Fine, fine, insult the invisible man here.

October 6, 2003 1:41 AM

In the post regarding the Fred Phelps putting up an anti-homosexual memorial in Casper, Wyoming and the insuing religous discussion regarding said terms, I am posting this thread so everyong can get what they need to say out, whatever it is.
posted by Keyser Soze to MetaFilter-related at 1:41 AM (122 comments total)

This sounds like a Metatalk holdup at the Mathowie corral. Im callin' you out!

i don't get it. i need to say i don't understand the need for this metatalk thread.
posted by quonsar at 3:09 AM on October 6, 2003

That's 'cause there ain't one, cowboy. Now hand me the assless chaps, and no fast moves, y'hear?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:19 AM on October 6, 2003

pre-emptive metatalk threads.

what next?
posted by crunchland at 3:41 AM on October 6, 2003

Thank you, Crunchland. You gave me something to snicker about during my morning commute today.
posted by Orb at 3:45 AM on October 6, 2003

Now hand me the assless chaps, and no fast moves, y'hear?

get over here, you.
posted by quonsar at 3:59 AM on October 6, 2003

everyong can get what they need to say out

Dance! Dance! The computer demands it!

Thanks! I feel better now.
posted by tss at 4:51 AM on October 6, 2003 [1 favorite]

I wish to complain about something that may not have been posted yet but I am certain that whatever/whenever it is it will offend me in some way.

It's just that I've got a couple of seconds spare and so I thought I'd bring it to the group's attention now rather than worry later if I can't post due to some work getting in the way.

Thank you.
posted by i_cola at 4:54 AM on October 6, 2003

So where do you take a MetaTakl thread if you have a complaint about it or think it shouldn't have been posted? MetaDoubleTalk?
posted by Space Coyote at 5:36 AM on October 6, 2003

assless chaps are typically full of shit...
posted by twine42 at 5:37 AM on October 6, 2003

pre-emptive metatalk threads.... ;)
posted by dabitch at 5:49 AM on October 6, 2003

Dear Keyser Soze,

Thank you for your interest in MetaTalk. We appreciate your suggestions and will be sure to forward them to the appropriate parties.

Please let us know if there is any way we can help you further. Your business is important to us and we look forward to your continued patronage.

Sincerely,

The Cabal

posted by The Cabal at 5:50 AM PST on October 6


.
posted by taz at 5:54 AM on October 6, 2003

I just wanna say that joking about my name isn't funny any more. ever since I started working at the library, it seems like every tom, dick, and maude has had to make light of the fact that I share a name with the author of spencer novels. HAR DE HAR HAR get bent, granny!
posted by mcsweetie at 6:00 AM on October 6, 2003

I am posting this thread so everyong can get what they need to say out, whatever it is.

For years now I have wanted to make a stainless steel car out of old cutlery. Thanks for listening. That is all.
posted by ashbury at 6:14 AM on October 6, 2003

I am posting this thread so everyong can get what they need to say out, whatever it is.

I am compelled to smell my earwax after I dig it out, and generally enjoy the smell, strangely funky as it usually is. Thanks for listening. That is all.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:25 AM on October 6, 2003

Oh and insomnyuk, don't attack my website because I disagree with you. Thanks. Be an adult for once.
posted by skallas at 9:20 PM PST on October 5


Rather than bother with the self-evidently false logical fallacies in the argument, this last part is particularly interesting because of its ad hominem nature. One would think people could grow up and move on.

I swear to God I haven't fucked with his site for like 3 weeks, at least.
posted by insomnyuk at 6:53 AM on October 6, 2003

I smell funny. And I don't care. Love me, love my funk, baby.
posted by jonmc at 6:55 AM on October 6, 2003

Dance! Dance! The computer demands it!

My anus is bleeding!
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 6:55 AM on October 6, 2003

I've been holding this in for the longest time. I am relieved that there's finally a place for me to tell something to the world ... something I haven't specifically expressed to my wife or my closest friends... but now I know I can proudly proclaim it to the world...

I am a straight, white American male of Protestant persuasion.
posted by crunchland at 7:01 AM on October 6, 2003

My anus is bleeding!

My anus is bleeding, and I couldn't be happier!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:04 AM on October 6, 2003

I am a straight, white American male of Protestant persuasion.

I never would have guessed.
posted by jonmc at 7:06 AM on October 6, 2003

I find the flashbacks of Will and Grace's relationship in college incredibly moving.
posted by rcade at 7:07 AM on October 6, 2003

When I was a child, I thought I would learn to pick my nose, but I never got around to it. Now I worry that I'm doing it wrong. Am I?
posted by soyjoy at 7:12 AM on October 6, 2003

Now I worry that I'm doing it wrong. Am I?

Yes.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:20 AM on October 6, 2003

I am posting this thread so everyong can get what they need to say out, whatever it is.

Anything you wanna say for yourself?

Actually, yes. First of all, I'd like to say hello to all the taxpayers, and screw you. And second of all, I'd like to take a little bit of our national network airtime to advocate that I be allowed to masturbate in public buildings.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 7:53 AM on October 6, 2003

Bah.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:05 AM on October 6, 2003

>I swear to God I haven't fucked with his site for like 3 weeks, at least.

Great! Thats like three weeks of sobriety. Keep up the good work kid.
posted by skallas at 8:25 AM on October 6, 2003

This has me laughing so hard and I'm trying not to laugh out loud lest my co-workers wander by to find out whats so [bleeping] funny and now I'm crying and in pain from holding the laughter in and I think my contact lens just came out...

I honestly don't think I've laughed this hard since the last time I had sex.
posted by anastasiav at 8:37 AM on October 6, 2003

I secretly love hot chicks who kick my ass.
posted by WolfDaddy at 8:59 AM on October 6, 2003

Me, too.

I love hot chicks who kick WolfDaddy's ass.

I feel so alive....
posted by jonmc at 9:14 AM on October 6, 2003

Are you coming out to us, WolfDaddy? Because that definitely deserves a thread of its own.
posted by orange swan at 9:34 AM on October 6, 2003

For years now I have wanted to make a stainless steel car out of old cutlery

Dear Ashbury,

Thank you for your post. Your ideas intrigue me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

Tell me, do you intend to melt the cutlery before refashioning it into the SHAPE OF! A CAR! Or do you perhaps plan to merely jam the forks together *makes wodgey-wodgey motions* into something that's roughly car-shaped, or at least sufficiently not-noncar-shaped? Because while I applaud your industry, only a gap-toothed homosexual Stalinist would do the former.

Yours sincerely,

Brigadier Arthur Pewtey (Mrs).
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:55 AM on October 6, 2003

Are you coming out to us, WolfDaddy?

Wouldn't that be... coming in?
posted by soyjoy at 10:07 AM on October 6, 2003

Dear mathowie:

I'd like to lodge a complaint about every post on this thread, including this one of mine.

Based on your past history of even-handedness and fair play, I trust you will do the right thing and ban everyone.

Love and kisses,

Crash
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:08 AM on October 6, 2003

Yes, it's all true. I'm a closet heterosexual.

But online-only.
posted by WolfDaddy at 10:12 AM on October 6, 2003

I'd just like to say that I'm very close to deploying an orbiting anvil delivery system and as soon as I get the proper GPS coordinates entered into my PDA, I'm going to flatten everyone in this place who I deem to be a colossal sphincter.

Keep watching the skies.
posted by MrBaliHai at 11:08 AM on October 6, 2003

Tears.. streaming.. nose.. spitting.. all because I'm trying to keep from laughing outloud.
posted by dness2 at 11:16 AM on October 6, 2003

i love you
posted by donth at 11:42 AM on October 6, 2003

I just like to say that my latest novel "Wank Yourself to Death" is due out in the next two weeks.
posted by johnny novak at 11:51 AM on October 6, 2003

Ok, it's finally happened - this thread made me make a mess of my monitor and keyboard! Thanks and hugs to all!
posted by Lynsey at 12:04 PM on October 6, 2003

my latest novel "Wank Yourself to Death" is due out in the next two weeks.

If it's to the death, then how come you're still here to tell us about it? Wanker, wank thyself.
posted by MrBaliHai at 1:50 PM on October 6, 2003

You'll find out the secret to the whole thing when you read the sequel, "Bleep Yourself Alive."
posted by soyjoy at 1:53 PM on October 6, 2003

" I am posting this thread so everyong can get what they need to say out, whatever it is."

Well, thank you. I have a lot to say. And before this thread there didn't seem to be a good place to put it. Thank you for giving me a place to put it.

The official US investigation into Iraq's weapons of mass destruction has been released. This investigation included interrogations of Iraqi scientists and government officials, unfettered searches of all possible weapon sites, and concludes a ten year investigation into Iraqi WMDs by the most experienced people to ever exist in this field. The results of this investigation? Nothing. None. Nadda. Zero. Not one drop of toxin, not one speck of poison, not a single spore. Not almost nothing, but actually, exactly, nothing.

Bush responded that this report *proves* Saddam had chemical and biological weapons, and he was a danger to the world. Yes.......... he actually said that.

George Bush, our president, who supposedly has a college degree, and who claims to no longer drink heavily or snort cocaine, said that failure to find anything was proof "that Saddam Hussein actively deceived the international community, [and] was a danger to the world".

Ummmmm............ Since he disarmed as asked, he's a dangerous liar. Bush actually said that. Out loud. In public.

WHAT
THE
FUCK
BUSH????????

But......... It doesn't even end there. It gets better. Oh yes it does. You wouldn't think it could. But this *is* George Bush. Captain Crotch Harness. The Wonder Weasel.

Bush now says that since we haven't been able to find anything (zip zero nadda), that means we need to spend $600 million more so that we can find something. Yes.......... he actually said that.

How about........... No. Game over. Please stop dumping my tax money....... oops, sorry........ the next 20 years of my tax money, down the toilet. Covering *your* ass isn't worth $600 million. Okay? If it's so important that you cover your ass over this stupid war to "take out" the guy who tried to kill your dad, then grab a fucking shovel and go find some WMDs yourself. STOP WASTING OUR MONEY ON THIS BULLSHIT!!!!

Schools can't buy books and you want another $600 million to cover your ass. Bullshit.

Bush has put us in a position where we are standing alone, and making a mess of things. In the eyes of the world we no longer stand for freedom and democracy. We now stand for military power and unilateral arrogance.

Meanwhile, just the recent addition to the Iraq bill, $87 billion, is roughly the same size as the entire GDP for either Egypt or Iran. And the total so far is, in real dollars adjusted for inflation, roughly double the four year cost of the Marshal Plan after WWII. And of course that was to rebuild all of Europe. And the Marshal Plan involved more than twice as many people as we have in Iraq.

These numbers are not adding up. What the hell?

Meanwhile the possibility of seeing Karl Rove frog-marched out of the Whitehouse in handcuffs got a large boost recently when journalists started "leaking" (off the record) that, yes, it was indeed Karl Rove who had revealed the identity of the CIA operative.

Here's the interesting bit - Journalists are ethically bound not to reveal sources, so they won't say on the record that it was Rove. But if the investigation goes before a judge they can be compelled to reveal the info. So Ashcroft has to make sure this thing never sees the inside of a courtroom. In other words: Cover up.

Also, the Whitehouse is on record as saying it was definitely *not* Rove. In other words: Cover up.

The cool phrases we will get to use in the upcoming election just keep coming. First "Captain Crotch Harness", now "frog-marched in handcuffs."

Can someone, anyone, who supports the president please explain to me what the US administration is doing? We need to suck it up, admit mistakes were made, and get some help. "But today, the White House pretty clearly wants some outside infusion of support. And yet the president cannot seem to muster more than insults and threats about U.N. irrelevancy when he speaks to the General Assembly." And it's not just Iraq - The economy, the deficit, jobs, education. Things are getting worse every day. Why haven't they dropped the "stay the course" strategy? Why? Does anyone support this? Anyone?

The Bush administration is IMHO one of the most evil groups of people to ever be placed in power. Yes, yes, certainly not as evil as the Spanish Inquisition or the Nazis, but definitely getting closer to that every day.

Whatever. There isn't anything we can do about it. We're stuck in Iraq with no way to get the troops home. The president and vice president are telling well documented lies every single time they speak publicly. The Patriot Act is being used against common criminals.

I give up. We need to vote the lying bastards out. But we can't do that yet. And in the meantime they don't care what anyone thinks. So we're stuck up shit creek and I've gotten weary of flinging poo. I give up.

So in the face of a presidential onslaught against most of what is great about my country the bat smoocher and I decided to tour some of the wonderful museums SoCal has to offer. These pictures are from the Los Angeles natural history museum. They have a wonderful mineral collection. Of course under the Patriot act, minerals can now be considered weapons of mass destruction. We also went to the medieval torture museum in Balboa Park. Where we couldn't help but think about the hundreds of people Ashcroft is still holding without charge. Then over to the Museum of Man for some wonderful cultural exhibits. Along with some discomfort over the administration's need to belittle any culture more sophisticated than a Texas Bar-B-Q.

I'm becoming more and more morose about the whole Bush/Iraq situation. Could things get any worse? Seriously. We need more troops in Iraq, and the pentagon admits that, they just insist those troops need to be from other counties. (which is a fantastic idea in my opinion) But the administration isn't doing what they know it would take to get foreign troops involved. Europeans think we suck at nation building (and we do) so they aren't going to join the war until someone else is in charge of the nation building. Of course Bush doesn't have enough spine to allow that, so we won't get the troops the pentagon says we need.

It's very depressing.

Sure we have plenty of successes in Iraq. But Iraq, the war, the terrorist threat....... all those things are getting worse. We should be fighting terrorists, but Bush's NeoCon experiment in Iraq (a place that didn't have any terrorists before we showed up) is sucking the resources we should be using to head off terrorism.

Paul Wolfowitz said yesterday that we need to "project confidence" about the Iraq situation. He was being asked by congress what the plan was now that things were turning out to be much harder, and much more expensive, than he had originally told them it would be. He replied that things were going fine and we need to "project confidence". In other words, the emperor *is* wearing clothes, and people who say otherwise need to stop doing that, because it's really bringing everyone down.

It's very depressing. The people in charge are asking us to not question their decision, especially when the expectations they set turn out to be wrong.


Bush Report Card

Economy: D+ (nothing has worked)
Foreign Policy: F (everyone hates us)
Domestic Policy: None
Budget: FFF- (way beyond record deficits)
Civil Rights: F (holding without charge now legal)
Military Spending: A+
Environment: D (industry drives policy)
Stopping Terrorism: F (from bad to worse)
Truthfulness: F (lying to start a war)
Employment: F (hope dwindles)
Taxes: A or D (depending on your wealth)
Nuclear Proliferation: F (dormant programs restarted)

New Bush-speak entries:

Minor setback: Our troop occupation creates a civil war, fails to restore power and water, draws terrorists like flies to shit, leads to budget nightmares, and fails to turn up any of the things we said we went to war for.

Central battleground of the terrorism war: A country with no ties to Al Qaeda, that has never threatened the US, that didn't seem to have any terrorists until we opened the door, and that terrorists have been condemning for the last ten years.

Making the world safer: Calling allies names, poking potential nuclear powers with a sharp stick, giving a free pass to Saudis linked to terrorists, refusing to allow adequate troop levels (and thus making us look weak), daring pissed off Arabs to attack our troops, and fanning fear and anger.

Enemies of freedom: Enemies of Bush policy. Or other countries in general. And in particular, groups who have never said a single bad word about freedom.

Adequate troop strength: A desperate need for other countries to follow up on our unilateral "liberation" by sending hundreds of thousands of troops to stabilize the situation.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:08 PM on October 6, 2003

Oh. And...............

And where the hell is all the moral outrage? We crucified Clinton for lying. And all he lied about was sex. Heck, we even got a great economy and wonderful foreign relations in return for the lie. Sounds like a pretty good trade right about now. Sure, Bush's poll numbers are falling, but where is the anger? We hated Clinton for a lots less it seems to me.

The difference between Clinton and Bush is that Clinton just went through life trying to be effective, Bush has lived his whole life learning how to recover from total screw ups. Both men are shady. Bush is just much better at that.

And the things Bush does - unjustified war, stagnant economy, crippled foreign policy - are things he knows people will forgive him for because we supported the things that led up to them.

Most Americans have wanted to invade Iraq for ten years, so he gets a free pass on lying to get us there and then failing on the rebuild. Most Americans hate France and the UN in general, so he gets a free pass when no one will help us now. Most Americans like the sound of "tax cut", so he gets a free pass when we end up worse off for it.

Conversely, most Americans think it's unacceptable for someone who we trust to represent us to bend his intern over his desk and cum on her clothes while conducting our business on his phone.

You see the difference?

With Bush: "Well, at least he tried."
With Clinton: "You've have got to be *#$@*&! kidding me."

Of course the other difference is that Clinton was extremely effective and successful, and Bush has failed at absolutely everything. But we don't impeach or get outraged at presidents for that. In fact after Bush Sr. and Reagan we sort of expect it.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:10 PM on October 6, 2003

It's only loosely based on my own life.
posted by johnny novak at 2:11 PM on October 6, 2003

come on. there must be more,y6. let it all out.
posted by crunchland at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2003

I'll be posting my recipe for garlic pecan fried chicken in a bit, but I guess that's it for now.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:12 PM on October 6, 2003

me ♥ y6y6y6!

did i just say that?
posted by quonsar at 2:29 PM on October 6, 2003

Mmm. Garlic pecan fried chicken ...
posted by yhbc at 2:29 PM on October 6, 2003

come on. there must be more,y6. let it all out.

Yes, y6y6y6, we demand your opinion on the California recall! Grope by grope, paw by paw--in detail. Where's the outrage there, buddy?
posted by y2karl at 2:33 PM on October 6, 2003

I, for one, am tired of the new paradigm of semi-formal shoe -- they're all a bunch of fucking bowling shoes! You know the ones I'm talking about, by Steve Madden and Camper, et al. I think even Simple makes a pair. Well, guess what, hipsters? Owning a pair is tantamount to declaring to the world, "I don't have an original fucking bone in my body! I saw another man wearing Eurotrash footwear and I ran out to copy him! I cannot think for myself!" I had to buy shoes for a wedding this weekend and they all made me look like a greasy, square-footed Italian clubgoer.

Note: the above also applies to women with blonde streaks in their hair and men with jautily cocked faux ironic trucker hats and/or aviator shades.

Go to hell.

You go to hell and you die.
posted by dhoyt at 2:36 PM on October 6, 2003

"we demand your opinion on the California recall!"

Can someone, anyone, who supports Arnold for governor please explain to me why you would vote for someone who refuses, flat out, to engage in a public debate without being given an opportunity to see the questions and memorizing the answers? Especially when he's never been in charge of anything. Why? Anyone?

What is the deal with Darrell Issa? Is it just me or is he fully insane? First he buys a "do over" election because he's miffed at how people voted in the first one. Then he drops out when it becomes obvious people aren't going to let him win the election he just bought. Then he cries and blubbers over it like a little baby. Literally. And now he's condemning the recall because it's not following the unlikely fantasy he had in his head. When heading to the polls in California next month, just remember it was this cry baby who got you there. Fucking cry baby.

I'll be voting no on the recall. Democracy isn't suppose to work this way. As for the replacement, I'll be voting for anyone that Darrell Issa doesn't approve of. We don't let people buy "do over" elections in this country. Period. I'm seriously considering starting a petition to allow ten random voters to kick Darrell Issa in the crotch. Several times.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:38 PM on October 6, 2003

I'll send him a copy of my book when it's out.
posted by johnny novak at 2:41 PM on October 6, 2003

Well I'm packing up my game and I'm a head out west
Where real women come equipped with scripts and fake breasts
Find a nest in the hills chill like Flynt
Buy an old drop top find a spot to pimp
And I'm a Kid Rock it up and down your block
With a bottle of scotch and watch lots of crotch
Buy yacht with a flag sayin' chillin the most
Then rock that bitch up and down the coast
Give a toast to the sun, drink with the stars
Get thrown in the mix and tossed out of bars
Sip the Tiajuana ...I wanna roam
Find the old town chillin fools then come back home
Start an escort service, for all the right reasons
And set up shop at the top of four seasons
Kid Rock and I'm the real mccoy
And I'm headin' out west sucker...because I wanna be a

Cowboy baby
With the top let back and the sunshine shining
Cowboy baby
West coast chillin with the Boone's Wine
I wanna be a Cowboy baby
Ridin at night cause I sleep all day
Cowboy baby
I can smell a pig from a mile away


-Kid Rock.


I cannot think for myself!" I had to buy shoes for a wedding this weekend and they all made me look like a greasy, square-footed Italian clubgoer.

have ah, have ya ever tried real Italian shoes....I mean the real nice ones and not to expensive.

These people make the best dam shoe around if you ask me I'm telling . Ya, like gloves they are Ya.
posted by clavdivs at 2:41 PM on October 6, 2003

Democracy isn't suppose to work this way


sorry, but we do not live in a democracy.
posted by clavdivs at 2:42 PM on October 6, 2003

KHAOWBOYYY BAAAAABBBBY
posted by clavdivs at 2:44 PM on October 6, 2003

y6: whaddya think of Diebold, Inc? [/provocation]
posted by dash_slot- at 2:49 PM on October 6, 2003

In other words, the emperor *is* wearing clothes, and people who say otherwise need to stop doing that, because it's really bringing everyone down.

You wanna stay out with your fancy friends.
I'm tellin' you it's go to be the end,
Don't bring me down,no no no no no no no no,
I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor
Don't bring me down.

it's ok Y6, its not as bad as it seems
posted by clavdivs at 2:51 PM on October 6, 2003

sorry, but we do not live in a democracy.

AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHH!
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 2:57 PM on October 6, 2003

Boy, they sure don't make bowling shoes like they used to.
posted by y2karl at 3:04 PM on October 6, 2003

What is this, PressureReliefValveFilter? Here I was thinking that masturbation was supposed to be a private thing, or at least only shared with someone you care about.
posted by dg at 3:05 PM on October 6, 2003

I confess now freely that I want to enter into a triad partnership with y6³ and dhoyt.

and also dg on the side, in secret
posted by WolfDaddy at 3:06 PM on October 6, 2003

I'm seriously considering starting a petition to allow ten random voters to kick Darrell Issa in the crotch.

Make that Chris Matthews and I, for one, will pay for the privilege.
posted by y2karl at 3:09 PM on October 6, 2003

"whaddya think of Diebold, Inc?"

I already posted about that in the Diebold thread. Here.

But in addition to that I also feel that this will make things much more fun. Elections are currently bought for by rich people and won by morally or intellectually bankrupt dip-shits. So why not through it open?

Jesse Ventura didn't ruin whatever state he ran. Bush didn't ruin Texas, even though we now know he couldn't administrate anything more complicated than screw top.

So why not just admit that the elections are fixed and see what happens? Could be interesting. Whoever has the best hackers wins control of the government.

I mean look at the California election debate. None of these people *should* be in charge, but one of them will. Could it be any sillier? What a train wreck. Imagine five well-dressed people who are trying to win your trust as they interrupt and scream over each other while the audience boos and the moderator scowls and fidgets. It wasn't a debate, it was an unmoderated slap fight.

The best part is the moderator starting and ending the debate by announcing that the format was an experiment and he wanted everyone's feedback on how they liked it.

Liked it??? No one liked it. I think I'm on solid ground in saying that the only people who could have liked it are those who enjoy professional wrestling, or perhaps "Three Stooges" out takes. There was no debate. You do not start a debate by having the "moderator" tell everyone to just jump in at anytime and interrupt their opponents if they have anything to say. Debate -- Screaming match. Not the same thing.

Schwarzenegger came off like a clever wiseass. Certainly not the moron I was hoping he would appear to be, but not someone who had the chops to run one of the largest economies in the world. Note to Arnold: Catchy one-liners aren't what my state needs right now. Please go peddle your ego somewhere else. Thanks for coming. Buh-bye.

Arianna Huffington provided the bulk of the entertainment for the night's circus. If anyone needed more reason to dismiss her as a publicity hungry crank, they got it last night. In a panel full of bitchy, off-topic, screaming children, she stood out. My favorite observation from the media:

"Where to start, except to say that Arianna was invited to a debate and did her best to turn it into vaudeville. [...] She wore a shirt whose neckline had a deeper plunge than Gray Davis's favorable numbers; her behavior went even lower. Frat boys who chugged every time she mentioned the evil "Boooosh Admeeneestration" passed out around the 30-minute mark."

It's a joke. So why not let the numbers get hacked? I like the idea off having the results determined by some script-kiddie in China.
posted by y6y6y6 at 3:10 PM on October 6, 2003

"Mmm. Garlic pecan fried chicken ..."

Actually it turns out that recipe might not be ready for "primetime". But here my recipe for Chicken & Goat Cheese Flautas which is even beter.

This is something I just came up with a few months ago. Amoung those who've tried them there has been a bit of a clammor for the recipe, so here it is. Jon's world famous flautas.

On the plus side these are very easy to make, and if you want to get creative you can do all sorts of things - Add some fresh herbs or a splash of sherry maybe. I suppose you could even substitute diced zuchini for the chicken and make them vegetarian. However, they are rather fattening. They'd make an excellent cornerstone for some sort of fat gaining diet.

Okay, a few notes about ingredients. I use chicken breast, just because it's easiest to perpare, but you could use cheaper cuts. It might even have more flavor with thighs or legs. I just hate cutting the damn meat off of those. Also, I try to get thin corn tortillas. I think they roll better and make for a better crunch. And you'll notice in the picture that I'm using a "basil & tomato" feta cheese. Don't worry about it if you can't find that, but I do think the sun dried tomato adds a nice flavor.

This recipe will make about 8-10 flautas.

1 large chicken breast
2 Tbsp olive oil
1/3 cup goat cheese
1/3 cup corn kernels
1/4 cup diced onion
1/2 tsp cumin
4 cloves garlic
Salt & pepper to taste
Yellow corn tortillas
Peanut oil for frying

1) Dice the raw chicken into small cubes. You don't want it too big or it will be hard to roll up the flautas. Heat the olive oil to medium high and then saute the chicken. Try not to over cook it. In fact since it will be cooking a second time in just a bit you might want to slightly undercook it. Here's the deal - You want the flautas to be crunchy and juicy, not crunchy and dry. So just don't cook the chicken into a gravel-like state. I think we're clear on that.

2) Pour the chicken and any oil/juices into a medium mixing bowl. Add the cheese, corn, onion and cumin. Press in the garlic cloves. Add salt and pepper to your preferred taste. You can also add anything else you think would be good at this point, maybe some ground chilies or fresh oregano, but I think it's fine just like this. Fold that all together with a fork until it's very well mixed. Don't use a food processor. You want small chunks of flavor, and a mixer will give you paste. Not the same thing.

3) Now get set up to roll the flautas and fry them. Pour the peanut oil about 1/3-1/4 inch deep in a smallish fry pan and heat it on a medium high burner. Steam the tortillas. Do not even think about not steaming them. Unless you enjoy aggravating messes, and then by all means don't steam them. If you don't have one of those nifty tortillas steamers (and I can't imagine why you would) just place the tortillas in a slightly moist (not wet!!!) dish towel and microwave them for 45 seconds. Test the oil to make sure it will fry a piece of tortilla before you proceed.

4) For each flautas lay out one of the warm tortillas and place 2-3 tablespoons of the chicken mixture near the top edge. Use your fingers to mold it into a firm cylinder. Roll the tortilla up, trying to make it firm and tight without tearing anything. Use a finger to tamp the mixture in from each side. Do not even think about not tamping. If you don't, the mixture will spill out when you fry it and you'll get some very boring flautas.

5) As soon as each tortilla is rolled and tamped, carefully place it seam down in the heated oil. I find tongs make this much easier. I cook them three at a time, but you can work at whatever pace you like. Let them fry on one side for 1-2 minutes, and then turn them and fry for another minute or so. The cooking time isn't too critical. Frying them longer will make them crunchier, less frying will make them chewier. I prefer the crunchy version.

6) As each flautas is done pull it out of the oil and tilt it to each side slightly to drain the extra oil out. Place them on paper towels to cool. Sprinkle with salt. And they're done. You can serve them with guacamole or salsa verde, but like to eat them plain.
posted by y6y6y6 at 3:26 PM on October 6, 2003

Every time I see the word flautas I'm reading it as flatus.
posted by dness2 at 3:29 PM on October 6, 2003

y6y6y6, your idea about the best hackers winning is pretty interesting. I can see the complaints about the liberal hacker cabal already. Because everyone knows that conservatives can't hack their way out of a paper bag. Or into a paper bag. Or into a paper-less bag. Whatever. It's going to finally be the day of the liberals!
posted by dness2 at 3:32 PM on October 6, 2003

cmdr taco will make a fine president.
posted by quonsar at 3:38 PM on October 6, 2003

I just like to say that my latest novel "Wank Yourself to Death" is due out in the next two weeks

What a co-eenky-deenk! I'm just now wrapping up my opus How to Good-Bye Life: If You Wank Furiously 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

(so far, malarkey. maybe I should read Mr. Novak's tome.)
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 4:07 PM on October 6, 2003

what y6y6y6y6y6y6y6 said : >

and one more thing: Wesley Clark sets off my gaydar bigtime. (i don't know whether that's good or bad)
posted by amberglow at 4:19 PM on October 6, 2003

Wow, this is super! Let me try:

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!

Everybody!
posted by tss at 4:21 PM on October 6, 2003

I like gin and tonics.
posted by sharpener at 4:33 PM on October 6, 2003

Hey, I can use this thread to request a moment of silence for the passing of Leisure Town without cluttering up the front page. Although maybe hoping for a moment of silence in here is asking a little much.

Oh, and tss's comment above is a reminder of what happens when people mix liberal arts & computer science. In more ways than one.
posted by Johnny Assay at 4:40 PM on October 6, 2003

While we're getting what we need to say out, I need to say that I'm bored to tears by the Californian political situation. Why on earth should the rest of us give two hoots who your governor is?

I'd also like to mention that Ontario – Canada's largest, richest and most populous province – managed to have an election this weekend without raising any debate in MetaFilter.
posted by timeistight at 4:48 PM on October 6, 2003

I'd also like to mention that Ontario – Canada's largest, richest and most populous province – managed to have an election this weekend without raising any debate in MetaFilter.


You mean the province that's allowed to decide who governs my fine country without a word from those of us on the left coast? ;)
posted by The God Complex at 5:01 PM on October 6, 2003

Don't shoot, God! I'm a Vancouverite myself.
posted by timeistight at 5:15 PM on October 6, 2003

Garlic pecan fried chicken ...

that sounds delicious, y6, I loves me some pecans and I loves me some goat cheese.

the above also applies to women with blonde streaks in their hair and men with jautily cocked faux ironic trucker hats and/or aviator shades.

faux ironic? that's way too many linguistic doubling backs, dhoyt, me boy.

I'd also like to say that Boone's Farm Melon Ball flavor when served with Guacamole flavored Doritos makes for an entree in a soothing Kermitesque shade of green.

And I find Adult Babies (those folks who cavort in sleepers and suck pacifiers) strangely endearing. Except for the pooping and diapers part.
posted by jonmc at 5:19 PM on October 6, 2003

I'm seriously considering starting a petition to allow ten random voters to kick Darrell Issa in the crotch. Several times.

y6y6y6 for governor.
posted by homunculus at 5:32 PM on October 6, 2003

Don't shoot, God!

It's like the entire realization of my dream in one small phrase. You, friend, are my bird girl!

Also, the weather is lovely today, isn't it?
posted by The God Complex at 5:33 PM on October 6, 2003

Y6- you redeemed this thread and posted what may be your finest ever comments (unless of course, there's more to come). I salute you and thank you. It's now official, I can post it here, I ♥ y6.
posted by Lynsey at 5:34 PM on October 6, 2003

And to think all of this is my fault...
posted by boredomjockey at 6:02 PM on October 6, 2003

1.

He sits alone at the bar, sipping at his drink. He was too late. He lost the package, forgot the password, missed the clue. The tall blonde had set him up and he went down like an anchor at open sea.

2.

I’ve nearly forgotten everything. I’m not sure why this feels relieving. I have been motionless for many months now. The nurses talk to me and I can hear them, but I don’t listen. I’m happiest when they put my chair at the window where I can see children play. Poor fucking bastards.

3.

She calls the number again, slowly, her finger laying on each key, as if playing a song with three tones. It sounds discordant, random. He doesn’t answer. ‘But he must answer, or it won’t work.’ She eyes the revolver in her lap; it’s a beautiful weapon. She listens to his recorded voice and hangs up on his machine.

4.

Everything you did today was wrong. You think people like you, value your thoughts and judgment. You think people care and want to hear about you problems, your struggles, your defeats and stolen victories. You think you are special. People are more polite than you could ever imagine.
posted by elwoodwiles at 6:03 PM on October 6, 2003

What the hell is wrong with you people???

I spew dung all over a MetaTalk thread which is specifically started with the intention of reducing noise. I dump pages of totally out of context nothing into MetaTalk. And you love it. You urge me on. You tell me it "may be [my] finest ever comments".

You people suck.

Do you have any idea how much you suck? Here Matt has, purely out of the goodness of his heart, given you a wonderful (and famous) Internet resource and asked only one thing in return - That you self-police the place. And what do you do? What do you do with this gift? What do you do with one of the most coveted web memberships in existence?

You encourage one of the site's biggest asshats to pull his dick out and twirl around, spraying urine all over the place.

Have you no shame? Can't you stop for just once and think of something other than your own puerile titillation?

I should have been attacked!!!! I should have been shouted down. How can you stand by on the sidelines and cheer this sort of drivel? What if Miguel had pulled some shit like this? You'd have crucified him.

This is what is wrong with Metafilter. Someone who obviously cares posts a constructive thread to reduce noise. Then we get a string of snarky bullshit.

Snarky...... Fucking..... Bullshit.....

Why? Do you want to make sure we all know how clever you are? Only dorks make constructive suggestions?

I really get the idea that many here care and many just enjoy spinning around with their dick out, spraying urine all over the place. Self policing doesn't work if self policing = "I'm more snarky than you".

"Less noise? What a stupid idea. We're tired of less noise. Let's pee in the fridge instead."

This crap has it's place on Metafilter. I don't see what good it does here.

You people suck.

No pecan chicken for you!!!
posted by y6y6y6 at 6:47 PM on October 6, 2003

See, now you've given y6 delusions of grandeur by praising his taking over this thread.
That and he's currently testing out his new Appletini recipe.
Who knows what that will lead to...
posted by batgrlHG at 6:53 PM on October 6, 2003

I am compelled to smell my earwax after I dig it out, and generally enjoy the smell, strangely funky as it usually is.

oh my god, i and i thought i was the only one. relief...
posted by carfilhiot at 6:54 PM on October 6, 2003

batgrlHG - perhaps you should take the keyboard away from him, before things get ugly!
posted by carfilhiot at 6:55 PM on October 6, 2003

No pecan chicken for you!!!

i ♣ y6y6y6
posted by quonsar at 7:01 PM on October 6, 2003

I am a character. The author who writes my lines is nothing like me.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 7:11 PM on October 6, 2003

Me too. I'm actually a really hot woman. The guy at the meetups is a wino I hired. Sorry if he puked on anyone.
posted by jonmc at 7:15 PM on October 6, 2003

lolololol! wanna cyber?!?!?!?!?!?!?!lol!!!11
posted by quonsar at 7:21 PM on October 6, 2003

So then, this was from chicanery, arrogance and bipolar disorder?
Interesting behavior from a clinical perspective.
posted by y2karl at 7:23 PM on October 6, 2003

to whom were you speaking, mr karl?
posted by jonmc at 7:25 PM on October 6, 2003

I tells ya, y6y6y6 is Howard Beale!
posted by tss at 7:32 PM on October 6, 2003

No wonder you like to see hot chicks kick my ass, jo(a)nmc! Thanks for clearing that up!
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:41 PM on October 6, 2003

Hey, that was one great recipe, y6. Thanks!. The pecan fried chicken doesn't sound at all bad either.
posted by MiguelCardoso at 7:55 PM on October 6, 2003

As a Californian I just want to know how we got into the recall mess at the same time that Louisiana, land of David Duke and ex-convict gubernatorial candidates, just elected an Indian American in what from what I can tell was actually a fairly sane election.
posted by rdr at 8:55 PM on October 6, 2003

Actually, Jindal came in first in the open primary. In Louisiana the top two finishers have a runoff unless, IIRC, one candidate gets a majority.
posted by turbodog at 12:14 AM on October 7, 2003

Ugh... why did I write this post? WHY?!
posted by Keyser Soze at 12:26 AM on October 7, 2003

The eternal question, KS. And you know that no one is ever going to forget this... until tomorrow. Or later today.
posted by taz at 12:44 AM on October 7, 2003

No one has ever clearly elucidated to me the difference between a bitch slap and a pimp slap.
posted by Shoeburyness at 12:50 AM on October 7, 2003

Ugh... why did I write this post? WHY?!

You were taking the heat off Miguel, for which I'm sure he is eternally lukewarm quasi-grateful to you ;)

And, hey, at least you didn't poll everyone to find out what historical Metafilter thread contains the same number string as their user ID, or ask anyone if they've ever accidentally typed in Meatfilter (or Metafiler, or...) instead of Metafilter, or any other number of things you could have done.
posted by The God Complex at 12:52 AM on October 7, 2003

Plus, if all else fails and you find yourself sobbing uncontrollably (inconsolably), still unable to come to terms with how you could have made such a gaffe, made yourself to look so daft, you can always comfort yourself with the knowledge that you have allowed the venerable Wonder Chicken to further flesh out the large collective of off-kilter and seemingly misplaced facts that make up his murky bio; this thread was worth it if only to find out another in a long list of suspect maneuverings, many hygene-centric.

I, for one, think that counts for something.
posted by The God Complex at 12:57 AM on October 7, 2003

To complete the trifecta: all of the above said, I have to mention that you lose style points for the use of the non-word "insuing," which I'm surprised none of the other anal-retentive bellyachers pointed out yet.
posted by The God Complex at 1:02 AM on October 7, 2003

turbodog is correct. Jindal and Blanco will be in a runoff.

And even though I was a kid, I still remember the 1991 election. Future Felon of America Edwin Edwards vs. Grand Wizard David Duke was possibly the most ludicrous thing I'd ever witnessed. Embarrassing-- then again, Louisiana law is so different than the rest of the country, when combined with a significant segment of racists, it results in embarrassments like that.

I'm pretty sure Edwards is in jail. Something like our last four elections commissioners are also in jail. (I don't live there anymore, but I'm still registered to vote there, since I'm just a student here.)


To keep with the apparent theme of the thread to date, here's my random contribution: I think I injured a testicle today. It hurts. A lot.
posted by nath at 1:57 AM on October 7, 2003

Yesterday, I searched Amazon.Com to see if Miguel Cardoso had released English language versions of any of his books.
posted by rcade at 4:14 AM on October 7, 2003

...and?
posted by monkey closet at 5:10 AM on October 7, 2003

...and?

..decided to order a slightly used copy of "Wank Yourself to Death" instead, but then had to return it 'cuz the pages were like, all stuck together, and junk.
posted by MrBaliHai at 8:23 AM on October 7, 2003

I think I injured a testicle today. It hurts. A lot.

Darrell Issa's a member?
posted by y2karl at 9:07 AM on October 7, 2003

all stuck together, and junk

Shurrley, 'with spunk'?
posted by i_cola at 9:59 AM on October 7, 2003

whywhywhy666 is absolutely right.

However, after those flautas, I'm in the mood for some dessert. My favourite is the Lemon Meringue Pie from Wanda's Pie in the Sky. She makes the best pies, hands down. Not too sweet, excellent pastry, highly commendable.

I haven't bought her pie cookbook, but a local newspaper gave her recipe for Lemon Meringue Pie:

Filling:
1 pie crust:
3/4 cup cold butter, cut into 1/2 inch pieces
2 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup granulated sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
1/3 cup cold water

1. Make sure all ingredients are as cold as possible. Using a food processor or a pastry cutter and a large bowl, combine butter, flour, sugar and salt. Process or cut in until mixture resembles coarse meal and begins to clump together.

Sprinkle with water, let rest for 30 seconds [yes, seconds] and then either process very briefly or cut in with about 15 strokes of pastry cutter, just until dough begins to stick together and come away from sides of bowl.

Turn onto a lightly floured work surface and press together to form a disk. Wrap in plastic and chill for at least 20 minutes.

2. Allow dough to warm slightly to room temperature if it is too hard to roll. On a lightly floured board, roll disk into a thickness of 1/8 inch. Cut a circle about 2 inches larger than pie plate and transfer pastry nto plate by folding it in half or by rolling it onto a rolling pin. Turn pastry under, leaving an edge that hangs over plate about 1/2 inch. Flute decoratively. Chill for 30 minutes.

3. Preheat the oven to 350F. Line crust with foil and fill with metal pie weights or beans. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes. Carefully remove foil and continue baking for 10 to 15 minutes, until golden. Cool completely before filling.

Note: Tight with time making a crust from scratch? I suggest "Robin Hood's" Flaky Pie Crust Mix. Simple, just add water and makes the flakiest, perfect pie crust every time, very edible. Those outside Canada are out of luck. We regret our products are not available in the United States.

Filling: continued

1 pie crust [remember?]
2 cups water
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup corn starch
5 egg yolks, beaten
1/4 cup butter
3/4 cup fresh lemon juice
1 tbsp. lemon zest
1 tsp. vanilla extract [please, not the imitation!]

Meringue:

5 egg whites, room temperature
1/2 tsp. cream of tartar
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. vanilla extract
3/4 cup granulated sugar

Filling:

1. Bring water to a boil in a large, heavy saucepan. Remove from heat and let rest for 5 minutes. Whisk sugar and cornstarch together. Add mixture gradually to hot water, whisking until completely incorporated.

2. Return to heat and cook over medium heat, whisking constantly until mixture comes to a boil. Mixture will be very thick. Add about 1 cup of hot mixture to beaten egg yolks, whisking until smooth. Whisking vigorously, add warmed yolks to pot and continue cooking, stirring constantly, until mixture comes to a boil. Remove from heat and stir in butter until incorporated. Add lemon juice, zest and vanilla, stirring until combined. Pour into prepared crust. Cover with plastic wrap to prevent a skin from forming on surface, and cool to room temperature.

Meringue:
Preheat oven to 375F. Using an electric mixer, beat egg whites with cream of tartar, salt and vanilla extract until soft peaks form. Add sugar gradually, beating until it forms sriff, glossy peaks. Pile onto cooled pie, bringing meringue all the way over to the edge. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until golden. Cool on a rack. Serve within 6 hours to avoid a soggy crust. Makes one 10 inch pie.

Famous People who have suffered the indignity of a messy date with a pie:

• Alberta Premier Ralph Klein, recently at a Calgary Stampede breakfast.
• Quebec Premier [when he was Liberal leader] Jean Charest, during a campaign stop in Blainville, north of Montreal. He deflected another pie sailing towards his wife, Michele.
• Designer Calvin Klein ate cream from a pie that was actually aimed at Karl Lagerfeld, during a New York City catwalk.
• Prime Minister Jean Chretien nailed in 2001 by an out-of-work actor
• Quebec deputy premier Bernard Landry during a meeting at a Montreal hotel.
• Designer Michael Kors had a tofu-cream pie hurled at him during a New York City Fashion Week show, but the pie missed its mark and landed on front-row spectators.
• Microsoft's Bill Gates took one in Brussels when attackers hit him with pies. Investigation later revealed it was not an apple pie.

Please don't use Wanda's pie for throwing! Why waste a good pie

What, you gin and tonic drinkers don't make pie?

Is imitation the best form of flattery or is it just an imitation, cheap?
posted by alicesshoe at 11:50 AM on October 7, 2003

What, you gin and tonic drinkers don't make pie?

Clear liquor sucks. I drink bourbon and beer, and sterno.
posted by jonmc at 11:57 AM on October 7, 2003

Jon, you degenerate philistine! Do you not know that many of the greatest spirits (vodka, gin, grappa, Williamine, poteen even) are transparent through and through?

*schedules a Dry Martini date at the Bemelsmans Bar in the Carlyle Hotel with his friend Jon*

P.S. Thanks for the great recipe, alicesshoe - it was the way you presented it that made the difference. I gather that there must be a short way from lemon meringue pie (my mother makes a wonderful one) to key lime pie, no? :)
posted by MiguelCardoso at 12:11 PM on October 7, 2003

I had a martini once. In some joint in the Village called the Daily Planet when I was around 20. It tasted like paint thinner. I switched back to Budweiser right after. But, I've broadened my horizons, I now drink Schlitz too.
posted by jonmc at 12:26 PM on October 7, 2003

What'll You Have?

(By the way, I knew the guy who wrote Wank Yourself to Death.



He died happy.)
posted by languagehat at 12:59 PM on October 7, 2003

y6, I neverspin around with my dick out, spraying urine all over the place. In fact, I actually sit down to pee, so as not to splatter urine all over the bathroom floor. So it must be that I really care. You earned my ♥ with your comments about Bush and the war - you see, I feel the very same way but I could never articulate it as well as you did way farther up the thread. That is all.
posted by Lynsey at 3:37 PM on October 7, 2003

Sterno jonmc? Isn't that clear? As in everclear? Or is it blue?

You drink blue drinks jonmc? I'm shocked. Isn't that worse than those clear drink drinkers?

Nothing like a gin martini. Bliss. Unless 20 was a week ago, you've got to give it another try jonmc. Use Saphire Gin.

I'd post a Cool Lime Pie with Tequila recipe Miguel, but I'd hate to think that jonmc would substitute the tequila for beer! And thanks for the compliment.

I'm not picking on you jonmc, I'm just saying.
posted by alicesshoe at 1:07 AM on October 8, 2003

Use Sapphire Gin.

This is the key. You've got to have good gin, otherwise it sucks. At least Sapphire, unless you're feeling really swanky and get some of that $75 a bottle stuff.

I personally like mine as follows:

2 1/2 oz. Bombay Sapphire Gin
one drop dry vermouth

Combine in shaker with ice. Shake the everloving shit out of it-- until the shaker is frosting and your hands hurt because it's so damn cold. Strain into stem glass. Add olive if desired.


Personally, I too prefer beer and the whiskies (and red wine when that's available). However, anything done well, with quality spirits, made right, is worth drinking.

(p.s. my nut still hurts)
posted by nath at 1:55 AM on October 8, 2003

Garlic Pecan Fried Chicken

I don't make fried chicken all that often, and when I do it's just the basic recipe - Buttermilk marinade and spicy flour. But recently my girlfriend, who is from the South, made some dismissive snorting noises when I said I made good fried chicken. Like, obviously, since I'm a Yankee, I could never cook something as complicated as fried chicken. Little smart ass.

So I decided to come up with a special fried chicken recipe that would show her what a Yankee can do in the kitchen. (and just for the record, I have no idea what a yankee even is or why that might matter to anything)

A note on ingredients and procedures: I always fry boneless breasts. The following ingredients will work well for about 1-2 pounds of those. Other people like fried chicken with the bones on. If you do it that way you'll probably need more marinade than I list here. Also I assume you know how to fry things. I turn my burner to 8 and fry for 3-5 minutes on one side and then 2-4 minutes on the other. If you have big pieces you'll need to cook them longer. Best to cook a couple test pieces and make sure you have it right. Also - I list "spices" as one of the ingredients. Use most any combination you like here, but I use mostly basil and oregano with a wee bit of rosemary and savory.

1 lb boneless chicken breast
2 oz pecans
1 tsp salt
2 tsp spices (see above)
4 cloves garlic
1/2 tsp grnd pepper
1 tsp sugar
1 cup buttermilk
3 cups flour
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp oregano
1/2 tsp grnd pepper
1 tsp salt
vegetable shortening for frying
The key is the marinade. A great deal of this will end up sticking to the chicken when you fry it, but it also flavors the chicken and makes it more moist. Place the pecans, 1 tsp salt, the spices, the garlic cloves, half the pepper, the sugar and the buttermilk in a blender. Pulse and blend until the garlic and pecans are chopped up very finely.

Place the chicken in a nonreactive bowl and pour the buttermilk mix over it. Mix everything so that all the chicken is evenly coated. Place the bowl in the fridge and marinate for at least two hours and up to eight hours or more. Stir thing every once in a while.

Get the flour coating ready. In a strong plastic food storage bag, or a doubled weak bag, place the flour and the remaining spices. Shake it up a bit to get things evenly mixed.

Get your fry pan ready by heating enough shortening to reach halfway up your chicken pieces to a good fry temperature. It will be hot enough when a pinch of flour will sizzle a bit when dropped in.

When you're ready, take a piece of chicken, making sure to coat it with buttermilk as much as you can, and place it in the bag of flour. Shake the bag to get the piece totally caked in flour. Doing this too much is better than not doing it enough. When it's good and caked, take the piece out and put it into the hot oil. Fry one side completely and then fry the other. Don't flip things back and forth. Don't crowd the pieces at all. Give them plenty of room. As each piece is done, drain it on paper towels. Cut open the first piece to make sure you're timing things right. Rinse, repeat.
posted by y6y6y6 at 8:03 AM on October 8, 2003

I think I've got lime disease from drinking too many mojitos last night...
posted by i_cola at 8:43 AM on October 8, 2003

Cool Lime Pie with Tequila recipe. I promise not to use beer. Pleeeeeaaaaaase. That's all I need to say.
posted by theora55 at 10:48 AM on October 8, 2003

That yankee garlic pecan chicken sounds amazing! [even if the yankee part may or may not be true] Thanks for the recipe. Anyone cooking with buttermilk knows his shit, use in making pancakes [no, seriously!].

Since you asked so nicely, Cool Lime Pie With Tequila:
Refreshingly tart on a hot summer's day, this is similar to a Key Lime pie, with the added punch of tequila. Serve with or without whipped cream. From The Artful Pie cookbook. Recipe cribbed from that same daily paper. Unbelievable, the one time I picked it up, it was pie recipe city!

Crust:
1-1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs or 18 graham cracker squares
6 tbsp. unsalted butter, melted

Filling:
1 can [14oz.] sweetened condensed milk
1 tbsp. grated lime zest
1/2 cup lime juice, freshly squeezed [from 3 medium or 2 large limes]
3 tbsp. tequila
1/4 tsp.salt
1 cup heavy cream for topping [optional]
Sliced limes for garnishing

Preheat oven to 350F. If you are using graham cracker squares, crush into fine crumbs in a food processor or put into a plastic bag and crush with a rolling pin. Put crumbs and butter into a 9-inch pie pan and use fingers to mix together. Press crumb mixture on to bottom and sides of pan. Bake for 8 minutes and set pie crust aside to cool.

Filling:
1. In a medium mixing bowl, beat together condensed milk, lime zest, lime juice, tequila and salt. [Chef ought to take a shot of tequila at this time for product purity confirmation]
Set filling aside for about 5 minutes, until slightly thickened. Pour filling into crust and refrigerate for at least 2 hours.

2. Just before serving, beat heavy cream until stiff peaks form and cover top of pie with it, if desired. Add a dollop to partners nose and proceed to lick off gently [mind you don't knock the pie off the counter] if any cream is left over. Continue dolloping.
Serve pie cold, garnished with lime slices. Makes one 9-inch single crust pie.

The Pastry Whiz has 1000's of recipe's and tips, not to mention the Baby Crib Cake Decoration, which you may be baking if you've been indulging in baking many Cool Lime Pie with Tequila pie's.
posted by alicesshoe at 12:17 PM on October 8, 2003

So what do we do now?
(1) Post this thread on MFDistilled (just to give y6 a little tweak)
(2) Move the entire thread to 9622.net
(3) Start a new thread to allow one of the right-wing MeFites to post long rants about his/her political peeves... but only if he/she includes a really good chicken recipe.
posted by wendell at 2:19 PM on October 8, 2003

Clearly we need a new web site just for this thread. This thread is so wonderful that it needs its own domain so that it may live on forever. If I can't post to this thread or it's hard for others to see it, I'll just die.

Christ wendall, let the fucker die already.......... It's the MeFi way.
posted by y6y6y6 at 5:10 PM on October 8, 2003