December 11, 2006

6:16 PM

To know that people will post questions like this, and that other people -- strangers -- will help as they have...I hope Matt still is able to steal a few minutes now and then to take some pride in what he's created.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders to MetaFilter-related at 6:16 PM (19 comments total)

I'm sorry, ssF, but regrdless of the intent of this post - be it snarky or poignant - it smacks a bit into liquorice's suffering. An email to matt might've been more appropriate/tactful.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:33 PM on December 11, 2006

Well, Mefi is nice and all, but i actually have a few niggling issues, say, on the order of a Shetland...
posted by bkudria at 6:47 PM on December 11, 2006

Smart Dalek - calm down. I'm pretty sure ssF is being genuine.

And he's right, it's a really, really heartwarming thread.
posted by armoured-ant at 6:56 PM on December 11, 2006

Bravo, I say, stupidsexyFlanders. If the only satisfaction from this kind of a place and a community of those kinds of people is the question-asker’s, the facilitator (Matt) will eventually move on and stop facilitating.

It’d be a shame, judging by posts like that one. And, too, it’d be a shame if nobody stood up and said thanks after it happens, as in posts like this one.
posted by Yeomans at 7:03 PM on December 11, 2006

I've lost two friends this month, and two more earlier this year, so I really enjoyed the thread as well.
posted by mathowie at 7:55 PM on December 11, 2006

No snark intended. Hard to believe I even had to say that.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 7:59 PM on December 11, 2006

I don't post here often, but I read that whole thread. I think that there are a lot of people dealing with a similar issue. It was cathartic to me to post about my experience, and I hope that it might help other people in similar situations. For people that think it might be a cry for help-- it was. Most of us (and it seems to me via the thread that there are quite a few of us), just want to know that we are not alone. So to those that think it just feeds into the poster's ethos: So what? There are obviously quite a few of us who found the post poignant. If you don't like it... scroll down.
posted by kamikazegopher at 8:03 PM on December 11, 2006

And a P.S. to Smart Dalek, I hold no hostility toward you, but I felt better about my Dad's death after reading about how other people deal with their grief. It's a taboo conversation in many realms.
posted by kamikazegopher at 8:06 PM on December 11, 2006

Good call ssF, I headed over to the grey right after I read the post to put it up in MeTa as a perfect example of what AskMe can be like. You beat me to it, I'm happy to see :-)
posted by Happydaz at 8:20 PM on December 11, 2006

I've also had several losses recently, and haven't quite known what to do with it. Reading the thread helped on many levels.
posted by moira at 8:24 PM on December 11, 2006

And, I would have missed it without this post. So, thanks.
posted by moira at 8:25 PM on December 11, 2006

That thread is a perfect example of what makes AskMe so great. And I would have missed it too, ssf (anytime I see or read your name its almost always followed by "Mmmmm, donuts!" in my mind).
posted by fenriq at 8:52 PM on December 11, 2006

I think that there are a lot of people dealing with a similar issue. It was cathartic to me to post about my experience, and I hope that it might help other people in similar situations.

I submit that the premise of threads like this (and the original AskMe) is where we find the true value of this medium -- the Internet / the www. -- to be most compelling and engaging.

Most of us are anonymous participants in this cyberworld/metaverse. However, we all share a common connection to the vicissitudes of life ... and, in this instance, postings about dealing with the death of a loved one can provide direction and solace to someone who is currently experiencing his/her loss. In instances of such -- and on a community blog like MetaFilter -- there can/should never be a justifed deletion of a "double-post," or "we've--been-here-before," for previous threads. The collective empathy of those here should/would never allow us to discount the grief of any of us!
posted by ericb at 9:06 PM on December 11, 2006

Wow, and usually Matt just deletes GroupHugFilter.
posted by knave at 9:09 PM on December 11, 2006

if there were ever a clear and valuable exception to the typical policy of deleting grouphug type stuff...

i wonder sometimes if this shouldn't be considered the prime example of why moderation is superior to hardline rules abidance. i'll probably think of it that way from now on, and i used to fume about inconsistent moderation.
posted by shmegegge at 10:16 PM on December 11, 2006 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry, ssF, but regrdless of the intent of this post - be it snarky or poignant - it smacks a bit into liquorice's suffering. An email to matt might've been more appropriate/tactful.

ssF is not appreciative or enjoying of liquorice's suffering; ssF is appreciative of the condolence and comfort that liquorice asked for and is receiving. There's a significant difference.
posted by WCityMike at 3:55 AM on December 12, 2006

I was given a massive amount of good advice and support last year when I was in a similar situation. It helped beyond measure and I'm very, very glad I was able to reach out for help when I didn't know what else to do. I don't consider the advice I got to be a 'group hug', but some very useful stuff about how to get through a horrible situation without going crazy.
posted by essexjan at 4:32 AM on December 12, 2006

Yeah, "how do I grieve?" is not "give me a hug." There are in fact concrete, useful things one can do in such a situation, but there's no manual to consult and few people ever want to talk about death or loss, so those things are not always immediately obvious. (And people in the midst of such suffering are not going to have a hell of a lot of motivation to immediately track down the few resources there are.)

I feel like there's such a bias on this site about any emotional problems, like they don't count as "real" problems and their solutions don't count as knowledge or help, just warm fuzzies, and it's annoying.
posted by occhiblu at 8:34 AM on December 12, 2006

It really was an excellent thread, and I was amazed and some of the well-thought out comments. But I am not surprised that AskMe had this capacity, because I know we're all hurting somewhere.
posted by liquorice at 2:19 PM on December 12, 2006