Comments on: Substantiating AskMeFi comments

Substantiating AskMeFi comments

Wordshore — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:04:42 -0800

Quick question about protocol on the human relationships section of AskMeFi. If someone asks a question there which can potentially be answered by just a yes/no answer, is it okay to just answer it with a yes/no, or should one always add reasoning to your answer?

Asking as I just did a yes/no reply on one; typed out reasons why but on reading, thought what I typed was a little too extreme and counter-productive. But now, on seeing the detailed answers of every other person who has commented (pretty much all of us in agreement so far), I'm wondering if the original poster will see it, think "Okay. But why?" and deem it unhelpful. Feeling a bit bad about this. Or another way of looking at it, maybe I shouldn't have commented at all, as answering with just a yes/no reduces my input to an over-simplistic "vote"?

By: cortex

cortex — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:07:14 -0800

It's basically always a good idea to substantiate, and depending on the circumstances there's a reasonable chance we'll remove a one-word "yes" or "no" answer if we see it. Even a short sentence is an improvement, if only to provide the context or reasoning behind what you might otherwise consider a sort of slam-dunk obvious answer.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:07:36 -0800

Add reasoning. Unless it's a sort of "I'm taking a poll" sort of question which are usually against the rules anyhow we want people to say more than just Yes or No. I deleted your answer, please feel free to repost with more information.

By: Etrigan

Etrigan — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:10:31 -0800

There are plenty of AskMes (even, perhaps especially, in the human relations section) where the asker is pretty clearly just looking for permission to do something, in which case there really isn't much more to add besides Yes or No. However, those askers are not really looking for a simple Yes or No vote, and will almost certainly ignore such an answer. So there's no point to doing it.

By: michaelh

michaelh — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:11:47 -0800

Your elaboration is how you prove you know what you're talking about (and entertain your fellow MeFites.)

By: Wordshore

Wordshore — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:18:35 -0800

Cortex, Jessamyn. Thanks; done.

Michaelh "Your elaboration is how you prove you know what you're talking about" Ah yes that makes perfect sense. Cheers.

By: HuronBob

HuronBob — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:30:24 -0800

No.

By: koeselitz

koeselitz — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 14:35:30 -0800

I don't think favorites are the most important thing or anything, but they can be a useful pressure valve for these kinds of situations, at least in my experience. When I read a question and the very fiber of my existence screams out NO! to the point where I must register my opinion, and yet I can't think of anything beyond that to say, I just read through the thread and find whomever stated my NO! most clearly and cohesively and click the little [+], thenceforth happy to move on to whatever's next.

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:11:27 -0800

I've had a couple of yes/no answers deleted in the past. It's always surprised me, especially as the brevity was part of my message and reasoning. But thatay have been what lead to the deletion.

By: drjimmy11

drjimmy11 — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:16:00 -0800

And again, we don't understand human behavior or basic empathy.

If you think someone's complex personal problem can be boiled down to "yes" or "no," and better yet feel that this dismissively marginal answer is part of a larger, invisible "message" you're sending them, maybe just don't answer.

By: Balonious Assault

Balonious Assault — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 15:33:14 -0800

I always always always have to fight the urge to answer Yes in the askme questions where the asker wants to learn how to do something but asks "has anyone ever..." or "does anyone know how to..."

Fortunately I'm able to keep my jerkiness to myself most of the time.

By: Egg Shen

Egg Shen — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 16:44:30 -0800

the brevity was part of my message and reasoning

A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.

By: misha

misha — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 16:50:59 -0800

You could just flip a coin if all you're looking for is a simple yes/no answer to a question. You post a question on AskMe, you're looking for more feedback than that.

I'm with you on having to watch out for long-winded explanations, though. I edit like crazy to try to avoid this, and frequently fail.

Of course, sometimes I edit too much and that leads to hurt feelings or misunderstandings, too, but you can get that just by not editing enough anyway.

For instance, if I were drjimmy11, I would have edited the first sentence of his comment right out!

By: gingerest

gingerest — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:21:54 -0800

A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.

Oh?

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Sun, 21 Oct 2012 17:42:15 -0800

A one-word answer is incapable of conveying either.

Well, it's certainly capable of conveying part of my message, which was that the question really was a yes or no question, and the answer was not really changed by the reams of extra verbiage that sought to obscure the yes or no aspect of it.

And again, we don't understand human behavior or basic empathy.

If you think someone's complex personal problem can be boiled down to "yes" or "no," and better yet feel that this dismissively marginal answer is part of a larger, invisible "message" you're sending them, maybe just don't answer.

Well, a large part of my stock in trade is empathy, and I'm pretty good at it, without any dissembling. Empathy, however, isn't always something that furthers the understanding of the person being empathized with. Human relations would be pretty impoverished if the only acceptable way to relate to another human was to empathize with a problem that might actually be simply solved by cutting the shit.

Regardless, most of my single word answers have not been in "human relations" threads.

By: allkindsoftime

allkindsoftime — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 06:47:59 -0800

No.

By: jessamyn

jessamyn — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 07:40:44 -0800

Human relations would be pretty impoverished if the only acceptable way to relate to another human was to empathize with a problem that might actually be simply solved by cutting the shit.

Be that as it may, if your method of cutting the shit is to issue one word responses it is worth knowing that people may not see that sort of response as particularly helpful and/or see it as potentially confusing. So if what you are trying to do is be clear and understood with your "you need to cut the shit" response, using more than one word is almost certainly a better way to do that. And we feel this strongly enough that we more or less mandate it for AskMe answers.

By: chairface

chairface — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 09:35:15 -0800

Yes and no.

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 11:34:20 -0800

Yeah, jessamyn, that's fine, and I understand it. I was responding to the general sentiment expressed by drjimmy11 that there is something necessarily deficient in a one word response to a seemingly complex problem. I've got no issue with Metafilter policy on the issue.

By: Omnomnom

Omnomnom — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 13:58:57 -0800

I was responding to the general sentiment expressed by drjimmy11 that there is something necessarily deficient in a one word response to a seemingly complex problem.

I think if you answered a question with "No.", I'd understand that you were pretty emphatic about your opinion and sure of your answer. However, I would have no way of judging how qualified you are to give such an answer.
Did you say "no" because you've been there, done that? Did you say it off the top of your head? Do you have llfe experience, professional experience or did you read something wise that informs your no? Or are you some lightweight who's all "Easy peasy: No! Next question!"

I wouldn't know how seriously you took my question and how seriously I should take you. (At least with a long-ish answer you can see that the poster put effort and thought into it. A simple "no" on the other hand can be the product of solid reasoning or a brainfart.)

Also, with some "no"s I get the impression the poster thinks it"s clever bordering on derisive to post a one word answer. Like, "see what I did there? This is how easy to answer your question is and here you were thinking it merits more thought than that."
I mean, probably people don't actually think that but especially in human relations OPs are often a bit distraught and easily misunderstand.

By: OmieWise

OmieWise — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 17:00:56 -0800

Yes, yes, yes, I understand the problem with one word answers. The mods' desire to delete them makes sense. I continue to think that one word answers have their place and do not communicate something about either my empathy or my greater intentions.

By: maryr

maryr — Mon, 22 Oct 2012 21:33:17 -0800

Generally, when more than two people chip in almost immediately with a one word answer, I find it somewhat illustrative - yes, of course more information/explaination is probably needed at some point, but there's something so visceral about wordy folks like Mefites *not* providing further detail.

By: easily confused

easily confused — Tue, 23 Oct 2012 02:10:15 -0800

Yes.
No.

That was blunt, wasn't it? So WHY add more? Adding the reasoning behind your answer helps the poster see more variables than perhaps they saw before, even if it's a simple eat it/toss it question. It can explain how a situation looks from the outside to someone in denial ('yes they're abusive!') or soften the blow of bad news ('I'm sorry, but....'). If someone is looking for specific information ('where can I find x') it can help say why one source might be better or worse than another.