Comments on: Bucket wash this

Bucket wash this

stupidsexyFlanders — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:15:06 -0800

By: stupidsexyFlanders

stupidsexyFlanders — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:15:15 -0800

Why limit it to two buckets? Why not ask how to do it with a bottle of pepsi and a q-tip, with one hand tied behind your back surrounded by a vicious swarm of bees? I flagged it, but these invented problems with degree of difficulty=11 are pointless. You say you don't want to pay for a car wash? How's this for an answer: PAY FOR A CAR WASH, ya putz.

By: dame

dame — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:26:10 -0800

Seriously. Is June AskMe of the Flies month?

By: hangashore

hangashore — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:30:11 -0800

It's not dirt, it's patina.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:31:07 -0800

I guess the mods are sunning themselves on the beach? It is summer, after all, but must we feel it so strongly?

By: kosem

kosem — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:37:12 -0800

Ok. I've choked on the cocks. Now what to do with this bucket?

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:38:24 -0800

I think you're overreacting to this'n, ssF. Silly askmes might be a bit of a problemish trend, but this is a reasonable question.

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:42:21 -0800

... how to do it with a bottle of pepsi and a q-tip, with one hand tied behind your back surrounded by a vicious swarm of bees?

Drink 3/4 of the Pepsi, pour last 1/4 at a safe distance from car to distract the bees. Clamber atop car and stick q-tip in urethra. Wait. Remove q-tip and pee liberally on car.

(This solution works for dry radiators and hornets, too.)

By: EndsOfInvention

EndsOfInvention — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:43:00 -0800

On the one hand, questions like this (that ask "How do I do X without resorting to Y?") are not intrinsicly against the AskMe guidelines - they have a defined problem to solve.

On the other hand, they are often way too specific, and rule out any potential answers ("How do I travel from point A to point B without using cars, buses, trains, boats or aircraft or doing anything that involves physical exertion?") and so are unlikely to get a satisfactory solution.

By: Chuckles

Chuckles — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:44:32 -0800

I don't understand.. Sure, common sense might have alleviated the need to ask such a question, but we don't all have that.. Which is kind of the point of AskMe in the first place, right? Anyway, paulsc came up with a very useful suggestion (damn you paulsc!@!!), seems like it is going well to me.

PAY FOR A CAR WASH, ya putz.

How about "GET RID OF YOUR CAR, self important twat". I mean, that's how I really feel, most times a car question comes up.

By: davy

davy — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:45:00 -0800

Seriously, since yesterday afternoon I've been unable to get to Wikipedia. What's up?

By: modernnomad

modernnomad — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:45:22 -0800

I don't get the problem -- the asker has no hose hook-up, doesn't like the jet car washes, and wants to know if anyone has tips on washing a car with just buckets. Presumably he's looking for advice on good types of sponges to use, soaps that rinse easily off, tips on not doing it in the sun, whether or not to use wax, etc.

ssF, you are the one who placed undue emphasis on "two buckets" -- the OP actually said, "using say, a bucket of soapy water and a bucket of clean water".. hardly a strict limitation.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:45:50 -0800

True, EndsOfInvention, but that's okay: not every question will get a satisfactory solution. I've asked a couple of damned specific, non-fantastic "tell me that the impossible is actually possible after all" questions before, knowing on the way in that I probably wouldn't get a decent answer.

If somebody asks a really specific question and then gets huffy about not getting a good answer out of it, that'll be its own thing. But just asking a specific/constrained question isn't worth shouting about.

By: CRM114

CRM114 — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:56:07 -0800

I've got the conch! Sucks to your as-mar!

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 07:56:29 -0800

Hi, I'm back from the beach, what did I miss?

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:00:12 -0800

Would you like to borrow my buckets?

By: desuetude

desuetude — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:02:53 -0800

Perhaps you live in a land of cheap carwashes. Me, I long ago learned how to wash the car with a couple'a buckets and some sponges.

As needed, carry one bucket in each hand into the house, refill them, and then return. Why only two? Because we have two hands. That's why this isn't that weird.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:17:24 -0800

This is the point where I decline to contribute a "bucket" related limerick.

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:28:33 -0800

modernnomad writes 'I don't get the problem -- the asker has no hose hook-up, doesn't like the jet car washes, and wants to know if anyone has tips on washing a car with just buckets. Presumably he's looking for advice on good types of sponges to use, soaps that rinse easily off, tips on not doing it in the sun, whether or not to use wax, etc.'

I'm sure that's it, but the way it's phrased does make the poster sound spectacularly dim, as if he's stood there with a bucket of soapy water, a bucket of non-soapy water and a dirty car, trying desperately to grasp the concepts of 'washing' and 'rinsing'.

I can almost see him looking from buckets to car, car to buckets for hours on end, before a silent tear falls from his eye, a sign that he has realised that AskMe is his only hope, just like that time he spent three days straight trying to tie his shoelaces.

By: caddis

caddis — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:35:03 -0800

There once was a man from Phuket
who wanted to wash his car with a bucket
but a sexy flan man fealt mean
and dragged it into the green
where everyone one just said _______

By: modernnomad

modernnomad — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:43:31 -0800

Alas, Phuket does not rhyme with "bucket".. how about "Nantucket"?

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:44:02 -0800

AskMetafilter has reached that place where more than 5% of the threads piss me off, for one reason or another. When Mefi reached that point, I took a Mefi Vacation until I could read it disaffectedly. Maybe I needs me an AskMe vacation.

By: empath

empath — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:51:07 -0800

This seems like a perfectly valid question to me.

By: It's Raining Florence Henderson

It's Raining Florence Henderson — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:03:48 -0800

Can we just pretend I wrote a really clever filk of "Carwash," with references to various Mefites and the recent uptick in vertigo-related STDs? I'm kinda tired, and have some actual work to do at work this morning. But I was lovin' on ya'll, I swear.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:04:50 -0800

It does, however, rhyme with boo-ket.

A fake Transylvanian accent helps many a limmerick.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:15:01 -0800

Even the most sheltered, illiterate Transylvanian would take one look at that... thing... and say, "Sajnálom. Ezer bocsnánat. But it just doesn't scan."

By: Cool Papa Bell

Cool Papa Bell — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:17:23 -0800

I believe you guys know where the plate of beans is kept?

By: dame

dame — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:21:36 -0800

Tokyo.

By: ORthey

ORthey — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:21:47 -0800

These days, the MeFites go all out
And anything's game for a callout
And apparently 'Phuket'
Does not rhyme with bucket
And we'll all hang around for the fallout

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:21:57 -0800

Even the most sheltered, illiterate Transylvanian would take one look at that... thing... and say, "Sajnálom. Ezer bocsnánat. But it just doesn't scan."

Unless they were Romanian in which case they'd say something like bagă-ţi-o undeva. Speaking as a former Transylvania dweller, that is.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:28:07 -0800

Pfft. Romanians.

By: desjardins

desjardins — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:42:44 -0800

I think the bucket guy needs to trade skills with this guy.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:46:33 -0800

Dear AskMe,
How do I gently soap down the exterior of my car without thinking about my mom?

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 09:46:40 -0800

Here's my method:

Bucket Wash Mah Car in 74 easy steps:

1. Get thee born.
2. Grow big and strong and fecund.
3. Ride a bike.
4. Ride it a lot.
5. Make a living riding your bike, you ride it so much (I'm going somewhere with this).
6. Meet beautiful, intelligent woman at big bike race.
7. Bed beautiful intelligent woman—probably should go home to do this.
8. Break up with woman over insecurities and incompatibility (she is a nut, not you).
9. Go to big bike race again (it's an annual thing).
10. Meet even more intelligent, more beautiful woman at this year's bike race.
11. Realize that you should probably marry her before she figures things out.
12. Marry her.
13. Have 4 kids.
14-70. Wake up, change diapers, wash kids, feed kids, tell kids that it really hurts when they jump on daddy knees-first, kiss boo-boos. Repeat as necessary.
71. Say, "Hey kids, you know what is really fun on a hot day like this?"
72. Say, "Hey kids, how would you like to make $2?"
73. Say, "Hey kids, how would you like to earn $5 and an ice cream cone?"
74. Relax as the kids do all the work.

By: iconomy

iconomy — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:02:46 -0800

Nooooooooo

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:13:22 -0800

There's a hole in my bucket,
dear AskMe,
dear AskMe.
There's a hole in my bucket,
dear AskMe,
a hole.

By: edgeways

edgeways — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:17:13 -0800

By: chrismear

chrismear — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:19:39 -0800

I'm sure that's it, but the way it's phrased does make the poster sound spectacularly dim, as if he's stood there with a bucket of soapy water, a bucket of non-soapy water and a dirty car, trying desperately to grasp the concepts of 'washing' and 'rinsing'.

Well, I've been this man, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

You see, car-washing is an activity that happens outside, in full view of your neighbours, passers-by, and general busybodies, all of whom you just know have been raised on washing-cars-without-hoses since childhood, have it in their blood. Of course, the basic principle is "soap then rinse", but I know they will be watching me, judging me, laughing at me behind closed doors, telling their friends down their pub about me, once they've seen me using too much soap, too little soap, the wrong kind of soap, not drying it properly, leaving weird water marks all over it, working from bottom to top: making all the rookie mistakes. The threat of embarrassment of appearing a novice at something that everyone my age should obviously know how to do is tangible.

That is why this question is valid, and important.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:20:03 -0800

Hey Jess,
When you were in Transylvania did you see a Dracula? Was it one of those suave bolo oily type bohunks or more of a scuzzy unkempt skid row sterno drinking crypt thing?

TIA.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:24:55 -0800

At the basic level I don't see what's wrong with the question, but on a more rugged level all question like this, and about 2/3rds of relationship questions make me want to throw up... my hands... at the basic level of seeming incompetence that exists out there. Want to wash your car with a bucket? Fine... GO DO IT! You find out if you can or not, get to exercise problem solving skills etc. Cheat codes, I blame it all on cheat codes. (and Regan)

Oh boy edgeways, I just wrote that same comment more or less and deleted it, thanks for saving from the aether. Double word on the relationship questions (although I hope people keep asking them if it helps them.)

PS The way you wash a car without a hose is to wait till if rains, a-motherfucking-doy-hickey.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:26:09 -0800

it rains, it rains. Sorry, I'm all tore up on Turtle Wax.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:35:38 -0800

...I blame it all on cheat codes. (and Regan)

Judith Regan? Or Regan, wife of the Duke of Cornwall, daughter of King Lear, and total bitch?

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:37:52 -0800

("How do I travel from point A to point B without using cars, buses, trains, boats or aircraft or doing anything that involves physical exertion?")

Answer: Get shot and draped over the ass end of a horse.

I suppose you could also hire a balloon, which would probably be prettier and less painful. There's also kiteboards, kitecars, rocket-propelled rollerskates, Segways, Zorbs, gliders and...

...should I go on? I bet you I could come up with something powered by cockroaches that ambulated on millions of articulated toothpicks like some kind of living bed-of-nails that not only transported you from point A to point B but also gave an invigorating acupuncture session and left your naked skin fresh and pink with just the right amount of dermal abrasion.

By: edgeways

edgeways — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:53:06 -0800

Howl, howl, howl, howl! O! you are men of stones:
Had I your tongue and eyes, I'd use them so
That heaven's vaults should crack. She's gone for ever!

By: EndsOfInvention

EndsOfInvention — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:54:41 -0800

loquacious wrote "I bet you I could come up with something powered by cockroaches that ambulated on millions of articulated toothpicks like some kind of living bed-of-nails that not only transported you from point A to point B but also gave an invigorating acupuncture session and left your naked skin fresh and pink with just the right amount of dermal abrasion."

Marked as Best Answer.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:03:21 -0800

75. GET YOU A WEBSITE

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:14:26 -0800

You lie down on a pile of kittens at point A, and have a friend at point B slowly drag a pre-prepared scrunch of newspaper tied to a long string towards him.

By: kosem

kosem — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:27:21 -0800

I was thinking for a minute that the first time I saw boobs (untortured) in a movie was in Car Wash. But then I did some research and realized that it was, in fact, DC Cab. I just thought it was Car Wash because, for rather obvious reasons, I associate carwashes with boobs and now Joel Schumacher with the namby-pambiest of AskMe.

[NOT NAMBY-PAMBIEST]?

By: quin

quin — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:49:15 -0800

EndsOfInvention : "How do I travel from point A to point B without using cars, buses, trains, boats or aircraft or doing anything that involves physical exertion?"

Loq beat me to the horse idea, but rather than being carried on the back of it, I would suggest a horse buggy, as it would be even easier to not exert yourself.

Though the phrasing says no physical exertion, so it could be defined to include exertion from the horse. So the best I can come up with is a dog-sled powered by robotic dogs.

And if even that falls into the category of exertion, you still have the choice of traveling virtually. A fully integrated tele-presence rig would give you the experience of travel from your couch. You wouldn't need to move at all.

By: boogieboy

boogieboy — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:35:03 -0800

Help me buy new golf clubs. I have very specific requirements. [NOT TITLEIST]

By: misha

misha — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 12:52:55 -0800

You can travel from point A to point B with a transporter, provided you are okay with the metaphysical "death" question.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:15:01 -0800

You can travel from point A to point B with a transporter, provided you are okay with the metaphysical "death" question.

STEP 1: FOLD U A TESSERACT IN TIME AND/OR SPACE WITH UR MIND

Step 2: THE SPICE MUST FLOW.

By: EatTheWeak

EatTheWeak — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:18:33 -0800

HI I'M ON METAFILTER AND I COULD COMPLAIN ABOUT A PLATE OF BEANS

By: vronsky

vronsky — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:35:05 -0800

This is a question only DEVO can answer.

By: cog_nate

cog_nate — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 13:38:36 -0800

I'M IN UR PLACE WHERE U DARE NOT LOOK STARING BACK AT U.

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:01:20 -0800

The beautiful, intelligent woman I met at the big bike race has no problem giving me a parcel carrier-ride wherever I want to go.

So, I guess meeting a beautiful, intelligent person at a big bike race is the answer to all problems.

How can I find a track listing for the David Sedaris CD box set?

The beautiful, intelligent person knows such things.

What should I do with a large quantity of unused but unneeded insulin syringes?

Give them to the beautiful, intelligent person.

Looking for some guidance in building an "advanced search" query using XML and optional multi-value parameters.

CREATE PROCEDURE handProjectOverToTheBeautifulAndIntelligentPerson

By: nanojath

nanojath — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:04:59 -0800

If only there were some way to move past questions that one found unnecessary... some sort of magical "scrolling bar" or something. And perhaps an integral tagging system so that one could register one's low opinion on the way past!

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:20:28 -0800

We could call it the beautiful, intelligent person scrolling and registering complaints mechanism.

By: Meatbomb

Meatbomb — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:21:55 -0800

How to Wash Car with Bucket

1. Dump cocks out of bucket
1a. (optional) choke on cocks
1b. (optional) feed cocks to kittens
2. Refresh AskMe thread, to check that crucial additional steps have not recently been added*
3. Fill buckets, carry them to car
4. Just wash the fucking thing. Are you some kind of retard? What the fuck is wrong with you?
5. Return to AskMe thread, refresh, note down any new steps*
6. Refill bucket with freshly harvested cocks
7. Add any additional steps to procedure as indicated by the experts on AskMe
8. Return to step one, repeat procedure with new steps included

*using a mobile device for Internet access will facilitate these steps by avoiding the need to return indoors, to your computer.

By: ODiV

ODiV — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:24:42 -0800

I was thinking for a minute that the first time I saw boobs (untortured) in a movie was in Car Wash.

What?

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:34:52 -0800

You forgot a couple of important bits:

1c. (optional) stick cocks in mashed potatoes
1d. (optional) slam oven door on cocks

By: The Deej

The Deej — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 14:59:59 -0800

Clamber atop car and stick q-tip in urethra. Wait. Remove q-tip and pee liberally on car...
posted by cog_nate

Wow! According to my search, the word "clamber" has only been used 24 times previously on MeFi, AskMe, and MeTa combined. On MeTa, only twice.

I didn't look up "urethra."

By: The Deej

The Deej — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 15:00:51 -0800

Oh, and if you need a bucket, your cat will be happy to loan you one.

By: mendel

mendel — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 18:16:35 -0800

I didn't look up yours either.

By: ctmf

ctmf — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 22:10:38 -0800

You see, car-washing is an activity that happens outside, in full view of your neighbours, passers-by, and general busybodies, all of whom you just know [etc]

That's the best way to meet new people. Do something the wrong way in public view. Instant conversation starter. Side effect: you learn how to do it right. Bonus side effect: you can tell a lot about a person by the way they tell you you're a moron.

By: chrismear

chrismear — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 06:04:50 -0800

Yeah, not in this country. People don't talk to strangers.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 08:21:41 -0800

That's the best way to meet new people. Do something the wrong way in public view. Instant conversation starter.

This is my summer mowing-the-lawn experience. I think it and stacking wood are the rural equivalent to single's bars.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 09:17:22 -0800

My mowing the lawn routine has slowly evolved. I use a riding mower with a skinny little steering wheel that is hard on the hands, so I started by wearing my heavy gardening gloves. Then I noticed that it was really hot, so I added a hat. And the thing is, when the cutting blades are engaged, it's extremely loud, so I added the ear muffs I use for shooting. Of course now I had nothing to listen to, so under those muffs I have my iPod headphones. And because I'm not really good at the whole 'yardwork' thing, weeds build up, and when I go over them with the mower it kicks up a huge amount of dust, so I started using a small pair of motorcycle goggles that I had.

All of these are common sense things, each of them serves a purpose to making my mowing-the-lawn tasks less arduous.

But when in full regalia, if I catch sight of myself, I realize that 1.) I have become that weird man down the street, and 2.) I'm glad I'm already married, because if mowing is the new single bar, I'm also that weird guy down the bar. You know, the one that everyone avoids...

I've considered wrapping a bandanna around my nose and mouth for the really dusty parts, but that would probably push me from 'weird' to 'scary'.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 11:46:10 -0800

Hey, soundofsuburbia! I just met your old lady selling clean works at the local dope spot.

By: davejay

davejay — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 16:41:39 -0800

Would you like to borrow my buckets?

I am now wholly convinced that you really, really enjoyed that Devolution thread the other day, Jessamyn.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 16:51:21 -0800

you really, really enjoyed that Devolution thread the other day, Jessamyn.

I enjoyed it so much I have no recollection of it whatsoever.