Matthewchen again April 3, 2006 8:50 AM   Subscribe


*cues cortex*
posted by dersins at 8:52 AM on April 3, 2006


Sorry, it just doesn't scan. And more to the point, I'm at work.
posted by cortex at 8:53 AM on April 3, 2006


Or... maybe he's just curious.
posted by shnoz-gobblin at 8:53 AM on April 3, 2006


I feel like this might be a better place to answer matthewchen's question, rather than the Muir thread, so:

All Mefi members plotted on Google Earth.

now, whether his question merited an answer or not? the nature of the question--was it scientific inquiry as suggested above or snarkiness based on CA-centrism at Metafilter? like, discuss.
posted by carsonb at 8:58 AM on April 3, 2006


Meh.

"♪♫♪MatthewChen is Gathering Demographic Data in Preparation to Recommence Spamming♫♪" doesn't lend itself to balladry quite as well.

And if Lesley Gore has taught us anything, it's that sequel songs usually suck.

METATALK!!!
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:00 AM on April 3, 2006


I'm starting to wonder whether the moonman is just a more garrulous version of goliche. I'm also still irritated that he was allowed to put up yet another Project so soon after his initial self-linking spree. Ah, well.
posted by Gator at 9:04 AM on April 3, 2006


I deleted it, and pulled his posting rights. Sometimes his posts make sense, but many are like the one linked here.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 9:14 AM on April 3, 2006


I've been getting the impression that English is not his first language, and his messages end up being terse or cryptic as a result. But I could be wrong.
posted by crunchland at 9:32 AM on April 3, 2006


I've been getting the impression that English is not his first language...

All the more reason to get the fuck OUT... biotch! "We don't serve your kind here".
posted by Witty at 9:37 AM on April 3, 2006


I've been getting the impression that English is not his first language

Crunchland how could it be supposed? To be asking a thing is silly for I am newly unfamilar with the edicts of protocols. I promise to not happen repeatedly my website.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 9:39 AM on April 3, 2006


His first language appears to be Spamish.
posted by rxrfrx at 9:51 AM on April 3, 2006


What happened? What was the latest?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:52 AM on April 3, 2006


matthewchen asked how many Mefites were Californian in the linked thread. he also mentioned that domino games on ESPN [would be] boring.
posted by carsonb at 10:00 AM on April 3, 2006


His first language appears to be Spamish.

Ding!
posted by ChasFile at 10:06 AM on April 3, 2006


My answer stands undeleted. Dude I am so flagging your^H^H^H^Hmy comment as noise.
posted by cortex at 10:20 AM on April 3, 2006


You know, someone ought to write an ode to the late, great matthewchen
posted by crunchland at 10:25 AM on April 3, 2006


matthewchen, matthewchen
to think we knew you when
forever in our MetaHearts and Heads
evil to make money from deads

matthewchen, matthewchen
your nonsense was so very nearly zen
so sad we never got to know you well
before the banhammer finally fell

oh, matthewchen, oh matthewchen
when will we hear from you again?
will you spam or merely entertain
with words you massacre in vain?

matthewchen, matthewchen
your nonsense was so very nearly zen
so sad we never got to know you well
before the banhammer finally fell
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:38 AM on April 3, 2006


where is the quality control?

I'll miss him.
posted by LarryC at 10:40 AM on April 3, 2006


I will miss you, Matthew Chen.
Perhaps not now, I'm not sure when.
posted by Astro Zombie at 10:47 AM on April 3, 2006


And I will miss him even more,
'Cause when I'm drunk, my aim is poor.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:50 AM on April 3, 2006


So long as there is music in men's hearts, matthewchen will live on.
posted by gigawhat? at 10:53 AM on April 3, 2006


I do not love thee matthewchen
The reasons why, here typed again
You spam and spam and spam again
I do not love thee matthewchen.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 11:04 AM on April 3, 2006


Wow, Martial.
posted by CRM114 at 11:08 AM on April 3, 2006


Hey - no post-editing! ;-p
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:16 AM on April 3, 2006


How I adore thee, matthewchen
a mighty god amongst us men.
Perhaps one day we'll meet again,
but my doleful tears will flow til then.

I can't recall how long it's been
since poor old matthew last was seen;
I saw him babbling on the green,
but now the posts have been wiped clean.

A lesson not easily learn'd
How my soul is scorched and burned!
So I will repent, but still I yearn
for the day of matthewchen's return.
posted by ludwig_van at 11:23 AM on April 3, 2006


I call it "Ode on a matthewchen."
posted by ludwig_van at 11:23 AM on April 3, 2006


matthewchen asked how many Mefites were Californian in the linked thread. he also mentioned that domino games on ESPN [would be] boring.

wha? that's a bannable offense? is this some amaerican cultural thing (like tv related)? v. confused...
posted by andrew cooke at 11:26 AM on April 3, 2006


Whenever matthewchen posted to the blue,
We people on the ‘Filter looked at him:
He was a gentleman from hat to shoe,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he spammed;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"thanks cell divide," and he glittered when he ran.

And he was rich — yes, richer than a king —
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we posted, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And matthewchen, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
posted by dersins at 11:33 AM on April 3, 2006


I have eaten
the plums
that were in

...
Nevermind.
posted by boo_radley at 11:35 AM on April 3, 2006


OK, so... to become a well known member of metafilter I should learn Spamish? Or is ass-hattery generally more well-renowned?
posted by arcticwoman at 11:36 AM on April 3, 2006


A lunatic flameout will get you some attention as well. Man, we live for those. Or, at least, I live for them.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:39 AM on April 3, 2006


I have read
the comment spam
that was in
MetaFilter

and which
you were probably
posting
for reimbursement

Forgive me
they were deleted
so fleeting
and so against the usage agreement
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:42 AM on April 3, 2006


contradictions cover such a range. the talk would talk
posted by andrew cooke at 11:43 AM on April 3, 2006


where is the quality control?
Tai Chi, Qigong, can they heal illness?
the first to suicide to save the earth,
evil to make money from deads.
posted by brain_drain at 11:45 AM on April 3, 2006


thanks cell divide.
metafilter is my daily reading.
Please provide the function to retract a comment.

God, it's like poetry.
posted by Astro Zombie at 11:50 AM on April 3, 2006


But the question remains unanswered. Is the percentage of California-based Mefites on a need to know basis?
posted by Cranberry at 11:50 AM on April 3, 2006


People pay big money for that kind of demographic data, Cranberry.
posted by dersins at 11:52 AM on April 3, 2006


It's matthewchen, hallelujah,
It's matthewchen, a-men.
posted by cillit bang at 11:59 AM on April 3, 2006


Like leaves in autumn
So were matthewchen's comments
Bright, briefly, then gone
posted by Zozo at 12:03 PM on April 3, 2006


matthewchen matthewchen
cute as a monkey (capuchin)
dude stop your moochin'
get a bottle to keep your hooch in
and a bed to score some cooch in
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:05 PM on April 3, 2006


You want a lunatic flameout? I'LL GIVE YOU ONE IF NOBODY COMMENTS ON MY LOVINGLY (BUT POORLY CRAFTED POST.

C'mon, people. Obsess with me.

Thanking you in advance.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 12:05 PM on April 3, 2006


)

for balance
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:09 PM on April 3, 2006


there's
something kind of
disingenuous about
the mea-culpas
spammers always sputter out

"I thought that it'd
be cool", they say
"I didn't know
the rules", they say
their sad red-handed
protestations
cheapen the
benefit of the doubt.
posted by cortex at 12:11 PM on April 3, 2006


ereshkigal45, ereshkigal45
a single paren is nobody's friend
and nobody is so lonely, too
i'd pair them up if i were you
or MetaTalk will have your hide
ereshkigal45, ereshkigal45
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:12 PM on April 3, 2006


maybe you could issue him a losing your load type citation
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:13 PM on April 3, 2006


I was too busy shouting to worry about parens.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 12:15 PM on April 3, 2006


Also, jessamyn or mathowie fixed my mistake which makes my post here look even stoopiter.
posted by ereshkigal45 at 12:15 PM on April 3, 2006


Of course, cortex's comment in the linked thread now comes across as somewhat Dadaesque.
posted by Johnny Assay at 12:21 PM on April 3, 2006


Where will we built the pen
To keep the Spammer, Matthew Chen?
It must be a prison
Without Internet
Or Matthew Chen
Will spam us yet.
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:23 PM on April 3, 2006


Matthewchen started off on the wrong foot here,
Thence came the scramble to set him ablaze.
Try as he might, he just couldn't quite get it,
This is what happens when language betrays.

Farewell, dear matthew, you spammer, you monster!
Thanks for supplying fresh meat for our grins.
Should you decide to rejoin the discussions,
You won't be out but a couple of fins.
posted by Buzz at 12:28 PM on April 3, 2006


O dreadful spamming matthewchen,
You should be locked up in the pen
Or else compared to Adolf Hitler
In poetry on MetaFitler.
posted by Faint of Butt at 12:33 PM on April 3, 2006 [2 favorites]


(and thus, before he realized,
Faint of Butt had Godwinized.)
posted by cortex at 12:46 PM on April 3, 2006


I think Faint of Butt wins.
posted by tiamat at 12:46 PM on April 3, 2006


matthewchen's first comment was gold,
cotex's song was made to hold.
His early spam was a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then English subsided to mummering.
So Mefi sank to burning,
So hammer goes down to ban.
matthewchen can't spam.
posted by ND¢ at 12:47 PM on April 3, 2006


SLANT RHYMER!
posted by cortex at 12:52 PM on April 3, 2006


I think that I shall never ken
A spammer quite like matthewchen.
Five dollars he so loving prest
'Gainst MetaFilter's flowing breast;
Renumeration he did seek
For driving traffic all this week
To sites suspicious, farms of links
With broken english, clear hijinks;
We rhyme about it in MetaTalk,
But matthewchen must talk a walk.
posted by ook at 12:53 PM on April 3, 2006


Why not "we rhyme on it in MetaTalk..."? Your meter is otherwise excellent.
posted by cortex at 12:54 PM on April 3, 2006


Drat. You're totally right.

Line edit! Line edit! Where's my red pen?
posted by ook at 12:58 PM on April 3, 2006


If I post wanting to know how many Mefites live in Montana (using broken English), will y'all make up songs about me? Just asking - not that I would ever ever EVAH... never mind.
posted by bluesky43 at 1:18 PM on April 3, 2006


There once was a man from Megite
Who auto discovered the MeFites
He read every day
Then spammed us, but hey:
"I think Matthew Chen is all right."

And so for a time all was well
He posted a Project, 'twas swell
But then, as we feared,
His comments were weird:
"where is the quality control?"
posted by Galvatron at 1:34 PM on April 3, 2006


mathewchen you crazy motherfucker
the drugs dont work i can still see you
stumbling blind
couldnt have read the rules
cant read
cant see
link it link it drive the traffic
theyll all come and read
theyll all love you
you beautiful internet god
mathewchen

posted by Meatbomb at 1:37 PM on April 3, 2006


No, wait, forget that last couplet entirely. Instead:

so finally we cut him free
and googlebomb, with poetry.

I suck at first drafts.
posted by ook at 1:40 PM on April 3, 2006


Matthew was looking for data
To bringers of spam it would cater
Maybe he knew it was wrong
But he still liked the song
Goodbye, matthewspam, see you later.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 1:48 PM on April 3, 2006


I think Matt has to change the name of the site to MetaFitler immediately.
posted by crunchland at 1:58 PM on April 3, 2006


Matthew was looking for data
To bringers of spam it would cater


You did NOT just rhyme "data" with "cater."
posted by ereshkigal45 at 2:00 PM on April 3, 2006


With a Broklyn accent, it works perfectly.
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:04 PM on April 3, 2006


Another reminder of how much fun MeFi can be. I love you all*.

Someone had to bring balance to eyeballkid's force.

*offer not valid where prohibited by law

I think Matt has to change the name of the site to MetaFitler immediately. - crunchland

gosh, how many times have I made that typo?
posted by raedyn at 2:11 PM on April 3, 2006


Fredrick: Sir.
Clause: Mm?
Fredrick: Sir - I'm afraid I...
Clause: Don't just --
Fredrick: I have some rather grevious news to...
Clause: Grevious?
Fredrick: Yes sir.

Clause: Well. Do tell.
Fredrick: It is with regards to Matthew Chen. He has
Clause: Mm.
Fredrick: been -- dispatched.

Clause: No!
Fredrick: Oh yes.
Clause: No.
Fredrick: Oh, but yes.

Clause: Dark times are upon us Fredrick. Upon the seat which I am perched, I spit upon the earth! FIE! The sage advice of this man has saved me from numerous unenviable positions. My quality control - wherefore was it indeed? Ah, dearest Matthew. Your entry into our small hamlet was firey, and the emotional rallentando we lived through was bittersweet. Alas, I rend my hair and beat my breast at the departure of one so dear -- So precious to the inner-sactum of this desolate speck of land. This dark shadow shall not pass breifly. Indeed, I stare in the gaping void which is our collective soul -- now that we have lost so profound a presence as our dearest one. Our -- dearest one.

Now - fetch my hat. We shall feast on lamb.

fin
posted by icosahedral at 2:29 PM on April 3, 2006


That was so awesome, icosahedral.
posted by cortex at 2:41 PM on April 3, 2006


I think MeFi has found its muse. I hope you are reading this, MatthewChen... where ever you are.
posted by R. Mutt at 2:53 PM on April 3, 2006


so much depends
upon

a matthewchen
post

glazed with
confusion

within the blue
pages.
posted by bachelor#3 at 2:56 PM on April 3, 2006


His first language appears to be Spamish.

Ding!


Que est-ce que ca veux dire, ce "ding?" On dit en anglais "zing," non?
posted by scarabic at 4:05 PM on April 3, 2006


Their souls swooned slowly as they heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and matthewchen.
posted by johngumbo at 4:20 PM on April 3, 2006


Non. Quand on essaye à l'imitage le bruit d'une cloche, on dit "ding."

Je crois.
posted by dersins at 4:22 PM on April 3, 2006


Metafitler, meh; I always typo it as Meatfilter.
posted by ook at 4:33 PM on April 3, 2006


LOL

Is anyone else suddenly getting lots of spam at thier .Mac account?
posted by ParisParamus at 4:39 PM on April 3, 2006


No.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:40 PM on April 3, 2006


.Mac account? Ha ha!
posted by cortex at 4:52 PM on April 3, 2006


ook: "Metafitler, meh; I always typo it as Meatfilter."

Meat Lifter
posted by Plutor at 5:02 PM on April 3, 2006


matthewchen was like a cute puppy that's constantly pissing in your shoes.

And, where IS the quality control?
posted by snsranch at 5:05 PM on April 3, 2006


all the spam that you posted, Matthew
in the Blue yard
all disappeared when you went away
I know that living with you was always hard
but I'm not willing to give it another try
cause no one spams
no one spams like you
posted by Devils Slide at 5:18 PM on April 3, 2006


Of all the link collecting, flamewar fueling, drama queening, newsfilter plagued, self-Godwinizing, left-leaning "best of the web" community blog joints in all the world, you had to walk into mine.

Play it again, matthewchen...

:(
posted by Krrrlson at 5:26 PM on April 3, 2006


The sum of all matthewchen is, thou shalt love,
If any body, God above:
At any rate shall never labour
More than thyself to love thy neighbour spammer.
posted by antifreez_ at 5:33 PM on April 3, 2006


Chen, Matthew tried to spam a certain site
Himself. It struck him dead. And serves him right.
It was the business of that filthy man
To serve as purpose for the permaban.
posted by Krrrlson at 5:48 PM on April 3, 2006


dersins: Donc je suis.
posted by ?! at 5:48 PM on April 3, 2006


spam what thou wilt
shall be the whole of the law

mere matthewchen unleashed upon the world
posted by cortex at 5:49 PM on April 3, 2006


"Donc je suis."

donkey jesus?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:02 PM on April 3, 2006


donkey jesus?

Hmmmm . . . puts a disturbing new spin on this.
posted by brain_drain at 7:22 PM on April 3, 2006


Hail to thee, blithe spirit!
Troll thou never wert,
That from heaven, or near it,
Pourest thy full heart
In profuse spam of unsolicited art!
posted by gimonca at 7:28 PM on April 3, 2006


Matthew Chen wanted some gravy,
"Where is the quality control?" say he.
Though his Metaflirtation
Lead to bannation,
It sure took the pressure off Davy.

(OK, I suck. Next.)
posted by LarryC at 7:44 PM on April 3, 2006


Your mea culpa
Was oh so fake:
"in case the first timer
makes a mistake."


And then you laughed;
Your pants, you pissed 'em:
"Metafilter was auto discovered
by our system"


Try sucking up;
Your chance is fleeting:
"Since then, metafilter
is my daily reading."


Your MP3
Was bona fide.
Short but sweet:
"thanks cell divide."

"how about Tai Chi, Qigong,
can they heal illness?"

Try spam & eggs -
We've had our fill, yes?

So quickly gone,
Yet what shall be
Your epitaph;
Your legacy?

"boring" spake chen
And thus was banned
GODSPEED matthewchen
To megite-land.
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:56 PM on April 3, 2006


I don't think we've heard the last of him, or his ilk.

For wherever community bloggers go unspammed,
He'll be there.

Wherever a market remains unresearched,
He'll be there.

He'll be in the way we yell when we're mad
He'll be in the way kids laugh at a good ol' fashioned flameout

And when we reach fifty thousand posts in the blue
And an elephant lifts his leg to take a squirt,
He'll be there too.
posted by evilcolonel at 8:51 PM on April 3, 2006


matthew chen, we hardly knew ye.
Just a few messages, all of them screwy.
Alas, it's hard to be sympathetic,
as we deal out our justice poetic.
posted by crunchland at 9:05 PM on April 3, 2006


There once was a dude named matthewchen
Whose posts always made me laugh (true!). Then
His posts all got flagged;
His account--it was bagged;
All on account of the staff. Poo them!
posted by maxreax at 10:18 PM on April 3, 2006


My heart is a-breaking, dear Tittie,
Some counsel unto me come len';
To anger them a' is a pity,
But what will I do wi' matthewchen?


posted by fourcheesemac at 10:21 PM on April 3, 2006


This thread is GREAT. Matt, you should sidebar it.
posted by Malor at 10:47 PM on April 3, 2006


Camarilla? Blech...
posted by hototogisu at 11:05 PM on April 3, 2006


Ok, here's my farewell limerick, which I've naturally decided to ensconce in Chevy Tahoe commercial form.

I know it might be controversial, but as you can see I've also staked out my theological position on matthewchen.
posted by dgaicun at 11:15 PM on April 3, 2006


Here's a revised version of my matthewchen Tahoe limerick, now with clarified verse structure and proper Irish accent.
posted by dgaicun at 11:36 PM on April 3, 2006


In Memoriam matthewchen, after E J Thribb

So. Farewell
Then matthewchen,
Attempted spammer
And mangler of the
English language.
"where is the quality control?"
That was your catchphrase.
Well, now you know.
All together now -
"matthewchen is spamming
matthewchen is spamming
matthewchen is spamming
matthewchen is spamming

Metatalk!"
posted by featherboa at 3:56 AM on April 4, 2006


Matthewchen was seventeen
Working on a site
When dershins
Peered upon his console
Asked where is the quality control?
Sometimes these guys
Forget the site they’re posting from
When the site they spam upon
Well, you know
That site as I do
And how in the content of the spam
It can return you the site
That you are posting from

CHORUS:
It’s always better on Projects
So much better on Projects
That’s why it’s evil from deads
To make the money
posted by eddydamascene at 9:25 AM on April 4, 2006


I'm just a self-link
I'm just a spam away from you
posted by cortex at 9:28 AM on April 4, 2006


And matthewchen
the spam you take
is equal to the spam

you make
posted by ludwig_van at 10:54 AM on April 4, 2006


matthewchen was an excellent sinner
but as a pilot, only a beginner
he dived and he died
and knew just where he'd arrived
with the flaming sign: 'you may already be a winner'


After much tormented deliberation (and reinstatement of the blinktag), I've reversed theological course.
posted by dgaicun at 10:33 AM on April 14, 2006


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