I'll call me J October 27, 2008 5:45 AM Subscribe
This is just a gentle request for posters of RelationshipFilter -- please use names, even made up ones, instead of letters.
I understand the need to anonymize questions, but I'd like to ask that people use fake names instead of letters when doing so. "I'll call her A, and him K and the girl they picked up at the bar for a threesome who turned out to be a triple-breasted whore from Eroticon Six E" makes for posts that are much harder to follow than if you'd named them April, Kevin and Eccentrica.
There's something about names -- they give a clue as to gender so help with the 'wait, was K the boyfriend or was E the boyfriend and K the whore of unusual breasts?' and they're something we're mentally prepared to remember -- that just makes it a lot easier to follow through long relationship filter posts than a slew of capital letters.
I understand the need to anonymize questions, but I'd like to ask that people use fake names instead of letters when doing so. "I'll call her A, and him K and the girl they picked up at the bar for a threesome who turned out to be a triple-breasted whore from Eroticon Six E" makes for posts that are much harder to follow than if you'd named them April, Kevin and Eccentrica.
There's something about names -- they give a clue as to gender so help with the 'wait, was K the boyfriend or was E the boyfriend and K the whore of unusual breasts?' and they're something we're mentally prepared to remember -- that just makes it a lot easier to follow through long relationship filter posts than a slew of capital letters.
I would second this request. I know for the people telling the story it's really easy to keep people straight but for the reader it's often not, esp when some of the members may be of the same or different or disguised genders in MM/MF/FF relationships. Plus I've seen at least a few AskMes where the writer gets confused themselves and asks me to fix something for them "Can you please reverse C and B in the seventh paragraph?" Made up names beat letters for this sort of thing.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:48 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:48 AM on October 27, 2008
Though...will those who ask those types of questions read this MetaTalk thread?
posted by Grither at 6:01 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by Grither at 6:01 AM on October 27, 2008
Well, possibly not, but MetaTalk is what we have, so it's what I'm going with. We could turn this into a pony request for a random fake name generator to help these people out with their fake name generating needs, but that seems like it might be overkill.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:11 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by jacquilynne at 6:11 AM on October 27, 2008
Well, I talked to X about this, and she said P thought it was a bad idea, so Q and L convinced me to vote against it.
Also, seven ate nine.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 6:12 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Also, seven ate nine.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 6:12 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Can we compromise, and call everyone Bea, Elle, Jay, or Kay?
posted by burnmp3s at 6:18 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by burnmp3s at 6:18 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
Awaiting the further adventure of Alice and Bob.
Bob was with Carol, Alice with Ted ... until they weren't.
posted by netbros at 6:26 AM on October 27, 2008
Bob was with Carol, Alice with Ted ... until they weren't.
posted by netbros at 6:26 AM on October 27, 2008
the whore of unusual breasts
WOUBs? I don't believe they exist.
Though...will those who ask those types of questions read this MetaTalk thread?
Those of us who did read it can berate posters who don't.
The "in a similar vein" is in statistics questions: just describing the thing you're interested in is simpler than writing "I am interested in plucking green marbles from a thing, but sometimes the green marbles have a purple core and sometimes they don't, and I want to compare this pile of marbles to that pile and see which one is easier to ``lift'' and ``spin around.'' "
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:34 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
WOUBs? I don't believe they exist.
Though...will those who ask those types of questions read this MetaTalk thread?
Those of us who did read it can berate posters who don't.
The "in a similar vein" is in statistics questions: just describing the thing you're interested in is simpler than writing "I am interested in plucking green marbles from a thing, but sometimes the green marbles have a purple core and sometimes they don't, and I want to compare this pile of marbles to that pile and see which one is easier to ``lift'' and ``spin around.'' "
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:34 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
Can we compromise, and call everyone Bea, Elle, Jay, or Kay?
Egads no. My mother's name is Bea, and she's, like, 70, and she gave me an antique dresser, and...
posted by headnsouth at 6:34 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Egads no. My mother's name is Bea, and she's, like, 70, and she gave me an antique dresser, and...
posted by headnsouth at 6:34 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
What comes between fear and sex?
Fünf!
posted by lukemeister at 6:36 AM on October 27, 2008 [24 favorites]
Fünf!
posted by lukemeister at 6:36 AM on October 27, 2008 [24 favorites]
The best solution is to use the names of Catholic saints for the various players. Everybody knows enough of them to cover the filthiest, most interesting relationships. "St. Albans and I hooked up at a party, but the next day I found out that St. Jude and St. Albans were kind of together, and St. Jude was going to be my bridesmaid, and then St. Katherine Drexel, who is also a bridesmaid, turns out to have an STD, which she told me she got from when she was seeing St. Oliver Plunkett!"
Plus there are great saints with names like St. Nick Pick and Companions, St. Hilarion, and St. Oswald! All we'd need is a link to here on the asking page.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:47 AM on October 27, 2008 [11 favorites]
Plus there are great saints with names like St. Nick Pick and Companions, St. Hilarion, and St. Oswald! All we'd need is a link to here on the asking page.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:47 AM on October 27, 2008 [11 favorites]
Would anyone like to volunteer to have their full names used in place of the actual peoples names in AskMe questions?
posted by blue_beetle at 6:55 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by blue_beetle at 6:55 AM on October 27, 2008
k!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:56 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:56 AM on October 27, 2008
There are commonly used names for this sort of thing.
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:58 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Kid Charlemagne at 6:58 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Everybody knows enough of them to cover the filthiest, most interesting relationships.
I am happy to say that my knowledge of filthy relationships exceeds my knowledge of Catholic saints.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:23 AM on October 27, 2008 [8 favorites]
I am happy to say that my knowledge of filthy relationships exceeds my knowledge of Catholic saints.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 7:23 AM on October 27, 2008 [8 favorites]
The best solution is to use the names of Catholic saints for the various players. Everybody knows enough of them to cover the filthiest, most interesting relationships. "St. Albans and I hooked up at a party, but the next day I found out that St. Jude and St. Albans were kind of together, and St. Jude was going to be my bridesmaid, and then St. Katherine Drexel, who is also a bridesmaid, turns out to have an STD, which she told me she got from when she was seeing St. Oliver Plunkett!"
The chances of my posting another relationshipfilter question for a while are vanishingly small, but I am so going to do this just for the amusement factor.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:26 AM on October 27, 2008
The chances of my posting another relationshipfilter question for a while are vanishingly small, but I am so going to do this just for the amusement factor.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:26 AM on October 27, 2008
I know the post this refers to, and I eighth it (or whatever point we're at.) The other thing that drove me crazy was that the poster wouldn't even name countries involved, which unless you're from the Vatican City or San Marino seems to take cautious anonymity too far (and in any case, just make up a country, for heaven's sake.)
It's only a pet peeve, but it sure does prevent me (and possibly many others) from bothering to try and figure it all out and provide a theoretically-hopeful response.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 8:27 AM on October 27, 2008
It's only a pet peeve, but it sure does prevent me (and possibly many others) from bothering to try and figure it all out and provide a theoretically-hopeful response.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 8:27 AM on October 27, 2008
I'd like a similar guideline for database schema. "I've got a table... with a PK and an index and I want to match it up with another table that has a many-to-many mapping. How do I group by the child table's rightmost column? P.S. I'm using MySQL 2.1.7"
posted by 0xFCAF at 8:50 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by 0xFCAF at 8:50 AM on October 27, 2008
I know the post this refers to
It doesn't refer to any specific post. There's one I was reading this morning that happened to trip off my 'Oh, right, I've been meaning to post a MeTa thread about that' alarm, but it's ongoing issue in relationship threads. I deliberately didn't call out particular posts or posters.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:53 AM on October 27, 2008
It doesn't refer to any specific post. There's one I was reading this morning that happened to trip off my 'Oh, right, I've been meaning to post a MeTa thread about that' alarm, but it's ongoing issue in relationship threads. I deliberately didn't call out particular posts or posters.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:53 AM on October 27, 2008
Though, I should add, that 'anonymous' bastard is particularly bad for this. I wish he'd just get his love life in order already, and stop cluttering up Ask.Me with his endless "and then A said this and B said that and then we all had a giant orgy and now could I be pregant?" questions.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:56 AM on October 27, 2008 [4 favorites]
posted by jacquilynne at 8:56 AM on October 27, 2008 [4 favorites]
ROU_Xenophobe: the whore of unusual breasts
WOUBs? I don't believe they exist.
...
At least one exists. I've seen video.
As for the saints, that would help, but it might be easy to forget to choose a name with identifiable gender.
posted by Pronoiac at 8:56 AM on October 27, 2008
WOUBs? I don't believe they exist.
...
At least one exists. I've seen video.
As for the saints, that would help, but it might be easy to forget to choose a name with identifiable gender.
posted by Pronoiac at 8:56 AM on October 27, 2008
I have a simple trick I use when confronted with questions like this, I just assume that they are asking about some futuristic community, were everyone is identified by a simple letter like 'K' or 'J'. Naturally, it follows that this group of people live in some kind of bubble city and spend a lot of mental energy determining which one-piece silver jumpsuit they should wear that day. As with most of these kinds of environments, there is probably some kind of reel-to-reel tape driven mainframe that has dropped a couple of bits and decided that "protect the people" means "by pickling them in jars" and things are just going to get worse from here.
Operating under these assumptions, I just find that the easiest solution is to avoid the question all together. After a while, you get tired of providing the same answer; "You'll never be happy or safe till you take a fire-axe to the Computer's power supply." (or ATMFA)
posted by quin at 9:06 AM on October 27, 2008 [13 favorites]
Operating under these assumptions, I just find that the easiest solution is to avoid the question all together. After a while, you get tired of providing the same answer; "You'll never be happy or safe till you take a fire-axe to the Computer's power supply." (or ATMFA)
posted by quin at 9:06 AM on October 27, 2008 [13 favorites]
This is exactly why I never finished The Story of O, incidentally.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:08 AM on October 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:08 AM on October 27, 2008 [3 favorites]
"Ugh, character classes? NO THANKS."
And then the cleric hooked up with the ranger in the paladin's bathroom, and I was all like, so you're chaotic neutral now?
"This is exactly why I never finished The Story of O, incidentally."
Really? I never finished it because it keeps getting worse and worse and no one I've ever talked to who has read it recommends reading after Rene gives O to Stephen.
The Taboo editor who recently filmed another movie adaptation of the book also says that most of the second half is crap. But he doesn't see it as porn, describing it rather as a "comedy of manners set in bourgeois Paris."
posted by klangklangston at 9:24 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
And then the cleric hooked up with the ranger in the paladin's bathroom, and I was all like, so you're chaotic neutral now?
"This is exactly why I never finished The Story of O, incidentally."
Really? I never finished it because it keeps getting worse and worse and no one I've ever talked to who has read it recommends reading after Rene gives O to Stephen.
The Taboo editor who recently filmed another movie adaptation of the book also says that most of the second half is crap. But he doesn't see it as porn, describing it rather as a "comedy of manners set in bourgeois Paris."
posted by klangklangston at 9:24 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I just assumed all these questions were talking about various Men In Black agents. That's why they get posted anonymously, for operational security, right?
Don't neuralize me, bro!
posted by Rock Steady at 9:25 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
Don't neuralize me, bro!
posted by Rock Steady at 9:25 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
It would seem trivial to me to write up the (inevitably) long and detailed recounting in a word processing program with all the original names and then do a find and replace with the names before copying it into askmefi, no?
I would probably use a list of most popular baby names of [whatever year] as the source of the pseudonyms, but I will favorite any question which does this with Star Trek character names ("Then it turned out that while Riker had been seeing Kes and had hooked up with Ezri on the side, I wasn't sure to tell him that Kira and Ezri had had a little fling themselves during a camping trip...")
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:27 AM on October 27, 2008
I would probably use a list of most popular baby names of [whatever year] as the source of the pseudonyms, but I will favorite any question which does this with Star Trek character names ("Then it turned out that while Riker had been seeing Kes and had hooked up with Ezri on the side, I wasn't sure to tell him that Kira and Ezri had had a little fling themselves during a camping trip...")
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:27 AM on October 27, 2008
I just assume that they are asking about some futuristic community, were everyone is identified by a simple letter like 'K' or 'J'.
...set in a post-apocalyptic future where only 26 people survived.
posted by turaho at 9:40 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
...set in a post-apocalyptic future where only 26 people survived.
posted by turaho at 9:40 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
It might be simpler to go with the hurricane name list.
posted by lysdexic at 9:46 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by lysdexic at 9:46 AM on October 27, 2008
blue_beetle writes "Would anyone like to volunteer to have their full names used in place of the actual peoples names in AskMe questions?"
There are lots of ways to do this while still making it obviously anonymous. Besides the aforementioned saints and Trekkers a random selection of celebrity names will work as well. If a question has Donald Duck hooking up with Pink and Antonio Banderas one can keep the players straight without revealing any identifying information.
posted by Mitheral at 9:51 AM on October 27, 2008
There are lots of ways to do this while still making it obviously anonymous. Besides the aforementioned saints and Trekkers a random selection of celebrity names will work as well. If a question has Donald Duck hooking up with Pink and Antonio Banderas one can keep the players straight without revealing any identifying information.
posted by Mitheral at 9:51 AM on October 27, 2008
If a question has Donald Duck hooking up with Pink
DTMFDA
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:54 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
DTMFDA
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 9:54 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I'm in favor of this, but I have to say that when I read the relationship-fliter questions (which I always do) I regularly switch all the names around. It tends to make each question even more interesting in a kind of girls with premature ejaculation and boys who really enjoy receiving cunnilingus if only their boyfriend would do it, type of way. If one extends this to replacing the name of the third party with the name of a dog, Rover for example, one basically has the aristocrats.
posted by ob at 10:00 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by ob at 10:00 AM on October 27, 2008
I will never submit a relationshipfilter question, but if I did, I would use iconic names from popular media to make it more interesting for the reader: "So Spock and Kirk have been dating for almost a month, when suddenly Kirk starts seeing Zaphod and Spock finds out and goes positively Sylar..."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:11 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:11 AM on October 27, 2008
So does this mean that we should recommend that they Dwayne Trillian Mordechai Fatima Angelina?
posted by googly at 10:23 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by googly at 10:23 AM on October 27, 2008
(Though I guess, in keeping with the subtext of this thread, that would be Dan Trillian Marvin Ford Arthur)
posted by googly at 10:25 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by googly at 10:25 AM on October 27, 2008
Seems like a good idea.
I just assume that they are asking about some futuristic community,
Funny, I totally imagine them as nineteenth-century novel characters, like Lady Van der K------ and Colonel P-------- and that cad D------.
I will never submit a relationshipfilter question,
Sure, sure. We know it was you.
posted by Miko at 10:40 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I just assume that they are asking about some futuristic community,
Funny, I totally imagine them as nineteenth-century novel characters, like Lady Van der K------ and Colonel P-------- and that cad D------.
I will never submit a relationshipfilter question,
Sure, sure. We know it was you.
posted by Miko at 10:40 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
Sure, sure. We know it was you.
I didn't say I'd never star in a relationshipfilter question...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:59 AM on October 27, 2008
I didn't say I'd never star in a relationshipfilter question...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:59 AM on October 27, 2008
I mean - ultimately, it's all about me isn't it?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:00 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:00 AM on October 27, 2008
How about we just use forms of the name Aaron. For women, we can say Erin or Errin, for guys we can use Aaron, Aron, Arron, or Aren.
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:00 AM on October 27, 2008
posted by SpacemanStix at 11:00 AM on October 27, 2008
My mother's name is Bea, and she's, like, 70, and she gave me an antique dresser
An "antique dresser," eh? Boy, and I thought I knew all the slang terms. Also, TMI.
posted by languagehat at 11:09 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
An "antique dresser," eh? Boy, and I thought I knew all the slang terms. Also, TMI.
posted by languagehat at 11:09 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
So I've been in this relationship with Pat for about 3 years. Things have started getting a little boring, so we've been talking about spicing things up and having a threesome with a mutual friend, Chris. Should we go for it?
Thanks AskMe!
Yours,
Sam
posted by Pollomacho at 11:23 AM on October 27, 2008
Thanks AskMe!
Yours,
Sam
posted by Pollomacho at 11:23 AM on October 27, 2008
An "antique dresser," eh? Boy, and I thought I knew all the slang terms.
Isn't that what you call it when an old person wears their drawers pulled up high and meanwhile their chest sags down so low that everything meets in the middle? They've got an old chest full of drawers.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:24 AM on October 27, 2008 [8 favorites]
Isn't that what you call it when an old person wears their drawers pulled up high and meanwhile their chest sags down so low that everything meets in the middle? They've got an old chest full of drawers.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:24 AM on October 27, 2008 [8 favorites]
The other thing that drove me crazy was that the poster wouldn't even name countries involved, which unless you're from the Vatican City or San Marino seems to take cautious anonymity too far (and in any case, just make up a country, for heaven's sake.)
Ok, Ok, So my boyfriend, let's call him Giovanni Battista, is in a line of work that makes it difficult for us to be together. Especially since, he's almost like 60 years older than me (yes, I have a thing for older men, but thats not relevant here) So, now, this other guy, let's call him Nasrallah Pierre who is..uh.. in the same line of work as my BF has found out about us. Well, he says that unless he becomes my boyfriend too he'll tell other colleagues of theirs - let's call them Ignace Moussa, and Stephanos and Emmanuel - and perhaps even tell their Boss!!! (let's call him "Benny")....
posted by vacapinta at 11:26 AM on October 27, 2008
Ok, Ok, So my boyfriend, let's call him Giovanni Battista, is in a line of work that makes it difficult for us to be together. Especially since, he's almost like 60 years older than me (yes, I have a thing for older men, but thats not relevant here) So, now, this other guy, let's call him Nasrallah Pierre who is..uh.. in the same line of work as my BF has found out about us. Well, he says that unless he becomes my boyfriend too he'll tell other colleagues of theirs - let's call them Ignace Moussa, and Stephanos and Emmanuel - and perhaps even tell their Boss!!! (let's call him "Benny")....
posted by vacapinta at 11:26 AM on October 27, 2008
Oh, man. You guys have got me writing Askme questions for fictional characters:
So, how skeevy is to go after the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with? So my ex-bf, Scott, left me for this skank, Emma. To be honest, Scott and I were headed for a breakup. I mean, he can't express his emotions for shit and he put me on this pedestal and always expected me to a be "good girl." (But I'm so tired of that.) Emma's bitchy as hell, but she's also awesome and I find myself more and more attracted to her. (Ok, honestly, I was attracted to her from when she 1st came to work at our company, that's part of the reason I was not very nice to her, cause I didn't like being attracted to someone like her.) And I know she's attracted to me. Trust me, I know. If this isn't complicated enought, we all work together. Plus she used to be evil, and I was too for a bit, and there's a whole lot [More inside]
My boyfriend can change shape. How can I can I convince him that tentacle monsters are hot?
I've been on another plane of existence for a long time (10 years, maybe 15, I'm not sure.) I first went to the plane soon after my wife became pregnant. I showed up for the birth of my (second) son, but I left soon after. Now, I'm ready to return for good. Also, I have another son, (my current wife is not his mother) he's an adult, but I want to be a part of his life again as well. Any advice on how to reintergrate your self back into your family after such a long absence, especially with a son who never knew me? Personal anecdotes welcome.
posted by nooneyouknow at 11:42 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
So, how skeevy is to go after the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with? So my ex-bf, Scott, left me for this skank, Emma. To be honest, Scott and I were headed for a breakup. I mean, he can't express his emotions for shit and he put me on this pedestal and always expected me to a be "good girl." (But I'm so tired of that.) Emma's bitchy as hell, but she's also awesome and I find myself more and more attracted to her. (Ok, honestly, I was attracted to her from when she 1st came to work at our company, that's part of the reason I was not very nice to her, cause I didn't like being attracted to someone like her.) And I know she's attracted to me. Trust me, I know. If this isn't complicated enought, we all work together. Plus she used to be evil, and I was too for a bit, and there's a whole lot [More inside]
My boyfriend can change shape. How can I can I convince him that tentacle monsters are hot?
I've been on another plane of existence for a long time (10 years, maybe 15, I'm not sure.) I first went to the plane soon after my wife became pregnant. I showed up for the birth of my (second) son, but I left soon after. Now, I'm ready to return for good. Also, I have another son, (my current wife is not his mother) he's an adult, but I want to be a part of his life again as well. Any advice on how to reintergrate your self back into your family after such a long absence, especially with a son who never knew me? Personal anecdotes welcome.
posted by nooneyouknow at 11:42 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
I like the saints idea, but am not catholic. Easier for me to visualize would be late '70s early '80s TV stars.
"Donny Most and I hooked up at a party, but the next day I found out that Joyce DeWitt and Donny Most were kind of together, and Joyce DeWitt was going to be my bridesmaid, and then Nancy McKeon, who is also a bridesmaid, turns out to have an STD, which she told me she got from when she was seeing Alan Thicke!"
Mind-boggling trivia: in looking up the spelling of Ms. McKeon's name I came across the fact that Alan Thicke not only wrote the words to the Facts of Life theme song, he wrote and PERFORMED the Diff'rent Strokes theme song. Holy crap!
posted by dirtdirt at 11:43 AM on October 27, 2008
"Donny Most and I hooked up at a party, but the next day I found out that Joyce DeWitt and Donny Most were kind of together, and Joyce DeWitt was going to be my bridesmaid, and then Nancy McKeon, who is also a bridesmaid, turns out to have an STD, which she told me she got from when she was seeing Alan Thicke!"
Mind-boggling trivia: in looking up the spelling of Ms. McKeon's name I came across the fact that Alan Thicke not only wrote the words to the Facts of Life theme song, he wrote and PERFORMED the Diff'rent Strokes theme song. Holy crap!
posted by dirtdirt at 11:43 AM on October 27, 2008
Speaking of Eccentrica - I was recently directed to a link that contained a rather overtly adult flash video of a woman who appeared to be, indeed, triple-breasted. Not in a natural supernumerary nipple kind of way, but in the three peas in a pod sort of way, as in the movie Total Recall or our esteemed triple-breasted whore of Eroticon Six.
It was disappointingly not nearly as erotic as I hoped it would be. In fact it was disturbingly mundane. I believe I spent a whole three seconds pondering what it would be like to have one in each hand and the third in my mouth. Look, I gave it a shot, but it just wasn't doing anything for me.
The upside is that I now know for certain that the internet has ruined me and left me so jaded that if I ever did met a woman (in the biblical sense) that did indeed have three (or more) nipples my reaction would probably be something along the lines of "Hey, cool. Neat. Should I put on the robe and wizard hat now or do you want to flip a coin for it? Magic Missle has already been cast. I rolled a twenty."
posted by loquacious at 11:58 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
It was disappointingly not nearly as erotic as I hoped it would be. In fact it was disturbingly mundane. I believe I spent a whole three seconds pondering what it would be like to have one in each hand and the third in my mouth. Look, I gave it a shot, but it just wasn't doing anything for me.
The upside is that I now know for certain that the internet has ruined me and left me so jaded that if I ever did met a woman (in the biblical sense) that did indeed have three (or more) nipples my reaction would probably be something along the lines of "Hey, cool. Neat. Should I put on the robe and wizard hat now or do you want to flip a coin for it? Magic Missle has already been cast. I rolled a twenty."
posted by loquacious at 11:58 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
The upside is that I now know for certain that the internet has ruined me and left me so jaded...
*shrug* I knew I'd reached that point when I heard about a guy who thought he was married to his pet pony but considered himself polyamorous because he also had a human girlfriend, and my one reaction was, "thank God for the Internet or I'd never have known about this."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:10 PM on October 27, 2008
*shrug* I knew I'd reached that point when I heard about a guy who thought he was married to his pet pony but considered himself polyamorous because he also had a human girlfriend, and my one reaction was, "thank God for the Internet or I'd never have known about this."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:10 PM on October 27, 2008
I knew I'd reached that point when I heard about a guy who thought he was married to his pet pony but considered himself polyamorous because he also had a human girlfriend
!!!
Wow, I suddenly feel so normal, boring and mundane.
Thanks.
posted by loquacious at 12:48 PM on October 27, 2008
!!!
Wow, I suddenly feel so normal, boring and mundane.
Thanks.
posted by loquacious at 12:48 PM on October 27, 2008
Heh. I first read about it in this page on a community web site; the community is for the discussion of all sorts of bizarre things found on the internet. This was a year ago, and the actual post from the guy discussed within has probably long since been deleted, but the discussion on that page about the topic is still quite entertaining.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:14 PM on October 27, 2008
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:14 PM on October 27, 2008
Letters? People still write letters? I thought it was all email and texting now.
posted by Cranberry at 1:32 PM on October 27, 2008
posted by Cranberry at 1:32 PM on October 27, 2008
I agree with the OP... I can't follow anonymous questions that refer to people by a single letter.
posted by Nattie at 1:36 PM on October 27, 2008
posted by Nattie at 1:36 PM on October 27, 2008
Dear AskMe: Please help me decide what to do. I am a nanny who has been in love with my male former employer -- let's call him Ed -- for several months now. (Please don't judge me -- I know.) I got very mixed signals from him for a while -- one minute he would be kind and sort of flirty, and the next he would be mean and critical of my artistry and looks and flaunt the fact that he was dating someone else in front of me. Despite all of this, and perhaps my better instincts, I could not conceal my feelings anymore and told Ed that I was in love with him. He proposed! I accepted and we were supposed to get married, but several strange circumstances have intervened that make me wonder whether I can trust him. Namely:
1. As the nanny, I lived with Ed in his gigantic house with the rest of his hired help. One night I came to my room and there was a strange woman there who had ripped my wedding veil in half! I was scared and could not catch her. At the time, Edward said not to worry, it is just one of his drunk housekeepers, but it turns out this was a lie.
2. In fact Ed had been married before to a woman who was bipolar and rather out of control and refused to stay on her medication. Because he said that she became a danger to herself and others, Ed wound up keeping her locked up in the upper floor of the house with one of the housekeepers. I know this sounds unusual, but honestly there are not any good mental facilities within a reasonable distance from his house, which is basically out in the boonies. I did not find this out until our wedding day, when a friend of Ed's stopped the wedding because of it and Ed admitted it was true. This was very upsetting, and I left Ed intending never to see him again, even though he pleaded with me to come and live with him somewhere else and told me he loved me more than anything.
3. Since that time I have kept busy and inherited some money, but I find that I can't stop thinking about Ed. I found out that after I left his crazy wife set the house on fire trying to kill him, and did kill herself, but he is okay. Actually he is hurt, though -- blind and has difficulty walking -- and I really miss him.
My question is, I keep having fantasies about going to take care of him and being his equal rather than his subservient nanny. Is this crazy? Should I just try to forget Ed was ever in my life because of all the lies he told me in the past? Or can I try to make a clean start of things, now that his wife is no longer in the picture and my self-esteem is improved? I know that I should probably get some counseling, but has anyone else ever been in a similar situation, and can you offer me any words of wisdom? Thanks in advance, AskMe!
posted by onlyconnect at 1:57 PM on October 27, 2008 [23 favorites]
1. As the nanny, I lived with Ed in his gigantic house with the rest of his hired help. One night I came to my room and there was a strange woman there who had ripped my wedding veil in half! I was scared and could not catch her. At the time, Edward said not to worry, it is just one of his drunk housekeepers, but it turns out this was a lie.
2. In fact Ed had been married before to a woman who was bipolar and rather out of control and refused to stay on her medication. Because he said that she became a danger to herself and others, Ed wound up keeping her locked up in the upper floor of the house with one of the housekeepers. I know this sounds unusual, but honestly there are not any good mental facilities within a reasonable distance from his house, which is basically out in the boonies. I did not find this out until our wedding day, when a friend of Ed's stopped the wedding because of it and Ed admitted it was true. This was very upsetting, and I left Ed intending never to see him again, even though he pleaded with me to come and live with him somewhere else and told me he loved me more than anything.
3. Since that time I have kept busy and inherited some money, but I find that I can't stop thinking about Ed. I found out that after I left his crazy wife set the house on fire trying to kill him, and did kill herself, but he is okay. Actually he is hurt, though -- blind and has difficulty walking -- and I really miss him.
My question is, I keep having fantasies about going to take care of him and being his equal rather than his subservient nanny. Is this crazy? Should I just try to forget Ed was ever in my life because of all the lies he told me in the past? Or can I try to make a clean start of things, now that his wife is no longer in the picture and my self-esteem is improved? I know that I should probably get some counseling, but has anyone else ever been in a similar situation, and can you offer me any words of wisdom? Thanks in advance, AskMe!
posted by onlyconnect at 1:57 PM on October 27, 2008 [23 favorites]
Maybe muppet names would at some much needed humor. "So I asked Cookie Monster to tone down the innuendo next time Oscar the Grouch is there but he said it's pointless because Miss Piggy tells him everything anyway, and it'll all blow up in Beaker's face.
posted by longsleeves at 3:29 PM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by longsleeves at 3:29 PM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
at - add.
posted by longsleeves at 3:29 PM on October 27, 2008
posted by longsleeves at 3:29 PM on October 27, 2008
just a thought anyway.
posted by longsleeves at 3:30 PM on October 27, 2008
posted by longsleeves at 3:30 PM on October 27, 2008
Don't forget about Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel.
posted by Robert Angelo at 4:26 PM on October 27, 2008
posted by Robert Angelo at 4:26 PM on October 27, 2008
O wanted to wear the owl costume again last night. But I wanted to watch the damn Phillies.
posted by jfuller at 4:35 PM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by jfuller at 4:35 PM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]
@ onlyconnect:
Please do a followup of this question.
"Reader, I DTMFA"
posted by theantikitty at 5:57 PM on October 27, 2008
Please do a followup of this question.
"Reader, I DTMFA"
posted by theantikitty at 5:57 PM on October 27, 2008
Dear AskMe: Firstly, thanks to everybody who helped out with my previous post about getting over Roz. You'll be happy to know that I'm totally over her. In fact I've met somebody new.
Me, my buddy Ben and the rest of our gang crashed a party recently and I met this incredibly hot girl and... well, long story short, I'm in love. Unfortunately, her family don't approve of me. This is really unfair because apart from crashing that party, I don't think I've done anything they could reasonably object to.
I'm planning to pop the question soon, but I'm not sure if I should wait until I've squared things away with her family. It's not going to be easy to bring them around.
How should I handle this to avoid drama?
posted by the latin mouse at 6:45 PM on October 27, 2008
Me, my buddy Ben and the rest of our gang crashed a party recently and I met this incredibly hot girl and... well, long story short, I'm in love. Unfortunately, her family don't approve of me. This is really unfair because apart from crashing that party, I don't think I've done anything they could reasonably object to.
I'm planning to pop the question soon, but I'm not sure if I should wait until I've squared things away with her family. It's not going to be easy to bring them around.
How should I handle this to avoid drama?
posted by the latin mouse at 6:45 PM on October 27, 2008
I swear, it's like since this was posted, all relationship questions are using letters for names just to taunt us.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:24 PM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:24 PM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]
F you.
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:24 AM on October 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by fourcheesemac at 5:24 AM on October 28, 2008 [1 favorite]
Don't forget about Monica, Phoebe, and Rachel.
But we were on a break!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:52 AM on October 28, 2008
But we were on a break!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:52 AM on October 28, 2008
Acronyms. It's the future.
My BF likes PDA while I'm into S&M with my FWB (who's also my BFF), while his XGF (LGBT crowd) has OCD, ADD and HDTV.
WTF? Should I DTMF?
posted by slimepuppy at 8:51 AM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
My BF likes PDA while I'm into S&M with my FWB (who's also my BFF), while his XGF (LGBT crowd) has OCD, ADD and HDTV.
WTF? Should I DTMF?
posted by slimepuppy at 8:51 AM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
If it wasn't for the anti-abortion activists and McCain's buddies at the cable tv companies, we'd have all gotten free HDTV vaccines already, instead of having to wait for the coupon to come in the mail.
posted by box at 9:35 AM on October 28, 2008
posted by box at 9:35 AM on October 28, 2008
My suggestions:
-- H.P. Lovecraft names:
So this guy I'm dating, Hziulquoigmnzhah, has gotten really close with my best friend, Zoth-Ommog. I was cool with it, until they got all huggy with each other. I confronted Zoth-Ommog, but she says I'm imagining things. But her boyfriend, Baoht Z'uqqa-Mogg, thinks the same thing I do... O! O! The pain of a thousand screams!
-- Dr. Seuss names:
My husband, the Southgoing Zaxx, has been acting strange lately. He says he needs more "alone time." But then why is he constantly hanging out with the Onceler, Sam I Am, and Bartholomew Cubbins? Also, his ex -- Thing Two -- is in town, and she insists on texting him every five minutes...
-- Charles Dickens names:
I've fallen hard for this girl at work. I'll call her Noddy Boffin. I think she likes me, but I'm not sure. Last night, I was at a party, and I asked her friend, The Ghost of Christmas Past, if she thought I had a chance. She said maybe, but that I should know Noddy is hung up on this guy I'll call Nathaniel Winkle. I can't compete with Winkle. He's really tall and good looking. So my question is, should I wait for Noddy to get over him or should I go out with this way-hot chick: Zephaniah Scadder? Help me hivemind!
posted by grumblebee at 11:31 AM on October 28, 2008 [3 favorites]
-- H.P. Lovecraft names:
So this guy I'm dating, Hziulquoigmnzhah, has gotten really close with my best friend, Zoth-Ommog. I was cool with it, until they got all huggy with each other. I confronted Zoth-Ommog, but she says I'm imagining things. But her boyfriend, Baoht Z'uqqa-Mogg, thinks the same thing I do... O! O! The pain of a thousand screams!
-- Dr. Seuss names:
My husband, the Southgoing Zaxx, has been acting strange lately. He says he needs more "alone time." But then why is he constantly hanging out with the Onceler, Sam I Am, and Bartholomew Cubbins? Also, his ex -- Thing Two -- is in town, and she insists on texting him every five minutes...
-- Charles Dickens names:
I've fallen hard for this girl at work. I'll call her Noddy Boffin. I think she likes me, but I'm not sure. Last night, I was at a party, and I asked her friend, The Ghost of Christmas Past, if she thought I had a chance. She said maybe, but that I should know Noddy is hung up on this guy I'll call Nathaniel Winkle. I can't compete with Winkle. He's really tall and good looking. So my question is, should I wait for Noddy to get over him or should I go out with this way-hot chick: Zephaniah Scadder? Help me hivemind!
posted by grumblebee at 11:31 AM on October 28, 2008 [3 favorites]
That's great Grumblebee, but the ex-girlfriend should really be called "Thing One".
posted by Evangeline at 11:35 AM on October 28, 2008
posted by Evangeline at 11:35 AM on October 28, 2008
Thing One is gay!
posted by grumblebee at 11:36 AM on October 28, 2008
posted by grumblebee at 11:36 AM on October 28, 2008
>Can we compromise, and call everyone Bea, Elle, Jay, or Kay?
One of them will have the last name Elemeno.
posted by philfromhavelock at 3:49 PM on October 28, 2008
One of them will have the last name Elemeno.
posted by philfromhavelock at 3:49 PM on October 28, 2008
Yeah, but if you're going to use Seuss names, the question should really be in verse.
Hivemind help! I'm really blue.
Hubby's flirting with Thing Two!
(Thing Two is his skanky ex.)
All day long it's 'text, text, text'
Should I Dee Tee Em Eff Ay?
Hit reply and have your say!
posted by the latin mouse at 5:11 PM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
Hivemind help! I'm really blue.
Hubby's flirting with Thing Two!
(Thing Two is his skanky ex.)
All day long it's 'text, text, text'
Should I Dee Tee Em Eff Ay?
Hit reply and have your say!
posted by the latin mouse at 5:11 PM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
If I ran the circus
I'd dump that big jerkus.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:14 PM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
I'd dump that big jerkus.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:14 PM on October 28, 2008 [2 favorites]
I could not, would not, on a boat.
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not threesome in the rain.
nor will I foursome on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like your whips and chains
I do not like your stupid games
I do not like them in my box.
I do not like it with a fox.
I will not eat you in a house.
I do not like you or your spouse!
Do you think that i'm a mole?
I WILL NOT PUT THAT IN MY HOLE
posted by coriolisdave at 8:01 PM on October 28, 2008 [8 favorites]
I will not, will not, with a goat.
I will not threesome in the rain.
nor will I foursome on a train.
Not in the dark! Not in a tree!
Not in a car! You let me be!
I do not like your whips and chains
I do not like your stupid games
I do not like them in my box.
I do not like it with a fox.
I will not eat you in a house.
I do not like you or your spouse!
Do you think that i'm a mole?
I WILL NOT PUT THAT IN MY HOLE
posted by coriolisdave at 8:01 PM on October 28, 2008 [8 favorites]
coriolisdave: I LOLed. I LOLed so hard that I cried. And then I had to explain myself to 'moonMan who demanded to know what could be so funny. Problem is, he's from one of them forin' countries and didn't grow up with Dr. Seuss. So, thank you not only for the LOLs, but also for a moment of cultural outreach and attempt to acquaint him with the brilliance of Green Eggs and Ham.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:54 PM on October 29, 2008
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:54 PM on October 29, 2008
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posted by Space Coyote at 5:48 AM on October 27, 2008 [1 favorite]