AskMe Follo Up September 10, 2007 8:34 PM Subscribe
Here's a follow up to my first ever AskMe post from over a year ago.
With Christmas steadily approaching us, I was again contemplating the nature of buying my beloved a present that would in all probability be purchased with a portion of the funds that she has earned. So I turned once more to Ask Metafilter, and revisited my first question from over a year ago that explicitly dealt with this subject matter.
Back then, the thread was useful but I didn't reach a conclusion. But today, and I don't know why, for some reason re-reading the questions there helped me come to my own 'best answer', if you will.
Maybe it's just because I'm in a better state of mind today then I was back then. Maybe it's because I've matured more and feel more comfortable in my relationship. Or maybe it's just because everyone in that thread essentially contributed (and deserves) a best answer. Maybe it's a combination of these things, or something else entirely. But what is certain is that AskMe has helped me reach a conclusion.
And here it is.
Basically I've realised that in a committed long term relationship such as ours, it dosen't (or at least shouldn't) matter what proportion of whose money bought a gift for one of us. What matters is the act of giving that present. This is probably especially true at times of the year other than Christmas or someone's birthday. For instance, my lady may buy me a present tomorrow, right out of the blue. If she did, it won't matter to me that some of the present she just gave me was probably bought with a proportion of the money that I earned. What would matter is that she bought me something because she cares for and loves me. That's what's ultimately important. To try and make the situation of giving your beloved a gift any more complex than that tarnishes what is at its core a beautiful, simple act.
I said earlier that every answer in that thread probably deserves a best answer, but previous MetaTalk threads have been spawned on account of certain users frowning on such practices. So if I may pick but two, LoriFLA and mikel's answers came closest to expressing what I now think. I have just awarded them both a best answer for their efforts. So thanks everyone!
PS: I would have posted this in the thread itself if I could have, but given it's closed MetaTalk will just have to do.
With Christmas steadily approaching us, I was again contemplating the nature of buying my beloved a present that would in all probability be purchased with a portion of the funds that she has earned. So I turned once more to Ask Metafilter, and revisited my first question from over a year ago that explicitly dealt with this subject matter.
Back then, the thread was useful but I didn't reach a conclusion. But today, and I don't know why, for some reason re-reading the questions there helped me come to my own 'best answer', if you will.
Maybe it's just because I'm in a better state of mind today then I was back then. Maybe it's because I've matured more and feel more comfortable in my relationship. Or maybe it's just because everyone in that thread essentially contributed (and deserves) a best answer. Maybe it's a combination of these things, or something else entirely. But what is certain is that AskMe has helped me reach a conclusion.
And here it is.
Basically I've realised that in a committed long term relationship such as ours, it dosen't (or at least shouldn't) matter what proportion of whose money bought a gift for one of us. What matters is the act of giving that present. This is probably especially true at times of the year other than Christmas or someone's birthday. For instance, my lady may buy me a present tomorrow, right out of the blue. If she did, it won't matter to me that some of the present she just gave me was probably bought with a proportion of the money that I earned. What would matter is that she bought me something because she cares for and loves me. That's what's ultimately important. To try and make the situation of giving your beloved a gift any more complex than that tarnishes what is at its core a beautiful, simple act.
I said earlier that every answer in that thread probably deserves a best answer, but previous MetaTalk threads have been spawned on account of certain users frowning on such practices. So if I may pick but two, LoriFLA and mikel's answers came closest to expressing what I now think. I have just awarded them both a best answer for their efforts. So thanks everyone!
PS: I would have posted this in the thread itself if I could have, but given it's closed MetaTalk will just have to do.
I'm not sure that comprehension of a common aphorism ("it's the thought that counts") warrants a MetaTalk post.
posted by polyhedron at 9:24 PM on September 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by polyhedron at 9:24 PM on September 10, 2007 [2 favorites]
It's a Christmas miracle!
posted by breezeway at 9:27 PM on September 10, 2007 [4 favorites]
posted by breezeway at 9:27 PM on September 10, 2007 [4 favorites]
God bless us every one!
posted by Dave Faris at 9:29 PM on September 10, 2007
posted by Dave Faris at 9:29 PM on September 10, 2007
Sooner or later, we all sit at a desk in Special Class.
posted by paulsc at 9:35 PM on September 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by paulsc at 9:35 PM on September 10, 2007 [1 favorite]
You got it all wrong. Do what I did. Start taking money out of the account. When asked, first deny it, then 'accept' that you have a meth problem. You have to make her really believe you have a meth problem, stop showering, quit your job, lose some teeth, do some meth in the house.
When you have squirreled away enough money to buy the ring, go get it and surprise her.
The look in her eyes will be worth all the effort, look here for examples.
posted by Dataphage at 9:37 PM on September 10, 2007 [7 favorites]
When you have squirreled away enough money to buy the ring, go get it and surprise her.
The look in her eyes will be worth all the effort, look here for examples.
posted by Dataphage at 9:37 PM on September 10, 2007 [7 favorites]
Congratulations, people, you get a gold star for being cynical! It's redeemable for a casketful of regrets.
I know couples who've wrestled mightily with issues of sharing finances. I'm glad that you've worked things out, Second Account.
posted by Kattullus at 10:03 PM on September 10, 2007
I know couples who've wrestled mightily with issues of sharing finances. I'm glad that you've worked things out, Second Account.
posted by Kattullus at 10:03 PM on September 10, 2007
Dunno if [this is good] but it's better than asking about deleted comments, so there's that. Good on ya, Second Account for Making Jokey Comments.
posted by cgc373 at 11:46 PM on September 10, 2007
posted by cgc373 at 11:46 PM on September 10, 2007
Basically I've realised that in a committed long term relationship such as ours, it dosen't (or at least shouldn't) matter what proportion of whose money bought a gift for one of us. What matters is the act of giving that present.
Maybe it shouldn't matter, but obviously it does, to you anyway; why else the post and 'follow up'?
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 5:13 AM on September 11, 2007
Maybe it shouldn't matter, but obviously it does, to you anyway; why else the post and 'follow up'?
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 5:13 AM on September 11, 2007
Bozo, I think it mattered in the past, but no longer matters to SAFMJC. While MeTa may not be precisely the place for personal epiphanies, this is still actually quite nice to hear.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:35 AM on September 11, 2007
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 5:35 AM on September 11, 2007
~a Christmas tale by Steve Martin~
Carolyn wanted so much to give Roger something nice for Christmas, but they didn't have much money, and they had to spend every last cent on cancy for the baby. She walked down the icy streets and peered into shop windows.
"Roger is so proud of his shinbones. If only I could find some way to get money to buy shinbone polish."
Just then, a sign caught her eye. "Cuticles bought and sold." Many people had told Carolyn of her beautiful cuticles, and Roger was especially proud of them, but she thought, "This is the way I could buy Roger the shinbone polish!" And she rushed into the store.
Later at home, she waited anxiously as Roger came up the steps of their flat. He opened the door and wobbled over to the fireplace, suspiciously holding one arm behind his back.
"Merry Christmas!" they both said, almost simultaneously.
Roger spoke. "Hey, Nutsy, I got you a little something for Christmas."
"Me too," said Carolyn, and they exchanged packages.
Carolyn hurriedly opened her package staring in disbelief. "Cuticle Frames?! But Roger, I sold my cuticles so I could afford to buy you some shinbone polish!"
"Shinbone polish!" said Roger, "I sold my shinbones to buy you the cuticle frames!" Roger wobbled over to her.
"Well, I'll be hog-tied," said Carolyn.
"You will? Oh, boy!" said Roger.
And it turned out to be a great Christmas after all.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:44 AM on September 11, 2007
Carolyn wanted so much to give Roger something nice for Christmas, but they didn't have much money, and they had to spend every last cent on cancy for the baby. She walked down the icy streets and peered into shop windows.
"Roger is so proud of his shinbones. If only I could find some way to get money to buy shinbone polish."
Just then, a sign caught her eye. "Cuticles bought and sold." Many people had told Carolyn of her beautiful cuticles, and Roger was especially proud of them, but she thought, "This is the way I could buy Roger the shinbone polish!" And she rushed into the store.
Later at home, she waited anxiously as Roger came up the steps of their flat. He opened the door and wobbled over to the fireplace, suspiciously holding one arm behind his back.
"Merry Christmas!" they both said, almost simultaneously.
Roger spoke. "Hey, Nutsy, I got you a little something for Christmas."
"Me too," said Carolyn, and they exchanged packages.
Carolyn hurriedly opened her package staring in disbelief. "Cuticle Frames?! But Roger, I sold my cuticles so I could afford to buy you some shinbone polish!"
"Shinbone polish!" said Roger, "I sold my shinbones to buy you the cuticle frames!" Roger wobbled over to her.
"Well, I'll be hog-tied," said Carolyn.
"You will? Oh, boy!" said Roger.
And it turned out to be a great Christmas after all.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:44 AM on September 11, 2007
Either names are surprisingly powerful, or I'm just unsympathetic and heartless, but I can't work up much caring about the personal issues of someone called "Second Account For Making Jokey Comments." Interesting.
posted by Wolfdog at 7:24 AM on September 11, 2007 [2 favorites]
posted by Wolfdog at 7:24 AM on September 11, 2007 [2 favorites]
I agree with Wolfdog. This sock puppet in fact is not just making jokey comments but is instead being used to either distance the poster's personal life from their real identity or to evade AskMe time limits. Either way, it just doesn't seem quite kosher and this is just flaunting that fact.
posted by Rhomboid at 8:16 AM on September 11, 2007
posted by Rhomboid at 8:16 AM on September 11, 2007
Giving is over rated, anybody with a wallet can give. Finding a truly thoughtful gift for that particular person is where the hard work comes in.
posted by doctor_negative at 8:20 AM on September 11, 2007
posted by doctor_negative at 8:20 AM on September 11, 2007
Finding a truly thoughtful gift for that particular person is where the hard work comes in.
That's why I give gift cards. It's like money only with a little thought involved!
posted by Floydd at 8:59 AM on September 11, 2007
That's why I give gift cards. It's like money only with a little thought involved!
posted by Floydd at 8:59 AM on September 11, 2007
Like Seinfeld said: A gift certificate is really an I Don't Give A Damn certificate.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:36 AM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:36 AM on September 11, 2007 [1 favorite]
This is like something off of Dr. Phil, but hey, if it's working for you, um, good?
posted by misha at 11:42 AM on September 11, 2007
posted by misha at 11:42 AM on September 11, 2007
it's better than asking about deleted comments
Yes. More of this, less of the bitching and moaning.
posted by danb at 12:41 PM on September 11, 2007
Yes. More of this, less of the bitching and moaning.
posted by danb at 12:41 PM on September 11, 2007
Does this mean you're buying me a present for Christmas?
posted by davejay at 5:12 PM on September 11, 2007
posted by davejay at 5:12 PM on September 11, 2007
This sort of thing is why I bought a nicer engagement ring than I otherwise would have for my fiancee (now wife) before we commingled our finances.
But then I realized that I was just bringing less money into the marriage, and that it's really the same as buying with commingled monies.
I suppose you could get around this with a pre-nup.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:28 PM on September 11, 2007
But then I realized that I was just bringing less money into the marriage, and that it's really the same as buying with commingled monies.
I suppose you could get around this with a pre-nup.
posted by BrotherCaine at 6:28 PM on September 11, 2007
What matters is the act of giving that present.
No, really? Well fuck me sideways, I thought giving was all about how much you spent out of obligation. Twat.
posted by dg at 7:06 PM on September 11, 2007
No, really? Well fuck me sideways, I thought giving was all about how much you spent out of obligation. Twat.
posted by dg at 7:06 PM on September 11, 2007
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posted by Second Account For Making Jokey Comments
Uh huh.
posted by dersins at 8:54 PM on September 10, 2007 [2 favorites]