pseudo-posts

August 25, 2009 1:25 AM

How is it that I can see this post but click through to a profile on which no posts are listed? (also, user seems to be "signing" his posts with "sscct")
posted by phrontist to bugs at 1:25 AM (76 comments total)

That's not a post, it's a comment.
posted by abc123xyzinfinity at 1:30 AM on August 25

Dude is posting up a storm -- a total of 9 comments within a total of 7 minutes. Maybe there was just some lag time before they all registered?
posted by creasy boy at 1:46 AM on August 25

I know people who 'sign' their posts shouldn't irritate me as much as it does, but damn, it's like being stabbed in the eye by a very, very tiny knife.
posted by Happy Dave at 1:55 AM on August 25 [7 favorites]

small sclerotic cuts create trouble
posted by little e at 2:05 AM on August 25 [4 favorites]

stabby stabs cause corneal trauma
posted by little e at 2:07 AM on August 25 [2 favorites]

students should choose correct terminology
posted by flabdablet at 2:27 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

Signed, some cunt called Tenacious.
posted by cillit bang at 2:52 AM on August 25 [7 favorites]

spontaneously, several commenters copulate titillatingly
posted by little e at 2:55 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

I hate post signing. Hate it. YOUR NAME IS THERE. WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE. It's the internet equivalent of wearing a T-shirt with a picture of your own face on it.
posted by mippy at 2:56 AM on August 25 [21 favorites]

If you are going to sign your posts then you really should start them with Dear All. I say we kill him or just let it pass.
posted by Elmore at 3:01 AM on August 25

Some species causes chancres? Treponema!
posted by little e at 3:19 AM on August 25

SSCCT

Upgrade your energy, Magic Man.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 3:39 AM on August 25

Hmmmm. 9s look like 0s.
posted by ersatzkat at 3:44 AM on August 25

Despite this being a miscallout I sense a self-post coming on.
posted by tellurian at 3:51 AM on August 25

Dear All,
I never thought it would happen to me, but just the other day some crazy dude from the internet knocked on my door to complain about a comment I'd written on Fark! Dude was wearing a diaper and looked like he'd driven quite a long way to give me a piece of his mind. (I later learned that his name is Chad and he's from Minnesota.) Anyway, Chad must have smoked some meth to make it the last few hours, because he was ranting and raving and gesticulating about the PROPER USE OF CAPS LOCK and the vagaries of the semi-colon and how rude it is to comment on a poster's history in-thread unless it's directly relevant. I didn't know what to do. I started to ease the door shut, reasoning that I'd be much better off with some wood and metal between the two of us.

That's when it happened. Chad saw what I was doing, as his meth-amphetamine use heightened his senses. He grabbed for the door and shouted, "I'M TIRED OF BEING SILENCED! YOU WILL NOT SHOVE ME DOWN THE MEMORY HOLE!" It became a struggle. He was inhumanly strong, so it was all I could do to hold the door where it was, with perhaps a foot and a half of open space. He tried to barge through this space but he couldn't fit. I pushed. He pushed. I strained. He was breathing heavily through his mouth. I realized I was going to lose, and began trying to remember whether there were any weapons in the house. Was the big butcher knife was in the knife block or in the dish washer? Do I own a baseball bat? (No.) Where was my cell phone? Could I call the police in time?

Looking into his rage-mangled face, I knew I was looking at my doom. I said a little prayer, which was silly because I'm an atheist, but you know it never hurts: "Please God, if you let me survive this, I'll never be an asshat on the internet again." There may be atheists in foxholes, but even then we're not above a little bargaining with the indifferent forces of the Universe. It didn't seem to help. I could feel the door opening.

Then I saw my cat, Bug. He was coming towards us, meowing for something or other, hoping to rub up against this stranger's leg. At about the same time, I finally lost the battle to close the door, and went sprawling on my back. Chad came flying through, but of course Bug was there to give him a friendly greeting as he so often does. And... Chad got his legs all tangled around my overly amiable cat, and tumbled, head first, into the credenza. I could hear the crack, in fact I still have nightmares about that sound. He lay still. He was dead.

I called the police and they came and asked me some questions. The body was removed, and I guess they figured out who he was through fingerprints. Of course, he had a long history of such violence. It was self-defense, obviously, but they didn't press charges for any of the other stuff: the illicit lolcats or the bad grammar or the time I apparently called him a pusillanimous reprobate. And I guess I was lucky, everything being equal, although I didn't realize it at the time. At the time, I just felt so, so empty. A man died in my foyer, you know? How am I ever going to get the blood out of the carpet?

Still sad 'cause Chad tripped,
anotherpanacea
posted by anotherpanacea at 4:01 AM on August 25 [18 favorites]

Dude, don't clean the carpet until someone takes your photo giving thumbs up beside the blood stain so you can post it on your blog!!
posted by little e at 4:06 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

Okay, whoops, I don't know how I failed to notice that 9. Post signing issue remains, and his contributions all kind of blow.
posted by phrontist at 4:11 AM on August 25

I will add that at the time I thought I looked pretty carefully and saw a 0. Is there caching implemented anywhere along the line, or is it all dynamic?
posted by phrontist at 4:13 AM on August 25

No caching. Just preliminary testing of next year's April Fools' Day joke.
posted by gman at 4:18 AM on August 25

I think it's a great idea, real panache; I think I'll do the same myself from now on.

...Dr. Coppe.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
WWJD?
---------
"All it takes for evil to triumph is for Hitler to buy a classic British road bike"
--------
Asus A8N-E, AMD Athlon 3200 2.5 Ghz OCed, GeForce 9800 GT 512 VRam, 2 GB Ram, 1TB HardDrive, Ubuntu 9.04
---------

          .-/ \                                 / =-\-.
      _.-~ /   \___  ______ __  _    _     _   /___| ~-._
      \ /  -~||  __||_  __//  || |  | |  /| | / __/| .\ /
       / . . ||  __| | |\ / ' || |__| |_/ | || (_/ |   \
      / / ~| ||____| |_| /_/|_||____|____||_| \___\| |\ \
     / /   |-~\    \ \ \ | || ||    |    // / /   /~-| \ \
    / /__ / \  \____\|\_\|_/|_||____|___//_/\/___/  / __\ \
   /  .-~\   \-~                                 ~-/\/~-.  \
  /.-~    \                                         /    ~-.\
 /~      .-                                         -.      ~\    
 \    .-~                                             ~-.    /
  \.-~                                                   ~-./

posted by Abiezer at 4:18 AM on August 25 [36 favorites]

 
         .-/ \            / =-\-.
      _.-~ /   \___  ____ /___| ~-._
      \ /  -~||  __||_  _|| .\ /
       / . . ||  __| | |/ |   \
      / / ~| ||____| |_|  | |\ \
     / /   |-~\    | | | /~-| \ \
    / /__ / \  \___| |_|/  / __\ \
   /  .-~\   \-~        ~-/\/~-.  \
  /.-~    \                /    ~-.\
 /~      .-                -.      ~\    
 \    .-~                    ~-.    /
  \.-~                          ~-./

posted by Sova at 5:01 AM on August 25 [59 favorites]

Damn, the top row is slightly off. Feck.
posted by Sova at 5:03 AM on August 25

A productive guy right there.
posted by bigmusic at 5:13 AM on August 25

So is this a callout or not?

Because, while I hold no personal ire for Mr. Tenacious, I don't think posting nine comments to nine different threads in seven minutes is a good thing for this here Internet place. That's not discourse, that's peeing your name in the snow -- there's no way he could've read those threads, never mind the actual links. Or am I misunderstanding something?
posted by creasy boy at 5:14 AM on August 25

I don't think posting nine comments to nine different threads in seven minutes is a good thing for this here Internet place.

Agreed and we'll keep an eye on him. That said, there's nothing terrifically against the rules about posting some throwaway comments, so we'll see if he's leading up to anything or just a fly by night comment menace.
posted by jessamyn at 5:25 AM on August 25

I don't think posting nine comments to nine different threads in seven minutes is a good thing for this here Internet place

well, he does say he's an automoton altho he *might* mean automaton. or something.
posted by msconduct at 5:26 AM on August 25

What's all the fuss about?

Todd Lokken
posted by armage at 5:47 AM on August 25 [2 favorites]

What do expect to get yout of this?
posted by chillmost at 5:57 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

he's on the brink
of a big self-link
he's on the brink
of a big self-link
that's what i think
that's what i think
a big self-link
and he's on the brink
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:45 AM on August 25 [4 favorites]

Kids these days!

-goml
posted by lukemeister at 6:57 AM on August 25

I am coming.

-Zalgo. ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉
posted by DU at 6:59 AM on August 25 [5 favorites]

Weird.
posted by cortex at 7:13 AM on August 25

Poor form.

-Todd Lokken
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:16 AM on August 25

Shit, armage
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:17 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

what's wrong with signing posts? some of you guys are so uptight, jeez.

~~*~~sidhedevil~~*~~
44/f/baaahston
~~~~all we are is dust in the wind -- kansas~~~~

DAVID STRAITHAIRN 4 EVA
[colorbar]David Straithairn is LOVE[/colorbar]
posted by Sidhedevil at 7:30 AM on August 25 [5 favorites]

I seem to remember seeing an infodump type thingy which tallied how many members joined each day. Does anyone have a link to it? I'm curious to see what effect the Time Magazine story had on signups.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sig Line To Be Inserted Later
------------------------------------------------------------------
posted by zarq at 7:58 AM on August 25

every system programmed by humans has holes. even in the old days like 1776

That's kinda' funny.
posted by bz at 8:06 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

...there's nothing terrifically against the rules about posting some throwaway comments...

Words to live by.
posted by JeffK at 8:18 AM on August 25

...there's nothing terrifically against the rules about posting some throwaway comments...

It is kind of irresponsible, though. That's why I try to recycle my comments as much as possible.

They're saaable!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:25 AM on August 25 [2 favorites]

Dear Sir,

I am here to inqires about the cock yout. Please accept payment in full as I am in dire need of said yout attachement.

Kind Ragards,

Plato Beans
posted by P.o.B. at 8:26 AM on August 25 [3 favorites]

TIME magazine strikes again!
posted by Sys Rq at 8:26 AM on August 25

That's what P.o.B. stands for? I naturally assumed it was "Phallus out Boyz/Bitchez!"
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:30 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

I actually rarely post on one forum of which I am a member because the animated and pictoral sigs took up more than a browsing window with some posters. I can't get upset about smilies as some can, but keeping things clean is good.
posted by mippy at 8:33 AM on August 25

I seem to remember seeing an infodump type thingy which tallied how many members joined each day.

Probably this, but it's not been updated recently.
posted by smackfu at 8:44 AM on August 25

You know what this site needs? IMG TAGS!

Oh, and a nice professional looking white background.
posted by Elmore at 9:04 AM on August 25

I was in a chatroom last night where a guy tried to insult a (self-identified) Asian with "I'll eat all your rice."

It's so ridiculous it's been stuck in my head all day.

Then again, it was a comeback to "suck my eggroll, n----"
posted by desjardins at 9:20 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

Yep, it was this one. Thank you, smackfu!
posted by zarq at 9:42 AM on August 25

MUST. NOT. PASTE. KIBO.SIG. IN. COMMENT. BOX.
posted by dersins at 9:44 AM on August 25 [10 favorites]

When he self-links his blog, might I recommend the entry on looking for a new breakfast place? It's a pretty nice piece, and the last line made me laugh.
posted by EatTheWeak at 10:36 AM on August 25

It's the internet equivalent of wearing a T-shirt with a picture of your own face on it.

Sorry, but shirts with my picture on them are totally awesome.
posted by ODiV at 10:46 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

I ate a scotch bonnet pepper--actually two--by accident. A friend of mine's husband does a lot of bartering for services (fishing trips, etc.) and someone gave him a bunch of scotch bonnet peppers. I was visiting, saw the pepper, not knowing what kind it was, and asked, "Oh, mind if I have one?"

"I wouldn't if I were you!" was her reply, with a wide-eyed smile.

But they were too cute to resist, and I like hot things. So I ate two in a row. I was ruminating on how fibrous and tough they were--what good were peppers like these?--when suddenly the temperature on my lips and mouth started to rise. And continued to rise. And continued to rise further.

"Here, let me get you a glass of milk," my friend offered, and went into the kitchen. Meanwhile, I started to feel all flushed and dizzy, and my mouth felt like the blood supplying it had been switched with hot coffee. I was pacing the room, half-laughing, half-moaning, when she came back with the glass of milk. "Those are scotch bonnets, very high on the Scoville chart." I drank the milk... "ahhhhh.. O it still burns!"

It took about 15 minutes to wear off completely. I had the spiciest bowel movement ever the next morning.

The reason I tell this story is because I know I won't have a chance to do so later, when scotchbon.net is linked to and then the FPP is deleted. Ah well.

N_O_D LOKKEN
posted by not_on_display at 11:17 AM on August 25 [3 favorites]

I was wondering about that, too.

-LSMFT
posted by StickyCarpet at 11:28 AM on August 25

I figured 'sscct' was onomatopoeia, like the sound a tiny knife makes when you whip it out to punctuate your comments.
posted by grobstein at 11:39 AM on August 25 [2 favorites]

It's the internet equivalent of wearing a T-shirt with a picture of your own face on it.

Wait, you don't have one of those? I'm wearing mine tomorrow.
posted by GuyZero at 11:40 AM on August 25

It's the internet equivalent of wearing a T-shirt with a picture of your own face on it.

This is my surprised face.

*points to chest*

Hey, buddy: I'm down here!

*points to chest, emphatically*
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:46 AM on August 25 [1 favorite]

ｷﾀ━━━━(ﾟ∀ﾟ)━━━━ !!!!!~ Some people wants sigs and avatars. In lieu of that, you can always make your own.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
HIS POWER LEVELS ARE OVER 9000!!!!!!!!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 12:11 PM on August 25

WHAT NINE THOUSAND?!?!
posted by adamdschneider at 12:28 PM on August 25

Here lies the body of Happy Dave
A "guy who signed" put him in his grave.
Very tiny cuts found in his eye
Were the only signs he was gonna die.

And there lies Chad, who quaintly ends a
Life of hate on an old credenza.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 12:33 PM on August 25 [5 favorites]

"They're saaable!"

They feeeeeel amazing!
posted by klangklangston at 12:55 PM on August 25

What if I don't think of myself as a homogeneous entity, but one composed of parts?
-TwelveTwoA
posted by TwelveTwo at 1:25 PM on August 25

Hey guys I know the guy seems like a hypercommenting tool, but can we not copypaste stuff from his blog into MetaTalk? It's pretty iffy territory in the "don't drag profile stuff over into Google-crawlable pages" sense.
posted by jessamyn at 3:14 PM on August 25

DOWNLOAD YOUR OWN HYPERCOMMENTING TOOL AT COMPBIZ.ZZ ACT NOW
posted by Potomac Avenue at 3:35 PM on August 25

A friendly couple gave me two Bhut Jolokias this afternoon, apparently grown by some researcher at Duke, and told me they were the official world's hottest. The wife warned me to be sure to wash my hands in white vinegar after handling them, and when I said, "Sure, after cutting them" she said, "No, after handling them." The husband told me he cut a tiny piece off the bottom, ate it and his mouth was on fire for an hour.

I have no idea what to do with these toxic pieces of plant. Hell, I don't even want them in my house.
posted by mediareport at 4:45 PM on August 25

Not quite knowing what to expect I went and started to read MrTenacious' blog. I ended up reading quite a bit. I like him.

Hey MrTenacious, hi, what does sscct stand for?
posted by vapidave at 4:47 PM on August 25

[NOT LOKKENIST]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:10 PM on August 25

mediareport, whatever you do with them, don't do this.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 8:40 PM on August 25

"How long is this gonna last?"

"For some people, 5 or 6 hours."
posted by mediareport at 4:53 AM on August 26

That's what P.o.B. stands for? I naturally assumed it was "Phallus out Boyz/Bitchez!"

While I know it has to stand for Plate of Beans, I can't see that name and not think of Penis on Back.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:35 AM on August 26

mediareport : I have no idea what to do with these toxic pieces of plant.

I'm going to throw some words at you, what you do with them is on you;

Gullible Friends
Alcohol
Video Camera
Pepper Eating Contest
Crying
Begging An Uncaring God To Make It Stop
Gallons Of Milk
YouTube

posted by quin at 8:05 AM on August 26 [3 favorites]

It's the internet equivalent of wearing a T-shirt with a picture of your own face on it.

I have a longstanding plan to design and purchase a shirt with my own face on it. Are you suggesting that there is a problem with this?
posted by decagon at 9:08 AM on August 26

I can't see that name and not think of Penis on Back.

Lol I know, it makes interacting with POB somewhat awkward/sexy for me on this site.

--PA

[img]IWILLFLYONEDAY.jpg[/img]
posted by Potomac Avenue at 10:46 AM on August 26

mediareport

Send them to me. They sound exactly like what I am looking for.

I'm not sure if that's the same pepper as the dorset naga, but there are tons of youtube links of people eating them and crying.
posted by cjorgensen at 11:16 AM on August 26

I can't see that name and not think of Penis on Back.

Lol I know, it makes interacting with POB somewhat awkward/sexy for me on this site.

Whatever floats your boat! (...and yes, I'm looking at you Potomac Avenue *creepy smile & wink*)

Funny thing is, I'm not really that fond of the name. When I first picked it out I think it was like six or seventh on a list of derivations of one thing or another and was hastily entered after a number of failed attempts. I've contemplated getting a sock puppet or just starting anew for that reason.
It was probably originally obvious to a lot of people that the acronym stood for Plate of Beans, but as that particular Metafilter meme gets older and out of use then the acronym loses it's specificity. So people may think it is P-O-B or maybe Pahb or whatever you like. All are fine and good.
posted by P.o.B. at 3:22 PM on August 26

I honestly thought it meant "post office box" with some funky Shift-key action.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:29 PM on August 26 [1 favorite]

Gullible Friends
Alcohol
Video Camera
Pepper Eating Contest
Crying
Begging An Uncaring God To Make It Stop
Gallons Of Milk
YouTube

Have you seen the clip of the guy and his daughter? "Big girls don't cry! Big girls don't cry!" So so sad... Plus, the Indian government is turning them into crowd control weapons.

Send them to me.

I could not possibly bear the moral responsibility. Order your fucking own. :)
posted by mediareport at 6:56 PM on August 26

Oooh, since we're all signing our posts, can we bring back taglines, too?


********************************** Where am I going? And why am I in this handbasket?!
posted by desuetude at 7:36 PM on August 26 [1 favorite]