Comments on: Welcome New Member banner?

Welcome New Member banner?

feelinglistless — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:43:38 -0800

Now that membership has opened again, how about greeting new members on the front page just after they've joined with something like, 'Metafilter welcomes [insert link to username and profile'. It's always good to get a hug when you arrive at a party.

By: matteo

matteo — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:50:42 -0800

Yeah. A hug. And a basket of fruit. And a bottle of champagne.

And a pony.

Or, simply, a big billboard:
"Get your own weblog, fuckwit"

By: SpecialK

SpecialK — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:52:47 -0800

*snort* Love it. Make it big, and use both BLINK and MARQUEE tags so that they get the clue.

By: signal

signal — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:53:03 -0800

I propose changing:

There have been X links and X comments posted since your last visit.

to

There have been X newbies assimilated since your last visit.

By: donkeyschlong

donkeyschlong — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:53:55 -0800

what's with all this rah-rah snuggly-bear crap lately? seems like we're either shitting on newbies or trying to stepford-wife them into a false sense of camaraderie. can't we just stick to the freakin' format? if people are coming here expecting a "hug" (what?) ... ack. this is why we have posts about "my friend's suicide" and user flameouts like sdb, bunnyfire and neu.

color within the lines, please!

By: thomcatspike

thomcatspike — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:56:11 -0800

I thought Meta-talk was the welcome mat.

false sense of camaraderie

Tough skins is what I thought all the rubbing was for.

By: Yelling At Nothing

Yelling At Nothing — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:58:15 -0800

Perhpaps we could write an "If you're new, click here!" thing that would explain all the weird terminology.

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 13:59:46 -0800

It's always good to get a hug when you arrive at a party.

Except for the lingering touch of everybody's favourite Portuguese "uncle". That one made me really uncomfortable.

Also, this Achewood strip.

By: Steve_at_Linnwood

Steve_at_Linnwood — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:02:40 -0800

Or, simply, a big billboard:

"Enter at your own risk"

By: donkeyschlong

donkeyschlong — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:06:19 -0800

or: "if you loved us, you'd swallow."

By: Wulfgar!

Wulfgar! — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:15:25 -0800

A old nautical map with an arrow pointing to MetaFilter land: "Here there be Monsters".

By: Yelling At Nothing

Yelling At Nothing — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:22:21 -0800

Or, "You'll never work again."

By: timeistight

timeistight — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:29:29 -0800

Now that's a tagline.

By: Galvatron

Galvatron — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:36:07 -0800

Don't touch me, you freaks.

Seriously, if the other newbies are anything like me, they are happy enough just to be able to obtain a membership. The hugging, back-slapping and groping are completely unnecessary. A pony, on the other hand, would be very cool. Or maybe one of those broomsticks that I keep hearing about. If I understand correctly, they actually vibrate...

By: feelinglistless

feelinglistless — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:39:18 -0800

The best party I ever went to, one of host greated people at the door with a tube of pringles. Maybe we could try that instead...

By: mcwetboy

mcwetboy — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:39:43 -0800

I love the idea of artificially constructed warm fuzzies automatically generated by a couple of lines of ColdFusion code.

By: The God Complex

The God Complex — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:51:28 -0800

The hugging, back-slapping and groping are completely unnecessary.

Speak for yourself as far as inappropriate groping goes. Forget warm fuzzies, how about something a little more risque: "Welcome. Metafilter would like to thank.. actually, Metafilter just wants to rub your leg slowly and make you uncomfortable while you eat your dinner." Or maybe "Metafilter welcomes you to... wow, nice Meatfilter."

yes no?

By: cell divide

cell divide — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:53:31 -0800

how about just open up a MetaTalk thread automatically for them. hey USERNAME, MetaTalk, buddy! can greet them when they arrive, and the oldtimers can spend a few hours excoriating them for crimes they might commit.

By: gummi

gummi — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:56:22 -0800

Bah. Just pop a link to a flash movie that plays a cute little "welcome!" message with bits of confetti flying about.
It was good enough for me when I ~~snuck in~~ joined.

By: konolia

konolia — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:57:52 -0800

Metafilter: Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here.

By: picopebbles

picopebbles — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 14:58:53 -0800

Snugglycode on demand? No problem. Go here (and type your first name in at the prompt). Instant impersonal non-pony satisfaction for all ruffled (but beautiful, intelligent, fabulous, great to work with) MeF users.

By: mad

mad — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 15:00:36 -0800

I think donkeyschlong needs a big hug.

{{{{donkeyschlong}}}}

By: picopebbles

picopebbles — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 15:02:52 -0800

erg. MeFi users. Also, it works even better if your username is unusual (what a beautiful name fishfucker).

By: moss

moss — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 15:04:49 -0800

MetaFilter: huuuuuuuuuugs!

By: evanizer

evanizer — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 15:40:05 -0800

I will personally sleep with all new male MetaFilter members. They will be responsible for their air fare to New York, however.

Anyone want to take care of the new female members?

Hey, come to think of it, we have plenty of gay boys, but where are the Meta-Lesbians? I can't think of a single one...

By: thomcatspike

thomcatspike — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 15:46:06 -0800

picopebbles thanks, your our new welcome mat.
On second thought no one should be stepped on and have their name covered in mud........;)

By: geekyguy

geekyguy — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:25:09 -0800

Ok, DonkeySchlong cracked me up.

I agree with Galvatron, I'm just glad to be here.

A cool option to have links open in a new window, a la blogdex on comment pages would be cool . . .

By: Danelope

Danelope — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:29:03 -0800

Haven't you heard, Evan? Lesbians avoid MetaFilter like the plague, because it's just another gayboyzone.

I'm going to start scouring the Internet for guys with Spontaneous Projectile Vomiting Syndrome and Uncontrollable Bowel Eruption Disorder. And then I'm gonna encourage them to join MetaFilter. And then we'll see how many new members you're willing to sleep with, Mr. Izer.

By: RJ Reynolds

RJ Reynolds — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:39:07 -0800

Oh, evan's totally into gunge and watersports, you can't scare him with that.

Back on topic: they hug you at parties in Liverpool, feelinglistless? Are these... raves? In any event, I am of the belief that comfort and camraderie leads to sloppy links and comments. A healthy sense of fear keeps you fresh on MeFi. As soon as i got comfortable here, my input totally turned to trash. Like right now.

By: timeistight

timeistight — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:48:31 -0800

geekyguy: you can do that here:
http://www.metafilter.com/contribute/customize.cfm

By: UKnowForKids

UKnowForKids — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:52:21 -0800

I think that Justin Timberlake and/or Britney Spears should personally go down on each and every new member. Old members get their choice of Debbie Gibson or that guy from Flock of Seagulls.

By: geekyguy

geekyguy — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:52:22 -0800

doh.

Thanks, timeistight. I do however like the on page option that blogdex offers.

By: feelinglistless

feelinglistless — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:52:35 -0800

RJ, sometimes. And kisses to. I wish they were raves. Envious? I mean everyone seems to hug each other in the tv shows set in New York we see over here. Big lie, or don't you go to those kinds of parties?

By: feelinglistless

feelinglistless — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 16:53:31 -0800

Debbie Gibson please. Various reasons.

By: pikachulolita

pikachulolita — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 17:08:05 -0800

evanizer: maybe all the girlies are bi. i am. bisexuality repraZENT!

By: yhbc

yhbc — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 17:43:07 -0800

How's about something like:

Huzzah!

By: evanizer

evanizer — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 17:44:56 -0800

pikachulolita- Cool, I hadn't thought about the fence-sitters among us, my apologies!

I wonder if there are any bi-boys, besides PinkStailessTail?

Boy, this thread is drifting, drifting away from the topic, isn't it?

By: evanizer

evanizer — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 17:46:46 -0800

That should be PinkStainlessTail, by the way...

By: yhbc

yhbc — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 17:55:52 -0800

Eeyeesh. (which is not a comment on bisexuality, by the way). Not only did I completely fail to adequately set up that "set off your own damn fireworks display" link, I now see it has an annoying tendency to crash a browser, if not an entire system.

Use at your own risk. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 17:59:52 -0800

I wonder if there are any bi-boys, besides PinkStainlessTail?

Calvo wore off when I got home to th' wife. Knocked the gay right back out of me.

(Tho' I am touched Evanizer, that you remembered that comment. Or freaked. Maybe one from each column there...)

By: yhbc

yhbc — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 18:01:44 -0800

I'm sorry, am I in the wrong bar, or is it just the wrong night? I'll just leave now ...

By: ctartchick

ctartchick — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 18:29:50 -0800

Can't speak for bi boys, but 'nother female fence-sitter right here!

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 19:46:28 -0800

I don't want to know about any more of our fellow Mefites' sexual proclivities, thank you very much.

Unless you're a hot bi babe.

By: donkeyschlong

donkeyschlong — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 20:30:07 -0800

Can't speak for bi boys, but 'nother female fence-sitter right here!

upon first blush, i read that as "female face-sitter." heh.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 20:40:48 -0800

UKnowForKids, I've already had the dubious honor of turning down the Flock of Seagulls guy (wish I were kidding), so does that mean I get Justin? Cool. Young men have so much energy. wo0f!

By: UKnowForKids

UKnowForKids — Fri, 27 Sep 2002 21:44:50 -0800

whatnot, it means you get Debbie Gibson. I'm sorry, but the rules are *quite* clear on that.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 08:50:31 -0800

UKnowForKids: how about Adam Ant....mmmmm...or the Spandau Ballet brothers.....double-team mmmmm...
(I only have a certain Sweathog and Bill Blass and two guys from soap operas on my permanent record)

By: Zulujines

Zulujines — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 09:06:48 -0800

pikachulolita and ctartchick: I haven't been this excited since...well, you know. ;-)

Now if only I could find an east coast version of mr_crash_davis, life would be perfect. *sigh*

By: mediareport

mediareport — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 10:04:37 -0800

where are the Meta-Lesbians? I can't think of a single one...

bas 67 outed herself. So did amberglow. Pretty sure Sapphireblue is lesbian, too. I'm sure there are more.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 10:17:01 -0800

mediareport: I'm a nancy boy (and a little light in the loafers, and a friend of Dorothy, etc)--but welcome our crypto-lesbian overlords!

By: mcwetboy

mcwetboy — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 11:05:18 -0800

Um. Sapphireblue is engaged. To a boy.

By: evanizer

evanizer — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 11:46:10 -0800

Are you sure he's a boy? I mean, have you really checked? If not, I will happily do it!

(Oops! Sorry Michelle!)

By: Zulujines

Zulujines — Sat, 28 Sep 2002 16:23:07 -0800

Holy hole in a donut evanizer--you gotta calm down. Or get laid. Or both. :-)

By: mediareport

mediareport — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 12:37:33 -0800

I'm sorry, amberglow and Sapphireblue, but I have minutes from last week's meeting of The Community right here and you are both clearly listed as Lesbians. Now, if you're claiming the Classification Committee has made an error, you can always file an appeal that will register you as Temporarily On The Fence, but until then I'm afraid you'll just have to live with the dyke designation. If you do not have a cat, one will be issued to you shortly by the Rules Committee. Sapphireblue, the matter of your "engagement" will be on next week's agenda.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 13:12:43 -0800

I'm pretty sure amberglow's listing as a lesbian is a mistake, due to the fact that amberglow is male.

However, far be it from me to dispute the Classification Committee. I don't want to end up listed as "eunuch".

By: mediareport

mediareport — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 13:17:08 -0800

I'm pretty sure amberglow's listing as a lesbian is a mistake, due to the fact that amberglow is male.

A minor technicality. A new Committee is being formed.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 13:32:43 -0800

OK, I'll be a lesbian with a permanent strap-on and an excessive hair problem....is that ok with the Committee? ; >

A minor technicality. Hey! I may not be enormous, but "minor"?!? (highly offended)

I don't want to end up listed as "eunuch" boy, this Committee is tough! Is Rosie on the Board?

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 13:34:45 -0800

oh, and i want one of those scary hairless cats! and i'm still waiting for my pony! Can the Committee get on that please?

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 13:41:34 -0800

oh (again-but last one I promise), Has the Toaster-Appropriation Committee been slacking? (I can open my own appliance store by now!)

By: squasha

squasha — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 21:33:22 -0800

Relative-newbie-hot-bi-(albeit-married-well-over-a-decade-to-a-straight-boy) babe here to say it's MetaTalk like this that is more than enough welcome, thank you very much...besides, ponies have always given me the creeps.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sun, 29 Sep 2002 21:43:06 -0800

Anyone want to take care of the new female members?

[horshak]

Ooooh!!Ooooh!!OoooH!!

[/horshak]

By: realjanetkagan

realjanetkagan — Mon, 30 Sep 2002 01:14:57 -0800

feelinglistless: You don't touch me "with a tube of pringles" 'cause I might chop off more than you'd like. Euw. DISgusting. Eat something real for once, sweetie...!

By: ltracey

ltracey — Fri, 04 Oct 2002 09:01:27 -0800

Hi, I'm ltracey, and I am a lesbian.