Hi. Lets all agree not do this. June 16, 2013 6:02 AM   Subscribe

I was reading along...

and here comes this answer:

If the sex roles were reversed, you would have just described a milder version of date rape. Be frank with this woman. Explain to her that she isn't alone because of the men in her life but because her aggressive behavior is setting her up for failure. Said gently, with your clothes on and completely sober, and it might help her to change her tactics and find real happiness.
posted by myselfasme at 23:50 on June 16 [+] [!]


How about we not throw around accusations like that. Also, lets understand that it is a binary concept; it either is or isn't.

And I'm not even going to get into all the other things about this answer that are rather...disappointing. Lets just stick with the important one.

I brought this up in a meta because I don't want this site turning into a site (tumblr) where this kind of stuff is par for the course.
posted by hal_c_on to Etiquette/Policy at 6:02 AM (12 comments total)

Yeah, we really want to discourage "X is like rape" sorts of comparisons everywhere on the site. I squinted at that comment several times (and it was flagged a couple times too), and finally sort of leaned toward "not necessarily an autodelete" – with a question mark... and decided to ask the other moderators what they think when they're around. I'd be interested to hear what people think.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:11 AM on June 16, 2013


I think that this example is a milder version of a derail* - and as such we have in fact all agreed to not do this.

* it's just plain bad historiography. Like those "what if Beethoven hadn't been deaf/Hitler hadn't had a mustache" type of questions. Especially important in Ask to keep in mind: the question was this, not that other thing.
posted by Namlit at 6:15 AM on June 16, 2013 [3 favorites]


That, and the specific problem with the comment's content.
posted by Namlit at 6:18 AM on June 16, 2013


That, and the specific problem with the comment's content.

Which is that it trivializes actual rape.
posted by Salamander at 6:26 AM on June 16, 2013 [3 favorites]


I too choked on my coffee reading that.

That comment manages to be both misogynist and misandrist at the same time. Well done!
posted by spitbull at 6:28 AM on June 16, 2013 [14 favorites]


What the OP is describing is nothing like rape, date or otherwise, because it was consensual. And the definition of rape does not depend on the sexes of the people involved, so "if the sex roles were reversed.." is irrelevant. This is about as useful a comment as those people who complain about the IRS "raping" them in April. I think it should be deleted as offensive. That it is also bad advice just makes that deletion easier.
posted by hydropsyche at 6:29 AM on June 16, 2013 [17 favorites]


Yep. Deleted.

Here's what it said:

"If the sex roles were reversed, you would have just described a milder version of date rape. Be frank with this woman. Explain to her that she isn't alone because of the men in her life but because her aggressive behavior is setting her up for failure. Said gently, with your clothes on and completely sober, and it might help her to change her tactics and find real happiness."
posted by taz (staff) at 6:32 AM on June 16, 2013 [4 favorites]


Thanks for pointing this out. Flagged. Yikes.
posted by windykites at 6:32 AM on June 16, 2013


Oh hey- good tag.
posted by windykites at 6:33 AM on June 16, 2013 [1 favorite]


How about we flag it and move on and not post the commenter's name in MeTa for public shaming? That's kinda the point of deleting, after all.
posted by Etrigan at 6:42 AM on June 16, 2013 [7 favorites]


Seconded. Maybe this would be a good one to close up quickly?
posted by mintcake! at 6:49 AM on June 16, 2013


Yeah, I do think we're all pretty much in accord here, so I'll go ahead and wrap this one up.
posted by taz (staff) at 6:55 AM on June 16, 2013 [2 favorites]


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