It's not you, it's me.

May 15, 2008 3:27 PM

Oh, and ummmmm.... I may be reading this wrong, but didn't you already admit to looking at porn and get called out BY your wife?

That comment comes from this ask.MeFi thread.

posted by furtive to MetaFilter-Related at 3:27 PM (188 comments total)

I noticed how the topic of this post relates to the meaning of your username in a funny way.
posted by Meatbomb at 3:31 PM on May 15, 2008 [19 favorites]

That thread is about to become a trainwreck.
posted by mr_roboto at 3:35 PM on May 15, 2008

So I'm thinking you don't really have a callout here, and that you just posted this to draw attention to a potentially epic trainwreck in the making, right?

As much as I enjoy an epic trainwreck (fr0zen and xteraco, I'm looking at you...), that's just kind of icky.
posted by dersins at 3:36 PM on May 15, 2008

That really was quite the interesting thread, once that link was established. I hadn't read the original post or callout.
posted by tomble at 3:36 PM on May 15, 2008

Agreed. Glad somebody posted here. Hope one of the Admins can close it soon.

What a dumb ass.
posted by B(oYo)BIES at 3:37 PM on May 15, 2008

Holy shit.
posted by puke & cry at 3:39 PM on May 15, 2008

Yeah, that thread is definitely well on its way to disaster.
I vote that it be closed before ... well ... before it devolves further.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 3:39 PM on May 15, 2008

I feel.. sticky. This is awful.
posted by Ugh at 3:40 PM on May 15, 2008

Has anyone written his username at gmail, yet?
posted by mr_roboto at 3:40 PM on May 15, 2008

Wow. This is -- wow. Ouch.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:41 PM on May 15, 2008

I agree with this comment that he seems to be using AskMe in hopes of his wife finding the thread.

Back-fired! - Badly at that. Now I just hope she finds this thread too.

If you do (and by the powers of MeMail, you will), DTMF!!
posted by B(oYo)BIES at 3:42 PM on May 15, 2008

Puke - and you told me you thought relationship threads were boring!
posted by goshling at 3:48 PM on May 15, 2008

I'm just baffled that his wife is a) okay with making their problems semi-public, but b) not okay with her husband wanking to cute naked asian girls. I mean, they are supposedly cute, right? Perhaps if he was flogging the bishop to "2girls1cup 2: AsianSensation", I could see more of a problem.
posted by pedmands at 3:50 PM on May 15, 2008

FWIW, if that's really what's going on, the wife is at least as skeevy as the husband IMO.

Hell, maybe it's her that downloaded the Asian porn (Why does it even matter that it's Asian?) and is accusing him in order to tilt the divorce in her favour.
posted by Sys Rq at 3:51 PM on May 15, 2008

pornnocence, not to be confused with pornosense, or pornoscent for that matter.
posted by furtive at 3:51 PM on May 15, 2008

Though his wife did say "These porn sights were the lowest there are of porn." That's all for now, until something else exciting happens.
posted by pedmands at 3:58 PM on May 15, 2008

Also not to be confused with pornascent, which is a new addiction.
posted by cashman at 3:59 PM on May 15, 2008

This whole thing is weird. I've left a note in the askme—people need to lay off the jokey and the catty in there—but it'd also be nice if, weird as this is, people could refrain from hanging either mrleec or his wife in effigy based on what is at this point almost certainly a pretty fractured view into their lives.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:59 PM on May 15, 2008 [4 favorites]

Sometimes I comment because though I don't have anything to say, I want to watch the ongoing drama of a MeTa from my recent activity page.
posted by klangklangston at 3:59 PM on May 15, 2008 [3 favorites]

You got me gosh, this is anything but boring.
posted by puke & cry at 4:02 PM on May 15, 2008

I had a weird feeling about that question from the beginning.
posted by grouse at 4:02 PM on May 15, 2008

Considering the OP in that thread's history of having a version of the truth that is quite distant from his wife's ("5 minutes of browsing dating sites" vs "multiple profiles on multiple sites" for a start) I'm not sure I'd be so quick to assume the problem is that the missus just don't like porn.

I'm pretty sure the problem is that the husband is a sex addict in denial, with all of the attendant compulsive lying, revisionist history and secretive behaviours. In this case, we have the lovely bonus round of "spousal manipulation via MeFi" which is always nice.

In short: DTMF.
posted by DarlingBri at 4:06 PM on May 15, 2008 [4 favorites]

I agree with cortex. I second stopping the hate and believe we should exercise restraint when it comes to jumping to irrational conclusions- but god dammit if it ain't a fun one to gossip about.
posted by pedmands at 4:08 PM on May 15, 2008

klang: I never do that myself. oh wait--
posted by salvia at 4:20 PM on May 15, 2008

So I'm thinking you don't really have a callout here

I'll call something out. When more than one person start using an account, that's not cool. Especially when that account posts to AskMe, then you don't know who's using the account, which makes it harder to answer the question. Especially when the two people using the same account ask/answer questions about each other.
posted by 23skidoo at 4:20 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

I agree with this comment that he seems to be using AskMe in hopes of his wife finding the thread.

No.

His wife is not about to be taken in by any of his tricks. The comment from her linked by rooftop secrets makes that clear.

I think he is trying to establish an alibi to deflect a lot more serious threat than divorce, alimony payments, and child support. Remember how she said the porn was lowest of the low? I think he's worried about being prosecuted for child pornography or the like.
posted by jamjam at 4:23 PM on May 15, 2008

I really enjoy most of AskMeFi, and I've often read the titters about Yahoo! Answers on MeTa (i.e. "babby is forming?"). About an hour earlier, I wandered into Yahoo! Answers, and somehow started their pregnancy/child-rearing sub-section, and, holy hell, you people weren't kidding. I wanted to laugh and cry all at once at the frightening questions about sex, conception, and abortion being... er, "discussed."

So, after about thirty minutes of that, I wandered back to MeFi in a Yahoo!Answers-induced stupor, looking to feel better about online question/answer communities, looking to have MeFi soothe my brain which just spent far too long incredulously reading Y!Answers ... and *this* is the first thread I read. Eeeeeeeeeeps! the drama!

I need a hug.
posted by NikitaNikita at 4:23 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Everyone needs a hug.
posted by grouse at 4:24 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

jamjam: " Remember how she said the porn was lowest of the low? I think he's worried about being prosecuted for child pornography or the like."

Now that's an imagination. If this ends up being true, wow..
posted by pedmands at 4:26 PM on May 15, 2008

Is it okay to hug everyone in effigy?
posted by Sys Rq at 4:26 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

Wow, the last time I called out someone on his lying bullshit in an askme it didn't lead to MeTa. It led to someone deleting my comment instead.

Urge to call out again... rising
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 4:34 PM on May 15, 2008

Okay, I definitely went outside the guidelines in my answers, and I feel badly for that. Why wasn't my comment about him being dull-witted removed? It wasn't even slightly helpful.
posted by chudmonkey at 4:34 PM on May 15, 2008

What is everyone doing inside effigy?

*hugs* NikitaNikita
posted by goshling at 4:35 PM on May 15, 2008

I think he's worried about being prosecuted for child pornography or the like.

That's a pretty warrant-less claim. The wife's definition of "lowest of the low" may not equate to yours, so until definitions are straight I'd hold off on the accusations. He's an idiot, but that doesn't mean he's a pedophile.
posted by lilac girl at 4:44 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

He's an idiot, but that doesn't mean he's a pedophile.

As someone who just took a ride in an elevator without remembering to choose a floor, I am very relieved to hear this.
posted by mullacc at 4:51 PM on May 15, 2008 [65 favorites]

I might make an exception for that. Why else would you do that except to trawl for young children??
posted by lilac girl at 4:58 PM on May 15, 2008

Take these baseless pedophilia claims and stuff them somewhere. Maybe jamjam is so sensitive about this issue because he is a pedophile? What are your crimes, jamjam?

This is really not at all cool to do.
posted by Meatbomb at 4:59 PM on May 15, 2008 [3 favorites]

I hate it when I get in the elevator and hit the button for the floor I'm already on. This is even worse if there is a witness to my idiocy.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 4:59 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

That's a pretty warrant-less claim. The wife's definition of "lowest of the low" may not equate to yours, so until definitions are straight I'd hold off on the accusations. He's an idiot, but that doesn't mean he's a pedophile.

A fair point, lilac girl.

Mods?
posted by jamjam at 5:00 PM on May 15, 2008

Yeah, this guy doesn't deserve a pedophile label. However, he is not that bright, and I called him out because more lies are the last thing his relationship needs now. He needs to confront his own issues.
posted by rooftop secrets at 5:01 PM on May 15, 2008

You know, threads like this lead me to reflect on the fact that the vast, vast majority of Metafilter members are comparatively sane and balanced.
posted by googly at 5:04 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Just because you can hand someone their ass in Metatalk doesn't mean you should. As bad as the Askme question maybe, your shitty "look at this trainwreck" post is worse.

Next time email an admin and move on.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:05 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

man, that thread should be deleted pronto. these two have enough issues and this being found by her is going to make the whole "trust issue" even worse. I bet he wished there was a delete button around now.

alas, their marriage does sound beyond repair and we might just come along and enjoy the ride...
posted by krautland at 5:09 PM on May 15, 2008

"I hate it when I get in the elevator and hit the button for the floor I'm already on. This is even worse if there is a witness to my idiocy."

Often, without thinking about it, I hit the wrong floor button and have to pretend that someone else did that but that their correct floor was right before everyone else got in. I don't think this fools anyone, but I also refuse to acknowledge farting in the elevator, so perhaps I'm just a bad person.
posted by klangklangston at 5:10 PM on May 15, 2008

You drink and drive your car


and your boat.



BWAHAollol
posted by fire&wings at 5:15 PM on May 15, 2008

I'm rather annoyed by the fact that we still don't know the actual scenario we're being asked to consider, fictitious or not.

His wife has found his username on a porn site. How does this even make sense?

Are there porn sites with comments, or something? As in, there's the porn at the top and people posting "that's some good porn right there" in a comment-thread type situation at the bottom?
posted by AmbroseChapel at 5:17 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Yeah, if we could drop the nastier speculations, that would be great.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:22 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think he is trying to establish an alibi ... he's worried about being prosecuted for child pornography or the like.

How does AskMe let one establish an alibi, and how does such an alibi help with child pornography charges? Just wondering.
posted by Krrrlson at 5:25 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

The dude seems to have a problem leaving the "Remember Me" checkbox enabled or has IE or FF remember his site passwords for him. Thus the AskMe comment. Which, if you're trying to hide your porn habit is like leaving the tape in the VCR, paused, and just turning off the set.
posted by krippledkonscious at 5:25 PM on May 15, 2008

"What is everyone doing inside effigy?"
posted by goshling at 10:35 AM on May 16

That's what I'd like to know!
posted by Effigy2000 at 5:26 PM on May 15, 2008

AmbroseChapel: There are porn clones of youtube. So, in short, yes there are.
posted by CKmtl at 5:28 PM on May 15, 2008

His wife has found his username on a porn site. How does this even make sense?

Are there porn sites with comments, or something? As in, there's the porn at the top and people posting "that's some good porn right there" in a comment-thread type situation at the bottom?

I was wondering the same thing. The only conclusion I was able to come to was that someone was using it as a screen name to log into the sites. I imagined his wife sitting there with a list of porn sites and dating sites, trying his usual screen name and password to see how many sites she was able to find him on.

However, with that theory, I was unable to resolve one issue: do porn sites have a user homepage with some sort of list of recently viewed porn? He already knows that she is aware of his past porn viewing. If he was caught with a working login for these sites and wanted to lie his way out of it, why didn't he just say they were his from the past rather than blaming on some stranger using the same name?
posted by necessitas at 5:32 PM on May 15, 2008

AmbroseChapel: "I'm rather annoyed by the fact that we still don't know the actual scenario we're being asked to consider, fictitious or not.

His wife has found his username on a porn site. How does this even make sense?

Are there porn sites with comments, or something? As in, there's the porn at the top and people posting "that's some good porn right there" in a comment-thread type situation at the bottom?"

Indeed, there are vast amounts of message boards geared towards pornography.
posted by pedmands at 5:33 PM on May 15, 2008

I sympathise, my partner just caught me playing world of warcraft.
posted by sgt.serenity at 5:35 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

If he was caught with a working login for these sites and wanted to lie his way out of it, why didn't he just say they were his from the past rather than blaming on some stranger using the same name?

Could be a matter of "account created on:..." or "membership expires/renews on:...", with a recent date, in the account info section.

do porn sites have a user homepage with some sort of list of recently viewed porn?

Some of the youtube clones have a favourites function. If a selection is in the user's favourites, and it was uploaded recently to the site, then the account has been in use recently. But the post says it's specifically an Asian site, so that deduction based on catch-all Porn 2.0 functionality probably isn't the case.
posted by CKmtl at 5:55 PM on May 15, 2008

Wow, Yahoo! Answers is great. I'd looked over it a few times, mocked it quietly to myself, and moved on. But I just went in and had a proper look around... absolute goldmine.

I have a new hobby.
posted by flashboy at 5:57 PM on May 15, 2008

@NikitaNikita: You're right. Clearly AskMe is turning into Y! Answers. Le sigh.
posted by sararah at 6:00 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

""What is everyone doing inside effigy?"
posted by goshling at 10:35 AM on May 16

That's what I'd like to know!
posted by Effigy2000"

A couple more and we'll be Effigy2008, and we're all big fans of synchronicity.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:00 PM on May 15, 2008

Oh, shit. I can't believe I fell for that and answered, you know, earnestly and honestly. Jesus Christ on crutches and a pogo stick.
posted by brina at 6:04 PM on May 15, 2008

Did anyone else find it bizarre that he specified "Asian" porn, like some other porn wouldn't be as bad or something? Like the wife found it and went, "Porn is one thing, mrleec, but I will NOT stand for ASIAN PORN!"
posted by rooftop secrets at 6:06 PM on May 15, 2008 [3 favorites]

sgt. serenity: I sympathise, my partner just caught me playing world of warcraft.

Ouch! No wonder you've been banished to Rhode Island.
posted by Kattullus at 6:08 PM on May 15, 2008

I never really got into Asian porn, for some reason.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 6:14 PM on May 15, 2008

Me bathing with my SO is some other man's ASIAN PORN! Sweet! No, wait... that's creepy. Hot creepy.
posted by krippledkonscious at 6:22 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

necessitas: If he was caught with a working login for these sites and wanted to lie his way out of it, why didn't he just say they were his from the past rather than blaming on some stranger using the same name?

My guess is because he's as addicted to the drama as he is to the nightly bottle of wine.
posted by headnsouth at 6:37 PM on May 15, 2008

That was my question as well about the name. Does the wife look in the browser history, click, and see "Welcome back to Asian Teen Sluts, Lee C."

And I don't think I'd describe kiddie porn as "lowest of the low" to a spouse; more like "that's disgusting and criminal, you slimeball; I'm calling the cops. Now." "Lowest of the low" sounds like something cheap and/or sleazy; the stuff with kids is worse, if that makes sense.

Also, got to wonder why the OP hasn't chimed in with more details.
posted by pointystick at 6:37 PM on May 15, 2008

Just because you can hand someone their ass in Metatalk doesn't mean you should. As bad as the Askme question maybe, your shitty "look at this trainwreck" post is worse.

I disagree. MetaTalk is a way of bringing interesting situations to everyone's attention. I wouldn't have noticed this situation unless it had been posted here, so I am glad it was, because it's interesting.

Most members don't read MetaTalk anyway.
posted by jayder at 6:39 PM on May 15, 2008

23skidoo: "... Especially when the two people using the same account ask/answer questions about each other."

Actually, I can see this as an interesting use of AskMe for those times when you aren't speaking to your partner. Currently we use SMS for this, but AskMe would be cheaper ;-)
posted by dg at 6:42 PM on May 15, 2008

Wasn't there a previous Metafilter member (who, bizarrely, styled himself as some crusader against exploitation of children, IIRC) who ended up going to prison for some child-porn related offense?
posted by jayder at 6:43 PM on May 15, 2008

DTMF? Dial Tone Multi Frequency?
posted by chimaera at 6:44 PM on May 15, 2008

Oh my gosh, sararah: you're right about this post. I think I read the same one earlier on Yahoo... oh yeah I think I might have... and those weren't even the ones I did actually see 3 hrs ago. those questions are just that popular.

Maybe I brought some of them over when I switched back to reading AskMe?

*checks underside of shoe*
posted by NikitaNikita at 6:49 PM on May 15, 2008

Dark Times (@) Meta Filter?
posted by Dizzy at 6:52 PM on May 15, 2008

jayder: yeah, that guy was creepy. Especially when you read his posts in the Mr. Rogers obituary thread after knowing what happened.
posted by Justinian at 6:53 PM on May 15, 2008

MetaTalk is a way of bringing interesting situations to everyone's attention.

Some things don't need to brought to everyone's attention.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:57 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

, said Eeyore before sighing out the candles on his cake.
posted by furtive at 7:05 PM on May 15, 2008 [6 favorites]

krippledkonscious: but what if it's ASIAN PRIDE PORN
posted by rmd1023 at 7:16 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Wasn't there a previous Metafilter member (who, bizarrely, styled himself as some crusader against exploitation of children, IIRC) who ended up going to prison for some child-porn related offense?

Are you thinking of wdpeck? Although it wasn't child porn, it was actual sexual abuse. He's currently serving 30 years btw.
posted by puke & cry at 7:27 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

Wasn't there a previous Metafilter member (who, bizarrely, styled himself as some crusader against exploitation of children, IIRC) who ended up going to prison for some child-porn related offense?

Yes, you're right. I mistakenly recalled him as a crusader against the exploitation of children, but I realize he was just vigorously protesting against the view that nudism has any connection with sexualization of children.
posted by jayder at 7:33 PM on May 15, 2008

I came to metatalk for the hug, but stayed for the Asian porn and the bottle of wine a night.

But I would really, really like to know the whole story here.
posted by These Premises Are Alarmed at 7:45 PM on May 15, 2008

Can I be next in line to have the horde trawl through my posting and internet history, scrutinizing minute details of my personal life without context and providing uninformed, unsolicited speculation and advice about my competency as a lover and the stability of my relationships?
posted by anifinder at 7:56 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

Most of all I'm personally pretty devastated that a consensus finds a bottle of wine a night 'excessive'. Silly Americans.
posted by dawson at 8:01 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

What size bottle? Because I'd have to drink about a liter of that shit just to get a buzz off it.
posted by puke & cry at 8:21 PM on May 15, 2008

While boating!? At night!?
posted by ND¢ at 8:28 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]

Stop the entire-bottle-of-wine-drinking-while-night-boating-and-looking-at-(and-possibly-commenting-on)-Asian-porn-madness people!
posted by ND¢ at 8:30 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

rmd1023: "krippledkonscious: but what if it's ASIAN PRIDE PORN"

Empowering! And not only is hot mustard sexy, I'll bet it removes leg hair. I wouldn't apply it anywhere north of there, though.

So now I'm wondering if I can AskMe this: What kind of porn ruined your relationship? Was your girlfriend/spouse particularly aggrieved by the type of porn it was? Why or why not? And what kind of wine goes with what kind of porn?
posted by krippledkonscious at 8:32 PM on May 15, 2008

Sometimes it feels like people have decided to use askme as yet another person to drag into drama they have no interest in solving or as a springboard for experiments in fiction.
posted by drezdn at 8:37 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

I came here to say I don't read MetaTalk.
posted by turgid dahlia at 8:48 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

... what kind of wine goes with what kind of porn?
White wine goes with white meat ...
posted by dg at 8:56 PM on May 15, 2008

That AskMe is one of the times I feel stupid for answering like Joe Friday. Yeah, it is the way it is supposed to be on the green but gah.

I feel icky.
posted by jamaro at 8:58 PM on May 15, 2008

Can I be next in line to have the horde trawl through my posting and internet history, scrutinizing minute details of my personal life without context and providing uninformed, unsolicited speculation and advice about my competency as a lover and the stability of my relationships?

I imagined this happening to me, and at first I thought, damn, I'd have to leave MeFi and never come back, but then I realized I had nothing to worry about since trawling through my posting history will just put you all to sleep. Though if you dream, you'll dream pleasantly of me.
posted by orange swan at 9:04 PM on May 15, 2008

But this is a revolting incident. I'm almost inclined to say that the guy's account should be closed.
posted by orange swan at 9:05 PM on May 15, 2008

I think that someone fancies themselves a playwright. Well, color me unconvinced. I think the whole "the call was coming from inside the house!!!1!" comment by the wife in the old AskMe, combined with the big 'ole herring of this one...well, I think someone's gaming MeFi for drama. Not the first, not the last, not very interesting. I think it should be flagged, deleted and we can all move on. Cause while we all love the omgbloodhoundgang moments of heady conjecture and thrilling developments, this is just a really badly scripted soap from start to finish. Even if these people are real, christ are they assholes.
posted by SassHat at 9:08 PM on May 15, 2008 [4 favorites]

Blech.

I've never seen as pure an example of relationship trainwreck tourism as this metatalk thread and the comments in the accompanying ask posts.

drezdn, you're right I guess. But we at metafilter are a very willing 'person' to be dragged into the drama.

Even if it's wise for these people to dissolve their relationship I hope they find a dignified way to do that. And that means outside of metafilter.
posted by jouke at 9:14 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

yeah, I thought this was performance art too....that would make me feel better...its a sad story and I am sorry I was here to share in it.

Mods, I think deleting these threads is the internet equivalent of the police putting a sheet on a car accident victim. We don't know them, but they are entitled to basic human dignity..
posted by Deep Dish at 9:20 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm with Jouke, that AskMe is a trainwreck. As is this thread -- I think it's disgusting that the OP put this up on MeTa for everybody to come have a look. And the comments linking the man to pedophilia are wrong and inexcusable.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 9:30 PM on May 15, 2008

Suggestions and accusations of pedophilia? It's the new witch-burning, and I think people that use MetaFilter to do it deserve at least a timeout from this website.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:46 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

AmbroseChapel wrote...

I'm rather annoyed by the fact that we still don't know the actual scenario we're being asked to consider, fictitious or not.

His wife has found his username on a porn site. How does this even make sense?

I read it as someone registering at porn sites using his Yahoo email address. She has access to his Yahoo mail and so sees the registration confirmation mail.
posted by tkolar at 9:49 PM on May 15, 2008

I've never seen as pure an example of relationship trainwreck tourism as this metatalk thread and the comments in the accompanying ask posts.

Relationship trainwreck tourism is my new favorite expression!
posted by necessitas at 10:05 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

Is it possible this whole thing is a scam? Just putting it out there, because if so, this is fantastic performance art and totally worth my five bucks. Well played, whoever you are.
posted by Happydaz at 10:09 PM on May 15, 2008

s it possible this whole thing is a scam? Just putting it out there, because if so, this is fantastic performance art and totally worth my five bucks. Well played, whoever you are.

I wondered that myself. If the OP was a one-hit-wonder, I'd be inclined to believe it was a scam but this is pretty odd behavior from someone who has been around for a while, participating in lots of drama-free threads.
posted by necessitas at 10:16 PM on May 15, 2008

I think the whole "the call was coming from inside the house!!!1!" comment by the wife in the old AskMe ...

Damn, that is a hilarious way of putting it. I don't get belly-laughs from Metafilter that often, but you gave me one. Thanks.
posted by jayder at 10:17 PM on May 15, 2008

I read it as someone registering at porn sites using his Yahoo email address. She has access to his Yahoo mail and so sees the registration confirmation mail.

It's either that or browser history + saved passwords. That would explain the metafilter access. Anything else would be pretty unbelievable.

Is it possible this whole thing is a scam? Just putting it out there, because if so, this is fantastic performance art and totally worth my five bucks. Well played, whoever you are.

I think about this whenever we have some outrageous askmetafilter saga like this. Basically, I'm up in the air about it. It always seems like a stunt but then I realize just how fucked up people are in real life and I'm undecided.
posted by puke & cry at 10:41 PM on May 15, 2008

oh, let us enjoy our train wreck. this guy is clearly a louse and not a very smart one. his wife come across as at her wits end and it seems like this has been going on for a long time. his relationship drama become public a long time ago, i have no guilt for watching it. When you marry someone, and (from the sounds of it) have children, you have an increased responsibility to be a stable, well adjusted human being. His insistence that he hasn't done anything, despite pretty strong testimony to the contrary.. well. Let's just say he's not getting sympathy from me.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 11:17 PM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

I imagined this happening to me, and at first I thought, damn, I'd have to leave MeFi and never come back, but then I realized I had nothing to worry about since trawling through my posting history will just put you all to sleep. Though if you dream, you'll dream pleasantly of me.
posted by orange swan at 4:04 PM on May 16 [+] [!]

I'd just like to remind people at this point that orange swan recycles her own jokes.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:57 PM on May 15, 2008

Is she the one who likes to talk about her boobs?
posted by jouke at 12:10 AM on May 16, 2008

yes. if you trawl through her posting history, that will be readily apparent.

but be warned: you'll probably fall asleep. and dream pleasantly of her.
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:22 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well thanks, UbuRoivas. That means exactly shit in this thread. That's for bringing in some shit that has nothing to to do with anythine. Congrats.
posted by puke & cry at 12:30 AM on May 16, 2008

anything. Damnit.
posted by puke & cry at 12:32 AM on May 16, 2008

Yes, because at the end of metatalk threads we always stay on topic
posted by jouke at 12:34 AM on May 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

Telling an AskMe OP that they're lying, and nothing else of substance, as your answer breaks the guidelines imo. I think the biggest shame about this story is that those comments (if not the whole question) aren't deleted.

Mods, address please?
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:51 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

@NikitaNikita: You're right. Clearly AskMe is turning into Y! Answers. Le sigh.

You and I must have very different ideas about what "turning into Y! Answers" entails, given the maturity and grammar in that thread, which included answers from a published obstetric scientist and a sex educator.
posted by dgaicun at 1:16 AM on May 16, 2008

It disappeared from the search results so here is a screenshot.
posted by dgaicun at 2:02 AM on May 16, 2008

Since that was a cached result, there's no way to know when it was posted. Depending on when the site was indexed, it could have been from yesterday, or three months ago.

Let's not do a excavation into this guy or his wife, please. Whatever the situation, they aren't trying to defraud users here, or do anything illegal. It's not cool to try to use AskMe to create some kind of misdirection, or snoop on your spouse, or whatever is going on here, and this should definitely be discouraged - but that's all. We don't need to plunder their lives.
posted by taz at 2:17 AM on May 16, 2008 [9 favorites]

Ouch! No wonder you've been banished to Rhode Island.

It's the closest i could get to NY without violating the restraining order : )

JON OUR LOVE IS ETERNAL AND WILL NEVER, EVER, EVER BE OVER - ONE DAY YOU WILL REALISE , I WILL KEEP SENDING LETTERS UNTIL YOU DO.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:47 AM on May 16, 2008

I didn't mean to suggest otherwise about the cache.

I'm just trying to put the pieces together here since MeFites seem confused by the porn issues and have speculated that the wife is racist (she doesn't approve of him looking at naked Asians?) or that the man is looking at some sort of illegal porn. In both cases obviously trying to fill in the gaps about why porn is such a Big Deal in this marriage.

But looking at the Google result and the previous thread, "asian porn sites" might more likely mean "hook up site", and his newer post is talking about continued conflict over those fidelity issues.
posted by dgaicun at 2:56 AM on May 16, 2008

"I noticed how the topic of this post relates to the meaning of your username in a funny way."

Someone should, like, totally invent a word for this phenomenon.
posted by nthdegx at 2:56 AM on May 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

And some how relationship filter is ok, but we still can't have bears vs. monkeys?
posted by afu at 3:00 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Well thanks, UbuRoivas. That means exactly shit in this thread. That's for bringing in some shit that has nothing to to do with anythine. Congrats.

i recommend a few tall glasses of water, and a couple of vitamin B tablets.

you'll feel much better in the morning.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:11 AM on May 16, 2008

dgaicun writes "One of the 15 results for 'mrleec' on Google"

Great detective work, but I think what's needed here is less detective work andmore compassion. Why are mrleec's ask posts not deleted? Why isn't the comment where his wife posts under his name not deleted?

This stuff is embarrassing and harmful to them and to their relationship, and the compassionate thing would be to delete it, not let it sit out for our amusement and Google's caching.
posted by orthogonality at 3:12 AM on May 16, 2008 [4 favorites]

I'm not sure why I started reading this even though what it was was pretty apparent early on.

I'm going to take a shower now.
posted by psmealey at 3:27 AM on May 16, 2008

Dude. Someone linked to my answer. Now I have to read this thread and figure out if I'm being insulted or not.
posted by Stewriffic at 3:34 AM on May 16, 2008

Can we close this thread and that thread?
posted by fixedgear at 3:40 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

Great detective work, but I think what's needed here is less detective work andmore compassion. Why are mrleec's ask posts not deleted? Why isn't the comment where his wife posts under his name not deleted?

This stuff is embarrassing and harmful to them and to their relationship, and the compassionate thing would be to delete it, not let it sit out for our amusement and Google's caching.

The OP didn't ask for this question, or the wife's comment in the anon thread, to be deleted. If it isn't breaking the guidelines, I'm not sure it is fair for us - or the mods - to make that decision for him.

It is funny how many people are requesting that this thread be closed to save the OP from embarrassment and whatnot, even though he didn't ask for deletion. However, just the other week, people were angry and calling out the mods for deleting an anon thread at the OP's request. MeFites are such a hard to please bunch!
posted by necessitas at 3:56 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

FWIW, if that's really what's going on, the wife is at least as skeevy as the husband IMO.

At the very least, she's a bit odd. If I had a wife who surreptitiously kept track of my Viagra count and scrutinized my browser for evidence of porn site visiting, I'd be D'ing TMFA.

And what's that all about anyway? You don't need the Viagra to look at porn, but you do need them to do me? Nobody needs Viagra to look at porn. It doesn't require an erection from you. You can look at it for months without needing a single Viagra.

OTOH, never having taken a V myself, I'm uncertain as to whether they have any aphrodisiac qualities, but perhaps she's complaining because Viagra help him get over a Hurf-Durfist attitude towards her looks? If so, it's hard for me to see how that's cause for complaint? She'd have cause for complaint if he didn't take them at all, and spent *all* his energies on perusing Asian porn over the net.

Also: Asian porn = bukakke, obviously.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:57 AM on May 16, 2008

And some how relationship filter is ok, but we still can't have bears vs. monkeys?

Are you kidding? Have you ever tried to reconstruct *their* browsing histories? Some things man was not meant to see.
posted by Sparx at 4:06 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

That other AskMe that was linked to in this thread (about whether the girl he slept with could be pregnant) is turning way creepy the more and more the poster comments in his thread.
posted by liquorice at 4:13 AM on May 16, 2008

Also: Asian porn = bukakke, obviously.

Or hentai, or lolicon, or whatever this is... Look if it's Japanese, it's pretty much default lowest of the low.
posted by dgaicun at 4:18 AM on May 16, 2008

I join the smaller mob: we should delete the AskMe (both of them, really) and this thread and let these people go back to suffering anonymously, or at least leave them alone

This is a really ugly MeTa, worst of MeFi
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:11 AM on May 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

I agree with you, fourcheesemac, but it's times like these where I think it would be really interesting and conflicting to be a moderator. I think we should leave the poster and his relationship alone, but do you just erase part of the site's history? Or should it stay, and have all the parts of the thread (judgmental and otherwise) as a testament to what metafilter is about? (I'm finding it hard to write in less dramatic terms--sorry!)

Take these baseless pedophilia claims and stuff them somewhere. Maybe jamjam is so sensitive about this issue because he is a pedophile? What are your crimes, jamjam?
Thanks for that comment, meatbomb. It's very encouraging to me to see someone acknowledging that we're all only human.
posted by lagreen at 5:48 AM on May 16, 2008

Or hentai, or lolicon, or whatever this is... Look if it's Japanese, it's pretty much default lowest of the low.

Pfft. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's low. People have different tastes. Unlike, say, pedophilia or cannibalism, Japanese porn isn't necessarily immoral.

You don't go around accusing people who like Marmite of being low.
posted by WalterMitty at 5:51 AM on May 16, 2008

ND¢: Stop the entire-bottle-of-wine-drinking-while-night-boating-and-looking-at-(and-possibly-commenting-on)-Asian-porn-madness people!

Somewhere Li Po is crying. Or would be, if he weren't dead.

Damn plum wine, that shit's worse than ham sandwiches...
posted by Kattullus at 6:06 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

You don't go around accusing people who like Marmite of being low.

Hell, yes. And those repugnant Promite likers.

Vegemite elitist, and proud of it!
posted by goshling at 6:22 AM on May 16, 2008

Can't. Look. Away. Must. Close. Window.

Metafilter: We need a hug.
Provided: it is a) legal; b) not naked; and c) approved by all affected parties.
posted by ewkpates at 6:39 AM on May 16, 2008

What disappoints me a bit about this thread is that mrleec has been a contributing member of the MeFi for over two years, and the default response has been to publicly assume worst case scenarios about him, as if he isn't even here. So when is the cutoff date for being treated with respect? Two and a half years?
posted by SpacemanStix at 6:46 AM on May 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

Somewhere around ten years.
posted by grouse at 6:49 AM on May 16, 2008

I am a big fan of the disturbing and uncomfortable social situation, but this whole thing is just distasteful and wrong.
posted by Mister_A at 7:05 AM on May 16, 2008

Sometimes I don't post in a thread because I don't want to have to bother clicking "(remove from activity)."

But boy are there a lot of people without sin in this place.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:29 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

This is just dreadfully sad.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:37 AM on May 16, 2008

Pony request:

Dear mods, could I please have a Metatalk Junior Deputy Badge in a shiny leather wallet? If I had such a badge, I could stroll the aisles of Metatalk, saying things like, 'Thread closing, folks. Nothing to see here. Haven't you people got homes to go to?'

Also, to go with the badge, I'd like a Metatalk Junior Deputy Tazer, to provide some non-lethal assistance to those people who aren't sufficiently insightful to see the importance of respect towards those of us in the Metafilter Junior Deputy League.

kthxbye.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 7:57 AM on May 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

so the comment in question, the one that points out that he got caught watching porn by his wife - is there a reason it's still there? does it answer his question or something?
posted by shmegegge at 8:08 AM on May 16, 2008

also, both of these people suck.
posted by shmegegge at 8:09 AM on May 16, 2008

I knocked out a couple more comments this morning. Honestly, this is like a perfect storm of contending issues—the askme doesn't need to be a great big collection of links back to the other question &c nor a general referendum on the dude, but at the same time some of that is unquestionably relevant given that the question is unclear and seems to materially relate to the previous one's unclarified WTF moment.

We've often deleted "oh yeah but what about THIS" comments from users linking back to prior posting history, but not because it's totally out of line to provide a sense of context -- more because often times it's done poorly or unnecessarily. In this case, the existence of the previous question, including the contradictory intercession/outing by the wife, is pretty tightly bound to what's going on here.

Beyond which, yes, we haven't heard from the poster on any of this. I'll still be keeping an eye on that thread, which seems to have largely quieted down for now anyway. I've also nuked a comment upthread taking the detective stuff a little farther down the road than I'm comfortable with. I don't feel like we necessarily need to close this thread—we don't have a policy of disallowing discussion of sort of weird/fascinating/bizarre stuff on the site—but again, for like the third time: please try and not get nasty or gross or uncharitably speculative to the degree that we regret letting this stand.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:18 AM on May 16, 2008

cortex, well done. It looks less like a mockery of the guidelines now. Thanks!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 8:41 AM on May 16, 2008

I'm procrastinating at work, so...

why is this comment still there?

Oh, and ZING, yeah, hello mrleec. WTF was up with that link from rootop secrets?
posted by mumkin at 6:05 PM on May 15
posted by shmegegge at 8:45 AM on May 16, 2008

oh, and good job on the thread. probably seems like I'm being a dick pointing out crappy comments. but seriously, monitoring that monster can't be hard and you're doing an aces job.
posted by shmegegge at 8:46 AM on May 16, 2008

I had no idea about that wdpeck situation. That was pretty fucked up.

ND¢: While boating!? At night!?

I've actually boated while drunk, at night. It was a canoe (stolen borrowed and returned unharmed), and the water was only about four feet deep, but by god, we were rebels.
posted by quin at 8:57 AM on May 16, 2008 [2 favorites]

As an occasional youthful indiscretion, I don't think that boating at night while slightly tipsy/drunk is that bad of an idea, especially if it is in a canoe in four feet of water. That being said, if you make a regular habit of coming home from work, downing a bottle of wine, hopping on your speedboat in the dead of night and weaving it around the lake drunkenly with half your attention on what you are doing and half your attention on the unusually dirty Asian porn that you plan to peruse later in the evening, I just don't think that is an advisable manner in which to spend your evenings.
posted by ND¢ at 9:14 AM on May 16, 2008 [3 favorites]

WTH, that wdpeck dude was from Silverton and apparently sold his recorder where the tape was found in Wilsonville, my hometown. Eeeeeew.

"The Marion County Sheriff’s Office began its investigation when a couple bought a digital video recorder from Fry’s Electronics in Wilsonville."
posted by nonmerci at 9:24 AM on May 16, 2008

You know, to each his own and all, I am just trying to make the point that there are other options out there for an evening's activity, rather than pre-Asian-porn-viewing drunken midnight boating, and that perhaps some of those other activities might be a more advisable choice than pre-Asian-porn-viewing drunken midnight boating. Rent a movie or read a good book perhaps. Who knows? I just try to encourage people to look beyond pre-Asian-porn-viewing drunken midnight boating on occasion. That is just a part of my personal philosophy, but it doesn't mean that I am judging people or saying that the way I live my life is better than those that do make a habit of pre-Asian-porn-viewing drunken midnight boating. I just always try to draw attention to the alternatives that exist to pre-Asian-porn-viewing drunken midnight boating, and let people make their own choices. That is really what it is all about.
posted by ND¢ at 9:25 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

You can boat sober?
posted by klangklangston at 9:55 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

You *would* boat sober?
posted by tkolar at 10:09 AM on May 16, 2008

probably seems like I'm being a dick pointing out crappy comments. but seriously, monitoring that monster can't be hard and you're doing an aces job.

Thread cleanup is weird. When there's a Jesus Fucking Christ What A Mess sort of thing going on with an askme, the worst comments kind of jump out and we deal with those straight off. Sometimes I need a second pass so that stuff that isn't really so great but was not nearly as shriekingly awful as the main problem comments will actually stand out against the trimmed thread in context.

It can be a strange process, and I think Jess has a slightly keener and more confident eye for some of that askme management than I do—I'm maybe a bit more laissez faire about stuff some days.

boat sober

...should totally be the name of a sword in the next FF game.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:32 AM on May 16, 2008

oh man, now I'm wondering what a boat saber would look like.
posted by shmegegge at 10:38 AM on May 16, 2008

when you swing it around it all makes cool foghorn noises and shit
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:19 AM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

And on a limit break, it turns into a propeller.
posted by never used baby shoes at 11:49 AM on May 16, 2008

Saber boats

Chuanweidao 船尾刀 – saber “boat’s stern” (from here)
posted by Kirth Gerson at 12:39 PM on May 16, 2008

I'd go with delete it (hell, all 3) and leave them be. This kind of shit is never fun and the drawing out and dissecting of it in here really isn't helping anyone. It's not even entertaining.
posted by IronLizard at 1:02 PM on May 16, 2008

As someone who didn't see the thread pre-cleanup, I say you guys may as well just nuke it...there's just enough there at this point to make you say, "Wow, I bet this was really, really crazy," but not enough to be meaningful or even all that interesting. And I expect his question has been answered, more or less.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:25 PM on May 16, 2008

I've also nuked a comment upthread taking the detective stuff a little farther down the road than I'm comfortable with.

Yo, why was my (characteristically) super awesome comment deleted? Did I take the detective stuff "too far" by typing his username into Google and reading one of the 10 results?

I can see why that could be considered unusually invasive.

And to all you delete-mongers: good sirs, read necessitas' comment poste haste, stew in its superior logical juices, and desist in your silly mongerings.
posted by dgaicun at 2:39 PM on May 16, 2008

There's a difference between information being available—even trivially available—via a google search and the same information being correlated for posterity in a thread about the person it may or may not apply to. Compare with copying over identifying info from someone's robot.txt'd profile page into a thread proper, something else we generally aren't okay with.

So while I don't think you meant harm, yes: it's a bit invasive.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:48 PM on May 16, 2008

being correlated for posterity in a thread about the person it may or may not apply to

Oh come now, it most certainly was the right person. Less connected dots are often used to identify and ban self-posters.
posted by dgaicun at 3:07 PM on May 16, 2008

And? You think that comment's content was so absolutely necessary to this thread that you can't understand it being deleted?
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:18 PM on May 16, 2008

"You *would* boat sober?"

Your mom would boat sober.
posted by klangklangston at 3:30 PM on May 16, 2008

boat sober

You know, if you say it enough it just becomes a meaningless noise: boat sober boat sober boat sober

Your mom would boat sober.

A filthy, filthy meaningless noise.
posted by quin at 3:36 PM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

And? You think that comment's content was so absolutely necessary to this thread that you can't understand it being deleted?

This was not implied at all in the comment you were responding to. Don't do that.

I can never really defend that any comment is "absolutely necessary" to any thread, whatever that means. Although I do believe my comment productively contributed to the thread.

But I was willing to take your judgment at 2:48 as the final word on the deletion: I don't agree in this context, but I can fully understand why pointing to personal details from the web about another user would be frowned on in more contexts than less. On the other hand, your implication that one of the reasons the comment was frowned on was because it "may not" be the right person revealed a poor and selective use of judgment. It's one thing to question the appropriateness of my comment, it's another thing to question it's credibility like that.
posted by dgaicun at 4:01 PM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

This thread has been grossly derailed. My recent activity only shows a lot of noise about boating sober- I'm being admittedly lazy right now, as I'm kind of sick, but I want to be caught up. Anyone feel like summarizing any things that have come to light since people started (irrationally) jumping on the pedophilia bandwagon?
posted by pedmands at 4:31 PM on May 16, 2008

Please forgive me for besmirching the rigor of your research in my response to your totally unnecessarily sarcastic complaint about the deletion of same.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:56 PM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

if you make a regular habit of coming home from work, downing a bottle of wine, hopping on your speedboat in the dead of night and weaving it around the lake drunkenly with half your attention on what you are doing and half your attention on the unusually dirty Asian porn that you plan to peruse later in the evening, I just don't think that is an advisable manner in which to spend your evenings.

Damn! But it sounds like so much fun!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:03 PM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

cortex: "Please forgive me for besmirching the rigor of your research in my response to your totally unnecessarily sarcastic complaint about the deletion of same."

If you're referring to me, I'm not being sarcastic at all, and made no complaint about any such deletion. I'm simply home from a long day at work choking down coughs so I don't gross out paying customers who might believe I'm unintentionally flinging the plague into their drinks, and was asking (certainly not demanding) an update from any willing person who's been following along the thread today (as it's grown from 40 to over 160 comments since I was last online).
posted by pedmands at 5:16 PM on May 16, 2008

And on preview, my assumption was more than a little self-important. Please continue that dialogue unfettered by my sickly rambling.
posted by pedmands at 5:20 PM on May 16, 2008

No, not you, and hey, I'm grumpy from heat and unrelated bullshit today anyway. dgaicun, I don't really want to scrap with you; I thought the tone of your initial response to me was kind of crappy, but I sincerely apologize for misrepresenting the thoroughness of your fact-checking; consider the original qualifier to be a statement about the general case of overzealous scoobypasting rather than a specific attack on your googling.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:29 PM on May 16, 2008

If nothing else, this thread has generated entertaining terms such as "relationship trainwreck tourism" and "scoobypasting".

Boat sober out there, y'all.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 5:45 PM on May 16, 2008 [1 favorite]

But this is a revolting incident. I'm almost inclined to say that the guy's account should be closed.

Yes Miss Prim.
posted by mattoxic at 7:57 PM on May 16, 2008

Beat saber.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 9:45 PM on May 16, 2008

Two lone swordsmen?
posted by klangklangston at 2:37 AM on May 17, 2008

Bat sobber.
posted by waraw at 4:00 AM on May 17, 2008

Saab boater.
posted by cgc373 at 7:45 AM on May 17, 2008

Oboe brats.
posted by Sys Rq at 8:03 AM on May 17, 2008

PoMo Brits.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:14 AM on May 17, 2008

masturbators of mefi - now you have no hiding place - leave now and let the two people left on this board take it forward.
posted by sgt.serenity at 8:54 AM on May 17, 2008

Yeah, sarge, take it away!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:55 AM on May 17, 2008

Anyway, we were just having a little fun... spoilsport!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:56 AM on May 17, 2008

spielspurt!
posted by not_on_display at 3:02 PM on May 17, 2008

sproutspurt!
posted by Kattullus at 5:20 PM on May 17, 2008

shirtspurt!
posted by Sys Rq at 5:22 PM on May 17, 2008

spin cycle!
posted by Dizzy at 5:45 PM on May 17, 2008

Yes Miss Prim.

Sit up straight. And stop playing with yourself in class.
posted by orange swan at 8:32 AM on May 18, 2008

Ditch The Mother Fucker.
posted by DenOfSizer at 9:32 AM on May 18, 2008

I can't help myself. Lamest joke ever:

So when is the cutoff date for being treated with respect?

January 1, 1970, of course.
posted by gjc at 7:50 PM on May 27, 2008