Comments on: The nice way to say no is no, thank you.

The nice way to say no is no, thank you.

anaelith — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:51:51 -0800

You, sir, are being a jerk.

She gave you the easiest way out she possibly could, and instead of giving her a straight answer you waffled and then proceeded to (inadvertently) play with her heart, which could lead her to assume that you're toying with her for the lulz, enjoying the attention even though you know you aren't interested, and are in general being a jerk. DON'T DO THAT. A polite, straightforward "no thank you" is never an insulting reply to a straightforward question (it might be not the answer she wanted, but that's not your problem). Waffling, on the other hand, is your problem--and is about as insulting as you can get. To fix this mess: Tell her immediately that you've been thinking about it and you're really not up for a relationship, but that you enjoy her friendship and are sorry that it took this long to tell her. (Whew. And because I feel a lot better after typing that all out, I have been there and done that, and not only did I hurt the person that I was trying to be kind to, I hurt myself even more when I realized what a jerk I'd been. I know that "letting someone down easy" looks like the logical, kind way to do things, but really, no. Save your future self, avoid prolonging this experience.)

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:57:39 -0800

Thank goodness you posted this angry rant here instead of a thoughtful, well-considered response in the Ask thread where it might have helped.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:58:09 -0800

Seems to me this could just as easily have been an answer in the AskMe thread, rather than a whole new MeTa.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:58:42 -0800

Or, what fandango_matt said.

By: sergeant sandwich

sergeant sandwich — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:00:10 -0800

i was hoping the more inside was going to be a chastisement of rhizome's dumb non-answer, but this? this is even dumber.

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:00:55 -0800

To think we almost went a whole day (during the week, no less) without an angry MeTa.

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:03:12 -0800

Thank god you posted this to Meta, instead of just sending it to him via Mefimail.

By: anaelith

anaelith — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:05:43 -0800

Unfortunately, I've really got no interest in writing out a thoughtful, well-considered response that answers the question, so this is what you guys get instead. Sorry for, uh, killing the statistics? Or something.

By: null terminated

null terminated — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:07:49 -0800

You should post this to the blue for the triumvirate.

By: eyeballkid

eyeballkid — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:11:04 -0800

Then cortex could write a ditty about it and post it to MefiMusic.

By: Phire

Phire — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:13:00 -0800

Not interested in writing out a thoughtful response cause that would actually do the guy some good, and ruin the whole "spiteful" thing, right?

Don't get me wrong, I totally concur with everything you've said, and have been on the receiving end of crap like that. But seriously, MefiMail?

By: waraw

waraw — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:13:39 -0800

What a fool believes, no wise man has the power to reason away.

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:15:09 -0800

posted by anaelith Unfortunately, I've really got no interest in writing out a thoughtful, well-considered response that answers the question, so this is what you guys get instead. Sorry for, uh, killing the statistics? Or something.

Translation:

"Instead of being helpful, I'd rather be an asshole."

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:15:11 -0800

You're pointing to some kid and yelling, "Hey everyone, this guy's an idiot!!!"

DON'T DO THAT.

By: benzo8

benzo8 — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:16:18 -0800

$DEITY $CURSE you all to $NEGATIVELOCATION. Now I can't get any sleep tonight until this pans out...

:: grumbles ::

By: dhammond

dhammond — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:17:58 -0800

Thank goodness you posted this angry rant here instead of a thoughtful, well-considered response in the Ask thread where it might have helped.

If you don't know the answer, don't answer the question. It's that simple.

By: konolia

konolia — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:20:35 -0800

Well, the kid really is being an idiot, and the op here took it to the Meta like a good little Mefite instead of pooping in the thread.

Metafilter: Where people will find something to complain about, no matter what.

By: joseph_elmhurst

joseph_elmhurst — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:22:58 -0800

Unfortunately, I've really got no interest in writing out a thoughtful, well-considered response that answers the question

Things I read piss me off that much sometimes, too. That's when I know I should probably back away for a bit and not let my anger get the best of me.

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:26:25 -0800

Quite the contrary, I, Sir or madame, am being a pony.

By: peacay

peacay — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:26:26 -0800

anaelith, this was unnecessary. All your points were addressed by people in the AskMe thread (and giving the original poster a little bit of feedback as to the likely downside to the meta-meta-song game seems entirely appropriate, even if it is tangential to directly answering their question). I think you should email one of the mods and ask them to close this thread.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:26:38 -0800

I decided to answer the question. There's a good answer.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:29:00 -0800

the kid really is being an idiot

Such is their nature. So why the callout?

By: Rock Steady

Rock Steady — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:29:01 -0800

I actually think this post would be a fine answer to the question. I know the whole "attack the premise of the question" style answer is a tricky line to tread, but his question boils down to

What song (what good song) says "I'm not ready for a relationship" in just the right way?

And your answer is "None of them". That's fair.

By: amro

amro — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:29:06 -0800

Honestly, you would think that knowing the pile-on that happens in half the MeTa threads, one would put a bit more thought and consideration into making a MeTa post.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:29:07 -0800

By: Brandon Blatcher

Brandon Blatcher — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:31:09 -0800

so this is what you guys get instead.

Waitress! There's a fly in soup!

By: CKmtl

CKmtl — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:31:53 -0800

The general response to this call-out isn't unexpected, but is it symmetric?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:32:10 -0800

Also, this may be the first straight male college freshman I've ever encountered turning away a girl who obviously digs him. At his age, I should've had such problems.

By: scody

scody — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:35:08 -0800

I'm going over to the ~~other~~ gray side / Happy to ~~have~~ post, not to ~~have~~ post not / ~~Big business~~ The hive mind is very wise...

By: sidereal

sidereal — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:35:43 -0800

I enjoyed this post.

By: sidereal

sidereal — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:38:15 -0800

(for personal reasons)

By: Burhanistan

Burhanistan — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:41:19 -0800

The carousel at the abandoned amusement park had finally stopped spinning. The local children slept peacefully, thinking that the haunted ride would spin no more, blaring its ghastly yet oddly festive dirge. But, to their simultaneous shock and disgust but also barely concealed wunderlust, the old carousel again whirred to life. The same carnal mounts bobbed up and down, up and down, up and down, as they were revolved around on the filthy grey platform back to there original starting point again and again. All the while, the trance inducing blare of the festive ghastly dirge enticing the children to again mount the rotten old animals and submit to the illusion of changing perspectives as the carousel went round, cutting a subtle neat circular hole deep into the lowest regions of Hell.

By: Count Ziggurat

Count Ziggurat — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:42:10 -0800

I feel a lot better after typing that all out, I hve been there and done that, and
MeTa is not your personal diary.

By: Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America

Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:51:18 -0800

No, I think she's being a jerk.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:54:25 -0800

Here's the deal: I think this is a flat abuse of a MeTa callout. It's one thing to bring it up if you think a question is bad or breaks the guidelines, and in such cases, it sometimes helps to link to MeTa in the thread. But it's by no means always helpful to post a link to a new MeTa post in-thread. In fact, sometimes it's a very, very bad idea.

Like here. If this was just a way to get around the guideline that says you can't accost the asker just because you don't like them by linking to the comment you wanted to make rather than making it yourself in the thread, it's bullshit. I think the link to MeTa in-thread should be deleted.

Seriously, if you're not allowed to say this stuff in the thread, why the fuck are you allowed to open a new MeTa for the sole purpose of linking this harangue in the thread? This shouldn't be allowed. If it's a bad question, call it out. If it isn't, let it stand. But for god's sake, let's please not let people say whatever the fuck they want in AskMe just by posting about it in MeTa and then linking their post.

What would we do if people started linking to random shit in AskMe, or to comments on their own blogs about how the questions being asked are stupid or berating the posters? We'd delete them. I don't see how this is any different. anaelith's sole comment in that thread, a link to this MeTa, should be deleted.

By: 1

Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:55:35 -0800

hahahahahaha you are SO INVESTED in this college freshman drama!

maybe you should swipe her in for dinner on your meal card so you guys can talk about it!

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:57:03 -0800

anaelith: Unfortunately, I've really got no interest in writing out a thoughtful, well-considered response that answers the question, so this is what you guys get instead. Sorry for, uh, killing the statistics? Or something.

You can't just say whatever the hell you want to anybody in AskMe using the handy trick of linking to it. If you wanted to say this, why the fuck did you link to this post in the AskMe thread? If it was here, at least it wouldn't disrupt the flow of what's going on there. Unless you meant to disrupt the flow of what's going on there.

By: katillathehun

katillathehun — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 16:57:43 -0800

Well, hey, at least Steven C. Den Beste was spot-on!