SexualHarrassmentFilter

March 22, 2010 9:27 PM

Call out: what this askme poster is describing is sexual harassment.

I really, really dislike this post. I understand that askme is supposed to be a safe space for people to seek help for whatever, including compulsions. And I think the OP got an answer to his question ("is this normal?" "No.") But what he's describing is really fucked up and not okay.

I feel like the OP crossed a line, but I'm not quite sure what that line is.

posted by pintapicasso to Etiquette/Policy at 9:27 PM (17 comments total)

The OP is recognizing that he has a problem and is asking for help with it. It is an uncomfortable problem to talk about.
So, yeah.

But he's getting some spot on advice.
posted by SLC Mom at 9:31 PM on March 22, 2010 [2 favorites]

Wow, that got approved by the mods, eh?

Those hotties must be getting their jollies from this MeTa.
posted by paisley henosis at 9:33 PM on March 22, 2010

OP was chastised in the thread for it too, right? Are you asking for more against him here, or suggesting the question shouldn't have been allowed by the mods, or what?
posted by tyllwin at 9:33 PM on March 22, 2010

Is this callout really necessary, considering the response going on in the thread itself? I'm not sure what purpose it serves.
posted by davejay at 9:34 PM on March 22, 2010

Well, what would you like us to do about it?
He asked if it was normal, and people told him "No, it is creepy. Maybe you should seek help", everyone in that thread already made it clear that this was "fucked up and not okay" and the way the question is phrased looks like even the poster knew that.

So... now what?
Did you just post this so that we could have a self-congratulatory circle jerk where we all agree that this is wrong?
posted by atrazine at 9:34 PM on March 22, 2010 [16 favorites]

I agree that the advice is great, but these are questions he should be asking a therapist, not metafilter. I guess this is the push he needs to get that help. Good for him, but it disgusts me to think about the women he objectified like that.
posted by pintapicasso at 9:35 PM on March 22, 2010

It's good you let us all know you're disgusted.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:36 PM on March 22, 2010 [27 favorites]

Look, the behavior is not OK. OP recognizes this to some extent, and is looking for help.

Better for the community to say "This is not acceptable" and point him towards the proper psychiatric care, than to refuse to deal with the problem entirely, and leave a potentially dangerous situation entirely unremedied.

though that would be the American way to deal with mental health issues, wouldn't it...
posted by HabeasCorpus at 9:40 PM on March 22, 2010 [5 favorites]

Yeah, and people are telling him to go get therapy. What more do you want?
posted by nestor_makhno at 9:43 PM on March 22, 2010

Guess I'll just close this up.
posted by Sys Rq at 9:43 PM on March 22, 2010

it disgusts me to think about the women he objectified like that.

er.. his behavior disgusts you, he seems to be trying to get a bearing on what is appropriate and not and what to do about it. There is potential for real good coming about because of that thread. Perhaps we should just let it happen. Indeed, there is more potential good arising from him questioning his behavior then any bazillion of FPPs on the blue about atrocious behavior by (priests, cops, politicians, ....).

So, yeah. Bad behavior ick, right there with you... but good Askme (you would rather he stifled and let it brew?). I hope it is a catalyst to change his life.
posted by edgeways at 9:44 PM on March 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

All right, I hear you HabeasCorpus and Edgeways. A deletion of the thread would be a refusal to deal with the problem.

Not really up for a "self-congratulatory circle jerk" so I'm cool if this gets closed.
posted by pintapicasso at 9:45 PM on March 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

If the poster of the question was asking for ways to sexually harass women, I would agree that wouldn't make for a good post.

Instead, he is concerned enough to ask others if his behavior is "creepy" and if he should get some kind of help. And the consensus is obviously yes; reading the thread most of the comments there say what you are saying here, but more diplomatically.

The mods are doing a great job keeping people from going off on the poster and making sure they stick to answering the question(s).

So, AskMe is working just as it should. No need for a callout, IMO.
posted by misha at 9:46 PM on March 22, 2010 [3 favorites]

I don't think this is what meta is for.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:46 PM on March 22, 2010 [1 favorite]

Oh, well, all resolved!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 9:47 PM on March 22, 2010

Good for him, but it disgusts me to think about the women he objectified like that.

Oh, it's about you?

That explains it then...
posted by pompomtom at 9:48 PM on March 22, 2010 [4 favorites]

It's clearly a pretty dicey situation the asker is grappling with. I'm glad AskMe is there in this case to give him a chance to ask about it in a safe way and get frank and even blunt good-faith responses from folks; hopefully that will help him find some way to move forward in a healthy way with the situation.

Beyond that, I agree that there doesn't seem like a whole lot of need for this metatalk; if there's no site-policy issue in question or any other major issue that needs addressing, probably best to just let that question run its course without drawing extra attention to it. I'll go ahead and close this up.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:56 PM on March 22, 2010 [3 favorites]