Comments on: dating.metafilter.com

dating.metafilter.com

hoverboards don't work on water — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:43:50 -0800

This thread seems to be crying out for dating.metafilter.com!

By: hoverboards don't work on water

hoverboards don't work on water — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:43:54 -0800

I don't know whether the powers that be have any interest in replicating the entire infrastructure of Yet Another Dating Community Website, so my feature request is this: under Preferences, add another Optional Field named "Interested in meeting:". Make it another free-form nuts-going affair, with a suggestion to put something like "men" or "women". Then anyone who fills it out effectively marks themselves as being available in some sense. They can use the rest of their profile for all the usual crap people write about themselves on dating websites, and maybe more detail about who they want to meet.

For the final piece of the puzzle, the software could be made to highlight nearby members who have marked themselves so, but that's creeping towards requiring actual code, which I'm guessing makes it less and less likely to be implemented.

So: why not just put the "Interested...:" line in your existing free-form profile text? Well, for a start, there are already optional fields for gender, occupation, etc. that could just as easily go in the profile body. More importantly, I don't think many people are likely to let the world know their dating inclinations without being prompted to share. At least, I haven't seen it in a profile yet. Having a specific place to let the world know you're looking invokes a context that would otherwise appear out of place or creepy.

And finally, since your habit of posting bitter, snarky rants is available to any prospective match, it might encourage you to be nicer to others :)

By: dios

dios — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:55:32 -0800

You mean this isn't a dating site? Opps. My apologies to the ladies that I hit on. You know who you are.

Call me anyhow.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:56:38 -0800

I dunno. I'd be worried about us breeding.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:57:37 -0800

I'm just worried about you breeding, jon. Well, you and Todd Lokken.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:58:07 -0800

Not necessarily with each other.
Unless you're into that.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 15:59:14 -0800

I'm just worried about you breeding, jon.

Me & pips would make beautiful babies. beatiful, talkative drunken babies.

By: quin

quin — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:02:05 -0800

I think it's a great idea. And one that I would definitely use.

Although I'm betting the Wife wouldn't let me.

By: hoverboards don't work on water

hoverboards don't work on water — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:07:47 -0800

quin, thus mathowie's incentive for implementing this could be the sudden influx of squeaky-clean new members with no previously declared significant others and suspiciously amiable posting histories :)

By: mathowie

mathowie — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:11:16 -0800

It'd be cool if there was some simple small thing we could do, like maybe just a part of user profiles that lists relationship status or something, you know?

Instead of doing the full-blown dating site clone thing.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:11:25 -0800

Speaking from personal experience, this will not end well.

But I'm willing to give it another shot. There has to be some nerdy girl out there who can put up with me.

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:17:37 -0800

I say the same thing to myself every day, loquacious. If you spot one, let me know.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:18:01 -0800

Call me anyhow.

Not on your life.

Seriously, "Interested in" with a character limit of 255 would be sweet.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:18:24 -0800

Wait, this ISN'T a dating site???

By: hoverboards don't work on water

hoverboards don't work on water — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:19:10 -0800

Having users explicitly declare that they want to meet people could get things moving better than simply listing their relationship status. If my profile said:

Status: Single

Then it's a little too passive to inspire others to action. Whereas:

Interested in meeting: men.

says "email me!"

By: mathowie

mathowie — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:19:40 -0800

If anyone can come up with something simple and sweet (like say, in user profiles), I could implement it in a matter of minutes. Adding a new field or two is trivial.

So what would it be? relationship status line? Add a dropdown for "interested in friends/lovers/furries"?

By: dersins

dersins — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:21:45 -0800

like maybe just a part of user profiles that lists relationship status or something, you know?

Yeah, and then we could add lists of our favorite bands and our favorite movies and favorite tv shows, and maybe we could even have our favorite music.mefi tracks playing on our user profiles, and also maybe leave comments on each other's user profiles too! That would be...

Um. Never mind.

By: dersins

dersins — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:23:28 -0800

Sorry, that was an unnecessarily sarcastic way of saying "Please don't turn this into a half-assed social networking site. I like it just fine as an eighth-assed social networking site."

Not that my opinion matters, but still. I'm just sayin'...

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:24:05 -0800

So what would it be?

Drop-down menu:
I'd hit it
I'd not hit it
I'm already hitting it
I was hitting it but I'm not anymore
I'd hit its*

*For the poly folk!

By: vacapinta

vacapinta — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:24:15 -0800

Relationship status: [Taken; Available, Not looking; Available, Looking]

Interested in: [freeform]

Would be a start...

By: The Deej

The Deej — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:24:52 -0800

I wouldn't be against something like that. But, it still doesn't mean there will be another MeFite in Billings, Montana.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:29:04 -0800

It'd be cool if there was some simple small thing we could do, like maybe just a part of user profiles that lists relationship status or something, you know?

I'm picturing an Ajax drop down list...

Pick a reason to fuck:

double (penetration)
HTML/SWF/BDSM/display error
offensive content (please)
bring da noise
Demerol®
it puts the lotion on its skin
seeking other

By: brundlefly

brundlefly — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:29:31 -0800

I'm totally into [freeform].

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:31:23 -0800

Interested in: [freeform]

People to tell me I'm cool/brilliant/sexy?
other schmucks to get drunk with?
winning lottery numbers?

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:31:59 -0800

posted by mathowie So what would it be? relationship status line? Add a dropdown for "interested in friends/lovers/furries"?

Maybe just a line that says:

I am a: (drop-down menu)
Man/Woman/TG MTF/TG FTM/Decline To State

Who is: (drop-down menu)
Single/Married/In A Relationship

Interested in: (fill-it-in-yourself field)
Meeting Men/Meeting Women/Meeting Other Couples/Meeting Friends

For: (another fill-it-in-yourself field)
Dating/Polyamory/BSDM/Furrism

By: acro

acro — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:46:48 -0800

As something added to the 'distance to members nearby' area?

By: BigSky

BigSky — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:49:34 -0800

"this will not end well"

If there's a single phrase for any and all situations, that's got my vote. Hell, it's practically my motto.

Despite not living anywhere near any of the MeFi hotbeds, this has my vote.

By: quin

quin — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:50:43 -0800

Ooh, I like the "Interested in meeting:" idea. That has potential:

Interested in meeting: The guy who thought it would be a good idea to change the location of the horn in my car from the center of the steering-wheel to a little button near the edge. What the fuck is that? When I am angry and want to let someone know, I can't be hunting around for a button, I want to be able to slam my hand into the middle of the wheel and here a satisfying HONK! And don't get me started on the guy who moved the horn to the turn signal stem. He has a special place in hell waiting for him.

By: D.C.

D.C. — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:56:48 -0800

I've got a "I sit behind you in math class" sort of crush on a user who I keep running across online because she has accounts on four different websites I also use. But, I've never had a conversation with her and I am not the type to chat-up someone who probably doesn't even know I exist. (It doesn't help that my user name is different on 3/4 of those sites. I've always been shy and don't present a unified persona online like some people do.)

She's smart, beautiful, and a few years older than I am. She's also another Pacific Northwesterner, which is neat.

The maddening thing is that she lists herself as single on her flickr profile. I really don't know if she's looking or not. Gah!

By: stupidsexyFlanders

stupidsexyFlanders — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:57:09 -0800

the guy who moved the horn to the turn signal stem.

That's the turn signal "stalk," bitch. Don't go messing up my favorite auto-part name EVAR.

So, anybody Interested In: Guy who has a favorite auto-part name and gets all freaky on people who mess it up.

SORRY LADIES!!! TAKEN!!!!!

By: Plutor

Plutor — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:58:47 -0800

If only there was some way to write totally freeform information into your profile!

Oh. Wait.

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:59:02 -0800

Huh.

By: mdevore

mdevore — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 16:59:36 -0800

Good grief, don't you think there's already too much drama for the rest of us to dodge and weave around here? With an official dating push, it's not difficult to foresee the massive increase in histronic MetaTalk and AskMe topics spawned by cooing lovebirds (bad enough) turned to mortal enemies firing sordid personal stories back and forth. Oh, and the cutesy couple/triplet/whatever in-jokes and winking every third post, please oh Powers, no.

By: stupidsexyFlanders

stupidsexyFlanders — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:00:06 -0800

Confidential to DC

By: quin

quin — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:12:05 -0800

it's not difficult to foresee the massive increase in histronic MetaTalk and AskMe topics spawned by cooing lovebirds (bad enough) turned to mortal enemies firing sordid personal stories back and forth.

*blinks*

And that would be a bad thing? Think of the epic flameouts. It will be amazing. People will be airing each-others darkest secrets in an effort to destroy their former flame.

Magnificent.

That's the turn signal "stalk," bitch.

Bring me the still breathing body of the guy who added the horn to it, and I'll carve it in there so that I never forget the proper nomenclature again.

By: Area Control

Area Control — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:13:43 -0800

I don't come here for dating. And I don't read Ask for things like this, which are basically not interesting unless you are one of the parties involved. I read it for things like this, where science is used by the highly distributed hive mind to solve real world mysteries, fast.

I actually came here to post all that in it's own thread, but I'm leaving it here instead. I say, if you want a dating site, go to a dating site.

By: micayetoca

micayetoca — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:16:18 -0800

Oh, don't be such tools, this is exactly what the government wants us to do: we start a dating site, all hell breaks loose and little by little, we end up killing each other. They'll get rid of us, and best of all, we will have done all the dirty work for them. It's just their way of getting rid of the last bastion of free speech.

Sorry, it's been a week of listening to all sorts of conspiracy theories around here. It gets to you.

By: Salmonberry

Salmonberry — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:20:36 -0800

Think of the epic flameouts. It will be amazing. People will be airing each-others darkest secrets in an effort to destroy their former flame.

I like epic flameouts too.

I honestly don't see any harm in a one or two line thing. That's not a full-blown social networking implementation, given that you could put down that you're looking and yet refuse to give out any way for members to contact you.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:25:02 -0800

I think it's a grand idea, but I think there should be a little bit of searchability, no? A way to list everyone who's looking, essentially. I just wish there were more of me, or me-lings, malingering me-lings for the rest of you cockrockers.

By: liquorice

liquorice — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:33:04 -0800

I found it interesting that no one jumped on her for talking about specifically dating white guys when there was that whole "thing" with Meatbomb when he asked his question pertaining to a similar thing.

Maybe it was just the vibe.

By: RMD

RMD — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:34:33 -0800

Hell, even ratemyprofessor has a "hot" red pepper symbol next to the sexy teachers. We are lagging...

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:35:07 -0800

If this gets me laid, I'm all for it.

By: leesh

leesh — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:36:23 -0800

I say, if you want a dating site, go to a dating site.

But the people here are way cooler/more interesting/whatever than people on dating sites! If it's just a line in the profile, only the people interested in participating can fill it in, and if the admins don't think it's a problem, what's the harm?

By: vronsky

vronsky — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:57:11 -0800

I've had a secret crush on most of the people who posted in this thread. The dating feature would just make things too complicated for me.

By: danb

danb — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 17:57:51 -0800

What do you think of Facebook's system?

Status (check one): Single, In a Relationship, In an Open Relationship, Engaged, Married, It's Complicated.

Looking for (check all that apply): Friendship, Dating, A Relationship, Random Play, Whatever I can get.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:04:18 -0800

I'm envisioning little symbols next to user names, similar to effigy2000's star. And a hot-or-not ranking system, also with a symbol. And maybe a Little Black Book, where other users can write "reviews," gossip, hearsay and outright slander.

-lekvar ♥♥♥♥♥⊕↑∴

By: Loto

Loto — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:05:03 -0800

I enjoy this idea, but I think some of my Ask MeFi questions would be a turn off to all the fine ladies of MeFi.

I mean, who likes a drunk who likes to fight and vomit a lot?

By: hangashore

hangashore — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:08:11 -0800

At least we have the D♥teMe colour scheme all ready to go.

By: iconomy

iconomy — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:09:47 -0800

Oooo I know who D.C. likes.

By: blasdelf

blasdelf — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:13:00 -0800

I think you're onto something.

Take the Facebook drop-downs, and add a freeform "interested in" field. Make them visible only to members like email addresses are.

By: qvantamon

qvantamon — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:13:37 -0800

A/S/L?

By: lekvar

lekvar — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:16:21 -0800

Snark aside, I can't think of any real reasons not to have DateMe. We already have the user contacts, which, while not useful for finding true love, does reveal user's interpersonal relationships.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:17:46 -0800

I've had a secret crush on most of the people who posted in this thread.

Dude, I'm married.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:21:42 -0800

Hell, even ratemyprofessor has a "hot" red pepper symbol next to the sexy teachers. We are lagging...

Is that what that means? I thought it just meant that someone had an average that exceeded some threshold amount. So I... learned something.

By: puke & cry

puke & cry — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:22:05 -0800

Seconding what blasdelf said.

By: qvantamon

qvantamon — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:27:48 -0800

I like to mentally add "hand, blow, " to jobs.metafilter.com and think of that as the dating site.

Didn't help in my career, though.

By: qvantamon

qvantamon — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:28:12 -0800

I meant to say "hand, blow, [random body part]"

By: vronsky

vronsky — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:42:17 -0800

"Dude, I'm married.:

So my fantasies of us playing air guitar to Mountain songs together are not to be? Damn... all the good ones are taken.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:51:46 -0800

With an official dating push, it's not difficult to foresee the massive increase in histronic MetaTalk and AskMe topics spawned by cooing lovebirds (bad enough) turned to mortal enemies firing sordid personal stories back and forth. Oh, and the cutesy couple/triplet/whatever in-jokes and winking every third post, please oh Powers, no.

Yeah, something horrible like this might happen (for the tenth or eleventh time).

It's just a couple OPTIONAL! fields in your profile, which people can use or ignore in the future. It's not like we're all rats in a box being force to copulate (that'd be version 2).

By: piratebowling

piratebowling — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:52:33 -0800

What's wrong with trying to meet people in person through meetups if you wanna date a mefite so bad? Get out there, people! Apparently I'm in the minority on this though, so whatevs.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:54:13 -0800

Why shouldn't we try it for a few months? Make it opt in and if it's causing too many problems kill it. What's the worst that could happen, really?

And D.C., in the same vein, man up and approach this woman. Life's too short to spend hanging back and thinking about the could be's.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:55:52 -0800

Relationship status: None Of Your Fucking Business

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:56:17 -0800

Hah, mathowie seems to feel the same way as I do.

I am afraid but ready. And lonely. Oh so lonely.

By: davejay

davejay — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 18:57:30 -0800

And don't get me started on the guy who moved the horn to the turn signal stem. He has a special place in hell waiting for him.

80's Ford Mustang, I presume?

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:03:11 -0800

I think it's a little bit weird, but I'm married so what do I care?

And I think it could lead, in the worst case, to some hysterics (and some aaaaawkward askme shenanigans), but it's not like we don't end up with hysterics and awkwardness now and then anyway, and it'd probably be a pretty similar self-selecting group, so I can't really muster a lot of objections.

Plus, if things go badly, I'll probably get to ban a few people.

By: BigSky

BigSky — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:10:26 -0800

liquorice,

In that 'thing' with Meatbomb, he was calling out a poster's blatant attempt to use the powers of this site in a way that was prejudicial to the business interests of (probable white) heterosexuals.

Here, we're getting together and trying to find a way to best use the site so we can help a young black lady who happens to be interested in white guys.

See the difference?

Let me know if I can be of further assistance.

Nice pics!!!

A/S/L?

By: CKmtl

CKmtl — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:14:08 -0800

Yeah, something horrible like this might happen (for the tenth or eleventh time).

Those curtains actually are sort of horrible. Stuff like that really shouldn't be encoura-

Oh. You mean the lovey marriage thing. Awww.

By: liquorice

liquorice — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:21:23 -0800

Are we talking about the same thing?

I think it'd be a nice feature, by the way. I'd love to meet some interesting people on here. even though i've been rebuffed over and over again

By: acro

acro — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:24:12 -0800

Not to intentionally delay the Jabber server rollout, here's a reference to a 'JEP' ~like a 'LDAP profile'..? link

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:31:10 -0800

They moved the horn because they put an airbag in the middle.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:32:15 -0800

As goes Ampersand, so goes the filter.

By: acro

acro — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:43:08 -0800

This document specifies how to represent and manage profile data about IM users and other XMPP entities using the XMPP Data Forms extension.

(XEPs, previously known as Jabber Enhancement Proposals - JEPs)

By: shelleycat

shelleycat — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:48:21 -0800

If you do add something make it freeform. Being forced to tick boxes and classify ourselves sucks I reckon. My relationship doesn't fit conventional boxes and I'm happy with that. And make it so that if it's not filled in it just doesn't show on the profile (I think some things are like this already?) so it doesn't look awkward if a user doesn't fill it in. Which I wouldn't because my posting history makes my happy relationshipness pretty obvious.

Something as simple as 'Relationship Status: (free form, go nuts)' to match the gender box would be fine. Extra info can go into the 'tell us about your username' bit that's already there. The instructions could be broadened a little to encourage people to be more freeform, not just limited to their username story.

Ambrosia Voyeur's idea of searchability would take it to the next level. This would allow members to actively search for a date rather than randomly trawl profile pages in the hopes of finding something. All it needs is a page listing all members actively looking, with profile links, relationship statuses and maybe email addresses for each person. Individual users could choose to be listed on this page by ticking a check box in the profile edit page. If the listings could be limited by location or other variables than that would be cool too, but possibly not mandatory in case someone is looking for cybersex or traveling or, I don't know, whatever it is you crazy kids do on the internets these days.

I totally wouldn't use this. But it would be easy enough to add a small layer of usability to the site without breaking the other functions or bothering those of us who aren't interested.

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:50:04 -0800

“I am afraid but ready. And lonely. Oh so lonely.”

I've met orange swan and she's gorgeous. In fact, I developed a bit of a crush on her on the spot. But then I'm like twice her age or something. Anyway, it's a travesty—a travesty, I say—if she's actually lonely and not merely being ironic. Although many of we mefites are lonely and ironic, which is probably a revolting combination to everyone else.

By: BigSky

BigSky — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:50:08 -0800

No, we're not. My mistake. I thought you were referencing this.

But that's a bit of a stretch.

Carry on.

By: ph00dz

ph00dz — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:55:49 -0800

Don't you pretty much have to have some kind of picture upload feature associated with any kind of dating site? (Not to be shallow or anything...)

Anyway, I think you're right -- with a couple of extra db fields and a little slicing and dicing in terms of how you do searches, and you're pretty much there.

OkCupid breaks it down like this:

Relationship Status: (Dropdown)
Single
Seeing Someone
Married

Looking For: (Check Boxes)
New friends
Long-term dating
Short-term dating
Activity partners
Long-distance penpals
Casual encounters (sex partners)

By: vacapinta

vacapinta — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:56:50 -0800

Seconding what shelleycat said. At minimum, a simple checkbox to opt in to a list page and then free-form after that. Anything else is a bonus.

By: sgt.serenity

sgt.serenity — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 19:57:00 -0800

it's the simmering sexual tension that makes mefi what it is, if we were all going to be overt about it, then i predict the mefi dark age will soon be upon us.

By: philomathoholic

philomathoholic — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:08:41 -0800

I was going to say nearly everything as shellycat, but probably not as well. Except for the part about not using it.

The picture-less thing is a good point. The easiest workaround is probably a flicker account.

By: shelleycat

shelleycat — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:12:37 -0800

Didn't Matt mention a while ago he's looking at adding a profile picture? It would be the obvious addition.

By: mdevore

mdevore — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:16:05 -0800

Yeah, something horrible like this might happen (for the tenth or eleventh time).
It's just a couple OPTIONAL! fields in your profile

Welp, snark gives implicit permission to respond in kind. Not always taken, and usually shouldn't be, but what the hell...

Big whoop-dee-doo. If you owned a singles bar that had 50K people coming through it (likely >200K given the unregistered lurkers and flybys, but anyway), you would have a thousand marriages between visitors by now. No extra credit for a dozen marriages given the number of people who congregate at the site. That is, no credit unless you actively tried to fix them up.

In fact, given the MetaFilter demographic, I would expect the marriage count here to be higher than ten or eleven; maybe all the drama and BadRelationshipFilter is an inhibiting factor to romance? Perhaps society is being served in ways here I hadn't thought about? Now that, I would congratulate you on.

OK, that was crabbier than usual. I knew I shouldn't have missed that last nap. Here, I'll make it up to you. Next ten single people looking for love, I'll sponsor in their MetaFilter registration fees. Work for you?

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:19:24 -0800

where all the white wimmin at?

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:26:18 -0800

Hows about a profile option that says "Display DateMe info? Y/N" If Y, then the following two freeform fields are added: "A little bit about me:" and "Who (or what) I am looking for:"

By: cortex

cortex — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:36:03 -0800

where all the white wimmin at?

Man, you've been biting your tongue on that so long. I'm proud of you, stinky.

By: serazin

serazin — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:41:05 -0800

It's OPTIONAL people!

I say it should be fill in the blank - like the other fields we have now for gender, job etc.

Looking for: [openended]

could also be used for anything, like "i'm looking for original vinyl Motown" or "I'm looking for checkers partners" or whatever so the anti-dating people wouldn't feel left out.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:50:48 -0800

Man, you've been biting your tongue on that so long. I'm proud of you, stinky.

i'm just happy someone is paying attention to me.

By: blm

blm — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 20:51:46 -0800

Get out there, people!

Ahahahahahaha!

Oh, you're serious?

By: D.C.

D.C. — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:06:00 -0800

. . . And D.C., in the same vein, man up and approach this woman.

Yeah, but I've seen female friends deal with unsolicited attention from random guys on the net. I don't want to be one of those guys.

On the other hand:
The sea is warship grey
It whispers "Fool!" then slides away
Black coastline slumbers on
Seagulls screaming kiss her, kiss her

And, despite my little outburst here, I'm against making MetaFilter too social networky. "Best of the web" and "It's all about the links," right?

Iconomy: Gold star for you.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:06:05 -0800

Seconding what shelleycat said. At minimum, a simple checkbox to opt in to a list page and then free-form after that. Anything else is a bonus.

I disagree with shellycat's freeform-only approach. If you want search ability, it helps if there are only 5-10 answers for a couple things, then it could be a simple hyperlink to open a page of the last 50 people that also have that setting.

If you want free form fields, there won't be too many collisions when searching for full random phrases.

By: acro

acro — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:13:45 -0800

From Jabber's *unofficial* user profile extension
6.8.1. Birth Day-of-Month
6.8.2. Birth Month
6.8.3. Birth Year
6.8.4. Description
6.8.5. Eye Color
6.8.6. Gender
6.8.7. Hair Color
6.8.8. Height
6.8.9. Weight
6.9. Extended Personal Data Aspects
6.9.1. Areas of Expertise
6.9.2. Avatar Data
6.9.3. Clubs
6.9.4. Dietary Preferences
6.9.5. Hobbies
6.9.6. Interests
6.9.7. Languages Known Less Well
6.9.8. Languages Known Well
6.9.9. License Plate Number
6.9.10. Marital Status
6.9.11. Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
6.9.12. Photo Data
6.9.13. Profession
6.9.14. Religious Affiliation
6.9.15. Sexual Orientation
6.9.16. Smoker
6.9.17. Wishlist
6.9.18. Zodiac Sign (Chinese)
6.9.19. Zodiac Sign (Western)

By: acro

acro — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:14:37 -0800

Might have to do something about the $5 barrier.

By: LobsterMitten

LobsterMitten — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:32:40 -0800

I think Rock Steady has it, as far as what prompt would get good responses for the profile page. On top of that, you could have drop-down menus with only very simple choices, for searchability. Anything "other" could be explained in the longer responses on the profile page.

I am a: M... W... Other/Won't say

Looking for: M... W... Either... Other

For: Sex only... Casual dating... Something longterm... Other

By: LobsterMitten

LobsterMitten — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 21:33:20 -0800

Might also include age in the searchable fields.

By: shelleycat

shelleycat — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 22:08:42 -0800

If you want search ability, it helps if there are only 5-10 answers for a couple things, then it could be a simple hyperlink to open a page of the last 50 people that also have that setting.

That does make sense. I guess I'm mainly against expecting some kind of drop down to quantify what you already are (i.e. in a relationship or not and what kind). But you can get around that by ignoring it altogether, just have a check box for 'interested in dating' (which would put you on the list) then some generic choices about what kind of date you want and what kind of date might want you. Then someone can filter down to people who might match then go look at the profile page for more info. Encouragement to write more in the space we already have would facilitate further connections, but I guess it's that initial search and filter that's important.

It would be cool if it was all ajaxy so that clicking on the 'looking for love' box shows all the further drop downs, but they're hidden as a default.

By: shelleycat

shelleycat — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 22:10:15 -0800

but I guess it's that initial search and filter that's important.

Oh, and more importantly it's the search and filter that's currently missing. Because there's nothing stopping someone writing in their profile now 'please email for dates' or whatever.

By: jejune

jejune — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 05:03:50 -0800

Not only is mathowie right that "relationship status" and "looking for" couldn't be open-ended if this is going to actually be useful, but wouldn't "gender" need to stop being open-ended? After all, most people aren't bisexual.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 05:18:31 -0800

Presumably people interested in dating could figure out for themselves that properly specifying their gender was necessary (or, for the truly slow, a hint could be added - when you select 'show DateMe info', the new fields would come up, and so would a reminder to properly set your gender).

By: jejune

jejune — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 05:25:44 -0800

Presumably people interested in dating could figure out for themselves that properly specifying their gender was necessary

The point is that gender would need to be searchable, which it's currently not. It's not good enough to say that people would "properly specify" it if that just means they would write "male" or "female."

By: blasdelf

blasdelf — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 05:48:49 -0800

You mean people won't be able to find me for sexing if I specify “Yes, please.”?

By: Mr.Encyclopedia

Mr.Encyclopedia — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 06:00:01 -0800

I like the idea of freeform fields with an opt-in checkbox, but I also understand that's about the least useful arrangement. I think it could work with a "Show nearby DateMe profiles" or "show profiles near " and then manually searching what comes up, but that doesn't satisfy all you crazy kids with your cyberomance.

I suppose ultimately what I would like most is something different from the standard dating profile options. So many in this thread have already expressed their dislike for being so quantified, what we need is something unique as the MeFites that use it.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 06:09:32 -0800

I like leaving it freeform, for all the reasons stated above, but perhaps the hint could say that for people to find you in a gender based search, your gender description must include either 'male' or 'female', and the search can get those two words by regex or something. Anyone who mucks around with that, say by including both, will have to get manually filtered by the searcher, but it should work to say 'male but still considering' or 'female cross dresser'. And people who don't care can search without specifying gender, casting their net wide enough to catch the member who is 'mostly about the fishes'.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 06:34:02 -0800

How about sliders? I'm envisioning something like:

I identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
I'm attracted to: Men |------------------------------------| Women
Who identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
For: Casual Sex |------------------------------------| Long-term Relationship

And then you can set numerical (more than X, but less than Y) parameters on your search. There should also be some sort of "Other Info" freeform field to let people know your specific kinks/quirks.

By: jacalata

jacalata — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 06:57:38 -0800

I like that, but would it be possible to adjust it so that you can select a range of values? I identify as (whole female half of spectrum) or I'm looking for (anything less than halfway to a longterm relationship and slightly past casual sex).

By: taz

taz — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:19:42 -0800

Plate of Bean Dating; I love it!

I am an ad hominem seeking a strawman for plo chops and casual trolling. Turn-ons include pancakes, mushrooms, ponies, vibration, cameras, nice things, and Miguel Cardoso. Turn-offs include Pepsi Blue, newsfilter, the period, and of course, there's [more inside].

By: evilcolonel

evilcolonel — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:35:29 -0800

like we're all rats in a box being force to copulate

Yeah, that's what I want. Let's do that.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:46:19 -0800

This is an excellent proposal.

Interested in: sharing my drugs with hawt chicks

By: languagehat

languagehat — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:46:27 -0800

I'm married, so I have no personal stake in this, but anything that makes flameouts more likely and encourages cortex to ban people is OK with me. Full speed ahead, and damn the torpedoes!

By: FlamingBore

FlamingBore — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 07:46:45 -0800

Rock Steady - that is perhaps one of the best ways I've ever seen to deal with the graphical representation around the fluidity of gender and sexuality. Bravo.

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 08:38:47 -0800

[farnsworth] I'm beginning to think there will be no forced mating at all.... [/farnsworth]

By: philomathoholic

philomathoholic — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 10:09:35 -0800

One word for those who think that open-ended boxes will be useless: tags.

By: the jam

the jam — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 11:24:08 -0800

I added tags not too long ago to The Impersonals. A few people have already added a Metafilter tag to their profiles.

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 11:28:28 -0800

One word for those who think that open-ended boxes will be useful: pork-felching.

By: baphomet

baphomet — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 13:22:20 -0800

Just think about how many more long-distance relationship AskMes we're going to see.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 14:06:58 -0800

Thanks FlamingBore. Now that I think about it, you'd probably also want check boxes or a pull down for I am biologically: with Male, Female and Neither/Other/It's Complicated as options. Most people will want to know what kind of equipment they are going to find.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 14:34:32 -0800

Most people will want to know what kind of equipment they are going to find.

MOST people, I think, would assume that whatever is in the sex/gender box is what they're going to find in the package.

yrs,

I am biologically with it's complicated

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 14:44:27 -0800

Right, that's why I didn't put it in the first time.

By: StrikeTheViol

StrikeTheViol — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 20:03:40 -0800

You mean, I (and countless others) who have a virtual crush on miss lynnster could upgrade to having an actual crush on miss lynnster? Count me in!

Seriously, I think it's good idea.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 20:38:20 -0800

You mean, I (and countless others) who have a virtual crush on miss lynnster could upgrade to having an actual crush on miss lynnster? Count me in!

Seriously, I think it's good idea.

No no no no no no GOOD GOD NO.

By: hermitosis

hermitosis — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 20:57:28 -0800

Sort of newly single.

By: delmoi

delmoi — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 22:19:31 -0800

Here's an idea. Tags. You put tags on your profile, and you can see who matches your tags. People interested in dating could add that tag.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 05:04:27 -0800

rimjobs.metafilter.com

What.

By: Demogorgon

Demogorgon — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 08:37:22 -0800

This might encourage GLBT/singles oriented meetups, which could be good.
On the other hand it might also cause orgy meetups.

By: The Deej

The Deej — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 08:42:37 -0800

By: StrikeTheViol

StrikeTheViol — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 19:56:13 -0800

Who are you, sir, to...oh, I see...but wait, the link is not returned! I may indeed a callow lurker be, but I have as much right to stand for miss lynnster's affection as any Mefite! "Accursed mountebank"? A slander! No dhoyt am I, nor no matthewchen! Should not the fair miss lynnster decide?

By: The Deej

The Deej — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 23:04:38 -0800

STV:
No, perhaps the link has not been returned! But that means nothing! I am confident that the only thing standing in the way of the fair miss lynnster's affection is that I am old, fat, bald, repugnant, talentless, charmless, illiterate, inconsiderate, homely, and quite dumb. That is but a small obstacle.

So.

Pistols at dawn. If I am not there, start without me.

By: philomathoholic

philomathoholic — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 00:08:45 -0800

I added tags not too long ago to The Impersonals. A few people have already added a Metafilter tag to their profiles.

It does seem that metafilter is expanding into an already occupied space. Maybe just a link to a The Impersonals profile would suffice, or maybe something more like the Flikr connection. That way, we can take advantage of a solved problem, by utilizing someone else's efforts.

That said, there would have to be a little more than just a link to an off-site profile. Like the "I'm date-able" checkbox, to allow for searching. Do we currently have any method of searching user profiles?

By: cortex

cortex — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 06:51:28 -0800

Wait, I thought that one meant you wanted to crush the contact. Like, between your raging fists.

I have to go modify some contacts now.

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 07:04:43 -0800

I identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
I'm attracted to: Men |------------------------------------| Women
Who identify as: Male |------------------------------------| Female
For: Casual Sex |------------------------------------| Long-term Relationship

That's very good. An XYZ axis would be even better.

By: sonofslim

sonofslim — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 14:36:49 -0800

HIGH-NUMBER LURKER seeks anonymous asker for mutual callouts, sock puppetry, and late-night banhammering. Let's break all the guidelines together. Box 40021.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 19:13:38 -0800

That's very good. An XYZ axis would be even better.

You're missing a dimension. Might I suggest color-coding.

By: magikker

magikker — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 17:41:48 -0800

Isn't there a way to make a drop down box optional? for instance there could be a box for gender that allows you to type anything you want in it, but it would have a pull down that has some predefined standards. e.g. male, female, robot. This would allow the people that want to date pick the correct searchable tag and let everyone else type anything they want.

By: liquorice

liquorice — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 17:53:03 -0800

This is easy. Like so:

WOULD YOU DATE ME?
(tick box)

Yes

No

Maybe

Ew, you have stinky feet

[check any that apply]

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 19:34:02 -0800

WOULD YOU DATE ME? (tick box)

[ ] Yes

[ ] No

[ ] I would but my wife might not like that

[ ] Not after how you answered that relationshipfilter question about the guy that drank too much.

[ ] Only based on the Flickr picture you have, dated 2005.

[ ] If you can get over your cat allergy.

[ ] If I can get over my cootie allergy.

[ ] If you promise never to mention me on MetaFilter ever.

[ ] If you promise not to mention your own sex life on MetaFilter ever.

[ ] Vi or emacs?

[ ] Promise to never ban me and I will always be true.

By: quin

quin — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 20:06:35 -0800

[X] I would but ~~my wife might not like that~~ I think you are a bit too cool for me.

[ ] Vi or emacs?

So if I check this box, which is it?

And my wife wouldn't like it.

By: vronsky

vronsky — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 23:04:54 -0800

I only date September gurls. Advise?

By: vronsky

vronsky — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 23:57:47 -0800

A September gurl or a gangsta bitch.

By: aubilenon

aubilenon — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 15:40:48 -0800

I can overthink:
A Plate of Beans [ . . \ . . . . ] Metafilter