December 3, 2004

9:09 AM

In the course of answering PurplePorpoise's pillow question, I mention (for background) that I suffer from a painful, chronic autoimmune disease. This is Pretty_Generic's response. That didn't hurt much, really -- less than my back does most days -- but it doesn't make him any less of an insensitive prick. Mocking someone's illness shouldn't be considered good conduct.
posted by mcwetboy to etiquette/policy at 9:09 AM (55 comments total)

Yeah, that's some assholish dickery.
posted by scarabic at 9:25 AM on December 3, 2004

It looks to me like he was laughing at the unusual-sounding name, not the condition itself, but I agree that it came across as pretty obnoxious.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:26 AM on December 3, 2004

Perhaps he was ignorant and did not realize that was a real disease. It IS a funny sounding name, honestly.

If he did know, that was pretty bad.
posted by konolia at 9:27 AM on December 3, 2004

I think Pretty_Generic can be pretty funny at times, but will be the first to admit that he can be a real pain in the neck.
posted by Eamon at 9:30 AM on December 3, 2004

If it's a joke, I don't get it. In what way is "ankylosing spondylitis" funny sounding (or at least any more "funny sounding" than any other Latin-originated disease name)?

I vote for assholish dickery.
posted by pardonyou? at 9:32 AM on December 3, 2004

It is a funny name, and if someone said it to me in person, a laugh might burst out or a confused grin flicker across my face involuntarily. But it takes at least two clicks and some keyboarding - quite deliberate - to mock someone's ailment here. I like PG, but he requires regular maintenance spankings.
posted by scarabic at 9:33 AM on December 3, 2004

Loose ankles = not funny.
Cancer... now THAT'S funny.
posted by Witty at 9:37 AM on December 3, 2004

(As an aside. Some information on the disease for those that need it or are merely curious, from the NASS, the Spondylitis Association of America, the Arthritis Society, and Yahoo! Health.)
posted by mcwetboy at 9:46 AM on December 3, 2004

That's fucking dumb, and I deleted it. I really wish people would read the message below the box where you post *answers* in Ask MetaFilter.
posted by mathowie at 9:49 AM on December 3, 2004

I'm Matt Haughey, and I deleted this dumb fucking message.
posted by scarabic at 9:51 AM on December 3, 2004

In what way is "ankylosing spondylitis" funny sounding

I laugh every time I read it.
posted by esch at 9:53 AM on December 3, 2004

In what way is "ankylosing spondylitis" funny sounding

in a classic three stooges way. in what way are you an enjoyable, sense of humor endowed human being?
posted by quonsar at 9:53 AM on December 3, 2004

Cancer... now THAT'S funny.

Umm, sorta. I think the best part about having cancer was when people asked me how I was feeling. I would tell them cancerous. I think it was more humor for me though.
posted by FunkyHelix at 9:53 AM on December 3, 2004

It's okay mcwetboy. PG is a dateless loser. ;p Just kidding. Honestly, I don't think he meant any harm, especially knowing that your disease is not terminal. Still it's lame to make fun of peoples' illness...but perhaps no one ever told him that this is unacceptable behavior? In that case (rolls up newspaper): PG, bad! Not on mathowie's good carpet.
posted by naxosaxur at 9:54 AM on December 3, 2004

Sorry, I was drunk. I know that's not an excuse.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 10:00 AM on December 3, 2004

And yes, I was just laughing at the name.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 10:01 AM on December 3, 2004

And calls for a breathilizer test before posting rights are granted starts up again...
posted by mathowie at 10:03 AM on December 3, 2004

How about using the Cursor Love Bunny instead of a submit button?
posted by Pretty_Generic at 10:05 AM on December 3, 2004

See, now that's funny.
posted by mcwetboy at 10:15 AM on December 3, 2004

It does have a kind of a lilt to it; it's bouncy or bubbly:

ANG-kee-LOW-sing-SPON-dee-LIE-tus
posted by Shane at 10:27 AM on December 3, 2004

Sorry, I feel bad now.
posted by Shane at 10:29 AM on December 3, 2004

Everybody blames stupid shit they do on being drunk. No good no more. STRING HIM UP.
posted by Hildago at 10:38 AM on December 3, 2004

It sounds like candy hocked by Gene Wilder in a wacky place known as the Chocolate Factory.

Probably nothing like candy, however.
posted by Lola_G at 10:40 AM on December 3, 2004

P.S. The cursor "love bunny" is hard.
posted by Lola_G at 10:43 AM on December 3, 2004

Lola_G: maybe it's time to consider that you have a problem. There are people who can help.
posted by Eamon at 10:45 AM on December 3, 2004

You?

Where should we start? Alphabetically or chronologically?
posted by Lola_G at 10:49 AM on December 3, 2004

Isn't one of the commandments, Thou Shalt Not MetaFilter While Plastered?

Being drunk is a pathetic excuse, P_G, go with space aliens took control of your body. Or maybe don't go online when you're drunk. Or convert this tech to keep you from posting until you've sobered up. Then you don't have anything to blame your rudeness on.
posted by fenriq at 10:53 AM on December 3, 2004

I didn't laugh, but I did go, "uh?" when I read the original comment. Much easier to say, "I suffer from a painful, chronic autoimmune disease, so I use xxxx" than "I have something-funny-sounding-you-haven't-heard-of-and-I'm-not-explaining-it, so I use xxxx".
posted by bonaldi at 10:57 AM on December 3, 2004

Well, some good came out of Pretty_Generic's comment - I now know not to metafilter while drunk!

Does anyone know of a way to get lock out certain addresses in Mozilla (WinXP) during certain times of the day? ;)
posted by PurplePorpoise at 11:21 AM on December 3, 2004

Well I am more than a little tired of having to explain the damn disease every time I mention it. (I am trying to curb my impulse to lecture.) If you don't know what it is, you do have some options available to you.

Since this does come up every now and then, I suppose I could have a page of quick and easy links about it. But that won't help with face-to-face conversations.

You have no idea how much it sucks to have a disease no one has heard of. It's not fatal, sure, but it hurts like fuck sometimes. There have been times when I've been unable to walk. And I've had it for 7½ years now. So the sniggering about the name doesn't really turn my crank. Frankly, if someone had burst out laughing in my physical presence, I'd have torn out their larynx.

They should have called it "bamboo spine": that's evocative.
posted by mcwetboy at 11:27 AM on December 3, 2004

So mcwetboy, what therapies - if any - is your doctor treating you with?
posted by PurplePorpoise at 11:29 AM on December 3, 2004

PurplePorpoise: see my posts on my group blog, Ankylose This! [self link! self link!], where I go into this subject in far more detail than is appropriate for MetaTalk.
posted by mcwetboy at 11:34 AM on December 3, 2004

You have no idea how much it sucks to have a disease no one has heard of.

Try having a disease that there's not a name for. That's even more fun. So, a researcher four years ago found the mutation for the disease that runs in my family, but it's not clear if that has led to, or relates to, an accurate name for it. Intense web searching last year revealed that the US clearinghouse for skeletal diseases and nomenclature had suspiciously added a new category that seems to (my lay analysis) describe our disease. So, is that what it is? I dunno. The orthapedic surgeons we're used to seeing don't much care, really, since basically they're mechanics so they just put in a new joint and don't worry about why the osteoarthritis is there. Maybe a rheumatologist? And this isn't exactly moot—besides the whole thing of being a young person who has difficulty walking but can't really say what the disease is—because I'm running the gauntlet of the application process for social security disability (mostly so I can get medicare and then actually get my hips replaced) and these clerks that evaluate this stuff care a lot about, you know, the actual name of the diseases and stuff.

So, yeah, I know a little bit how it feels. :) Hell, you ask each member of my family that has the disease what it is (me, father, sister, uncle, grandmother) and you'll get a different answer from each person.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 12:16 PM on December 3, 2004

If you don't know what it is, you do have some options available to you. ... a disease no-one has heard of

Sorry, I thought you were trying to communicate, not to set us little puzzles.

If you know that your condition is rare or oblique, the onus is on you to explain it. I once had a boss with a hideously hard-to-spell name. Yet, every time he had to spell it out for someone over the phone, he'd sigh and make a big palaver about doing it. Sheesh.
posted by bonaldi at 12:35 PM on December 3, 2004

"Anky" and "spondy" are funny. The condition you're suffering of course, is not.

Wasn't there a previous incident on the green where someone admitted to having lupus, and somebody else responded with a wolf joke?
posted by availablelight at 12:51 PM on December 3, 2004

The point was not to set little puzzles, bonaldi; it just sounded that you were making me responsible: I get what's coming to me if I don't explain every time (just glancing over it and letting it pass without sniggering is an option). The onus may be on me and your former boss, but it doesn't mean we like it, or think it's fair. It's like dealing with short jokes: after the first couple of hundred times it gets a little tiresome.
posted by mcwetboy at 1:00 PM on December 3, 2004

The other point was that an explanation of my disease was not germane to the question, which was about pillows. Explaining the disease ("This was too much for Sam. It needed a week's answer, or none.") would have hijacked the thread. Not everybody reads links. It was a brief mention en passant to explain why I had experience with a memory-foam pillow.

But you know what? I don't owe bonaldi or anyone else any fucking explanations as to why I didn't hijack PurplePorpoise's thread.
posted by mcwetboy at 1:28 PM on December 3, 2004

One of the worst things about having one of these diseases that no one has heard about and doesn't have any outwardly visible signs is the bloody lectures you get from healthy people as your prying your way out of your firebird on how evil/rude it is for healthy young people to borrow grandma's handicap placard. You tell them what you have and they accuse you of making it up. After all if they never heard about it it must not exist. Only people missing legs and stuff should use handicap spots. It's a good thing your imaginary disease makes it impossible for you to beat the smug off them.
posted by Mitheral at 1:33 PM on December 3, 2004

Try having a disease that there's not a name for.

Make one up!
posted by norm at 1:48 PM on December 3, 2004

was not germane to the question

No, but an explanation of the disease was germane to your answer. You know the words are meaningless to the majority of readers, so why say "but I use this kind of pillow because of splurtle whiffle mcgurt, so do bear that in mind"?

Using the type of words you used in your post here instead of a complicated name wouldn't hijack the thread and would avoid you setting yourself up for a) the "what's that?" questions you don't like answering and b) the people who snigger.

Not, of course, that *any* of this takes away P_G's responsibility for being twattish, but given that twattish behaviour is a given in life, I usually find it best to not throw it straight balls.
posted by bonaldi at 2:10 PM on December 3, 2004

One of the worst things about having one of these diseases that no one has heard about and doesn't have any outwardly visible signs is the bloody lectures you get from healthy people as your prying your way out of your firebird on how evil/rude it is for healthy young people to borrow grandma's handicap placard.

In a way, I have sort of the opposite problem. I have a hard enough time walking that I can't do my own grocery shopping, for example. Even so, it's only been recently that I'll use a cane when I think I'll be walking a lot, like at the airport. But I won't use the wheelchair, and I won't use the electric cart at the store. And everyone tells me to. But I'm like, "Well, the thing is that I can walk." Inevitably the response from family and friends is, "really?" And I'm like, "well, yeah, literally I can walk. It just hurts a lot." And then they look at me funny.

When I drive my dad's or my sister's car, I'll take advantage of their permits. But I've never gotten around to getting one for myself, although I did get the form and meant to leave it with my doctor. But I haven't driven much in the last few years, so it hasn't seemed that urgent. On the other hand, maybe it's psychologically easier for me to use my dad's or my sister's and feel that I'm entitled, but I am resistant to getting one of my own? Dunno. I'm pretty introspective, but with this kind of stuff I really don't know exactly what's going on in my own head.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 2:17 PM on December 3, 2004

No, but an explanation of the disease was germane to your answer.

It certainly wasn't. It was explained that the disease made it necessary to sleep flat on his back -- that indicates that such a pillow would be a good choice if the individual in question wanted or needed that sleeping arrangement.
I would have found an explanation of his condition without a name rather unnecessary, since it doesn't provide any additional information and eliminates the possibility for someone to learn more. By giving the correct and specific name for his condition but not elaborating, he avoided "hijacking" the thread with his own information not relevant to the question, and enabled the curious to look up more information if they desired it.
posted by j.edwards at 2:39 PM on December 3, 2004

Yes, it's clearly mcwetboy's fault Pretty_Generic got drunk and made fun of his painful disease. mcwetboy, how could you be so selfish and irresponsible?
posted by timeistight at 3:10 PM on December 3, 2004

The other point was that an explanation of my disease was not germane to the question, which was about pillows.

That's what I was thinking. While I sympathize with mcwetboy's suffering, I really don't care to read about his condition on Metafilter.
posted by rushmc at 3:25 PM on December 3, 2004

Christ. It's not tricky, this. If you don't like people making fun of the odd name your disease has, and you hate when it becomes the focus of the discussion, then don't just use its name as if everyone should know what it is.

J.edwards, he may well have avoided "hijacking" with the omission of a couple of words, but he didn't avoid this whole thread, did he? Since behavour like P_G's is to be expected, expect it.

Before someone takes timeistight's point further on and tells me I'm saying rape victims asked for it, I'm not. But most women don't walk down dark alleys alone at night. Sure, they should be able to. Sure, the cops should patrol them. Sure, we should try and get lights put in. But someone's always going to get drunk.
posted by bonaldi at 3:27 PM on December 3, 2004

bonaldi, in the seven years since I've been diagnosed, this is the first time anyone has ever made fun of the disease's odd name, so I wasn't exactly prepared for it. I couldn't even have imagined it.

And it seems to me that not using the name is exactly the wrong solution.
posted by mcwetboy at 3:35 PM on December 3, 2004

Aah, sorry, I thought it happened a lot, though reading back I'm not sure where I got that from.

I agree that you should use the name, though. I suspect that saying "I lie on my back because I've got ankylosing spondylitis (a chronic neurone disease) ..." would have reined in PG right away.
posted by bonaldi at 3:45 PM on December 3, 2004

this is the first time anyone has ever made fun of the disease's odd name

You're shitting me. I saw the name and chuckled - at the sound! at the sound! - and moved on. I read it twice, thinking it was a joke the first time. Any word that starts with the letters anky just looks amusing, at least to my philistine ears.
posted by CunningLinguist at 4:22 PM on December 3, 2004

Show me a group of people that like to discuss their issues in a caring sharing way, and show me another bunch who like to laugh at words because they sound funny, "Antlerhead Spondoolicks - ahahaha" and I know who I'd choose to be near.

Could we all just set our political correctness phasers to stun instead of kill?
posted by seanyboy at 4:23 PM on December 3, 2004

You have no idea how much it sucks to have a disease no one has heard of.

I just wanted to say that, off the top of my head, I knew of three minor British celebrities who suffer from it*.

It is a pretty amusing name, as these things go. But the onus is obviously on people to not make jokes about it when writing a response to someone who suffers from it. In a way that wouldn't apply if you just heard it down the pub with some friends. The same applies to, for example, "necrotizing fasciitis" and "winter vomiting".

Heh… "Winter vomiting".

*Mike Atherton, Ian Woosnam and Lee Hurst, trivia fans.
posted by flashboy at 5:18 PM on December 3, 2004

*sigh*

Ankylosing Spondylitis CAN be lethal. The condition can twist a person's body until their internal organs are mashed, deformed, and the circulation compromised. I've personally cared for two people who died of complications related to the condition: kidney failure and pneumonia unresponsive to treatment (those mashed, contorted organs).

mcwetboy.. my sympathy to you. It's a painful, debilitating condition, and the treatments are aimed at treating the collateral symptoms, there's no cure in sight. Not everyone is affected unto death, but it can happen.

People do laugh at things they don't understand (I call it a monkey-fear response). Just last week, some college kid laughed at the name of my neighbour's disease: Rheumatoid Arthritis. She put it off to his history of living and breathing video games; a kind of mental immaturity.

My best wishes to you who deal with chronic disease.
posted by reflecked at 5:24 PM on December 3, 2004

I'm familiar with having a disease that no one knows what it is, nor doesn't have a name. For the past few years, I've been affected by unexplained muscle weakness and cramping, and no doctor can put their finger on it. It mainly affects my hands, arms, and eyes, and my legs when climbing up hills/stairs. It also comes and goes, but certain conditions, like alcohol, hot weather, and/or stress make it a lot worse. My GP is baffled, as is my psychiatrist and neurologist, and I really don't feel like taking yet more invasive tests, just to be told that I should up my antidepressants.

Luckily, I'm still able to work full time, and can do my errands adequately without a car with creative time planning and my trusty bike messenger bag. (I dare not drive with varying/bad vision. I'd rather take a King County Metro bus filled with drunks and vomit than plow down someone because I didn't see them.) It's usually not obvious unless the hands are involved - then they curl up and I can't really move them. It's a world of suck, but at least I have all 4 limbs to fatigue, cramp up, and not function well.

For the record, I have also named my Mystery Disease: 'Sparky'.

So I am currently suffering from an acute flareup of Sparky.
posted by spinifex23 at 11:27 PM on December 3, 2004

Cultural divide: Brits laugh at tragic, unfunny things. It's a coping mechanism. On the one hand it *is* insensitive, but on the other is the tremendous legacy. Every time the "mocking a foreign accent = racism" debate comes up I think of all the television comedy over here that goes in for the joke; and no it isn't the gobshite of the 60s and 70s with questionable ethics, but modern high-brow comedy, too. Through all the pleas of cultural understanding the altogether different British sense of humour is overlooked. Not to say the comment was acceptable -- I didn't see it; but Pretty Generic does make MeFi are more colourful website to read.
posted by nthdegx at 3:38 AM on December 4, 2004

nthdegx: I'm a fan of British humor and aware of the tendency you describe, but see flashboy's comment above for the difference between making a morbid joke at the pub and doing it in an AskMe thread.
posted by languagehat at 7:53 AM on December 4, 2004

Inflammation of the foreskin
reminds me of your smile
posted by mr.marx at 8:13 AM on December 4, 2004