On the Internet, nobody knows you're a whelk July 23, 2013 12:33 PM   Subscribe

Congratulations The Whelk on selling yet another cartoon to the New Yorker! \(^O^)/
posted by Foci for Analysis to MetaFilter-Related at 12:33 PM (144 comments total) 27 users marked this as a favorite

It had better be about his recent observations about Supernatural.
posted by Kitteh at 12:35 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Neat!
posted by Sticherbeast at 12:36 PM on July 23, 2013


Is there a link to the cartoon itself? Congrats!
posted by jetlagaddict at 12:37 PM on July 23, 2013


It better be the Ghostbusters GIF or I'm going to demand a refund.
posted by The World Famous at 12:39 PM on July 23, 2013


Oh the new yorker cartoon section?

BOO THIS MAN
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:40 PM on July 23, 2013


Is there a link to the cartoon itself? Congrats!

I'm handing in the final art tomorrow, so it's gotta remain a secret to everybody until it gets published, most likely within the next 3-4 months.
posted by The Whelk at 12:42 PM on July 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


WHERES THE INTEGRITY I ASK YOU
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:44 PM on July 23, 2013


Publish it here now I'm sure there is nothing legally wrong with that at all
(IAYL but IANAL)
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:45 PM on July 23, 2013 [17 favorites]


Prior Art.
posted by filthy light thief at 12:49 PM on July 23, 2013 [13 favorites]


You're just jealous of my hair Potomac

Prior Art

oh god what was I thinking
posted by The Whelk at 12:50 PM on July 23, 2013


If there is a god, the caption to this cartoon includes the word "Assbutt."
posted by FelliniBlank at 12:50 PM on July 23, 2013


Christ, what an asshole.
posted by charred husk at 12:52 PM on July 23, 2013 [17 favorites]


Woohoo! Congrats!
posted by rmd1023 at 12:55 PM on July 23, 2013


That's fantastic! Congratulations.
posted by ambrosia at 12:56 PM on July 23, 2013


THAT'S EXTREMELY EXCITING. I'M EXTREMELY EXCITED FOR YOU.
posted by kate blank at 12:59 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


if the timing is right this thread might be open for two other announcements I've been waiting for and working on all summer that are both Mefite favorites...
posted by The Whelk at 1:00 PM on July 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


How do I know when I;m done appreciating your cartoons?

JK Damn you and your beautiful locks
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:00 PM on July 23, 2013


Awesome! Congrats!
posted by pointystick at 1:02 PM on July 23, 2013


if it is art critic snake i am suing you for one billion dollars
posted by elizardbits at 1:02 PM on July 23, 2013 [7 favorites]


art critic snake finds this insufferably bourgeois
posted by The Whelk at 1:04 PM on July 23, 2013 [13 favorites]


this thread might be open for two other announcements

1) They're finally changing their name to the Yorker? I mean, come on - it's hardly new anymore.

2) You're not actually a Buccinidae, but rather a Littorinidae?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:04 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Woo! That's fantastic!
posted by rtha at 1:13 PM on July 23, 2013


I'm going to assume it's filth.
posted by Artw at 1:24 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


if the timing is right this thread might be open for two other announcements I've been waiting for and working on all summer that are both Mefite favorites...

The all-cat remake of Veronica Mars?
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:26 PM on July 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


Veronica Meows.
posted by The Whelk at 1:26 PM on July 23, 2013 [13 favorites]


Mazel Tov, The Whelk.
posted by Capt. Renault at 1:28 PM on July 23, 2013


Another day, another cocaine pellet.
posted by peeedro at 1:32 PM on July 23, 2013


What's a "hiaku"?
posted by 256 at 1:41 PM on July 23, 2013


Oh my god, we're delicious!
posted by Kevin Street at 1:42 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Hooray!
posted by Shepherd at 1:42 PM on July 23, 2013


What's a "hiaku"?

Only giant robots can combat them!
posted by Artw at 1:45 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


What's a "hiaku"?

it's twenty dollars
same as in twon, hi, aku
make yourslef at home
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:46 PM on July 23, 2013 [14 favorites]


lkie you peopel type so wel
posted by The Whelk at 1:49 PM on July 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


Criticize our typing and we will not laugh at your cartoons.
posted by Cranberry at 2:03 PM on July 23, 2013


Hah! The cows one near the bottom made me laugh so loud the neighbor banged on the wall in annoyance.
posted by Wordshore at 2:06 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


*\o/*
posted by peripathetic at 2:07 PM on July 23, 2013


:D
posted by ocherdraco at 2:08 PM on July 23, 2013


Criticize our typing and we will not laugh at your cartoons

Not willingly, maybe-- but he hasn't needed that for his comments, in my experience.
posted by jamjam at 2:09 PM on July 23, 2013


Sweeeeeeeeeeeeet.


Tell us what issue it will be in!
posted by So You're Saying These Are Pants? at 2:10 PM on July 23, 2013


Whelk's a good guy. One time he sent me REAL NEW YORK BAGELS and they were delicious, and I gave him some free service from my company (which I'm not going to name but it rhymes with "pet tricks" shhh don't tell anybody), which was not delicious but I hope he enjoyed it anyway.

In conclusion, The Whelk is a land of contrasts
posted by maqsarian at 2:11 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Oh, we'll still laugh at the cartoons. They're awesome.
posted by Kevin Street at 2:11 PM on July 23, 2013


Speaking of criticizing typing, is it really supposed to say "contintues" in the blog's description? In The Whelk's defense, there's a typo in one of my Tumblr blurbs and damned if I can't find the setting to fix it.
posted by knile at 2:12 PM on July 23, 2013


Oh that's right, maqsarian is indirectly responsible for me idly checking out the prices for a '67 black Impala in good condition.
posted by The Whelk at 2:12 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


then my work here is done
posted by maqsarian at 2:17 PM on July 23, 2013


Oh! and above, unless I knew for a fact it was bought for a single theme issue "fashion, etc", I have no idea what issue it'll be in (but it seems to be roughly 3 months from sale)
posted by The Whelk at 2:18 PM on July 23, 2013


Congrats, John! I know I already squeed with you on gchat but: squeeeee!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:26 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


please let the caption be

christ what an asshole
posted by klangklangston at 2:40 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Yay!
posted by EvaDestruction at 2:40 PM on July 23, 2013


Please let the caption say something about hardcore taters.
posted by double block and bleed at 2:45 PM on July 23, 2013


Had I known, I would've used the REAL NEW YORK BAGELS he sent me for hamburger sandwiches, or even roast beef.
Because hardcore taters are OUT, delicious cows are IN.
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:46 PM on July 23, 2013


Prior Art.

Wait how had I never seen that? I love ALL THOSE
posted by sweetkid at 2:48 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


GenjiandProust: "The all-cat remake of Veronica Mars?"

Shut up and take my money.

My cat Dusty, though looking nothing like Kristen Bell, would be so perfect as the lead because she acts so tough but is actually very sensitive and empathetic and did I really just wonder about how I'm not sure I could deal with filming my cat getting roofied...

Let's change the subject. Congrats -- this is awesome news.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 2:48 PM on July 23, 2013 [3 favorites]


Artw: "I'm going to assume it's filth."

One does hope.
posted by deborah at 2:49 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Criticize our typing and we will not laugh at your cartoons.

Come on, they're New Yorker cartoons; you're not supposed to laugh at them.
posted by FelliniBlank at 2:50 PM on July 23, 2013


strangely, i rewatched last night Ghostbusters for the first time in about two decades, as if i somehow knew that this great honor had come to another mefite
posted by angrycat at 2:51 PM on July 23, 2013


I shouldn't say anything, but I managed to sneak a peak by guessing at the filename format on the website. Spoiler alert.

It's actually a drawing of two women and a man, and the man is trying to show off for them by picking a fight despite the fact that he's clearly suffering from some sort of debilitating illness, and one of the women says to the other:

"Chris, that wan asshole."
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:58 PM on July 23, 2013 [10 favorites]


Oddly the last time I saw Ghostbusters, it was at a huge theatre in San Fransisco and there was an actual honest to god aftershock tremor right when the containment grid was shut down.
posted by The Whelk at 2:58 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Wait, that was the wrong one, sorry. I think it's this one, there's a picture of a British soldier standing near the prone, blood-stained corpse of Torchwood operative Gwen Cooper, and a reporter's got a microphone in his face and is asking what happened. Caption reads,

"Shot a Welsh Anarchist."
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:01 PM on July 23, 2013 [10 favorites]


I have two friends named Aku.
posted by spitbull at 3:05 PM on July 23, 2013


Shit, I really can't tell which .jpg is which here, I was going by datestamp but I think maybe this directory got re-arranged or something so now everything's out of order.

Maybe it's this one? There's a couple of pirates peering over the bow of their ship, watching the sea, and one's turning to the other and speaking as he points to a horned sea-mammal with knitting gear swimming ahead of the ship, and he's saying:

"Ho! A narwhal's stitches."
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:06 PM on July 23, 2013 [12 favorites]


Oddly the last time I saw Ghostbusters, it was at a huge theatre in San Fransisco and there was an actual honest to god aftershock tremor right when the containment grid was shut down.

Weird. The last time I saw Tremors, it was at a tiny theatre in Perfection and after the show, Michael Gross shot me.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:07 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


You know, that's nice, but The Whelk is also one of the most frequent responders to my Twitter account, and that's where the real money is.
posted by Bunny Ultramod at 3:09 PM on July 23, 2013


There's another one here that's pretty badly artifacted, I'm not sure what's going on exactly but it looks like maybe a Scotsman wearing an inflatable kilt? Maybe? I'm guessing from context, the caption says "A tartan which sloshes!"
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:11 PM on July 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


Wait, this one is just a drawing of the Iron Lady in a clawfoot tub and the words "Wash a Thatcher's loins". I'm starting to see why more of these haven't gotten bought, man.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:14 PM on July 23, 2013 [10 favorites]


I like this one with the two kids looking at their dad's baseball card collection, though. One kid's holding up a card with a pitcher for the '52 Browns on it, and saying, "gosh, I hope we can meet him someday," and the dad's response in the caption is just "Satchel's a wraith, hons."
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:20 PM on July 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


I think we may have finally broken cortex.
posted by zombieflanders at 3:25 PM on July 23, 2013 [11 favorites]


Okay, now there's two clearly drunken ladies, holding martinis, sneaking up behind a bunch of Gregorian monks doing some sort of street performance at Christmas? I guess? And one lady is saying "I can't believe I'm doing this!" while grabbing the scarf off one of the monks while the other shouts at her:

"Hoist a chanter's shawl!"
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:27 PM on July 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


Cortex


Are you okay?
posted by The Whelk at 3:32 PM on July 23, 2013 [16 favorites]


Someone press the reset button on cortex. He's stuck doing that thing again.
posted by double block and bleed at 3:36 PM on July 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


If it's a slow day at work, cortex, I could go pick a fight in a thread for you if you want.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:36 PM on July 23, 2013 [13 favorites]


Oh, man, I'm guessing it's this one. Husband and wife are walking past a street cart selling snake oil and snakeskin heels, loafers, boots, etc, and the couple are both pointing and shouting at each other but he's angry and she's clearly excited, and the caption says:

"Chartlatans!" "With shoes!"
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:40 PM on July 23, 2013 [9 favorites]


Rants seal which oaths, cortex?
posted by ambrosen at 3:43 PM on July 23, 2013


4
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:44 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


We've just broken some kind of seal, haven't we?
posted by The Whelk at 3:50 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Or is it the one with the two black-turtlenecked snoots, being catty over wineglasses as they sit by the runway of the ACE Hardware Fashion Show, one whispering to the other, "I think this might be a little too outre, honestly..." while we see the emcee announcing the next model's outfit:

"HOT CHAINSAWS HALTERS"
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:50 PM on July 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


That left-turn askme is just begging for a brawl. Meet you there, Empress?
posted by rtha at 3:51 PM on July 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


This one's just a picture of three dudes standing in front of Cardiff Castle and holding their crotches and wailing miserably, and you wrote "Hah! Welsh castrations!" underneath. I think you basically have a problem with Wales or something.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:57 PM on July 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


I guess this one is Spock? It's a Vulcan, anyway, Starfleet uniform, and he's standing in a rural field in I guess Washington because you can see the Space Needle in the distance? Oh, this can't be the new one because it's a little late to be topical for the whole decriminalizing-weed thing, but there's Spock and a bunch of cows in this field and it's full of pot plants and the cows are smoking joints and they're all saying "mooo" and "moo mooo moo" to each other, and Spock's holding what I guess is supposed to be a tricorder but it's basically just a rectangle, and he's talking into it, and the caption says:

"Translate cow." "Hashish."
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:05 PM on July 23, 2013 [8 favorites]


This one's just that same Thatcher-in-the-bath one but you added arrows pointing toward toward several body parts and you captioned it "Washcloth areas hints".
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:08 PM on July 23, 2013 [6 favorites]


"Chris, that wan asshole," is the only one of these I have been able to parse. Not sure which one of us is broken. Maybe both.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:10 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


He seems to be going into a downward spiral. A cortex vortex, if you will.
posted by zombieflanders at 4:12 PM on July 23, 2013 [11 favorites]


see above, re: hashish.
posted by The Whelk at 4:12 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]


Congrats, John! I know I already squeed with you on gchat but: squeeeee!

My vision comes and goes, and I was briefly wondering you you had squeezed his Gchat butt....
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:15 PM on July 23, 2013 [2 favorites]




Hey Cortex

It's Tuesday

again.
posted by The Whelk at 4:37 PM on July 23, 2013


I finally started watching that goddam show, mostly because of elizardbits' stupid tumblr's stupid face, and so now that meme is a spoiler because I haven't seen the episode where it's Tuesday again yet and I know it's coming.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:51 PM on July 23, 2013 [5 favorites]


As far as I can tell this entire site exists now to get people to watch that show.

(and teen wolf )
posted by The Whelk at 4:58 PM on July 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


A cortex vortex, if you will.

In inclement weather, will we see a cortex gore-tex vortex?
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:03 PM on July 23, 2013


A cortex vortex, if you will.

Cortexnado?
posted by Wordshore at 5:10 PM on July 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


cortex gore-tex vortex?

Sounds kinda hot. Can we have more sex in the cortex gore-tex vortex?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:15 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Relevant

But seriously Whelk, Congrats! I hadn't seen your previous work till now and I find it fantastic!
posted by Twain Device at 5:18 PM on July 23, 2013


Prior Art

For some reason I was sort of hoping this was a link to a single topic webcomic about a bitter old crank called Arthur who has delusions that he was actually the inventor of various things.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:23 PM on July 23, 2013


Excellent.
posted by OmieWise at 5:24 PM on July 23, 2013


cortex: ""Translate cow." "Hashish.""

what
posted by jquinby at 5:27 PM on July 23, 2013


I may have just favourited cortex more than I have favourited everyone else combined over the last month.
posted by 256 at 5:54 PM on July 23, 2013


[asplodes because cortex]
posted by desuetude at 6:15 PM on July 23, 2013


"JEJUNE." Heh.
posted by halfbuckaroo at 6:18 PM on July 23, 2013


hay cortex haaay
posted by elizardbits at 6:23 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Cheers to (and for) The Whelk.
posted by soundguy99 at 7:42 PM on July 23, 2013


I really love the "Apocalypse" one, Whelk. Gblahh so poignant/relevant.
posted by threeants at 7:53 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well done, The Whelk!
posted by theora55 at 8:03 PM on July 23, 2013


Pig in a poke with a side of bacon.
posted by FelliniBlank at 9:05 PM on July 23, 2013


You forgot the pie.
posted by The Whelk at 9:08 PM on July 23, 2013


The Whelk: " if the timing is right this thread might be open for two other announcements I've been waiting for and working on all summer that are both Mefite favorites..."

One had best involve gin or I will be quite disappointed.
posted by gingerbeer at 9:16 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Hope springs eternal.
posted by The Whelk at 9:25 PM on July 23, 2013


Cortex programmed some sort of bot again, didn't he?
posted by lollusc at 9:48 PM on July 23, 2013


It's like you people have never heard of inventing descriptions of fake New Yorker cartoons to satisfy the contraint of captions built from anagrams of "Christ, what an asshole" before. What did you do on saturday nights in highschool?
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:24 PM on July 23, 2013 [11 favorites]


"Whelk" done! (I'm sorry. Seriously though, congrats! Very awesome!)
posted by windykites at 10:26 PM on July 23, 2013 [1 favorite]


Cortex, what an anagramer.
posted by The Whelk at 10:29 PM on July 23, 2013 [4 favorites]


Anger, ax - Reattach arm now!
posted by expialidocious at 11:00 PM on July 23, 2013


Congratulations, The Whelk! That's awesome!
posted by colfax at 3:05 AM on July 24, 2013


Congratulations, The Whelk!
posted by Gelatin at 5:05 AM on July 24, 2013


I was rejected when I did this, about age 10. I'm glad you made it!
posted by thelonius at 6:01 AM on July 24, 2013


Congratulations. Enjoyed seeing your work.
posted by dragonplayer at 7:11 AM on July 24, 2013


"A sale? Snatch his worth!"

Congrats, The Whelk.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 7:41 AM on July 24, 2013


Big congrats! I love your work and it's nice to know there's a MeFite infiltrating the NYer ranks.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 7:50 AM on July 24, 2013


hay cortex haaay
posted by The Whelk at 8:55 AM on July 24, 2013


THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BEST HUEY LEWIS SONG ON THAT MOVIE'S SOUNDTRACK
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:07 AM on July 24, 2013


don't worry, it'll be funny in the future.
posted by The Whelk at 9:09 AM on July 24, 2013


Way to nag a ram.
posted by maryr at 9:56 AM on July 24, 2013


dropped off final art
posted by The Whelk at 10:22 AM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Who ran a stitch hassle?
posted by Sys Rq at 10:26 AM on July 24, 2013


Then there's the one I saw with a pirate using a Markov generator standing next to his dog, and the caption read, "Ahoy, chunders! Me doggy!"

I don't think I'm doing this right.
posted by slogger at 10:36 AM on July 24, 2013


Congrats, Whelk!
posted by homunculus at 11:57 AM on July 24, 2013


We've just broken some kind of seal, haven't we?

Nah, I'm good.

Congratulations, The Whelk! I look forward to the coffee table book.
posted by arcticseal at 12:16 PM on July 24, 2013 [5 favorites]


WASHCLOTH AREAS
posted by mintcake! at 12:33 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Well done, Whelk.
posted by mintcake! at 12:34 PM on July 24, 2013



The Whelk's Cartoon =

wat - There No Shlock!

What no creek sloth?

Lo! What chokes rent!

posted by lalochezia at 12:47 PM on July 24, 2013


Lo! What rent chokes! sounds like a great opening line in a restoration farce set in modern day brooklyn.
posted by The Whelk at 2:24 PM on July 24, 2013 [1 favorite]


Oh the cows one - and the dog in the bag. Thanks Whelk - you owe me a lung.
posted by panboi at 3:05 PM on July 24, 2013


cortex: "It's like you people have never heard of inventing descriptions of fake New Yorker cartoons to satisfy the contraint of captions built from anagrams of "Christ, what an asshole" before. What did you do on saturday nights in highschool?"

Had sex with girls.
posted by double block and bleed at 7:07 PM on July 24, 2013 [3 favorites]


Yay! Congrats, dear Whelk!
posted by bitter-girl.com at 7:23 PM on July 24, 2013


Ziggy is standing at a window marked “Complaints.” He says “I wish I was taller.”
posted by Gringos Without Borders at 11:32 PM on July 24, 2013 [2 favorites]


Congratulations to The Whelk. Also the 2 linked cartoons are ace, and if I had any money I would buy both! Also I like the Cortex/Vortex pic, the confusion with your hand making a C over the V is cool. Like when Eno would sing two different words in the lyrics on each vocal track.
posted by marienbad at 3:36 AM on July 25, 2013


Big ups!
posted by cazoo at 5:12 PM on July 25, 2013


Oh, neato! Congrats.
posted by Brody's chum at 11:05 PM on July 27, 2013


who's this? ::stalks::

congrats!
posted by cristinacristinacristina at 3:50 PM on July 28, 2013


rise and shine cortex!

heading to second drop off right now.
posted by The Whelk at 7:56 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


things I have made the cartoon editor say : " what is twerking?"
posted by The Whelk at 8:35 AM on July 30, 2013 [1 favorite]


Because I have Twitter I am aware there is a thing called twerking, but, presumably because I do not have Tumblr I am not 100% sure what it is.
posted by Artw at 8:52 AM on July 30, 2013


Troy Barnes would probably classify twerking as "butt stuff."
posted by ocherdraco at 8:56 AM on July 30, 2013


I described it as being a bit like a break dancing
posted by The Whelk at 8:58 AM on July 30, 2013


Twerking is an astrophysical model that premises that the world revolves around the moon.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:30 AM on July 30, 2013 [3 favorites]


It looks like twerk didn't sell and I lost the chance to break "selfie" but as Captain America as my witnss I am going to sell this cartoon with the word "fandom" in it.
posted by The Whelk at 10:39 PM on August 1, 2013 [2 favorites]


« Older A Favour   |   Orz is thinking *silly cow* are want to *dance*. Newer »

You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments