Comments on 12764

She may have gotten the help she was looking for, but the poster has not even begun to get the help that she needs.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:50 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

One of the saddest AskMeta threads in a really, really long time.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:51 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

I agree it sounds like a bad situation on a number of levels, but there's a lot we honestly don't know (although I know we have our suspicions). I don't think further repetition of the same points is going to help fr0zen. She can judge her situation for herself.
posted by LobsterMitten at 4:56 PM on September 26, 2006

I missed that thread. I would have self-linked to my main project to help him get off his ass and organize his job search ;-D

Really, that's a sad thread. She needs to asskick him, but the possibility that he leaves her 25k in debt really sucks.
posted by Kickstart70 at 5:00 PM on September 26, 2006

You can lead a horse to water, but it's not going to frigging drink.

That thread is the equivalent of a dead cat by the side of the road-- you saw it, you want to forget that you saw it, and you will forget in a few days. But the people involved are going to be feeling it for a lot longer no matter what happens.

This thread is the equivalent of "Hey! Remember that dead cat we saw yesterday?"
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:02 PM on September 26, 2006

posted by interrobang at 5:14 PM on September 26, 2006 [6 favorites]

Assuming those people are for real, the thread should be left open so the boyfriend can dig himself a deeper and deeper hole.
posted by brain_drain at 5:18 PM on September 26, 2006

wow, that's pretty whack.
Hope it all ends well :(
posted by edgeways at 5:23 PM on September 26, 2006

and by now, all of you should realize that me and fr0zen are setting here shaking our heads at the dumb responces to my randome fuel for the flames

Hah, look at all you idiots getting upset when I say upsetting things and troll you! You rubes!
posted by hugsnkisses at 5:24 PM on September 26, 2006

Wow. Just wow. How're all my fellow 'Metafilter pussies' doing?
posted by ericb at 5:30 PM on September 26, 2006

Can we ban xteraco just on principle?
posted by drezdn at 5:33 PM on September 26, 2006

I'd agree that deleting that thread (for lack of another way to close it) is preferrable at this point.
posted by gsteff at 5:35 PM on September 26, 2006

Who's going to the next MeFi Meetup aka the Rumble-in-the-soda-aisle-at-Shaws tomorrow morning?
posted by jerseygirl at 5:36 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think, technically, Matt doesn't like to do that sort of thing, but I'd like to hope an exception can be made.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:36 PM on September 26, 2006

well, you guys really fucking blow, so i wouldnt really care
posted by xteraco at 5:36 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

(In response to removing xteraco, not deleting the thread.)
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:37 PM on September 26, 2006

One of the saddest AskMeta threads in a really, really long time.
Amen. I hope she learns the truth and acts on it before she ends up $25k in debt and pregnant. I hope, but the odds are not good. This girl is setting herself up for a lifetime of complete misery.

That xteraco, man, some people are just a waste of skin.
posted by dg at 5:38 PM on September 26, 2006

How do you get to be 25K in the hole? I have decent, not great, credit, and I couldn't burn through that many credit cards if I tried.

Or am I not trying hard enough?
posted by bardic at 5:38 PM on September 26, 2006

Man, you sure do spend a lot of your free time on the internet, huh? I mean, so do I, but then, I didn't spend my girlfriend's money to spiff up a Japanese gocart.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:39 PM on September 26, 2006

xteraco seems like an ass, but plenty of members are the hypocritical oxygen to his deadbeat fire. Jesus, get over yourselves.
posted by bardic at 5:40 PM on September 26, 2006 [2 favorites]

C_D, I thought maybe you meant Matt doesn't usually encourage us to show up for fights in the soda aisle, but maybe he'd make an exception for that. Which would have been awesome.

As for the thread: yeah, I'm done. I do have a strong hunch that the situation really is as Springer-like as it appears (at least close to it), and I've got more than a hunch now that fr0zen -- for various reasons -- just doesn't want to know. It's just screaming into the wind at this point. Sad.
posted by scody at 5:41 PM on September 26, 2006

xteraco and fr0zen are the next lonelygirl15 and daniel. The Rumble-in-the-soda-aisle-at-Shaws tomorrow morning better be on YouTube.
posted by mattbucher at 5:44 PM on September 26, 2006

For someone who doesn't care, you certainly seem to be keeping on top of the latest developments, xteraco.
posted by chemicalpilate at 5:45 PM on September 26, 2006

Can we ban xteraco just on principle?
Is "ban" a new euphimism for "beat the living shit out of?
posted by dg at 5:45 PM on September 26, 2006

Because, of course, I would never suggest that someone who lives close go and do just that. That would be wrong
posted by dg at 5:46 PM on September 26, 2006

In a perfect world, xteraco would end up with UN Owen.
posted by drezdn at 5:48 PM on September 26, 2006 [10 favorites]

oh god, that would be so good.
posted by scody at 5:51 PM on September 26, 2006

when, if that askme is closed, this thread should be closed as well. That or wait till xteraco flames out from being baited...

Hard to judge the situation, would have helped if x hadn't spazzed out a bit. Hopefully he is better than what he types.

I won't even tell you what song I'm playing on MetaChatRadio right now... it was completely subconscious I swears
posted by edgeways at 5:51 PM on September 26, 2006

How do you get to be 25K in the hole?

Souping up a car.

The scary thing is, from what she's said, they seem to have done about 22k in 5 months.

I hope she ends up okay, but her fate is in her hands at this point.
posted by jerseygirl at 5:51 PM on September 26, 2006

enlighten me-- is it really possible to spend 25k souping up a car that's only woth about a grand blue book?
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:51 PM on September 26, 2006

Can we drop them both in the middle of the North Atlantic?
posted by monju_bosatsu at 5:51 PM on September 26, 2006

xteraco is taking a brief timeout and if that thread doesn't devolve past interrobang's MeTa link I'll leave it up. Since we can't close AskMe threads, deleting them is really a last resort option.
posted by jessamyn at 5:52 PM on September 26, 2006

"The Rumble-in-the-soda-aisle-at-Shaws tomorrow morning better be on YouTube."

Someone call Lowtax.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:52 PM on September 26, 2006

This one hits home for me as I used to hang out with a guy very much like xteraco many moons ago, and who hurt a lot of people without consciously meaning to do so. He just never thought about women, the same way I don't think about oxygen. They were always there, and there were always more. If they let him live in their places and spend their money, well, they had him, didn't they? Fair trade. Bah.

Anyway, I, too am done.

On a happier note, said friend from those ages ago just got divorced (over money, who would have thought) and I think is finally, now that we're old and ugly, figuring out that it's not OK to simply use people. However, his dad, now in his sixties, is still at it, so maybe my hope is a bit premature.
posted by maxwelton at 5:54 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

scody, I quite liked your use of "man up" in the thread. Perfectly played, yo.
posted by OmieWise at 5:55 PM on September 26, 2006

Obviously, I can think of plenty of ways to spend 25K, but how do I get credit card companies to let me max out individual cards that many times? I've got friends who are way in debt that way, and I just don't understand how it happens. Thankfully so.
posted by bardic at 5:55 PM on September 26, 2006

MayorCurley, spending 25k on a pile of crap would be easy. If you don't know what you are doing (and spending $1k on a wing to "stabilise" a Honda Civic fits the bill with uncanny accuracy), it would actually be possible to do this and have the car worth less than when you started.
posted by dg at 5:57 PM on September 26, 2006

They've also been using credit cards for living expenses, MC, because she has a low-paying job, and he has no job at all. (FWIW)
posted by caitlinb at 5:57 PM on September 26, 2006

Gevalt. A thoroughly depressing thread.

But who drags the subject of the AskMe into the fray? This is not, appearances to the contrary, group therapy. We judgmental and unfacted Metafilterians are not good at this shit.
posted by kosem at 5:57 PM on September 26, 2006

Also, scody hit the nail on the head with every comment in that thread. The final "man up" said it all for me.

I should shut up now, but I am really really pissed off about this - way more than I should be.
posted by dg at 6:00 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

Since we can't close AskMe threads, deleting them is really a last resort option.

As a public service announcement for other women that stumble across the thread sometime in the future who might find themselves in the same situation, I'd certainly hope you woudn't take the nuclear option.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:02 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

Thanks jessamyn.
posted by LobsterMitten at 6:04 PM on September 26, 2006

What the fuck is a Shaw's?
posted by Loto at 6:06 PM on September 26, 2006

MayorCurley, spending 25k on a pile of crap would be easy. If you don't know what you are doing (and spending $1k on a wing to "stabilise" a Honda Civic fits the bill with uncanny accuracy), it would actually be possible to do this and have the car worth less than when you started.

They've also been using credit cards for living expenses, MC, because she has a low-paying job, and he has no job at all. (FWIW)

I just made a Keanu-like "whoah!" Baby, I'm amazed!
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:07 PM on September 26, 2006

Shaw's is a grocery story up in New England, Loto. I miss Shaw's, and their Raspberry Ginger Ale ::sobs::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:09 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

has dhoyt struck again i ask myself.
posted by sgt.serenity at 6:09 PM on September 26, 2006

Holy shit. I was going to refrain from commenting, because it's the nice thing to do, and I've been in a similar situation with a girl and w/ no job and basically being a lazy, broke and broken fucker. So, I had some sympathy. Which dissolved quickly as I read the AskMe thread and his responses. (I did, eventually, get a job. And the whole situation is not one I'd want to repeat.)

But... that fucking car!!

What the fuck? How much food and rent is in that goddamn piece of ugly shit? How much debt? Holy crap!!

Dude, just go buy a new Subaru WRX or a new Civic or something. It'll cost less per month, it'll last longer and you won't look like a jackass driving it. You can spend the money you'll save on some Hot Wheels, and for that authentic fart-can glasspack muffler sound just start eating beans. (That'll save even more money on the food bills, too.)
posted by loquacious at 6:11 PM on September 26, 2006

So, it isn't like the Thunderdome then? Damn.
posted by Loto at 6:11 PM on September 26, 2006

Yay! Performance Art! And to think I would have otherwise skipped that thread.
posted by GuyZero at 6:13 PM on September 26, 2006

jessamyn, I personally think that that thread is a. one of the most entertaining ever b. one of my favorties and c. highly informative and useful as we send the link to all the deadbeats we know as a warning of "this could be you". Please please please don't take the nuclear option.
posted by zia at 6:16 PM on September 26, 2006

Couldn't he find work as a pizza delivery guy?
posted by drezdn at 6:17 PM on September 26, 2006

Little known fact: Colored Eurostyle double windshield wiper heads make your penis shrink.
posted by loquacious at 6:18 PM on September 26, 2006

He's got a pizza delivery guy's car!
posted by loquacious at 6:19 PM on September 26, 2006

yeah I should add some version of that to the FAQ. Every now and again I'll get email from someone who says some version of "my question was answered by now the thread is getting embarassing, please close it" and that's not something we do unless something really terrible has happened.

TPS, I will drive by Shaw's this evening. Next time I'm out youre way I will pack the trunk full of it, it costs like a nickel or something, right?
posted by jessamyn at 6:20 PM on September 26, 2006

OMG OMG really?????? I would love you FOREVER!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:21 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

I think he is making her feel guilty for "forcing" him move up here to be with her.

What sort of "good job" did he leave if he has no education?

And to add to the other stories....my dad lost his job when a dairy closed when I was a teenager...he went to work at BURGER KING to pay the bills. Pretty sure he made less then $7 an hour.

Come to think of it...the Shaw's up the street from us is always advertising for deli workers for $11 an hour. This clown needs someone to smack some sense into him. If he thinks it's hard in New England now, wait another month when it gets COLD and DARK.

And since I am not a car person....will all those mods be affected by winter weather??
posted by gminks at 6:22 PM on September 26, 2006

He did that to a Honda motherfucking Civic?!?

Modern technology has brought many wonders. The sterilization ray gun should be on the market soon, right?
posted by Item at 6:26 PM on September 26, 2006

What in the hell is going on here?
posted by ludwig_van at 6:26 PM on September 26, 2006

the making of MeTa history?
posted by edgeways at 6:28 PM on September 26, 2006

Loquacious, are you serious? Is that really his car? Holy crap, dude! I was KIDDING about the "MUGEN-POWER"-thing! Christ!

What I love is the details, though, like how 75% of all the "mods" revolve around changing your tires or some arcane driving trivia that only a poseur would care about. Here's a free clue, dude: a shorter-throw stick isn't going to help you when you get trounced by someone who knows what they're doing and has the financial resources to make it possible. Why are you even bothering?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:31 PM on September 26, 2006

I love this:

PERFORMANCE BLADES, MOTHERFUCKER. DO YOU HAVE THEM?
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:33 PM on September 26, 2006 [5 favorites]

Too fast, too spurious.
posted by loquacious at 6:36 PM on September 26, 2006 [4 favorites]

Wait, wait wait... you're telling me this guy is Jim Anchower? Holy. Living. Fuck.

Jesus H Christ in a chicken basket.

When will Herbert Kornfield post a AskMe question?
posted by GuyZero at 6:37 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

item, Civics tend to be the vehicle of choice for modding - something to do with cheap interchangeable parts and ... well, I really have no idea what I'm talking about so I'll shut up now.

In the Boston area, Shaws used to be called Star Market, but they converted the Star-branded stores over to the flagship a few years ago. (Sadly, there is no longer a good excuse to say STAHH MAHHHKET.) The remodeling is fantastic and it has cured me of my illogical blind loyalty to the chain affectionately known as Stupid Stoop & Poop.
posted by Saucy Intruder at 6:38 PM on September 26, 2006

he has a cd?
posted by gminks at 6:38 PM on September 26, 2006

That thread is Hall of Fame material. It may even be the Best Ever.
posted by xmutex at 6:47 PM on September 26, 2006

He's also a SERIOUSE C++ programmer, dude.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:55 PM on September 26, 2006

That thread turned into a complete trainwreck...and I couldn't help but read on lest I miss out on all the drama. I'm so weak.
posted by phoenixc at 6:56 PM on September 26, 2006

He's like a poor man's Kevin Federline. Popo Zao!!
posted by jrossi4r at 6:57 PM on September 26, 2006

Please please please let this be some sort of put on, it would be amazing if this was a big joke.
posted by Falconetti at 7:08 PM on September 26, 2006

I put my one card that I'm keeping in a ziplock baggie filled with water into the freezer.

these two are either:

1) the pathetic stars of a sick melodrama playing in thier own heads which they have decided to share with us to increase the grandiosity yield, or

2) putting us all on.

after reading about the frozen card, i can't make up my mind which.
posted by quonsar at 7:09 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

I like the remix of "Mary Has a Little (Cyborg) Lamb."
posted by Falconetti at 7:10 PM on September 26, 2006

Wow. Just wow.
posted by orange swan at 7:12 PM on September 26, 2006

Credit card in the freezer is one of the oldest "stop your rampant overspending" tricks in the book.
posted by brownpau at 7:14 PM on September 26, 2006

As I was reading through the thread, I thought "Hey, I know people who are always hiring, maybe I can help these guys out." Then I read xteraco's comments.

This is a familiar refrain from me, but if you act in real life the way you do on MetaFilter I am entirely unsurprised you have no job. I wouldn't hire you to flip burgers much less write code.
posted by Skorgu at 7:22 PM on September 26, 2006

Isn't this what we're using AskMe for these days?

I envision it as a sort of world stupidity filter, collecting only the best and the brightest stupidness so we can laugh loudly, spit coffee onto our monitors, and maybe take a moment or two to reflect quietly on our own superiority.

And then post a nasty comment, too, I mean, it's the Internet, fun for everyone!

Close this? No, let it serve as a reminder of what we all came for.
posted by ikkyu2 at 7:25 PM on September 26, 2006 [3 favorites]

people read playboy for the articles and watch nascar out of appreciation for highly-developed driving skills.
posted by quonsar at 7:30 PM on September 26, 2006

It's almost hard to believe it's not a put-on. That guy is the very stereotype of a certain kind of white trash.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 7:34 PM on September 26, 2006

If nothing else, that trainwreck of a thread inspired me to call up my credit card company and ask them to reduce my interest rate. I got 2 percentage points knocked off. Thanks crazy dysfunctional couple!
posted by chiababe at 7:43 PM on September 26, 2006 [3 favorites]

Best and Worst thread ever.
posted by Justinian at 7:45 PM on September 26, 2006

I wore out my F5 key.
posted by evariste at 7:47 PM on September 26, 2006

I'm just waiting 'til he pushes her sister down the stairs, myself.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:50 PM on September 26, 2006

Seriously, this thread is amazing.
posted by Bear at 7:56 PM on September 26, 2006

posted by c:\awesome at 7:57 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

It's almost hard to believe it's not a put-on.

It is all smelling a might bit performative, yes-no?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 7:59 PM on September 26, 2006

If nothing else, that trainwreck of a thread inspired me to call up my credit card company and ask them to reduce my interest rate. I got 2 percentage points knocked off. Thanks crazy dysfunctional couple!

Wait. That works?
posted by cortex at 8:02 PM on September 26, 2006

It is all smelling a might bit performative, yes-no?

My friend that I mentioned as reminding me of fr0zen also seems to enjoy her predicament. She likes having all of her best friends constantly fluttering around her trying to rescue her from her stupidity. After a while I figured out that no matter what she said, she wasn't really ever going to get rid of him or do her part to fix their dysfunctional relationship; she actually enjoys it, whether she is consciously aware of it in those terms or not.
posted by evariste at 8:10 PM on September 26, 2006

cortex: you can get a lot of concessions like that from businesses just by asking nicely-including having random fees waived, getting freebies, less interest, etc. I'm glad someone mentioned it on that thread, and I wish I'd thought to first.
posted by evariste at 8:12 PM on September 26, 2006

I used to see these strange acronyms on teh intarweb (especially Slashdot!):

YHBT. YHL. HAND.

I think that either:

a. This is the best troll in the history of the web

-OR-

b. This is the best troll in the history of the web
posted by SteveTheRed at 8:12 PM on September 26, 2006

cortex: Yeah, it works. It sometimes works even better if you say you just got rate X at another credit card company. They'll often beat that rate by at least 1 percentage point.
posted by skynxnex at 8:12 PM on September 26, 2006

posted by quonsar at 8:14 PM on September 26, 2006 [9 favorites]

This could all be an incredibly elaborate put-on, but if so I'm proud to have taken part in such art.

(Being someone who was essentially handed my ass on the first question I ever posed to AskMeta, I kinda appreciate having a thread that makes me look "smart.")

Did you catch the Sept 1 "random jabber" on that car page, where he talks about revving up his engine, vrooming around his apartment parking lot, and having yelling matches with various "fat white and asian chicks" upset about his vrooming? (Aside, he's PAYING A SHOP to do all of these modifications, not just buying parts. Man.)

Finally, I would ask about this, but I'm afraid of what the answer might be.
posted by maxwelton at 8:14 PM on September 26, 2006

it doesn't ping my put-on radar. I mean, evariste is right: there's a million Federlines out there, and every one of them has a Britney (or three).
posted by scody at 8:18 PM on September 26, 2006

cortex: It does work. I went down to 10.5% (from ~16%) just by asking for it.
posted by Kickstart70 at 8:19 PM on September 26, 2006

can spiders fart?
posted by quonsar at 8:21 PM on September 26, 2006

Woah. You know, it's the occasional crazy-ass drama of this sort that actually keeps MetaFilter alive and ~~well~~ dysfunctional.
posted by Stauf at 8:24 PM on September 26, 2006

I just want to thank scody for her awesome responses in that thread. They were worded beautifully -- sympathetic without being preachy, (d)evolving into righteous anger on her behalf, with an obvious hard-won committal to choking back the screams of frustration. Nicely done!

Too bad fr0zen heard maybe 1/10th of it. *sigh*
posted by Asparagirl at 8:28 PM on September 26, 2006

I agree that thread is a train wreck. I suppose they should have stopped checking it. But y'all shoulda stopped lecturing after a certain point, too. There is so much projecting of personal issues onto those poor saps... totally obvious to anyone that certain folks are actually shreiking at someone from their own past, not the questioner & boyfriend.
posted by scarabic at 8:33 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

I want to thank xteraco for having such a unique and google-able name. Imagine if her boyfriend's moniker was "miller" or "bob."
posted by Falconetti at 8:37 PM on September 26, 2006

You might as well add a thank you to xteraco for the fact that he used that particular username for his cd, his pimp-mobile, and his website.
posted by zia at 8:45 PM on September 26, 2006

Hmmm ... part of me now wonders if the fr0zen/xteraco stuff may be nothing more than online 'performance art (?).' If not, it's a sad situation.
posted by ericb at 8:49 PM on September 26, 2006

lonelygirl15. ask.me style?
posted by ericb at 8:53 PM on September 26, 2006

Yay! Performance Art! And to think I would have otherwise skipped that thread.

GuyZero -- I'm with you. I smell 'hoax.'
posted by ericb at 8:57 PM on September 26, 2006

You might as well add a thank you to xteraco for the fact that he used that particular username for his cd, his pimp-mobile, and his website.

Yeah, between that and his past questions, I'm leaning towards "real," even though it seems fake. I mean, that would be a really elaborate ruse!

There is so much projecting of personal issues onto those poor saps... totally obvious to anyone that certain folks are actually shreiking at someone from their own past, not the questioner & boyfriend.

Yeah, but that's just another wrinkle in this rich tapestry of human (melo)drama.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:01 PM on September 26, 2006

It's almost hard to believe it's not a put-on.

EB -and maxwelton - I agree with PinkStainlessTail. It does indeed smell like a 'put-on.'
posted by ericb at 9:03 PM on September 26, 2006

ick.
posted by trip and a half at 9:03 PM on September 26, 2006

EB -and maxwelton - I agree with PinkStainlessTail. It does indeed smell like a 'put-on.'

So you think someone made those profiles, put an album on CDBaby, gathered all the car pictures, etc., to pull a prank on askme?
posted by ludwig_van at 9:05 PM on September 26, 2006

I'm personally pretty disgusted that Metafilterians find this sort of thing entertaining, regardless if it's true or not.
posted by onalark at 9:08 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

So you think someone made those profiles, put an album on CDBaby, gathered all the car pictures, etc., to pull a prank on askme?

It may go beyond AskMetafilter. Who knows? Something doesn't seem right. But, hey, maybe I'm too much of a skeptic.

However, in today's day and age folks are cleverly (or, as some would say "deceptively") using the Internet for creating "buzz" -- whether commercial in nature or for entertainment purposes.
posted by ericb at 9:12 PM on September 26, 2006

I'm personally pretty disgusted that Metafilterians find this sort of thing entertaining, regardless if it's true or not.

Yea, but we've always found this sort of thing entertaining. At least we're consistent.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:15 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

It may go beyond AskMetafilter.

It is certainly possible. That'd be pretty crazy, huh. Crazy awesome.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:15 PM on September 26, 2006

I'm personally pretty disgusted that Metafilterians find this sort of thing entertaining

Come on, I stopped about halfway down, and most of the answers are pretty thoughtful. So what if some folks are entertained by trainwreck emotional disaster threads? It's captivating stuff.

That said, holy fuck is that poor woman in a shitload of trouble. Run from this manipulative stupid mooch, lady. RUN!
posted by mediareport at 9:22 PM on September 26, 2006

1. Establish background.
2. Post message on forum: "Even though it's not my fault, I have no money. Now what?"
3. Read responses from typical forum: "Oh, no! Get rid of him! And can I help? I guess I should write the check directly to you."
4. Profit.

The brilliance is that you wouldn't even need a ??? step; you'd just have to pick your forum carefully. It's elaborate, yeah, but so was Kaycee, and jenleigh/dhoyt, and neither of them had such an obvious potential for profit, did they?
posted by booksandlibretti at 9:23 PM on September 26, 2006

The jenleigh/dhoyt thing seems way simpler and more contained in comparison.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:25 PM on September 26, 2006

I mean, the hoax here would span multiple web sites. And it costs $30 to get an album on CDBaby, and you have to send them actual CDs.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:26 PM on September 26, 2006

http://www.webdate.com/static_profiles/ks_men/profile4172334.html

"Relationship Status: Single"

Best of all: online now
posted by zia at 9:32 PM on September 26, 2006

Are MetaFilter users too cynical? Or simply more intelligent and analytical?
posted by hugsnkisses at 9:34 PM on September 26, 2006

I dunno, the thread only gets hoaxy after xteraco shows up on the 2nd day. Everything up to that point seems pretty straightforward.

And again, onalark, the only evidence I see in up to that point in the thread is folks going out of their way to help a stranger. Unless tons of bullshit was deleted, what on earth are you complaining about? That folks admitted here they were fascinated by the thread? That it "entertained" them in some way? Is that really so bad?
posted by mediareport at 9:34 PM on September 26, 2006

$30 (CDBaby) + $5 (MetaFilter registration) + $5 (MetaFilter registration) + 'patient and persistent posting' on the web = $40 and the potential to create "buzz" for whatever reason. Won't break the bank of a PR firm, an advertising agency or an entertainment conglomerate. Just sayin'. I'll be happy to be proved wrong.

Shall we have our next MeetUp in the soda aisle at the Shaw's^TM supermarket in Manchester, Connecticut tomorrow morning?
posted by ericb at 9:37 PM on September 26, 2006

From the thread:

dgeiser13: Best Ask Metafilter thread ever.
wheelieman: This is going to end well,

Someone please delete that shit. It doesn't belong in AskMe.
posted by mediareport at 9:39 PM on September 26, 2006

The idea that this is fiction is really quite absurd. I mean if I'm proven wrong, hey, I'll freely cop that I've been out-absurded. But seriously: someone is working up this much backstory to game askme to no apparent purpose? I just can't see it. The drama gets a bit high because a big amorphous human-response experiment just butted a semantic psuedopod into the middle of someone's relationship and stirred shit up. That's drama, you know, that's life.

But I must say I find the treatment of xteraco to be rather dissapointing. This despite the fact that this young man is doing nothing to excite my sympathy, he's sounded rather a dick in this and that thread. Then again he did get proscuted in abstentia over in the Relationship Court of AskMe for 24 hours before he weighed in, with particular attention, for example, paid to the ridiculousness of his car - all still up, you know, exhibits a-z in valid responses to a request on how to "help someone find a job." So to me perhaps it isn't all that surprising that he snapped at that bait.

Whatever the case, it seems like all the usual askme rules vanished on this one and I'm tying to figure out why. People are investigating xteraco, going out of the way to point him out as a member (which the poster doesn't do and clearly wasn't intending to, and what the hell does that have to do with her question anyway) all but accusing him of theft, searching his online identity offsite, posting his ebay auctions in the thread and that stays up, a valid response to this question?

evariste can wax prosodic about the pleasure he would take in beating him and xteraco gets bounced for reacting to that? But evariste is fine, post away, buddy, get philosophical AND both "beating the shit" statements stand? In an AskMe thread where the question is how do I diplomatically push my boyfriend harder about getting a job. I guess pious admonishments about keeping answers somewhat in the vicinity of the question topic don't apply when it's about this dood not being good enough to date Metafilter's sister.
posted by nanojath at 9:49 PM on September 26, 2006 [10 favorites]

Wow. I just read through the entire AskMe, and now this. I don't know what to think. First I was sad, then angry, then bemused.

I find it hard to believe that this is for real.

Are people really like this? Are people that codependent? Or so ridiculous? Ethereal Bligh had it when he said That guy is the very stereotype of a certain kind of white trash.

I mean, really. Do these people even really exist as anything other than caricatures?

If this whole thing is true, I'm disgusted and sad, and I hope the poor woman can get some emotional help, because she is in a really bad place, in terms of mental health.

And if there is a beatdown, please record and post. kthx.
posted by exlotuseater at 9:51 PM on September 26, 2006

From the "drama" of the MetaTalk and AskMeta threads I am reminded of what I read at HeadButler.com in the review of his HBO series Entourage:

"My wife started watching 'Entourage' and, soon enough, she had a grand theory of a new style in television: shows like 'House' and 'Entourage' lure you in precisely because they're built around characters who are mean and anti-social. Truth is a weapon for them. They never use a velvet globe when an iron fist is handy. We like these characters, she told me, because they give themselves permission to say anything. Authority? They don't fear it. Confrontation? Bring it.

Yummy theory --- who doesn't like a little obnoxiousness now and then?"

posted by ericb at 9:58 PM on September 26, 2006

'Entourage' link here.
posted by ericb at 9:59 PM on September 26, 2006

*in the review of his HBO series*

...in his review of the HBO series...
posted by ericb at 10:03 PM on September 26, 2006

Are people really like this? Are people that codependent? Or so ridiculous? ... I mean, really. Do these people even really exist as anything other than caricatures?
Yes, yes, yes and yes. Sad, but true.

For what it's worth, I don't think this is a hoax. Nothing in this whole story seems to me like anything except the sad truths of life for way too many people.
posted by dg at 10:06 PM on September 26, 2006

Do these people even really exist as anything other than caricatures?

Yes, they absolutely do. The reason we have certain stereotypes is because often the easiest assumption based on available evidence is that they are more often correct than not.

And I've known real people exactly like this tool. Right down to the toys they have and the money they leech off people who care about them.
posted by Kickstart70 at 10:07 PM on September 26, 2006

well, that's pretty fucked up. [profound, I know.]
posted by exlotuseater at 10:12 PM on September 26, 2006

evariste can wax prosodic about the pleasure he would take in beating him and xteraco gets bounced for reacting to that? But evariste is fine, post away, buddy, get philosophical AND both "beating the shit" statements stand?

Wow. Way to take it completely out of context, nanojath. I was making a point to fr0zen about how to (and how NOT to) react when you find you're being a patsy for people like him. I was emphatically not threatening to beat him up. My point was that some reactions are futile and some are not. His reaction was to actually suggest a time and place to fight, which actually made me laugh out loud. As if I would travel to frigging Connecticut to try to whale on some rice-wigger on his timetable. Sure, I'll pencil it into my calendar.

In an AskMe thread where the question is how do I diplomatically push my boyfriend harder about getting a job. I guess pious admonishments about keeping answers somewhat in the vicinity of the question topic don't apply when it's about this dood not being good enough to date Metafilter's sister.

He got plenty of rope to hang himself with. I do believe the thread died down quite a bit and we were all happy when it sounded like fr0zen finally had her head screwed on straight and set some limits. It was when they returned and treated us to a simultaneous final gasp of stupendous losergasm that the goodwill created earlier towards them evaporated. Plenty of the answers given had concrete and useful suggestions to improve the situation, even after that.
posted by evariste at 10:13 PM on September 26, 2006 [2 favorites]

I doubt this is a hoax. I've know plenty of people who are at least this fucked up.
posted by evariste at 10:14 PM on September 26, 2006

lonelygirl15. ask.me style?
posted by ericb at 11:53 PM EST on September 26 [+] [!]

What happened to the AskMetafilter hyperlink ("lonelygirl15. ask.me style?" -- http://ask.metafilter.com/mefi/47255#721010) to which I linked originally above?
posted by ericb at 10:15 PM on September 26, 2006

I heard xteraco voted for Bush.
posted by Krrrlson at 10:19 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

Okay. You people have made me feel sorry for him now.

Thanks a lot.
posted by timeistight at 10:41 PM on September 26, 2006

People are investigating xteraco, going out of the way to point him out as a member (which the poster doesn't do and clearly wasn't intending to, and what the hell does that have to do with her question anyway) all but accusing him of theft, searching his online identity offsite, posting his ebay auctions in the thread and that stays up, a valid response to this question?

*scratches head*

That's a good point.
posted by mediareport at 10:46 PM on September 26, 2006

i just advised her to get therapy ... she's WAY beyond our ability to help
posted by pyramid termite at 11:01 PM on September 26, 2006

This thread plus the askme thread might be some of the worst (or is it best?) of mefi in a long time....

Ahem...so carry on with the pile on.
posted by rsanheim at 11:13 PM on September 26, 2006

i just advised her to get therapy ... she's WAY beyond our ability to help

I'm not going to post to that thread, because I'm not really confident enough to offer advice in a situation which such high stakes (and I don't want to prolong it any more), but I'd disagree about this. Near-term priority #1, above and beyond anything else, is to start saving money. Therapy, if it costs any more than $0, can come later. She does need advice from a trusted outsider, but for now she should try to find friends, and if she can't, that's better than losing even $100 a month on therapy. If this seems reasonable, someone else can post it, or email her.
posted by gsteff at 11:18 PM on September 26, 2006

~~which~~ with
posted by gsteff at 11:18 PM on September 26, 2006

posted by bob sarabia at 11:24 PM on September 26, 2006

I'm speechless.

No, wait, one thing: I think it would be a shame if all of scody's thoughtful, eloquent, wise, and articulate posts, which she made in good faith, turned out to be wasted on some strange piece of what... performance art, weird viral marketing, whatever.

I've known people this fucked up, too, but xteraco was just too over the top for the Kaycee Nicole alert not to go off.
posted by jokeefe at 11:34 PM on September 26, 2006

Btw, did anyone keep a copy of the picture of his car? It's gone now...
posted by jokeefe at 11:36 PM on September 26, 2006

I hate bob sarabia. I really do. He's 17 pounds of pus in a 3 pound boil.

I've been sitting here for 15 minutes yawning myself into a coma. That's really fucked up, man.
posted by loquacious at 11:37 PM on September 26, 2006

He had a "good job" back where he used to live?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

I am also the emperor of peru
posted by AaronRaphael at 11:38 PM on September 26, 2006

He calls himself a 1337 h4x0r (ha! ha!) and his own website was h4x0r3d? Leet, he isn't. 1!73 (lite), maybe.

I also don't get why fr0zen couldn't find a cheaper apartment (talking to a realtor? what? why?), or even hook up with roommates for a while instead of getting her own place.
posted by Liosliath at 11:54 PM on September 26, 2006

But seriously: someone is working up this much backstory to game askme to no apparent purpose? I just can't see it.

That's what was bugging me, too. On the one hand, you have the far-too-convenient "other member" show up and follow a certain kind of useless-tool schtick that just seems too cliche to be real, but then I think to myself, "Well, you know, go check out MySpace if you want to see more of this kind of crap." Wouldn't be a cliche if there weren't plenty of people out there already living like this.

If the OP had asked for money, that would have been a big red flag, but as it stands, what's there to gain from a put on? Sure, there are probably people out there that get their kicks from watching strangers give a damn about other strangers, but there are also plenty of people out there that just plain need help.

It does seem awful convenient that her boyfriend's username is completely unique and identifying on the internet--as opposed to, say, fastnfurious1234. And the posting history that has been dug up isn't exactly exhaustive, you know? Just a couple of posts here or there to establish an identity. I'm still on the fence.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:56 PM on September 26, 2006

I dunno, Civil - I suppose it's naive, but I often use my real name as a username, as I do on MF. I figure I have nothing to hide, and I'll never be in politics anyway.

However - all of the Liosliaths out there are not me, while it seems like all of this xteraco stuff ties together.
posted by Liosliath at 11:59 PM on September 26, 2006 [1 favorite]

Is xteraco just coming out of a divorce too? Scroll down to the entry by misskittiezig.

Insomnia is a horrible thing.
posted by Liosliath at 12:05 AM on September 27, 2006

good lord. I really hope it's a put on.
posted by juv3nal at 12:12 AM on September 27, 2006

The suspicious piece is the long odds that the guy we'd all be curious about happens to have a completely unique username out there on teh internets AND in nearly everything you look at he's very close to dead-on what we would want to discover about this character, given our assumptions. Not to say it's not possible...

If it is a put-on, it's a tremendous one, seemingly wasted by this effort unless this in itself is another piece in the puzzle. Has anyone seen jfortuny recently?
posted by maxwelton at 1:22 AM on September 27, 2006

I really hope it's a put on

yes. that would make it pure comic genius.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:32 AM on September 27, 2006

Shenanigans!
posted by antifuse at 2:22 AM on September 27, 2006

I think the next move is he's left and i'm pregnant, please send money.
posted by sgt.serenity at 3:09 AM on September 27, 2006

I don't think the fact that there's so much backstory means it can't be a put on. Maybe they've known each other in real life or online for a while and already know each other's history. fr0zen knows he's a car nut, he knows about her divorce. It wouldn't be at all difficult for them to come up with an irresistable AskMe together and then sit back and laugh while everyone scrambles to answer. If this thing is real then I agree it's a sad situation and I'll apologize for doubting but the whole thing screams "troll" to me and I'm usually pretty trusting.
posted by LeeJay at 3:09 AM on September 27, 2006

Eh I believe in xteraco. Not even the most gleefully self-hating SA goon has the patience to create such a facade, one hopes. Also I happen to know that Wichita KS produces a lot of people like xteraco: gifted, wasted potential, pathetically undereducated, a bit shifty. That's the effect of having too many fucking Christians around.

But yeah it is all a bit pat. I'm a little supicious of fr0zen for "Granted, they are different body-styles to a certain extent, but the size difference isn't all that drastic," which sounds about as friggin un-female as it comes, and she didn't know she even had a tennis bracelet, and also she has no friends? Harrumph.

My theory: xteraco killed the real fr0zen and has been living in her house for the last couple months, and this online stuff is part of keeping up appearences. This is all a subconscious ploy by him hoping to get himself caught. Soon he will have enough money to clear out of town and get a job at the Escapist.

Now I must spiral off into some other paranoid fantasy. Damn you, jenleigh.
posted by fleacircus at 3:14 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

That thread is either hilarious or depressing. I can't decide which.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:23 AM on September 27, 2006

If the OP had asked for money, that would have been a big red flag, but as it stands, what's there to gain from a put on?

Oh, I don't think it has to be about money. There are quite a few people out there who love to watch Metafilter wring its hands and get righteously angry. They find it very amusing. I woudn't put it past some of them to create a question for kicks. It's been done before. There's probably someone sitting in an IRC channel right now quoting choice bits. Like I said if it turns out to be real I'll probably feel a little guilty for thinking it but the whole thing just feels off.
posted by LeeJay at 3:30 AM on September 27, 2006

That thread was so tragic, and I buy it as real. It just smells like co-dependency should.
posted by bonaldi at 5:11 AM on September 27, 2006

That thread was so tragic, and I buy it as real. It just smells like co-dependency should.

Lets assume this is real for a moment then.

If it's co-dependency then the woman would be at fault,
If its co-dependency she has deliberately sought this man out to gain attention for herself and look saintly in comparison.
If it's co-dependency, no one should be attempting to rescue her and the people attempting to do so are merely worsening her condition.
posted by sgt.serenity at 6:14 AM on September 27, 2006

No way is this a hoax. Why are folk so unwilling to believe that xteraco is just a common-or-garden lazy mingewit with a spectacularly rubbish car?
posted by jack_mo at 6:23 AM on September 27, 2006

"If it's co-dependency then the woman would be at fault"
She is at fault, she fuck this loser off.
posted by Joeforking at 6:26 AM on September 27, 2006

It just smells like co-dependency should.

Yes, and that's the problem. It's too perfect. The two personalities are stereotypes of what we have been taught to expect in a co-dependent relationship. The woman is sympathetic, bright, educated, a prisoner of her emotions, who 'loves not wisely but too well'. The man is a brute, a cad, a cur, barely literate, who ruthlessly exploits his hapless victim, and snarls at the world when his actions are questioned.

Christ, it's all almost Victorian. I'm waiting for a contested will to show up, or for an elderly aunt to die under suspicious circumstances.

This is a couple of theater students doing performance art. I hope they'll let us know when they write their thesis.
posted by Slithy_Tove at 6:28 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

If its co-dependency she has deliberately sought this man out to gain attention for herself and look saintly in comparison.

One of us is misunderstanding co-dependency, I think, sarge. In case it's me, I'll rephrase to say it just smells like vulnerable emotional fragility should.
posted by bonaldi at 6:30 AM on September 27, 2006

I have to say that that thread got way way way out of control. First, AxMe is for answering questions posed by the asker, not making general moral comments on what someone should do with their life. Why? Because we don't know about their life. Guess what? A paragraph tells us next to nothing about anyone or their own life or the life of their significant other. I try only to answer the question posed-its quite dangerous to do more without knowing more.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:31 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

For example:

If its co-dependency she has deliberately sought this man out to gain attention for herself and look saintly in comparison.

We have no clue what is going on in the lives of these people. A few paragraphs doesn't cut it.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:32 AM on September 27, 2006

No clue at all, really. I'd like to use this space to apologize to the world for having posted on that thread, and for having a typo in at least one of those posts.

I wish them both well, even if I am a complete pussy for saying it.
posted by mikeh at 7:09 AM on September 27, 2006

i've changed my mind. it's real. the whole thing veritably reeks of early twenty-somethingness.
posted by quonsar at 7:10 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

I agree the thread got out of control and probably should have been pruned, but (god help me) I can't bring myself to regret it.

I just want to thank scody for her awesome responses in that thread.

Seconded (or rather hundredthed by now)—scody is wonderful.

Oh, and: a hoax? Come on. "Oh my, a woman keeping a worthless slug who leeches money off her to fix up his car? Gotta be fake!" Guess again. It happens all the time; just because we tend to get a more bourgeois class of disasters here on MeFi and expect worthless boyfriends to be into computer games or something doesn't mean guys like this are fake. I see them every time I take a walk in Pittsfield. And yeah, the vibe changed once he entered the thread, just as it would if we were all in a bar and she was complaining about her boyfriend and he suddenly showed up. Of course she's going to defend him and he's going to come on all "you wanna fight? let's go! right here, right now!" That doesn't mean they plotted the whole thing from the beginning, it's just human nature.
posted by languagehat at 7:14 AM on September 27, 2006

That was a one person soap opera. A Creative writing course credit. A piece of performance art. A first draft. On the other hand it may have been genuine, as genuine as the moon landings perhaps. I just don't know. Fact or fiction it was somehow engrossing whilst also being nearly entertaining. It's the inherent ambiguity which lofts the thread above the mundane.
posted by econous at 7:22 AM on September 27, 2006

For heaven's sake, does this (from her latest comment) sound like a hoax?

When he found the thread he was upset thinking that I was going to believe the weird conclusions you all came to about him being a horrible, no good person. Then you all google him, when I'd purposefully left him out of this all - I seriously didn't think about my profile. fuck. If I'd known I would have deleted it and none of this craziness would have happened.

I've requested this thread and the metatalk one to be closed because you are just being horribly mean with no justification. He came on and called you names because he felt attacked by people who never heard his side and have never met him. So much of the stuff you all have dug up is *years* old. Some of it has been completely read wrong. I don't understand how you can be allowed to attack someone on ask.me or metatalk. I just don't get it. You don't know his side. You don't know him.

I've learned that I can talk to him about budgeting and be honest about money. That I'm not going to be hated or ignored (as I was in the past by others), that he's going to listen and offer suggestions and help, that I can ask him what he's up to without it being considered prying or nagging. He lashed out at you out of frustration. I would too if I was the type to not just blame myself for starting this whole metamess in the first place.

That's a woman talking from her heart, not someone putting a cherry on a troll. I'm all in favor of skepticism and loved the Kaycee thread, but come on, not everything in life is a TV "reality" show. Some people have to deal with reality itself. (And frankly, she has a point about lashing out; I would have too in his place. The boyfriend-baiting was really out of line.)
posted by languagehat at 7:32 AM on September 27, 2006

What languagehat said. I wish it was a hoax; instead it's just unbearably sad, pathetically familiar and all too easy to believe. Although I still can't quite wrap my head around amassing 25K worth of debt in only five months: hell, it took me five YEARS of worthless boyfriends to rack up 12K.
posted by mygothlaundry at 7:36 AM on September 27, 2006

Ugh, the sheer drama of it all punctuated by that last comment by the OP.

She's been advised with her original question as well as the other issues/problems/concerns she spilled along the way. She's an adult - she's going to do what she's going to do. Her success or failure will inevitably the product of her choices and that's that. You can lead the horse to water but you can't make it drink.

He's... well, whatever.

I wish they'd both just go away forever at this point.
posted by jerseygirl at 7:42 AM on September 27, 2006

True or not, that thread is useless without pics, as the kids say.

Really.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 7:43 AM on September 27, 2006

I loathe Connecticut, but it's the straightest line to New Hampshire and fresh air. Sometimes I laugh at things so I don't cry, don't all of you?
posted by Divine_Wino at 7:46 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

"I've requested this thread and the metatalk one to be closed"

i think this is a request that matt should honor ... and jersetgirl is right - she's gotten her advice and either she does the right thing or she doesn't
posted by pyramid termite at 7:49 AM on September 27, 2006

arghh - jerseygirl ...
posted by pyramid termite at 7:49 AM on September 27, 2006

languagehat writes 'I agree the thread got out of control and probably should have been pruned, but (god help me) I can't bring myself to regret it.'

You'll get your flameout someday soon, dear chap. Be patient.
posted by blag at 7:51 AM on September 27, 2006

Metafilter is suffering from some kind of post-post-modern hyper-reality-TV paranoid delusion.
posted by ludwig_van at 8:02 AM on September 27, 2006 [2 favorites]

Sadly enough, the responses of various MeFites reminded me of BBSpot's parody of Kuro5hin threads. The AskMe thread and the followups here are a sobering example of a prophecy fufilled.
posted by Smart Dalek at 8:03 AM on September 27, 2006

Guys like xteraco give white trash a bad name.
posted by Floydd at 8:04 AM on September 27, 2006

All this digging up dirt on the boyfriend isn't helping fr0zen; it's sole purpose is to amuse us by denigrating her boyfriend, and allowing us to feel smugly superior and even helpful.

In late 18th century America, social work got its start in the form of finically and socially secure upper-middle class people literally going to the homes of the poor, and lecturing them about their failings, ostensibly to educate them in "living right". In truth it was smug condescension designed to cement a feeling of superiority in the lecturers.

To the surprise of the society matrons giving the instruction, it rarely help to lift up the poor, or to curb their "licentious" and spendthrift habits. But it never failed to make the matrons feel better about themselves, and proud of their hard work on behalf of their inferiors.

In truth, we don't know anything more of fr0zen and xteraco than they themselves have told us; we've made a lot of assumptions. But the xteraco bashing doesn't help him, and I'm sure it mortifies fr0zen. Tell her to leave him if you feel you understand tem enough to make that determination, but posting pictures of his (her?) car or mocking his amazon.com reviews, that's gratuitous and self-serving.

Perhaps I'm being too much of a scold, but this modern-day equivalent of displaying a guy in the village stocks for the crimes of indolence and poverty just strikes me as unseemly.
posted by orthogonality at 8:14 AM on September 27, 2006 [7 favorites]

You'll get your flameout someday soon, dear chap. Be patient.

Who's gonna man up, invest in a sock puppet and flameout spectacularly for the hat? It is, I think, the least we can do.
posted by kosem at 8:14 AM on September 27, 2006

s/it's/its. s/finically/financially s/tem/them See, I'm illiterate too, just like xteraco.
posted by orthogonality at 8:16 AM on September 27, 2006

mr_crash_davis: "Someone call Lowtax."

You know, I keep staring at this suggestion, and I'm utterly struck by the fact that it might be a good one. I imagine he could do something with this, even if it is after 8:30 now in CN.
posted by koeselitz at 8:16 AM on September 27, 2006

Hee I woke up this morning, in the shower, thought, "what was that last night ... a dream or ...?" Nope, it's still here.

PS In New Hampshire (where I'm originally from) Shaw's used to be Stah Mahket.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 8:20 AM on September 27, 2006

What planet are you "this must be a hoax" people from where no one is actually this stupid and fucked up?
posted by scarabic at 8:45 AM on September 27, 2006

I'm a little supicious of fr0zen for "Granted, they are different body-styles to a certain extent, but the size difference isn't all that drastic," which sounds about as friggin un-female as it comes

I think it's pretty common that when a woman is with a man whom she believes to have potential irrespective of his consistent lack of results, she will parrot his language in talking about subjects where he claims mastery. Since there are no results to point to, she has to have a way to approximate his knowledge to others.
posted by caitlinb at 8:49 AM on September 27, 2006 [2 favorites]

I too find a little ass-kicking after my breakfast soda to be an excellent way to unwind after a gruelling week of sloth.
posted by dgaicun at 8:50 AM on September 27, 2006 [2 favorites]

I woke up this morning, in the shower, thought, "what was that last night ... a dream or ...?"

I know! I don't know what is so compelling about this. But I can't quit it.

also, i first read that as "I woke up in the shower -- again!"
posted by Bear at 9:09 AM on September 27, 2006

No way is this a hoax. Why are folk so unwilling to believe that xteraco is just a common-or-garden lazy mingewit with a spectacularly rubbish car?
posted by jack_mo at 2:23 PM GMT on September 27 [+] [!]

i'm just trying to save you from jenleigh2: electric boogaloo jack.
posted by sgt.serenity at 9:12 AM on September 27, 2006

It's almost hard to believe it's not a put-on. - Ethereal Bligh

It is all smelling a might bit performative, yes-no? - PinkStainlessTail

It could be put on. But there really are people that are in bad relationships, and that play emotional games with each other, that walk all over people, athat allow themselves to be walked over. Things much worse than what we're witnessing here. Haven't you ever watched Cops? That shit is real, yo!

that trainwreck of a thread inspired me to call up my credit card company and ask them to reduce my interest rate. I got 2 percentage points knocked off. - chiababe

Wait. That works? - cortex

Not for me. They'd only give me a lower interest rate if I strated paying an annual fee. So YMMV.

Are people really like this? Are people that codependent? Or so ridiculous? Do these people even really exist as anything other than caricatures? - exlotuseater

Sadly, yes on all points. To those of you questioning the veracity of this: have you really never even once met someone in this bad of a relationship?

The boyfriend isn't as completely spectacularly awful as he comes off in the that thread. Not all the time. It's just brought out the worst in him. He didn't come in to say anything until there had been over 100 messages about him, many of which were bashing him horribly. So he came in and reacted with anger. Pretty understandable, really. The worst sounding comments ("I shouldn't have to get a job if I don't want to" etc) could either be how he really feels, or they could be lashing out because he's being attacked. Now he's on the defensive. There's no way for us to know how much of it he really means, and how much is basically him stomping his feet.

Even the most horrible abusive monster boyfriends are nice some of the time. They know how to make promises and seem all sweet and sorry and demure after they've been caught doing something terrible. It's part of their M.O. They can be really charming when it suits their purposes. I don't know if the boyfriend in this situation falls into this catgory or not. But a lot of women spend a bunch of time making excuses for their boyfriend/husband because "he's not really like that" and "if only I could stop making him angry, he's so nice when he isn't angry". The abused person focusses on the positive moments and thinks that it's their fault that the bad moments come, and if only they did BETTER somehow, then they could finally stay in the good-feeling place. Abusive controlling people make their victims feel like it's the fault of the suffering partner, and not of the tyrant. It very manipulative and weird the alternate relaities that the parties in those awful situations create.

To put it more succinctly, what jack_mo said:

Why are folk so unwilling to believe that xteraco is just a common-or-garden lazy mingewit with a spectacularly rubbish car?
posted by raedyn at 9:26 AM on September 27, 2006

I'm *so* disappointed I missed out on the Shaws meet-up. It's the only place I can get my favorite coffee milk.
posted by Gable Oak at 9:40 AM on September 27, 2006

I believe the whole thing is true.

However, for the people saying "I think it's a hoax, but he/they seem to have done so much background preparation work across the net...for just this?", I put it to you that you're being a bit egocentric. If you really believe the other stuff on the net is part of the hoax setup, what makes you believe that this part is the payoff, instead of just creating more background for the real payoff on Yahoo Groups or Slashdot or AnimeMusicVideos.com or whathaveyou?
posted by bugbread at 9:45 AM on September 27, 2006

I put it to you that you're being a bit egocentric.

I would go so far as to say solipsistic.
posted by scarabic at 10:00 AM on September 27, 2006

Well if i was going to rescue anyone on metafilter, jack and bonaldi would be top of my list. Len's a bit lower down cause he's a fighter and he's got the fancy moves.
posted by sgt.serenity at 10:07 AM on September 27, 2006

oh no....anything but solipsistic.
posted by sgt.serenity at 10:11 AM on September 27, 2006

so xteraco sees that everyone thinks he's douchebag, realises he's been outed as scum, and manipulates fr0zen into feeling bad for him because of it? "Sweetie, look what they're saying about me! You know I'm not like that! Here, let's cut up these cards..."
posted by bonaldi at 10:16 AM on September 27, 2006

Abusive controlling people make their victims feel like it's the fault of the suffering partner, and not of the tyrant. It very manipulative and weird the alternate relaities that the parties in those awful situations create.

Lynda Barry once did (in the early eighties) a four panel comic which has remained a rueful touchstone for me ever since.

In the third panel, two women are out to dinner. The dialogue goes something like this: "God, Lilly, you look like hell... wait, isn't that old loverboy coming in with someone else? It is!"

"Well, we have to go now."

"But we just started eating."

"I know, but [boyfriend name] says that if I see him with someone else, I have to leave on account of her feeling bad because I'm his girlfriend."

Alternate realities indeed. And at the time, it all makes sense; in fact there's a weighty logic to it. Because your insecurities are really the problem, since yeah he slept with that other girl, in fact you both know that he's still seeing her, which you force him to lie about, because if you would just stop being upset and nagging and stuff, you wouldn't be driving him away. In fact, you're lucky to have him, because he's so much better (musically talented, pretty, socially at ease) than you are, and you have such an intense emotional bond. The broken furniture and the bruises just demonstrate the strength of your lurrve. That kind of thing.

I speak from bitter experience. I was 19. This went on for another four years.

At any rate, the comic ends like this. In the fourth panel, Lilly is howling "He left me! I did everything for him! What am I gonna do now?" and her friend says "We'll buy champagne!"

My advice to fr0zen repeats what others have already so eloquently said. Be very, very careful. Be aware of the conditions of your relationship that you know, somewhere in your heart, are wrong. Anything that you are afraid to tell a friend or family member about your relationship and the accommodations you have made within it is a red flag.

Wishing you the best.
posted by jokeefe at 10:29 AM on September 27, 2006 [5 favorites]

All this has taught me is that scody is Metafilter-Jesus, wandering through the mob, dispensing wisdom and totally awesome music recommendations.
posted by boo_radley at 10:33 AM on September 27, 2006

But I can't quit it. posted by Bear at 9:09 AM PST on September 27 [+] [!]

Oh Trainwreck Thread ... I wish I knew how to quit you.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 10:35 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

bless you, my brethren... always try to treat each other with compassion, and listen to a lot of Califone.
posted by scody at 10:46 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

Wow. I tell my family "I gotta be on the internet! I might miss stuff!" and they're all, like, "C'mon, you should be out in the sunlight. Or maybe try eating some dinner... We'll turn a TV on..."

And as soon as I'm gone... BOOM! DRAMA!

See?

(Scody gets points for awesome).
posted by klangklangston at 11:29 AM on September 27, 2006 [1 favorite]

(Approximately) what orthogonality said. {I don't bear grudges, I hope}
posted by peacay at 11:36 AM on September 27, 2006

Now scody's pushing Califone!
Be still my bleating heart....
posted by Floydd at 11:55 AM on September 27, 2006

the only thing this drama has proven to me is that metafilter can beat the dead internet horse with such dexterity and relentlessness. i hope you guys are proud of yourselves. i know i am.
posted by naxosaxur at 12:02 PM on September 27, 2006

Anyone catch the comments earlier in the thread that accused Fr0zen of having anger management problems based on previous metafilter threads? They even told Fr0zen's boyfriend to dump her. They were deleted and then reposted and deleted again. This thread could have gone off in a whole other trainwreck direction.
posted by metaname at 12:39 PM on September 27, 2006

You'll get your flameout someday soon, dear chap. Be patient.

Quick, someone split an infinitive!
posted by Krrrlson at 1:33 PM on September 27, 2006

>[a few comments removed: meta discussion goes to >METATALK, it does not go here]

Hi, Jessamyn,
Sorry for the trouble. I didn't realize there was a MetaTalk thread for the other discussion. Also, you are correct that because of the "meta" nature of it should've gone here anyway.

>From the thread:
>
>dgeiser13: Best Ask Metafilter thread ever.
>wheelieman: This is going to end well,
>
>Someone please delete that shit. It doesn't belong in >AskMe.

mediareport, what the heck is your problem?

I may have put my comments in the wrong place but I was sincere in what I said. That thread is the best discussion I've ever read on Ask Metafilter.

For you to call it "that shit" I think was a little uncalled for.
posted by dgeiser13 at 1:34 PM on September 27, 2006

Quick, someone split an infinitive!

I don't think it's right to actively bait the man.

For you to call it "that shit" I think was a little uncalled for.

In the specific context of AskMe, those comments are completely offband, even if we are all in our heads having similar thoughts. The use of the phrase "that shit" may have been abrasive, but the sentiment is not uncalled for when taken in light of existing community standards.
posted by cortex at 1:38 PM on September 27, 2006

If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a terrible warning.

September 26, 2006 4:47 PM Subscribe

September 26, 2006
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