Don't blame the victim September 23, 2012 1:40 AM Subscribe
I'm having a problem with some of the responses to this post about being slapped in response to a verbal outburst.
I could be wrong I suppose but I'm reading the situation as the OP being a victim of repeated emotional and violent abuse, and her 'fuck you / I hate you' as a frustrated response while she was being held down and verbally abused. I feel like some people are seeing an equivalence between her actions and her partners and putting some blame on the OP (several comments have some variation of 'neither is okay / you're both to blame'). I think that's both drastically unfair and also harmful given the way the OP's partner seems to be twisting her reality to make it seem like the abuse is her fault.
I don't know how anyone reaches the conclusion that the OP shares the blame in this case except by skimming the question and not noticing the pattern of continued abuse described by the OP. Her inability to tell what's normal and healthy and her tendency to blame herself for this are, to me, really clear signals that she is being emotionally manipulated. She frames the question as if it was her fault because that's the way her abuser wants her to see it.
I'd ask that anyone who is tempted to blame the OP at least take a moment to consider this perspective.
I could be wrong I suppose but I'm reading the situation as the OP being a victim of repeated emotional and violent abuse, and her 'fuck you / I hate you' as a frustrated response while she was being held down and verbally abused. I feel like some people are seeing an equivalence between her actions and her partners and putting some blame on the OP (several comments have some variation of 'neither is okay / you're both to blame'). I think that's both drastically unfair and also harmful given the way the OP's partner seems to be twisting her reality to make it seem like the abuse is her fault.
I don't know how anyone reaches the conclusion that the OP shares the blame in this case except by skimming the question and not noticing the pattern of continued abuse described by the OP. Her inability to tell what's normal and healthy and her tendency to blame herself for this are, to me, really clear signals that she is being emotionally manipulated. She frames the question as if it was her fault because that's the way her abuser wants her to see it.
I'd ask that anyone who is tempted to blame the OP at least take a moment to consider this perspective.
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's request. -- taz
I felt the same way when reading through the responses.
posted by idest at 1:57 AM on September 23, 2012
posted by idest at 1:57 AM on September 23, 2012
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by dchrssyr at 1:45 AM on September 23, 2012