Comments on: dateme.com

dateme.com

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:28:39 -0800

So, it's come up a bunch of times, most recently here. Is date.metafilter.com a possibility (or dating status in the profile screen, or whatever was last discussed)? Not that I'm looking or anything! Just idle curiosity you know!

By: dead_

dead_ — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:31:44 -0800

E-mail's in my profile, bro. *wink*

By: mathowie

mathowie — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:34:37 -0800

if it's as simple as adding a status: married/in a relationship/single/looking to the user page, plus private messaging, yeah we could do that this week.

If people want a full blown profiles/search/dating thing, then I guess it'd take a while (after we determine what the must-have features are for version 1.0).

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:37:39 -0800

Please, god, no.

By: chlorus

chlorus — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:37:43 -0800

Run from scope creep.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:38:07 -0800

The only reason this could possibly be a good thing is for the extremely awkward relationship AskMe's it would eventually generate.

By: boo_radley

boo_radley — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:38:16 -0800

Dating? Too involved. *taps foot in rhythmic pattern against stall*

Just kidding. I wouldn't do that kind of thing.
Because I'm not a republican officeholder.

By: chlorus

chlorus — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:39:52 -0800

I'm single and looking, btw.

By: serazin

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:41:44 -0800

if it's as simple as adding a status: married/in a relationship/single/looking to the user page, plus private messaging, yeah we could do that this week.

Why not? Make it optional, and the new mefi mail thing makes it a nice package.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:42:37 -0800

I guess we'd also need: straight/gay/bi/etc as well?

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:42:55 -0800

is going to a meetup so hard?

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:45:55 -0800

"If people want a full blown profiles/search/dating thing, then I guess it'd take a while (after we determine what the must-have features are for version 1.0)."

Well, it should include jpegs (or animated gifs) of my cock, a feature that has somehow been repeatedly overlooked in the expansion of Metafilter.

(Sorry, ladies, that flaccid tube sock is taken!)

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:46:56 -0800

"I guess we'd also need: straight/gay/bi/etc as well?"

No, I think we just go with the assumption that anyone single on Metafilter is pretty much open to having sex with anyone else single on Metafilter.

By: kosem

kosem — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:49:49 -0800

How about a new sort of MeFi Swap?

By: timeistight

timeistight — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:51:24 -0800

is going to a meetup so hard?

You know, I've been to a lot of meetups and I've never seen anything sexy happening.

Of course, it may just be that I leave too early.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:52:02 -0800

What about length?

By: serazin

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:52:05 -0800

I'd suggest instead of "straight/gay/bi" that we go back to the "looking for men/women (check all that apply)" option. But whatever, I aint picky.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:52:55 -0800

I'm totally into this DateMe idea:

About me: I'm wearing a black vinyl miniskirt, no underwear and a beautiful ruffled corset. I'm a naughty girl of mixed Swedish-Balinese heritage, weigh 110 pounds and like big bear-like men who don't bathe and engage in MetaTalk flame wars. I'm also bi-curious and would like to know what it's like with another woman, and I don't mind if you watch me, or even film us together.*

If you're interested, send me a MeFiMail!

*Since we can't upload images, I imagine this is pretty much how MetaDate would turn out.

By: serazin

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:53:16 -0800

E-mail's in my profile, bro. *wink*
posted by dead_ at 1:31 PM on October 24 [+] [!]

dead_, I'm flattered!

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:54:48 -0800

looking for men/women
Don't neglect the "etc" option.

By: DaShiv

DaShiv — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:55:59 -0800

I think one learns a lot more about a potential date (both good and bad) through a perfunctory glance at their posting history than by those inane self-essays on dating sites. Did I mention that I hate the inane self-essays on dating sites?

I think the easiest/best to do something like this would be simply to add an "extended profile" section that's not displayed by default, but instead adding to one's profile a button/link for those who are interested to click on and display things like that person's photos, a brief message about what they're looking for, etc. Combined with user searchability (we already have user locations) and it's pretty much all you'd need.

Others have brought up adding dating sites to one's list of social apps -- for instance, OkCupid has well-formed URLs that are tailored for this.

is going to a meetup so hard?

OMG, so a cute girl might be checking me out at a meetup? NEED MORE ALCOHOL.

By: serazin

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:56:45 -0800

You know, I'm not sure how best to phrase the straight/gay/by or gender thing to avoid freaking anyone out/pissing anyone off.

In the last thread we talked about simply adding a fill in the blank screen labeled:

I am a ________ looking for ____________

Basically, I don't care that much about how its phrased. I wouldn't want us to get too bogged down in phrasing and then drop the idea, you know?

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:57:10 -0800

I also think we should include a list of sexual activities you are for or against engaging in with a potential partner. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna bother taking someone out to dinner only to find out later that she won't piss on me.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:57:15 -0800

OMG, so a cute girl might be checking me out at a meetup? NEED MORE ALCOHOL.

wasn't there an ask.me about this?

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:58:46 -0800

sorry, DaShiv, she's only checking out your camera.

By: cortex

cortex — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:03:37 -0800

Maybe also a radio button option so you can specify if you're a dog person or a cat person or a cat-declawing person.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:04:20 -0800

also if you're blind.

By: Terminal Verbosity

Terminal Verbosity — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:08:40 -0800

Maybe also a radio button option so you can specify if you're a dog person or a cat person or a cat-declawing person.

Yes. Please don't be hatin on the furries.

By: box

box — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:08:52 -0800

You know, I was just thinking that the Internet needs another dating site.

By: milkrate

milkrate — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:13:31 -0800

Oh my god... the person who favorited a comment is single... do they like me?... what if I post another comment and they do not like it?... I know, today I will post a comment in all lowercase, to show I'm casual, not uptight, just normal, right? But maybe that's too casual and it will put them off, like I'm some idiot who can't find the shift key. Maybe I'll post a response to an AskMe question about relationships, to show that I'm thinking about it - but not post an actual AskMetafilter question about meeting people, because that's too much and it's weird and it would put them off. Remember: just be normal. Wait a second... their RSS feed is blinking. Oh my god. They just posted a thread to a link to an article that says everyone needs to vote for Alan Keyes and now they are in the middle of an epic flameout on MetaTalk. I get it - this person is crazy.

By: signal

signal — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:18:42 -0800

Dude, do you really want to have to worry about how you're dressed and is your hair alright before logging on to MeFi?

By: dismas

dismas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:19:05 -0800

Why not just make it an open field, so people can type whatever they like?

By: philomathoholic

philomathoholic — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:19:39 -0800

if it's as simple as adding a status: married/in a relationship/single/looking to the user page, plus private messaging...

Someone mentioned a members-only free form text box in our profiles a while ago here. This sounds to me like a nice general solution to things like this.

By: Stynxno

Stynxno — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:20:04 -0800

if this happens, can all questions in ask.me pertaining to date.me relationships be non-annon?

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:21:27 -0800

DateMe: But whatever, I aint picky.

By: micayetoca

micayetoca — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:23:26 -0800

Well, it should include jpegs (or animated gifs) of my cock, a feature that has somehow been repeatedly overlooked in the expansion of Metafilter.
(Sorry, ladies, that flaccid tube sock is taken!)
posted by klangklangston

And now everybody knows that expansion and your cock don't work together.

By: ND¢

ND¢ — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:27:11 -0800

For those who have successful DateMe meet-ups and need a little baby-making music, here is a live Hall & Oates concert from 1977. Put that on and break out the wine coolers. That will get things happening. You're welcome.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:27:22 -0800

If people want a full blown profiles/search/dating thing

No. We do not.

If you want to meet Mefites to date or hook-up with or whatever, go to a meetup. If there are no meetups in your area, plan one. If you can't find anyone to meetup with, move. If you don't want to move, e-mail people whose writings you admire. If you're too lazy to do that, why should a dating site be built for you?

By: Cool Papa Bell

Cool Papa Bell — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:30:20 -0800

I guess we'd also need: straight/gay/bi/etc as well?

Don't forget the midgets. And precisely how many snakes do you prefer at your orgies? Because some people are only into one or two, while others get all hot and bothered watching that scene in the temple in the first Indiana Jones movie...

By: iconomy

iconomy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:32:53 -0800

Just pass someone a note in study hall if you think they're cute.

By: Chuckles

Chuckles — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:36:40 -0800

TPS is right, of course, but one more line to fill in on user profile pages couldn't hurt.

Except when you find somebody, of course.. And they discover that you haven't changed "single" to "madly in love" yet.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:38:18 -0800

DOES YOU LIKE ME CHECK YES OR NO

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:39:38 -0800

I am a ________ looking for ____________

Ooo, Madlibs! I am a DESERT looking for A HORSE WITH NO NAME.

By: iconomy

iconomy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:41:54 -0800

if u like me send me a pm if i like u ill send u 1 back ok

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:43:14 -0800

*pokes iconomy*

By: soundofsuburbia

soundofsuburbia — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:44:14 -0800

Sorry. I do like the DateMe idea, I say go for it. And then sidebar the marriages!

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:45:26 -0800

If you're too lazy to do that, why should a dating site be built for you?

Because they have a purty mouth.

and what about swinging.metafilter for the married set?

By: thatothrgirl

thatothrgirl — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:47:58 -0800

You know, I've been to a lot of meetups and I've never seen anything sexy happening.

Of course, it may just be that I leave too early.

I'm confused - aren't all meetups sleepovers?

By: kosem

kosem — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:54:50 -0800

As long as there are updates in MeTa (as in Updatefilter: kosem didn't call me. What a dick lol!"), and as long as that thing that says "Also On" will henceforth include hotornot.com, adultfriendfinder, and jdate, I say fire it up.

By: sneakin

sneakin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:54:50 -0800

MeFi, your pix gets mine.

By: Deathalicious

Deathalicious — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 14:59:01 -0800

Gee, if only there was some location on the profile page where you could put personal text, including information on orientation and relationship status...

I think that mathowie has to seriously think about the direction MetaFilter is taking. We have MeFiMail, and soon we will have travel.metafilter and who knows what else.

I agree that this is feature creep. I would add one or two more optional textareas for people's profiles, and allow them to select one picture from, say, Flickr, that they can set up as their profile picture if they so choose. That's as much as you need to do.

For those of you who are looking for a potential mate, I had excellent success with OkCupid. I met my current GF there. We're something like 90+% compatible and it's wonderful.

By: Bookhouse

Bookhouse — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:01:42 -0800

I'm taken, but I vote yes to anything with the potential for hilarious. And the breakup/flameout MeTa threads that this can engender will be hi-larious.

By: serazin

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:02:29 -0800

Deathalicious,

What exactly is the danger of adding more features? I kind of love the idea of having metafilter as a homebase where I can do a bunch of different stuff. Why not?

I certainly don't want to burden the admins with a bunch more work, but if they're OK with it, what is the possible harm?

By: Unicorn on the cob

Unicorn on the cob — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:02:37 -0800

Guys, I work for a dating site (should say have, for multiple years). It's massive, as in, bigger than klangklangston's "cock" (in quotations because to me at this point, it's mythical). If anyone wants some inside pointers or verbiage on MeFiMatch, uh, send me a MeMail. I'd be happy to help!

I'm already dating one of you people, but hey, the more the merrier (MeFi couples, that is)!

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:07:30 -0800

And Ask Metafilter takes care of that 10%, right?

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:10:41 -0800

DateMe would be like an AskMe trainwreck and a MeTa flameout all rolled up in one. DO IT

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:14:32 -0800

I guess we'd also need: straight/gay/bi/etc as well?

Any port in a storm.

By: nomisxid

nomisxid — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:18:06 -0800

Any port in a storm
A hole is a hole --bon jovi

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:20:06 -0800

Yes, but how many holes?

Radio buttons for number of holes, plz.

By: hangashore

hangashore — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:26:40 -0800

Gee, if only there was some location on the profile page where you could put personal text, including information on orientation and relationship status...

Thing is, you'd have to check a lot of profiles before finding anyone who'd share out that info - too much frog-kissing. How about an opt-in icon for DateMe users - something that sits unobtrusively in the signature line; kinda like

posted by StudlyCasanova at 4:07 PM on October 24 [+] [!] [♥]

...as inspired by Rock Steady's contribution in the more recent MeMail thread.

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:29:56 -0800

Admins - trust me, you don't want none of this.

Running an online dating site is a whole can of worms that you just don't want to open.

Leave it on the shelf, and walk away slowly.

If you want me to elaborate, email is in profile.

By: cortex

cortex — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:31:32 -0800

^^^ example of coy come-on

By: Afroblanco

Afroblanco — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:33:03 -0800

cortex, you make me blush.

By: ardgedee

ardgedee — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:36:43 -0800

This is as good a time as any to declare I've got first rights on a wacky romantic comedy-drama based on the real-life story of the members of a social bookmarking site who lose track of which sockpuppet accounts they're using with each other as they fall in and out of love.

By: Razzle Bathbone

Razzle Bathbone — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:38:54 -0800

Oh man, I can picture the great anonymous AskMe questions now.

"Hope me hivemind. I am dating someone online and they have asked if they can cyber-fist me. What should I do?"

By: aramaic

aramaic — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:42:06 -0800

That's a question I think needs to be answered now

By: Pater Aletheias

Pater Aletheias — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:44:49 -0800

others get all hot and bothered watching that scene in the temple in the first Indiana Jones movie...

That scene was in the second Indiana Jones movie.

You just failed the only test I give to potential dates.

By: carsonb

carsonb — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:51:58 -0800

I thought this was already implemented?

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 15:55:24 -0800

"That scene was in the second Indiana Jones movie."

I thought he meant the underground excavation part of Lost Ark.

You know, with the snakes.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:16:46 -0800

"and what about swinging.metafilter for the married set?"

key-exchange.metafilter.com

pb could develop a virtual fishbowl. It would be so easy.

By: tkchrist

tkchrist — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:23:01 -0800

I endorse this proposition but with two caveats.

1) No matter what all dates must end in some form of mutually agreed upon sexual intercourse. This does not have to involve one or both "daters." The use of professionals is permitted.

2) Said sexual intercourse will be video taped and posted for free download with the option to purchase more.

This would fill a much vacant niche on the internet.

Otherwise? DO NOT WANT.

By: IndigoRain

IndigoRain — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:23:42 -0800

I second stavrosthewonderchicken:

Please, god, no.

By: quin

quin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:24:06 -0800

I thought about dating ThePinkSuperhero, but then I realized that it wouldn't work. Firstly because I don't actually know her. Second, because I've been told that she has good taste and would have none of my bullshit. Third, because her profile makes me cry like a child, and that's just not attractive in an grown man.

That I'm happily married never even crossed my mind.

By: DaShiv

DaShiv — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:26:33 -0800

Re: feature creep.

One of my favorite aspects of Mefi Mail is how one can easily opt out of it entirely. As long as DateMe features were entirely opt-in, it would only take a few new features (extended profile with photo(s), profile searches for receptive users within x miles, and so on) to satisfy those who would like to see this happen.

I know that if I weren't seriously looking to date, my biggest problem with DateMe would be the annoyance from seeing its features (for example, what hangashore suggested) embedded throughout the site. And if I were seriously looking to date, my biggest problem with DateMe would be in actually spotting others in the same boat and finding out more about them. That's why it would be best to have a thorough opt in/out system to cater to both sides. There should be no signs of DateMe at all for those who don't enable it via a radio button in their profile edit page.

I'm surprised by the animosity against harnessing Mefi's social networking abilities in a way that would make many users happier. Cruft is in the eyes of the beholder. I don't use MuFi, for instance, but I don't begrudge it for merely existing. It's simply another direction for Mefi that enough in this community finds useful and fulfilling. DateMe wouldn't even need an entire subsite -- just a few simple tools. And I suspect that DateMe would be used far more often than MuFi, Jobs, etc.

By: lekvar

lekvar — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:27:27 -0800

I think DateMe should be implemented just like every other part of MetaFilter.

The OP crafts a post describing themselves, their interests, and what they're looking for. Other members then come by and post to the DateMe thread with various bon mots, haiku, LOLcat nonsense, (OH HAI, I CAN HAS EROTIK MASSAGE?) and other signs of interest ("meh," "I saw this on BoingBoing last week," etc.)

The OP then gets to pick whichever response they like best, and mark it as Best Answer.

By: Samuel Farrow

Samuel Farrow — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:28:59 -0800

This is why we can only have half of the nice things following the divorce settlement.

By: Pot

Pot — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:29:54 -0800

Single, 12-qt., heavy-gauge, hard anodized aluminum stock pot with stick-resistant surface, looking for shiny black cookware for hot, steamy relationship.

By: Item

Item — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:29:57 -0800

Could you guys possibly incorporate some sort of Google maps widget into our profiles that show the locations, sizes, and hours of all the nearest gloryholes?

Thanks!

By: Kettle

Kettle — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:30:37 -0800

12-qt., heavy-gauge, hard anodized aluminum stock pot with stick-resistant surface? More like a 3-qt tin chafing dish, amirite?

By: quin

quin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:35:24 -0800

12-qt., heavy-gauge, hard anodized aluminum stock pot with stick-resistant surface,

Did anyone else find that oddly arousing?

By: justgary

justgary — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:47:41 -0800

If people want a full blown profiles/search/dating thing, then I guess it'd take a while (after we determine what the must-have features are for version 1.0).
posted by mathowie

O.k. Who stole mathowies password.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:53:45 -0800

Since I'm happily married, the whole thing would be pointless.

FOR YOU GUYS!! hahahaha

By: SassHat

SassHat — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 16:57:41 -0800

I'm confused by all the people who are jumping in saying "no no no" but clearly have no use for the feature anyway...Uh I'm single, I probably wouldn't use the feature, but I wholeheartedly approve of the feature anyway. More mefites gettin' it on is alright by me.

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:04:14 -0800

The OP crafts a post describing themselves, their interests, and what they're looking for. Other members then come by and post to the DateMe thread with various bon mots, haiku, LOLcat nonsense, (OH HAI, I CAN HAS EROTIK MASSAGE?) and other signs of interest ("meh," "I saw this on BoingBoing last week," etc.)

Awesome.

By: Joseph Gurl

Joseph Gurl — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:42:56 -0800

Nine thumbs down.

By: meehawl

meehawl — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:52:35 -0800

What we need is a virtual goods trading system. We should be able to trade favorites for sexual acts or for specific-duration GFEs/BFEs, and so on. Naturally, the exchange rates should be floating, not fixed.

By: meehawl

meehawl — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 17:58:37 -0800

Also, some people appreciate safety in dating. We could link it with a user identity verification system.

By: gummi

gummi — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:01:24 -0800

I'm a cute, thirty-something gay man. I like long walks on the beach, the occasional gin martini, and I can boogie like pre-breakdown Britney.

[REJECTED] by MeFiHarmony!

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:06:10 -0800

I'm confused by all the people who are jumping in saying 'no no no'

They say no, but they mean to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:07:32 -0800

More mefites gettin' it on is alright by me.

one word: breeding.

By: Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:07:33 -0800

I'm a stockbroker. I make lots and lots of money. Email in profile.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:15:19 -0800

I put on my robe and ~~wizard~~ MeFi ~~hat~~ tshirt.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:17:29 -0800

one word: breeding.

We'll all end up breeding, anyway. This way just keeps it alllll in the family.

By: brownpau

brownpau — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:26:03 -0800

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:31:10 -0800

Oh, and I think DaShiv's idea is perfect. Opt-in for those who want, and they'd see the extended profiles and little heart icon (great idea btw) beside usernames. Those who don't opt-in don't see anything different on the site. Best of both worlds.

And I have to agree with the ID verification. I think you shouldn't be able to even activate DateMe without a verification of some sort. One site I belong to requires you to take a photo holding a handwritten unique identifier that the site provides. It's not perfect, but it weeds out most of the crazies and fakes.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:35:16 -0800

I think one learns a lot more about a potential date (both good and bad) through a perfunctory glance at their posting history than by those inane self-essays on dating sites.

Maybe, but I very rarely post (as opposed to commenting) and one of the top tags that shows up in my posting history is "gay", which would be very misleading if anybody chose to draw any conclusions from it.

Being currently single, though, the "handparty" tag isn't quite as misleading.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:40:39 -0800

DOES YOU LIKE ME CHECK YES OR NO

I CAN HAS FURBURGER?

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:41:55 -0800

bp, you nearly became my favorite with that comment.

Nearly.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:42:13 -0800

I CAN HAS PURPLE HEADED WOMB FERRET?

By: ALongDecember

ALongDecember — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:43:38 -0800

Ooh a post for every relationship.

Come on baby, I didn't know she was your sister!
post by Dick at 9:34 PM on October 24 [+] [!]

Shut up. Quit calling me.
post by Jane at 9:35 PM on October 24 [+] [!]

This relationships has ended and is closed to new comments

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:46:45 -0800

weeds out most of the crazies and fakes.

Well there goes my chance of meeting a nice absent-minded scientist engineer nerd. On the other hand, I kiss and ban.

I am _jessamyn_ looking for _wife-type polymath, male_

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:48:14 -0800

OMG, so a cute girl might be checking me out at a meetup? NEED MORE ALCOHOL.

DaShiv, are you really *that* oblivious? I guess there's just no helping some people...

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:53:31 -0800

Wow, TPS is smokin hot.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 18:58:29 -0800

hey, TPS, the gay dude thinks you're hot.
(but that's cool, lesbians dig me)

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:02:14 -0800

Perhaps there could also be some zillow-like features, like "make me break up my marriage" where you can list out a set of requirements and someone can make you that offer.

I personally cannot wait for the in-thread sniping that occurs amongst the newly broken up and the first banning of someone who just won't take "no" as an answer.

By: IndigoRain

IndigoRain — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:02:45 -0800

I'm surprised by the animosity against harnessing Mefi's social networking abilities in a way that would make many users happier.

DaShiv, I can't speak for Stavros this time, but the reason I personally feel this way is because Metafilter does not feel like a social network, and I don't want it to become just another social network. It would feel, to me, like MeFi is just indiscriminately jumping on the Web 2.0 bandwagon for no good reason. However, if DateMe comes into existence, I won't begrudge it... I'll just ignore it. I would like it if, as many have suggested, there is no appearance of it on the site if you choose to opt out.

You mention making users happier - it could also make them sadder, angrier, etc... with nasty breakups.

If I saw a MeFi member I was interested in, I'd go to their profile and find out about them, and e-mail or MeFi Mail them. What more do we need? (Rhetorical question.)

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:04:02 -0800

Metafilter does not feel like a social network,

More like a sociopathic network, amirite...

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:07:08 -0800

"MeFi is just indiscriminately jumping on the Web 2.0 bandwagon"

Metafiltr

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:12:59 -0800

If I saw a MeFi member I was interested in, I'd go to their profile and find out about them, and e-mail or MeFi Mail them. What more do we need? (Rhetorical question.)

I think the point is that having such a feature would allow people to positively indicate that they welcome such interest. I've had one or two somewhat unwelcome emails from users who were interested in me over the past couple of years... I think if we had a DateMe thing in profiles, people would know "Hey, this person didn't put DateMe in, so I probably shouldn't try to DateThem."

Well, it's a hope, anyway.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:13:40 -0800

...Hilarity ensues!

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:21:31 -0800

DaShiv, are you really *that* oblivious?

Wow, they fixed the captions on the slideshow.

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:24:23 -0800

I personally cannot wait for the in-thread sniping that occurs amongst the newly broken up and the first banning of someone who just won't take "no" as an answer.

Seriously, though, THIS is why Metafilter should not open a dating branch.

By: dirtynumbangelboy

dirtynumbangelboy — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:27:21 -0800

Actually, that's a really great point. The userbase has collectively proven that if we can be jerks, many of us will be, on average. Throw a failed date or relationship into that and all hell will break loose.

Mattamynx, if you decide to implement this feature, warn me so I can buy shares in Orville Redenbacher, ok?

By: billyfleetwood

billyfleetwood — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:28:51 -0800

There seems to be some resistance to the idea, so maybe metafilter isn't the right place for dating, which is too bad, cause really it's the perfect place for it.

Back when the nerve dating site bit the dust, i had a conversation with a bunch of friends about why all online dating sites sucked so much. These were my "smart" friends, all of whom have work in tech fields as programmers designers, project managers, etc. The upshot of the conversation was that all online dating sites sucked, and will continue to do so for two reasons.

1) It's a solo activity, whereas in real life meeting people is usually a social activity. Social networking sites address that issue somewhat, but there's too much other stuff going in, and they facilitate networking moreso than community.

2)They are all profile based, and not activity based. Finding commonalities through shared activity is much more naturalistic than the "here's a list of attributes that i think are attractive" scenario.

More recently, sites like iminlikewithyou, and consumating have attempted to get past the "shopping for a mate" aspect of online dating. Not really sure if they hit the mark. I think Metafilter with dating funcionality would be an interesting experiment, in that it is a "place" and not a "tool".

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:31:41 -0800

Seriously, though, THIS is why Metafilter should not open a dating branch.

I dunno. A reasonable solution would be to restrict the warring parties to only being able to post RelationshipFilter AskMes.

Hilarity ensures. Or sanity. But most likely, hilarity.

By: billyfleetwood

billyfleetwood — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:31:42 -0800

I should also add, that I can think of about 5 immediate reasons why it's a bad idea also. I'm not for or against, I just think it's an interesting concept.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:31:57 -0800

By: cortex

cortex — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:35:54 -0800

Metafiltr

Too late.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:37:03 -0800

I think Metafilter with dating funcionality would be an interesting experiment, in that it is a "place" and not a "tool".

Except that it would become a "tool" for hordes of noobs who want nothing other than to hook up with a sexy librarian, sciencey geekgirl, descriptivist polyglot or wife-type polymath (male).

By: ThePinkSuperhero

ThePinkSuperhero — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:41:48 -0800

I think Metafilter with dating funcionality would be an interesting experiment, in that it is a "place" and not a "tool".

I think the second we open a dating ad section, it'll be a place full of tools.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:42:01 -0800

Except that it would become a "tool" for hordes of noobs who want nothing other than to hook up with a sexy librarian, sciencey geekgirl, descriptivist polyglot or wife-type polymath (male).

...And it was right then that Matt decided to become the richest man in the world.

By: Ambrosia Voyeur

Ambrosia Voyeur — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:44:02 -0800

Yes, but how many holes?

Radio buttons for number of holes, plz.

starting at 4.

By: gsteff

gsteff — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 19:48:11 -0800

I think this is a horrible idea, but I usually do.

By: billyfleetwood

billyfleetwood — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:13:51 -0800

I think the second we open a dating ad section, it'll be a place full of tools.

Only one way to keep out the undesirables, and that's a dress code. Remember people, dress to impress.

By: Miko

Miko — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:36:40 -0800

Throw a failed date or relationship into that and all hell will break loose.

We've already got plenty of those and all hell somehow has remained restrained. I don't really see it changing anything to know who's interested. I endorse a simple profile line.

By: Iron Rat

Iron Rat — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:39:07 -0800

Do you wanna make fifty bucks? You ain't a cop are you?

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:45:28 -0800

"Metafiltr

Too late."

Mothrfuckr.

SONOFABITCH!

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:51:09 -0800

Prediction: DoMe is shut down and mathowie is financially ruined by thousands of lawsuits after tehloki single-handedly creates a herpes pandemic across the 'fitlerverse.

I am _jessamyn_ looking for _wife-type polymath, male_

I have my own toilet brush and like both comics and graphic novels.

I'll let myself out.

By: Alvy Ampersand

Alvy Ampersand — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:58:13 -0800

Also, despite the fact that I've championed the idea in the past, I think it's a can of worms stuffed in a tube of toothpaste in a genie lamp¹. The last thing I need to see is a MeTa call-out because MeFite X was SO NOT eight inches, soft².

¹The fact that I now have a wonderful and lovely girlfriend is completely unrelated.

² Actually, that'd be pretty awesome.

By: Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 21:10:58 -0800

Maybe I'm just tuned to a different wavelength or what have you, but everyone else's parade of horrors is my parade of lulz.

Messy break-ups? Stalkings, bannings, lawsuits? Call-outs galore? Sounds pretty fucking awesome. Let's do this!

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 21:40:06 -0800

If I saw a MeFi member I was interested in...

Surely by the time you're looking at people's exposed members, the choices are narrow: hop on pop, or not.

By: serazin

serazin — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 21:46:43 -0800

Well, sounds like a resounding 'no'. I don't really get what the problem is. People seem to have a lot of resistance, but not much specific in terms of actual problems this would cause, especially if it was opt-in, (I mean, do you really think we'll get a million new members signing up just for the dating feature if there's only a low-key expanded profile page?) but OK.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 21:50:01 -0800

I disagree with the naysayers that DateMe is a can of worms we shouldn't open. Any new departure for the site is likely to come with its problems. AskMe can be problematic, but it's still a huge addition to the site. I say open the can and let the worms squirm free. If it turns out that it's useless or too fraught with problems to be useful, it can be disabled.

I like the idea of a "single and looking for" status line for our userpages, and by all means make it optional so that the blissfully partnered people don't have to be subjected to the sight of all of us pathetic lonelyhearts trying to hook up with each other. I also think it would be a good idea to create a picture field to go with the status line, because hey, sexual attraction is one shallow beast.

The other feature we would need is searchability. I suppose we'd want at minimum to be able to search for single people in our geographic region.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 22:16:23 -0800

I suppose we'd want at minimum to be able to search for single people in our geographic region.

The geographical thing is key to why this idea largely draws a great big 'meh' from me, because (strictly from my downunder perspective) there just aren't enough of us to give DoMe a sufficient critical mass to bother using.

I mean, there are only around 30 MeFites in Sydney, the majority of whom seem to be either lurkers, occasional users, or lapsed users. Of the females who are active, involved & outgoing enough to actually bother showing up at meetups, two are partnered & the third is unknown (currently MIA). So, yeh, hardly an overflowing cup of choice.

By: Ryvar

Ryvar — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 22:23:20 -0800

(after we determine what the must-have features are for version 1.0).

A 'no fatties' tag would be a start.

By: DaShiv

DaShiv — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 22:59:15 -0800

Posting personal ads could be easily gamed, sure, just like people have gamed AskMe by paying their $5 to ask questions but contributing few or no answers, comments, or FPPs in return. (And the consensus in MeTa so far says that this hasn't exactly destroyed the site.) But the DateMe mechanisms that have actually been proposed in this thread -- profile extensions, profile searching, and post footers, all completely opt-in -- are minor, easily hidden features and not easily gamed: how would one draw attention to one's DateMe profile except by creating an interesting posting/comment history? And if one games the system by posting interesting things and becoming an interesting participant on MeFi, then where's the crime?

If someone had proposed AskMe back in the day and the only existing example had been Yahoo Answers, then there'd surely have been a wave of criticism against the proposal. Instead, AskMe was done so well that it became the model for Yahoo Answers. I don't have an opinion on the value of added relationship drama vs. entertainment from DateMe, but looking at how well AskMe has been put together and moderated, I'm certain that DateMe would likewise be well-handled by Matt and company. Are we really worried that they'll use DateMe to turn MeFi into pokes and top 8 friends?

TPS, I had emailed the NYT website producer to make sure that you were properly captioned in the slide show. *blows kiss*

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 23:30:10 -0800

You know having thought about it, the fact that this kind of thing fills me with... I don't know, cognitive dissonance and a kind of snooty bemusement, I guess, is maybe cultural.

Of all of my friends over the decades, from all walks of life and in a number of different countries, I can't think of one who has ever admitted to 'dating'. Do people really do this? It's just so far out of my experience -- the realm of Archie Comics and Sex and The City television programs -- that I just find it hard to wrap my head around the idea, or why adults would find it somehow useful or interesting.

Integrating sex into the site might or might not drive me away entirely if the stink rising from the endless idiot quest for genital gratification started tainting the air here, too, (but that's my problem, I admit). It's not like we don't catch the meaty odor of it everywhere else in our lives, online and off. Sexuality and all the stupidity that lights up its runway is fine, but it doesn't need to be bolted on to every waking moment of our existence, if we're not teenagers.

The minute (some) people start preening and self-editing because they want to be attractive to their chosen target gender, that's when it all collapses into a slick juicy pit of stupid, no matter what the context. I reckon.

Forty shaved sexy wants to do it all day With a gun-totin' trigger-happy tranny named Kinky Renée Tired teacher twenty-eight seeks regular meetings for masculine muscular nappy-clad brutal breeding While his wife rough-wrestles with a puppy all aquiver in a wine-soaked strobe-lit Asiatic hall of mirrors and a dash of loneliness

DO NOT WANT.

But, sure, I guess, let people select something on their profile to declare their marital status, location and whether they're looking for men/women/quonsar. Finally make a decent granular search facility that can be narrowed to just searching for whoopie partners or long-term whatever, if that's what people want to search for. The PM functionality is already in place. For my part, I really wouldn't want to see anything more than that, nor, I assume, would much else be necessary to enable the Seekers After Love.

God bless 'em.

By: DaShiv

DaShiv — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 23:51:51 -0800

The minute (some) people start preening and self-editing because they want to be attractive to their chosen target gender, that's when it all collapses into a slick juicy pit of stupid

Didn't you get mathowie's memo?

The only reason he still keeps me and my camera around is to send me across the country to capture the preening chicks at meetups for him.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 23:59:28 -0800

I know you're just joking around (and I love your portraits!), but this is kind of what I mean. In a real-world situation at a bar or whatever, there's always going to be some subset of the folks there who are as or more interested in romantic possibility as they are just in being swell pals and getting to know people and having a fine old time. That's normal and sometimes it doesn't even mess up the group dynamic too badly.

I'm just not keen on having that atmosphere start to make it's way into the 'filters, is all. Because I tend to think the lustmonkey messes shit up. I like the fact that -- unless the topic at hand is gender-related, maybe -- I neither know nor care if a poster here is male or female.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 00:29:13 -0800

Of all of my friends over the decades, from all walks of life and in a number of different countries, I can't think of one who has ever admitted to 'dating'. Do people really do this? It's just so far out of my experience -- the realm of Archie Comics and Sex and The City television programs -- that I just find it hard to wrap my head around the idea, or why adults would find it somehow useful or interesting.

Where are you from originally, stavros? I have the exact same anecdotal experience, but my understanding is that 'dating' is completely normal in the US, and maybe in Canada. The rest of us don't really do it.

From the sounds of it, it's perfectly regular & normal for people of opposite/target genders to go out all the bloody time on almost zero pretext in the US, as if life is some sort of endless round of low-key job interviews for potential partners.

In the Anglo-Australasian world, it's almost the opposite: you don't go out for dinner one-on-one with every second person you know; you reserve that for people of special interest, in which case you generally do everything you can to defuse the situation by *never* referring to it as a "date".

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 00:33:40 -0800

Where are you from originally, stavros?

From Canada, and although I've spent a lot of time and have friends in the UK/NZ/Australia, I haven't spent much in the US, so you may well be right about that.

By: philomathoholic

philomathoholic — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:01:49 -0800

"
I like the fact that -- unless the topic at hand is gender-related, maybe -- I neither know nor care if a poster here is male or female.
"

If we go with DaShiv's good ideas, then you won't. And if people start making off-topic or derailing comments (that happen to be about hooking up or breaking up), then just flag them as noise.

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:17:33 -0800

“I have the exact same anecdotal experience, but my understanding is that 'dating' is completely normal in the US, and maybe in Canada. The rest of us don't really do it.”

I think it has a lot more to do with different personality types than cultural differences (across similar cultures like NA, Europe, and Australia/NZ). I've gone out on only a handful of “dates” that meet the stereotypical standard of such. But I've still had reasonably enough sex and serious relationships (alas, not in a long while, though).

About this post:

Someone earlier mentioned that something in-site indicating someone's interest in dating really makes a big difference because at least a good number of us are very reluctant to investigate the possibilities with someone for fear of making an embarrassing faux pas or otherwise making the prospective romantic interest uncomfortable. If they're not interested, an overture to them and their subsequent awareness that you were interested makes for uncomfortable interactions.

That's true even if they are interested in dating but turn you down, but to me that's just not as bad for some reason. I guess making it known you're interested seems like an invitation to queries.

This makes a huge difference to me because while my ego can easily take a rejection these days (if only this had been true when I was a teenager!), I still have a tremendous fear of, well, I don't know exactly how to describe it...violating someone's boundaries of expected behavior where we both get hugely embarrassed and the other person is also a little annoyed or angry. I just can't bear that at all, which is why I'm one of those boring and annoying guys who needs explicit verbal permission to initiate sexual activity.

My most recent ex-SO that I've not seen in several years came to town and visited me a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I'd not been dating and was feeling fairly lonely and that I was long overdue to be dating again, at least a little bit. But I've basically no possibilities for meeting anyone these days in my offline-life. I've gone on three coffee dates in the last three years as a result of online personals, but none of the three were successful. Anyway, she knows I'm very active on MetaFilter and so she asked if "there's ever been any possibilities on MetaFilter". I said there's been two or three, but I didn't think they were actual possibilities for me so I didn't investigate. Still, there's so many people here—who knows what's possible? But I'm just not going to email someone I sort of know on MeFi or, worse, have just read but not interacted with, because anything that would be actually effective flirting is far too bold and fraught with that risk of it being a faux pas, while flirting that is so subtle that it doesn't trigger that fear in me also, alas, tends to be so subtle that the target never notices it anyway. :)

I think many of the worries that people have are legitimate and are collectively probably a very strong argument against anything more than just the most rudimentary addition to the site, such as an additional couple of fields in one's profile. But merely one or two fields could make a lot of things possible that weren't possible without them.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:27:09 -0800

then just flag them as noise.

'Just flag it' is FAIL and horribly broken as a moderation/community management strategy, in my opinion, but that's a whole 'nother topic.

Anyway, I'm not talking about any proliferation of I AM SEXY AND I LIKE TO SEX UP comments at all, which I thought was pretty clear from what I said upthread. I would expect there would be almost precisely none of those, in fact. We're mostly adults here.

Look, like I said: a couple of small easy-win features to roll out (one of which -- decent site search -- is years overdue anyway and would be universally useful), and it can be kept tucked away in the corner where it belongs, so those of us who aren't interested can happily ignore it, and those who need looooove (or whatever) can chase it to their hearts' (or whatever's) content.

By: philomathoholic

philomathoholic — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 01:55:23 -0800

Anyway, I'm not talking about any proliferation of I AM SEXY AND I LIKE TO SEX UP comments at all, which I thought was pretty clear from what I said upthread. I would expect there would be almost precisely none of those, in fact. We're mostly adults here.

I guess the sentences before what I actually quoted above is where I got that idea.

I'm just not keen on having that atmosphere start to make it's way into the 'filters, is all. Because I tend to think the lustmonkey messes shit up.

But whatever, I'm not trying to argue or prove anything.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 02:02:56 -0800

Nor I. Just thinking aloud, mostly. And a little worried about the direction Metafilter seems to be going, sometimes.

By: taz

taz — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 03:04:36 -0800

I love the idea*, because I'm always dreaming up MeFi ~~slash fiction~~ true-love matches. Can we have a field for "Yente" in our profile?

* expanded profile with geographical search of opt-ins; but, I warn you, I'm going to opt in just to see who's opting in. That's gonna throw all those searches for HMS in Greece right off.

By: gen

gen — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 04:56:33 -0800

I'm of the opinion that there are MANY other websites on the 'net for finding other people to spend time with in person. The proposed functionality would only be useful to a fraction of people a fraction of the time. I vote no.

By: Skorgu

Skorgu — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 05:13:03 -0800

I'm ambivelent on the idea as a whole, but I do kind of like the idea of a you-must-be-a-real-person validation, and using DateMe as a good carrot as motivation. Opt in by proving you're a person and get to see who else is a guaranteed human being. Sexytime hijinks optional.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 05:16:13 -0800

(back after a couple of other commitments...just felt like adding an afterthought that hit me as i was leaving the office...)

I think it has a lot more to do with different personality types than cultural differences (across similar cultures like NA, Europe, and Australia/NZ).

From what I have heard from American friends, and from what I can glean from RelationshipFilter AskMes, I think there is a distinct cultural difference between the US (North America, generally?) and other anglophone cultures. I would model it this way:

In the US, people might 'date' (go for coffee, or drinks, maybe lunch or dinner) even if there's as little as 5-10% potential (at least remotely possible; not completely out of the question) for compatibility, relationship-wise.

In other anglophone countries (or at least, down under), that potential would need to probably be above 50% (more likely than not) before anybody would propose or accept a date.

The US seems to be more like "yeh, dip a toe in the water, nothing to lose", as opposed to a model like "ok, we've already established a bunch of mutual interest & compatability" - in the latter model, the date is almost an implicit handshake agreement, with a power of veto attached in case some horrendously dealbreaking shows its ugly head.

By: leesh

leesh — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 05:24:33 -0800

I'm of the opinion that there are MANY other websites on the 'net for finding other people to spend time with in person.

Yeah, but . . . the people here are way cooler/smarter than most of the people on those sites. I would totally opt in to a dating subsite.

By: crush-onastick

crush-onastick — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 05:39:35 -0800

I can't imagine why unobtrusive functions that let other members know you're interested in one-on-one meeting-up is so controversial. I suspect it's because most of us know we're no scody and our posting histories aren't doing us any favors.

By: amro

amro — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:06:34 -0800

I'm of the opinion that there are MANY other websites on the 'net for finding other people to spend time with in person.

Sure, but it's always so difficult to explain Metafilter to those people.

By: Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:16:29 -0800

Did I mention that I have a great deal of money? Email in profile.

By: desjardins

desjardins — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:16:33 -0800

One of the reasons I joined this site is because it wasn't a dating site, overtly or covertly, and my gender/orientation/status didn't matter. I can certainly understand the desire for single people to want to meet other mefites for more than just coffee, but I'd hate it if the site attracted people on that basis. I don't want to get "Do you think I'm hot?" e-mails from mefites.

By: octobersurprise

octobersurprise — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:16:47 -0800

I vote yes to anything with the potential for hilarious.

Yes! Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!

By: desuetude

desuetude — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:19:14 -0800

I think the point is that having such a feature would allow people to positively indicate that they welcome such interest.

Pfft. You're just playing hard to get.

By: cowbellemoo

cowbellemoo — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:23:02 -0800

I would also like dates.

By: Xoder

Xoder — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:24:04 -0800

I think that adding the status and seeking lines would be just enough. And I really like the free-form "I am _____ looking for ____" idea. Going whole-hog with the profiles and ratings and shit would be blind to the function of the site: community. As billyfleetwood said, it's the place of common activity that is key here.

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:33:21 -0800

Never happen, 'cause you'll need the image tag to make this work.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 06:43:46 -0800

I am tired and looking for sleep.

By: mygothlaundry

mygothlaundry — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 07:19:26 -0800

I have never gotten the hate for DateMe. I don't really see what kind of harm it could do to the site, particularly in the innocuous form it's being suggested here. DaShiv has it, I think - I can't see where it's going to cause any harm to anyone and for those of us who might want to use it, which would include me, probably, (not that it's worked at all in the past, okay, but, you know, fucking hope and its annoying habit of springing eternally, argh) well, it's a nice pony. If it leads to more hand wringing askme drama, then that's just a bonus for the schadenfreude inclined amongst us.

By: mygothlaundry

mygothlaundry — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 07:20:08 -0800

Drat, I meant DaShiv's comment here.

By: LordSludge

LordSludge — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 07:35:30 -0800

I am a man looking for a goat.

By: maudlin

maudlin — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 07:52:12 -0800

Any DateMe that includes Mickey Kaus is dead to me.

By: Cat Pie Hurts

Cat Pie Hurts — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:12:14 -0800

ISO pie production partner. Pain required.

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:51:19 -0800

ISO pie production partner. Pain required.

Only the young and tender ones will do for me. How gauche you are, sir/madam. I'm afraid the kittenman is too good for you.

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 10:16:51 -0800

posted by kittens for breakfast

I could never date anyone who eats kittens before lunch time for the same reason I'd avoid anyone who drinks between the hours of 6 and 8am.

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 10:23:48 -0800

More seriously: I'm fine with the ideas presented above. An opt in thing to display interest + geographical search would be enough really. You don't even necessarily need to have a picture actually in your profile (are images allowed in profiles? I forget), you could just link to one elsewhere. The things needed to make it are really quite minimal, so why not try it and see what happens?

Of course, I'm definitely in the LOLSCHADENFREUDIST camp.

And if it turns out to have been a disruptive, bad idea, get rid of it.

By: FunkyHelix

FunkyHelix — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 11:44:34 -0800

S'up mah, Filters. A/S/L! Anyone wanna chat. :D :D

By: desjardins

desjardins — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 11:58:16 -0800

I'm a squirrel looking for a nut.

By: buzzman

buzzman — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 13:32:12 -0800

MeTa is grey,
MeFi is blue,
If I was a server,
I'd ping all of you!

By: horsewithnoname

horsewithnoname — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 13:45:52 -0800

Ooo, Madlibs! I am a DESERT looking for A HORSE WITH NO NAME.

So, DESERT. Is there any Italian in you?

By: solotoro

solotoro — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:04:13 -0800

are images allowed in profiles? I forget

Only if they're grandfathered in.

I don't think I'd personally opt in to DoMe, because having and empty MeMail box is depressing enough. But I think it's a cool idea. There are lots of neat people here.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:25:39 -0800

I am an accident looking for somewhere to happen

By: sparkletone

sparkletone — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:34:37 -0800

I am just an animal looking for a home.

By: bitter-girl.com

bitter-girl.com — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:40:13 -0800

kittens for breakfast, come on! This would be a fabulous, fabulous way to find your very own kickass adorable knitting comic book-tolerant type!¹

DO WANT!

1) note, I am a kickass adorable knitting comic book-tolerant type, but I'm already dating kittens' best friend.
2) why I stopped being a stockbroker ;)

By: phoque

phoque — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:46:27 -0800

Metaflirter.

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:48:57 -0800

omg! i've known so many kickass adorable comics who knitted, but none of them have been book-tolerant! i think i'm in lurve!

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:12:56 -0800

kittens for breakfast, come on! This would be a fabulous, fabulous way to find your very own kickass adorable knitting comic book-tolerant type!

I think that's your type, actually. My type, as I'm sure you know, is sexy lady cops who have a commanding attitude but who secretly wish to be "ravished." Ravished...by "scare quotes"!

"Ravished" hard.

By: iamkimiam

iamkimiam — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:33:04 -0800

I am kim I am, looking for a no name man to eat my green eggs and ham.

By: bitter-girl.com

bitter-girl.com — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:35:45 -0800

I keep TELLING you, my dear little kitten, that you NEED a knitter, they're the only ones who understand STASH. Do what me and the mister do -- I say nothing about the stacks of comic books, he says nothing about the piles of yarn and everyone's happy.

As for the scare-quote ravishing, well, I can't help you there. ;)

Besides, your cat needs a "mama" who has lots of yarn, it's only fair. (Hey! wait! those were technically scare quotes! given that the term "mama" is fairly loaded in a girlfriend-y context).

Now, what if you could find a hot lady cop who knitted in the patrol car and would let you play with her gun? How's that for a compromise?

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:52:37 -0800

T'hell with dating: when's there gonna be a subsite for pornos made by Mefites?

By: kittens for breakfast

kittens for breakfast — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:59:18 -0800

I keep TELLING you, my dear little kitten, that you NEED a knitter, they're the only ones who understand STASH.

See, you guys have this stash problem because you insist on dragging those ratty little 20th C relics home every week. I have BOOKSHELVES, okay. Bookshelves like a grownup. It's not a problem. I can think of no such solutions to your yarn issue, however! Other than, I don't know, not filling your house with yarn. But that won't happen, will it? Will it?! I thought as much.

Anyway, I think MetaFilter may actually be the worst dating pool of all time. The endless overanalysis of everything, ever, is a desirable trait in a message board; less so in one's mate. Which is exactly why I think this idea is awesome. (For other people.)

By: UbuRoivas

UbuRoivas — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:00:57 -0800

Now, what if you could find a hot lady ~~cop~~ bad lieutenant who knitted in the patrol car and would let you play with her gun?

Much better compromise.

By: team lowkey

team lowkey — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:29:29 -0800

Not to re-rail this thread, but I think a lot of the squeamishness about this idea is the very real way that interactions which have a potential for dating are different from those that don't. It's very likely to change the dynamic of the site, and probably not in a good way. I think it's kind of like how an office environment has to discourage dating, even if there's no real rules against it. Sure people date coworkers all the time, and it can be fine (or it can be disastrous), but the default is not to treat your co-workers as possible partners. Everyone is supposed to just be judged on their ideas and their actions, regardless of whether you think they are hot or not. This not only discourages unwelcome overtures and inappropriate public behavior, but means that when people do hook up, they generally keep it discrete and know to keep their personal life out of their professional interactions. No one would ever think that it would be a good idea for an employer to ask if you'd like to participate in a dating pool, even as simple as a personals bulletin board in the coffee room. The lines between professional and personal relations would be blurred. People would respond to you differently based just on whether you choose to participate; not to mention whatever things you opened up about in your ad.

I understand that MeFi isn't as uptight as an office and there is a social networking aspect to it, but it should be left at the level that it is now. Just like in an office environment, people get together for drinks, and there's flirting and dating going on, but it's not the focus of why we're here. Making it an option to use the site in that way would change the interactions. It seems especially out of place when we're told on every page to keep discussion about the topic at hand and not about other members of the site. We're here to share ideas, not to attack or woo each other. If someone puts something personal in their profile about what they are looking for in a partner, even something seemingly innocuous, don't you think people will treat them differently? That they will judge the person and not their comments?

And as stavros so eloquently put it; "the lustmonkey messes shit up". Even on an opt-in basis, people will behave differently. Not just by making sure their posts are less inflammatory in order to not scare off potential mates, but also in subtler ways. Say a bunch of members that you've been kind of crushing on for a while opt-in to DateMe. You see that as an open invitation to ask them out. You're rejected by them. You're an adult, you can handle it, everything's cool, but how are you going to interact with them in the future? Where there would have previously been playfulness and respect, will there now be apathy or scorn? And how will they treat you now that they know you're interested? Where there was once lively discussion, will you now just ignore each other?

Or what if DaShiv decides, since the option is right there, to try asking out some of the ladies who have been flirting with him? Turns out they just liked the flirting, not the Shiv. The flirting stops, he's embarrassed, and he just doesn't feel like hanging out at MetaFilter so much anymore. The community loses a valued member. (No offense intended to you personally, of course, DaShiv. Just an example of how things could go wrong).

It just seems like a Pandora's box to me. This has the potential to damage the community in irreparable ways, without having a great added value. If people want to date, they already can. Changing the site to better accommodate dating... well... it changes the site to better accommodate dating. That's not why the site is good, and this would probably detract from why the site is good.

But... what the hell. Give it a try. There's no doubt it will be entertaining.

(Crap. I ended up bean-plating and Ethereal-Blighing the whole thing. Good thing this ain't a dating site).

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:38:24 -0800

"Everyone is supposed to just be judged on their ideas and their actions, regardless of whether you think they are hot or not."

That sounds like something an ugly person would say.