Best of DTMFA?

May 2, 2010 1:00 AM

May I please have your recommendation for the best, healthiest and most helpful of Ask.MetaFilter DTMFA relationship questions?

In particular I'm looking for scenarios of co-dependency where the partner that wants and needs out is mistakenly taking responsibility for the mental health of the co-dependent SO. I have a friend that needs help and a wider perspective.

posted by loquacious to MetaFilter-Related at 1:00 AM (19 comments total)

The fr0zen and xteraco saga is a classic of AskMe co-dependent weirdness. The original question. The MeTa thread it spawned.
posted by amyms at 1:08 AM on May 2, 2010 [6 favorites]

Oops, I linked to mid-thread in the AskMe I mentioned. Here's the thread from the top.
posted by amyms at 1:10 AM on May 2, 2010

Argh, I remember that one.

I'm looking for more mature scenarios where the person who wants out realizes that their relationship is unsatisfactory, lopsided or unhealthy with advice about how to get out of the relationship and getting over the whole "but I'm hurting their feelings!" and specifically "they might hurt themselves!" parts, and how they're entirely not personally responsible for the mental health or irrational decisions of their (not so respectful) partner. The friend in question is very sensitive and empathic and needs a gentle push.

Other useful threads would be about goal sharing.

Yeah, I'm asking for a lot, but I know I've seen a solid handful of threads that had great advice, but I'm having trouble composing the appropriate keywords to find them.
posted by loquacious at 2:01 AM on May 2, 2010

how about a search of "codependent site:ask.metafilter.com"...?

this would catch the threads where people had mentioned codependency in their answers.

and here's the same search, with an additional pink superhero filter.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:19 AM on May 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

There's this one -- closer to your second than first description, maybe.
posted by Kat Allison at 7:39 AM on May 2, 2010

out of curiousity I clicked through Ubu's pink filter and went to the first question

all I wanna say is that the lady is aptly named, she is indeed The Pink Superhero, her answer is almost exactly the tone and sense of what I was thinking while reading the question, albeit it has been a long journey to get there but that core remained. thanks for the opportunity to reflect and appreciate, ubu
posted by infini at 9:15 AM on May 2, 2010

Awww, you're making me blush (and that confuses me, because I'm not sure which color to turn).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:02 AM on May 2, 2010 [2 favorites]

Here's a good example of the asker understanding in advance that it's an unhealthy relationship.
posted by Zed at 5:02 PM on May 2, 2010

This comment describing healthy and unhealthy behavior in a relationship has been linked to over and over again recently.
posted by Melismata at 6:29 PM on May 2, 2010 [1 favorite]

Might be more trainwrecky than what you're looking for, but there's this.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 9:57 PM on May 2, 2010

(and that confuses me, because I'm not sure which color to turn)

I would've thought you'd just go a deep fuchsia.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:49 AM on May 3, 2010

Interestingly enough, xteraco and fr0zen are now married, and xteraco has a job now.

(Yes I googled... wanted to know how it turned out.)
posted by biochemist at 2:41 AM on May 3, 2010

loquacious, I hope your "friend" finds the information they need.

I keed
posted by Deathalicious at 5:52 AM on May 3, 2010

Thanks for the suggestions, folks.

(Yes, it's actually for a friend. I'm not in a relationship.)
posted by loquacious at 10:21 AM on May 3, 2010

I'm not in a relationship

/me discreetly hits the Binaca
posted by French Fry at 10:27 AM on May 3, 2010

/me discreetly hits the Binaca

Hey! You're taken! Also not my preferred gender. Granted, I'm not really your preferred gender either, so we're probably safe.
posted by loquacious at 11:32 AM on May 3, 2010

*sprinkles magic hugdust over loquacious and French Fry and runs away giggling like Puck*
posted by infini at 11:57 AM on May 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

yeah, this is getting old fast.. I'll kill it


maybe...
posted by infini at 12:01 PM on May 3, 2010

*sprinkles magic hugdust over loquacious and French Fry and runs away giggling like Puck*

Dude, I so did not need to be rolling today. You're lucky I'm not taking an MAOI.
posted by loquacious at 12:09 PM on May 3, 2010