you can't see them

November 1, 2012 7:37 AM

The eyeball leech derail from the cave thread now has a personal anecdote.

Thank you Metafilter for broadening my horizons. Now I'm off to bleach my eye sockets.

and don't get me started on botflies.

posted by leotrotsky to Bugs at 7:37 AM (118 comments total)

please everyone stop talking about eyeballs and things in them or at least put them below the fold i'm already wigged out just seeing it above the fold in that one thread over on the blue gaaaaaaaaaah
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:38 AM on November 1, 2012 [10 favorites]

I don't think it's a derail if it's actually, you know, the pullquote in the post.
posted by OmieWise at 7:45 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I had an eyeball tick once. It hurt really bad and when my field assistant pulled it out of my eye, its front part stayed attached to the underside of my eyelid. That was a not-fun day. (Sorry EmpressCallipygos)
posted by ChuraChura at 7:48 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Eyeball leech: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Eyeball tick: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I'm going to hide in a clean room, now.
posted by rmd1023 at 7:50 AM on November 1, 2012 [6 favorites]

I HATE YOU
posted by Burhanistan at 7:51 AM on November 1, 2012 [9 favorites]

I don't mean to be a spoilsport but these are obviously peeled grapes.
posted by griphus at 7:52 AM on November 1, 2012 [11 favorites]

YOU ARE ALL BAD PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT EYEBALL INSECTS STOP STOP STOP
posted by brina at 7:53 AM on November 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

FLAGGED AS 'OH HELLS TO THE FUCKITY FUCK NO, GET TO THE FUCKING SAFE ROOM'
posted by zarq at 7:53 AM on November 1, 2012 [7 favorites]

Is there an EyeballKid signal? We should really get an EyeballKid signal.
posted by zarq at 7:54 AM on November 1, 2012

Ironically, the EyeballKid signal is a giant leech.

Is that irony?
posted by griphus at 7:55 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was stung or bitten on the eyeball once, my eyeball actually swelled. I was walking to a restaurant near the seaport, felt a sharp pain and looked in a car mirror. There was a tiny bug in my eye. I got it out but soon there was like a blister on my eyeball. It went away pretty quick though.
posted by Ad hominem at 7:58 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Once, my eyes were red so I put some Visine drops in and then they cleared up to their beautiful natural state. Then, there were no threats to their beauty for thousands of miles. The end.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:01 AM on November 1, 2012 [23 favorites]

That was actually neat, because it happened to someone else.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:04 AM on November 1, 2012 [10 favorites]

One time I thought about a leech on my eyeball and I WAS NEVER OK AGAIN.
posted by dirtdirt at 8:05 AM on November 1, 2012 [12 favorites]

Penis fish.
posted by Bruce H. at 8:13 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I was once stung on the eyelid by a bee while riding my bike. Amazingly I didn't crash, fortunately there was no oncoming traffic because by the time I got my eyes back open I was in the oncoming traffic lane.

Sorry, it's not a eyeball story
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:17 AM on November 1, 2012

Relevant?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 8:19 AM on November 1, 2012

nonononononononononononononononononono
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:40 AM on November 1, 2012

no this thread no
posted by Potomac Avenue at 8:40 AM on November 1, 2012

Go on, touch it!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:47 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Normally an eyeball leach would bother me but having read the novel Matterhorn by Karl Marlantes the bar for horrifying leech stories has forever been raised.

Ouch. I'm cringing just thinking about it.
posted by bondcliff at 8:49 AM on November 1, 2012

If you're curious and you know you are, I highly recommend this National Geographic article, "Tyrant King" Leech Discovered, Attacks Orifices.

There are photos. Here is a caption of a particular one, emphasis added:
"The new species joins Dinobdella ferox (shown sucking on a human eye) as one of the few leeches that feast on only mammals' mucus membranes. Photograph courtesy PLoS ONE."

So, when's the next meet up?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:51 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I used to be a caver like you. Then I took a leech to the eyeball.

repeating memes i don't understand since 2007
posted by moonmilk at 8:52 AM on November 1, 2012 [10 favorites]

I hate all of you. I am wearing safety googles for the REST OF MY LIFE.
posted by WidgetAlley at 8:53 AM on November 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

Oh god things attached to eyes. I posted on the green about this creepy thing attached to my leg at the beach and found out it was a fish louse, which led to googling, which led to finding one attached to an eyeball, which of course I had to share, which led to the usual "OH GOD NO" response, and jessamyn posting "I clicked it, it's okay."

I'd like to think that jessamyn is just as morbidly curious as I am, but I realize she was probably just checking to make sure it didn't warrant a deletion for being terrorchatfilter. Maybe a little of both.
posted by SugarAndSass at 8:53 AM on November 1, 2012

Anyway, maybe some videos of insects being extracted from human ears would be a good unicorn chaser here.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:56 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have eyeballs.
posted by ook at 9:05 AM on November 1, 2012

I wish I didn't.

Okay, not really -- I don't want to be blind, but I am so ommetaphobic that I can't even watch people put in contacts. Going to the eye doctor is agony for me. So let's just say the phrase 'eyeball leeches' is about the worst two words I can imagine together. I wish I'd never read it, but having done so, I appreciate knowing what thread to avoid.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:09 AM on November 1, 2012

Dinobdella ferox (shown sucking on a human eye)

Oh holy shit. I was picturing, like, little tweezer-sized mote-in-thy-eyeball leeches. That is... really something.
posted by ook at 9:10 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have eyeballs I keep in an empty Ragu jar, though it still had Ragu when I put the eyeballs in it.
posted by item at 9:16 AM on November 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

One of my professors told a story (possibly apocryphal) about a biologist who was concerned about the extinction of a specific eye parasite, so he deliberately infected himself with it.

I simultaneously admired his dedication to his life's work and was horrified by the idea of eye parasites. I never found out what the specific parasite was- there are hundreds of possible candidates.
posted by winna at 9:17 AM on November 1, 2012

I was picturing, like, little tweezer-sized mote-in-thy-eyeball leeches.

Yeah, that fucker is closer to plank length.
posted by griphus at 9:17 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

But won't the leech suck out all your eye juice and leave you with one eye and then a little white raisin in the other eye socket?
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 9:20 AM on November 1, 2012 [6 favorites]

And why beholdest thou the Ixodes scapularis that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the Dinobdella ferox that is in thine own?
posted by MsMolly at 9:21 AM on November 1, 2012 [13 favorites]

That's why you need a leech in each eye for balance. Yin and yang.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:22 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Turns out there are lots and lots of images of Dinobdella ferox online. Turns out that in addition to eyeballs they also attack the nose and esophagus. Turns out I need to edit /etc/hosts to block google searches for the next few hours.
posted by ook at 9:22 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

I have a thing about eyes. I just think about them, especially things happening to them, and my eyes begin watering and become jittery. I just read the fucking title of that post and it was instant traumatization.

I haven't read a single comment because I'm sure its full of eye stuff. I just wanted to register a solid, "Fuck you and all your eyeball related stuff you fucking fuckers" now that a Meta is open that I can type in.
posted by charred husk at 9:30 AM on November 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

What the fuck people, I don't get a trigger warning for this?
posted by eyeballkid at 9:31 AM on November 1, 2012 [27 favorites]

I was going to ask about the evolutionary strategy of attaching yourself *only* to bigger animals' eyeballs, thinking "how often is that going to be able to happen, really?" but then I read the National Geographic article that Brandon Blatcher posted and found out that in addition to eyeballs, these leeches use their "teeth to saw into the tissues of mammals' orifices, including eyes, urethras, rectums, and vaginas".

Which is much better.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:32 AM on November 1, 2012

You must not be a Pixies fan, then.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 9:32 AM on November 1, 2012

Well, that would have made more sense directly underneath the comment I was responding to. What a waste.
posted by Ice Cream Socialist at 9:32 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

For those who need to know, the countries you can now never visit are Peru and Taiwan.
posted by jph at 9:41 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

Bahhh, leeches — harmless. It's the eyeball scissors you need to watch out for!
posted by heyho at 9:46 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

About two weeks from now I'll be in the Amazon. They have Candiru there!

(SFW link, but anyone still clicking on links in this thread deserves what the get)
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:53 AM on November 1, 2012

"..that men would tie a ligature around their penis while going into the river to prevent this from happening. Other sources also suggest that other tribes in the area used various forms of protective coverings for their genitals while bathing, though it was also suggested that these were to prevent bites from piranha."

Damn this is going to be fun.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:56 AM on November 1, 2012

What the fuck people, I don't get a trigger warning for this?
posted by eyeballkid at 12:31 PM on November 1

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
posted by zarq at 10:00 AM on November 1, 2012 [9 favorites]

If the line was "Put in the eye leech", I might finally understand the length of that Roddy Piper/Keith David fight.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:02 AM on November 1, 2012

Hey! Leecher! Leave them lids alone!

All in all it's just another tick in the eyeball.
posted by argonauta at 10:07 AM on November 1, 2012 [10 favorites]

This is why it's a good thing I don't have a little brother. "Do you want to see the sailboat or not?"
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 10:08 AM on November 1, 2012

I turned on the discovery channel years ago to watch the operation, which they showed back then, and there was a close up of the surgeon sewing, and as the camera pulled back, it became clear he was sewing the guys eye. Yes, the patient had had a new lens fitted, and they were sewing his eye up. Jesus. Harry. Christ.
posted by marienbad at 11:00 AM on November 1, 2012

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE

HFS, I'm actually grateful we lost the img tag.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:19 AM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THESE THINGS EXIST NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.
posted by sarcasticah at 11:34 AM on November 1, 2012

Iris I had never seen these.
posted by maryr at 11:48 AM on November 1, 2012 [4 favorites]

Yes, the patient had had a new lens fitted, and they were sewing his eye up. Jesus. Harry. Christ.

Yeah, that's what the white lines are in the photo I linked: scar tissue where I had stitches on my eyeball. You know you wanna look.
posted by heyho at 11:56 AM on November 1, 2012

I have never wanted a nope button so hard in my life.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:34 PM on November 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

One of my favorite travel stories is Redmond O'Hanlon's hilarious book about his expedition to Borneo. At one point he thought he was in the jungle eating spaghetti and wondering why the spaghetti strands were so short. Turns out he was eating leeches.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH.
posted by HeyAllie at 12:38 PM on November 1, 2012

And just a warning for the squeamish about that link to the comment: Once you've read it, you can never un-read it. If you, like me, couldn't even handle contact lenses touching your eye, do yourself a favor, and just move on.
posted by .kobayashi. at 1:32 PM on November 1, 2012

You wanna hear about the week I had chicken pox? Yup, one on the eyeball.
posted by carsonb at 1:40 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

When my seasonal allergies get really bad, the "whites" of my eyes turn red and swell so much they sometimes puff up over the edges of my irises. While I have never considered treating the condition with eyeball leeches, I am now vaguely curious about what the result would be...
posted by unsub at 1:52 PM on November 1, 2012

As a medical transcriptionist, I sometimes would have to type up surgical procedures done on the eye (not too often thank goodness). The one that I really really really hated was an eye enucleation where, for whatever reason, they were removing the entire eyeball from the socket, described (and transcribed by me) in excruciating detail. The worst was the time I had to type that procedure while I was pregnant and squeamish. I would type a few lines, then lay on the floor with my feet on my chair until I recovered, then type a few more. It was a long afternoon.
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit at 1:55 PM on November 1, 2012 [8 favorites]

You wanna hear about the week I had chicken pox?

Really? No photo?
posted by heyho at 2:23 PM on November 1, 2012

Dinobdella ferox is just trying to be friendly.
posted by scruss at 2:24 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I had Robin Leach in my eye once. He was shooting footage for a pilot for Eyeballs of the Rich and Famous, only I was not rich and only famous for having Robin Leach shoot a pilot in my eye. It was very tautological. And there was swelling afterward.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:52 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

WHY YES THAT WAS ME WHO JUST SCREAMED URGGGGHH WHY DO YOU ASK?
posted by Joey Michaels at 2:56 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

OH GOD I MAY NEVER UNCRINGE WHY DO I KEEP CLICKING LINKS????
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:08 PM on November 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm going to paste my comment in that thread here because so far no one has even attempted to answer the question and, dammit, I really need to know.

I think we're all missing the point here. What is the process for coaxing a leech out of your eye with meat and salt? I'm assuming you can't just set some hamburger down on the table and say, "Hey leech, let's make a deal." One must actually apply raw meat to the eye, I'm assuming. Is that like holding a steak up to your eye when you get a shiner? Do you have to hold your eyelid open so that the meat is in contact with the eye itself? How does this work? And what about the salt? How on earth does one try to rid oneself of an eye leech -- with salt -- without making the eye problem exponentially worse??

Anyone?
posted by mudpuppie at 3:52 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can only assume that the salt and raw meat thing is to give you enough distracting things to do until the leech is satiated and drops off on its own.
posted by ook at 4:26 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

That anecdote made my eyes water. Literally.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:41 PM on November 1, 2012

No, silly. You fry up the ground beef as patties and then stand over the skillet. The greasy steam will lure the leech away from your eyes and into the hot pan! Leechburgers!
posted by Burhanistan at 4:52 PM on November 1, 2012

No no. What you do, right, is you roll the raw hamburger in ground glass, then press it against your open eyeballs, holding the meat in place with, say, 12 or 14 sewing needles. You lay on your back and get an assortment of cockroaches and rats to eat the meat from your eyeballs, which in turn gets them to devour the leeches. Then you cauterize the wounds from their bite marks with lemon juice or rubbing alcohol, whatever you have handy.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 4:58 PM on November 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

Never put salt in your eyes salt in your eyes...
posted by Burhanistan at 5:04 PM on November 1, 2012 [5 favorites]

Leechburgers: a little bit of you in every bite.
posted by Burhanistan at 5:06 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

All of this makes me feel better about the time I had a bad reaction to a cat and the white part of my eye got swollen out past my eyelashes. I'm glad I treated it with steroid drops and ice instead of, ya know, leeches.
posted by nat at 5:33 PM on November 1, 2012

Oh hey guys what's going on in this thre--
posted by Evernix at 5:41 PM on November 1, 2012 [7 favorites]

The one that I really really really hated was an eye enucleation where, for whatever reason, they were removing the entire eyeball from the socket, described (and transcribed by me) in excruciating detail.

I found a video. Quick, someone make an FPP!
posted by zarq at 5:55 PM on November 1, 2012

I'm not normally squeamish, but zarq's video made me squeam.
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:19 PM on November 1, 2012

So, you probably don't want to watch a Leech in Eye Socket then - "The leech has entered into the eye-socket of a shepherd while drinking water from natural fresh water springs in an endemic area."
posted by unliteral at 6:24 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

WHY DO YOU DO THESE THINGS
posted by odinsdream at 6:40 PM on November 1, 2012

Never put salt in your eyes salt in your eyes...

...always put salt in your eyes, always put salt in your eyes.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 6:47 PM on November 1, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm sorry, people, but I'm still struggling with this. I feel like a generally prepared outdoorswoman. I know a lot of first aid info. But I'm now wondering what I should do if I'm out on the trail and find myself or a companion with leech eye. I can't think of a single first-aid scenario that involves either meat (raw or cooked) or salt, and I'm concerned that I've just identified a dangerous gap in my knowledge. Are either of these known Things, or are they just ideas that sound maybe-sorta-somewhat plausible when you're at the bottom of a cave and your first aid kit is not providing an obvious eye leech solution?
posted by mudpuppie at 6:49 PM on November 1, 2012

(Please don't make me waste an AskMe on this.)
posted by mudpuppie at 6:51 PM on November 1, 2012

According to Google, pulling on it or burning it may cause it to regurgitate into your eyeball. Probably best to let it be. I'm sure that after awhile you just stop noticing it.
posted by dephlogisticated at 6:57 PM on November 1, 2012

regurgitate into your eyeball.

Just when I thought the thread couldn't POSSIBLY get any worse....
posted by zarq at 7:17 PM on November 1, 2012 [7 favorites]

So, you probably don't want to watch a Leech in Eye Socket yt then - "The leech has entered into the eye-socket of a shepherd while drinking water from natural fresh water springs in an endemic area."

You are right. After watching that, I would agree that I probably didn't want to watch it.
posted by Forktine at 7:24 PM on November 1, 2012

Yeah, like I'm going to stop noticing it after a while. Just whistle and pretend it's not there. It's a damn eyeball leach people!
posted by arcticseal at 7:38 PM on November 1, 2012

Would make a great conversation piece though. "Oh hey, looks like you have a smug of some mascara on your OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK"
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 7:40 PM on November 1, 2012

Mudpuppie, I can't speak to leaches but I've seen people get botflies out by putting a piece of raw meat over their hole. I'd imagine leaches react similarly.
posted by ChuraChura at 8:58 PM on November 1, 2012

Weren't these in Prometheus?
posted by ArgyleMarionette at 9:16 PM on November 1, 2012 [3 favorites]

Why I can never get lasik . . . I read somewhere once that the frequently cut the flap in your eye in one room, and then walk you to another room to perform the actual LASIK. All I could think was "Oh god, the eyeball juice, the eyeball juice is going to fall out!"

Leeches, of the eyeball? That would likely kill me as I clawed my eyeball out and subsequently bled to death . . .
posted by [insert clever name here] at 11:49 PM on November 1, 2012

When I had an operation for a slowly progressing retinal detachment from an accident (bungee cord) that had happened a couple of months before, my surgeon popped my eye out of its socket (the "enucleation" SweetTeaAndABiscuit talks about above) rested it on my cheek, and in the course of a five hour operation, froze parts of the back of it with liquid nitrogen, dissected the white part all around where the socket hides the eyeball and sewed a thick silicone rubber band (a "buckle") under that dissected flap of the white, then popped it back into my head and sewed closed the cut in the outer corner of my eye that he'd made to get the ball out in the first place.

My eye looked like a big lump of freshly ground raw hamburger for a couple of months, and bulged out of the socket well beyond its usual considerable prominence for weeks.

I did not wear a patch or worry about how it looked all that much, and the double-takes hardly registered after the first week or so, but toward the end of the time it looked really awful, six weeks or so after the operation, I happened to be looking at books in a big bookstore, heard a noise beside me on that side and glanced down to meet the gaze of a little four year old girl whose mother was looking at books in the same section, and gave her a big smile.

At which she gave a piercing scream, buried her face against her mother's legs and started bawling at a volume and in a tone that drew patrons and staff from fifty feet around.

That did embarrass me and I wore a patch on and off for a while, but it made me feel like I was in costume and I hated it.
posted by jamjam at 12:13 AM on November 2, 2012 [8 favorites]

So I once had a cat hair stuck in my eye under the lid. My sister's boyfriend, an ER doc, managed to scoop it out using a toothpick and a tongue depressor.
posted by dazed_one at 12:22 AM on November 2, 2012

I'm also a member of the eyeball leech club, which is so small I wasn't aware of any other members until today. As far as I remember (it was more than 20 years ago) we got it out with salt water and possibly some tweezers or something.
posted by plant at 1:04 AM on November 2, 2012

So if eyeball parasites bother people so much, what about that parasite that swims up a fish's mouth, snips off its tongue than attaches itself in its place and lives that way for years?
posted by MartinWisse at 1:16 AM on November 2, 2012

Mudpuppie

I am not sure about the meat thing, but saline solution works, apparently. So now we know, if any of us should happen to have our very own eye leech - saline solution.


Yes, I looked it up for you, because I wanted to know as well. Now I am going to scream a whole lot.


I mean, I have a collection of glass eyes, some of which came with... provenance. By which I mean stories about eyes and the wide variety of awful things that can happen to them. And ... NOPe NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
posted by louche mustachio at 3:00 AM on November 2, 2012

So if eyeball parasites bother people so much, what about that parasite that swims up a fish's mouth, snips off its tongue than attaches itself in its place and lives that way for years?

what
posted by OmieWise at 3:00 AM on November 2, 2012

This would be the tongue parasite. It's harmless to humans, but in the case of the fish it swims through the gills, feeds off the blood from the tongue causing it to become necrotic from lack of blood. After the tongue eventually drops off, the Cymothoa exigua clamps onto the muscular stump left behind and functions as a replacement tongue in the host, feeding on blood or mucus in the mouth. Beyond the loss of tongue the fish incurs no real damage, even the tongue issue is negated once the parasite clamps on.

Like I said, Cymothoa exigua are harmless to humans. When alive, they may nip, but otherwise we aren't their target prey.
posted by Inner Universe at 4:00 AM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

dazed_one, I occasionally get one of my dog's white hairs (yeah, she apparently has "hair," not fur) in an eye and it drives me insane, because it's totally invisible. I can't see it in the mirror, my husband can't see it, and ACK I'M GOING TO LIVE WITH THIS DOG HAIR IN MY EYE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. But using copious quantities of eye wash somehow always eventually coaxes it out.

It's better than a leech, at any rate.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:06 AM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Like I said, Cymothoa exigua are harmless to humans. When alive, they may nip, but otherwise we aren't their target prey.

Depends what your definition of harm is, 'cause THEY'RE FREAKING ME RIGHT THE FUCK OUT.
posted by OmieWise at 7:13 AM on November 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

So if eyeball parasites bother people so much, what about that parasite that swims up a fish's mouth, snips off its tongue than attaches itself in its place and lives that way for years?

Fun fact, you are now overly aware of what may or may not be your tongue.

[obligatory xkcd link. Happy November!]
posted by maryr at 7:34 AM on November 2, 2012 [2 favorites]

Hey, I think the parasites in that movie The Bay are based on the fish-tongue-parasites. I've only seen the trailer, but it looks creepy (and in the movie they most certainly ARE harmful to humans).
posted by maryrussell at 7:47 AM on November 2, 2012

"Honey, I never said you were fat. It was my tongue parasite."
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 8:01 AM on November 2, 2012

BRAIN SLUG PARTY FOR PRESIDENT
posted by schmod at 8:25 AM on November 2, 2012

Almost 200 comments across 2 separate threads, and no-one has pointed out that the eyeball leech in question is, in fact, the Daily Mail? And not just any eyeball leech, but one from ancient Greek myth. Enticing us in with their gaudy photo page, then feeding and swelling on our lifeblood before bursting all over the nation of the UK in a deluge of bile and pus every morning, then magically reconstituting overnight and doing it all again the next day.
posted by Jakey at 8:49 AM on November 2, 2012

MetaFilter: It leaves a trail of slime across the front of your cornea that puts everything out of focus.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 11:28 AM on November 2, 2012

I read a forum thread somewhere recently where someone bought and cooked a whole snapper, only to discover a delicious tongue parasite. There were pictures.

I'm totally not linking it. But, uh, y'all might want to buy your fish pre-fileted.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:14 PM on November 2, 2012

Metroid Baby: "I read a forum thread somewhere recently where someone bought and cooked a whole snapper, only to discover a delicious tongue parasite. There were pictures."

Of course there were pictures. This is what the Internet's for: parasites.

(And cat pictures. But the cats have parasites.)
posted by subbes at 3:32 PM on November 2, 2012

NO THE INTERNET IS NOT FOR PICTURES OF CAT PARASITES YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
posted by louche mustachio at 3:05 AM on November 3, 2012 [1 favorite]

MetaFilter: It leaves a trail of slime across the front of your cornea that puts everything out of focus.

... else it gets the hose again.
posted by odinsdream at 4:47 AM on November 3, 2012

Metafilter: sawing in to orifices...
posted by blue_beetle at 7:13 AM on November 3, 2012

I was picturing, like, little tweezer-sized mote-in-thy-eyeball leeches.

If the one in my eye was the same kind as the ones I stopped bothering to pull off my feet as I panicked my way down the mountain, that's the size it was before it started feeding which is probably why I didn't notice its arrival.

By the time it dropped off it was about 3cm long and 1cm thick. Yes, I did stop to check it out.

I feel like a generally prepared outdoorswoman. I know a lot of first aid info. But I'm now wondering what I should do if I'm out on the trail and find myself or a companion with leech eye.

I'd recommend attending to all the other leeches that the eyeball one is undoubtedly distracting you from. I didn't - I panicked blindly and ran - and by the time I got back to civilization I had about thirty on each foot, mostly between the toes. Those bites itched long after the red eyeball of doom had returned to normal.

The thing about leeches is that all the damage happens early on, as they're chewing their way in to get blood to flow. Once that's done they're pretty content just to sit and sip until they're full, at which point they drop off by themselves.

I found that tears washed out the slime in a couple of minutes. Nasty couple of minutes, though - that whole wrinkled white raisin thing was definitely on my mind.

HTH. HAND.
posted by flabdablet at 9:54 PM on November 3, 2012

Aren't the parasites why we love the cat pictures so much?
posted by maryr at 11:18 PM on November 3, 2012

"Tears washed out the slime."
posted by Burhanistan at 11:56 PM on November 3, 2012

Needs a MetaFilter: tag.
posted by flabdablet at 1:49 AM on November 4, 2012

posted to Bugs.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 10:17 AM on November 4, 2012

A couple of years ago I had the cornea of two dead people sewn into my eyes.
posted by elroyel1327 at 2:34 PM on November 4, 2012 [3 favorites]

I see through dead people?
posted by flabdablet at 3:59 PM on November 4, 2012

Then I won't tell you about the surgical procedure that was recommended to me last year.
It is known as vitrectomy, in which the gel in the back of the eye (between the lens and the retina) is removed and carefully detached from the retina. The gel is then replaced with a sphere filled with an inert substance (silicone or oil).

I imagined gruesome scraping, but apparently they use a micro-vacuum. They do not, at least, use eyeball leeches.

I got a second opinion. I imagine I'll have to have this operation someday, but NOT THIS YEAR PLEASE.
posted by bad grammar at 4:02 PM on November 4, 2012

That time when I was a kid at summer camp and walked through the cloud of little tiny flying things that always hovered together in one spot, and all day it felt like something was in my eye, and then while rubbing my eye out came a huge ball of eye schmutz with a little dead formerly flying thing in it?

I just wanted to share.
posted by zippy at 1:28 AM on November 5, 2012