Woah. Cortex and I share a birthday. Happy birthday, dude.
ps: The life expectancy of an American male is 75. posted by voltairemodern at 9:55 AM on April 26
I am wearing pants so cortex doesn't have to. It's my birthday gift to him. Happy three-oh, cortex! posted by Quietgal at 10:01 AM on April 26
ps: The life expectancy of an American male is 75.
With pants.
Without... not so much.
Happy Birthday cortex and voltairemodern, and anyone else who needs one. posted by netbros at 10:02 AM on April 26
Happy Birthday, cortex!
Do you have any crazy plans? posted by Kattullus at 10:04 AM on April 26
Happy birthday, y'big silly, you. posted by Jofus at 10:06 AM on April 26
I am going to do some crazy-ass chilling out and possibly consume some barbecue. It will be epic. posted by cortex at 10:07 AM on April 26 [2 favorites]
Happy Birthday, best co-worker ever!
pb's brow furrows. A tear manages to squeeze its way out of the side of his eye as he closes them tightly and lowers his face for a moment. His knuckles whiten for a second as he grips the mouse more tightly. He takes a deep breath, opens his eyes, and raises his head again. He wipes away the tear. He doesn't need birthdays. He doesn't need compliments. He takes a sip of water, and puts on his special gloves. He has coding to do. posted by Greg Nog at 10:15 AM on April 26 [59 favorites]
Also, happy birthday, cortex! posted by Greg Nog at 10:16 AM on April 26
I am going to do some crazy-ass chilling out and possibly consume some barbecue. It will be epic.
I can't wait to get him fucked up on Friday. posted by gman at 10:29 AM on April 26
Happy birthday, cortex. I have written you a birthday song, or, rather, started writing one. I haven't figured out the words yes, but, since this thread has already been started, I might as well share the melody with you. I'll just sing nonsense words over it, so that you get the gist. It goes like this:
La la la something something CORTEX something BIRTHDAY
La la la Here I'll probably sing something about METAFILTER
Dum dum dum dum LA LA LA LA LA (aside: I rather like how dramatic that moment is)
La la la and more of some lyrics about your BIRTHDAY!
I hope you like it. When I figure out the lyrics, I think it's going to be awesome. posted by Astro Zombie at 10:37 AM on April 26 [6 favorites]
Happy Birthday to both cortex and voltairemodern, then! posted by badmoonrising at 10:43 AM on April 26
Happy birthday! Enjoy the barbecue and the chilling and what will probably be a busy, busy day in meTa because we know that's what you want most for your birthday! Right? posted by rtha at 10:48 AM on April 26
Damn. Working on your birthday? posted by Sailormom at 10:51 AM on April 26
Happy birthday, cortex! Too bad the weather here in PDX isn't celebrating with you. :\ posted by nonmerci at 10:58 AM on April 26
Ah, turning thirty! On my thirtieth I drove to New Haven and got stinking drunk and managed to get back to NYC in time to stagger in to work the next morning, though I no longer remember how. And I didn't even have giant doughnuts to help! You kids today have it easy! And furthermore...
Many happy returns of the day to voltairemodern and that other guy.
Seriously, Happy Birthday to cortex too! posted by Nick Verstayne at 11:07 AM on April 26
Happy Birthday Cortex! posted by strixus at 11:09 AM on April 26
Happy birthday, to my favorite hilarious whippersnapper! posted by scody at 11:14 AM on April 26
There once was a man named Millard
Never once known to spin a canard
A mod on the 'filter
(which mathowie built 'er)
We bid him good cheer/best regards! posted by ORthey at 11:22 AM on April 26 [2 favorites]
I know the status of cortex' pants. RFID chips in every pair. Woot. posted by loquacious at 11:24 AM on April 26
Cortext is younger than me? Well, fuck. posted by mrmojoflying at 11:26 AM on April 26
the force is strong in this one. happy 30th. i'm sure the whole bea-arthur-logan's-run-kharma-is-a-golden-gurl thing is all bullshit. please don't feel too guilty. posted by stubby phillips at 11:32 AM on April 26
On my 30th birthday I discovered a gray pube. Thankfully it was an isolated incident.
Have a great feast and much fun, dude. Happy Birthday. posted by Devils Slide at 11:34 AM on April 26
(Doing a little jig in Cortex's honor!)
Happy B-day!!
Now, everybody dance!!
To a legend in every world city
We sing a fresh birthday ditty
The man do be chillin'
But we hope he's not illin'
For at least he's not turnin' fitty. posted by lukemeister at 11:38 AM on April 26
Happy birthday cortex!
I remember 29 being a much harder birthday. At 30 I think I was just kind of numb. posted by chococat at 11:52 AM on April 26
Happy birthday...and noogies! Lots of noogies. posted by dhammond at 11:56 AM on April 26
voltairemodern: "The life expectancy of an American male is 75."
Nit picking: The life expectancy of an American male born in 2005 (last data avialable) was 75.2 years. The life expectancy of an American male born in 1980 (closest datapoint I could find to 1979) was 67.1. [Source]
Do you know what this means, Josh? It means you will be an old man before you know it. Time will begin to pass more and more quickly... and then, one day, you'll realize that everything of significance and importance to you is in the past, and it will be time to die.
Pants are not required for explaining memes on the Intertubes.
Congratulations on your 30th lap, cortex, and on the completion of another one for you too voltairemodern. May you cling to this loopy space rock for many, many more trips around the sun. posted by carsonb at 12:42 PM on April 26
A genuine, heartfelt best wishes to you, kiddo. posted by Slarty Bartfast at 1:08 PM on April 26
*jumps out of a cake 800 miles away*
For someone I've never met, I kinda... love ya... man. Sheeit, and me with icing in my hair posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:09 PM on April 26 [1 favorite]
Buon compleanno a voltairemodern e cortex posted by francesca too at 1:10 PM on April 26
We should all chip in and buy the poor guy a pair of CorTeX pants so he can finally go outside. posted by lukemeister at 1:13 PM on April 26
Heh. I bet Matt, pb and vacapinta don't feel hurt at all by this statement.
Happy birthday cortex! We April baby's sure are awesome, aren't we? posted by Effigy2000 at 1:46 PM on April 26
Plutor: Nitpicking, but you pulled the wrong number out of our table. Also, life expectancy at birth isn't a relevant stat for someone 30 years of age. posted by found missing at 1:55 PM on April 26
And, by our, I meant your.
stupid brain. posted by found missing at 1:58 PM on April 26
deletion is the reason for the season
thanks for making it enjoyable.
happy birthday! posted by kuujjuarapik at 2:11 PM on April 26
Hey cortex, do you already have The Orange Box? It's incredibly cheap on Steam this weekend and everyone I've offered to gift it to already has it. Will you be yet another link in the chain of disappointment? posted by ODiV at 2:15 PM on April 26
Cortex,
I fail at Astro Zombie's song-writing genius, but enoy this happy birthday song anyway! posted by misha at 2:16 PM on April 26
or you could enjoy it posted by misha at 2:17 PM on April 26
I totally am a link in that chain, dude. posted by cortex at 2:26 PM on April 26
Welcome to the dirty thirties! Have an excellent time. Happy Birthday, Cortex. posted by crossoverman at 2:26 PM on April 26
More like "happy mirthday," amirite? posted by Rhaomi at 2:31 PM on April 26
found missing: "Plutor: Nitpicking, but you pulled the wrong number out of our table. Also, life expectancy at birth isn't a relevant stat for someone 30 years of age."
Alright then. Life expectancy for a male 30-year-old as of 2004: 46.9 additional years. (source).
You can have your eight years back, with interest. posted by Plutor at 2:59 PM on April 26
Sure - Go ahead. Enjoy your special day. You've earned it, I guess. But you're a man, now. Your new job starts tomorrow. First shift, crack of dawn. Don't be late. Keep those damn kids off the lawn. posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 5:23 PM on April 26 [2 favorites]
Happy birthday, pile of gray matter! posted by plinth at 5:34 PM on April 26
Happy birthday, Tex! I'll have to buy you a beer when you're in NYC next weekend.
.... and I'm totally going to call you Tex from now on. You should grow a Yosemite Sam moustache and wear a ten-gallon hat. Six-shooters are optional. posted by Afroblanco at 5:43 PM on April 26
Happy birthday! Hopefully many more to come. posted by metastability at 5:54 PM on April 26
Happy B-day, Cortex. And many mooooooooooooooooooooooore! posted by Grlnxtdr at 5:59 PM on April 26
Cortex is awesome, makes a person rethink cannibalism. posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:14 PM on April 26
This Cortex fellow, he works here? I thought he was just in charge of the donuts. posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:49 PM on April 26
I went out for a walk today because it was so nice out. On the way back me and my friends saw a beautiful rainbow and we all stood watching it along with some other people on the street who had just seen it. Then my friend [another MeFite] said "Aww go fuck a rainbow" and we had to spend a long time explaining to his partner what that exactly meant. And I know cortex would have laughed in that way he has, so it was sort of like a b'day present for him [in lieu of scotch].
[also mathowie is my favorite boss, pb is my favorite wizard, vacapinta is my favorite travelling photographing expat and Meatbomb is my favorite astral mod - just so everyone feels included] posted by jessamyn at 8:00 PM on April 26 [2 favorites]
Happy birthday cortex! On this day, you are a man. posted by Mister_A at 8:03 PM on April 26
Woah. Cortex and I share a birthday. Happy birthday, dude.
posted by voltairemodern at 9:55 AM on April 26 [+] [!]
Me too! I guess I'll go have a drink in our honor. My birthday wish to you both is that you had a better birthday than me (and I set the bar pretty high)! posted by silkygreenbelly at 8:28 PM on April 26
Happy birthday, silkygreenbelly and voltairemodern! I think this means you can be called upon to carry out cortex's duties if he is unable to fulfill them. posted by lukemeister at 8:33 PM on April 26
I ended up having that barbecue after all—my dad can grill a mean hamburger—and I found a bottle of Canadian blended whiskey in the parents' liquor cabinet that nobody could even explain the existence of. Good times! posted by cortex at 9:36 PM on April 26 [1 favorite]
Happy B day guy! posted by nola at 9:39 PM on April 26
Happy birthday, maaann. posted by heyho at 10:51 PM on April 26
You mean all these times I imagined masturbating onto your brain, you were only 20-something? Can I go to jail for that? posted by fleacircus at 1:26 AM on April 27
Dirty, flirty and thirty. Have a good one. posted by bystander at 3:50 AM on April 27
Happy day after your birthday as well. I missed it yesterday. posted by micayetoca at 4:18 AM on April 27
You mean we'd be posting elephants if it weren't for that meddling kid?
(happy birthday, c'tex) posted by eriko at 5:43 AM on April 27
You're the birthday! you're the birthday! you're the birthday boy or girl! posted by The Whelk at 6:34 AM on April 27
Happy birthday old man. posted by caddis at 7:02 AM on April 27
Gratulerer med dagen, unge mann. posted by Dumsnill at 7:04 AM on April 27
Happy birthday! posted by COBRA! at 7:09 AM on April 27
A coworker just turned 30 last week, and I was forced to explain how this works; At 30, everything on your body that functioned fine when you were 29 will begin to fail. There is no reason for this, it's just the way it is. But don't worry about it, because when you hit 35 the downward descent begins in earnest;
At 30, I woke up, got out of bed, stretched and pulled a muscle. I thought to myself "What the fuck?! All I did was stretch out! This is some bullshit!"
At 35, the same thing happened, but I never actually made it to 'get out of bed' point.
I pulled a muscle sleeping.
Welcome to your third decade. Everything gets more interesting now!
Happy belated birthday. For reals, yo! posted by quin at 7:55 AM on April 27 [1 favorite]
Welcome to your third fourth decade. posted by lukemeister at 7:57 AM on April 27
My God...this site is run by KIDS!!!
Happy Birthday, kid. posted by rocket88 at 8:11 AM on April 27
Your birthday should've been today. Not only would I not be a day late(and dollar short, as usual), but all these other folks would look extremely foolish, wishing you a happy birthday a day early! *evil cackle* posted by owtytrof at 9:49 AM on April 27
"Not supported on the iPhone?" Youtube, do you have any idea who cortex is?! Fix this with a quckness. posted by Pronoiac at 6:04 PM on April 27
Fix this with a quickness, I mean. With a quckness is optional. posted by Pronoiac at 6:06 PM on April 27
BIRTHDAY UKULELE YOUTUBE VIDEO FUCK YEAH
I totally expected you to take a big bite of a giant donut (which would suddenly appear, dangling by a string) at the very end. The insouciant little LOOK AT ME ROCKING HARD WITH MY FUCKING UKULELE grin was a nice second best, however. Do you and your ukulele take requests? posted by scody at 6:17 PM on April 27
There's a distinction to be made between taking requests and actually fulfilling them, I figure, but with that caveat on the table I'm a pretty accommodating guy, yeah. posted by cortex at 6:22 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]
A baritone ukulele? You disappoint me, sir. posted by Plutor at 6:33 PM on April 27
with that caveat on the table I'm a pretty accommodating guy
The Clash! The Jam! Something from David Bowie's Berlin period! It was my birthday, too! a couple of months ago posted by scody at 6:42 PM on April 27
Happy Yesterbirthday, Cortex. Medulla and Sarah say they miss you so don't stay away too long. posted by effluvia at 7:06 PM on April 27
A baritone ukulele? You disappoint me, sir.
That there is a soprano, sir. posted by cortex at 7:42 PM on April 27
Do you and your ukulele take requests?
Yay cortex gets another website!! I enjoyed that video very much. posted by jessamyn at 8:09 PM on April 27 [1 favorite]
I was hoping so. All I could tell from the video was that it was tuned DGBE, so I went with the outrage. posted by Plutor at 5:11 AM on April 28
I think I figured out the problem and that is that you are totally full of poop. Sucker is tuned ADF#B, straight up, and you are COLD BUSTED. posted by cortex at 6:51 AM on April 28
Hey, are those guitar strings or are there actually ukelay- ukely- itty bitty strings for that thing? posted by lysdexic at 7:33 AM on April 28
It came strung, but I got an extra pack with it and they're totally labeled as uke strings. You could probably get by cutting classical strings in half or something, but that seems silly.
Ukes are apparently just ridiculously economical. This is a really fun little guy and it's all of like $50; some time in the not-too-distant future I'll probably drop some cash on a deluxe model in a lower register, and that'll cost all of a whopping two hundred bucks or so. Craziness. posted by cortex at 7:40 AM on April 28
cortex: "I think I figured out the problem and that is that you are totally full of poop. Sucker is tuned ADF#B, straight up, and you are COLD BUSTED."
Well, shits. That's what happens when you assume Cortex is only mostly talented. posted by Plutor at 7:41 AM on April 28
Much belated Happy 30th from somebody who just did Happy 50th. Don't believe all them upthread, things actually get better as you get older.
Except for that weird 'what happened to my body' thing. A hint: start doing yoga religiously now.
I can't remember much about my 30th birthday except that I was planning on going to see the Red Hot Chili Peppers but their guitarist overdosed. posted by jokeefe at 10:37 AM on April 28
A hint: start doing yoga religiously now.
Yes, before 30 yoga is basically the practice of stretching for one hour. After 30, you can start to tune into the manifestations of the Cosmic Consciousness via your in-breaths & out-breaths, and you can start to see a mystical microcosm of all of creation in the downward dog. posted by UbuRoivas at 2:15 PM on April 28
*rolls eyes at Ubu* posted by jokeefe at 3:22 PM on April 28
Belated happy birthday, cortex. Somehow I, who never miss a Metatalk thread, missed this one. posted by dersins at 3:30 PM on April 28
p.s. fyi being in your 30's is substantially awesomer than being in your 20's, which in turn is substantially awesomer than being a teenager. This has me avidly looking forward to my 40's. posted by dersins at 3:32 PM on April 28
>and you can start to see a mystical microcosm of all of creation in the downward dog.
That's why there are strict leash and poop pickup laws, mister. posted by Burhanistan at 3:33 PM on April 28
Yes. Due to the divine inter-relatedness of all things, one person's huge disturbance in the force is another's shoe slipping slightly on a turd left unscooped by the owner of an irritably-boweled chihuahua. posted by UbuRoivas at 4:22 PM on April 28 [1 favorite]
This has me avidly looking forward to my 40's.
Speaking as someone a couple of months over that line, I can tell you that it is indeed MAGICALLY AWESOME, but the strict rules of the Born in the 1960s Club prohibit me from saying any more. posted by scody at 4:48 PM on April 28
I can tell you that it is indeed MAGICALLY AWESOME, but the strict rules of the Born in the 1960s Club prohibit me from saying any more.
Happy belated birthday--man, I need to get here and scroll down more often!--and seconds on all the compliments.
Man, for some reason I had to log in to comment to this thread. From home, where I am always logged in and had already just commented in the blue. What is up with that ?
Later this summer, I will be exactly twice your age. Twice and more forever after that, too, now that I think about it. That will only be true, however, for a lot less than forever.
And if I have any words of wisdom--hah!--at all to offer here it is that it is my conclusion that the purpose in life is to learn to be kinder and always more patient with people. You have been incredibly kind and patient, certainly far more than me, and far more than the average bear, too, so I have to say that you are doing very well on that score so far. Good on you. posted by y2karl at 5:39 AM on April 29 [1 favorite]
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