February 27, 2002

6:12 PM

So, okay, what's the in-joke on this thing popping up in all and sundry weblogs yesterday: "What is real? 415 564-1347". I assume this is some new Jason- Kottke- as- Laurence- Fishburne thing (I've never met him, but I get such a 'David Wooderson' vibe from that guy).
posted by hincandenza to general weblog-related at 6:12 PM (37 comments total)

Cam (who has no permalinks, but it's in the Wednesday, 2/27 post) says that it's a project of Heather Champ of mirrorproject fame. It's a phone number, give it a call & tell them what's real.
posted by zempf at 6:18 PM on February 27, 2002

Ah, the kind of open-ended question webloggers live to masturbate to. The kind of question that's ridiculed when a multinational corporation deigns to ask it in a television commercial.
posted by artifex at 6:45 PM on February 27, 2002

It's a big corporate thing for weblogs yes. Sponsored by mlife™
posted by mathowie at 7:21 PM on February 27, 2002

The force is strong with this artifex one.
posted by machaus at 7:24 PM on February 27, 2002

I say go the distance on this meme. Make it a 1-900 number, charge $3.00 a minute and cut everybody linking this in on an associate deal. Those leaving a ten minute message get a complimentary copy of Valis.
posted by ed at 7:33 PM on February 27, 2002

Heh. :) I was actually thinking of mlife when I said that. And ditto on ed's suggestion.
posted by artifex at 7:50 PM on February 27, 2002

~mathowie's textad money goes straight to straight to MS~
posted by Neale at 8:03 PM on February 27, 2002

will someone that has called it tell me if it is dumb or not?
posted by mcsweetie at 11:37 PM on February 27, 2002

Ok, I'll fess up, it's the all-Kottke line, for just $3.95 a minute, you get to hear what Kottke's thinking, what's he's working on, and he might even yell at you for bothering him. Do give him a call.
posted by mathowie at 11:43 PM on February 27, 2002

So if Kottke calls that number would it be like that scene from "Being John Malkovich?"

kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke kottke
posted by girlhacker at 12:40 AM on February 28, 2002

Since Jonah is the new Kottke, does that mean he's really behind it?
posted by frykitty at 12:46 AM on February 28, 2002

I saw the number on MeFi this morning, and seeing that I had a few extra pesos of prepaid credit in my cellphone, tried dialling, hoping to hear a funny recording. I lost my nerve at the sound of the beep and hung up.

Twenty pesos. Dang. I wish I were wittier.
posted by brownpau at 1:15 AM on February 28, 2002

Contest:

Determine the universal ration between the time someone launches a non-weblog web project and the time someone else calls them out as pretentious on metafilter.

(don't forget to use the Kottke Konstant)
posted by alan at 1:25 AM on February 28, 2002

universal ration

a butter substitute, soluble coffee, dry milk, biscuits, hard candy, cereal, dehydrated cheese, fruit bars, gum, lemon-juice powder, dehydrated soup, salt, sugar, tea, toilet paper, luncheon meat and dehydrated baked beans.

universal ratio

(t_project+L₁₃₃₇)/(K_kottke*N_A) = t_callout/F_f

where:
t_project is the exact time that a weblog project is launched, as measured in hectoseconds by your local cesium fountain atomic clock.
L₁₃₃₇ is an indicator of status of the project, measured in Squared Googlebots per A-List.
K_Kottke is the Kottke Konstant™. You all, of course, know what that is.
t_callout is the time at which the project is called out as pretentious, again precisely measured in hectoseconds by the cesium fountain atomic clock.
F_f is the coresponding force of friction.
N_A is Avogadro's number.

Now: what are the units of the Kottke Konstant™?
posted by iceberg273 at 5:09 AM on February 28, 2002

You know, icy, you could have asked before using my number.
posted by Avogadro at 5:17 AM on February 28, 2002

weblog project

by which I mean a non-weblog web project that spreads through weblogs like a grassfire through Saskatchewan during a drought.

You know, icy, you could have asked before using my number.

I thought that it was your gift to humanity.

*cries*
posted by iceberg273 at 5:20 AM on February 28, 2002

Now look what you've done - and after all that work! Honestly, Avogadro, sometimes it seems like you just...just don't... care. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 6:09 AM on February 28, 2002

~Screw humanity! Buncha freeloaders, just like those Napster kids!~
posted by Avogadro at 6:19 AM on February 28, 2002

"... In just a couple of days they have downloaded nearly 6.02x10^23 constant numbers. That's three kids, folks. Now multiply that by millions of students and other computer users and the problem comes into sharp focus."
posted by rory at 6:43 AM on February 28, 2002

the person with the best answer wins a pony.
posted by heather at 8:54 AM on February 28, 2002

oh, and i'll cook them pancakes with "real" canadian maple syrup. non of that vermont wanna-be shit.
posted by heather at 8:55 AM on February 28, 2002

are ponies real?
posted by judith at 8:56 AM on February 28, 2002

Ponies are not real.
posted by rodii at 9:05 AM on February 28, 2002

Maple syrup - keepin' it real.
posted by liam at 9:39 AM on February 28, 2002

Now: what are the units of the Kottke Konstant™?

mole-Newtons multiplied by one plus googlebots squared over A-list hectoseconds.

Ah, A-list hectoseconds.
posted by j.edwards at 9:44 AM on February 28, 2002

You should know, new-Ko.
posted by rodii at 11:24 AM on February 28, 2002

* blink *

Unless I'm totally mistaken, the voice is *not* Kottke's -- it's Derek's. :)

The Kottke Konstant = the amount of times Kottke edits or generates anything publicly viewable on the Internet divided by the amount of time it takes a thread about it to get posted on Metafilter. The Kottke Corollary is the amount of time (measured in number of posts divided by time posted) said thread takes to degenerate, usually ending with, "And why are we discussing this anyway?"

:D
posted by metrocake at 11:59 AM on February 28, 2002

Maybe I'm missing something, but isn't that phone number related to the link for the site which converts phone numbers into words?
posted by ParisParamus at 1:37 PM on February 28, 2002

non of that vermont wanna-be shit.

them's fighting words.....
posted by jessamyn at 4:25 PM on February 28, 2002

i love real maple syrup.

a google cached page reveals the secret to the prize.
posted by th3ph17 at 5:26 PM on February 28, 2002

err. well, i guess it doesn't have to be the google cache page, that just makes it more mysterious, like you have found something hidden. The Busy signal is Real.
posted by th3ph17 at 5:28 PM on February 28, 2002

What is real?

What number are you supposed to call if you're outside the United States?
posted by feelinglistless at 7:13 AM on March 1, 2002

or don't want to pay long distance?
posted by epersonae at 8:45 AM on March 1, 2002

What is real?

Feelinglistless: here's the UK number. ;)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 8:48 AM on March 1, 2002

them's fighting words.....

jessamyn, you could kick my ass from here to next thursday.
posted by heather at 2:39 PM on March 1, 2002

Fishrush :

"Reality is the abolition of logic. Reality is a dance which is incapable of creation or destruction. Reality is every object, all objects, feelings and obscurities, every apparition and the precise shock of parallel lines or the confusing lines of Escher. Reality is the abolition of memory; the abolition of physics; the abolition of prophets; the abolition of the future; the absolute and indisputable belief in every good that is an immediate product of spontaneity; the elegant and unprejudiced leap from one harmony to another sphere; the trajectory of a word, a cry, thrown into the air like an acoustic disc; to respect all individualities in their folly of the moment, whether serious, fearful, timid, ardent, vigorous, decided or enthusiastic; to strip one's church of every useless and unwieldy accessory; to spew out like a luminous cascade any offensive or loving thought, or to cherish it - with the lively satisfaction that it's all precisely the same thing - with the same intensity in the bush, which is free of insects for the blue-blooded, and gilded with the bodies of archangels, with one's soul. Reality is the roar of contorted pains, the interweaving of contraries and all contradictions, freaks and irrelevancies: life is real."

channeling the the Dada Manifesto.

(but you still rock my world, icey)
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:52 PM on March 1, 2002

I am the Way New Kottke.
posted by aaron at 9:13 PM on March 1, 2002