If Metafilter was a movie, who would play you?

October 31, 2001 12:50 PM

Taking a cue from the criminal thread, if Metafilter was ever to be made into a movie, who would you like to see playing you? Which actor/actress matches the personality of other MeFi regulars?
posted by Rastafari to MetaFilter-related at 12:50 PM (45 comments total)

ron jeremy
posted by machaus at 12:58 PM on October 31, 2001

WIL WHEATON AS MATT HAUGHEY!
posted by Hankins at 1:07 PM on October 31, 2001

I'd like to be the water cooler, and have Alex Meneses play my handler/Poland Springs Person, as she did in the pilot of Bob Patterson.
posted by tamim at 1:15 PM on October 31, 2001

fooljay would be Jackie Chan and kick all of your asses for deviating from MetaTalk's stated purpose and making it into MetaDiscuss without asking permission.
posted by dogmatic at 1:15 PM on October 31, 2001

For the record, and I offer this in a very friendly, non-confrontational way. I love the concept of "MetaDiscuss", but hate the name. I prefer MetaChat.
posted by jpoulos at 1:20 PM on October 31, 2001

I would like Anil Dash to play me.
posted by iceberg273 at 1:30 PM on October 31, 2001

Kafkaesque? Mel Gibson in his "crazy, suicidal, first-half-of-Lethal-Weapon-One" mode.

Oh, and Angelina Jolie to play Rebeccablood.

You know, it seems to me that this thread is ripe with the possiblity of pissing people off. I'm just sayin'.
posted by ColdChef at 1:40 PM on October 31, 2001

I am a trained actor, and will play anyone here for mere Equity scale. Sorry, no porn.
posted by Skot at 1:41 PM on October 31, 2001

Antonio Banderas as Miguel, but he's got to keep ahold of a cigar at all times, especially during the love scenes...
posted by Wulfgar! at 1:45 PM on October 31, 2001

Kyle MacLachlan as me, for his mannerisms, and his one suit.
posted by holloway at 1:45 PM on October 31, 2001

me: James Earl Jones, in his character from Field of Dreams, Terence Mann. "The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again. Oh people will come, Ray. People will most definitely come." Goosebumps!

Of course, I look nothing like him. I'm 5'10" 175 lbs and white, but to have that voice! The voice of Darth Vader, to boot!
posted by msacheson at 1:50 PM on October 31, 2001

Mel Gibson? Well, OK, could have been worse.

ColdChef: I can't decide between Patrick Swayze and Linda Hunt. Maybe Jeff Speakman?

For myself I'd have to suggest Benji. Or that orca from Free Willy, for obvious reasons. Maybe Tor Andersen.
posted by Kafkaesque at 1:55 PM on October 31, 2001

Miguel Ferrer. Or maybe Jean Louise Kelly... nah, probably Ferrer.
posted by UncleFes at 1:58 PM on October 31, 2001

Who's gonna score this flick? I suggest Rick Wakeman. Or Berlioz, whatever.
posted by Wulfgar! at 2:08 PM on October 31, 2001

Jeff Goldblum could play mathowie, if he toned down the hyperactivity and talked slower.
posted by rusty at 2:13 PM on October 31, 2001

Angelina Jolie to play Rebeccablood.

oooh! and johnny depp to play jjg!

the garrett household just got hotter.
posted by rebeccablood at 2:15 PM on October 31, 2001

Are you suggesting that Matt could save the universe from alien invasion with his Apple Powerbook?
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:25 PM on October 31, 2001

sydney greenstreet
posted by clavdivs at 2:34 PM on October 31, 2001

ColdChef: I can't decide between Patrick Swayze and Linda Hunt. Maybe Jeff Speakman?

I actually have the beauty of Linda Hunt, the style of Patrick Swayze and the femininity of Jeff Speakman.

But, to be perfectly honest, my part could probably be played by a much uglier Mike Myers. Like maybe if he and Dana Carvey had a bastard kid together. That would be me.
posted by ColdChef at 2:36 PM on October 31, 2001

stavrosthewonderchicken? going completely by personality...Jack Black.
posted by ColdChef at 2:37 PM on October 31, 2001

fooljay would be Jackie Chan and kick all of your asses for deviating from MetaTalk's stated purpose and making it into MetaDiscuss without asking permission.

Jackie Chan is a clown. I'd be Jet Li.

Or perhaps Joe Pantaligano would fit me best...
posted by fooljay at 3:06 PM on October 31, 2001

With my luck, I'd want Denzel but be cast with Charles S. Dutton (of Rock fame) - at least he can act.
posted by owillis at 3:10 PM on October 31, 2001

Are we allowed to go back in time to have this film made?

Hedy Lamarr. Mmm-mmm.
posted by Catch at 3:18 PM on October 31, 2001

Jesus, I'm never going to get a fucking job at this rate, people!

All right, I'll do the porn.

(PS--In terms of skinny-white-guy-ness and overall weirdo quotient, Steve Zahn would probably play me pretty well. His IMDB photo is hilariously terrible.)
posted by Skot at 3:42 PM on October 31, 2001

George Sanders. Will work with Grace Kelly for nothing. (WARNING:atrocious Spanish leading-edge website)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 4:43 PM on October 31, 2001

Troy NcClure as Miguel Cardoso
posted by y2karl at 5:21 PM on October 31, 2001

Will work with Grace Kelly for nothing.

You'll have to fight me, pal.
posted by rushmc at 5:24 PM on October 31, 2001

"If Metafilter was the periodic table, what element would you be?"
posted by rodii at 6:44 PM on October 31, 2001

"If Metafilter was Eurasia, what former Soviet Republic would you be?"
posted by rodii at 6:45 PM on October 31, 2001

"If Metafilter was the DSM-IV, what psychiatric disorder would you be?"
posted by rodii at 6:45 PM on October 31, 2001

"If Metafilter was the Catholic Church, what diocese or archdiocese would you be?"
posted by rodii at 6:47 PM on October 31, 2001

"If Metafilter was phylum Chordata, which jawless, cartilaginous or bony fish, lungfish, amphibian, reptile, bird or mammal would you be?"
posted by rodii at 6:52 PM on October 31, 2001

"If Metafilter was Jelly Bellies, whx~i~~¥i•

[NO CARRIER]
posted by rodii at 6:54 PM on October 31, 2001

To quote Quonsar:
"metafilteroids: acute condition marked by the onset of severe contractions of the sphincter resulting in a distinctive cranial puckering."
1:Lithium
2:Katchakhstan
3:Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
4:Chicago!
posted by Catch at 6:56 PM on October 31, 2001

jason kottke as himself.
posted by moz at 7:27 PM on October 31, 2001

Kafkaesque: Have you seen his PowerBook? Hell yes, that's what I'm saying.
posted by rusty at 11:16 PM on October 31, 2001

Roscoe Arbuckle
posted by Dean_Paxton at 11:17 PM on October 31, 2001

I'd like to fight be played by William Shatner.

This.....is a.......DOUBLE POST!
posted by DoublePostGuy at 12:05 AM on November 1, 2001

If you read rodii's sweetly sarcastic comments above with a Bobcat Goldthwaite voice, they're way funnier....

Maybe that's just me.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:39 AM on November 1, 2001

I thought I was just being silly, not sarcastic. Sweetly silly, OK.
posted by rodii at 8:12 AM on November 1, 2001

I was especially proud of the Chordata one.
posted by rodii at 8:12 AM on November 1, 2001

By the way.
posted by rodii at 8:12 AM on November 1, 2001

I was reading them in a Cookie Monster voice.

Now I have to listen to industrial music for a while.
posted by Kafkaesque at 9:06 AM on November 1, 2001

a younger and more asian eddie izzard...
posted by lotsofno at 11:34 AM on November 1, 2001

P.S.: My husband is very happy.
posted by MarkAnd at 8:19 PM on November 1, 2001