Comments on: I need crack.

I need crack.

twirlypen — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 02:13:48 -0800

At some point today, lost in the webs of metafilter, I came across a link to a page where a guy described seeing two men share a crack pipe then have sex with each other. There were photos too. I, ah, need to find it again. It's for a friend, I swear.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:20:39 -0800

Maybe you got there from a blinking banner ad you saw while searching for a Photoshop CS2 serial crack?

No, I have no experience searching for crackz.

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:23:46 -0800

Can't find it on metafilter, but here...

By: BrotherCaine

BrotherCaine — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:24:18 -0800

Ew.

By: blacklite

blacklite — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:28:02 -0800

Every time I feel like I understand how thoroughly Metafilter always delivers when a request is made, something like this happens and makes me reset the gauges.

I'd make some sort of comment about the contents of BrotherCaine's link, but I don't think there is anything... sayable there.

By: bunnytricks

bunnytricks — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:30:24 -0800

If you can't find that particular recount of a bacchanal, this one has a similar theme.

By: bunnytricks

bunnytricks — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:31:29 -0800

Oh god damn it, beaten during preview.

By: twirlypen

twirlypen — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:43:59 -0800

Thank you BrotherCain. And sorry to everyone else who reads it.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 03:49:28 -0800

For thoroughness, it was the first link in this post.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:24:38 -0800

For the love of god, white folks. It's WACK. As in WACKED out. WACKY. WHACK is the noise the flat of your hand makes when you slap it against a table.

Now write "CRACK IS WACK." 500× on the blackboard, or I'll whack you with a ruler.

By: Jofus

Jofus — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:30:11 -0800

This is pretty much what the expression "Dude, WTF?" was invented to describe.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:31:10 -0800

And while we're at it, it's WHOA. Woah is "woe-ah". Appending an h breaks the "oa" diphthong by stressing the a. The a is not aspirated; the w is. You don't have to pronounce it "hwoa", but for the love of god "WO-AH" makes no sense.

By: Greg Nog

Greg Nog — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:35:55 -0800

I prefer "Crack is whack" to "Crack is wack" because I like being to enunciate that "h" while I say the phrase. "Crack is whack," I say, nodding sagaciously and sipping a fine cognac.

By: liquorice

liquorice — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:39:08 -0800

Less than a minute after they left, the guy that lives in the house across the alley pulls up in his car and takes several shopping bags out and places them directly where the action had taken place. I am not sure if he could feel us watching him or if he could smell ass crack and crack, but he stood there for awhile looking puzzled.

Oh, god. This is why i love MetaFilter.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 04:52:55 -0800

Holy crap I used to live within four blocks of that place...crack, you told me you'd left that neighborhood alone!

By: oxford blue

oxford blue — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 05:22:21 -0800

Perhaps it was someone recounting a recent meat-up.

*ducks to avoid rotten fruit*

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 06:40:33 -0800

In related news: candy dandy.

By: inigo2

inigo2 — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:27:03 -0800

Also, liquor quicker.
But crack ist fastest.

By: Viomeda

Viomeda — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:36:54 -0800

"Now write "CRACK IS WACK." 500× on the blackboard, or I'll whack you with a ruler."

Since we're going there, "×" does not mean "times;" it's a multiplication operator. When someone writes "I've done this 20×," it makes me want to kill a llama.

Operators without enough numbers to function correctly piss me off. It would make more sense to say "500×10," or something like that, but even "Now write 'CRACK IS WACK.' 5000 on the blackboard..." doesn't make sense, at least in the way you want it to.

By: CitrusFreak12

CitrusFreak12 — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:40:10 -0800

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:40:21 -0800

"×" does not mean "times;"

Try typing × into the comment window and see what the live preview shows you. =)

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:46:06 -0800

Operators without enough numbers to function correctly piss me off.

The world is not your mathematics lab. Such abbreviations are common in finance, marketing and other professional fields. So either allow yourself to be okay with such common shorthand or take blood pressure medication.

In either case, please leave the llamas alone.

By: Abiezer

Abiezer — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:49:24 -0800

The world is not your mathematics lab
No, it's chemistry and cock-sucking facility it appears.

By: brain_drain

brain_drain — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:50:29 -0800

Within seconds of reading the last few comments, I got a spam e-mail (made it through my filters, ugh) from Domino's advertising a "2x Tuesday Deal" -- buy one large pizza, get a second free. Creepy!

By: Karmakaze

Karmakaze — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:50:29 -0800

And then we can read about it in the New York ×.

By: Plutor

Plutor — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:51:39 -0800

psmealey: "So either allow yourself to be okay with such common shorthand or take blood pressure medication. "

Something tells me Viomeda was sarcastically over-nitpicking in order to mock Eideteker's own sarcastic nitpickery of the spelling of "woah" and "whack".

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 07:58:54 -0800

I'm entirely too literal today. Sorry, Viomedia. A 10^3 apologies.

No, it's chemistry and cock-sucking facility it appears.

I was so ready to laugh at this, but, upon a second read, I just couldn't make sense of it.

By: Reverend John

Reverend John — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:00:25 -0800

If you liked that, you might also like my favorite deleted thread, and its corresponding metatalk

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:04:03 -0800

I was so ready to laugh at this, but, upon a second read, I just couldn't make sense of it.

I think the sentence is just missing an article, psmealey. Possibly from Cosmo, though I'm not ruling out High Times.

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:12:49 -0800

Alas, the sentence will probably remain without the article indefinitely.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:19:00 -0800

You're probably right. That reminds me, I used to read Pravda in Russian just for the articles. No one believed me for some reason.

By: Eideteker

Eideteker — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:34:13 -0800

'Something tells me Viomeda was sarcastically over-nitpicking in order to mock Eideteker's own sarcastic nitpickery of the spelling of "woah" and "whack".'

Either way, it made me hot. Pedantry or sarcasm? Sounds like a win-win to me.

By: Blazecock Pileon

Blazecock Pileon — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:40:14 -0800

Wack is whack.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:41:17 -0800

HOT PEDANTAL SARGASM ACTION

By: goodnewsfortheinsane

goodnewsfortheinsane — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:47:44 -0800

You're probably right. That reminds me, I used to read Pravda in Russian just for the articles. No one believed me for some reason.

Ha, yes. Well, you know how the old Maxim goes. That's right: "Hillary Duff - from the Queen of Teen to breakout sex symbol".

By: cosmonik

cosmonik — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:50:40 -0800

Wow, that guy from Alf (in bunnytricks' link) must be one of the only crack addicts to still own a video camera, or any other small easily liquidated appliance for that matter.

By: Jofus

Jofus — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 08:52:22 -0800

The first thing I thought when i saw the thread was, "Jesus, I can almost smell that guy's cock."

Then it struck me that that's the most unpleasant thought I'd ever had.

Then I thought, I definately shouldn't post that.

And now here I am, posting it. Funny old world.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:06:18 -0800

I like how you were concerned earlier about how the site was down and it turns out this is what needed posting.

By: studentbaker

studentbaker — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:22:48 -0800

Wow, so first they do some crack, then they have butt sex, and later, they fight a yeti.

By: dawson

dawson — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:25:34 -0800

This is why I obsess about washing my hands after handling money.

By: Jofus

Jofus — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:28:36 -0800

cortex - Damn right. And that wasn't concern. That was panic.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:30:12 -0800

Wow, so first they do some crack, then they have butt sex, and later, they fight a yeti.

That's outrageous and completely immoral!!! Don't they know that the yeti are endangered?

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:45:44 -0800

"Wow, so first they do some crack, then they have butt sex ~~, and later, they fight~~ with a yeti."

That's better.

By: carsonb

carsonb — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:49:57 -0800

Don't they know that the yeti are endangered?

This is obviously how yeti are engendered.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:54:19 -0800

Sad but true. I wonder if that's how the sasquatch went as well.

By: studentbaker

studentbaker — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 09:59:01 -0800

I'm thinking a yeti wouldn't submit to butt sex without a fight. Then again, crack is a hell of a drug.

By: theiconoclast31

theiconoclast31 — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:06:43 -0800

And while we're at it, it's WHOA. Woah is "woe-ah". Appending an h breaks the "oa" diphthong by stressing the a. The a is not aspirated; the w is. You don't have to pronounce it "hwoa", but for the love of god "WO-AH" makes no sense.

It's woah, as in Noah. But with a w.

Legend states that Noah was transporting most of the animals during the day, when the sun was out and the water was hot. This was fine for animals that could float, but the unicorn's horn shifts the animal's balance and swimming becomes impossible. The unicorns realized that death was inevitable and only the ark could keep their species alive. On the final day when the waters were the most turbulent, hundreds of unicorns dove into the water. They sacrificed themselves to form a unicorn bridge for the chosen pair. But as the chosen pair approached the ark, the storms increased their fury and the waters rose. The unicorns yelled Wait Noah! as they drowned, but their voices were muffled by the crash of waves and thunder:

"Wa..oah. Wai..ah. W..oah."

By: FunkyHelix

FunkyHelix — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:13:57 -0800

Wow. After all these years I should know better than to click links in threads like these. But no. Every damn time. And yet I've managed to avoid being rickrolled. How is that possible?

By: dirtdirt

dirtdirt — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:18:59 -0800

And yet I've managed to avoid being rickrolled. How is that possible?

Well, usually to rickroll you want the link to be disguised as something that people want to see. "Jesus, I can almost smell that guy's cock" is not the first thing that springs to my mind as enticing a click.

It's like they say: you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, but to catch the most flies you need SHIT.

By: loquacious

loquacious — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:28:04 -0800

MetaTalk: chemistry and cock-sucking.

By: psmealey

psmealey — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:31:35 -0800

MetaTalk: I can almost smell that guy's cock.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:38:21 -0800

"Wa..oah. Wai..ah. W..oah."

Check your history book. They were actually saying "wimoweh"--only that night, the lion wasn't sleeping.

By: kittyprecious

kittyprecious — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:39:20 -0800

(It was EATING THE DROWNED UNICORN!!!!!thehorrorthehorror)

By: quin

quin — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:48:33 -0800

You know what really grinds my gears?

Crack.

You are walking along, minding your own business, when you look down and see it, just right there on the ground. Crack.

I mean, you want to do something to hide it, because there are kids around and you don't want anything bad to happen, but damn it, when did it become your job to police your neighborhood? Isn't that what the Department of Public Works is for? To cover up all these cracks?

What happens when a kid steps on it and breaks his mother's back? Huh? Now I've got that on my conscience.

Fucking crack.

By: Pastabagel

Pastabagel — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:51:14 -0800

Holy dear sweet Jesus and baby Jesus...

The picture of the homeowner at the end redeems the entire blog post. His expression is the perfect combination of fear, consumer frustration, and resigned apathy.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:11:28 -0800

And yet I've managed to avoid being rickrolled.

The force is strong in this one.

By: Free word order!

Free word order! — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:38:56 -0800

Holy dear sweet Jesus and baby Jesus...

Those are their street names. Sweet Jesus and Baby Jesus. Baby Jesus wears diapers, Sweet Jesus is that mellow guy who gives you crack. Why have I waited for the whole day to get home and click that link? Am I now satisfied or disappointed? Am I now closer to understanding holiness and sin? What's this weird smell?

By: Dizzy

Dizzy — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:44:01 -0800

I hear the word "crack" and I'm transported to an old Saturday Night Live sketch with Ackroyd flashing his ass at the camera, playing some kind of plumber.
Nothing gold can stay.

By: Mister_A

Mister_A — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 11:51:26 -0800

Quelle horreur!

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 12:36:17 -0800

I saw a scene really quite similar to this once, down near the River Clyde in Glasgow, only it was a man and a woman, and they were smoking heroin.

When the bloke saw me looking, he somehow misinterpreted my aghast expression for one of lust, and offered me 'a go' on the woman for £10.

Ah, memories.

By: KokuRyu

KokuRyu — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:04:44 -0800

Kind of an interesting conversation, but I wonder why this sort of thing is posted on MetaFilter. It's just gross.

By: PeterMcDermott

PeterMcDermott — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 13:07:57 -0800

Just a go on the woman, jackmo? The least he could have done was throw in a toot of his foil to sweeten the deal...

By: meehawl

meehawl — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:52:10 -0800

This craic is mighty, indeed.

By: ob

ob — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 16:40:24 -0800

Well I not only followed these links, but the old link as posted by Reverend John. My, it's been an odd ten minutes.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:20:14 -0800

Once, at the Famous Bookstore I work at. We got the bottom of a load of used books and we found a crack pipe. The seller denied it was hers. Sure thing, honey.

By: webhund

webhund — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:17:46 -0800

OK , I've checked that link out; now I need something that's the hetero-equivalent to balance things out - just to keep things on a "fair and balanced keel" - (as Fox "News" would say). TechnoViking just doesn't cut it. Anyone?

By: maxwelton

maxwelton — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 19:36:14 -0800

webhund, how about One Pup, Two Squirrels?

By: cosmonik

cosmonik — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:11:35 -0800

Every time I see examples of the desperation of crack and crystal meth addicts I think of Iced by Ray Shell, a fictional journal of a man descending into crack addiction (inb4 cortex makes 'descending into crack' joke) which recounts several such harrowing moments.

What disturbs me most is the banality of sex-for-drugs in these people's lives.

By: cortex

cortex — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 20:41:55 -0800

'descending into crack'

lol

By: dersins

dersins — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:00:40 -0800

Man, the "cortex" bot is getting really predictable, isn't it?

By: Avenger

Avenger — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 21:02:34 -0800

What disturbs me most is the banality of sex-for-drugs in these people's lives.

Why? Would you rather they have thrilling and adventurous sex-for-drugs?

By: dawson

dawson — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 22:16:57 -0800

I had a young friend in collage days who had a crush on a lovely named Dawn. Using a Southern saying, I punned that he'd love to get up the crack of dawn. The funny part was a few weeks later when he was riding with his pastor dad on a home visit and mentioned the girl and said, 'yeah, I sure would like to get up the crack of Dawn', and that's when the other meaning hit him and he peed his pants. What he thought was funny about it when he wasn't getting it I never knew.

By: cosmonik

cosmonik — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 23:48:40 -0800

Why? Would you rather they have thrilling and adventurous sex-for-drugs?

I can't tell whether you're being cheeky or not (inb4 cortex 'cheek' joke?) but I meant 'banality' not as in boring and unadventurous, but as in commonplace, a regular occurrence, nothing major, just another part of life. Instead of 'holy shit I'm selling my body to feed my dependence on a chemical substance'.

And that disturbs the hell out of me.

By: dg

dg — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 00:31:01 -0800

jack_mo: "I saw a scene really quite similar to this once, down near the River Clyde in Glasgow, only it was a man and a woman, and they were smoking heroin.
When the bloke saw me looking, he somehow misinterpreted my aghast expression for one of lust, and offered me 'a go' on the woman for £10.
Ah, memories."

So, how was she?

By: jack_mo

jack_mo — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 02:05:10 -0800

There's a $20, same as in town joke looming here, but I can't work it out...

PeterMcDermott writes 'The least he could have done was throw in a toot of his foil to sweeten the deal...'

I've always been keen to avoid the horse. Rather too moreish, I hear.

By: blacklite

blacklite — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 04:59:52 -0800

lol

lol

By: nicolas léonard sadi carnot

nicolas léonard sadi carnot — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 05:50:10 -0800

Come on guys, there's nothing like a nice relaxing smoke of crack.

By: meehawl

meehawl — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 16:36:23 -0800

Less synonymous times:

We're the Lads from Macc,
We want some crack.