Comments on: Embrace this new feature, and take it to where it needs to go, where the world clamors for it to go -- OPTIONAL HYPOTHETICAL FILTER

Embrace this new feature, and take it to where it needs to go, where the world clamors for it to go -- OPTIONAL HYPOTHETICAL FILTER

John Kenneth Fisher — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:46:02 -0800

Matthew: For a long time, I have been sad at the loss of HypotheticalFilter. When AskMe was young, such questions would arise. But those days are gone now, as the site matured. It's simply not done, you'd say. It floods the page with nonsense. It makes the real questions get lost. Still, I thought, I want to know how to dispose of a body, or how long we'd survive without the sun. Who would win in a fight? A squirrel, or a squirrel's weight in ants?

But it was your site, sir, and you merely allow me to use it. So I muddled through, saddened, but understanding. But today, Matthew, today things have changed. We are being encouraged to ALTER ASKME TO OUR WHIMS. I don't CARE about sports! I LOVE Law and Government! RelationshipFilter sickens me, and I will not have it! RelationshipFilter is crack that I want, nay, NEED in my life. Perhaps, just perhaps, now that we have the seeds of a customizable interface, and can play with categories to our ever-changing desires, perhaps now is the time to introduce a new category - one for hypotheticals! John embraces them, wants to see more of them. Wishes to spend his workday debating Spider-Man versus She-Ra. You, Matthew, shun this, and see it as the ruin of civilization. Until today, I could never win that argument, for you ARE Metafilter Network, LLC, and if only one of us can be happy, it must be you. No one would debate this. But now, now Matthew, it is no longer a binary choice between our wishes. Embrace this new feature, and take it to where it needs to go, where the world clamors for it to go -- OPTIONAL HYPOTHETICAL FILTER. Off by default, if you wish, waiting, lurking, for your legions of hypothetical-loving denizens to leap into gleefully. I believe in HypotheticalFilter. I believe in Metafilter. but most of all, Matthew, I believe in YOU. Give me that checkbox, and I promise you, I will click it, oh I will click it with all of my heart. What say you, sir, what say you?

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:50:00 -0800

Go to BBQ. It's made for this. AskMe is not. Matt's at the zoo.

By: necessitas

necessitas — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:50:48 -0800

I hate when people use this ridiculous style. Sir, matthew, blah, blah, blah. Just write out your issue like a normal person.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:52:58 -0800

I hate it when raspberry seeds get stuck between my back teeth. It's really annoying. Fuck!

By: delmoi

delmoi — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:53:05 -0800

I'd like that too, but it probably won't happen.

By: chrisamiller

chrisamiller — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:53:17 -0800

Just because the MyAsk interface is there, doesn't mean most people will use it. What you get, then, is still the same problem of crap questions cluttering up the front page.

I understand that you don't see these questions as crap, but I'm interested in helping people out, not watching nerd fights about comic books fall victim to Godwin's Law.

By: Big_B

Big_B — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:55:16 -0800

What kind of ants are we talking about? Because fire ants would automatically win.

By: John Kenneth Fisher

John Kenneth Fisher — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:55:28 -0800

Go to BBQ. It's made for this. AskMe is not. Matt's at the zoo.

True, but with this change, I see no reason it COULDN'T be brought back into the site. All of the objections to it seem to no longer be valid, if we're starting to implement customization (even if it's in basic stages at this point)

I hate when people use this ridiculous style. Sir, matthew, blah, blah, blah. Just write out your issue like a normal person.

Yeah, me too. I'm just bored, and felt like being melodramatic. I still believe in the point though.

By: John Kenneth Fisher

John Kenneth Fisher — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:56:15 -0800

Just because the MyAsk interface is there, doesn't mean most people will use it. What you get, then, is still the same problem of crap questions cluttering up the front page.

Hence off by default. Let people select them if they want them. I will, many people will. more probably won't.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 08:59:42 -0800

We could also implement an opt-in "vicious pileons" line item and allow people who want that sort of thing to see it and thereby encourage folks to do that sort of thing in AskMe, but that doesn't seem like a very good idea either, for similar reasons. There's a long history behind discouraging chatfilter on AskMe, not because we hate what if questions but because explicitly condoning it on the site is a path to a great big messy useless future for AskMe. Adding a filtering option that probably only 10% of AskMe regulars will use a lot doesn't functionally change that.

By: special-k

special-k — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:01:01 -0800

I think what you are asking for is another askme (perhaps a link at the top) but only for hypothetical stuff.

So hypofilter.

And the guidelines for that should be modified appropriately.
Please limit your answers to wisecracks. Real answers do not apply here.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:03:15 -0800

I think what you are asking for is another askme (perhaps a link at the top) but only for hypothetical stuff

MeCha does this kind of thing reall well. Check it out some time.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:04:11 -0800

HypotheticalFilter: If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most?

I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

By: John Kenneth Fisher

John Kenneth Fisher — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:04:47 -0800

There's a long history behind discouraging chatfilter on AskMe, not because we hate what if questions but because explicitly condoning it on the site is a path to a great big messy useless future for AskMe.

Is that still valid though if it's explicitly labeled and opt-in? I can see that when ask me was a monolithic entity, that chipping away at it with goofiness injures the whole, but a specific category seems to contain it quite well, in my opinion, especially if opt-in... Eh, I'm over commenting in my own thread. Sorry about that.

By: yhbc

yhbc — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:07:33 -0800

I wish I could use "Matt's at the zoo" as an all-purpose excuse in my line of work.

"Where's my tax returns?"

"Matt's at the zoo."

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:09:01 -0800

Could Jonathan make a MetaTalk post so egregiously melodramatic, that he himself cannot flag it?

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:09:17 -0800

I see no reason it COULDN'T be brought back into the site.

- The main AskMe view is still "all the questions" and that's not likely to change. We're not adding an "off by default" option, it goes against the "everyone sees everything unless they decide not to" general policy here. "opt in" to unfilter something is not going to happen.
- Chatty questions dilute the usefulness of the subsite as a whole as a place to get answers
- We don't want to moderate chatfilter, it's really unmoderateable, we don't want to make the changes necessary to the site or guidelines to make this something we could moderate
- AskMe does a specific thing very very well. It does not need to do everything. The thing you want to do can be done many many other places on the internet, including many that are populated with a large number of MeFi members.

You're asking about changing a major site guideline for something that even by your own account isn't likely to be used much. This isn't about whether it could happen but about whether it will. It won't. I don't know any more friendly way to say this, but there are few things that mathowie, cortex and I absolutely agree on, but this is one of them.

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:09:43 -0800

Hey Commish, where's Matt?

By: caddis

caddis — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:12:30 -0800

I'm with JKF on this one.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:13:08 -0800

Is that still valid though if it's explicitly labeled and opt-in?

I think it is, yeah. It's kind of the kill-file problem in reverse: stuff either is okay on the site or it isn't, and trying to have it both ways makes it close to impossible to actually enforce guidelines. I think that maintaining some official duality where such and such isn't allowed except that it is but only if you're looking at it in the spot where it's allowed sounds like a nightmare.

In a sense, we already have that problem with somewhat differing rubber-meets-road limits of permissability between the blue and the green and the grey. That's something that's grown up out of the traditional roles of the different sites, and while they're all Metafilter they're also all three somewhat distinct site cultures. Doubly so with the green, where the guidelines are more preventative and well-defined as compared to the more corrective guidelines of the blue and the grey where more or less anything (but self-linking) goes unless it's really out of line.

But handling the differing feel of the guidelines across the three major subsites is one thing; handling a split in how the guidelines of askme applies depending on whether or not you've clicked a specific box, and managing the inevitable drift of that newly-condoned behavior to realms outside of magic checkbox territory, sounds really really awful and kind of counterproductive to the work that's gone into making the green work over the last few years.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:16:24 -0800

This is kind of a neat idea in the same way that Twinkies are kind of a neat food. I fucking love Twinkies. At the same time, if I walk into some high-class Eritrean restaurant, and say "Oh you guys should totally add Twinkies to your menu," there's probably not gonna be a lot of other customers shouting in agreement.

John, this is my way of saying come on over to my place, and we'll eat Twinkies and surf Big Big Question and listen to some records, it'll be great.

By: French Fry

French Fry — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:22:14 -0800

This is what BigBigQuestion is for. Perhaps you are unaware as you didn't mention it.
So uh check it out.

Right Here

By: dersins

dersins — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:27:13 -0800

Matt's at the zoo

Is this a metaphor for Metatalk?

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:33:12 -0800

Is this a metaphor for Metatalk?

Do you see him here? No he is at the IRL zoo looking at IRL chimps and such. Unlike me.

By: plexi

plexi — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:37:11 -0800

Hypothetical questions are entertaining, but not useful.

By: nebulawindphone

nebulawindphone — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:38:20 -0800

PSYCHIATRIC HELP 5¢.

THE DOCTOR IS ( AT | NOT AT ) THE ZOO.

By: slimepuppy

slimepuppy — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:38:21 -0800

Fire ants, Big_B? Bullet ants beat the fuck out of fire ants.

By: A Long and Troublesome Lameness

A Long and Troublesome Lameness — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:39:58 -0800

Matt's at the zoo

I think this expression is a nice improvement on out of pocket.

By: sciurus

sciurus — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:44:23 -0800

Squirrel, duh.

By: dabitch

dabitch — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:46:46 -0800

Ants, duh.

By: special-k

special-k — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:48:53 -0800

Here's a question for future hypofilter:

If two '87 Chevy trucks with gun racks and Calvin pissing on Fords stickers in their rear windows are headed in opposite directions at 68 mph on an unpaved county road, how long does it take to buy a case of Miller lite from a secular humanist named Ishmael in Kansas on a Tuesday?

By: breezeway

breezeway — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:52:29 -0800

How long would it take for a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:55:08 -0800

So to go with Big Big Question, who wants to help me start 'Fiddly, Fiddly Question'?

BBQ seems to be going for the big whoah questions, but Fiddly Fiddly Question could target little questions like:

- How far from the edge of a table should a glass of liquid be to be 'safe' from falling off?
- Is it better to have a poop that wipes clean on the first try or one that makes your pants fit better?
- If species of trees had distinct personalities, would a Maple be friendly? Would it get along with an Oak?
- If Ben Reilly was alive today, would he be an Avenger or a Defender?
- My toe itches.
- If I met my genetic duplicate, would I instantly like him or fear him? What if I was the duplicate?
- If you were a genie, how literal would you be when granting wishes?

˙ǝsɐǝld 'ɹǝʇlıɟ ʇɐɥɔ ou ˙ƃuıopun ɹnoʎ ʞǝǝs puɐ noʎ ɹɐǝɟ plnoʍ ǝɥ ʇnq 'ǝʇɐɔıldnp ǝɥʇ oʇ puıʞ ǝq plnoʍ noʎ ˙ʇı ɥɔʇɐɹɔs ˙ɹǝpuǝɟǝp ˙sʞɹǝɾ ǝɹɐ sʞɐo ʇnq 'sǝʎ ˙sʇuɐd ƃuıʇʇıɟ ɹǝʇʇǝq ˙ɥʇpıʍspuɐɥ ǝuo :sɹǝʍsuɐ

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:58:43 -0800

So to go with Big Big Question, who wants to help me start 'Fiddly, Fiddly Question'?

I know it's a helplessly compromising species of brand drift, but I really wouldn't mind that sort of thing over at the BBQ either. I think the "Big Big" thing can work nicely both as an earnest appeal toward what-iffery and philsophical moon-shooting, and as an ironic nod to the essentially dispensible nature of many of the questions we nonetheless sometimes find ourselves yearning to ask.

By: not_on_display

not_on_display — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 09:59:33 -0800

^Three.

I look at MeCha for all my hoppytheticals.

By: ericb

ericb — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:32:59 -0800

At The Zoo.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:35:33 -0800

I just went to a barbeque, and nobody could answer my question about squirrel vs. ants.

By: WalterMitty

WalterMitty — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:54:50 -0800

You'd have to go to a real zoo to see real chimps, but there's plenty of virtual chimps in this zoo.

Ants ftw. Some ants eat anything that moves. Squirrels eat nuts. Unless you've got ants that look and move and talk like nuts, the ants're going to win.

By: booticon

booticon — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:55:52 -0800

Yeah, I feel like it would be a Neat Thing to have, but I think it's a bad idea for the reasons that cortex goes over. If it's something that you have to opt-in to at MyAsk, again, that'd be neat, but if it's something that's that tucked away it probably wouldn't have the potential to grow as it's something newcomers probably wouldn't ever see.

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:00:31 -0800

I vote to include hypothetical filter. I love it.

If we're voting.

By: loiseau

loiseau — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:02:27 -0800

I smell fedoras.

By: blue_beetle

blue_beetle — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:04:43 -0800

Not only do I support this idea, I embrace it. Embrace it HARD. So HARD perhaps, that it begins to choke. And then I laugh.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:15:17 -0800

I'd say answers.yahoo.com is a great example of why rules against posting any idle curiosity you might have is a good idea but more importantly ask mefi works because it is small enough to be manageable and if I had the desire to grow a huge database of these things and build ways to hide it from most, I would but I prefer small, useful, and manageable.

By: ALongDecember

ALongDecember — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:16:25 -0800

How was the zoo?

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:16:42 -0800

I enjoy typing things.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:23:38 -0800

You can ask whatever the hell you want as long as you start your question with: I'm writing a book about..."

By: languagehat

languagehat — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:27:08 -0800

If we're voting.

We're not, thank god, but if we were, and if I set aside my anarchist principles, I'd vote against. And haul out my flamethrower.

Take your hypothetical nuts and go feed the squirrels at BBQ.

By: Cranberry

Cranberry — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:27:53 -0800

What if someone could be happy with the ability to restart the color changes? Is that the MetaFilter equivalent of bread and circuses?
/easily pleased

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:28:06 -0800

How was the zoo?
posted by ALongDecember at 2:16 PM on April 3

He's on his iphone, bitches!

By: cowbellemoo

cowbellemoo — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:33:21 -0800

If two '87 Chevy trucks with gun racks and Calvin pissing on Fords stickers in their rear windows are headed in opposite directions at 68 mph on an unpaved county road, how long does it take to buy a case of Miller lite from a secular humanist named Ishmael in Kansas on a Tuesday?

Trick Question! Ishmael only works Sundays!

By: psmealey

psmealey — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:34:58 -0800

You can ask whatever the hell you want as long as you start your question with: I'm writing a book about..."

Awesome!

I'm writing a book about superheroes... who would win in a fight? Batman or Superman?

I'm writing a book about a guy who thinks he's a nice guy and would like to continue thinking that... in view of this, should he cheat on his girlfriend with an ex if he knows that he won't get caught? And oh, he's also leading the ex on by suggesting that he's interesting in getting back together with her.

By: Astro Zombie

Astro Zombie — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:35:30 -0800

HE'S TEXTING US FROM INSIDE THE ZOO! GET OUT JILL JOHNSON AKA CAROL KANE!

By: Sangermaine

Sangermaine — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:40:32 -0800

loiseau
Thank you. I was just wondering if John Kenneth Fisher was the poster behind that fedora question. I was imagining this MeTa post in a faux European accent, in pinstripes.

robocop is bleeding
Two questions/comments:
1. If Ben Reilly was alive today, would he be an Avenger or a Defender?
It's funny you should ask that. The infamous Marvel_B0y, who still lives, has posted some more spoilers about the up-coming Secret Invasion event. It turns out that the Reilly who died at the end of the Spider-Clone saga was a Skrull (as was the Jackal, Judas Traveller, Scrier, and, oddly enough, the original Mysterio). The current Peter Parker is a human-Skrull hybrid clone created as part of the Invasion plan. There was, in fact, never a real Peter Parker. It was all false memories implanted via a move by Thanos (explained in an upcoming arc). Anyway, it turns out that all the Skrulls are really Spider-clones controlled by a returned Doom 2099. At the end, this Doom is defeated but accidentally sent back in time and deaged without his memories, where he is found as a baby and adopted by the Parkers, thus becoming Peter Parker. Finally, this Parker wakes up just prior to the point where J. Michael Straczynski took over, realizing it was all just a dream. And he's a Defender, as you rightly noted. Hope that clears it all up.

2. Sorry if this is a stupid question, but how did you do the upside-down text thing?

By: John Kenneth Fisher

John Kenneth Fisher — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:48:13 -0800

I was just wondering if John Kenneth Fisher was the poster behind that fedora question.

Not me :-)

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:52:15 -0800

Not me :-)

Have you seen his user photo? Not him.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:52:51 -0800

I'm writing a book about superheroes... who would win in a fight? Batman or Superman?

Close, but it would have to be phrased more like this:

I'm writing a book about the comparative strengths and weaknesses of many of the most popular costumed superheroes from mainstream comic books. Can anyone pinpoint for me exactly what statistics would be relevant in a battle between batman and superman, (such as relative strength/speed/intelligence/wealth, etc...) and what the values would be for those statistics? Bonus points for tips on individual hero combat strategies and likely environmental limitations given the resources of either combatant. (for example, batman could convince superman to meet him in a cave with a rigged explosive to seal off the entrance and the cave would have a stash of kryptonite for him to get at, etc...) Thanks in advance, askme!

Yes, people do this, yes it works. You have to ask for details and allow room for exploration without seeming like it's an open ended question.

By: John Kenneth Fisher

John Kenneth Fisher — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:05:06 -0800

Not me :-)

Actually, without context, that can seem coy. Seriously, no, that one was very much not mine.

By: loiseau

loiseau — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:12:24 -0800

I have a starter fiddly question for Big Big Question: When I blow my nose, why does it always feel like air leaks out my left eye socket? My right eye feels normal. I've looked at some anatomy diagrams but can't really sort out how the two are connected and brain guts kind of freak me out.

By: heeeraldo

heeeraldo — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:18:59 -0800

There was, in fact, never a real Peter Parker. It was all false memories implanted via a move by Thanos (explained in an upcoming arc).

WHAT. THE. FUCK. MARVEL.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:22:05 -0800

Could there be a similar mechanism for rhetorical questions?

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:22:50 -0800

can't really sort out how the two are connected

Sinuses.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:30:13 -0800

I have a starter fiddly question for Big Big Question: When I blow my nose, why does it always feel like air leaks out my left eye socket?

Yes, you have some minor defect/anomaly in your sinuses. I knew a girl that could blow air bubbles out of her eyes (underwater). She was hot.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:31:01 -0800

"Sooner or later, everyone goes to the zoo."

--Sloane Peterson

By: heeeraldo

heeeraldo — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:41:32 -0800

oh, also: Batman or Superman?

Batman with preparation rolls Superman, as seen in The Dark Knight Returns. Batman unprepared would certainly lose to Superman, but - as we find out in Hush - Batman has a kryptonite ring in his belt at all times and is able to take down Superman with only a short time to strategize and well outside his element (the fight occurs in Metropolis) and so we can safely assume that Batman is ready to kick all asses at all times.

By: Metroid Baby

Metroid Baby — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:46:09 -0800

I dunno. Ever since I ate a Camry's volume in Skittles, I've lost my taste for this sort of thing.

By: Sangermaine

Sangermaine — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:59:44 -0800

heeeraldo
Uh, sorry, kidding. I thought I'd written something crazy enough to be obviously untrue, but I forgot how badly Marvel has dropped the ball of late.

By: Sangermaine

Sangermaine — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:03:45 -0800

Oh, I thought I should add, that even though I was kidding that blog I linked to, if you're not familiar with it, really does contain real spoilers about upcoming events. There's some debate about whether it's by a disgruntled Marvel employee as the author claims or whether it's a marketing ploy, but past spoilers revealed in posts or in the comments have turned out to be true, so be careful if you read it.

By: shmegegge

shmegegge — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:06:00 -0800

I haven't read superhero books in some time, but Joe Q getting shitcanned in the next 2 weeks would be just fine by me.

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:18:11 -0800

WHAT COLOR IS THE COUGAR? GOLD? NO! BROWN? NO! RED? NO! THE ANSWER IS TAWNY.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:20:27 -0800

I don't need HypotheticalFilter. I live it every day.

It's tough, being the multiverse's only counterfactual superhero.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:29:26 -0800

Batman carries a Kryptonite crucifix, so he is equally skilled at warding off Superman and vampires.

*With apologies to Steven Wright.

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:38:59 -0800

If species of trees had distinct personalities, would a Maple be friendly? Would it get along with an Oak?

No. A Maple would be like a sorority girl, and an Oak would be like your grandpa. They would outwardly tolerate one another, but each would secretly disapprove of the other's lifestyle.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 13:40:29 -0800

It's tough, being the multiverse's only counterfactual superhero.

"These yellow woods sure are creepy. I wonder—holy Heisenburg!"
"What is it, Schroedingirl?"
"There, up by that fork in the path! Gosh, Captain Quantum, I think it's a body, torn in half!"
"Zounds! Avert your eyes, young compatriot—there's no cause for you to be troubled by this ghastly sight."
"But what happened here, CQ?"
"Indecision got the better of my old nemesis, it appears."
"Wait, th-th-the Frostman?"
"The very same. May god have or have not mercy on your soul, Robert."
"But in school—he said he took the road less traveled!"
"Poetic license, faithful squire. Never trust rhymed meter."

By: Ironmouth

Ironmouth — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:21:07 -0800

You totally posted this just to get the answer to the squirrel/ant question.

The answer is the ants are more deadly. . . .and

. . . the plane takes off, the conveyor belt doesn't change anything.

By: mathowie

mathowie — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:44:09 -0800

The zoo sucked. About half of the exhibits and paths are closed for construction which I could understand a few months ago being the dead of winter and all, but it's springtime yo, and the place was packed but it's still running half-closed and half-empty exhibits. Total ripoff for out-of-towners looking for a nice quiet place to see animals.

By: Wolfdog

Wolfdog — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 14:47:22 -0800

So now I have this vision of my grandfather and a sorority girl being kept equal, whatever that would mean, by hatchet, axe, and saw.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:01:14 -0800

About half of the exhibits and paths are closed for construction

This is pretty much my experience every single time I go to the damn zoo. It's like being in Big Dig-era Boston.

Also, it's weird how much the place has changed. I worked there part-time for a summer back in 1992 or 1993, and got to know the layout of the place pretty well from both the exhibit side and the secret maintenance areas. And then I wasn't there for years, because, well, angsty girl-related memories and having red-lined my "being around pygmy goat shit" gauge.

And going backa few years ago, damn. They changed the whole flow of the place. It's more of a maze, a lot less of a plaza feel than it used to have (with pretty wide, see-for-a-good-ways thoroughfares). The overall structure is mostly the same, but so much of the detail has gotten closer (and more [faux-]naturalistic) that it doesn't seem like the same zoo so much as a new zoo that recycled most of the old exhibits. Which I guess may have been the point—it reminds me, now, more of my visit years ago to the San Diego Zoo than it did in the state it had been in when I actually went to the San Diego Zoo, and you don't really fuck with the SDZ so mission accomplished or whatever.

But still. I think we can all agree that zoo-based girl-angst is a powerful thing, is what I'm getting at.

By: found missing

found missing — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:05:37 -0800

Metafilter: Total ripoff for out-of-towners looking for a nice quiet place to see animals

that just never gets old

By: paulsc

paulsc — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:08:16 -0800

"I'd say answers.yahoo.com is a great example of why rules against posting any idle curiosity you might have is a good idea but more importantly ask mefi works because it is small enough to be manageable and if I had the desire to grow a huge database of these things and build ways to hide it from most, I would but I prefer small, useful, and manageable."
posted by mathowie at 2:15 PM on April 3

The interesting thing about Yahoo! Answers for people wanting this kind of thing, is The Yahoo! User Interface Library (YUI), which let's people build filters and site views of their own choosing. So, a person wanting HypotheticalFilter can build it (within the limits of the APIs Yahoo is exposing, some of which are admittedly beta quality), without really getting lost in the much bigger stream of collective conciousness that is Yahoo! Answers, compared to AskMe. And for the committed HypoNaut, there's that vaunted treasure trove of 30 million answers already in the can over there, which is, hypothetically, gold, for the determined data miner HypoNaut.

By: quin

quin — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:14:51 -0800

I have a question:

If I was swallowed alive by a sufficiently large animal, and I was wearing an airtank so suffocation wouldn't be a problem, how difficult would it be to free myself by clawing my way out of the stomach? For the sake of argument, let's assume that I was armed with a 3" bladed pocket knife and had a flashlight.

As an unrelated question, how long could I expect an iPhone to continue working and providing internet access after having been swallowed by a very large carnivore?

Let's, just for the sake of argument, say that this was an urgent question, and I needed to know... now.

By: andythebean

andythebean — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:21:47 -0800

quin, this might help answer your question.

By: Dr. Curare

Dr. Curare — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:11:59 -0800

By swallowed alive, do you mean still breathing, but with all your bones broken, or alive and whole?

In the case of being whole and able to move, with a 3" knife, it could take you less than a minute. Just look at a butcher gutting an animal.

By: the littlest brussels sprout

the littlest brussels sprout — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:18:14 -0800

Seems like you would need goggles, too. Digestive belly juices, and such.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:38:24 -0800

"As an unrelated question, how long could I expect an iPhone to continue working and providing internet access after having been swallowed by a very large carnivore?"

I would call that a very related question.

But that's just me. Here. Outside of a large carnivore.

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:45:54 -0800

We're not, thank god, but if we were, and if I set aside my anarchist principles, I'd vote against. And haul out my flamethrower.

I had an anarchist principal in high school. Gym class was awesome.

By: Fuzzy Skinner

Fuzzy Skinner — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:48:28 -0800

Frank.

By: flabdablet

flabdablet — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:52:41 -0800

ǝpoɔıun+uʍop+ǝpısdn=b¿ɥɔɹɐǝs\ɯoɔ˙ǝʃƃooƃ˙ʍʍʍ\\:dʇʇɥ :ǝuıɐɯɹǝƃuɐS

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:54:19 -0800

Seems like you would need goggles, too.

Actually, they don't do a whole lot.

By: Sys Rq

Sys Rq — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:56:57 -0800

Indeed, I believe they do nothing.

By: small_ruminant

small_ruminant — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:08:17 -0800

Take your hypothetical nuts and go feed the squirrels at BBQ.

You think I don't already? I work in Berkeley. I talk to the people to hang out all day at Peets! But I want more. Anyway, they've had the same hypothetical questions every day for the 8 years I've worked here.

By: trip and a half

trip and a half — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:28:37 -0800

Zoos make me sad.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 18:45:52 -0800

Don't worry, they'll let you out someday.

(sorry, too easy)

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:48:05 -0800

Actually, cortex, I was thinking more like a superhero detective, whose job it is to explore failed alternative universes to find out what would have happened "if only..."

Less gee-whiz, more wistful loneliness. Like visiting Earth after the sun has died. The superpowers part is more to help him survive the travel.

Yours is funnier, though.

By: JujuB

JujuB — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 20:55:31 -0800

If I was swallowed alive by a sufficiently large animal, and I was wearing an airtank so suffocation wouldn't be a problem, how difficult would it be to free myself by clawing my way out of the stomach? For the sake of argument, let's assume that I was armed with a 3" bladed pocket knife and had a flashlight.

Just run around and around until you're all pooped out.

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 23:17:12 -0800

You know, there's kind of a cosmic irony about Matt being at the zoo when we get the question re-raised on MeTa about whether bears or monkeys would win in a fight for global domination. Which is really what this question about HypotheticalFilter is all about.

Its what any question about HypotheticalFilter is all about.

By: cortex

cortex — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 23:22:34 -0800

Less gee-whiz, more wistful loneliness.

Ooh. "Neither Here Noir There"

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:26:39 -0800

What? Someone needs to make an FPP about that Marvel stuff. That's insane.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 07:31:26 -0800

Ooh. "Neither Here Noir There"

Now you got it.