btw, I've been meaning to ask...

August 7, 2010 6:07 AM

What are the odds of a reverse meetup happening, do you suppose?

Its a conundrum in etiquette in a way, and not really an AskMe because many of them are strangers and don't really know the grey so I made a MeTa. I'm curious. We have all been to meetups and met MeFites but has it ever happened the other way around? If so is there any particular etiquette to follow or suggest, both for the real and the virtual?

Ceci n'est pa un ponee.

posted by infini to Etiquette/Policy at 6:07 AM (150 comments total)

I'm confused about what a "reverse meetup" is?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:10 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Are you asking if people have ever joined Metafilter due to a real-life connection? Because that's almost always what a gift membership is used for, I would expect.
posted by Lemurrhea at 6:13 AM on August 7, 2010

You met someone in person first and only much later discover you're MeFites
posted by infini at 6:14 AM on August 7, 2010

Or do you mean when you meet someone in real life in a context other than a Metafilter meetup, and it turns out by chance that they're also a Mefite?
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 6:14 AM on August 7, 2010

Simultaneous post.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 6:14 AM on August 7, 2010

or way too late, depending on how you look at it of course.

*ew*

;p
posted by infini at 6:15 AM on August 7, 2010

Yes. This happened to me at PAX last year. I had intended upon going to the MeFi meetup but instead opted to wait in line for what turned out to be an incredibly boring panel. While waiting in line I mumbled to my linemate "I'm giving up on meeting strangers from the internet for this! It better be good!" and lo and behold, it was someone who was also skipping the meetup to go to the panel. I actually met up with a good number of MeFites at the time, and instead of proceeding to get my drink on after the very boring panel, I opted to find my good friends (from whom I had detached myself to attend the panel) and contract the swine flu. Or maybe the MeFites gave it to me? Either way, good job on sending mixed messages, dudes!

Also of course, being a nerd, I've made fandom friends who turned out to be here. But I'm not sure that they count, even if I've met them in person, because of course, they're also Denizens of the Internet like me, and everybody who's anybody is on MeFi.
posted by Mizu at 6:19 AM on August 7, 2010

So what I hear you saying is whatever's standard MetaFilter community rules are, apply them equally regardless of whether its a real world conversation or a online one?
posted by infini at 6:24 AM on August 7, 2010

Without time travel, this is not a reverse meetup.
posted by Eideteker at 6:27 AM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Explain what that means
posted by infini at 6:37 AM on August 7, 2010

I've lurked for years, but it was finding out that one of my friends is a Mefite that finally motivated me to get an account a few months ago. Does that count?
posted by Gordafarin at 6:37 AM on August 7, 2010

I joined Metafilter and realized that I thought that a particular user might be someone I'd met before at the college of my best friend from high school. Not only was I right, but it turns out my best friend from high school is on here too, and I hadn't known.

And then the weirdest part was later when I randomly MeFi mailed someone about something in a thread and they wrote back and were like "I see you know [Best friend from high school]. Do you also know [Person not on MeFi]?" who it turns out is my ex-boyfriend from high school who I'd dated for two years and haven't seen in a really long time. It wasn't bad, just weird and really unexpected.

I don't know if any of this counts?
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 6:37 AM on August 7, 2010

Last time I tried the "Reverse Meetup" I pulled my back and had to sleep on the couch for two weeks.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 6:42 AM on August 7, 2010 [17 favorites]

Oh, well, I just treat people the same online and off pretty much all the time. I've been meeting people from the big ol' Internet for about a decade now, and what everyone is surprised about is how much I am how they expected I would be. Of course, I'm also the person who responds to her online handle in a crowd and deliberately not to her real first name, because it's so common. I also consider that if someone can't handle, say, discussing the logical fallacies of a particular episode of Doctor Who or the history of the spice trade or how best to wedge one's cat into a scanner, they probably aren't going to be worth getting to know in real life or online. So, perhaps my etiquette is wonky?

In fact, I know it is. Meeting people in person is weird and reverso for me, because my ultimate goal is to get to them online. I might meet someone at a show or a convention or down the street at the coffeeshop, but if I don't get their email at least, I'm never going to get to know them. So I'll just demand their online info if I like them enough. First, I offer them mine, including the information that I'm "Mizu on Metafilter" and if they're on here as well, they'll give me their handle, and there you have it.
posted by Mizu at 6:44 AM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mizu, you were speaking my words for me except for the bit where I'm actually a big old scaredycat and would NEVER tell anyone I'm infini or mention MeFi in the real world. Its my little secret headspace where I can let my intellectual hair down and simply explore interesting avenues of thought.

people who are only in one world are so weird.. its like half of them is missing somehow
posted by infini at 6:53 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Dunno, Mrs. Pterodactyl, but its a fascinating story... more more
posted by infini at 6:54 AM on August 7, 2010

I mentioned the Blue in passing at work one day, and someone waiting in line was all "HEY MY HUZ IS ON MEFI" and asked for my user number. Does that count?
posted by pxe2000 at 7:01 AM on August 7, 2010

I'm working on convincing one of my friends to join (a reverse Gordafarin reverse meetup), but I don't think that counts.
posted by cthuljew at 7:08 AM on August 7, 2010

We have reverse meetups here in eastern Washington on a daily basis. All us MeFites stay far far away from each other and never ever gather in a single place for drinks and hijinx.

Oh, wait, that's not what you're talking about? Nevermind.
posted by hippybear at 7:08 AM on August 7, 2010 [7 favorites]

All us MeFites stay far far away from each other and never ever gather in a single place

But isn't that kind of the point to living in eastern Washington? To stay far far away from one another? I'd suggest moving if you dislike that. It sounds kind of lovely to me, though.
posted by Mizu at 7:17 AM on August 7, 2010

people who are only in one world are so weird.. its like half of them is missing somehow

What if you're the same person, or more or less the same, in "both" worlds? I've definitely been places where it turns out there are other MeFites, but it's almost never a surprise to them that I'm "jessamyn from metafilter" because I usually mention that if I'm in conversation with online/nerd/geek types. Add to this that a lot of my local friends are MeFites [pre-dating and post-dating me knowing them] and I feel like this idea of a reverse meetup would need a fairly specific set of circumstances to even happen. That said, it's an interesting idea.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:20 AM on August 7, 2010

One of my Facebook friends recently made a post asking if anyone else was on MetaFilter, and I was going to say something, but I kinda don't like publicly connecting my real name to my username, so I didn't.

Maybe now he'll see this and wonder which one of his five hundred Facebook friends I am.
posted by Metroid Baby at 7:24 AM on August 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

to clarify, I meant, that when you know someone online over time you figure out how they think, who they are and given MeFi; what they tend to overthink

otoh, a person whom you meet who isn't online has to parsed and understood wayyyyy over a long time and will you have the luxury of running multiple conversation threads without forgeting a word over the asynchronous communication channel
posted by infini at 7:25 AM on August 7, 2010

wonders if this is overthinking
posted by infini at 7:27 AM on August 7, 2010

I met someone in person kind of tangentially, and then discovered they were a MeFite because we were involved in the same issue (though from different perspectives) and she posted to AskMetafilter about it.
posted by OmieWise at 7:48 AM on August 7, 2010

I found out that a friend of mine was a mefite recently. Now we are contacts.
posted by millipede at 7:50 AM on August 7, 2010

I discovered by accident one day--at a meet-up--that the guy sitting next to me was the good friend "Bob" of a close friend of mine "Ted". And then learned, later in the conversation, that Mefite Who is Totally the Bee's Knee's is Ted's ex-wife.

It was kinda cool in that woah, small world kind of way.
posted by crush-onastick at 7:52 AM on August 7, 2010

So far I discovered two people I knew (though not close friends) were on Metafilter. One asked a question that highlighted some fairly unique personal situations and I realized who they were, another saw an answer to a question I gave and randomly looked at my profile and saw it was me. This doesn't seem all that unlikely.
posted by nanojath at 8:11 AM on August 7, 2010

One of the couples that came to the last 'burgh meetup are members of my church and my wife knew them already. And since this is such a small town and most of the mefites are in the tech and/or academic communities here, we all have very small degrees of separation from each other.
posted by octothorpe at 8:13 AM on August 7, 2010

Posted a notice in a games store once looking for other players -- got a response from someone whom I later knew for a while before discovering he was also on Mefi.

I also knew a couple of people from other, long-vanished message boards (Fametracker, we barely knew ye) who later surfaced here.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:15 AM on August 7, 2010

I've discovered that a few of my friends were on here. I've introduced a few other people. My brother, who introduced me to the site, identified my username by an AskMe I posted a couple of years ago, which was pretty funny (hi, bro!).
posted by lunasol at 8:17 AM on August 7, 2010

Pax and I went to college together and were good friends until losing touch after graduation, didn't speak for about ten years and then she dropped me a Memail on here after recognizing me from my profile. Now we talk and hang out all the time. Win.

Also, I was friends with Blazecock Pileon before knowing what Metafilter was. He got me into reading the site, then gave me a gift membership, which is the account I still use.
posted by The Straightener at 8:19 AM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Once at a meetup I found out that a long-term MeFite was the boyfriend of a woman whose mom had a bed next to my mom at the birthing center when we were born.
posted by Kattullus at 8:46 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Yeah, for all I know there are people with whom I went to high school on here and there are DEFINITELY MeFites who went to my college but I feel weird giving out too much information.

Actually, college I don't mind (University of Chicago) since that's a pretty big population and I might have mentioned it on here before, but high school is a little too specific for me. Also, it's a lot less likely that anyone I knew in high school is on here.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:50 AM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Once at a meetup I found out that a long-term MeFite was the boyfriend of a woman whose mom had a bed next to my mom at the birthing center when we were born.

Whoa.
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 8:51 AM on August 7, 2010

I was sitting in a coffee shop one day. A friend of a friend was also there but he was sitting at another table. I saw over his shoulder that he was on Metafilter. I went to talk to him about it. We are now dating.
posted by emilyd22222 at 8:52 AM on August 7, 2010 [13 favorites]

I played a show a few years back and there was a mefite in the audience but neither of us realized this at the time.

I also once found myself at a table with five or six friends and realized that, while it wasn't anything metafilter related going on, we were all mefites and so it was kind of an unwilling meetup. But that's not quite the same.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:01 AM on August 7, 2010

an unwilling meetup

LOLs helplessly... it can be a bit freaky to have something like that happen
posted by infini at 9:11 AM on August 7, 2010

wonders if that means IRL threads will be the 2010 equivalent of a date book
posted by infini at 9:12 AM on August 7, 2010

Last year I found out that one of my friends, whom I've known for nearly a decade, is a 11K mefite. I learned this while we were riding in the same car.
posted by Benjamin Nushmutt at 9:17 AM on August 7, 2010

I once attended a wedding where I was intentionally assigned a seat at the same table with a fellow MeFite I'd never met before, I think because the bride figured at least we'd have something to talk about. But I don't think that counts.

I have also bumped into known MeFites while standing in line to get into an Eddie Izzard show, but how surprising is that? Not very.
posted by ambrosia at 9:24 AM on August 7, 2010

I just realized a couple of months ago that IAmBroom was someone I knew from real life. I'm not sure if that exactly counts since he joined Metafilter some time after I last saw him in person.
posted by tdismukes at 9:34 AM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

how early in a relationship should you confess to being a MeFite?
posted by infini at 9:37 AM on August 7, 2010

wonders if this is overthinking

Nah... not to me, anyway. I think about it sometimes. It just happens that I've never knowingly encountered another mefite outside of Metafilter meet-ups, yet. I'm not a big socialite, though, so I don't find myself in random gatherings of strangers much any more. Work is internet-savvy, so everyone there knows what Metafilter is, but I'm the only actual member. The other circles I travel in, music and caving mostly, while they have their eggheads, tend to be garden-walled off into other specific communities if they're web-savvy people, and cavers especially are a pretty anachronistic bunch - not techies for the most part.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:44 AM on August 7, 2010

how early in a relationship should you confess to being a MeFite?

After the birth of your first love child but most definitely before the second.
posted by special-k at 9:44 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Folks up at the local A and A's get a kick out of my Please Hope Me t-shirt, though.
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:45 AM on August 7, 2010

A few weeks ago I was sitting in a coffee shop by the window working intensely on a project. This dude with a beard looks at me through the window, walks in, and stands inches away from me. I look up and he goes "Hey special-k!"
I was all like woah dude. How do you know my name and stuff. He sits down, we make small talk for a bit, then he leaves. So at this point I'm wondering why Olallieberry, a bastard child of so many berries, tastes so good in pies. Anyhoo, it was sambosambo that stopped in and I totally knew who he was. How about that?
posted by special-k at 9:52 AM on August 7, 2010

that's a way cool story
posted by infini at 9:57 AM on August 7, 2010

epilogue: Sammy and I had met before. We even sideways hugged cortex once. This encounter may or may not have involved pain killers and alcohol.
posted by special-k at 10:04 AM on August 7, 2010

A reverse meet-up happens every time there's a meet-up, otherwise that meet-up would still be going on.

That is, until the Final Meet-up, at which attendance will be required, and from which there will be no return.
posted by jamjam at 10:10 AM on August 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

Maybe Unintentional Meetups might be a more accurate term than reverse meetup
posted by infini at 10:29 AM on August 7, 2010

This is what the mefi t-shirts are for. Although I have never had a mefite come up to me while I'm wearing one. :/

Also, last week I was wearing my tl;dr shirt and my husband came home from work and changed into his mefi shirt. Then we went out to dinner. It was kind of gross, like having matching track suits.
posted by desjardins at 10:42 AM on August 7, 2010 [8 favorites]

how early in a relationship should you confess to being a MeFite?

At least before you spouse them.
posted by Babblesort at 10:45 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

It was kind of gross, like having matching track suits.

Since I'm a t-shirt printer and I occasionally bring us both home prints of shirts I like, you can see where this might happen a lot in my house. We pretty much look at each other before getting out the door though, and will have a quick stare-down over who has to go change.
posted by Devils Rancher at 10:52 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

At least they were different colors, I guess. If anyone asked, I was going to tell people that Mefi's our bowling team. I am very careful not to wear the shirt to family gatherings. (see also)
posted by desjardins at 10:57 AM on August 7, 2010

instead of tab A => slot B, it's slot A => tab B...or something like that
posted by edgeways at 11:04 AM on August 7, 2010

At least before you spouse them.

This.
posted by infini at 11:07 AM on August 7, 2010

wonders if this is technically a call out in MeTa or not... ponders
posted by infini at 11:08 AM on August 7, 2010

At my last job, I talked to this guy on smoke breaks, and after a while I realized that his conversation topics seemed oddly familiar. "I hear the ALF set was a real nightmare," he'd say. Or "Is it true that Brittany Murphy was a snob?" That last one really got me thinking, because I'd never heard her described as a snob except by someone in her obit thread on here. I said "." and we made the connection.
posted by yellowbinder at 11:14 AM on August 7, 2010

instead of tab A => slot B, it's slot A => tab B...or something like that

Yeah, thanks to Vaughn Walker!
posted by norm at 11:26 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

This.

This That. FTFY.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:29 AM on August 7, 2010

I said "."

Curious - did you say "dot", "period", or just observe a moment of silence?
posted by Lemurrhea at 11:31 AM on August 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

This That. FTFY.

These. FTFM.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 11:32 AM on August 7, 2010

Mizu! I'm that random dude who also skipped the meetup to go to the lame panel- I've been trying to remember who you were so I can properly credit you for this doodle you did on my phone during said boring panel. I, too, came down with the death swine flu.
posted by potch at 11:41 AM on August 7, 2010

Oh no! Potch, did I infect you, utilizing your iphone as a vector for disease?!?!? It's not just people who make new friends at MeFi Meetups, it's viruses, too!
posted by Mizu at 12:00 PM on August 7, 2010

Yes. I had a job once, and after about six months there found out that one of my coworkers was an at that time very prolific contributor.
posted by AwkwardPause at 12:02 PM on August 7, 2010

All us MeFites stay far far away from each other and never ever gather in a single place

But isn't that kind of the point to living in eastern Washington? To stay far far away from one another? I'd suggest moving if you dislike that. It sounds kind of lovely to me, though.

Eastern Washington is home to the second largest city in the state (Spokane), also just barely in the top 100 largest cities in the US.

As much as I love MetaFilter, I love the greater Spokane area far to much to move just to be able to attend meetups. Sorry, I know it sounds insulting, but it's true.
posted by hippybear at 12:30 PM on August 7, 2010

I'd lurked for years and years before finding out a close friend had an account. nat and the 10th anniversary are what finally motivated me to get one, but since then I've realized all kinds of people I knew had accounts. For example, I managed to stumble upon my ex-boyfriend's best friend by accident. Thankfully, I doubt he'll ever realize who I am, but it did make me wonder if I shouldn't have posted a long spiel about my previous relationship.

I also managed to transform my current boyfriend into a hardcore lurker, and given that he's already been to multiple meetups and met a mod, he should really just bite the bullet and join already.
posted by Diagonalize at 12:46 PM on August 7, 2010

I wear my metafilter shirt a bit more than I should (I have three of the classic blue ones and hate doing laundry). I've only once had someone recognize what the shirt was and admit it. Last Halloween. Someone asked, "What are you dressed as?" Someone else said, "He's the internet."

I also saw someone in Des Moines in a metafilter shirt, but since we were both driving at the time I didn't talk to him.
posted by cjorgensen at 1:03 PM on August 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

I visit a prostitute for weekly S&M sessions, and often ask her to pretend she's a new MeFi admin and to discipline me for double posts and not respecting the site ethos. Does that count as a "reverse meetup"?

If not, I'd be grateful if one of the mods could delete this comment - as I've been a naughty, naughty boy and must be punished, and I really don't want my two teenage kids to read this.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 1:08 PM on August 7, 2010 [17 favorites]

horsemuth and I were next-door neighbors in CT for several years, hung out some, drank at the same bar - and we didn't realize we were both on here until I'd moved to Chicago.

wait I just realized that's 'cause he didn't join until 2 years after I moved so never mind
posted by jtron at 1:11 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I guy I work with recognized my shirt and said that he reads metafilter frequently. The odds are slim, since our company only has 14 employees, and is located in Kansas. So I have a mefi meetup every day I go into work! HAHAHA
posted by hellojed at 1:23 PM on August 7, 2010

i've had a couple of guests on my radio show only to discover during or after that they were Mefites -- Matt Bucher, who runs the David Foster Wallace listserv, and one MC Frontalot, who was on the show with some other possibly recognizable users.
posted by slappy_pinchbottom at 1:29 PM on August 7, 2010

I realized, long after we'd broken up, that a slightly notorious mefite was my ex-boyfriend. I'm not sure if he is aware that I'm also here.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 1:57 PM on August 7, 2010

pxe2000: "I mentioned the Blue in passing at work one day, and someone waiting in line was all "HEY MY HUZ IS ON MEFI" and asked for my user number. Does that count?"

I am not a number! Oh wait, I'm 22558.

These people look deep within my soul and assign me a number based on the order in which I joined. obligatory Simpsons reference.
posted by IndigoRain at 1:59 PM on August 7, 2010

This has happened to me. I worked in the same dept as a Mefite, we became friends, and only discovered he was a long-time user after I saw the familiar shade of blue on his computer screen.
posted by spiderskull at 2:02 PM on August 7, 2010

I met mrmoonpie via some DC blogger meet-ups in the early 00s and then found out we were both MeFites.
posted by terrapin at 2:27 PM on August 7, 2010

I once bragged about a great party I threw at my paw paw's house and turned out he was a mefite too! oh wait...wrong site.
posted by special-k at 2:45 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Wow, there are really still people out there with totally disjunct online lives? Most of the groups of friends or co-workers I've ever had contain a mefite or two, even those that long predate Metafilter.
posted by tangerine at 3:28 PM on August 7, 2010

This is what the mefi t-shirts are for. Although I have never had a mefite come up to me while I'm wearing one. :/

I once saw someone wearing a MeFi t-shirt in Toronto, but I felt strange about saying something to him.

Those who wear the shirts: would you be keen on a "plainclothes" MeFite approaching you?
posted by cranberrymonger at 3:34 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Didn't there used to be a "shop" link at the top of the blue? Are shirts no longer available?
posted by That's Numberwang! at 4:04 PM on August 7, 2010

I ran into a colleague at a meetup.
posted by nat at 4:08 PM on August 7, 2010

Those who wear the shirts: would you be keen on a "plainclothes" MeFite approaching you?

I think it would be awesome if a mefite came up to me in a restaurant and whispered "you should really try the plate of beans here."
posted by desjardins at 4:16 PM on August 7, 2010 [14 favorites]

Are shirts no longer available?

It looks like the only shirts that haven't sold out are men's medium Ride More Than You Drive and women's small tl;dr. I'd guess Matt probably took the link down until he decides to print up new shirts, or some other merch.
posted by maqsarian at 4:40 PM on August 7, 2010

I think ocherdraco met me before she knew who I was.
posted by jonmc at 4:41 PM on August 7, 2010

MrsPterodactyl, calling yourself out as a Maroon certainly wouldn't do much to identify. There are a lot of us here. cue spooky carillon music
posted by catlet at 4:43 PM on August 7, 2010

I wear a classic blue shirt all the time, and I would absolutely love it if someone recognized it, and said something. Then I could browbeat them into attending one of our fabulous Portland meetups. No luck yet, though.
posted by maqsarian at 4:47 PM on August 7, 2010

NikitaNikita and I realized we'd met in real life several years before--about a year after she MeMailed me to ask about tights.

Also, a dude from my grad school used to reblog metafilter links all the time. I called him on it and asked him if he was a Mefite, but he insisted that he only read the links, not the comments.

I still suspect he's lurking. If so, hi Eric!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 5:18 PM on August 7, 2010

Previously.
posted by Jaltcoh at 5:35 PM on August 7, 2010

My wife and Matt Bucher's wife were friends from some online group for mothers of infants born around the same time. We had dinner with Matt and his family and the next day I was looking at the "recent pictures by MeFites page" (it was new, maybe?) and I was all, "That's Matt's kid!". It was.
posted by dirtdirt at 5:35 PM on August 7, 2010

I've wondered the same thing. I work in a really busy public library (4,000 people a day) and I see lots of different computer screens but in ten years I have never seen mefi on anyone's screen. That always made me feel kinda sad. The mefite's I have met at the Toronto meet ups have been quite lovely though.
posted by saucysault at 7:36 PM on August 7, 2010

Does it count if only one of you knows it is an accidental meetup? I was at a bar (surprise!) and starting talking to this gal who kept on telling me I was over-thinking the whole pick up line thing. Its not a plate of beans she said. I never told her I was a mefite too, but I knew. We did have pancakes in the morning.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 8:15 PM on August 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

I think my boss and some of my employees are here, but they don't know who I am. I've got at least one family member here.

mom, if you are here, don't read my posting history. and if you do, don't tell dad
posted by lysdexic at 8:34 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

When fake needed a place to stay overnight in Vegas back during the Russian girls drama, I went to one of my coworkers and asked if I could ask him a really weird favor... then when I started to explain the situation, I found out he'd already read the whole thread. (And he and his girlfriend did put fake up for the night.) My coworker wasn't a member, just an occasional lurker, although I did send him a guest membership after that.
posted by Jacqueline at 8:40 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

Yep, totally. A couple months into my job a co-worker caught me on AskMe. He laughed, and I'm pretty sure he asked me the "hunhunhmatthaughie" question. So, yep it happens.
posted by functionequalsform at 9:18 PM on August 7, 2010

I'd been lurking here for a while when I realized that one fairly prominent commentor on AskMetafilter is someone I know from elsewhere. We only know each other from the internet and I don't think they know I am who I am.

Before you ask, no, I have no plans to say who it is, or who I am. It'll happen when it happens.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 9:25 PM on August 7, 2010

Not all of us have been to meetups.
posted by zarq at 9:46 PM on August 7, 2010

I've found out that some people in my broader social circle were mefites when we both showed up at meetups. I keep expecting more people from my college alumni circles to turn up here, but most of them don't seem to hang here even if they're members.
posted by immlass at 10:00 PM on August 7, 2010

I actually saw someone who looked a lot like mathowie and I was super close to going over to him and asking if he was a Friend of Jessamyn which I think is a non-crazy but meaningful way to check that out. Anyway, if it turns out mathowie was in DC last week, I was that creepy woman staring at you while you waited to cross Wisconsin. Hi!
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 10:01 PM on August 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

There are a few Mefites out here in BFE BC, but I have no idea if I've met any of them.
posted by deborah at 10:12 PM on August 7, 2010

I've been to three non =-meetup social occasions just this year alone that ended up having 3-6 mefites present. We've been calling them quorums and presuming that we're allowed to vote on important matters.
posted by mostlymartha at 10:31 PM on August 7, 2010

I wonder if the probability of this happening is inversely proportional to geographical distance from the Bay Area?
posted by infini at 11:35 PM on August 7, 2010

I was browsing ask one day and clicked on the profile of someone who had given a good answer and it turned out to be a former roommate of mine. The internets are small.
posted by beerbajay at 12:39 AM on August 8, 2010

i'm wondering whether there's an etiquette to behaviour online or nothing changes

i'm overthinking all kinds of things like omg wtf I'll never be able to do an ask me unless I can bury under layers of sockpuppetry and even then come on

that's not fair ... i feel as though i've lost a little bit of what made MeFi my own little hideaway from the real world where my real thoughts could be shared without censoring (well more or less given teh interwebz are crawling with defenders of our peace and justice and way of life and yes I suspect I went to high school with some of you boyz)

And its not that I've not ever not known that over the years MeFi is most likely full of people I'd know if I knew who they were but I keep my eyes half closed on that because we all like feeling we're talking to a bunch of random strangers on the net. and after 15 years of meeting people online you're kinda more or less all over the webz and the world.

but still... its a weird mindfuck and a wonderful thing in a way. the latter because I suspect if there wasn't such a place like this, where its okay to overthink that plate of beans, and everyone stands around and watches while you do it too occasionally making a snarky comment or pithy observation - I'd still be that lonely tormented misunderstood dork in high school, new again in my senior year who has always been told that she "thinks too much"

I hate that accusation. This place is the antidote to everyone out there who can even conceive of the idea that thinking too much is somehow bad for the health and thus must be stamped out assiduously.

hmmm *ponders*

otoh I'm more willing to be authentic cos the webz never die
posted by infini at 2:17 AM on August 8, 2010

[derail]
When Matt gets new shirts printed up, can we get a "Can I eat this" in green?
[/derail]
posted by pxe2000 at 4:52 AM on August 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

can you derail yourself in real life?
posted by infini at 5:06 AM on August 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

can you derail yourself in real life?

I usually just think about baseball. Failing that, me nan on the bog.
posted by gman at 5:58 AM on August 8, 2010

*glares*
posted by infini at 6:12 AM on August 8, 2010

I often flag people in real life and move on.
posted by Obscure Reference at 7:01 AM on August 8, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh my God. That user number is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!
posted by slogger at 7:46 AM on August 8, 2010

and is this an ask me or a callout?
posted by infini at 8:20 AM on August 8, 2010

I love it when you can tell MeFi is the last thing a user does before bed and the first thing they do in the morning.
I'm guilty of it too.
posted by carsonb at 9:08 AM on August 8, 2010

I met Jon_Evil twice in a week by accident cause we were going to the same nerd events.
posted by The Whelk at 9:19 AM on August 8, 2010

I actually wonder how many friends-of-friends are on the site. I know of at least one.
posted by The Whelk at 9:22 AM on August 8, 2010

Yes -- at least one RL friend of mine have joined mefi entirely independently of me (before me, I believe), and I only realised that we were both posting here later, through details dropped in comments. I emailed her and said, "hey, are you X on mefi?" and she was like "yeah, so answer my question already".
posted by jb at 9:52 AM on August 8, 2010

I like the asynchronous random thread spitting ~ kinda like a mashup of spitballs and notes in kindergarten class. at least I don't have pigtails
posted by infini at 10:02 AM on August 8, 2010

What about a gang sign? Like the ASL letters for M and F?
posted by lysdexic at 12:54 PM on August 8, 2010

Asynchronous random thread spitting > reverse meet-ups.

Or so I've heard.
posted by Rhaomi at 12:54 PM on August 8, 2010

I heard they're better for your back muscles apparently
posted by infini at 1:16 PM on August 8, 2010

So what I'm taking from this thread is that we all need badges or something.
posted by The Whelk at 1:35 PM on August 8, 2010

That is, until the Final Meet-up, at which attendance will be required, and from which there will be no return.

Goin' up to the Big Rock Mefi Mountain.
posted by The Whelk at 1:37 PM on August 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

So what I'm taking from this thread is that we all need badges or something.

MetaFilter ID badges:

version 1.0 (discussion)
version 2.0 (discussion)
posted by maqsarian at 1:57 PM on August 8, 2010

I need to get mine Laminated.
posted by The Whelk at 2:12 PM on August 8, 2010

*shoves fist in mouth*
posted by infini at 2:17 PM on August 8, 2010

I was at a farmers' market, all stoned outta my gourd, and some guy asked if I was internet famous. Turned out he read not just the blue but also the gray and was glad I was up on my feet again. It was cool, though I was so slow on the uptake that he probably suspected lead poisoning.
posted by klangklangston at 3:08 PM on August 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

So what I'm taking from this thread is that we all need badges or something.

We don't need no....
posted by hippybear at 3:28 PM on August 8, 2010

I once met a kid on a cross country greyhound bus ride who not only read metafilter as a lurker, but recognized my username. It was a little bit... odd. I mean it's one seriously random thing to be recognized by some random person on a Greyhound bus in the middle of the deep South, it's entirely another thing to be outed as a nerd in the same environment. Especially considering we had just picked up a load of freshly released convicts from some prison in Alabama.

A few months ago (pre hospital) I was turned on to a little side work at a local coffee shop - through a fellow mefite. Turns out the owner and the employees had already read my verbal diarrhea and then later they had read about my adventures with a collapsed lung. They're all cool cats, though, so it was all good.
posted by loquacious at 4:08 PM on August 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Metafilter:I was at a farmers' market, all stoned outta my gourd, and some guy asked if I was internet famous.
posted by The Whelk at 4:27 PM on August 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

The Straightener and I went to college together and were good friends until losing touch after graduation, didn't speak for about ten (13) years and then I dropped him a Memail on here after recognizing him from his profile. Now we talk and hang out all the time. Win.
posted by Pax at 4:41 PM on August 8, 2010 [3 favorites]

Heh.
posted by The Straightener at 5:29 PM on August 8, 2010

Heh.
posted by Pax at 5:35 PM on August 8, 2010

Philly is a crazy-small town for being a big city; my world collide casually all the time, even though I keep my real name and my Metafilter name intentionally dissociated-for-the-Google.

The Straightener and I have a whole circle of friends in common, we totally would have met eventually with or without Metafilter. Tomorrowful and I just learned we have a friend in common via Facebook. 8dot3 recognized me on the 47 bus from an AskMe in which I'd linked to a photo of my hair. I know piratebowling from Metafilter, but I run into her almost daily at times in my neighborhood.
posted by desuetude at 10:12 PM on August 8, 2010

Give your favourite MeFite a hug today

*k, off to beg and plead with the immigration police ;p*
posted by infini at 12:40 AM on August 9, 2010

I was recognized by a MeFite in an airport once. I was not wearing a MeFi shirt but he was which was good because it's a little weird when some random dude comes up to you in an airport and starts yammering at you. Turns out he is awesome and I showed him around the admin panel and even let him ban one of his sock puppets for fun.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:53 AM on August 9, 2010 [2 favorites]

I only recently noticed that a guy I have worked closely with for the last 6 years was a mefite, found because he favorited my answer in askme. I also have a close friend who I've known for 20 years, who posted a link to his own website showing a project that he was working on. It's cool when it's people you're friendly with, I'm not sure what I'd do if it was someone who I didn't like.
posted by doctor_negative at 8:33 AM on August 9, 2010

I have reconciled myself to every aspect of my life having been taken over. What? Can't I even keep a fnucking sockpuppet around here these days, people?
posted by infini at 10:55 AM on August 9, 2010

I think ocherdraco met me before she knew who I was. (jonmc)

Yup, I was selling books at the Strand, and you were schlepping books. I somehow brought up Metafilter, and you pointed at your nametag and said "That says Jon M. Add a C to that and you'll find me on MeFi," (or something like that). You were the first mefite I met "in the wild."

The second mefite I met in the wild is my boyfriend, who wouldn't tell me his username at first, because he was nervous for me to see his AskMe questions. I stumbled across it eventually anyway, and now he's (The Rt. Hon) MP.
posted by ocherdraco at 11:16 AM on August 9, 2010

Since this thread is about etiquette and policy as well, I'll chime in here. I personally have the "don't poke around in other people's headspace" policy. I have turned favourites off and rarely click through anything on someone's profile. I think that might be the healthier way for this community to grow and yet retain the sense of common understanding that communities inherently possess if they are for real. I've been noticing some of the recent grey threads and GRARs and all and there's an increasing ugliness somehow. We've always had an unspoken rule here not to drag in past comments made in other threads. Why not the same for the whole body of works online? Why make it visible to all, maybe only to the profile owner and/or contacts.

Is this a pony? I don't know.
posted by The Lady is a designer at 12:09 PM on August 9, 2010

I used to post some of The Straightener's writings back when there wasn't as much scrutiny about posting stuff from friends. People seemed okay with the posts. I feel pretty decent about having pointed him in MeFi's direction, given how many folks seem to have benefited from his knowledge, experience and humanity over the years.

Grouse saw my badge at a genomics talk one day, turned around from his chair and asked if I was a "friend of mathowie".

I have never been to a meetup, but those are the two folks I have met.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:31 PM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Blazecock Pileon: I have never been to a meetup, but those are the two folks I have met.

That's a shame. The prospects of you coming to the Portland 10th Anniversary meetup filled people with excitement. You should totally come to one. They're always a lot of fun. Plus, if you're traveling, it's a great excuse to grab drinks with locals.
posted by Kattullus at 8:32 PM on August 9, 2010

We've always had an unspoken rule here not to drag in past comments made in other threads. Why not the same for the whole body of works online? Why make it visible to all, maybe only to the profile owner and/or contacts.

Without background detail, we can judge* users only on what they say. Without being able to refer to past statements, we can't even do that, and may as well anonymize all the posts. This would eliminate all human connection gained through this medium, however tenuous.

* "discernment," not "condemnation"
posted by jtron at 9:48 AM on August 10, 2010

I think that might be the healthier way for this community to grow and yet retain the sense of common understanding that communities inherently possess if they are for real.

Wouldn't it be harder to establish a community feeling without the ability to make personal connections?

I've been noticing some of the recent grey threads and GRARs and all and there's an increasing ugliness somehow.

The first quarter of this year was more difficult than I'd seen before. But there have been people venting here since MeTa's opened. At this point, it's more of a feature rather than a bug.

We've always had an unspoken rule here not to drag in past comments made in other threads. Why not the same for the whole body of works online? Why make it visible to all, maybe only to the profile owner and/or contacts.

Speaking only for myself here: I use people's profiles to help me determine whether or not I want to connect to them. Also, if someone posts on a topic I'm interested in, then I might go through their FPP history to see if I find something worth reading. It's nice to be able to do that.
posted by zarq at 9:55 AM on August 10, 2010 [1 favorite]

*chews on food for thought*


that doesn't count as a food or recipe mention, btw, I'm ruminating on the comments made here
posted by infini at 9:57 AM on August 10, 2010

*hands infini some chapati bread, plus homemade pesto*
posted by zarq at 10:33 AM on August 10, 2010

Man, meetups would be so weird if all the comments were anonymous.
posted by ambrosia at 10:47 AM on August 10, 2010

"Hi, I'm the guy who made the AskMe post last month about my hairy goldfish fetish. How are you?"
posted by zarq at 10:49 AM on August 10, 2010

"I'm swamped with work and on a deadline from hell, pass me another chapati"
posted by infini at 11:27 AM on August 10, 2010

zarq????? why'd you disable your account?
posted by infini at 12:04 PM on August 12, 2010

Yeah, that broke my heart when I was told. I hope it's temporary.
posted by Kattullus at 6:59 PM on August 12, 2010

Yeah. I know.


(waits with backlog of hugs)
posted by infini at 12:06 AM on August 13, 2010