Comments on: Please side bar this Microsoft office sound

Please side bar this Microsoft office sound

niles — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:34:38 -0800

Could one of these maybe get side-barred? It's not the easiest thing to search for, and it's been asked twice within a 7 day period...

By: niles

niles — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:36:03 -0800

/ why-does-Microsoft-give-us-cute-features-no-one-wants Filter

By: smackfu

smackfu — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:59:51 -0800

Just coincidence.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:09:29 -0800

"This sideblog keeps track of site news and noteworthy posts"

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:18:23 -0800

Yeah I'm not inclined to sidebar a question an an idiotic Windows "feature". Maybe I can add better tags to the questions though.

By: vacapinta

vacapinta — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:20:08 -0800

Maybe its time for an Ask.Me FAQ? There are certian questions that keep recurring and have been answered well in the past. I'm thinking of the "Whats the human equivalent of dog food/ What is the minimum diet I can survive on" question as well as this one niles mentions.

It'd be great if we could somehow build up a knowledge base.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:30:24 -0800

Should I break up with my significant other?

Yes.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:31:46 -0800

What should I put on my mixtape?

Songs.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:34:03 -0800

I'm going to be somewhere for an amount of time. What should I do there?

Stuff.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:36:22 -0800

What should I get as a present for some random person? They like various things.

Other things that have a relationship to the thing that you mentioned that they like.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:43:28 -0800

Should I sleep with my girlfriend's mother when she's on the rag?

Is she hot?

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:54:47 -0800

Can you help me identify this rash?

Syphilis.

By: GooseOnTheLoose

GooseOnTheLoose — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 11:59:28 -0800

Why did my question get deleted?

Because it's a cruel, cruel world.

By: bigmusic

bigmusic — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:01:42 -0800

What font is this?

Please try these sites:
identifont
font explorer
What the font

By: smackfu

smackfu — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:08:09 -0800

I read this book about some kids...

House of Stairs.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:08:54 -0800

I impregnated my blind girlfriend's sister. Should I tell her?

Bannanation.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:15:27 -0800

I don't think I was wrong. Was I wrong? I'm pretty sure I didn't fucking do anything wrong.

You were wrong, and you're an asshole.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:18:17 -0800

What if some event in history had happened differently?

Everything would change. You wouldn't exist to ask this question.

Is Bannanation a republic?

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:21:34 -0800

Can the Hive Mind name this song?

No. Bees don't have radios.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:23:22 -0800

Of course there's... [more inside]

Stop fucking doing that.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:25:42 -0800

What answers would I get if I put these terms into Google?

The same ones we get.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:29:00 -0800

I have an appointment with the doctor to have him look at this disgusting lumpy skin condition, but I want a second opinion. What do you think?

It smells bad, too.

By: gigawhat?

gigawhat? — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:29:50 -0800

I'm looking for books about life in a 19th Century Australian penal colony, having just finished Richard Flanagan's mesmerizing Gould's Book of Fish. Suggestions?

You should definitely check out Gould's Book of Fish by Richard Flanagan.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:31:33 -0800

Why do people do this everyday thing that really annoys me?

Because it annoys you.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:33:02 -0800

What organizations exist in the Twin Cities for web professionals?

I have no idea, ask Prince.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:37:45 -0800

How long would it take me to drive from South Station in Boston to Penn Station in New York in a Renault Dauphine on a Friday afternoon in the rain, with six clowns in the back seat? What route should I take?

Eighty days. Take the Great Circle route.

By: daninnj

daninnj — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:37:46 -0800

Hey! It looks like you're writing a letter!

SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 12:39:36 -0800

Why haven't you called?

It isn't you, it's me.

By: ericb

ericb — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:03:56 -0800

Our cat is ruining our furniture. Should we get her declawed or get rid of her? What's the easiest way to dispose of a cat?

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:15:29 -0800

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:16:00 -0800

Should I tell my crush that I love him?

Yes.

Should I tell the girl that I'm stalking that I love her?

No.

By: tkolar

tkolar — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:42:11 -0800

My Mac is doing something really confusing...

Buy a PC.

My PC is completely hosed...

Switch to Linux.

Does anyone know why Linux blows so hard?

I dumped my LInux box for a Mac, and haven't looked back.

By: deborah

deborah — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:44:51 -0800

Every time I do this X does that. Why?

Stop doing that. And call a doctor. Or a lawyer. Or both.

By: Chuckles

Chuckles — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:47:33 -0800

Here are some of my thoughts on FreqeuntlyAskedOfMetaFilter from late September. I still haven't gotten back to working on it, but I will eventually.

How do we convince people that the wiki is worth looking at?

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:50:42 -0800

I'm a very nerdy man, and I want to get some dates with the softer life forms known as "ladies". What do I do?

Put down the Wii. Step away from your computer.

By: educatedslacker

educatedslacker — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:53:25 -0800

What happens if it doesn't rub the lotion on its skin?

It gets the hose again.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:54:28 -0800

I'm fucked up and miserable and my life is a total train wreck.

Get some therapy, you loser.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:56:01 -0800

How do we convince people that the wiki is worth looking at?

Make one worth looking at? The one you posted is a good start, but it's not even 5% there.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:57:06 -0800

And also...
Why does it really annoy me when people do this everyday thing?

How the hell should we know?

By: educatedslacker

educatedslacker — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:00:12 -0800

I miss her a lot. What should I do?

Work on your aim.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:01:32 -0800

What's a good name for X?

iPod. iPod is a really good name.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:14:32 -0800

My penis itches, what should I do?

Sex Change.

By: signal

signal — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:24:53 -0800

I am looking for FOO. One example is BAR, can you recommend others?

Hey, you should check out BAR, it's exactly what you're looking for.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:26:32 -0800

I'm trying to find a good fitting [insert female clothing item here] but all the ones I find don't fit.

Hey it's okay, I think women in ill-fitting [female clothing item] are teh hawt!

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:31:43 -0800

Why did Kurt Cobain commit suicide?

To get to the other side.

I want to know something very specific on a very obscure topic now considered arcane about which no online resources exist. I know it's a long shot, but can anyone help me?

Sure, because I happen to work in this field. Here's the info you want. Welcome to Ask Metafilter.

What should I buy for someone who has everything?

A really fucking big shed.

Can a cow achieve Enlightenment?

Mu.

Who was responsible for [insert global tragedy]?

Hotmail did it.

Can you recommend some free software for getting my dead iPod to convince my bipolar drug addict husband to see a therapist in order to identify a font?

Sure.

By: Tuwa

Tuwa — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 14:48:51 -0800

/ why-does-Microsoft-give-us-cute-features-no-one-wants Filter

Because it makes them feel better about the five-year-old bugs they're ignoring.

By: matthewr

matthewr — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 15:02:43 -0800

Hotmail did it.

That thread and, especially, the associated MeTa are so deserving of a metafilterhistory tag.

By: FelliniBlank

FelliniBlank — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 15:19:22 -0800

How do I have sex?

Walk stark naked into a frat house or bachelorette party (depending on your preference), and someone will show you. However, even if you get really good at it, no one will ever love you.

Please tell me that this unbelievably stupid, self-destructive thing I want to do is a good thing to do even though I already know it's stupid and self-destructive.

Sure, go ahead; just don't come cryin' to me afterward.

What should I do to get over this unbelievably stupid and self-destructive thing I just did despite knowing better?

Immediately cut off your right hand.

By: BrodieShadeTree

BrodieShadeTree — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 15:24:07 -0800

R U IN MY X,Y'ING MY Z ?!?!

I'm in your x y'ing your z.

By: sugarfish

sugarfish — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 16:08:21 -0800

Why am I having this female-oriented problem? Please don't tell me it's not a big deal.

You know, this chick who used to sit in the cubicle next to me had that exact same problem, and like I told her, it didn't bother me at all.

By: niles

niles — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 16:08:47 -0800

Cripes. I leave for 7 hours, and look what happens.

Jessamyn: Understood - and when I went back to look at the tags, they almost match up on each question. Two use "sound", one uses "sounds". Now if we could just get people to search before they ask....

I think my neighbors (who are a minority, and stealing my power) might be a) growing illegal drugs, or 2) running an illegal charity. I am also under house arrest, so I can't talk to them - but I know they are out to get me. What should I do? Would a web cam help?

By: fixedgear

fixedgear — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 16:30:06 -0800

Can't hear you, my PC is making a wierd noise.

By: four panels

four panels — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 16:49:22 -0800

Why are pretty girls so lonely?

Psychos taste like candy.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:02:05 -0800

I just pooped out my nose. Is that normal?

No. It really isn't.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:05:33 -0800

It is if you have shit for brains, and they're draining.

/Nothing personal - just noting the eponysterical goodness

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:05:49 -0800

Hope me, Hive Mind!

I was going to, but I changed my mind.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:34:46 -0800

IRFH, I prefer "fertile mind," thank you very much.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:44:35 -0800

Mushroom enabled?

By: yhbc

yhbc — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 17:53:37 -0800

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you catch a cloud and pin it down?

By: The Deej

The Deej — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:15:05 -0800

More LOLs in this thread than you can shake a stick at!

Which reminds me:
What would you shake at a thread that has a lot of LOLs? Thanks HiveMind!!! (This is for a homework assignment, and for work, and for my consulting job, and just to annoy you.)

Also, Why do stars fall down from the sky, every time you walk by?

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:18:52 -0800

What should we get Millie and Jimmy for a wedding gift?

Candlesticks always make a nice gift. Maybe you can find out where she's registered and get a place setting or two.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:24:48 -0800

Why do birds...[more inside]

Suddenly appear?

By: drezdn

drezdn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:26:41 -0800

Can I get away with scams on ebay?

Apparently.

By: Kwine

Kwine — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:27:54 -0800

What if I can't think of a good cliche AskMe question for the jokey thread?

Hang out on AskMe more, and while you're at it, for christ's sake improve your MeTa/MeFi comment ratio, which, by the way, this comment isn't helping. In the meantime, try a meta-question and hope no one notices.

By: drezdn

drezdn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:33:05 -0800

Do you want to see a photo of Tony Danza in the nude?

Yes

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:43:00 -0800

Would it be wrong to use AskMe to request graphic imagery of a man sodomising a chicken?

I am NOT falling for that again!

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:48:55 -0800

My google-fu is failing me....

Find a new sensei.

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:49:04 -0800

I've heard that in China they eat felines - I'm curious. What do they taste like?

A 9V battery.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 18:55:19 -0800

I'm interested in bedding a young girl. I'm NOT hear to talk about the morality or legality of it, so leave that out of this. But, how do I convince her to invite her friend, too?

You wrote "hear" when you meant "here".

By: edgeways

edgeways — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:09:58 -0800

I spilled coffee on my keyboard what do I do?

Pour some cream in there too, and a packet of sugar

By: educatedslacker

educatedslacker — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:29:28 -0800

If you're driving down the river in a canoe and your left wing falls off, how many flapjacks does it take a build a doghouse?

Thirty-seven. But that's only because grass doesn't grow on footballs.

By: niles

niles — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:31:34 -0800

I've heard that in China they eat felines - I'm curious. What do they taste like?

Actually, it's dog. And it makes your stomach growl.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:37:15 -0800

When americans say 'cream' in their coffee, do they actually mean milk?

No, honest, I'm curious....I keep visualising a cup of coffee with a blob of cream on top and going 'ewwwww'.

By: educatedslacker

educatedslacker — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:46:29 -0800

What's a pederast, Walter?

Shut the fuck up, Donny.

By: smackfu

smackfu — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 19:47:03 -0800

How do we convince people that the wiki is worth looking at?

Maybe add it to the Ask search box? I think Yahoo can handle multiple domains.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 20:04:16 -0800

When you're sliding into first and you feel something...burst?

Diarrhea.

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 20:50:14 -0800

I've had this hunk of Gorgonzola in the fridge for so long now it reminds me of Keith Richards. Should I eat it?

Go for it. Just don't approach it when it's performing.

By: trip and a half

trip and a half — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:07:05 -0800

#jacalata: When Americans refer to "cream" in their coffee, they are usually referring to "half-and-half": a mixture of light cream and milk.

By: bingo

bingo — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:07:06 -0800

I've got a great idea for a MetaFilter feature. Will you implement it?

No. [closed]

By: bingo

bingo — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:09:14 -0800

I keep visualising a cup of coffee with a blob of cream on top and going 'ewwwww'.

Cream doesn't come in blobs. We're not talking about whipped cream here, we're talking cream. It's thicker than milk, but it's still liquid.

By: advil

advil — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:13:14 -0800

When americans say 'cream' in their coffee, do they actually mean milk?

We mean something anywhere in between heavy whipping cream, half and half, and milk. All of these are basically liquids (heavy cream is like 40% milkfat) and not blobs (so I'm not actually sure what you have in mind for "cream", Crème Fraîche or something?)

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:26:38 -0800

Could one of these get disbarred? Like, maybe in some sort of cage match?

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:28:56 -0800

Where should I go? What should I do when I get there?

Go to Amsterdam. Take mushrooms.

By: Lynsey

Lynsey — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:54:17 -0800

I'm going to be in XYZ for 20 minutes, what should I do?

Go to the airport shop and buy a nice book.

By: Lynsey

Lynsey — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 21:57:31 -0800

I'm going to move to XYZ for a 2-year job, but I don't know anything about it. Where should I live, what should I wear, what should I eat? Will I be pretty, will I be rich?

(I told her tenderly) Que sera, sera; whatever will be, will be; the future's not ours to see, que sera, sera.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:02:00 -0800

It is dark.

You are likely to be eaten by a grue.

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:09:42 -0800

How do I get answers to frequently asked questions?

Here.

By: Kwine

Kwine — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:22:52 -0800

I'm drunk, and I'm posting another metaquestion.

Working too hard, can give you a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:24:55 -0800

Will I find true love?
Outlook Not So Good

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:26:00 -0800

*shake, shake, shake*

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:28:08 -0800

It is decidedly so.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 22:49:49 -0800

Coming in 2007 from IRFH Industries... itisdecidelysew.com, your one-stop blog-shop for sewing tips, dos and don'ts, and pirated patterns. It's a...

Oh, dammit, I'm supposed to be parodying Ask in this thread, not Projects.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 23:19:20 -0800

Hypothetically, how long would it take to fill the Chunnel if the ceiling was breached?

Well, assuming there are zombies in the Chunnel, you would first figure out its volume - taking into account the various vehicles (And number of zombies, natch!) in the space, which would affect displacement.

Then, using a couple of hydrodynamics formulas I whipped up 'specially for this AskMe and the diameter of the breach, it'd be a simple matter of calculating the time it would take to have those zombies floating all around.

Buuuuut... if there aren't any zombies in the Chunnel, I'm sorry, but I can't help you and this AskMe will be deleted.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 23:19:41 -0800

I have problems with-

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 23:20:01 -0800

I'm always interrupting people!

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 23:20:53 -0800

Why don't people like me?
TIA, jerkfaces!

By: I Am Not a Lobster

I Am Not a Lobster — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 23:32:30 -0800

Who's on first?

No, seriously, I'm asking.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 23:33:04 -0800

"Coming in 2007 from IRFH Industries..."

Funny you should say that...

By: blacklite

blacklite — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 02:32:25 -0800

I have been at a frou-frou restaurant (yes, in America) where I was served very tasty coffee with large-grain sugar (I'm not sure what type specifically) and some whipped light cream, which dissolved instantly in the coffee.

I am sure it was horrible for my health, but it was really really good. That is cream in coffee. Half & half is okay. But, really, compared to Europe, America does horrible things to coffee. It is true. But no one really knows what they're missing.

By: handee

handee — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 02:59:29 -0800

I am in a maze of twisty corridors, all alike. Which way should I go?

Have you considered Cancun? It's very nice at this time of year.

By: taz

taz — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:04:11 -0800

I have some kind of problem with something and I need your help! However, I'm not going to mention anything about what it is on the front page. No! I won't! Not even a teeny clue! There's much

*didn't read*

By: champthom

champthom — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:11:57 -0800

Why does God hate me?

Because you touch yourself at night.

Do you know the way to San Jose?

No.

How do I get a present for my dancing santa .gif?

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:36:40 -0800

Leave him some cookies. From amazon.com. He won't get you any presents unless you leave him cookies. Maybe get him a present, too.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:40:30 -0800

My friend's therapist called him names and locked him out of her office. Can he sue?

Your therapist is probably terrified of your disgusting lumpy skin condition, that's why.

By: moonbird

moonbird — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 03:41:38 -0800

Is it apprpriate to FAPFAPFAP in a MeTa party thread?

Yes. That's what everyone else is doing.

By: quonsar

quonsar — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 04:19:46 -0800

where is your fish?

in my pants.

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 04:43:47 -0800

What makes the Hottentot so hot, what puts the "ape" in apricot, what have they got that I ain't got?

IANAD, but I suspect the answer is "a disgusting lumpy skin condition."

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 04:54:00 -0800

Does your PC do the dog?

By: patricio

patricio — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 05:05:41 -0800

No, but it does the mashed potato.

Is it wrong to watch porn in my open plan office at the monastery while declawing cats?

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 05:40:26 -0800

No, the other monks will most likely be inwardly thanking you. But you might want to wear a wrist brace while shucking claws; any precaution against carpal tunnel syndrome is worth the time and money spent.

Related:
I leave a bin of claw shuckings next to my recycling every Thursday, and I suspect my obviously-Hispanic, WiFi-stealing neighbors are rummaging through my trash to harvest calcium, or perhaps something ....else. Is it possible that they find [more inside]

By: Tasty Like Your 9V Battery

Tasty Like Your 9V Battery — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:12:12 -0800

What's the best way to get people to notice my awesome username? Are they not noticing because I'm too awesome?

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:18:38 -0800

Self link a few times, everyone will know who you are then.

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:19:59 -0800

I leave a bin of claw shuckings next to my recycling every Thursday, and I suspect my obviously-Hispanic, WiFi-stealing neighbors are rummaging through my trash to harvest calcium, or perhaps something ....else. Is it possible that they find

Report them to ICE. When this doesn't work, start building your own rickety fence on the border to get attention.

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:20:09 -0800

Then: Profit!

By: languagehat

languagehat — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:20:37 -0800

A MetaTalk thread is making me laugh so hard my lungs are hurting. What do I do?

See a lawyer.

Are they not noticing because I'm too awesome?
posted by Tasty Like Your 9V Battery

They're too awestruck to move their hands on the keyboard.

By: four panels

four panels — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:32:42 -0800

I recently decided to use my trust fund to become a gutter punk. How do I go about integrating with other like-minded sociopaths? [more inside]

I already have a tattered, safety pin adorned jacket I soaked in mule shit, and my shirt and cutoffs I got off of ebay from a recently exhumed MIA vet of the Korean War. Where do I go from here?

NYU.

By: GuyZero

GuyZero — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:39:44 -0800

I have no actual question but I love making that joke where I send you running to look at [more inside]

By: paulsc

paulsc — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:42:09 -0800

I'm too embarrassed to mention this to my doctor, but lately I've been having intolerable self-destructive thoughts which have finally convinced me to blow myself up exactly 19 minutes from now, unless the HiveMind can talk me out of it.
posted by anonymous at 11:01 EST

anonymous, I've never blown myself up, but it sounds doubleplus ungood. Please don't. Someone has to write the Great American Novel of the 21st Century, and you may be having the unique artistic suffering necessary to that end. Besides, you aren't playing fair to give us a short deadline, and no throwaway Hotmail address to which we can submit pointless queries for additional information that will help us call 911 in your area, and be taken seriously.

So, we're going to have to MeTa this thread, and you know how that is going to go...

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:49:29 -0800

I've been keeping our Elkhound in a tenor saxophone case, for space purposes. My sister-in-law insists he needs more room; she favors the Brookstone Dog Silo, but I feel that it's too vertical our pet's needs. So Hive-Mind: What is the best way to dispose of a human body? Quick-lime, or lackadaisical-lime? Appropriate song lyrics R a big +!!

By: cellphone

cellphone — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 06:58:22 -0800

Sometimes when I'm driving down the freeway, I see semi-translucent signs that tell me to stop, climb on top of a deer carcass recently splattered by a passing semi, furiously rape it, get back in my car, and stop at Denny's. After which I drive up mountain passes and drive my car into snow and get stuck on purpose so I will be rescued just like that fabulously half-Asian family on the news I keep hearing about. But nobody comes for me, so I get back in my car (ha ha it was a Subaru!) and I drive back to Civilization and go back to Denny's and complain to the waitstaff that I'm not loved enough while stuffing my face with waffles. My waffles, however, taste like fish and I am forced to disembowel the fat moron eating steak next to me, who not only happens to be on oxygen due to his emphysema, but is currently smoking as well. I then cut up his intestines into delicious little pieces and put them in a backpack, but forget to take it with me as I stumble out the front door. Soon I am home, sleeping, ready to go out for another beautiful day tomorrow!

Reaganomics!

By: educatedslacker

educatedslacker — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 07:01:24 -0800

What's this creepy site advertising?

A fucking ski resort.

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 07:02:47 -0800

God, I hate that f@cking ski resort.

By: ericb

ericb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 07:25:54 -0800

MetaFilter is being attacked by 5-year-olds who will stop at nothing to take it down. How many MeFites are necessary to take on the little fuckers before the servers are overcome?

By: Science!

Science! — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 08:32:46 -0800

Two, but we have shotguns.

By: wheelieman

wheelieman — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 08:50:00 -0800

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man? Not interested in hearing anything about blowing or wind.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 08:51:53 -0800

None, apparently. You called him a man in the question.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 08:52:32 -0800

Oh, and - blow me, you big windbag.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 09:21:06 -0800

How do I pay off my piles of credit card debt [more inside] without doing any more work than I'm already doing, spending any less than I'm already spending, or doing anything illegal?

Fake your own death.
(on preview, whoops! I missed the more inside!)

By: Your Time Machine Sucks

Your Time Machine Sucks — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 09:59:26 -0800

I'm curious about this sentence in a language that I don't speak -- could someone else who doesn't speak it feed it into Google Language Tools and speculate about what the results might mean?

Sure thing!

By: weapons-grade pandemonium

weapons-grade pandemonium — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 10:11:30 -0800

Who put the bomp in the bomp bah bomp bah bomp?
Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong?

Beats me. But jessamyn definitely took it out.

By: safetyfork

safetyfork — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 10:28:19 -0800

Please help me identify a book from my childhood that totally, like, changed my life. I don't remember how it started or ended, or frankly what went on in the middle, but I remember there was an illustration on the cover.

Everyone Poops?

By: IndigoRain

IndigoRain — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 10:42:17 -0800

Best thread evar!

By: moss

moss — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 11:31:44 -0800

When americans say 'cream' in their coffee, do they actually mean milk?

Here is an old comment from an open thread on Making Light, in which American dairy products are explained.

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 11:57:53 -0800

I'm going to be a new parent soon. Any advice?

Become a coprophiliac.

By: Cranberry

Cranberry — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 12:51:49 -0800

joseph_elmhurst - I may have to deal with it, but i don't have to love it.

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 13:02:13 -0800

Why am I having this female-oriented problem? Please don't tell me it's not a big deal.

O.K. You're going to die.

By: tkolar

tkolar — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 13:53:20 -0800

A few men have made my life difficult over the years, so I'm going to ask a question implying that all men everywhere are insensitive clods who are to be managed like cattle rather than talked to as individuals. When my assumptions are challenged in the ensuing thread, should I post sulky comments directly in the thread, or should I doa MeTa callout for that?

I'm not female and have no direct experience at all with the topic that you're asking about, but I am possessed of a fine Y chromosone that gives me the ability to answer any question about anything.

By: box

box — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 14:02:04 -0800

I did some stupid-ass thing at work. Did I just ruin my career?

You call that a career?

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 15:18:22 -0800

This is something I want to post to askme but I'm pretty sure it will get deleted:

What is it with all the white male conservative strip cartoonists who use female black/hispanic avatars? I'm thinking of Prickly City and Day By Day, but I notice that even in Mallard Fillmore, the duck's only office friend appears to be an african american woman. What the hell?

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 15:54:32 -0800

Maryh,wow, nice tits ya got there doll.

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 16:26:47 -0800

Little early in the afternoon to be slappin' on the beer goggles, innit meaty?

By: bevedog

bevedog — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 18:17:35 -0800

How do I convince my boyfriend to get a job while he waits for his big break in the videogame industry?

Dump the deadbeat, as he will never get a job. Also, here are links to photos of his ridiculous car, and to an auction where he is selling your jewelry.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 18:27:33 -0800

maryh, sorry if it wasn't clear, I was trying to give a spoof answer to your question, from the POV of a white male conservative. I actually have the deepest and most sincere respect for you, regardless of your physical endowments. :)

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 18:28:25 -0800

Some of my best friends are dolls, honest.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 18:40:57 -0800

I made a sexist comment to a woman and I'm not sure she understands I was joking, what should I do?

Stop digging.

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 18:42:08 -0800

But still, you must tell me where these tits can be viewed.

By: weretable and the undead chairs

weretable and the undead chairs — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 19:02:24 -0800

All tits that have seen the light of day are eventually spewed into the filthy corridors of Usenet. I suggest checking

alt.binaries.pictures.birds

By: maryh

maryh — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 19:22:22 -0800

B(.)(.)BIES!

By: IronLizard

IronLizard — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 19:27:35 -0800

I say, those are nice boobies, maryh.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 19:31:11 -0800

Check out this rack.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 20:36:57 -0800

Birdfilter: A man on the street told me I had great tits. How could he possibly know that I did indeed have these birds in my aviary?

This thread is useless without pics!

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 20:48:17 -0800

This thread is useless without Picts.

By: Tuwa

Tuwa — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 21:40:14 -0800

This thread is useless without picks.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:24:50 -0800

This thread is useless without Pix.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:37:32 -0800

TTIUWO Pyrix!

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:47:30 -0800

This thread is useless.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:48:59 -0800

This thread is.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:55:10 -0800

This thread.

By: typewriter

typewriter — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:57:44 -0800

This.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 22:57:46 -0800

Crazy delicious.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Wed, 06 Dec 2006 23:42:37 -0800

Crazy delicious fun.

By: team lowkey

team lowkey — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 00:12:43 -0800

Crazy delicious fun for.

By: cgc373

cgc373 — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 00:46:27 -0800

Crazy delicious fun for the.

By: patricio

patricio — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 01:38:47 -0800

Crazy delicious fun for the whole family?

By: weretable and the undead chairs

weretable and the undead chairs — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 01:46:11 -0800

Crazy delicious fun for the whole family of otters that I just made sweet, sweet love to in the basement.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 03:07:40 -0800

Crazy delicious fun for the whole family of otters that I just made sweet, sweet love to in the basement where the walls are really wet since we had that heavy rain. Will I soon need a snorkel to do it again?

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 07:42:48 -0800

falbdablet: I am a doctor but not YOUR doctor.

By: Kwine

Kwine — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 08:16:06 -0800

Annnnnd, scene!

By: and hosted from Uranus

and hosted from Uranus — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:01:40 -0800

As scene on TV?

By: matildaben

matildaben — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:24:34 -0800

IANAD but I play one on TV.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:33:47 -0800

Is this something I'd need a TV to understand?

You're pretty dense. I doubt a TV would help you much.

By: Kirth Gerson

Kirth Gerson — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:57:21 -0800

I went to see the doctor about my disgusting lumpy (and now oozing) skin condition, but he wouldn't unlock his office door. He slipped a prescription out under the door, but it seems kind of odd. Does "Take two TVs and call me in the morning" sound like an effective treatment for my skin condition, or should I sue?

By: Zed_Lopez

Zed_Lopez — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 09:58:14 -0800

I'd like to jump off of a bridge, with no safety equipment. How can I do this safely? Remember, absolutely no safety equipment!

Use safety equipment, idiot.

By: ottereroticist

ottereroticist — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 11:43:02 -0800

I'd like to experience being waterboarded. How can I do that?

I can help you out, but my rate is $275 an hour. Your safeword is "civil rights."

By: ericb

ericb — Thu, 07 Dec 2006 15:52:05 -0800

It seems people have a lot of vitriol for my comments. Since I missed those posts,should I take this opportunity to respond?

Um, no. Unless we get a compelling flameout.

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Mon, 11 Dec 2006 13:45:36 -0800

What is your single favorite book of all time?

[List of 20+ books]

By: Spike

Spike — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 17:54:42 -0800

Where can I get leet warez?

Don't copy that floppy!