Why the rash of penis questions?

November 28, 2006 12:15 PM

What's with the triple dicking?
posted by jonmc to Etiquette/Policy at 12:15 PM (55 comments total)

They just showed up in that order and were approved.

I guess the explanation for why would depend on whether you believe in free will or not.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:19 PM on November 28, 2006 [2 favorites]

Is that an admission that you're causing dick problems in Mefites through some sort of Firefox vulnerability?
posted by Plutor at 12:25 PM on November 28, 2006

Like you've never been triple dicked before. Pssshure.
posted by spicynuts at 12:26 PM on November 28, 2006

Well, usually they buy me a few drinks first, talk tirty to me, that kinda thing, ...
posted by jonmc at 12:29 PM on November 28, 2006

The freakiest thing: they're all the same guy.
posted by COBRA! at 12:33 PM on November 28, 2006

This is what happens when you take away the <condom> tag.
posted by cortex at 12:46 PM on November 28, 2006

The guy with the sac sweat should try the great Mike Ramsey book entitled Stop Sweating and Start Living.
posted by iconomy at 12:46 PM on November 28, 2006

I meant titled. Although it's probably entitled too. And you can get it at curesweat.com
posted by iconomy at 12:47 PM on November 28, 2006

triple decker
posted by matteo at 12:53 PM on November 28, 2006

These are just the latest in a, dare I say, rash of penis questions lately. Matt should open up penisfilter.com and charge TEN bucks a pop.
posted by veggieboy at 12:56 PM on November 28, 2006

I worry about the guy who says his is "about half the size of a dollar bill."
That's only about .1668 cubits.
posted by Floydd at 12:57 PM on November 28, 2006

Three is easy but four takes some skill.
posted by smackfu at 12:58 PM on November 28, 2006

Man that's funny/weird. Less than a half second before I clicked on the grey I said to myself..."lots of dick on the green today. what the hell?".
posted by docpops at 1:00 PM on November 28, 2006

fightthesackrash at hotmail dot com

I'm assuming this is not the same addy he puts on his resume.
posted by clevershark at 1:01 PM on November 28, 2006

At least lymphatic vessel guy can now leverage a whole bunch of guitar terms as masturbation euphemisms. "Whammy bar" doesn't even need a setup.
posted by XMLicious at 1:12 PM on November 28, 2006

I'm assuming this is not the same addy he puts on his resume

Or in his personal ad!
posted by OmieWise at 1:18 PM on November 28, 2006

oh god. Why can't these people just see a fucking doctor and spare everyone they're disgusting problems? I swear one day we'll have someone with a severed finger asking if he should use super glue or duct tape to reattach it.
posted by bob sarabia at 1:26 PM on November 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

That was more in reference to the guitar-string-dick guy, but the other two are pretty gross too.
posted by bob sarabia at 1:30 PM on November 28, 2006

↑protesteth too much, eh?
posted by interrobang at 1:33 PM on November 28, 2006

I swear one day we'll have someone with a severed finger asking if he should use super glue or duct tape to reattach it.

Dear AskMe,

I recently (3 minutes ago I think, might have been longer but I blacked out) had a car accident. The car's on fire but the emergency services haven't arrived yet. Should I attempt to wrench my mangled legs from the wreckage, possibly severing major arteries, or wait for the firemen to cut me out and hope the fuel tank doesn't go up before they get here? Personal anecdotes welcome.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 1:39 PM on November 28, 2006 [3 favorites]

Dear EndsOfInvention:

[heavy sigh] As any dolt would know, first and foremost, you should google up several treatises on human anatomy, the history of firefighting, and the ongoing American crisis in providing timely and effective emergency services. After you've read and annotated those thoroughly, formulate some more incisive questions and get back to us. Best of luck!
posted by FelliniBlank at 1:57 PM on November 28, 2006

fightthesackrash at hotmail dot com

Someone try explaining to this guy that there is NO POSSIBLE WAY that hotmail logged on to his ballsac.
posted by dmd at 2:01 PM on November 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

I like the way your man with the rash took the trouble to dick around with the [more inside] without leaving RSS readers hanging: Sackrashfilter- Guys help me out here: How to get rid of the dreaded sack rash? As you can guess there is An embarassing problem.
posted by jack_mo at 2:01 PM on November 28, 2006

"lots of dick on the green today. what the hell?"

Better than lots of green on the dick, amirite?
posted by languagehat at 2:09 PM on November 28, 2006

Personal anecdotes welcome.

Just watch, you'll get one opinion after another from hetero white guys who've never even mangled their legs in a flaming car wreck.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 2:23 PM on November 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

fightthesackrash at hotmail dot com

I'm assuming this is not the same addy he puts on his resume.

I worked as an admin on resume databases in HR for a few years...you'd be amazed at the email addresses people put at the top of their resumes.

or maybe not, who knows? either way, i was shocked.
posted by nevercalm at 2:58 PM on November 28, 2006

But where are the hordes of women pointing out that some chicks find sack rash sexy?
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:01 PM on November 28, 2006

At least someone is having sex.
posted by absalom at 3:45 PM on November 28, 2006 [1 favorite]

Someone over at the penisproblems.com forums link here.
posted by damn dirty ape at 3:56 PM on November 28, 2006

hotmail forwarded my sackrash to your mom.
posted by quonsar at 4:03 PM on November 28, 2006

I love you people more than a bucket of sack itch.
posted by melissa may at 4:04 PM on November 28, 2006

I'm glad to have no real problems with my masculine equipment at all. The doc says the spider veins on my scrotum are normal for an old guy, and the scars from last month's vasectomy are damn near invisible.
posted by davy at 4:22 PM on November 28, 2006

Didn't anybody tell you? It's Dick Day on Metafilter. Get yer logins now, half off for circumcised men!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 4:36 PM on November 28, 2006

Metafilter: the spider veins on my scrotum are normal for an old guy.

sorry
posted by melissa may at 4:36 PM on November 28, 2006

The freakiest thing: they're all the same guy.

Great, now there's sac sweat all over the sockpuppet.
posted by desuetude at 5:00 PM on November 28, 2006

you mean the sackpuppet.
posted by jonmc at 5:42 PM on November 28, 2006

"The freakiest thing: they're all the same guy."

Scènes de la vie Peepée, by Honoré de Ballsac
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:45 PM on November 28, 2006

I worked as an admin on resume databases in HR for a few years...you'd be amazed at the email addresses people put at the top of their resumes.

hehe... you should put those on a web site of some sort...
posted by clevershark at 7:16 PM on November 28, 2006

Sackpuppets (not quite what you'd probably expect).
posted by clevershark at 7:18 PM on November 28, 2006

I thought that too when I first saw the three questions together. But when I first saw this post, I thought you were talking about the three "dick" tags in this FPP.
posted by ObscureReferenceMan at 7:49 PM on November 28, 2006

Sackpuppets (not quite what you'd probably expect).

Ha! In 4th grade we did a unit on mythology and I did a puppet show of Athena emerging from Zeus's head after Hepheastus chisels it open. the puppets were made from paper lunch sacks like that. Athena's sack was inside Zeus. It wowed em in Mrs. Hughes' class.
posted by jonmc at 7:54 PM on November 28, 2006

"The freakiest thing: they're all the same guy."

Not only do I think that it's the same guy, but I think that the guitar string in the weiner is related to the ingrown hair.
posted by jefbla at 8:03 PM on November 28, 2006

super glue or duct tape to reattach it.

It's called dermabond and several other names (cyanoacrylate), but it's only indicated for minor lacerations.
posted by IronLizard at 8:33 PM on November 28, 2006

maybe damaged dick day can become an annual tradition like capslock day? what fun!
posted by madamjujujive at 10:02 PM on November 28, 2006

"Dear MetaFilter: I've been beating my wife for years and she's finally taken her revenge. Can anyone tell me how to take apart the garbage disposal in the sink and is it worth the trouble?"
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:49 PM on November 28, 2006

Following a book of folk wisdom, I put powdered mentos and diet coke on my ballsac.

Is my ballsac supposed to be making this noise?
posted by dmd at 4:25 AM on November 29, 2006

Bitch, moan, bitch, moan, it's always the same with you mefites. Can't you just cut loose once in a while?

"Honoré de Ballsac" killed.
posted by war wrath of wraith at 7:10 AM on November 29, 2006

... someone with a severed finger asking if he should use super glue or duct tape to reattach it.
Duct tape, of course, duh. Why would anyone need to ask that?
posted by dg at 9:18 PM on November 29, 2006

Of course, a suitable question could be "how do I unroll this duct tape using only one hand?"
posted by dg at 9:18 PM on November 29, 2006

One hand and as many as 32 teeth, of course.
posted by cortex at 9:27 PM on November 29, 2006

this thread does not deliver.
posted by boo_radley at 9:40 PM on November 29, 2006

It's not delivery, it's da porno.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:48 PM on November 29, 2006

Dick trifecta now in play.
posted by Mr. Gunn at 10:17 PM on November 29, 2006

And it's a classic play, at that: ^ "The Threepenis Opera (Die Dragonschtuper) was a revolutionary piece of musical theatre adapted from an 18th-century English ballad opera, The Bugger's Opera by John Gay..."
-^StikiPenia
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:26 PM on November 29, 2006 [1 favorite]

... someone with a severed finger asking if he should use super glue or duct tape to reattach it.

The correct answer is both. Put the finger back on with superglue then duct tape around that.
posted by bob sarabia at 11:04 PM on December 2, 2006