Some of us are lucky enough that every Tuesday is a Big Gay Tuesday

January 5, 2010 1:21 PM

Today is Big Gay Tuesday

I would just like to thank the straight members of Metafilter for being open to LGBTs and the really cool gay MeFites who's comments I've enjoyed reading. I am AMAZED that we managed to have a homophobia related flameout thread because, while Metafilter is no super happy love fest, it really is an accepting place for gays in my experience.

Go find a gay person and hug them, and if you don't have a gay person around hug the air or a stuffed animal or something and pretend it's a gay person. Then go watch one of these videos or your favorite big gay thing and then go on with your day!

(and yes, Big Gay Tuesday already began in the end of the recent gay flameout thread but wanted to give it its own one)

posted by The Devil Tesla to MetaFilter-Related at 1:21 PM (157 comments total)

Go find a gay person and hug them

Heteroist!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:23 PM on January 5, 2010

Brandon, do you want hugs too?
posted by The Devil Tesla at 1:25 PM on January 5, 2010

* Puts linty needle onto loveworn Coil record *
posted by everichon at 1:26 PM on January 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

Go find a gay person and hug them

Should I ask first or just hug the people I suspect are gay?
posted by rocket88 at 1:28 PM on January 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

I'm pretty sure if I hugged the next gay person I see (I know who this will be) because he was gay, I'd get a punch in the face.

Maybe I'll tell him it's for a different reason.
posted by Lemurrhea at 1:33 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

That was my question, too, rocket88. This could really derail a work day here at the office.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:33 PM on January 5, 2010

And no crotch grabbing, please!
posted by ericb at 1:34 PM on January 5, 2010

God, finally.
posted by Caduceus at 1:35 PM on January 5, 2010

I was just listening to this at my desk, too. :) Background
posted by zarq at 1:38 PM on January 5, 2010

hug the air or a stuffed animal or something

What kind of comparison are you making here? I find this perplexing. Close my account!

Uncannily, I got an email from one of my bestest gayest friends today, whom I adore, but is a terrible correspondent. I was very happy!
posted by Admiral Haddock at 1:39 PM on January 5, 2010

gay people get ready

i am coming for you with my big arms

i am coming to hug you gays

put on your hugging parka because you will need it

you hear me gays it is that time

that time for hugging
posted by Greg Nog at 1:41 PM on January 5, 2010 [54 favorites]

This is just to say
I have hugged
the gays
that are in
my immediate reach

and which
you were probably
saving
to hug yourself

Forgive me
they were fabulous
so tasteful
and so totally worthy of full protection under the freaking 14th amendment already
posted by scody at 1:44 PM on January 5, 2010 [159 favorites]

Is this the thread where predatory gay men grab my crotch?
posted by xmutex at 1:45 PM on January 5, 2010

it really is an accepting place for gays in my experience

To a point.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:45 PM on January 5, 2010

GOD DAMN IT, this was supposed to be BIG GAY JEWDAY.
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:45 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

i'm bi - so if i hug myself am i hugging a gay and a straight person?
posted by nadawi at 1:46 PM on January 5, 2010

When I masturbate, is my right hand gay?
posted by Astro Zombie at 1:47 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Oh wow, we lost Sys Rq and dnab? I completely missed the thread, don't know how. Now I don't really feel the need to go through and figure out what happened, only to know that their names will be etched on the Quonsar Eternal Flameout Monument. So long you few, you happy, you band of brothers!
posted by geoff. at 1:47 PM on January 5, 2010

To a point.

Hell, we're only accepting of anything here "to a point". Have you met us? We'll argue about anything just to see ourselves type, and we love to get all contrary on a person's ass.
posted by padraigin at 1:48 PM on January 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

some varieties of hugs i give to gay people:

spicy hug: this is a hug with tabasco sauce on my palms

shakes hug: where i hug but then at the last second shake your shoulders a bit

chemical warm hug: those little packets you put in your mittens, i hold those so its warm

floss hug: when i hug you gay people i also whisper to remember to floss

alligator hug: i start out with arms up and down like a alligator but then move them sideways at the last second

electric hug: i quietly hum the electric slide song and say "it's electric!" which is the only words of it i know

all these hugs and many more for the gay people who happen to be near me today
posted by Greg Nog at 1:50 PM on January 5, 2010 [39 favorites]

Stay away from me! NOBODY TOUCH ME!

Just kiddin'. Happy Big Gay Tuesday everybody. I am reasonably sure I will see a friend of mine who happens to be gay tonight, I'll give him a hug. He'd be cool with that, even it wasn't Big Gay Tuesday.</small.
posted by marxchivist at 1:50 PM on January 5, 2010

I am AMAZED that we managed to have a homophobia related flameout thread because, while Metafilter is no super happy love fest, it really is an accepting place for gays in my experience.

I was surprised as well. I could understand DNAB's flameout to some extent considering how heated the argument was getting at that point, but Sys Req leaving came out of nowhere. It makes me sad to think that some people honestly think that MetaFilter defends or supports homophobia in any way.
posted by burnmp3s at 1:52 PM on January 5, 2010

I want Sys Rq back.
posted by dunkadunc at 1:56 PM on January 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

[Jofus taps out his pipe, places it in his cardigan pocket and looks to camera]

You know, its been quite a couple of days here at Metafilter. First we had dirtynumbangelboy go steamin' off into the sunset. Then good old Sys Req went steaming off after him. And heck, I'm not sure we've all wrapped out heads around that one just yet.

But that's not to say we won't keep tryin' - and darnit if that isn't all a guy can do in this crazy world we live in.

[the camera dollies back to reveal I'm not wearing anything on my lower half except sock-suspenders]

So whaddya say, sport? How about we go out into the yard and indulge in some knockabout stereotypes about male sexuality? That pep you up any, son?
posted by Jofus at 1:57 PM on January 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

My spouses can hug me, I guess. It should be mutual spouses, though, not those one-way spouses.

Or not. Whatever. Hugs are good. Except when they're not. Hug at your own risk.
posted by rtha at 2:15 PM on January 5, 2010

It just occurred to me that rtha means "read the homosexual article."
posted by Astro Zombie at 2:19 PM on January 5, 2010

The only gay guy around me today actually kinda reports to me...or at least there's a manager/employee relationship thing there. So, as much as I love Big Gay Tuesday, I don't think I'll give him a hug just to avoid any unpleasantness with HR.

I think I'll celebrate with a drink instead. And I'll grab at my own crotch.
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:20 PM on January 5, 2010

padraigin : Have you met us? We'll argue about anything just to see ourselves type, and we love to get all contrary on a person's ass.

I disagree.

Oh, I see. Well played.
posted by quin at 2:20 PM on January 5, 2010

I don't know that I have any gay friends. Not because of any conscious philosophical decision I have made, but I guess I haven't exactly been going and actively seeking them out. Is it important to have at least one gay friend in one's retinue? I don't know, and this vexes me. I don't know any Freemasons either. There are entire circles that are closed to me!
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:25 PM on January 5, 2010

The other thread said that Big Gay Tuesday would include naps and vodka as well as the hugging. Sadly, I don't have any vodka or gay people here with me right now, so I'll have to show my solidarity by taking a nap.
posted by amyms at 2:30 PM on January 5, 2010

I didn't know that Sys Rq and dnab had bailed.

Bummer.
posted by quin at 2:33 PM on January 5, 2010

Well, who knew?

Urban Dictionary: Gay Tuesday -- "Gay tuesday is a day set aside by the gods for homosexual merriement [sic]! Orginated on Tricklife Forums."
posted by ericb at 2:35 PM on January 5, 2010

I missed the gay flameout.
posted by cjorgensen at 2:35 PM on January 5, 2010

Hug?! Forget that. mathowie owes me a fuckin'
posted by JeffK at 2:36 PM on January 5, 2010

I nominate Big Gay Al as host of Gay Tuesdays from hereon in.
posted by ericb at 2:38 PM on January 5, 2010

Gay Wednesday. Gay Thursday. Gay Friday. Gay Weekend. Gay Monday.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 2:39 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Well, it's kind of appropriate that the #biggaybattle is concluding today, then. Given that ti's a Big Gay Tuesday and all!
(I'll hug you with pyro flames later, Tesla, just you wait!)
posted by gemmy at 2:40 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Lest we forget that the day is also Terrible Tuesday.
posted by ericb at 2:41 PM on January 5, 2010

*...host of Big Gay Tuesdays from hereon in.*
posted by ericb at 2:42 PM on January 5, 2010

Hug?! Forget that. mathowie owes me a fuckin'

And, ya' know what? He has his sex drive back -- from "zero-point five" to "eleven-point-six."
posted by ericb at 2:57 PM on January 5, 2010

Awww goddamn... Sys Rq too?! I've been broken up enough about dirtynumbangelboy leaving since I got told earlier today... but Sys Rq too? Goddamn fuck it all to hell.
posted by Kattullus at 3:01 PM on January 5, 2010

I can't even tell you how much I've learned from all of you MeFites about gender, sexuality, and basic humanity over the years. I was seriously and embarrassingly ignorant, and because of all of your compassion, patience, information and activism, I've come a long way towards being a better human. Thanks.

Also, I'm on an airplane right now. Can I just hug you all over the 'net? I'd rather hug you anyway.

Arms open...waiting for squeezes...
posted by iamkimiam at 3:06 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also, I'm on an airplane right now.

Internet, on an airplane!!!?!

*hugs*
posted by The Devil Tesla at 3:09 PM on January 5, 2010

The other thread said that Big Gay Tuesday would include naps and vodka as well as the hugging. Sadly, I don't have any vodka or gay people here with me right now, so I'll have to show my solidarity by taking a nap

Aha! I was going to ask about the appropriate way for me to honor this occasion. Nap time it is!

Is there a traditional food for Big Gay Tuesday (similar to turkey for Thanksgiving)?
posted by FishBike at 3:11 PM on January 5, 2010

Also, I'm on an airplane right now.

And another one to the Mile High Poster Club!
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:18 PM on January 5, 2010

And no crotch grabbing, please!

Not to worry! After the 2010 Big Gay Flameout, I was able to work through the night on my calculations. I believe I have developed a formula that will help all of us in solving the problem of what to do when our crotches are grabbed in bars or other public spaces.
Observe:

Scenario A The Guilty Grabber (henceforth known as GG) is of the Mefite persuasion (as has been known to happen at some of the more spirited meetups). In this case, you are advised to reach for the nearest bowl of complimentary peanuts and immediately dump these over the GG's head. If they persist in the crotch grabbing, smash the bowl over their head. In cases where no peanuts are handy, a burger will suffice - simply remove the patty from the bun and slap them repeatedly across the face! At this point they should release your crotch, facilitating a quick high-five. The GG is then required to purchase 2 beers, to be immediately consumed.
Scenario B The GG is of the Non-Mefite persuasion. Now, I'll admit that this initially posed more of a problem for me, due to the high number of variables. Luckily, it turns out that Metafilter solved this problem over a year ago! You are advised to pop a squat and proceed to knock -not once, not twice, but thrice! Remember, we never discriminate!

**Scenario A may also be used as the new official greeting/secret handshake at all future meetups**
posted by mannequito at 3:18 PM on January 5, 2010

What I learned from this is that all gay people are undercover TSA agents grabbing the crotch of people who look like terrorists to make sure they don't have bombs in their underwear.
posted by qvantamon at 3:19 PM on January 5, 2010

Please come back, dnab.
posted by StickyCarpet at 3:23 PM on January 5, 2010 [6 favorites]

put on your hugging parka because you will need it
Can I just say that I am so smitten with that line.

Humongous hugs, all you lgbt peeps, I am home sick so can't hug you in person. But once I am better, you better just watch out.
posted by madamjujujive at 3:25 PM on January 5, 2010

I look forward to the day when we can just go around hugging people for no reason at all.
Now get off my lawn.
Unless you're here for hugging. Then stay, cuz here I come.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 3:28 PM on January 5, 2010

rocket88 writes "Should I ask first or just hug the people I suspect are gay?"

What with 1 in 10 people being gay if you make it to 9 hugs and still no gay person I've, uh, got some news for you.
posted by Mitheral at 3:34 PM on January 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

Is there a traditional food for Big Gay Tuesday

Yep. Martinis.
posted by ericb at 3:36 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Who's Martin again?
posted by Bookhouse at 3:41 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

oh.
posted by Bookhouse at 3:42 PM on January 5, 2010

Well, who knew?

Urban Dictionary: Gay Tuesday...


Hahahaa! That's awesome! I swear, I had no idea...
posted by darkstar at 3:45 PM on January 5, 2010

rocket88: “Should I ask first or just hug the people I suspect are gay?”

Actually, the way I like to do it is to just hug random strangers, then stop nervously and ask: "oh, I'm sorry - are you gay?"
posted by koeselitz at 3:46 PM on January 5, 2010

And no crotch grabbing, please!

Unconsensual palm-filling is also off-limits, but worth slightly more points.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:46 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I maintain that Big Gay Tuesday is a purely homegrown, MeFi creation.
posted by darkstar at 3:47 PM on January 5, 2010

What happens when a Fred Phelps christian side hugs a gay person? Just wondering.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 3:52 PM on January 5, 2010

Brandon, do you want hugs too?

And pizza. THIN CRUST.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:03 PM on January 5, 2010

And pizza. THIN CRUST.

Here! *hands over interenet pizza*

It is the thinnest pizza because it doesn't exist.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 4:04 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't think we have any gay people in Utah.
posted by mr_crash_davis mark II: Jazz Odyssey at 4:05 PM on January 5, 2010

I don't think we have any gay people in Utah.

If you look around the state and can't figure out who the gay person is, well...
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:08 PM on January 5, 2010

If anybody needs a gay to hug, I give most excellent hugs.
posted by xingcat at 4:14 PM on January 5, 2010

>I am AMAZED that we managed to have a homophobia related flameout thread because, while Metafilter is no super happy love fest, it really is an accepting place for gays in my experience.....

>>To a point.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:45 PM on January 5 [+] [!]

You know, on a serious note, I'd like to state very emphatically that Metafilter does feel to me like an extraordinarily accepting place. It's like how I wish high school had been (at least in terms of this single issue) -- I don't worry that if I open mouth here, someone will come at me because I'm gay. The people who might have done that in the past are either gone or have finally acquiesced to the mods' admonitions, of which I'm very grateful. But you know, if someone were to come at me simply because I'm gay, I know that there are a bunch of folks here -- some of whom I've met, some of whom I've corresponded with, and most of whom I've had no dealings with whatsoever -- who would line up behind me with their arms folded and would give the dickhead what-for. As a gay person, you don't always get that kind of public support in life. Hell, you rarely get it. And it's one of the things that makes this place feel comfortable to me.

Now, at the same time, these people standing behind me with their arms crossed might give me hell for having a bad lesbian mullet** or for having a too-strong opinion about Topic X or for getting shrill and emotional when a particularly touch topic comes up. And if that's "to a point," I'm fine with that. I even see it as a little necessary, because hell if I want to go through life acting like a special gay snowflake. I'm a person first. I'm not even sure that "gay" would be the second adjective on the list, but I know it's not the first. (Just like "straight" oughtn't be the first for a lot of the rest of you.) Sometimes ALL of our high horses need to be made a few hands shorter.

So thanks, Metafilter, from someone who really means it. I wish all teh gheys could feel the way I do about you, because it's a pretty damn nice feeling to know that homophobia will almost always lose here (at least to my standards). But we're all people, and we all have our own standards, and I can't force mine on anyone, anymore than I want them to force theirs on mine.

Now fucking hug me, dammit.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:15 PM on January 5, 2010 [36 favorites]

Hmm, new york style thin crust pizza. One of the few reasons why New York should be allowed to continue to exist.


I didn't have the pleasure of knowing dnab, but I'm straight up bummed out by Sys Rq feeling as if this wasn't a good place for them right now/anymore.

I don't know you at all, or course, but appreciated your contribution Sys Rq. If you ever choose to come back, I'll be one of the first in line to favorite you. If not, be well.
posted by anitanita at 4:15 PM on January 5, 2010

** RIP, bad lesbian mullet
1989 - 1997
posted by mudpuppie at 4:17 PM on January 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

*hugs mudpuppie*

(I woulda hugged you even if you still had the mullet)
posted by rtha at 4:17 PM on January 5, 2010

YOU BET MY SWEET ROUND ASS IT IS!


*whoooo!*


please let me out of the airport, I'll be good
posted by The Whelk at 4:23 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Man, next time I play Oregon Trail I'm naming one of the kids Bad Lesbian Mullet.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:27 PM on January 5, 2010 [4 favorites]

I'm hugging the bejeezus out of you mudpups, the goddamn nofoolin' 100 proof ironclad bejeezus.
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:31 PM on January 5, 2010

I'd forgotten about mullets somehow.
posted by Stewriffic at 4:35 PM on January 5, 2010

MULLETS: NEVAR FORGET!
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:37 PM on January 5, 2010 [3 favorites]

Now fucking hug me, dammit.
posted by mudpuppie¹

There being no hug button², I shall temporarily appropriate the favorite button for this purpose.

[+]

1: I just found out you can't write "posted by..." inside of <small> tags. I never knew that.
2: Pony request?
posted by FishBike at 4:44 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Thank you mudpuppie! You just stated exactly how I feel on this topic.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 4:56 PM on January 5, 2010

Also, Dude, LGBT is not the preferred nomenclature. LGBTQ-American, please.

Your queer and questioning friends need love and support too.
posted by beardlace at 4:58 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

gray hankie on left side: wants to hug.
gray hankie on right side: wants to be hugged.


Devil Tesla: If you play some TF2 tonight, I will blow you up.
posted by boo_radley at 5:00 PM on January 5, 2010

Your queer and questioning friends need love and support too.

Are you trying to tell me something?
posted by The Devil Tesla at 5:02 PM on January 5, 2010

cortex: "Man, next time I play Oregon Trail I'm naming one of the kids Bad Lesbian Mullet"

Fuck Oregon, Let's Go Find El Dorado.
posted by boo_radley at 5:02 PM on January 5, 2010

WTF!? This thread was posted HOURS ago and I have received NO hugs, no awkward yet clever cards from WordBoyDave, and NO pancakes. But I *Do* send hugs to wolfdaddy, rtha, arcticwoman, greekphilosophy, and and extra long-armed but fierce hug to Bradlands.
posted by pomegranate at 5:17 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I missed the gay flameout.

And I miss the flaming out gays.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:22 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

*hugs pomegranate with a huggy fierceness unseen since the Great Hugfest of 1961*
posted by darkstar at 5:24 PM on January 5, 2010

Are you trying to tell me something?

Just that I had to sit through a two hour lgbtQQ sensitivity training meeting wherein over half of my co-workers were in the l, g, b, t, or q category. You would've enjoyed it.
posted by beardlace at 5:47 PM on January 5, 2010

@beardlace what exactly was the point of that? Didn't they already know how to be sensitively lgbt or q, as the case may be?
posted by pomegranate at 6:21 PM on January 5, 2010

I guess it was for both the other half and to ease tensions between the ls and gs and bs and ts and qs, which does happen.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 6:24 PM on January 5, 2010

This thread was posted HOURS ago and I have received NO hugs

I know where you live. Don't make me show up just to give all of the house's occupants a hug, and then vanish into the mist like the Lone Ranger.

"Who WAS that fat man?"
posted by mrbill at 6:31 PM on January 5, 2010 [2 favorites]

I hug you all.

       ___                  ____                  ___
  ____(   \              .-'    `-.              /   )____
 (____     \_____       /  (O  O)  \       _____/     ____)
(____            `-----(      )     )-----'            ____)
 (____     _____________\  .____.  /_____________     ____)
   (______/              `-.____.-'              \______)

posted by Karmakaze at 6:32 PM on January 5, 2010 [8 favorites]

*hugs duncadunc*
posted by sgt.serenity at 7:22 PM on January 5, 2010

AW, HUGZ.

No more dumb homophobia-related flame-outs of awesome members, please? I love you guys all too much for that.

(Now, appropriately, I will click on a purple unicorn with a rainbow mane to post this comment.)
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:50 PM on January 5, 2010

Like D*, I had no idea about "gay Tuesday" as described by Urban Dictionary. Also, I haven't received my hug. I asked my hubbin, and he said, "it's not your birthday."
posted by crataegus at 8:09 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

PhoBWanKenobi - it'd be great if your customised "Post Comment" button also played the Unicorn Planet theme when you hit it.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:14 PM on January 5, 2010

Holy shit, Unicorn Planet is three years old.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 8:54 PM on January 5, 2010

My secret dream is that when I die, drag queens will dress up as me and have parades.
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 9:06 PM on January 5, 2010 [7 favorites]

I wish all teh gheys could feel the way I do about you, because it's a pretty damn nice feeling to know that homophobia will almost always lose here (at least to my standards).

I will say that this is mostly correct. This is a pretty welcoming place. When I said "to a point" it is because there are a very few people here who have said things that I consider, by my own standards, as truly warped as they are, to be homophobic, that have been allowed to stand. This is either down to me not being able to adjust my standards or my fault for expecting better from Metafilter — because I know it can do better! It's not something I'm willing to give a pass on, but I'm not going to get too upset about it because this place is just too much damn fun, despite its very tiny, if annoying homophobic element.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:27 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

Goddamnit, I failed to check MeTa until just now, and it looks like I've not only just completely missed out on Big Gay Tuesday, I just had about an hour of awesome, straight sex with my wife, which makes me feel like I've somehow really gone and made a right mess of Big Gay Tuesday.

Sorry, Big Gay People. I'm not gonna promise to not have awesome, straight sex with my wife regardless the day of the year, but I'll try really hard to remember Big Gay Tuesday next year, so that I can send hugs to all my Big Gay Friends on MeFi!

Feel free to move to Canada, btw. You'll help move this country back toward a fundamental belief in increasing equality on any number of fronts. Come up and enjoy a marriage, while helping cast votes that support public healthcare and increased rights!
posted by five fresh fish at 9:56 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

we lost Sys Rq and dnab

Well, fuck.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:59 PM on January 5, 2010

Come to think of it, there's still a couple hours left to the day. So having had a shower, and dressed in a heavy terry-cloth bathrobe, I wander out into the party and start hugging anyone that looks approachable. Mainly because I just like hugs and hugging, but also because I've got no gaydar.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:06 PM on January 5, 2010

When I said "to a point" it is because there are a very few people here who have said things that I consider, by my own standards, as truly warped as they are, to be homophobic, that have been allowed to stand.

There are lots of statements that are bigoted along all kinds of different axes that are allowed to stand here. The truly egregious stuff gets wiped out or called out pretty quickly, though.

I'd prefer that we allow people to say ignorant or intolerant shit here from time to time than to have a place where people just don't feel comfortable expressing their opinions, even when they're jerky, hateful or wrong-headed.
posted by empath at 10:11 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

I just had about an hour of awesome, straight sex with my wife

Dude, Awesome Hour of Straight Sex Night falls on Mondays in 2010 at least according to my own personal calendar. Get with the program!
posted by scody at 10:30 PM on January 5, 2010

just a traditional weekly friday seminar. no real tension or bad blood. one younger guy did come to the revelation that -man, you mean when i say man all the time it might offend somebody? oh man. ahh i did it again ma- i can't control..... maaan.-
posted by beardlace at 10:31 PM on January 5, 2010

I think it's a shame that dnab flamed-out with the statement that "Metafilter is A-OK with homophobes, and is definitely A-OK with defending the homophobes when some silly faggot forgets his place and gets pissed off about it."

That is patently untrue. The moderators have allowed at least one previously-vocal hater to stay on, although on a third or fourth alias now. And, sure, there is the occasional idiot user who spews hateful speech. But both the long-term haters and the drive-by bigots are consistently put in their place, and from a wide range of arguments and put-downs.

What bums me about losing people like dnab is that he was an important measure of our community. His sensitivity to careless, hurtful wording — let alone outright hateful speech — helped us all become more aware. Hopefully others will step in to fill his role; it would really be a shame if casual homophobia were to get a foothold in this place.

Must be hell living life so hair-trigger. Makes it so difficult to build bridges when you blow them up afore they're even really started. Vicious cycle, too, I imagine. Well, best of luck, dnab, shame you can't make it work for you.
posted by five fresh fish at 10:32 PM on January 5, 2010

Frankly, I don't really care what your race, religion or sexual orientation is, as long as you're a nice person who occasionally enjoys go-karting or roller skating with me.
posted by davejay at 10:37 PM on January 5, 2010 [1 favorite]

*hugs everyone*

(I'm pretty easy.)

((Oh, but way sarcastic, so watch it.))
posted by desuetude at 11:18 PM on January 5, 2010

Yeah, I've always felt that MeFi is very gay friendly.
posted by Nattie at 11:21 PM on January 5, 2010

Today was my first day back to work after the holiday break plus a snow day. As it turns out, I did hug one of my favorite people when I saw him, and he was wearing a very flamboyant rainbow scarf today. He's also very openly and outspokenly gay, so that worked out just fine.

Since I'm late to the party, and generally happy to give and receive hugs, here's an open hug to the lot of you. I give out hugs like Brandon spouses people.*

Personally, I'd love a Hugs option somehow, because for whatever reason happy or sad, sometimes folks just need a hug. Have we considered Hugs instead of Favorites?

* Not really so much in real life, because I work with the general college student public, but I do hug my friends. Also, I read the flameout threads to know what's going on, but they do make me sad. So, extra hugs to dnab and Sys Rq.
posted by lilywing13 at 11:33 PM on January 5, 2010

I find this place very gay friendly because we can and do often have long discussions about homosexuality and homophobia that are generally respectful and usually constructive. Of course we don't often come to a consensus or find easy answers - but at least the discussions are had, which is something that I can't say for many online communities I've been a part of.

It is a pity that we lost dnab, although he's flamed-out before, in such an emotion-charged way. I was 100% on his side but I don't think his final comment is truly what this place is like. I'm not sure what he was expecting - that all the comments he thought were homophobic would be erased - but until then I was happy that he and others were speaking out so strongly on the subject. Pity the whole thread went off the rails after that.

So Big Gay Hugs on Big Gay Tuesday for everyone - gay, bi, lesbian, trans, queer. And the straights, can't forget them - they sure do keep life interesting!
posted by crossoverman at 12:21 AM on January 6, 2010

Wow. I'm really glad I didn't read that entire flamout thread, because it was making me feel all GRAR with people deliberately misunderstanding each other, and talking past each other, and taking what were undoubtedly unintentional poor word choices and using them to define someone's worldview...

I'm also really sorry that dnab and Sys Rq have left. I have valued their contributions here since before I joined myself, and really will miss their insights (although perhaps not dnab's outrage).

How often does Big Gay Tuesday come around, anyway? Weekly? Monthly? I hope it's not just an annual event, because I feel all gay and in need of hugs more often than just once a year.

(Groping is also okay when you hug me, but if your hand moves more than three times during the grope, you have to at least buy me a drink.)
posted by hippybear at 12:22 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

When I masturbate, is my right hand gay?

Only if you kiss it.
posted by loquacious at 1:39 AM on January 6, 2010

How often does Big Gay Tuesday come around, anyway ?


As long as I am STILL in an airport waiting for my luggage to materialize out of the ether (not likely at this point, which is SO GREAT cause I stained my ONE SHIRT on the plane and all my other shirts are in the disencorperated luggage) I will keep BIG GAY TUESDAY Alive and well in Paris, France. Everyone just dance-cry the pain away.

(oh, BTW, in France now. The airport part of it anyway).
posted by The Whelk at 2:44 AM on January 6, 2010

Yesterday was hugs. Can we at least get to second base today? I'm tired of waiting.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:27 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

you need to marry us first.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:32 AM on January 6, 2010

NO TONGUE.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 4:24 AM on January 6, 2010

geoff.: "Oh wow, we lost Sys Rq and dnab?"

dnab always turns up. He's probably behind the couch cushions.
posted by Joe Beese at 4:59 AM on January 6, 2010

Well, Big Gay Tuesday came and went and I got no vodka. I am starting to question my belief in Big Gay Al. How can he visit so many condos, townhomes, swank apartments, and dance clubs in one night? How can he dispense so much vodka? Maybe Big Gay Al is just a metaphor for the spirit of Big Gay Tuesday. Maybe Big Gay Tuesday isn't about the vodka or the naps... maybe... it's about the hugs...
posted by Mister_A at 5:15 AM on January 6, 2010

Oh! I almost forgot! In Big Gay News: New Hampshire's Big Gay Marriage Law went into effect on January 1st - just 5 days ago! Now gay people in NH can get married, not just civil-unioned! And for those who already have civil unions, it's apparently a pretty quick and easy bit of paperwork to instantaneously transform that into a marriage. FUCK YES, BIG GAY NEW HAMPSHIRE!
posted by Greg Nog at 5:16 AM on January 6, 2010 [7 favorites]

I'm just surprised Sys Rq sided with dnab in that thread, enough to flame out. Bizarre.
posted by smackfu at 5:56 AM on January 6, 2010

Y'know, when the shower water is getting heated up in the morning, I usually walk over to my PC, check my email, take a peek at MeCha and MeFi beforing heading out. Yesterday, I saw this monster sized MeTa thread and just had to see what was up. It took longer than I thought. You fuckers made me late for work. I don't want a hug, I want some money, dammit.
posted by jonmc at 6:11 AM on January 6, 2010

I want some money, dammit.

/me gets out his checkbook

"Twenty....dolllars.... xx/100 cents...."

Do I put "same as in town" on the memo line?
posted by electroboy at 6:47 AM on January 6, 2010 [6 favorites]

A thought that ran through my head at the last Houston MeFi meetup - good hugs are good hugs, no matter the bedroom preferences of the person they come from.

Anybody who thinks less of me for getting a caring hug from another guy can kiss my fat white ass.
posted by mrbill at 6:49 AM on January 6, 2010

"Hey honey, did you know that today is Big Gay Tuesday? We're supposed to give a gay person we care about an awesome hug!"
"What's a four letter word for 'horse fodder'?"
"I dunno, oats? Anyway. Maybe when I get to work tonight, I'm going to go up the block to Gios and hug the shit out of some wonderful gay people. I dunno, maybe it should be someone I know though... do you know if Patrick is free for a hugging sometime this afternoon? Or maybe-"
"It's Wednesday, dear."
"Aw, rats."
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:55 AM on January 6, 2010 [2 favorites]

Wow, just finished the flameout thread and much of the initial thread that sparked it. Usually flameout threads are a gift that keep on giving all day long, but that thread just depressed me all the way around. I feel bad for almost everyone involved.
posted by cjorgensen at 8:11 AM on January 6, 2010

Tomorrow is No-Gay Thursday. Do not hug me. I will explode on contact.
posted by liketitanic at 8:58 AM on January 6, 2010

How do I hug thee? Let me count the ways.
I hug thee to the depth and breadth and height
that gays can reach, when cupboards are really high
For the cookies are Yummy to feed the trolls.
I hug thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet thread, by sun and monitorlight.
I hug thee freely, as gays strive for Right;
I hug thee purely (to your crotch my hand will not raise).
I hug with a passion put to use
In my old posts, and with my childhood's flameouts.
I hug thee with a hug I seemed to lose
With my deleted comments, I hug thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my favorites! and, if God choose,
I shall but hug thee better after my account is disabled.

*RIP dirtynumbangelboy and Sys Rq*

And hugs to everyone on this most somber and huggy of Big Gay Tuesdays.
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:02 AM on January 6, 2010 [3 favorites]

A thought that ran through my head at the last Houston MeFi meetup - good hugs are good hugs, no matter the bedroom preferences of the person they come from.

Agreed. And as you now know, I not only agree with this, but extend this logic as I see fit. Also, I can't resist how the adorable face greekphilosophy makes when I take liberties.
posted by desuetude at 9:06 AM on January 6, 2010

Also, Dude, LGBT is not the preferred nomenclature. LGBTQ-American, please.

I prefer LGBTQWTFBBQ, personally.

(Also, do those of us in the "B" category get love on Big Gay Tuesday or is just the Ls and the Gs? And now that it's Wednesday, who do I hug?)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:07 AM on January 6, 2010

Hey The Whelk,
Have a nice time in Par-eeeee! hope the weather is nice.
posted by bitteroldman at 9:30 AM on January 6, 2010

cjorgensen: "Wow, just finished the flameout thread and much of the initial thread that sparked it. Usually flameout threads are a gift that keep on giving all day long, but that thread just depressed me all the way around. I feel bad for almost everyone involved"

I keep wanting to jump back into the original thread, and then I keep deciding against it. The article about writing gay characters seemed like a pretty friendly one when I read it, and yet there are people who seem to find a heck of a lot of malicious intent in it.

At first, I thought perhaps they had just skimmed the article, or missed certain key statements that set the overall tone. But that doesn't seem to be it. And then I thought maybe I missed something that is giving other people that impression of maliciousness. But I've read it a few times now and not seen it.

I'm sure if I ask people to point out what specifically gave them such a negative impression, it would come across as a sort of hostile "cite please" form of argumentation, and would just result in citations of statements that I interpret differently anyway. So, no point in that.

Instead, I think they're just predisposed to view such articles in that way--just as I'm predisposed to view the same articles the way I do. I'm not making an "I'm right and they're wrong" claim here, just saying that I don't see how to have a calm discussion from such different starting points, about a touchy subject, without it becoming a heated argument. Well, it already is that, so I don't want to contribute to a continuation of that argument.

So, my point is that while some things have been said in that thread that I strongly disagree with, I can't figure out how to disagree with them in a way that seems to me like it would be useful. And I'm saying it here as a kind of belated Big Gay Tuesday apology from this straight MeFite to all non-straight MeFites that I can't seem to be more vocal in support of your our cause in this case. I suspect I'm not the only one here who feels this way, and I'm sorry about that. Really, I am.
posted by FishBike at 9:44 AM on January 6, 2010

Also, do those of us in the "B" category get love on Big Gay Tuesday or is just the Ls and the Gs? And now that it's Wednesday, who do I hug?

Of course you do! And you should hug EVERYONE.
posted by The Devil Tesla at 10:17 AM on January 6, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think Big Gay Tuesday is a state of mind. EVERY day can be Big Gay Tuesday if you only believe...
posted by greekphilosophy at 10:21 AM on January 6, 2010

hippybear, what kind of drink would you like? I've got a tab open...

And I'm totally bummed I missed Big Gay Tuesday. I'm afraid I'm not really up for a Gay Wednesday unless we can come up with another definition.

Is anybody still up for hugs?
posted by This Guy at 10:58 AM on January 6, 2010

I'm not going to get too upset about it because this place is just too much damn fun, despite its very tiny, if annoying homophobic element.

And I love you, too, Blaze.

XOXOXOXOX
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:27 AM on January 6, 2010

Awww, I missed Big Gay Tuesday. So here's a sneak hug from someone who hugs both ways:

(((MetaFilter)))
posted by deborah at 12:21 PM on January 6, 2010

Now that Big Gay Tuesday is over, may I complain about the word homophobia? Under what perversion of greek word roots is that word roughly synonymous with the word homophily?
posted by found missing at 12:54 PM on January 6, 2010

I think Big Gay Tuesday is a state of mind. EVERY day can be Big Gay Tuesday if you only believe...

...and click your heels together three times, Dorothy!
posted by crossoverman at 2:53 PM on January 6, 2010

found missing: Now that Big Gay Tuesday is over, may I complain about the word homophobia? Under what perversion of greek word roots is that word roughly synonymous with the word homophily?

I've never seen anyone use the word homophobia to mean homophily (or homophila, for that matter). Was this something that came up in either the writing gay characters or homophobia threads?
posted by Kattullus at 3:04 PM on January 6, 2010

homophobia, meaning scared of gay; homophily, meaning strong desire to hang around with people who are like yourself. Obviously different in meaning, but with crossover.
posted by found missing at 3:25 PM on January 6, 2010

It's interesting that the word itself, homophobia, is coming up now, because I was thinking about that a bit while reading those train wreck threads.

Specifically, I wonder how often it happens that someone is accused of homophobia and they dismiss it easily because "I'm not afraid of them!" Is this an impediment to change? Before a person can work on a personal problem, they first have to believe they have one, and if they're being accused of something so easily dismissed, there's no next step.

So now I wonder, do people use the word to mean "dislike/hate/rejection" (depending on degree) like I've always assumed? Or do people usually really mean it as a phobia, "fear"?
posted by FishBike at 5:27 PM on January 6, 2010

Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. It's all in the Star Wars Prequels - look 'em up!
posted by crossoverman at 5:31 PM on January 6, 2010

This Guy: “And I'm totally bummed I missed Big Gay Tuesday.”

I actually missed getting bummed, even though I was right on time for Big Gay Tuesday.

A little help, anyone?
posted by koeselitz at 5:51 PM on January 6, 2010

>Also, Dude, LGBT is not the preferred nomenclature. LGBTQ-American, please.

>>I prefer LGBTQWTFBBQ, personally.


Not everyone's American, how about LGBTQ - MeFite?

(Also, in New Zealand you'd add an F or two to that. The first one stands for Fa'afafine, I can't remember what the second one stands for).

It's Thursday now, but hugs for everyone.
posted by Infinite Jest at 1:17 AM on January 7, 2010

Hey The Whelk,
Have a nice time in Par-eeeee! hope the weather is nice.


IT IS SNOWING AND AIR CANADA LOST MY BAG WITH THE WARM CLOTHES!
posted by The Whelk at 2:10 AM on January 7, 2010

You can improvise a toasty hand muff from a freshly baked French boule! Just go for the artisanal, so you can enjoy it with brie later.

Bon courage!
posted by darkstar at 2:17 AM on January 7, 2010

IT IS SNOWING AND AIR CANADA LOST MY BAG WITH THE WARM CLOTHES

This is not the Air Canada I know. The Air Canada I know would also have charged you a $70 disposal fee for the service of getting rid of your bag for you.
posted by FishBike at 5:30 AM on January 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

If anyone walks past an Air Canada desk today, please do a favor for me and leave a hot, healthy shit square on the keyboard. Thank you.
posted by The Whelk at 8:11 AM on January 7, 2010

If anyone walks past an Air Canada desk today, please do a favor for me and leave a hot, healthy shit square on the keyboard.

Odds are AC would think the turd fit their corporate culture and give it a management position.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:43 AM on January 7, 2010

The Whelk writes "If anyone walks past an Air Canada desk today, please do a favor for me and leave a hot, healthy shit square on the keyboard."

Ya 'cause it's the contract janitor making minimum wage's fault AC lost your bag.
posted by Mitheral at 8:45 AM on January 7, 2010

Um... well, "homophobia" is actually derived from "homosexual", which does have basic roots in common with "homophily", in that it uses the "homo" to indicate "the same". The term should probably be "homosexuaphobia" or something, but that really is awkward to say, and I'm pretty sure that it isn't unknown that calling someone a "homo" is actually short for a longer word.

The way it came to mean "hatred" and not simply "fear" undoubtedly stems from its early use as a psychological term, applied to one's own fear of homosexuality within oneself, either inwardly or outwardly expressed. It's a pretty common idea amongst the gay community that it is those who most fear that they ARE queer who engage in the strongest queer-bashing behavior. Therefore, the transition from homophobia meaning "afraid of being gay" to being "expressed hate of gays" is a small one. As with many psychological terms, the meaning has shifted over time as it has moved out of clinical use and into the common vernacular. (Another good one here is "codependent", which REALLY means taking on behaviors which compensate for the lifestyle shortcomings of an addict. The vernacular usage means something entirely different.)
posted by hippybear at 8:55 AM on January 7, 2010

I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME AT ALL.
posted by The Whelk at 2:15 PM on January 7, 2010

I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME AT ALL.

Not only did Air Canada lose your bag, but they appear to have lost the entire lower-case alphabet! It's almost as bad as that time when they lost the most important cultural artifact in Canada the world, the Stanley Cup!

They were only convinced to find it again when Prime Minister Tim Horton authorized the air force to shoot down any Air Canada planes on sight.¹

1: This may not be entirely true.
posted by FishBike at 2:40 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think there's a pox upon luggage. One of my bags didn't make it to Lisbon until two days AFTER I left, the other one took a *mere* day after our arrival to join us. And every. single. one. of my friends who traveled over the holidays - no matter what airline they flew - had some kind of luggage snafu.

Have the underpants gnomes been holding up suitcases in order to raid them or what gives? Are there like, super sekrit security procedures gumming up the works or has every airline simply become incompetent at getting baggage from point A to point B even with AIRPLANES at their disposal?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:57 PM on January 7, 2010

When we went to Oregon last summer - it was our Driving Tour of Oregon and 10th Metafilter Anniversary trip - the bag I had checked at SFO managed to not turn up at PDX. It was the first time I'd checked a bag in years (and I did so only because I wanted to bring my pocket knife with me, dammit!), and they managed to lose it. It stayed lost for five days. Thank god for Target.

I'm so sorry, The Whelk. I hope very very much that your bag actually gets to you tonight. Bonne chance!
posted by rtha at 3:27 PM on January 7, 2010

GREMLINS EVERYWHERE!
posted by The Whelk at 3:34 PM on January 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

AIR CANADA LOST MY BAG WITH THE WARM CLOTHES

Well, duh. It was absurd to think there was any alternative outcome.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:23 PM on January 7, 2010

My favorite lost luggage mishap? Glad you asked!

A friend and I were on our way to Thailand for a conference. He was going to Malaysia first to visit friends. At the luggage check-in in Germany, the clerk mistakenly switched our baggage stickers. So his luggage went with me to Bangkok and mine with him to Kuala Lumpur. Neither of us was able to claim the bags, though, since our tickets didn't match them.

We worked it out through the airline and a week later, we got our luggage returned to us. Mine was missing four items: an alarm clock, a pair of nice sandals, a pair of khaki pants and my Swiss Army knife that I'd been required to put in my checked bag.

I realized later that day that I'd been burgled by a character from Sr. Seuss, since I was missing my Westclox, Birkenstocks, pair of Docks and Victorinox.
posted by darkstar at 4:53 PM on January 7, 2010 [4 favorites]

Um...for the purposes of that story, one may assume that Sr. Seuss and Dr. Seuss are the same person. (I can't personally attest to his credentials, of course,.)
posted by darkstar at 8:42 PM on January 7, 2010

The Whelk got his bag back! HUGS FOR THE WHELK!
posted by ocherdraco at 5:17 AM on January 8, 2010

It is very likely the bags arrived just as I was getting angry over the phone. God is powered by irony.
posted by The Whelk at 8:06 AM on January 8, 2010