Comments on: Become a pirate for a day

Become a pirate for a day

SPrintF — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 08:41:44 -0800

It is good to know, it this time of crisis and calamity and universal bruhaha, that there is still a place in MetaFilter to enjoy the quiet, traditional values of Talk Like A Pirate Day: "Dead Posts Tell No Tales."

Who'll join me in a round of pirate carols?

Fifteen men on deadman's chest
yo-ho-ho! and bottle of rum!

By: Ryvar

Ryvar — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 08:54:48 -0800

While any of us landlubbers can use that thar google, aye, this bears repeatin', arr . . .

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
The mate was fixed by the bosun's pike
The bosun brained with a marlinspike
And cookey's throat was marked belike
It had been gripped by fingers ten;
And there they lay, all good dead men
Like break o'day in a boozing ken
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of the whole ship's list
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Dead and be damned and the rest gone whist!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
The skipper lay with his nob in gore
Where the scullion's axe his cheek had shore
And the scullion he was stabbed times four
And there they lay, and the soggy skies
Dripped down in up-staring eyes
In murk sunset and foul sunrise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of 'em stiff and stark
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ten of the crew had the murder mark!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Twas a cutlass swipe or an ounce of lead
Or a yawing hole in a battered head
And the scuppers' glut with a rotting red
And there they lay, aye, damn my eyes
Looking up at paradise
All souls bound just contrawise
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men of 'em good and true
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Ev'ry man jack could ha' sailed with Old Pew,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
There was chest on chest of Spanish gold
With a ton of plate in the middle hold
And the cabins riot of stuff untold,
And they lay there that took the plum
With sightless glare and their lips struck dumb
While we shared all by the rule of thumb,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

More was seen through a sternlight screen
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Chartings undoubt where a woman had been
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
'Twas a flimsy shift on a bunker cot
With a dirk slit sheer through the bosom spot
And the lace stiff dry in a purplish blot
Oh was she wench or some shudderin' maid
That dared the knife and took the blade
By God! she had stuff for a plucky jade
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum
Drink and the devil had done for the rest
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.
We wrapped 'em all in a mains'l tight
With twice ten turns of a hawser's bight
And we heaved 'em over and out of sight,
With a Yo-Heave-Ho! and a fare-you-well
And a sudden plunge in the sullen swell
Ten fathoms deep on the road to hell,
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

By: sciurus

sciurus — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 09:27:49 -0800

*clears throat*

Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door?
Said the fair young maiden!

Well, it's only me from over the sea,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor,
I'm all lit up like a Christmas tree,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'll sail the sea until I croak,
Drink my whiskey, swear, and smoke,
But I can't swim a bloody stroke,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

Tell me when we soon shall wed,
Tell me when we soon shall wed,
Tell me when we soon shall wed,
Said the fair young maiden.

Uh-uh!
I got me a wife in every port,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
The handsome gals is what I court,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
With my false heart and flattering tongue
I courts 'em all both old and young,
I courts 'em all, but marries none,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

So good-bye,
Good-bye,
So long, toots,
I'll see you again!

or the dirty version:

Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door?
Who's that knocking at my door? said the fair young maiden.

I just got paid and I wanta get laid,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I just got paid and I wanta get laid,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

What if Ma and Pa find out?
What if Ma and Pa find out?
What if Ma and Pa find out? said the fair young maiden.

I'll kill your Pa and bang your Ma,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'll kill your Pa and bang your Ma,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

What if we should go to jail?
What if we should go to jail?
What if we should go to jail? said the fair young maiden.

I'll pick the lock with the tip of me cock,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'll pick the lock with the tip of me cock,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

What if we go back into jail?
What if we go back into jail?
What if we go back into jail? said the fair young maiden.

I'll knock down the walls with me swinging balls,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'll knock down the walls with my swinging balls,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

What if we should get the chair?
What if we should get the chair?
What if we should get the chair? said the fair young maiden.

I'll lay a fart and blow it apart,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.
I'll lay a fart and blow it apart,
Said Barnacle Bill the Sailor.

By: mcsweetie

mcsweetie — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 09:50:16 -0800

don't be irate, just because I'm a pirate!

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 09:52:05 -0800

Shanty this'n, ye lubbers:

Oh! Blow th' man down, bullies. Blow th' man down.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
Oh! Blow th' man down bullies. Blow 'im right down.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

Come all ye young fellers that follows th' sea.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
I'll sing ye a song if ye'll listen t' me.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

'Twas in a Black Baller I first served my time.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
And in a Black Baller I wasted my prime.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

'Tis when a Black Baller's preparin' for sea.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
Th'sights in th' fo' cas'le is funny t' see.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

Wi' sodgers an' tailors an' Dutchmen an' all.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
As ships for prime seamen aboard th' Black Ball.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

But when th' Black Baller gets o' th' land.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
It's then as ye'll hear th' sharp word o' command.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

Oh! It's muster ye sodgers an' tailors an' sich.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
An' hear ye're name called by a son of a bitch.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

It's "fore-topsail halyards", th' Mate he will roar.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
Oh, lay along smartly, you son of a whore.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

Oh, lay along smartly each lousy recroot.
W-ay! Hey? Blow th' man down!
Or it's lifted ye'll be wi' th' toe of a boot.
Give us th' time an' we'll blow th' man down!

By: Hildago

Hildago — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 10:05:47 -0800

The Pirate Song

By: cedar

cedar — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 10:06:02 -0800

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me
We pillage, we plunder we rifle and loot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me
We extort, we pilfer we filch and sack
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Maraud and embezzle and even high-jack
Drink up me hearties yo ho
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me
We kindle and char inflame and ignite
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We burn up the city we're really a fright
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
We're rascals, scoundrels villains, and knaves
Drink up me hearties yo ho
We're devils and black sheep - really bad eggs
Drink up me hearties yo ho
Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirate's life for me
We're beggars and blighters and ne'er do-well cads
Drink up me hearties, yo ho
Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads
Drink up me hearties, yo ho

By: punilux

punilux — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 10:08:20 -0800

Doodely-do, Doodely-do, Dee-do De-do De-do De-do De .... (small .wav).

A proper pirate, aaaarrrr, and the rumours aren't true.

By: five fresh fish

five fresh fish — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 10:10:30 -0800

who lives in a pineapple under the sea...

By: chicobangs

chicobangs — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 10:31:10 -0800

If I may quote from the late, very great Stan Rogers:

O the year was 1778 (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
A letter of marque came from the king
To the scummiest vessel I've ever seen

God damn them all
I was told we'd cruise the seas for American gold
We'd fire no guns, shed no tears
Now I'm a broken man on a Halifax pier,
The last of Barrett's Privateers

O Elcid Barrett cried the town (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
For twenty brave men all fishermen who
Would make for him the Antelope's crew
God damn them all . . . .

The Antelope sloop was a sickening sight (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
She'd list to the port and her sails in rags
And the cook in the scuppers with the staggers and jags
God damn them all . . . .

On the King's birthday we put to sea (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
Ninety-one days to Montego Bay
Pumping like madmen all the way
God damn them all . . . .

On the ninety-sixth day we sailed again (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
When a great big Yankee hove in sight
With our cracked four-pounders we made to fight
God damn them all . . . .

The Yankee lay low down with gold (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
She was broad and fat and loose in stays
But to catch her took the Antelope two whole days
God damn them all . . . .

Then at length she stood two cables away (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
Our cracked four-pounders made awful din
But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in
God damn them all . . . .

The Antelope shook and pitched on her side (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
Barrett was smashed like a bowl of eggs
And the main truck carried off both me legs
God damn them all . . . .

Now here I lay in my twenty-third year (How I wish I was in Sherbrooke now)
It's been six years since we sailed away
And I just made Halifax yesterday
God damn them all . . . .

By: triv

triv — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 10:48:41 -0800

ahem...

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

thanks.

By: jazon

jazon — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 11:04:02 -0800

I was born about ten thousand years ago
Ain't nothing in this world that I don't know
I saw old pharaoh's daughter bring Moses from the water
I'll lick the guy that says it isn't so

It's a lie, it's a lie
Ship ahoy, Ship aHEY, ship aHI-I-I
Well I sailed the seven seas
In my dirty dungarees
But I never, ever, ever saw
a Mermaid, a Mermaid

I was there when old Noah built the ark
And I crawled in the window after dark
I saw Jonah eat the whale and dance with the lion's tale
And I crossed over Canaan on a log

It's a lie, it's a lie
Ship ahoy, Ship aHEY, ship aHI-I-I
Well I sailed the seven seas
In my dirty dungarees
But I never, ever, ever saw
a Mermaid, a Mermaid

By: bob sarabia

bob sarabia — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 11:43:13 -0800

Straight Outta Portsmouth

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 11:54:33 -0800

In days of old, when ships were bold
Just like the men who sailed them
and if they showed us disrespect
we'd tie them up and flail them
often men of low degree
and often men of steel
who'd make you walk the plank alone
or haul you 'round the keel
hoist the Jolly Roger!
hoist the Jolly Roger!
hoist the Jolly Roger!
it's your money that we want
and your money we shall have!
of all the pirates on the seas
the worst of them was Blackbeard
so damnable a fiend from hell
he was the one they most feared
any man who sailed with him
was taking quite a chance
he'd hang them from the gallows
just to see if they could dance (ha! ha!)

: >

By: grumblebee

grumblebee — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 12:04:51 -0800

OH, BETTER FAR TO LIVE AND DIE (Midi file at link.)

Libretto by William S. Gilbert
Music by Sir Arthur Sullivan

KING:

Oh, better far to live and die
Under the brave black flag I fly,
Than play a sanctimonious part
With a pirate head and a pirate heart.
Away to the cheating world go you,
Where pirates all are well-to-do;
But I'll be true to the song I sing,
And live and die a Pirate King.
For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King!
For I am a Pirate King!

ALL:

You are!

Hurrah for the Pirate King!

KING:

And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.

ALL:

It is!

Hurrah for the Pirate King!
Hurrah for the Pirate King!

KING:

When I sally forth to seek my prey
I help myself in a royal way.
I sink a few more ships, it's true,
Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;
But many a king on a first-class throne,
If he wants to call his crown his own,
Must manage somehow to get through
More dirty work than e'er I do,
For I am a Pirate King!
And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King!
For I am a Pirate King!

ALL:

You are!

Hurrah for the Pirate King!

KING:

And it is, it is a glorious thing
To be a Pirate King.

ALL:

It is!

Hurrah for the Pirate King!
Hurrah for the Pirate King!

By: obloquy

obloquy — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 12:42:58 -0800

Skipper in the wardroom drinkin' gin,
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
I don't mind knockin', but I ain't goin' in!
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
The jimmy's laughin' like it'd rain,
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!
He's lookin' at me comic cuts again!
Hey yo, chicken on a raft!

cho: Chicken on a raft on a Monday morning,
Oh, what a terrible sight to see,
Dabtoes forward and the dustmen aft,
Sittin' there a'pickin' at a chicken on a raft!
Hi, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hey, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hi, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hey, ho, chicken on a raft!

Gave me the middle and the forenoon too,
Now I'm pullin' on a whalin' crew.
Seagulls wheelin' overhead,
I oughter be home in me featherbed!

I had a little girl in Donny-B,
And did she make a fool of me.
Her heart was like a pusser's shower,
Run hot to cold in a quarter of an hour!

We kissed goodbye on a midnight bus,
She didn't cry and she didn't fuss,
Am I that one she loves the best,
Or just a cuckoo in another man's nest?

An amazon girl lived in Dumfries,
Only had her kids in two's and three's,
She's got a sister in Maryhill,
Says she won't but I think she will!

Chicken on a raft on a Monday morning,
Oh, what a terrible sight to see,
Dabtoes forward and the dustmen aft,
Sittin' there a'pickin' at a chicken on a raft!
Hi, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hey, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hi, ho, chicken on a raft!
Hey, ho, chicken on a raft!
midi

By: rory

rory — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 13:05:14 -0800

Arrr, 'tis a thing o' beauty, young Matt lad.

By: squealy

squealy — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 13:50:58 -0800

Arrr, that bob sarabia is a scurvy knave, but his link amused me. Arrr.

By: clavdivs

clavdivs — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 14:04:13 -0800

pirates cut the rope.

By: geoff.

geoff. — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 14:10:28 -0800

I'm all for an institution of rape, pillaging and general moral debauchery. Republcians, pirates, vikings, I'm there!

By: louigi

louigi — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 14:15:14 -0800

What'll we do with a drunken sailor,
What'll we do with a drunken sailor,
What'll we do with a drunken sailor,
Earl-aye in the morning?

Chorus:
Way hay and up she rises
Patent blocks o' diff'rent sizes,
Way hay and up she rises
Earl-aye in the morning

1. Sling him in the long boat till he's sober,
2. Keep him there and make 'im bale 'er.
3. Pull out the plug and wet him all over,
4. Take 'im and shake 'im, try an' wake 'im.
5. Trice him up in a runnin' bowline.
6. Give 'im a taste of the bosun's rope-end.
7. Give 'im a dose of salt and water.
8. Stick on 'is back a mustard plaster.
9. Shave his belly with a rusty razor.
10. Send him up the crow's nest till he falls down,
11. Tie him to the taffrail when she's yardarm under,
12. Put him in the scuppers with a hose-pipe on him.
13. Soak 'im in oil till he sprouts flippers.
14. Put him in the guard room till he's sober.
15. Put him in bed with the captain's daughter*).
16. Take the Baby and call it Bo'sun.
17. Turn him over and drive him windward.
18. Put him in the scuffs until the horse bites on him.
19. Heave him by the leg and with a rung console him.
20. That's what we'll do with the drunken sailor.

By: louigi

louigi — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 14:17:18 -0800

and in latin:

Ebrio quid faciamus nauta,
Ebrio quid faciamus nauta,
Ebrio quid faciamus nauta
Hora matutina?

Euge! Et spumat salum,
Euge! Et spumat salum,
Euge! Et spumat salum
Hora matutina.

2. Crapulam primum edormiscat . . . .

3. Quem aqua frigida rigemus . . . .

By: wildeep

wildeep — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 15:14:36 -0800

Oh, there's a monkey in my pocket,
And he's stealing all my change,
His stare is blank and glassy,
I suspect that he's deranged!

By: dame

dame — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 15:32:56 -0800

I have but only a (New York) riddle: What train do pirates take to work?

Remember, folks, the nine o'clock show is different from the seven o'clock show.

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 15:41:51 -0800

the ARRRRR! : >

By: stavrosthewonderchicken

stavrosthewonderchicken — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 16:00:14 -0800

By: Tarrama

Tarrama — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 16:30:52 -0800

19th September arrr I remember it well. Tis the day I sailed into the Big Blue and first joined you scurvy dogs. So where's me loot you blackhearted scoundrels?

By: holloway

holloway — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 16:56:04 -0800

By: amberglow

amberglow — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 17:02:11 -0800

the loot be strongly cursed, Tarrama--ye be lucky indeed in having none of it. : >

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 17:12:56 -0800

If thar be kitties on the seven seas
With a yo, ho, yo kitty cats
Then scrub 'em and brush 'em and check 'em for fleas
Yo ho Kitty, it's time for your bath.

By: arto

arto — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 20:15:26 -0800

We sail tonight for Singapore
We're all as mad as hatters here
I've fallen for a tawny Moor
Took off to the land of Nod
Drank with all the Chinamen
Walked the sewers of Paris
I danced along a colored wind
Dangled from a rope of sand
You must say goodbye to me

By: Quinbus Flestrin

Quinbus Flestrin — Sun, 19 Sep 2004 20:59:01 -0800

Oxen and wain-ropes would not bring me back again to that accursed island; and the worst dreams that ever I have are when I hear the surf booming about its coasts, or start upright in bed, with the sharp voice of Captain Flint still ringing in my ears: `Pieces of eight! pieces of eight!'

By: emmling

emmling — Mon, 20 Sep 2004 01:17:08 -0800

Well, I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine
I had a little stretch of land along the C. P. line
But times got tough, and though I tried, the money wasn't there
The bankers came and took my land and told me, "Fair is fair"
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always no
"Hire you now?" they'd always laugh, "We just let twenty go!" (Ha ha!)
The government, they promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum

Then I thought, who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I'm gonna be a pirate on the river Saskatchewan! (Arr!)

{Refrain:}
And it's a heave (ho!) hi (ho!), coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a ho (hey!) hi (hey!), farmers bar yer doors
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores

Well, you'd think the local farmers would know that I'm at large
But just the other day I found an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser
I rammed the ship and sank it and I stole the fertilizer
Bridge outside of Moose Jaw spans a mighty river
Farmers cross in so much fear, their stomach's are a-quiver
'Cause they know that Captain Tractor's hiding in the bay
I'll jump the bridge, and knock 'em cold, and sail off with their hay

{Refrain}

Well, Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shoreline 'cause he didn't own a boat
But the cutbacks were a-comin' and the Mountie lost his job
So now he's sailing with me and we call him Salty Bob
A swingin' sword, a skull-and-bones, and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the GST (Screw it!)
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, the terror of the sea
If you wanna reach the co-op, boy, you gotta get by me! (Arr!)

{Refrain}

Well, the pirate life's appealing but you don't just find it here
I hear in north Alberta there's a band of buccaneers
They roam the Athabasca from Smith to Fort MacKay
And you're gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way
Well, winter is a-comin' and a chill is in the breeze
My pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime, but now I've got to go
I hear there's lots of plunderin' down in New Mexico

{Refrain}

When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores!
When you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores!

By: mr.marx

mr.marx — Mon, 20 Sep 2004 01:45:59 -0800

Old Jokes' Home:
Q: What do you get when cross a paedo and a pirate?
A: Arrrrrrr Kelly.

Courtesy of Popbitch.

By: Zonker

Zonker — Tue, 21 Sep 2004 05:23:50 -0800

Better late than never:

A pirate ship's a-sailin',
Out on the stormy sea,
Radio Free America,
Just for you and me,
The big radio stations,
Are stinkin' up the air,
Their pusillanimous plot,
Is a real nightmare,

Chorus:
Aye aye mateys, oh,
Come on the pirate radio,
Land of the free and home of the brave,
F.C.C. crawl in your grave,

The Coast Guard's a-comin',
To shut the pirates down,
They don't believe in free speech,
The F.C.C.'s in town,
With their hacksaws and their hammers,
They smash it all to bits,
They won a little battle,
But the war's not over yet,

Chorus

What are they afraid of?
That we might tell the truth?
We might play something good,
And it wouldn't be a goof,
What we need is liberty,
Not no stinky laws,
Freedom from the F.C.C.,
Their money-grubbin' paws,

Chorus

A pirate flag's a-wavin',
To fight the F.C.C.,
Lilly-livered scalawags,
Full of mendacity,
It's mutiny on the airwaves,
We're swilling lots of rum,
We'll make them walk the plank,
We're having lots of fun.

Chorus