all we seem to get are killer cars and flying bees.


This was superb.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:22 PM on March 20, 2006


I get all my SCIENCE from sugar packets.
posted by Gator at 7:07 PM EST on March 20

I get all my "sugar" packets from science.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:47 PM on March 20, 2006


They know a disaster is coming. If not this year, soon.

IN CASE OF RAPTURE THIS THREAD WILL BE UNPILOTED.
posted by yerfatma at 4:54 PM on March 20, 2006


the man from Mars is through with cars
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:56 PM on March 20, 2006


And ya tell me over and over again, my friend, how ya don't believe ........
posted by Afroblanco at 4:57 PM on March 20, 2006


This is one of those emergent-predictive-power-of-markets things, isn't it? In 2100, as our mutant great-grandchildren shiver around the fire clad in animal skins, the tribal seer will be recounting to his flock how their ancestors failed to heed the Oracle of AskMe and were duly punished for their hubris.
posted by IshmaelGraves at 5:14 PM on March 20, 2006


Dammit, now I've gotta speed the production of the Earth Nullification Device, else I'll never get a chance to use it.

Well, time to kill motivate some henchme
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 5:17 PM on March 20, 2006


n.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 5:18 PM on March 20, 2006


awww, Mama
kin this really be
the end?
posted by cortex at 5:26 PM on March 20, 2006


Thank you, languagehat. Beat me to it.

That's great, it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes, an aeroplane and Lenny Bruce is not afraid.
Eye of a hurricane, listen to yourself churn - world serves its own needs, dummy serve your own needs.
Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no, strength, Ladder start to clatter with fear fight down height.
Wire in a fire, representing seven games, a government for hire and a combat site.
Left of west and coming in a hurry with the furies breathing down your neck.

Team by team reporters baffled, trumped, tethered cropped.
Look at that low playing! Fine, then.
Uh oh, overflow, population, common food, but it'll do.
Save yourself, serve yourself.
World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed dummy with the rapture and the revered and the right, right.
You vitriolic, patriotic, slam, fight, bright light, feeling pretty psyched.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o'clock - TV hour. Don't get caught in foreign towers.
Slash and burn, return, listen to yourself churn.
Locking in, uniforming, book burning, blood letting.
Every motive escalate. Automotive incinerate.
Light a candle, light a votive. Step down, step down.
Watch your heel crush, crushed, uh-oh, this means no fear cavalier.
Renegade steer clear!
A tournament, tournament, a tournament of lies.
Offer me solutions, offer me alternatives and I decline.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

The other night I dreamt of knives, continental drift divide.
Mountains sit in a line, Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Brezhnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs.
Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom!
You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right? Right.

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it. can't I have some time alone?
It's the end of the world as we know it can't I have some time alone? and I feel fine...fine...

It's the end of the world as we know it.
It's the end of the world as we know it. can't I have some time alone?
It's the end of the world as we know it can't I have some time alone? and I feel fine...fine...

posted by loquacious at 5:50 PM on March 20, 2006


Suck on this sugar packet science. Also, I believe that my recent obsession with a zombie apocalypse is a dumb person version of this meme.
posted by ND¢ at 6:31 PM on March 20, 2006


Holy crap, loquacious, does the first line of those lyrics mean that REM predicted one of the great film classics of our time?
posted by SuperNova at 6:40 PM on March 20, 2006


snakes, an aeroplane. ha!
posted by shmegegge at 6:46 PM on March 20, 2006


Laugh all you want, monkey boys. But know this. While you spend all your cash on X-Box games the Mormons are preparing for the day when they - by default- will rule the earth.

Me? I plan on being the future Lord Humongous to their goody-two-shoes Roadwarriors. If only to prevent more films like Napoleon Dynamite from being made.

"Just walk away. And there will be an end to the horror."


posted by tkchrist at 6:48 PM on March 20, 2006


If you're stockpiling MREs, remember to rotate them out when they expire to maintain the palatability of those rations.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 7:30 PM on March 20, 2006


[farts, scratches balls]

er, apocalypse thing? plague of geese upon your house, yah, ascension of the believers, judgement and er, yah...

well, I cancelled all that. sorry to disappoint. decided to go with a nice arboretum instead.

[fidgets. scowls at you.]
posted by five fresh fish at 7:56 PM on March 20, 2006


I KNOW THE TRUTH.

This is all viral marketing for that new Mel Gibson movie.
posted by tweak at 8:08 PM on March 20, 2006


Wow. That is SO not how I sing that song.
posted by jrossi4r at 8:25 PM on March 20, 2006


Black.
posted by Eideteker at 10:44 PM on March 20, 2006


They know a disaster is coming. If not this year, soon. And they know government will be impotent at best in the face of it.

Wow. Source of ambient anxiety in an otherwise laid back person (me) pretty well explained.

Make sure to spell it "nigh" on your sandwich board sign. Long, unkempt hair will add to your credibility.

To hell with "Don't feed the troll"...Dios, you're an asshole, as usual. Crawl back under your Know It All But Contribute Nothing rock, or at least spout some law jargon you can jerk off to later.
posted by rollbiz at 10:57 PM on March 20, 2006


Shut up, newb.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:12 PM on March 20, 2006


Heh. I liked dios's joke.
posted by SuperNova at 11:25 PM on March 20, 2006


The world must be coming to an end. Dios writes something funny, is gratuitously attacked, and the wonder chicken flaps to his defense.
posted by rdr at 1:28 AM on March 21, 2006


Dios's comment flagged as fantastic.

I'm fully prepared for a (zombie) apocalypse.
posted by slimepuppy at 2:17 AM on March 21, 2006


the wonder chicken flaps to his defense.

Not that he needs or wants it, but I've done the same with regularity lately. I disagree vehemently with his politics, but the way he behaves is, as far as I've seen, far more in line with the spirit of this community than that of most of his detractors, let alone dimwit rollbiz, above.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:20 AM on March 21, 2006


I had a weird thought the other day: If some weapons researcher somewhere came up with a design for a device that, if activated, was absolutely guaranteed to destroy the planet - I mean effectively remove planet Earth from existence - would any government build it?
posted by NeonSurge at 4:04 AM on March 21, 2006


Somebody would build it. And somebody would use it. I have a friend who says quite seriously that if he had a button that would destroy the earth, he'd push it. We're a fucked-up, self-destructive lot, we homo sapiens (homines sapientes?). The advance of science will do us all in eventually; I'm just hoping it's after my grandson's had a chance to have a full life.
posted by languagehat at 5:08 AM on March 21, 2006


I give this thread a B+. Snarky whores knocked it from the topspot - dios, It's Raining Florence Henderson and Gator all win gold stars. The wonderchicken himself wins a free packet of pork scratchings if ever he is down Sheffield way and other people will be filenoted accordingly, affecting monthly bonus payments.
posted by longbaugh at 6:00 AM on March 21, 2006


Shut up, newb.

Aww. Now my feelings are hurt and I'm developing User Number Envy!

If this is your best contribution, we should be glad there's some new blood around.
posted by rollbiz at 10:46 AM on March 21, 2006


You presuppose that his contribution, weak and contentless though it may be, is worse than the new stuff.

For example:

To hell with "Don't feed the troll"...Dios, you're an asshole, as usual. Crawl back under your Know It All But Contribute Nothing rock, or at least spout some law jargon you can jerk off to later.

Classy to a fault.
posted by cortex at 10:53 AM on March 21, 2006


When I've developed a record of doing it, as dios has, there may be validity to your point.
posted by rollbiz at 11:02 AM on March 21, 2006


For what it's worth, you already stand out in my mind as being a self-satisfied loudmouth, as dios seems to in yours. Consider that your perception of the universe may not jive with that of its other inhabitants.

As for my point having validity? My point was a response to your own blanket defense of newbs in response to an (in my opinion wholly justified) attack on the statements of exactly one newb. Your point about new blood is hardly dripping with validity.
posted by cortex at 11:08 AM on March 21, 2006


jibe, of course.
posted by cortex at 11:08 AM on March 21, 2006


My point was a response to the fact that certain people who've been around for a long time feel that "newb" is all that is necessary to justify an attack.

As for you thinking that I'm a self-satisfied loudmouth, well...When I wake up tonight in a cold sweat, I'll know why. And what exactly does your dossier of 34 thousand users have to say about dios?
posted by rollbiz at 11:19 AM on March 21, 2006


This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whinge.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:22 AM on March 21, 2006


When I've developed a record of doing it...

You already have. I have the same reaction to your username as cortex. Of course, that's just the two of us. But if you keep shooting off your mouth this way, there may be more.

I just pulled a couple gems at random from your comments:

So afroblanco, take your bullshit callouts somewhere else as well.

Um, nope. We don't care.

I'm sure if I kept going I'd find more examples of your delightful line in conversation, but life is too short. Anyway, think about how you want to be perceived and act accordingly.
posted by languagehat at 11:25 AM on March 21, 2006


That I think you're a loud mouth is not supposed to trouble you in the dark hours of the night. That I think you're a loud mouth and that you do not care should suggest to you just how much anyone else cares what you feel like saying about dios or any other user on this site.

stavros could have taken more time to delve into your site presence outside of this thread, and had he done so, he might have tempered his statement; you seem to be making a good-faith effort in AskMe, at least.

But he was under no obligation to do so when you were display shitty behavior herein; and that you, like a number of other users on the site, have so settled in your mind the character of dios that you don't even consider your loudmouthed proclamations against him suggests you haven't exactly earned the careful, respectful consideration of the other folks in this thread.
posted by cortex at 11:29 AM on March 21, 2006


Languagehat didn't pull two gems at random, he pulled two comments from the same thread that were in response to snarky comments by others (as was this one, by the way.)

I've made two FPP's, and I think they were decent. I've answered AskMe's, and I think those were decent too. I've made over 100 comments and I think you'll find little more in terms of snark than you already "pulled at random". I'm aware that dios has done the same, at times. What I'm getting at is that I think that your opinions are your own but are incorrect. I'm not really offended (except in the case of languagehat who took the time to select some sparse comments after I took the time to visit his personal website to answer a question about a town name pronunciation not too long ago). I didn't start the fire, and I take exception to the suggestion that I need to show deference to someone whose noise/substance ratio is seen by many here to not be very good.
posted by rollbiz at 12:23 PM on March 21, 2006


you don't need to show deference, you just need to stop picking fights. I'm sharing the same opinion of you that languagehat and cortex are.
posted by shmegegge at 1:29 PM on March 21, 2006


Alrighty. The dios Army has spoken. I'll kneel and kiss his ring.
posted by rollbiz at 1:42 PM on March 21, 2006


I didn't start the fire

That is not the right response, though. The right response is "I acknowledge having stoked the fire and am in part responsible for it continuing to burn."

It may be hard to utter a sincere mea culpa and step out of the ring once you get going, but it's the right thing to do. If you purport with sincerity to consider low noise/substance ratios a bad thing, put up or shut up.
posted by cortex at 1:45 PM on March 21, 2006


And don't try to hide behind dios—this is about you acting badly, not about protecting someone you don't think deserves protection. If you truly believe that some vaporous army of dedicated protectors is the only reason you're getting shit in this thread, you are far, far gone.
posted by cortex at 1:48 PM on March 21, 2006


The only reason, no. A reason, yes.

Deep breaths have been taken. I have looked at dios' original comment in the light I think everyone else saw it in, and I see that I was trigger-happy telling him off. Although I do think that my record here shows otherwise, I apologize if I've come off as a loudmouth.

I'm still a bit taken aback that apparently some of you formed this opinion before this MeTa ever happened, but like I said before that's your right.
posted by rollbiz at 2:19 PM on March 21, 2006


Good for you. Besides - it's already established lore that dios has a cabal, not an army.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:24 PM on March 21, 2006


Thank you for not suspending my right to have an opinion. I can understand you being taken aback—but I think you should think long and hard on what that implies before you again decide to make a show of publicly excreting at someone you think is a loudmouth.

And dammit, Henderson, there IS NO CABAL.
posted by cortex at 2:30 PM on March 21, 2006


and just like that, I've forgotten whatever reputation I had imbued you with.

keep being reasonable, and I might just develop a little crush on you, rollbiz.
posted by shmegegge at 2:32 PM on March 21, 2006


Not even basic cabal?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 2:33 PM on March 21, 2006


Not even that. All we've got is bunny ears, and the pancake is fouling those up.
posted by cortex at 2:43 PM on March 21, 2006


I've forgotten too, especially since you reminded me of your most welcome contribution to that pronunciation thread. See how easy it is to call off the attack dogs?

*barks happily*
posted by languagehat at 2:44 PM on March 21, 2006


*scratches lhat behind the ear*
posted by cortex at 3:43 PM on March 21, 2006


keep being reasonable, and I might just develop a little crush on you, rollbiz.

Oh, I'll keep being reasonable, and.....I've got some beers, so.....

Wanna come to my place?
posted by rollbiz at 7:01 PM on March 21, 2006


Wait, you have beer?

That changes everything!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:07 PM on March 21, 2006


I take it all back. All of it.

Yes, a hefeweizen, please.

You...don't have hefeweizen.

I'll burn you into the fucking ground.
posted by cortex at 9:03 PM on March 21, 2006


Choose Your Own MeTa Adventure-

Oh, I have the hefeweizen too. However, note the trap door below your feet leading to a pit of undersharpened spikes and answer me this:

Do you add lemon?

-If so, turn to Page 53

-If not, turn to Page 97




(On a serious note, thanks for accepting my apology all who have.)
posted by rollbiz at 9:33 PM on March 21, 2006


Hey, we're easy around here.

And we like beer.
posted by languagehat at 5:30 AM on March 22, 2006


*me turns to page 53; keeps finger planted in current page*
posted by cortex at 5:45 AM on March 22, 2006


*me sighs with relief, then peeks at page 97 out of morbid curiosity, winces*
posted by cortex at 5:46 AM on March 22, 2006


Jesus, what the hell have you people done to my beautiful, beautiful post?!?
posted by 40 Watt at 12:21 PM on March 22, 2006


Ils ont change ma chanson, ma
Ils ont change ma chanson
C'est la seule chose que je peuz faire
Et ce n'est pas bon, ma
Ils ont change ma chanson.

posted by crunchland at 5:06 PM on March 22, 2006


If you have fat tire I'll marry you, and DAMN THE LAW!
posted by shmegegge at 7:39 PM on March 22, 2006


cortex- Page 53 is correct. Very correct.

shmegegge- I don't, it's hard to come by here...


The Commonwealth of Massachusetts-

Gay Marriage-Hells Yeah!
Fat Tire-Not So Much.
posted by rollbiz at 7:37 PM on March 24, 2006


damn, it's the same here in ny. I heard it's pretty much nigh-impossible to get east of the mississip.
posted by shmegegge at 12:27 PM on March 25, 2006


This is the way a nun ends.
This is the way a nun ends.
This is the way a nun ends.
Not with a bang but a wimple.
posted by jenovus at 4:07 PM on March 25, 2006


pretty much nigh-impossible

shmeggege, your phrase, above, gave an excellent interview, but I'm afraid we just can't hire it for the position, because it is over-qualified.
posted by cortex at 11:09 PM on March 25, 2006


because it is over-qualified

But only a tad bit slightly over-qualified.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 10:24 AM on March 26, 2006


I only slightly have the tiniest little idea of what you'r talking about.
posted by shmegegge at 6:55 AM on March 27, 2006


I guess I may have, perhaps, spoken at least a little too rashly. I think maybe I'm sorry.
posted by cortex at 8:54 AM on March 27, 2006


It's entirely possible that there's a chance that I might think that there might not really necessarily be any reason for probably maybe apologizing, perhaps.
posted by shmegegge at 7:45 PM on March 27, 2006


GOD! Can I just needlessly call someone out?!? Will that make you all stop?!?

My head is going to explode!!!!
posted by rollbiz at 7:49 PM on March 27, 2006


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