Comments on 13242

Yes, sometimes my comments are off-topic. It's not intentional, I just start writing something and get caught up in writing it and lose sight of what the original subject was supposed to be about.

People dismiss me as someone who thinks himself a sad-eyed visionary, a self-important drunkard who believes his own suffering is so great that the entire world desperately wants to share in his tragedy.

Sorry. But I don't think this is true. I have not, in fact, been for a stumbling waltz with the bottle since almost exactly when I made the post regarding my drinking problem. I have no illusions about my brilliance; when people deride me in threads because of my seemingly pretentious remarks I accept it as the probably true. I know I veer towards pretention and am doubtless to be received as such by some people.

You may wish to psychoanalyze my reasons for commenting as I do, and assign to me whatever mental illnesses you think would lead someone to behave the way I do. You might even be right. I don't know. I just know that I tremendously enjoy writing what I write, and I always figured that if people really didn't like my writing, they would just scroll past my comments on to whatever else people were saying without wasting their time on my overwrought prose.

So, I'm sorry for wasting the time it takes for you to move your mouse to the scrollbar at the right side of your browser window and whisk past my comments. Multiplying the number of comments I've made by the number of people that have read them, that probably adds up to quite a lot of wasted time. I always figured that because I have a 2:1 favorited:comments ratio, I was doing okay. However that may have just been an illusion created by the fact that there is no way to give someone a negative favorite, to indicate your dismay with the fact that they dared befoul your monitor with their trite remarks.

Finally, I'm not looking for this to turn into a "please keep commenting kfx" thread. I'm not fishing for compliments, or for people to tell me that they want me to keep posting. I don't, in fact, know what I expect people to comment on this. I just searched for my own name on MeTa and was quite startled to read what people were saying about me - I knew some people disliked my comments, but had no idea how deep those sentiments ran.

Is this what's known as a "flame out"?
posted by kfx at 3:09 PM on December 6, 2006

Is this what's known as a "flame out"?

Well, it would help things if you suggested that we all fuck ourselves.
posted by ColdChef at 3:18 PM on December 6, 2006 [3 favorites]

Don't worry about it, It's the net, some folks just come online to flame others, makes them feel like a big man and it's the nail that sticks up that gets banged down. And I enjoyed that "office" story.
posted by Iron Rat at 3:21 PM on December 6, 2006

Is "virtiol" like vertical take-off and landing?
posted by interrobang at 3:25 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Would it help if I suggest we all fuck ourselves? 'Cause it sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:25 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Take me now, you magnificent bitch.
posted by scrump at 3:30 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

So, I'm sorry for wasting the time it takes for you to move your mouse to the scrollbar at the right side of your browser window and whisk past my comments.

I thought everyone had a scroll-wheel nowadays...
posted by reklaw at 3:33 PM on December 6, 2006

I had no idea who the hell you were. Arguably, I still do not.

I am unsure if this is better or worse for you, but I have my suspicions.
posted by phearlez at 3:35 PM on December 6, 2006

Nah, I'm on an old thinkpad. I use the arrow keys.

And IRFH and scrump need to get a room. With a camera. So we can all watch.

/pervert
posted by quin at 3:38 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Keep posting, kfx. Or stop. One of those.
posted by bob sarabia at 3:39 PM on December 6, 2006

If it makes you feel any better, languagehat seems to have taken a shine to you. Though he probably wouldn't object to your flaming out, so long as it was done with style, along with much wailing and gnashing of teeth.
posted by gigawhat? at 3:42 PM on December 6, 2006

I'm sorry, what? I can't understand you unless you're speaking in long allegories that have little to do with the actual post. In this case, I reccommend telling us all a story about killing your first brown bear, and how, looking into it's cold dead eyes, you cried.
posted by muddgirl at 3:43 PM on December 6, 2006 [7 favorites]

Thankfully not everyone is as much of an asshole as muddgirl. I enjoy kfx's comments a great deal, and I hope to see more of them.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 3:46 PM on December 6, 2006

Then I slit open its swollen belly, and crawled into the steaming makeshift womb, knawing the carcass from time-to-time whenever I grew particularly hungry in the night.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:46 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

What were we talking about, again?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:47 PM on December 6, 2006

*"knawing?" Sheesh!*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:50 PM on December 6, 2006

Mr. Cheese: huh? I was being mostly serious. This post was too long and literal. I want to read a story about becoming a man, and killing bears in Canada. If that makes me an asshole, well...
posted by muddgirl at 3:51 PM on December 6, 2006

What were we talking about, again?

I don't know, but you whispered something in my ear about "sweet, sweet love" and a quart of Mad Dog 20/20, so I'd just like to remind you that I'm here for you. If you need a shoulder to, um, lean on.
posted by scrump at 3:51 PM on December 6, 2006

Yeah, for what it's worth, I enjoy your comments a lot, and hope you'll ignore the naysayers. Nothing here ever passes without a snark or three.

But if you do flame out, I'm sure you'll do it with style!
posted by languagehat at 3:51 PM on December 6, 2006

I'm with phearlez.
posted by jonson at 3:58 PM on December 6, 2006

there is no way to give someone a negative favorite, to indicate your dismay with the fact that they dared befoul your monitor with their trite remarks

Aside: I think it's more accurate to say that there's no way to know that a favorite is intended as negative. It's trivial to give a negative favorite: just click the [+] link because you want to remember a bad comment.
posted by cortex at 3:58 PM on December 6, 2006

I love the word *trite* thanks for the post, it reminded me of a Leonard Cohen lyric..... And I thank you, I thank you for doing your duty,
you keepers of truth, you guardians of beauty.
Your vision is right, my vision is wrong,
I'm sorry for smudging the air with my song.
posted by hortense at 4:02 PM on December 6, 2006

What's the we, IRFH? Why don't you go fuck yourself?
posted by Meatbomb at 4:06 PM on December 6, 2006

I think it's more accurate to say that there's no way to know that a favorite is intended as negative.

This is why I have a separate account for marking bad comments as favourites.
posted by chrismear at 4:08 PM on December 6, 2006

Again?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:08 PM on December 6, 2006

The problem is that no one really cares what you think about what others think, nor should you care what they think in the first place.
posted by Loto at 4:12 PM on December 6, 2006

Gee kfx, it would appear you often forget brevity.
posted by Item at 4:26 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Like Loto or someone else once said,

"People wouldn't worry about what other people thought of them, if they knew how little they did."

posted by jaronson at 4:26 PM on December 6, 2006

IRFH, I think that you should go fuck ourselves.
posted by cortex at 4:27 PM on December 6, 2006

Finally, I'm not looking for this to turn into a "please keep commenting kfx" thread.

You'd be sorely disappointed if you were.
posted by grouse at 4:29 PM on December 6, 2006

Yes, sometimes my comments are off-topic. It's not intentional, I just start writing something and get caught up in writing it and lose sight of what the original subject was supposed to be about.

Umm...That doesn't make it OK. I believe the proper response here is GYOFB. Post the on-topic comments here, and the off-topic comments on YOFB. So easy!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 4:42 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

Florence Henderson touched my no-no spots!
posted by loquacious at 4:55 PM on December 6, 2006

Classic megalomaniac. Get help.
posted by wfrgms at 5:02 PM on December 6, 2006

Is "virtiol" like vertical take-off and landing?
posted by interrobang at 3:25 PM PST on December 6

Maybe it's virtual vitriol, which seems perfectly appropriate here in cyberspace.
posted by diddlegnome at 5:05 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

*General self-fucking ensues*
posted by clevershark at 5:05 PM on December 6, 2006

I'd rather read an occasional off-topic screed that makes some attempt at stylishness and originality than half the mindless pap routinely posted here.

I'd also like to encourage many of you who spend a lot of time addressing these issues to acquire a hobby to assuage the burning compulsion requiring you to make sure every person posts in the format you approve of, on the topics you care about, at the length you deem ideal, in the spirit you feel is correct, in the language you believe to be appropriate, conforming with the politics of which you approve, ad cockledoodledoo infinitum. Perhaps you could start attending meetings of your city council and loudly noting when it fails to adhere to parliamentary procedure. Perhaps you could travel to all the State Fairs of our great nation and enter every bean counting contest the local 4H sponsors. You might win a piglet, and that piglet might befriend a spider, who in an earnest attempt to save her piglet buddy from your sharp knives would send their mutual friend, a rat, to acquire small scraps of advertisements filled with the persuasive and beautiful language now commonly reserved to sell Wii consoles, and upon weaving these beautiful words in large webs for neighbors and morning show anchors and cute overload patrons to ooh and aah over, win you fame and fortune and adoration far exceeding the momentary mean pleasure you derive from yet again telling someone when to and when not to use superscript.
posted by melissa may at 5:09 PM on December 6, 2006 [74 favorites]

Well, it would help things if you suggested that we all fuck ourselves.

With our own severed hands.
posted by Cyrano at 5:10 PM on December 6, 2006 [3 favorites]

Perhaps we should all consider if we take this a bit too seriously!

as they used to say (and perhaps still do), it's all just 1's and 0's
posted by HuronBob at 5:13 PM on December 6, 2006

i kinda liked him better on the bottle
posted by localhuman at 5:17 PM on December 6, 2006

So you're apologizing for writing lengthy comments by... writing an equally lengthy comment.
posted by Leather McWhip at 5:20 PM on December 6, 2006

So, wait, where's this room where we're fucking ourselves again? Just, you know, out of curiosity.
posted by kalimac at 5:20 PM on December 6, 2006

THERE YOU ARE, YOU SPONGE. WHERE'S OUR TAPE?

OMG, we thought this was about k-fed, not kfx. Nevermind!
posted by Britney's Nipples at 5:28 PM on December 6, 2006

*gives Melissa May standing ovation, rushes out to have comment needlepointed and framed *
posted by konolia at 5:30 PM on December 6, 2006

I don't mind off-topic comments, in general.

It's like that time when I was in kindergarten. Because my school was in the Detroit ghetto, and at the time one of the most impoverished neighborhoods in the country, we often got things donated for distribution to the students. New shoes, take-home school supplies, and the like. One day, our teacher excitedly told us that some toys were donated; one for each student in my kindergarten class. However, there were different kinds of toys, making some more desireable than others. Among the boys, the most desirable toy was the plastic baseball and bat set.

The teacher chose names randomly, and as your name was called you chose the toy you wanted. Soon, all the ball and bat sets were gone. At that point, my friend Jeffery King started crying like, well, a kindergartener. One by one the children got their toys. The still blubbering Jeffery King and I were the last two to choose. My name was called before his.

I went to the front of the class and saw the 2 remaining toys: Matchbox cars. One was a race car, and the other was a hay truck. Obviously, any self-respecting little boy would prefer the race car, so that's what I took. I turned to go back to my seat just as Jeffery King caught his breath long enough for a long wailing sob. I felt sorry for him, so I turned around and put the race car back, taking the hay truck instead. I thought the least I could do was to give him the more desireable of the last two toys.

I sat down and the teacher tried to give the hay truck to the still sobbing Jeffery King. He swatted it away and kept crying. The teacher gave the truck to me. So I learned a valuable lesson that day. Don't be afraid to sacrifice for others; you may get rewarded in the end.

So, relating back to the original post... um... oh sorry I forgot my point.

O snap!
posted by The Deej at 5:33 PM on December 6, 2006

This thread is under 30 days old, and has been closed for attention whoring purposes.

« Older Has anyone ever considered a M... | DC or Baltimore meet anytime s... Newer »
posted by Armitage Shanks at 5:51 PM on December 6, 2006

Nice spoof AS
posted by The Deej at 5:59 PM on December 6, 2006

Melissa May,
I adore you, but you already knew that.
posted by Divine_Wino at 6:10 PM on December 6, 2006

Melissa May, I think I love you.
posted by googly at 6:35 PM on December 6, 2006

On postview, apparently I'm not the only one.
posted by googly at 6:36 PM on December 6, 2006

I like how it's a huge waste of time and super nerdy to complain about "misuse of superscript" but not to complain about people who complain about it.

Me? I already know I'm a wastoid.
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:40 PM on December 6, 2006

In this case, I reccommend telling us all a story about killing your first brown bear, and how, looking into it's cold dead eyes, you cried.

well, when i was a kid in canada, i went up to like, um, i think it was ontario ... you know, the place where they have lots of brown bears and my dad made me hunt and stuff and there was this really, really huge brown bear and i raised up my gun to shoot him and he like bit my head off and shit

i wanted to cry and shit but i couldn't because i didn't have any fucking eyes any more

that's when i realized life was such a bitch, you know?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:44 PM on December 6, 2006

I knew Metafilter was full of homophobic types, but I think stalking and killing bears is going too far. I don't even understand why you feel the need to single them out like that.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:09 PM on December 6, 2006

I killed a bear in Reno just to watch him die.
posted by Loto at 7:11 PM on December 6, 2006

Melissa May, may I have your babies?
posted by deborah at 7:18 PM on December 6, 2006

kfx - Your comments seem to be nothing but juvenile drivel; drunken spew masquerading as meaningful, deep prose. Stay, if you want, but don't fool yourself into thinking that you have this huge fan club that clamors for your every comment.

I could do without the off-topic posts. Get your own blog, if you like the sound of your own hollow voice so much.
posted by bshort at 7:19 PM on December 6, 2006

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posted by sourwookie at 7:26 PM on December 6, 2006 [3 favorites]

dear mattamyn please sidebar mellissamay's comment for all eternity in fact just hardcode it there in the html template thus rendering it impervious to database changes kthxbye
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:27 PM on December 6, 2006

Please don't chicken-fry that piglet!

I favorited MelissaMay's comment so hard I think it broke my favoritizer.
posted by FelliniBlank at 7:41 PM on December 6, 2006

What, you're not dead yet? Hurry up, my pool bet on you expires in a little under a week.
posted by ikkyu2 at 8:05 PM on December 6, 2006

I love you guys - kfx, mudgirl, mellissamay - your comments, all oh so contrariwise, are what make me love this fucking place like it was built out of Wiis with vaginas.
posted by blasdelf at 8:07 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

>I tremendously enjoy writing what I write, and I always figured that if people really didn't like my writing, they would just scroll past my comments

Funnily enough the red-eyed, stinking homeless man on the corner seems to have roughly the same philosophy.

He tremendously enjoys waving his dick at people and he figures that if people don't like his dick, they'll just walk by.

Seriously. Grow up, sober up, whatever. But stop posting random pretentious crap in the middle of a discussion about something else.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 8:17 PM on December 6, 2006 [4 favorites]

Yes, sometimes my comments are off-topic. It's not intentional, I just start writing something and get caught up in writing it and lose sight of what the original subject was supposed to be about.

There's this great new life-hack I heard about, it's called Re-Reading. Basically (and I'm not exactly sure, but I think I have this right) you read something, and then afterwards, you read it again. I think that you could write your post, and then try this Re-Reading thing on it . If it turns out that what you wrote down really wasn't something that required 1) reading the links in the OP or 2) responding to a previous comment, then you could just not post it to Metafilter.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:24 PM on December 6, 2006 [2 favorites]

I once ate a human heart.
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:26 PM on December 6, 2006

melissa may for president!
posted by madamjujujive at 8:46 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

*looks at sourwookie*
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 9:02 PM on December 6, 2006

Pick your spots, dude.

As in MeFi, as in most all aspects of life: less is more.
posted by kosem at 9:06 PM on December 6, 2006

It's not the original comments that bother me. I actually found them interesting and worth reading.

It's the whole "HAY GUYS! Did you all see what I posted in that other thread? You sure don't want to miss it it might get some reaction from you so I just thought I'd make sure you all saw it cause you might get pissed by it or it might make you think i'm smart or something but one thing is for sure I want to make sure you didn't miss the fact I made a post in that thread and it's kinda long and unusual and you really should read it and let me know what your reaction is cause I need to know if you reacted to it." thing that is a little off-putting.

Then there's the whole "HAY GUYS REMEMBER ME? I'm the one who posted in that thread a few weeks ago. Remember that thread? Anyway, if you don't remember it you might want to go read it now because I made a kinda long unusual post in it and if you don't read it now you might miss it forever cause you missed it the first time and I might not get your reaction to it because soon it will be archived and closed to comments then you'll never have a chance to tell me what you thought unless you email me or something." thing that's really annoying.
posted by sourwookie at 9:14 PM on December 6, 2006 [1 favorite]

When I was a kid, I won a full-size arcade game in one of those McDonald's scratch-off contests, except some other kid scratched off the "void if removed" portion so the gamepiece was invalid. I cried a lot because winning an arcade game was the best thing that had ever happened to me and it just slipped away.
posted by brain_drain at 9:16 PM on December 6, 2006

Dear kfx,

Thank you for taking the time to compose yet another one of the incoherent and disjointed ramblings detailing the motivations, inspirations, and excuses for the incoherent and disjointed ramblings you spend an inordinate amount of time writing, posting, and subsequently ignoring. To varying miniscule degrees, we all appreciate your efforts, and we encourage you to continue writing from the comfort of your mother's poorly-lit and sour-smelling basement, jail cell, van down by the river, or whatever halfway house in which you currently claim to reside.

As you may or may not know, the moderators and users of MetaFilter are extremely busy leading rich, fullfilling, and worthwhile lives, having terrific sex, eating good food, and enjoying the success which tends to follow people who do not spend the overwhelming majority of their time drinking, sitting in front of a computer, and posting whiny, pathetic rants excusing their drunken and idiotic behavior as the artistic outpourings of an untalented and misunderstood young novelist.

However, your incoherent and stumbling apology has been given all the consideration it's due, and perhaps even less, since we tend to regard your observations about us as more of a reflection on the sorry state of your own mediocre, unfullfilling, and unremarkable life. Therefore, our sincerest hope is this halfhearted attempt to acknowledge you will create the illusion that we care about your opinions.

Yours in twelve-steppiness,

MetaFilter
posted by fandango_matt at 9:28 PM on December 6, 2006

This whole thread: flagged as Enabling!
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 9:42 PM on December 6, 2006

The Deej : "I turned around and put the race car back, taking the hay truck instead...I sat down and the teacher tried to give the hay truck to the still sobbing Jeffery King. He swatted it away and kept crying. The teacher gave the truck to me."

I think you borked your anecdote, dude.
posted by bugbread at 2:04 AM on December 7, 2006

AFX was cool, slot cars rule. Oh, wait, this is about KFX? Never mind then.
posted by fixedgear at 3:36 AM on December 7, 2006

I agree entirely with sourwookie, except where he finds that the original comments were "interesting and worth reading."
posted by grouse at 3:49 AM on December 7, 2006

Pretentious twat, go drink some furniture polish.
posted by Mayor Curley at 4:04 AM on December 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

And then this one time, in band camp, we all got together and picked instruments and then, it was like...
posted by signal at 4:46 AM on December 7, 2006

mayor, is that really necessary? ... he could just rub his woody without the polish, couldn't he?
posted by pyramid termite at 4:49 AM on December 7, 2006

Melissa May - Fucking awesome. That post ought to appear somewhere in the user sign-up process.

kfx - May's post was a fine example of how longish posts are absolutely acceptable, and even celebrated, when they stay on point. True, scrolling past a chunk of unrelated pretension ranks pretty low on the inconvenience scale, but it is a bit of a drag. Especially when it risks derailing the thread.

I encourage you to continue pursuing your writing. Perhaps on a blog which you could then link from the "projects" section of mefi. This way, those interested in reading your writing would have a place to do so. And you would have a place to post it where you dictate the terms and the context, no longer needing to make even tenuous connections to subjects you weren't that interested in to begin with.
posted by EatTheWeak at 5:02 AM on December 7, 2006

> It's trivial to give a negative favorite: just click the [+] link because you want to remember a bad comment.

fuller regards his own list of comments favorited by others with new insight
posted by jfuller at 5:09 AM on December 7, 2006

MetaTalk is my is great hobby material. Metafilter is more something to do when too bored and listless to even engage with metaTalk. Pretty sure this relates directly to something in the metaVerse.

[ceiling_Jeffery_King_cryingAsYouScrollPastkfx.gif]
posted by econous at 5:09 AM on December 7, 2006

Sorry econous... does that actually mean anyting?
posted by econous at 5:13 AM on December 7, 2006

sometimes my comments are off-topic.

Yes, but, by gosh, the price is right!
posted by octobersurprise at 5:51 AM on December 7, 2006

Again, I maintain that no attempt at true, consistent pretension can be considered in any way serious without a determined attempt to present your random serialised mentatory excreta exclusively through 俳句.
posted by meehawl at 5:52 AM on December 7, 2006

Lotta assholes around here.
posted by languagehat at 5:52 AM on December 7, 2006

Now if only we had a bucket of cocks...
posted by Meatbomb at 6:29 AM on December 7, 2006

As you may or may not know, the moderators and users of MetaFilter are extremely busy leading rich, fullfilling, and worthwhile lives, having terrific sex, eating good food, and enjoying the success which tends to follow people who do not spend the overwhelming majority of their time drinking, sitting in front of a computer, and posting whiny, pathetic rants excusing their drunken and idiotic behavior as the artistic outpourings of an untalented and misunderstood young novelist.

Do you happen to possess a lovingly crafted animated gif of an pachyderm billowing forth urine as a feline visage throngs out of its anal aperture that could possibly express these sentiments more succinctly? I'd imagine it could be a wonderful educational tool here for kfx, you know - lead by example.
posted by prostyle at 6:33 AM on December 7, 2006

I'm torn. The comments are not unpleasant, this attention-seeking post is not not unpleasant.

kfx, bye.
posted by jack_mo at 6:39 AM on December 7, 2006

My own bear-killing story isn't nearly as interesting. Also I thought the restraining order to keep me away from that zoo was a wild overreaction to the whole thing.
posted by clevershark at 7:07 AM on December 7, 2006

I think you borked your anecdote, dude.

No more drunk-posting for me!
posted by The Deej at 7:55 AM on December 7, 2006

After reading this, I'm going to have to stop, because the internet is done. Melissa May won it.
posted by scrump at 7:55 AM on December 7, 2006

I wish to point the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the futility of pointing out the errors in other people's posting styles.
posted by signal at 8:12 AM on December 7, 2006

*stumbles, vomits*
posted by cortex at 8:13 AM on December 7, 2006

STEPPING OUT OF THE ELEVATOR, I survey my surroundings like a blog poll. 88 idiots are parading around the glass lobby, some carrying baggage and others pushing those three-dollar shopping carts. A used-to-be-regal sign hangs over my head; its Photoshop-filter-embossed gold letters are flaking off and some of the letters are missing but I can still read it: “The nternet” it says, and there’s a group of Japanese tourists taking photos of it.

I decide it’s time for a smoke, but my pockets are empty. I teleport into the lobby drugstore and walk past the sanitized aisles of carefully-shelved packages of Dimetapp, Tylenol and Virtiol. A kid in a cheap Moore’s suit and a shifty look on his face sideswipes me going in for the Big V, and I grab him by the shoulder. I’m like, “WTF?” It’s fucking kfx, and he’s clearly hyped out of his link.

“Sorry bro,” he mutters, and fumbles for a fiver to pay me off, but it’s too late. A crumbled up prescription has fallen out of his pocket and now it’s in my hand. The note is written in Doctor’s Script Pro.ttf, but I convert it to Times before reading it out loud:

“Take one (1) vitriol for your comments.”

I stare at him. “You’re taking this?”

He can’t meet my gaze. “I gotta. I hafta. It’s like a, like a fucking drug or something. I can’t get enough of it.”

“Kid,” I say. “You don’t need a prescription for vitriol. It’s off-the-shelf. Who gave you this?”

Just then a store employee approaches us with a Concerned Look on his employee face. “Is something the problem?”

“No,” I say calmly. “This gentlemen was just looking for vitriol.”
posted by Milkman Dan at 8:17 AM on December 7, 2006

Is this what's known as "shitting in the thread"?
posted by davy at 9:04 AM on December 7, 2006

And where does the Pope come into it?
posted by cortex at 9:07 AM on December 7, 2006

“I cried a lot because winning an arcade game was the best thing that had ever happened to me and it just slipped away.”

I cry all the time. And pee my kilt. So there’s that.

“he could just rub his woody without the polish, couldn't he?”

Hi kfx, how’s the....Say, nice penis!
Thanks I just had it varnished. Polished a whole bucket of cocks here!
Flippin Sweet!
posted by Smedleyman at 9:16 AM on December 7, 2006

Here is some exposition on the meaning of "virtiol."

And, some dissenting thoughts on melissamay's comment: I thought that one of the core Metafilter values was self-policing. There's a culture for acceptable content and style around here that is very valuable, and would not exist but for the pedantic MeFite police cracking down, sometimes hard, on the little stuff. I thought that pretty much everyone agreed about this.

It's true that superscripting the length of a video, wikipedia carats, Todd Lokken-style comments, lack of capitalization, poor grammar, spamming, Pepsi Blue, off-topic comments especially in AskMe, and a ton of other things is/were/are annoying to a significant subsection of the MeFi population, and true that if people didn't say so those things might catch on/have caught on, and made the site worse. It's true that the site reads quite differently with the image tag turned off, and that views differ sharply on whether the change is for the better or for the worse. Though discussion of that issue has no direct impact on whether images are allowed or not, Matt would be crazy not to inform his decision whether to leave it off based on those opinions and arguments. Not that we haven't beaten it to death at this point.

If I gave a fuck about the city council, and I thought that paramilitary procedure was important to its mission, I would go make sure that they were keeping to it-loudly if I had to. Or, at least, I would endorse someone being there to make sure.

So, melissamay writes a comment calling those people out, and 41 people mark it as favorite so far. I don't get it. I think we just like the taste of blood, even if it's our own.
posted by Kwine at 9:21 AM on December 7, 2006 [3 favorites]

Dude, Charlotte's Web. Charlotte's Web.
posted by cortex at 9:26 AM on December 7, 2006

Isn't this just the same thing that happens with every group of semi-random people? Most will converse in a fairly normal way, some will disagree or be disagreeable, some will attempt to befriend everyone, and some are wary of newcomers.

Then there's the guy who's nice enough but wants your time. Maybe he likes you, or maybe he just really needs the attention because it's what he's got. Some of these guys will make small talk and be happy sitting nearby as you converse with your friends. Others will trap you in the corner, launch off on some tangent vaguely related to what you said, and talk your ear off for the next half hour. kfx, this is probably you.

Places tend to be trafficked by a fairly regular group. I can expect at least a few acquaintances at bars, restaurants, and coffee shops I frequent. Eventually, you get a group consensus that tends to keep the guy there, or drive him away.

Honestly, if I met kfx in real life, I might talk to him occasionally if bored, or alone, or drunk. When it's quiet, like an empty MeFi thread. But these aren't the things I'd search out when I'm already having a good discussion or with someone.
posted by mikeh at 9:32 AM on December 7, 2006

Dude, Charlotte's Web. Charlotte's Web

Is that really it? Well, I like Charlotte's Web too.

*Stands in three-hour comment-favoriting line*
posted by Kwine at 9:38 AM on December 7, 2006

Mmmmm.....Blood.
posted by googly at 9:38 AM on December 7, 2006

Kwine: Every society of sufficient size involves a constant (if not steady) tension between authority and individuality, standards and creativity. Your examples represent one side of this equation, where peer pressure and edicts from on high combine to define and enforce group norms. This is, indeed, a good thing, and keeps us from devolving (further) into a (constant) anarchic crap-fest. The other side of this equation, as represented by melissa may, states that nothing can be new without first differing from the old. In other words, while rules give us our values, it is the outliers that give us our value. Fluctuating from the norm is life. The norm without deviation is a flat line.

So you're both right, in that it is the very opposition of these forces that keeps MetaFilter vibrant.

As for cortex's point re: Charlotte's Web - In my mind, it is Charlotte's Web that gains cred by association with melissa may, not the other way 'round.

And in closing: The bear had it coming. He was a self-linker.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:19 AM on December 7, 2006 [2 favorites]

One thing that bothers me is people (especially males of "Legal Age") will praise the most inane drivel if they think a hawt.chyk typed it (or a 16 year old "hooker boy"); some might even say "astounding critic" where a more mature woman would be called "crazy old dyke". The fact is that most available first-person narrative, whether called "memoir" or "fiction", is of no better quality than kfx's, that what matters is the publisher's publicity department and buddy-supplied author photo.

Now, I think kfx would be fun to hang out drink with -- and cheap to point to if my SO accused me of "having a drinking problem."
posted by davy at 10:20 AM on December 7, 2006

There's a culture for acceptable content and style around here that is very valuable, and would not exist but for the pedantic MeFite police cracking down

i don't think this culture of yours is going to be worth a damn if compulsive negativeness and meanness are going to be a part of it ...

you're speaking out against the merely annoying ... melissa may was speaking out against what is utterly debilitating and fatal to a community - mindless persecution and piling on of minor offenders or even of those who merely hold unpopular views

i'd rather wade through a slightly chaotic site and endure some flaws than associate with a bunch of anal-retentive rule reciting nerds ... (free clue guys ... NOTHING you can do or say online will make up for the lack of power you feel in your real life, so quit trying)

(and if the shoe fits etc etc etc ...)
posted by pyramid termite at 10:51 AM on December 7, 2006

What was that, pyramid termite? I might be able to consider your so called "free clue" if I wasn't so busy leading a rich, fullfilling, worthwhile life, having terrific sex, eating good food, and enjoying the success which tends to follow people like me around.

I can't hear you over the symphony of perfection that constantly envelops every fiber of my being, you're going to have to shout!
posted by prostyle at 11:04 AM on December 7, 2006

In my mind, it is Charlotte's Web that gains cred by association with melissa may, not the other way 'round.

Amen.

you're speaking out against the merely annoying ... melissa may was speaking out against what is utterly debilitating and fatal to a community - mindless persecution and piling on of minor offenders or even of those who merely hold unpopular views

Amen to that too.
posted by languagehat at 11:05 AM on December 7, 2006

There's a culture for acceptable content and style around here that is very valuable, and would not exist but for the pedantic MeFite police cracking down, sometimes hard, on the little stuff. I thought that pretty much everyone agreed about this.

We do. That's why there's a MeTa to talk about this shit, hash out what is actually unacceptable and what's merely obnoxious to some and entertaining to others. I can guarantee that if this stuff was completely unrelated to the posts at hand and was all over MeFi, we'd be having a different discussion.

What I want to know is, in this discussion, is kfx the spider or the pig? Because the pig wasn't that special, he just had a very special friend to put him in the right light.
posted by mikeh at 11:13 AM on December 7, 2006

kfx, you ain't the worst writer I've ever read, but calling out yourself and posting your "greatest hits" in an effort to win sympathy and acclaim from a bunch of nerds and one handsome man (me), notwithstanding your protestations to the contrary, reeks of desperation. You can not repeat this act, I'm sure you know, so eat it up while it lasts.
posted by Mister_A at 11:36 AM on December 7, 2006 [1 favorite]

The fact is that most available first-person narrative, whether called "memoir" or "fiction", is of no better quality than kfx's, that what matters is the publisher's publicity department and buddy-supplied author photo.

That is a statement crammed to the brim with utter and complete nonsense, Davy. That having been said if I am ever around whatever gully, ditch, public library or hollow log it is that you chose to hunker down in the first six or seven George Dickels are on me, I love you also you crazy old dyke.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:37 AM on December 7, 2006

In my mind, it is Charlotte's Web that gains cred by association with melissa may, not the other way 'round.

You misapprehend me. I mention Charlotte's Web because the skillful deployment thereof is testament to the tremendous quality of (rather than some mere cred-boosting pandering by) our good Melissa.
posted by cortex at 11:39 AM on December 7, 2006

"[I]s kfx the spider or the pig?"

Maybe he's the 16 year old hooker boy? ~~(*drool drool*)~~

And Divine Wino, have you read many essays by Robin Hemley? You, kfx and I could discuss him in my neighborhood Tavern -- where they don't serve green onions. (I'd invite jonmc but we already know he thinks everything is over-rated but Cheap Trick.)

By the way, if the Unknown Neighbor over by St. James Court who put the December 2006 Writer's Chronicle out in the orange bin is reading this, thank you! It's been more suitably recycled!
posted by davy at 11:53 AM on December 7, 2006

No, I apprehended you just fine. Now let me read you your rights:

1) You have the right to be Soylent.
2) You have the right to be misrepresented in order for me to make my point.
3) ...
4) Profligate.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:58 AM on December 7, 2006

Because the pig wasn't that special

He could talk talk talk. He could talk.
posted by muddgirl at 12:01 PM on December 7, 2006

This isn't what metafilter is for. It's not that complicated, people. kfx should really post elsewhere if he is not interested in contributing to the community.

By the way, I'm really, really tired of overwrought and generally bad writing.
posted by elwoodwiles at 12:04 PM on December 7, 2006

In my mind, it is Charlotte's Web that gains cred by association with melissa may, not the other way 'round.

Nah, she's just a shill being paid to promote Paramount Picture's new film, 'Charlotte's Web' ("only in theaters December 15") in community blog discussions.

/I keed, I keed
posted by ericb at 12:07 PM on December 7, 2006

If I gave a fuck about the city council, and I thought that paramilitary procedure was important to its mission...

Dude, if my city council ever starts using paramilitary procedure, I'm moving.
posted by nickmark at 12:08 PM on December 7, 2006

Except that the community gets to decide what it considers acceptable contribution, and that is what MetaTalk is for.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:09 PM on December 7, 2006

"This isn't what metafilter is for". lol. Yeah it is. I mean once you get that 'best of the web' crapola out of the way, what's left? metafilter is here to give metatalk a reason to exist. Tangential gob spit is the point; metatalk is why you and I are here. Fuck the links, let's bitch baby.
posted by econous at 12:47 PM on December 7, 2006

Maybe klf should use "motherfucker" more.

Just sayin'. And don't forget, you can buy my new DVD, Mister_A's Greatest Motherfuckin' Comments, in the lobby.
posted by Mister_A at 12:53 PM on December 7, 2006

Anyone here seen the movie Happy Fetus yet? Well I can tell you that my statistically average bunch of friends really liked it. We just know you will love it.
posted by econous at 12:55 PM on December 7, 2006

You know what really destroys a community? People fucking misusing superscript, that's what. Wankers.
posted by dame at 1:05 PM on December 7, 2006

You know what ^really destroys a community? People ^fucking misusing superscript, that's ^{what. ^Wankers.}

Sorry, couldn't resist.
posted by quin at 1:26 PM on December 7, 2006

Superscript Returns, now available on DVD.
posted by wendell at 1:41 PM on December 7, 2006

while blink entertains
posted by Cranberry at 2:00 PM on December 7, 2006

Davy
I liked this essay "No Pleasure But Meanness", I'll have to put him on the list.

Ps.

You give the lie to your own statement again in that thread about green onions, your story about wiping your ass with a sock is a quality first person narrative.
posted by Divine_Wino at 2:01 PM on December 7, 2006

Since you're so easily entertained...
posted by davy at 2:18 PM on December 7, 2006

> > Because the pig wasn't that special

> He could talk talk talk. He could talk.

Yeah but could he walk on two feet?
posted by davy at 2:23 PM on December 7, 2006

Kwine : "There's a culture for acceptable content and style around here that is very valuable, and would not exist but for the pedantic MeFite police cracking down, sometimes hard, on the little stuff. I thought that pretty much everyone agreed about this."

Nope. I'm as pedantic as they come, and I think the Content Police are valuable, but the Style Police are useless. So maybe a lot of people agree, I dunno, but certainly not everyone.

Kwine : "It's true that superscripting the length of a video, wikipedia carats, Todd Lokken-style comments, lack of capitalization...is/were/are annoying to a significant subsection of the MeFi population, and true that if people didn't say so those things might catch on/have caught on, and made the site worse."

Got any evidence for those in particular? "It's true" is a pretty big claim. I can easily counter by just saying "It's false". Perhaps you just meant "I believe"?

pyramid termite : "anal-retentive rule reciting nerds ... (free clue guys ... NOTHING you can do or say online will make up for the lack of power you feel in your real life, so quit trying)"

As an anal-retentive person, let me just point out that it's not like I'm non-anal-retentive in real life but powerless, and thus the desire for power makes me anal retentive on the net. Anal retention is not the effect of anything. It's just the way I'm either wired or was raised (I suspect wired). I'm anal when I'm in control in real life, and I'm anal when I'm not in control in real life. So some of the anal people on the net may be huge losers in real life, some may be in the middle, and some may be big winners. Perhaps it's just that anal people bother you, so you're fantasizing that all their lives suck as a kind of revenge? (Kinda like imagining that people you disagree with must live with their moms in the basement, another popular internet past-time).
posted by bugbread at 3:09 PM on December 7, 2006

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December 6, 2006
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