That's a lot of beanplating. October 24, 2013 4:29 PM   Subscribe

"Thieves in Cookhill, Worcestershire, sliced through the side of a truck and made off with more than 6,000 tins of beans and sausages."

Is it bad that I thought of MeFi when I read this blurb?
posted by mrbill to MetaFilter-Related at 4:29 PM (71 comments total)

No.

Posting to MeTa about it, though? We're waiting for the verdict to be handed down.
posted by ardgedee at 4:50 PM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


This should be in Projects, if it's an inside job.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:01 PM on October 24, 2013 [16 favorites]


We beanplate that much, but we're kinda critical of too much sausage.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 5:02 PM on October 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


All that meat.

And no potatoes.
posted by The Whelk at 5:09 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


But did they have any plates?
posted by marienbad at 5:10 PM on October 24, 2013


Police are appealing for information, especially about anyone trying to sell large quantities of Heinz baked beans in suspicious circumstances.

I would have been suspicious of anyone trying to sell me large quantities of Heinz baked beans even before I read this.
posted by double block and bleed at 5:19 PM on October 24, 2013 [19 favorites]


It's bad that you were reading Boing Boing.
posted by slogger at 5:23 PM on October 24, 2013 [6 favorites]


Doesn't everyone buy their beans off the back of a truck?
posted by Slap*Happy at 5:25 PM on October 24, 2013


I wasn't there! You can't prove anything!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:25 PM on October 24, 2013


I contacted Duke, the talking dog in the Bush's Beans commercials, and he said nothing.

Of course, if the perpretartors could smuggle these "beans with sausage" into the U.S., a quick label change and they could be sold as "Beanie Weenie" and no one would ever be the wiser. (Interesting that it's 'currently unavailable' on Amazon, eh?)
posted by oneswellfoop at 5:38 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Has anyone been spotted in the area trying to conceal a giant can-opener like the one used to open the "outer tin" (i.e., the truck)?
posted by wenestvedt at 5:46 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Did they have cameras?
posted by The Whelk at 5:49 PM on October 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Not a porkist.
posted by y2karl at 6:03 PM on October 24, 2013


If only they had also stolen some kind of sauce or condiment to go on the beans and sausages. Something rich, complex, with a bit of an aged, fermented tang - something that might add depth to even bland foods. If only there were something like that around.
posted by Miko at 6:37 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


obviously they're trying to start up a jet propulsion lab
posted by pyramid termite at 6:38 PM on October 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


All that meat.

And no potatoes.


At least they'll be able to have their pudding.
posted by stevis23 at 6:48 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Setting up another damned sausage party.
posted by The Whelk at 6:51 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


This should be in Projects, if it's an inside job.

Only if they created a web presence for the project. Otherwise, it's more of an IRL thing, but only before the fact.

You UK folks should have a meat up at the trial.
posted by Jahaza at 6:53 PM on October 24, 2013


This is just to say
That I have eaten the beans and sausage
That were in the semi
And which you were probably saving
For London

Forgive me
I'm feeling a little gassy
OH GOD, RUN!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:53 PM on October 24, 2013 [14 favorites]


Do you know why cows stare at you like that?
They know how much of their brethren you've eaten.
posted by planetesimal at 7:54 PM on October 24, 2013


Actually, I'd prefer pancakes.
posted by anastasiav at 8:34 PM on October 24, 2013


If that guy meets up with the guy who made off with all the Pappy Van Winkle, it'd be a real party.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 8:56 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Thief to girlfriend: "Can you help me hide the sausage?"
GF: "Not tonight dear, I have a headache."
posted by JohnnyGunn at 9:01 PM on October 24, 2013


Are these the kind of beans you put on toast? If so, be on the lookout for a truckload of bread going, too.


-I've always wondered what kind of beans go on toast.
posted by annsunny at 9:22 PM on October 24, 2013


"To my way of thinking, there's nothing that can't be cured by a big ol' pot of beans. Except maybe bean fever."
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:54 PM on October 24, 2013


Cocoa beans in the form of Jason's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter is the answer to your toast riddle.
posted by planetesimal at 9:56 PM on October 24, 2013


Somewhere the guys who pulled off the great Canadian maple syrup heist are feeling mighty foolish about now.
posted by The Whelk at 10:16 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


The iconic UK Heinz beans tin is so much better looking than the one we have in Canada. Just look at this wack-ass bullshit.
posted by Sys Rq at 10:51 PM on October 24, 2013


Just look at this wack-ass bullshit.

We're sorry.

Due to an internal problem, the page you have requested cannot be displayed.


Yeah, beans can give me internal problems too.
posted by Drinky Die at 10:54 PM on October 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Ahem. Wack-ass bullshit.
posted by Sys Rq at 11:01 PM on October 24, 2013


Beano before beans: Good - beans before Beano: Not so good. That is the Law.
posted by y2karl at 12:02 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


This is an awesome Meta
posted by Blasdelb at 2:11 AM on October 25, 2013


The thieves were last seen on a German motorway heading for the ausfahrt.
posted by MuffinMan at 2:16 AM on October 25, 2013 [3 favorites]


Oh, heck. Stories about my home (birth) county are never good. At least it wasn't the badger that did it this time.

Probably.
posted by Wordshore at 3:22 AM on October 25, 2013


I tee-hee'd when IRFH said semi.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:30 AM on October 25, 2013


I'm going to go ahead and close this urp. I mean urp. Shit I have the urp Hiccups. Anywaurp youre all banned.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 6:03 AM on October 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


In an alternate universe, they were stopped in the act, but turned out to be a Jane's Addiction tribute band slash comedy prank improv group, and immediately began performing their parody single "Bean Caught Stealing".
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:20 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


cortex: In an alternate universe, they were stopped in the act, but turned out to be a Jane's Addiction tribute band slash comedy prank improv group, and immediately began performing their parody single "Bean Caught Stealing".

Beano for Pyros?
posted by Rock Steady at 7:36 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Porno for Beanos
posted by MuffinMan at 7:40 AM on October 25, 2013


I love everyone on this weblog.
posted by tzikeh at 7:42 AM on October 25, 2013 [4 favorites]


I had nothing to do with it, I like diamonds.
posted by clavdivs at 7:50 AM on October 25, 2013


A coincidence?
posted by billiebee at 7:50 AM on October 25, 2013


I'm surprised somebody didn't spot those dicks, as spotted dick usually follows beans and sausage.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:15 AM on October 25, 2013


Was that a bit saucy? I always get that way around Worcestershire.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 8:18 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Only if they created a web presence for the project.

"Fork this on Github"

That's another question. Baked beans - do you eat them with a fork, or a spoon?

For me it depends on the consistency of the sauce.
posted by mrbill at 9:07 AM on October 25, 2013


If plate, then fork; if bowl, then spoon.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:09 AM on October 25, 2013


I know I'm overthinking this, but I can't stop picturing how many 6000 tins are and how you would move two pallets without waking somebody up. Like how tired must you be to not hear this happening.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 9:16 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


"what's that horrible clanging noise outside dear?"

"oh probably just another fox."
posted by The Whelk at 9:20 AM on October 25, 2013


Why choose? That's why sporks were invented.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 9:54 AM on October 25, 2013


(*barking spiders)

I've bean caught stealing;
once, at half past 10.
I enjoy beans.
It's just as simple as that.
Well, it's just a simmering vat.
Add sausages, does
What it says on the tin.

I cut right through the truck.
Cut right through the truck.
Up all night! Wished I would die,
Been slimed. My, oh my!

My girl, she had some too.
She had to go and get a new skirt.
Toss her undies and shirt.
She burned incense for a week.
And she still couldn't air out her flat.
When she wants some links,
Oh, God, does she pay for it.

We cut right through the truck.
Cut right through the truck.
Up all night! Wished I would die,
Been slimed. My, oh my!

We sat around the loot.
Shart and poot.
Shart and poot and
Wave gasping for air!
And we did it just like that.
When we want some links,
We really wish we didn't give a shit.

We cut right through the truck.
Cut right through the truck.
Up all night! Wished we would die,
Wished we would die,
Die, die, die, die, die, die....
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:04 AM on October 25, 2013 [7 favorites]


Now you just have to remake the video.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 10:09 AM on October 25, 2013 [2 favorites]


sliced through the side of a truck

God, they must have had one hell of a can opener!
posted by The 10th Regiment of Foot at 10:25 AM on October 25, 2013


Truck had a little key attached that you pop up and twist as a strip of metal peals away all the way around.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:31 AM on October 25, 2013 [6 favorites]


Cocoa beans in the form of Jason's Chocolate Hazelnut Butter is the answer to your toast riddle.

Related: thought you were sick of pumpkin? It gets worse. I saw chocolate peanut butter with *peppermint* in Target last night. Chocolate mint peanut butter.
posted by maryr at 10:53 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


The thieves were last seen on a German motorway heading for the Ausfahrt

Sorry you must have misread that. The thieves were last seen on a Swedish motorway, first speeding through a genomfart, then diverting off the road by ways of an utfart, while almost crashing their car on a farthinder. Now they are fart fart away and over the hills.
posted by Namlit at 10:54 AM on October 25, 2013 [1 favorite]


Fencing beans must be a rather specialised niche. Look for Scouts camping nearby.
posted by arcticseal at 2:43 PM on October 25, 2013


Fencing beans must be a rather specialised niche. Look for Scouts camping nearby.

Or a low-budget production of Tommy.
posted by TedW at 6:01 PM on October 25, 2013




People try to get us beaned.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 9:59 PM on October 25, 2013


We're all plated.
posted by The Whelk at 10:15 PM on October 25, 2013


I bean plating on the What Ev ...
posted by y2karl at 11:44 PM on October 25, 2013


We're all plated.

Beana patina...
posted by y2karl at 12:09 AM on October 26, 2013


legumetallic
posted by y2karl at 12:12 AM on October 26, 2013


Mama's got a beanbag
Daddy don't sleep at night.
posted by The Whelk at 12:16 AM on October 26, 2013 [2 favorites]


Live at Beans was pretty good.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 12:30 AM on October 26, 2013


the beans are alright
posted by pyramid termite at 2:25 AM on October 26, 2013


"Forget it, Jake. It's Beansandsausagetown."
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 3:54 AM on October 26, 2013


In other news...
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 12:17 PM on October 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


As the storm of the century gathered off the coast of England, the Mad Doctor readied his machine, his purloined cans of "ammunition" loaded into the hopper...

"They said I was mad. That my ideas weren't worth a fart in a windstorm. Well, I'll show THEM a fart in a windstorm! I'll show them ALL!"
posted by Slap*Happy at 2:52 PM on October 26, 2013 [1 favorite]


Won't get beaned again.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 7:02 PM on October 26, 2013


OMG. This is like the perfect junction of two of T.U.M.'s Patented Folksy Horrible Family Humor stories. Both sides of the family.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:57 AM on October 27, 2013


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