Eating our own dogfood

September 18, 2012 12:07 PM

We are currently looking for at least one part-time moderator for MetaFilter. Apply if you've got a flexible schedule and have been a member for a while.
posted by mathowie (staff) to MetaFilter-Related at 12:07 PM (499 comments total)

I imagine the first interview stage involves a thorough going-over of every one of the prospective candidate's deleted comments and tagline jokes.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:10 PM on September 18, 2012 [19 favorites]

This is indeed a cunning stratagem to distract us from election season. I salute you, sir!
posted by elizardbits at 12:13 PM on September 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

This is like a King Solomon situation where anyone who applies is removed from the running, isn't it? I always assumed MeFi mod status was handled like MacArthur fellowships.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:14 PM on September 18, 2012 [16 favorites]

It actually was in the past, where you are just asked to join us, but in this case we realized we'd never hear from level-headed lurkers that might make good moderators because we only picked people that were on our radar.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:15 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

No, in that scenario we saw a baby in half.
posted by elizardbits at 12:15 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I imagined more of a Hunger Games scenario myself.
posted by The Whelk at 12:17 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

As long as it doesnt become an Abraham situation, cause that shit is fucked.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:18 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Would being a moderator mean I would get to replace peoples' comments with dick jokes?

Tastefully, I mean.
posted by etc. at 12:18 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

Or, you know, Matt shows up in an eyepatch at your house.
posted by The Whelk at 12:19 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

If you are accepting nominations for awesome mefites then I nominate rtha because she is the best.
posted by elizardbits at 12:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [27 favorites]

Before I apply, what's the company line on drunk modding?
posted by nathancaswell at 12:23 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

NOT EVEN ONCE
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:24 PM on September 18, 2012 [31 favorites]

....and suddenly I'm having flashbacks to moderating ezboard forums in the late 90s.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 12:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Drunk modding is best done with never more than slightly less than two drinks.
posted by Drastic at 12:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

Well I'm not sure I would want the job I would like the opportunity to go mad with power
posted by The Whelk at 12:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

I was given +v once in #quake in 1996
posted by nathancaswell at 12:28 PM on September 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

Yeah, I would very much like to see the Whelk have SUPREME MODLY POWERS for one glorious, terrible day.
posted by elizardbits at 12:30 PM on September 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

rtha is great, it's true. She can saw anything in half!
posted by Mister_A at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2012

i assume it would be like the sack of rome by the visigoths
posted by elizardbits at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2012

I did GameFAQs. I stared into the void. Then I got out and you're not dragging me back.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2012

Are you extending the flock, or is one of our beloved mods leaving us? :(
posted by Melismata at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2012

Can I apply but link to Miko's profile page instead so I look better suited for the job?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2012 [11 favorites]

All shall love me and despair
posted by The Whelk at 12:31 PM on September 18, 2012 [24 favorites]

Do we get to wear a sash?
posted by bondcliff at 12:32 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I nominate that dude with the funny name! Love that dude!
posted by Mister_A at 12:33 PM on September 18, 2012

No, but you get to carry a staff.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:33 PM on September 18, 2012

Are you extending the flock, or is one of our beloved mods leaving us? :(

Extending. We realized if two people want to take off for a weekend, the entire house of cards falls down, so it'd be handy to have someone around on a Saturday afternoon here and there to let mods keep their sanity by going offline.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 12:34 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Can you apply as a long-standing sock puppet?
posted by carsonb at 12:34 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

So one of the employee benefits is insanity.
posted by shakespeherian at 12:35 PM on September 18, 2012 [14 favorites]

This is like a King Solomon situation where anyone who applies is removed from the running, isn't it?

When a philosophy can be associated with both King Solomon and Douglas Adams, that's how you know it's good.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:35 PM on September 18, 2012

When this is all said and done will you make public the worst applications so we can mock one another derisively?
posted by shakespeherian at 12:41 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Don't we already do that?
posted by bondcliff at 12:43 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I second nominating rtha. She's extremely level-headed and thoughtful. Same with Miko. Both would make excellent mods, who would be unlikely to respond emotionally to provocation.
posted by zarq at 12:43 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

I have always wanted to be a mod but I don't want to get in fights with any rockers.
posted by The Deej at 12:43 PM on September 18, 2012 [14 favorites]

You know who would be great? Klang Klangston.
posted by Mister_A at 12:44 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

All joking aside, Miko came immediately to mind.
posted by nathancaswell at 12:44 PM on September 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

Whaaaa? Did anyone else apply and get an email saying "No, just no" ?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:45 PM on September 18, 2012 [38 favorites]

My reply was goatse.
posted by The Deej at 12:46 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

my reply was a short film of matt weeping inconsolably and swigging gin right from the bottle
posted by elizardbits at 12:48 PM on September 18, 2012 [11 favorites]

I think the new mods should be selected according to the Old Way: A schnecken-eating contest!
posted by Mister_A at 12:48 PM on September 18, 2012

So long as neither Miko nor rtha have shown up yet, I would lke to add to the pile of people demanding time commitments and forced passivity on their behalf
posted by Blasdelb at 12:50 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

Did anyone else apply and get an email saying "No, just no" ?!

not yet.
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:51 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Civility, not passivity! And they've both been civil almost to a fault anyway. BUT.

Neither of them can eat schnecken worth a damn.
posted by Mister_A at 12:51 PM on September 18, 2012

So... are you saying we get paid in dog food? Such luxury! [/zoidberg]
posted by backseatpilot at 12:53 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Mostly odor-free since `04!
posted by blue_beetle at 12:53 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

My vote is only that you don't pick a "level-headed lurker". If they can't actually join the conversation here I wouldn't trust them to regulate a discussion.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:54 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm curious as to how many serious applications show up.
posted by deborah at 12:57 PM on September 18, 2012

Damn my hot-headed participatory inclinations!
posted by batmonkey at 12:57 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I once told zarq that I would nominate him and he jumped out a window.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:01 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

For everyone who applies and is not selected, you can attempt to pretend you got the job anyway with this ifttt recipe that sends a text message to your phone whenever a new MeTa is posted. I'll be at work, my phone will buzz, and I get to be like, "Okay, what do those edge-case trolls want NOW?" and roll my eyes as I dig my phone out of my pocket. If anyone ever asks I plan to lie "I'm a community moderator on the internet" and make an exasperated face.

It's great. I've never felt more like a fake mod.
posted by laconic skeuomorph at 1:01 PM on September 18, 2012 [30 favorites]

That's called zarqfenestration (Latin for 'jumping the zarq').
posted by Mister_A at 1:01 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Young people from all over the globe are joining up to moderate metafilter! They're doing their part. Are you?
posted by octobersurprise at 1:04 PM on September 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

I would like to apply to be part of your MODERATORS TEAM, MR mathowie

I'm a "pro active and motivated" individual who knows how to balance teamwork with hard people skills. I'm often appladed for my vast communication and problemsolving skills and I look forward to bring them to you honestly NOW. I am a team player who shows up fist to work in the early morning and turns the lights off so you can rely on me "its not over until the fat cow sings" (epic chinese).

On my spare time I am a published author of several works of hanting and deep fiction Pertaining to star trek (original & tng), my little pony and fantasy in general. I also enjoy having deep discussions of philosophical and important nature with people and creatures of all ages races and planets.

I can give you the following names as references:
Alma Focison (grandmother)

Thank you please email me ASAP

Vernon Focison, Published author, star trek fan (original & tng), thinker, grandson
posted by Foci for Analysis at 1:06 PM on September 18, 2012 [42 favorites]

What, Meatbomb's been too busy lately?
posted by Curious Artificer at 1:06 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Man, I wish. I love you guys, would that I could be part of the team. *snif*
posted by Eideteker at 1:07 PM on September 18, 2012

Will it finally help me find a good used car?
posted by The Deej at 1:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I would just like to apologize in advance to whoever gets the gig for the inevitable months of MetaTalk's about how you are ruining Metafilter. Be strong.
posted by yellowbinder at 1:08 PM on September 18, 2012 [92 favorites]

I'm a self-starter.
posted by octobersurprise at 1:11 PM on September 18, 2012

You should pick me, teaching me a lesson about how difficult it is to be a mod so I will be nicer to them in the future. Also, I heard mods get free pancakes.
posted by entropicamericana at 1:12 PM on September 18, 2012

So are you going to take the top five candidates and let them guest mod for a day? That might be amusing.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 1:13 PM on September 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

The new mod must be strong like the Bionic Woman, and unyielding like an I-beam, in his or her crusade to stamp out the scourge of the grocer's apostrophe.
posted by Mister_A at 1:13 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Quidnunc Kid, your hour has come at last!
posted by Abiezer at 1:14 PM on September 18, 2012 [19 favorites]

Can we make the selection process into a reality show?
posted by thirteenkiller at 1:15 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

Could Junor Modding early in MeTa threads for going on 12 years count as previous experience?
posted by carsonb at 1:15 PM on September 18, 2012

So are you going to take the top five candidates and let them guest mod for a day?

Also there should be a breakdancing contest.
posted by elizardbits at 1:15 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I always assumed MeFi mod status was handled like MacArthur fellowships.

I thought it was like being selected for Skull & Bones. mathowie tapped you on the shoulder and said, "Moderator: accept or decline?"
posted by mlis at 1:16 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

RAP BATTLE
posted by shakespeherian at 1:16 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

So are you going to take the top five candidates and let them guest mod for a day?

Or take a page from Penny Arcade's "Strip Search" and turn it into a Reality Competition webshow... okay, REALLY bad idea.
posted by oneswellfoop at 1:17 PM on September 18, 2012

It's a walk-off.... IT'S A WALK-OFF!!!!!!!!!
posted by The Deej at 1:17 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Potomac Avenue: “My vote is only that you don't pick a ‘level-headed lurker’.”

First time in my life I've ever been doubly qualified for anything.
posted by koeselitz at 1:19 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

I'm a self-starter.

This is about moderating, not pyromania.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

May I humbly suggest the magnificent Antipodean Rennaisance bloke, Uburoivas?
posted by taff at 1:22 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

star trek fan (original & tng),

DS9 only, sry.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:25 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

What about Cooter?
posted by Mister_A at 1:25 PM on September 18, 2012

Now I'm blushing, y'all. But I'm so busy counting migrating hawks at the moment that I couldn't possibly accept.

Also, in truth, I am a cranky bitch who would likely banhammer just for the hell of it. Unless you were a cool bird.
posted by rtha at 1:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [27 favorites]

I'm afraid to find out what happens if I nominate Paphnuty.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

DS9 only, sry.

QUARK FOR GRAND NAGMOD.
posted by zarq at 1:27 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

My biggest weakness? I guess it would be that I'm too much of a perfectionist, you know?
posted by amarynth at 1:28 PM on September 18, 2012 [14 favorites]

I once told zarq that I would nominate him and he jumped out a window.

Thank heaven my fall was broken by those rose bushes.
posted by zarq at 1:29 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

Rtha, that's a perfect application letter. The job is yours, possum!
posted by taff at 1:29 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

When's the talent portion of the competition?
posted by 2bucksplus at 1:30 PM on September 18, 2012

If drafted, I will not run; if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve.
posted by ND¢ at 1:31 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

I would love to do this, but I would be terrible at it.


Which is pretty much the story of my entire employment history, now that I think about it.


WHY DID I THINK ABOUT IT
posted by BitterOldPunk at 1:32 PM on September 18, 2012 [54 favorites]

Sometimes... I care too much.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:33 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

ops plz
posted by exlotuseater at 1:35 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

It's one of those moments where you think, "Hey, I'm pretty reasonable." Then you remember flaming out in a hissy fit and slink away in shame.
posted by charred husk at 1:35 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

MY BIGGEST WEAKNESS IS THAT SOMETIMES I KILL AND EAT MY OPPONENTS
posted by Mister_A at 1:36 PM on September 18, 2012 [26 favorites]

You need someone who's detial oriented.
posted by scratch at 1:37 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

My biggest weakness is a large glowing red dot in my chest that appears and disappears in an irregular but ultimately predictable pattern while I launch missiles at people.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 1:38 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

I thought of KathrynT first (I am actually begging her to apply on gmail chat right now and she is NOT ANSWERING ME).

Then zarq and scody.

Then rumposinc, but I think she's busy being in medical school or something.

And anonymous would be a pretty excellent mod. Definitely an active participant on the site.
posted by zizzle at 1:39 PM on September 18, 2012

MetaFilter: going-over of every one of the prospective candidate's deleted comments and tagline jokes.
posted by ericb at 1:41 PM on September 18, 2012

I'd like to nominate Benito.Strauss.
posted by to sir with millipedes at 1:43 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Well how about cortex? He seems reasonable.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:44 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

I have to cut a baby in half to apply? What is this madness?
posted by Solomon at 1:46 PM on September 18, 2012 [16 favorites]

rtha: Also, in truth, I am a cranky bitch who would likely banhammer just for the hell of it. Unless you were a cool bird.

Since it's off the table, I feel comfortable saying this: I'd rather have someone who was introspective and conscious of their own flaws than anyone who wasn't. You strike me as the type of person who would take the job seriously enough that you'd be unlikely to act impulsively, even if someone really pissed you off.

Plus, and I mean this most sincerely, you have a good heart. I think moderating this place probably requires a ton of patience and empathy. My impression is that you have an excess of both.
posted by zarq at 1:47 PM on September 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

My only weakness is a list of crimes.
posted by daniel_charms at 1:48 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

I am a cranky bitch who would likely banhammer just for the hell of it. Unless you were a cool bird.

As we envision it, someone in this sort of position would start with a Junior Mod set of tools so there wouldn't really be any banhammering available but you could maybe give someone the night off. We have enough applications/options that anyone who goofs with this wouldn't get to goof with it again.

Some of the suggestions people have given are people who are strong personalities in this community and I would like to stress that being a strong personality isn't necessarily an asset. This person has to work for and with everyone including mods and the people you disagree with. We try really hard to not have our personal opinions come to bear too strongly on the moderating decisions that we have to make. We've never really had a part timer here for very long so we'd probably be somewhat relaxed about this, but for someone who worked here, even part time, people will always look to you as someone with some level of authority even if you are not working.

We don't need people who are super well-known to everyone, we're just mostly looking for people who can remain calm and who we trust to make smart decisions and be able to work independently.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:52 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

zizzle: I thought of KathrynT first

She'd be a great choice, too.

Then zarq

Ye gods, no. I don't have the right temperament. I also misread the community gestalt often enough that I'd be a disastrous mod.

and scody.

I like that idea!
posted by zarq at 1:52 PM on September 18, 2012

You need someone who's detial oriented.

Shouldn't that be "whose"?
posted by Melismata at 1:52 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

my primary weakness is the fact that i am an arrogant vindictive jerkface, probably. other weaknesses include inability to admit that i am wrong BECAUSE IT NEVER HAPPENS OKAY and tacos.
posted by elizardbits at 1:52 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

If I get elected, I'll give everyone a night off. Oh, and hugs all around. Vote daniel_charms 2012!
posted by daniel_charms at 1:54 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I don't have the right temperament.

Eh, I'm not trying to push you to apply, but IMO anyone who does the 'Oh shit, am I misreading this? Can I get an outside opinion?' as classily as you has exactly the right temperament.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:55 PM on September 18, 2012

If scody applies and is not chosen, not only is there no justice in the world, but the very concept of justice is fraudulent and worthless.

If she's interested, mind.
posted by boo_radley at 1:56 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Yes, scody.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 1:56 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I hope the popularity contest this thread has become doesn't deter qualified people from applying.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:58 PM on September 18, 2012 [60 favorites]

I'm so busy counting migrating hawks at the moment that I couldn't possibly accept.

At first I read that as "migraine hawks" and was trying (as a non-migraineur, although married to one) to figure out what it meant.
posted by Lexica at 1:58 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

OH AND TPS WOULD BE A GOOD CHOICE TOO SHE'S GREAT
posted by boo_radley at 1:59 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

Migraine hawks are politicians that take a hard-line stance against migraines, obviously.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 2:01 PM on September 18, 2012

Over at MeFightClub flibbertigibbet is a killer moderator. I ... I don't think that's a video game joke but now I can't tell.
posted by komara at 2:01 PM on September 18, 2012

Modding my own comments is enough of a job tyvm
posted by MangyCarface at 2:03 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Well how about cortex? He seems reasonable.

He's a loose cannon.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:04 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

I'd like to nominate Benito.Strauss.

Oh hell noes. I appreciate the compliment, but really I'm just a Favorites whore. I would be guaranteed to Not Handle Responsibly™ all the awesome powers of a mod. Plus, I have been know to confuse StarWars with StarTrek, and cannot reliably identify Jon Hamm.
posted by benito.strauss at 2:04 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Jon Hamm would make a great mod!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:05 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

> Well how about cortex? He seems reasonable.

He's a loose cannon.
posted by cortex

Just the thing to sweep the decks clean. Sod the men pushed overboard.
posted by benito.strauss at 2:06 PM on September 18, 2012

He's a loose cannon.

He's loose with canon.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Spock would be a good mod too. But he would need a few weeks off every 7 years or so.
posted by lampshade at 2:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Yeah I really feel like if you think someone should apply for the job, please encourage them to do so, don't campaign for them in this thread.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [10 favorites]

zarq: Ye gods, no. I don't have the right temperament. I also misread the community gestalt often enough that I'd be a disastrous mod.

I hear ya.

I am surprisingly calm and collected in real life with regards to numerous contingencies and emergencies. But I can't seem to maintain that on Metafilter to the same degree, so I either misread things or miss a significant detail that I know I wouldn't be capable of doing this job to community satisfaction.

Plus, my profile page is lame.
posted by zizzle at 2:08 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

RAP BATTLE

I second and third this.
posted by kengraham at 2:08 PM on September 18, 2012

It should be noted that when I applied for this position some years ago, the reply was, "Over my dead body!" Which was pretty much the way I'd envisioned it as well.
posted by ColdChef at 2:12 PM on September 18, 2012 [31 favorites]

They just wanted to give you a familiar working environment, I expect.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 2:13 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

My platform is combination of 54-40 or fight, and free favorites for all.
posted by Chrysostom at 2:16 PM on September 18, 2012

My best marathon time was under three hours.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:18 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

How can it take you almost three hours to eat a Marathon bar?
posted by elizardbits at 2:19 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Heck, I've made it through a ten-hour Twilight Zone Marathon (but it got tough halfway through Billy Mumy's third appearance)
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

How can it take you almost three hours to eat a Marathon bar?

I have no mouth and I must chew.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:25 PM on September 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

Jon Hamm would make a great mod!

An excellent choice as he already has his own enormous ban-hammer.
posted by nathancaswell at 2:28 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

I have a private list of folks who I think would make good mods, but they're probably also on your radar, I don't want to embarrass them, and I have no idea if any of them are actually available.

Actually, scratch that, let me just tell you my top pick.

LobsterMitten would make an awesome mod. You know I'm right.
posted by anotherpanacea at 2:28 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Yeah I really feel like if you think someone should apply for the job, please encourage them to do so, don't campaign for them in this thread.

Err... whoops.
posted by anotherpanacea at 2:31 PM on September 18, 2012

I nominate Blazecock Pileon so that he might smite the unbelievers with a tasteful aluminum and glass banhammer.
posted by entropicamericana at 2:32 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

I know this has been discussed here before but I think when you become a mod while your participation on the site itself may go up because of all the mod things you have to say, your participation as an individual voice on Metafilter would seem to go down quite a bit. Which is fine and as it should be, but maybe relevant for those people suggesting favorite mefites. I know mods still participate in threads on occasion, but I do kind of miss cortex and jessamyn and taz speaking as themselves and not mods, and similarly would miss the voices of all the people being recommended in this thread. Not a big deal probably and overall it's more important to have a good person's voice as a mod than as a participant really, so...
posted by onlyconnect at 2:34 PM on September 18, 2012 [13 favorites]

I have no mouth and I must chew.

Mental note: start band named "anal mastication".
posted by nathancaswell at 2:34 PM on September 18, 2012

Don't get me wrong, I think it's 100% correct and necessary that we would hire a part-time mods from within the community, but it's a bit like recruiting new doctors from within the chronically ill population. Who knows us better than we do, I guess?

SAVE US, METAFILTER MODS
posted by two lights above the sea at 2:36 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I totally did not know about this thread when I updated my profile. Completely serious. BRB: asking for winning lottery ticket and unicorn.
posted by Space Kitty at 2:36 PM on September 18, 2012

RELEASE THE MIGS!
posted by octobersurprise at 2:37 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Also, I would love to know the final number of applicants when it's all over. Pretty please?
posted by two lights above the sea at 2:39 PM on September 18, 2012

Also the ratio of serious applications to joke applications.
posted by daniel_charms at 2:41 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

She lives on forever in our hearts. And in our lulz.
posted by elizardbits at 2:42 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I hope no one submits joke applications. That sounds tedious.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:42 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Heh. If you pay me, I can get along with anybody. Even libertarians!

(I am imagining now a cavalcade of part time mods from past Greatest MeTa Hits. I can't wait for Bevets' day at the helm!)
posted by klangklangston at 2:43 PM on September 18, 2012

I was totally refraining from making a sixcolors reference. But if sixcolors was a mod? Oh man, I would COME!
posted by infinitewindow at 2:44 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I think when you become a mod while your participation on the site itself may go up because of all the mod things you have to say, your participation as an individual voice on Metafilter would seem to go down quite a bit. Which is fine and as it should be, but maybe relevant for those people suggesting favorite mefites.

That is why they are suggesting those MeFites. These are only favorite MeFites in the "bookmark" sense.
posted by grouse at 2:46 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I've MeFiMailed most of people on my contacts list I thought would make good mods (I know I left someone out about whom I'll go "D'oh!" later), and I think everyone else should too. Just so scody can check in and ask "why do I have 374 MeFiMails?"

And while mine was not a joke application, it did contain a couple jokes, just to soften the psychic blow Matt would experience just thinking of the possibility of me as a Mod. (I do worry that he hasn't been back to this thread since I hit Send... I worry he may be passed out on the floor from shock...)
posted by oneswellfoop at 2:46 PM on September 18, 2012

Don't get me wrong, I think it's 100% correct and necessary that we would hire a part-time mods from within the community, but it's a bit like recruiting new doctors from within the chronically ill population

There are two reasonable choices when hiring a community manager, most of the time: someone who knows the community really well and needs training on being a mod, or someone who is a well-trained mod and needs to learn the community. Both can work fine, but the larger the community and the less-specific the rules, the harder it is to do the latter. Metafilter is probably the second-most-complex community I've worked with, and I can't imagine bringing someone in totally cold. It would fail pretty spectacularly, and fast.

On the other hand, we have lots and lots of data on how any given reasonably-active member behaves online, so we can judge how hard it would be to teach someone the job. When we're talking about lurkers, we're talking about people who don't necessarily come to our attention - and our attention can be a baleful thing. People who don't start or perpetuate trouble tend to be less memorable to the mods, but may be better candidates. (That's not to say getting involved in contentious threads is a disqualifier, but we don't want to miss awesome people just because they're not in our sights on a regular basis.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 2:47 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

my time to shine will be when everyone else is dead in the zombie apocalypse
posted by elizardbits at 2:50 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

when the stars are right the form of the next moderator will be chosen
posted by The Whelk at 2:51 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

>I hope no one submits joke applications. That sounds tedious.

Describe your experience as a moderator: I HAVE A FISH. IN MY PANTS.
posted by daniel_charms at 2:51 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

You guys, sixcolors has been gone for like 3.5 years.

It's been that long? *checks profile* Sure enough.



I think I'm officially old now...my whole life is one big blur, all of which took place "last year or thereabouts".
posted by Nonsteroidal Anti-Inflammatory Drug at 2:51 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

infinitewindow: "But if sixcolors was a mod? Oh man, I would COME!"

NSFW.
posted by Chrysostom at 2:52 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm visualizing this thread as the scene in The Thing when they're trying to decide who's in charge. "Norris, I can't see anyone objecting to you."

When do we do the blood test scene?
posted by brundlefly at 2:52 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

That makes complete sense, thanks restless_nomad. Agree that it would be very complicated and time consuming to teach someone Metafilter from scratch.

I just figure that when the time is right, Metafilter will contact me about becoming a mod.

Has this ever happened? What's the history of the current mods? I imagine this already exists somewhere on Metafilter. Would someone be so kind as to dig it up for me show it to me?
posted by two lights above the sea at 2:53 PM on September 18, 2012

ParisParamus isn't doing anything these days, is he?
posted by Rangeboy at 2:53 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

Unless you were a cool bird.


o rly?
posted by The Owls at 2:56 PM on September 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

What's the history of the current mods?

I did that thing that business self-help books always tell you to do and that I didn't believe actually worked - I send in an email that said, basically, "You look busy! I'm a mod and I happen to be unemployed. Want to hire me?"
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 2:56 PM on September 18, 2012 [13 favorites]

That's actually pretty much how it's always happened until now. Matt needed help, he contacted Jess. Jess needed to ever take a vacation, they talked about ideas and Matt contacted me. We needed to bring more hands on, we contacted Jeremy and we contacted taz.

Practically speaking we could have stuck with that in this case by just doing a lot of brainstorming and blind inquiries, but this felt like it might be a worthwhile alternative approach that meant fielding more possibilities than "people we can specifically think of off-hand", so here we are.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:57 PM on September 18, 2012

I did that thing that business self-help books always tell you to do and that I didn't believe actually worked - I send in an email that said, basically, "You look busy! I'm a mod and I happen to be unemployed. Want to hire me?"

Amazing! You're a great mod.

Practically speaking we could have stuck with that in this case by just doing a lot of brainstorming and blind inquiries, but this felt like it might be a worthwhile alternative approach that meant fielding more possibilities than "people we can specifically think of off-hand", so here we are.

That makes sense. Thanks!
posted by two lights above the sea at 3:00 PM on September 18, 2012

Miki or gomichild.
posted by terrapin at 3:16 PM on September 18, 2012

You know, about half the site is just going to lurk, read other peoples posts and beg for favorites in email. I'll never win them over, so I'm going to focus on the other half.
posted by shothotbot at 3:17 PM on September 18, 2012 [15 favorites]

I did that thing that business self-help books always tell you to do and that I didn't believe actually worked

restless_nomad talked to me at a TX meetup and was basically like "If you guys are ever looking for someone... I have professional mod experience" which was one of those "File away til later" things but was good to know (in addition to her friendly email) when we needed it. It's hard to believe that I barely knew who cortex was when Matt suggested him and restless_nomad wasn't really known to the rest of us much before she appeared on our radar. taz we've been dying to poach since forever but for some reason thought she was already overemployed and we weren't really looking for folks until last year.

So, we wanted to give other people who might not have the same level of visibility a chance to get a few words in about why they thought they might be able to help out here. We have only sort of a nebulous idea of how this will work over the long run but in the short run we'd like for people to be able to take vacations at the same time without it turning into a ghost town in mod town and we've actually got some time to think about it before people are traveling so it was perfect timing.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:20 PM on September 18, 2012

I don't want the job, and it seems unlikely anyone would pick me if I did, but the ability to fix the typos in my own comments almost seems worth the aggravation.
posted by RichardP at 3:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [13 favorites]

I applied, as I do any job I see that I might be able to do, given my situation. Then I realized what a typo I'd made in my email, as I often do in posts, and went, "gggggaaaaahhhhhh!"

Despite having a typing certificate of 80 wpm on an IBM Selectric, with the advent of computers, I think faster than I type and I am horrible at proofreading my own stuff.

So feel free to hope me into the trash can! I'll just sit in a corner with The Whelk and elizardbits on the lake and all. Because I actually was a Zombie once.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 3:23 PM on September 18, 2012

I'd like to vote for assembling a likely group of candidates. Then, give them all swords. Tell them that there can be only one, then close the door. Anyone who argues over the sword they are given is automatically behea-, uh, disqualified. That's right. Disqualified.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:24 PM on September 18, 2012

I think faster than I type and I am horrible at proofreading my own stuff.

We are all terrible typists. Really. It just doesn't show because we have an edit button.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 3:25 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

And yes, I typoed and edited that comment.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 3:25 PM on September 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

the ability to fix the typos in my own comments almost seems worth the aggravation.

You are going to be a happy man this month, then.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:25 PM on September 18, 2012 [46 favorites]

oh god what

THE EXPERIMENT IS NIGH
posted by elizardbits at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

How about John Isner? Good stamina and celebrity to boot!
posted by klarck at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

Yay!!!!
posted by zarq at 3:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

THE EXPERIMENT IS NIGH

AND THEY CALLED ME MAD!
posted by The Whelk at 3:30 PM on September 18, 2012

ELABORATE PLZ!

Soon.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 3:31 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

we're getting a convenience store!
posted by The Whelk at 3:32 PM on September 18, 2012 [9 favorites]

Ah, the cat's out of the bag then. We need the extra mod power to manage the coming deluge of egregious test-driving-the-new-feature joke edits. ;-)
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 3:32 PM on September 18, 2012

the ability to fix the typos in my own comments almost seems worth the aggravation.

You are going to be a happy man this month, then.

AAAHHHH I AM FREAKING OUT MAN WEEEEEEEE
posted by two lights above the sea at 3:32 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Who is a viable candidate? Does s/he have to be in Romney's 47%?
posted by Cranberry at 3:33 PM on September 18, 2012

Oh oh, of course! I nominate Mittens!
posted by two lights above the sea at 3:34 PM on September 18, 2012

stop putting cats in bags man
posted by The Whelk at 3:36 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I have been training for this job my entire life.
posted by someone is wrong on the internet at 3:37 PM on September 18, 2012 [8 favorites]

the quidnunc kid as a mod would make me so happy I would die. Then, invoking the new modly powers, we'd all be banned for using the letter e and the experiment would be at an end.
posted by winna at 3:39 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

I'm wicked good at remaining calm in a crisis, tho'. As long as it's someone else's. Everyone tells me that.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 3:40 PM on September 18, 2012

Soon .

I was really fucking hoping that was a rickroll.
posted by shakespeherian at 3:40 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

Metafilter: our attention can be a baleful thing.

I don't know that I'd be a good mod. I have experience moderating a biggish online community, but not THIS big, and during my tenure we had a blowup big enough to make FandomWank. Plus I'm kind of overly-invested in being right and I occasionally get so mad at people that I have a FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!! experience.

Basically Metafilter has been a big part of helping me to be a better person, and I'd hate to wreck it because I still have a ways to go.
posted by KathrynT at 3:43 PM on September 18, 2012

The cats get in the bags themselves. Sometimes they take other things out of the bags first.
posted by maryr at 3:45 PM on September 18, 2012

I have no idea how these people got their cats into these bags, or why
posted by The Whelk at 3:48 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oooh ooh ohh pick me! Pick me! [/horseshack]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:48 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I memailed Pogo_Fuzzybutt b/c he is all about the tough love
posted by lakersfan1222 at 3:49 PM on September 18, 2012

Show and tell.
posted by maryr at 3:53 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sorry, disqualified for misspelling Horshack (unless you were referring to Twitter's 'ehorseshack' which you also misspelled)
posted by oneswellfoop at 3:53 PM on September 18, 2012

Show and tell.
posted by The Whelk at 3:57 PM on September 18, 2012

Ooh, this is totally something I would have applied for, at a different point in my life. But, nowadays, I appreciate too much the ability to read through a horribly contentious thread.... and then just let someone else be responsible for cleaning it up. Being a mod would take all the fun out of it.
posted by meese at 4:00 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

If MetaFilter created a new board solely dedicated to FPPs about cricket, collecting first edition novels, space exploration, K-pop, preserving rare apples (the fruit), geocaching, obscure Nintendo video games and the hazards of dating librarians, then I would apply. And probably do it for free.

However, due to the current content spectrum of MetaFilter, I would be tempted to delete 98%+ of the posts and comments as "irrelevant" or "you know what, take it to your blog" which may not go down well. I therefore reluctantly withdraw my non-application.
posted by Wordshore at 4:00 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Now that we've been given a heads up, preparations must begin for the new mod's official jumping in induction ceremony endurance trial "welcome" threads. I'm thinking simultaneous posts on: abortion, discussing a biracial police incident involving tasering a bicyclist, new refinements in kitty declawing, and a neo perspective on the Israel-Palestine conflict. And of course the usual spammy self-link posts, single link op-eds, and insightful election discussions.

Then we can break out the challenging stuff if they're still up for it.
posted by ceribus peribus at 4:01 PM on September 18, 2012

If MetaFilter created a new board solely dedicated to FPPs about cricket, collecting first edition novels, space exploration, K-pop, preserving rare apples (the fruit), geocaching, obscure Nintendo video games and the hazards of dating librarians, then I would apply. And probably do it for free.

Add adorable kitten videos and you've got the front page any day of the week.
posted by The Whelk at 4:04 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

When I was in 7th grade, I was a camp counsellor at a week-long environmental camp. They usually didn't let 7th graders be counsellor, but they really needed the help and I was a teacher's pet and So Mature for my age.

Readers, it is rumored that I was the only camp counsellor in the history of the program who was never asked to return for another week the next year. It's not like any kids died, but it was pretty horrendous for both me and the kids.

I mean, being a camp counsellor really isn't that hard - you don't have to teach them anything, or make sure they eat, or make sure they shower. All you have to do is make sure they don't hurt themselves or each other, while helping them have a relatively fun time. I always thought being a moderator would be like being a camp counsellor - aka, I'd be the only mod who was fired in the history of Mefi.
posted by muddgirl at 4:05 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

"Level-headed lurkers" is my new favorite phrase.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:05 PM on September 18, 2012

It sounds like a newly discovered sort of shark.
posted by elizardbits at 4:06 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

There used to be a process for selecting a mayor where I'm from. The townsfolk all make the choice from among them, and if the Chosen One refuses to take the position, the townsfolk burn down their house.

Simple, effective, and I think it could work in this instance.
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

In related news perhaps it is time for some nonhuman representation in the mod area.
posted by elizardbits at 4:07 PM on September 18, 2012

UNCANNY TIMING MY GOOD SIR/MADAM
posted by elizardbits at 4:08 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sorry, disqualified for misspelling Horshack (unless you were referring to Twitter's 'ehorseshack' which you also misspelled)

I was referring obliquely to the legendary 'horses hack' back in 2002, when every comment posted to Metatalk was automatically appended with the phrase '...and a pony' because of a nefarious javascript injection attack thingy.

Nah, I totally just woke up and legitimately got overexcited.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:09 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

You know what Marathon Bars are, you are all-too-human.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:09 PM on September 18, 2012

I applied. Seriously. I may even have squealed a little when I saw this thread.

Jon Hamm would make a great mod!

Oh come on, I don't think I'm speaking from vested interest here when I say, do we want a mod who drinks on the job, bangs his colleagues, yells at people, and disappears for months at a time?
posted by orange swan at 4:10 PM on September 18, 2012

ND¢: If drafted, I will not run; if nominated, I will not accept; if elected, I will not serve.

Where have you been, ND¢? Your father and I have been worried sick!
posted by misha at 4:10 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I would like to point out to members who are nominating their favourite members for modding, that modding invariably changes the way that person can interact with the community. They joke less, respond to questions less, participate in conversations less because the community expects them to be different and can't easily accept this is the mod-me, and this is the non-mod me. If you like someone's contributions, do not want them to be your mod - you will miss them.
posted by b33j at 4:11 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

Oh dear, I hit my favorite limit for the day way too early in this post.


Metafilter: we're talking about people who don't necessarily come to our attention - and our attention can be a baleful thing

Indeed, I fear the Eye of Sauron jessamyn.
posted by BlueHorse at 4:11 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Or on non-preview (very much), like onlyconnect said here.
posted by b33j at 4:17 PM on September 18, 2012

UNCANNY TIMING MY GOOD SIR/MADAM

A mere fluke.

(Also an animal.)
posted by urbanwhaleshark at 4:17 PM on September 18, 2012

Im fairly certain that a prerequisite for this position would be not having posted in this thread.

ah, dammit.
posted by davejay at 4:19 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Also, I was going to ask what the gig pays via contact form, but then I realized I'd be setting myself up for an every-mod-responding-at-once "$20, same as in town", so I skipped it.
posted by davejay at 4:22 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

My only request, since there's no need for me to apply as the effort would be a solid waste, is that whomever gets the job sends me a memail with a link to a screenshot of my mod-side userpage

$5 says it's a goatse picture.
posted by Forktine at 4:23 PM on September 18, 2012

Show and tell.

I can't un-hear this in the old Late Late Show SECRETS voice.
posted by maryr at 4:32 PM on September 18, 2012

I will take the job at a steep discount, because nothing ever bothers me.
posted by StickyCarpet at 4:38 PM on September 18, 2012

You are going to be a happy man this month, then.

SQUEE!!
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:44 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

My fifteen sock puppets nominate me. And I second their motion.
posted by zippy at 4:50 PM on September 18, 2012

I just want a job so I can have hot water. And maybe heat.
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 4:54 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I suggest that, whoever is chosen, you provide him or her with a username that looks exactly like "jessamyn" or "cortex" so that the usual "SILENCED ALL MY LIFE BY NEW MOD" abuse can't happen. Or is at least entertainingly paranoid ("is that REALLY cortex or is that the new mod pretending to be cortex and silencing me?")
posted by gingerest at 4:55 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Our new mod, cortax.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 4:59 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

My girlfriend is really good about telling me to hush because I'm making an ass of myself, and I'm even good at listening to her! She should be the new mod!
posted by klangklangston at 5:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

My cat does the same thing, klang, and you never listen to her.
posted by carsonb at 5:09 PM on September 18, 2012

cortax, jaasmyn, and matwowie
posted by The Whelk at 5:10 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

The cat tells me to kill. You're lucky I never listen.

(Also, are you working today? I need passport photos.)
posted by klangklangston at 5:11 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I hear Matt is handing over mod duties to RedState.

Yes, in the future it will be all mod cons.
posted by octobersurprise at 5:46 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

A real Mod Con would have way more paisley
posted by The Whelk at 6:04 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

The Quidnunc Kid, your hour has come at last!

What buff priest slouches toward Portland to surf porn?

"Level-headed lurkers" is my new favorite phrase.

It sounds like a newly discovered sort of shark.

Which will now jump Metafilter.
posted by jamjam at 6:07 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'm in the Central Time Zone. That's a... kind of qualification, right?
posted by box at 6:18 PM on September 18, 2012

I'm in the Central Time Zone. That's a... kind of qualification, right?

IT IS THE BEST QUALIFICATION. (Actually, we are excited to hear from people in overnight-ish time zones too, because poor Taz works all the time, but that "at least" in the post is serious.)
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 6:24 PM on September 18, 2012

camworld
posted by unliteral at 6:41 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

A real mod con would wear Fred Perry shirts and ride a scooter.
posted by octobersurprise at 6:48 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been a member for awhile, have the time, and I'm game. Jessamyn can vouch for me. At least she's seen me in real life and can verify that I can actually input random numbers and letters in the little "reproduce this phrase" box and stuff.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 6:50 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

If you want this choice position
Have a cheery disposition
Rosy cheeks, no warts!
Play games, all sorts
posted by Area Man at 7:13 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

CTRL-F "gerryblog"

I hate you guys.
posted by gerryblog at 7:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

I nominate quonsar.
posted by homunculus at 7:30 PM on September 18, 2012 [4 favorites]

HAi guyz wats going on this thraed?
posted by Slap*Happy at 7:31 PM on September 18, 2012

Good luck in your search
posted by Renoroc at 7:32 PM on September 18, 2012

"At least one"

Is there an upper bound?
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:33 PM on September 18, 2012

Box would be good. Crate would be better.
posted by klangklangston at 7:33 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

I nominate Sonascope cause I'm totally looking forward to eight paragraph long deletion reasons.
posted by Confess, Fletch at 7:34 PM on September 18, 2012 [33 favorites]

A real mod con would wear Fred Perry shirts and ride a scooter.

Or, for all front-page post deletions, would always use the same excuse: "Sorry, needs more Paul Weller." Which is why I cannot apply, as I would be unable to resist. Well, that and the fact that my HTML skills cannot even charitably be described as "good."
posted by scody at 7:34 PM on September 18, 2012

I am the very model of a MetaFilter moderator
Bannination brings me bliss; deleting shit, there's nothing greater
posted by Atom Eyes at 7:45 PM on September 18, 2012

My availability and personality are all wrong for this job. But, dammit, I really wanted the electric blue shirt with the giant M emblazoned on the front and the flashing green cape, and the sweet little dove grey boots.
posted by marsha56 at 7:57 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

That Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America guy would work.
posted by Chrysostom at 8:02 PM on September 18, 2012

I memailed Pogo_Fuzzybutt b/c he is all about the tough love

I have a gooey center!
posted by Pogo_Fuzzybutt at 8:06 PM on September 18, 2012

They usually didn't let 7th graders be counsellor

OK in retrospect, there's NO WAY I could have been a 7th grader. I must have been a sophomore in high school.
posted by muddgirl at 8:09 PM on September 18, 2012

Foci for Analysis:
I am a team player who shows up fist to work in the early morning...

Wait, what kind of job is this?
posted by bongo_x at 8:10 PM on September 18, 2012

That's a typo, bongo_x. Foci meant they were a team player who shows up early to fist in the work morning.
posted by Sidhedevil at 8:15 PM on September 18, 2012 [3 favorites]

MEATBOMB FOR PRESIDENT 2012!
O DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
I MEANT BILL THE CAT.
posted by not_on_display at 8:24 PM on September 18, 2012

Vote for me, I'll implement the edit window while all the other mods are sleeping.
posted by desjardins at 8:27 PM on September 18, 2012 [12 favorites]

I will also buy you all banjos.
posted by desjardins at 8:27 PM on September 18, 2012 [5 favorites]

Throw in a fedora and you've got a deal.
posted by Rangeboy at 8:57 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Oooooh, I would looooove to be a metafilter part time moderator. I would be available 24/7, work for about a dollar fifty, but the first time I had to come up with a witty deletion reason I would have a stage fright panic attack, resign, and need all the Valium.
posted by artychoke at 8:59 PM on September 18, 2012

Vote for me, I'll implement the edit window while all the other mods are sleeping.

Um.
posted by Night_owl at 8:59 PM on September 18, 2012

I would love to learn how to be a moderator, but I've never been in the right place at the right time to be given the opportunity.

Also I'm dumb and fail at social graces.
posted by Night_owl at 9:01 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

Actually, I have one important qualification - I live in New Orleans and could host all mod meetings at my house and drive you all to the Quarter in my minivan modivan.
posted by artychoke at 9:04 PM on September 18, 2012

OBITUARY THREADS MUST DIE!!!

You woudn't want me, because I'd delete every obituary thread as soon as I saw it.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 9:10 PM on September 18, 2012

I would be the best mother fucking circumsizing portobello buying drama queen moderator ever but I'm busy getting my cat declawing business up and running.
posted by Carbolic at 9:20 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

OBITUARY THREADS MUST DIE!!!

.
posted by ceribus peribus at 9:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [6 favorites]

For our fondly remembered obituary threads: .
posted by stebulus at 9:21 PM on September 18, 2012

Coincidentally, I was brushing up on my Metafilter history (like a good little 148k-er) and found this wherein mathowie is sad, and Mefi might close. It's kinda nice to look at this thread, in light of that. MeFi's grown a lot!

...but sometimes we're still bad at politics.
posted by undue influence at 9:26 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

With mods vacationing in the fields far away, with Metafilter's future under challenge right here at home, with our hopes and the world's hopes for peace in the balance every day, I do not believe that I should devote an hour or a day of my time to any non-personal non-partisan causes or to any duties other than the awesome duties of this office--the commenter in your threads.

Accordingly, I shall not seek, and I will not accept, the nomination of Metafilter hoi polloi for a term as a part-time mod.*


---
*Talk to me when it's full time.
posted by mazola at 9:30 PM on September 18, 2012

Wait... I've been eating dogfood?
posted by not_on_display at 9:39 PM on September 18, 2012

Will work for favourites.
posted by arcticseal at 10:15 PM on September 18, 2012

Serious question: Isn't there one time zone that's not really... covered as well as others? Ugh, I don't want people trolling at odd hours now to test this, but what about someone like Kokuryu, Flapjax at Midnite or P3t3? I think Goshling would be fantastic, too!
posted by Unicorn on the cob at 10:20 PM on September 18, 2012

that mod candidate didn't even mention God once in their platform also what is there position on where jerusalem is located
posted by klangklangston at 10:21 PM on September 18, 2012 [1 favorite]

(I'm really hoping this will be remembered in five years as "MetaFilter's tragic flirtation with democracy," and am willing to endorse any schemes to make that happen.)
posted by klangklangston at 10:23 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

May I humbly suggest the magnificent Antipodean Rennaisance bloke, Uburoivas?

Unfortunately at the moment I'm spending 99% of my waking hours on South Sydney Rabbitoh sites - that is, whenever I'm not keeping up to date on the seven spheres of knowledge: architecture, mathematics, Greek, painting, medicine, Latin and BBQing.
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:33 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

and nappies, aka diapers
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:36 PM on September 18, 2012 [2 favorites]

sadly, my schedule is disastrous. Also sadly, I am leaving deeply flawed human being, louise post using voice recognition im Android. At least this gives pass the problem of type a graphical errors, grammatical errors, since we all know the computers cannot make mistakes, backspace.for graphI would work for Metafilter for free since I owed this place more the money can we pay.

if we all use voice recognition we wouldn't need a minute window.
posted by pjern at 11:09 PM on September 18, 2012 [7 favorites]

I nominate Teresa Nielsen Haydn because I enjoy the pain of others.
posted by Ritchie at 11:51 PM on September 18, 2012

Scnd th nmntn f Trs Nlsn Hydn bcs t njy th pn f thrs.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:09 AM on September 19, 2012 [6 favorites]

I do hope Miko is interested. She would be a good fit.

Also, with three female mods I can imagine them coming into a well appointed office from time to time and getting their assignment over a white speaker phone from the never seen mathowie. His in-person representation would of course be a slightly more bumbling version of cortex.

I haven't quite worked out how pb fits into this though, so never mind I guess.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:22 AM on September 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

I'm not sure how I feel about the title of this job advertisement.
posted by infini at 12:44 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

A serious nomination would be not that girl: posts every 2-3 days, hardly any jokey one-liners, succinct, cool-headed, low profile, etc... you could use this comment as her resume, really.
posted by Ritchie at 12:46 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I haven't quite worked out how pb fits into this though

There's only one option left: pb is the speakerphone.
posted by pracowity at 12:48 AM on September 19, 2012

Comments every 2-3 days, I meant. Not posts.
posted by Ritchie at 12:49 AM on September 19, 2012

PB gets to be Bosley!!!
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 1:13 AM on September 19, 2012

Unfortunately at the moment I'm spending 99% of my waking hours on South Sydney Rabbitoh sites

League fans can type?
posted by pompomtom at 1:15 AM on September 19, 2012

Russel Crowe paid for the crayon transcriber.
posted by taff at 2:10 AM on September 19, 2012

I think I'm very glad the mods are asking for applications and not nominations and votes.
posted by IndigoRain at 2:16 AM on September 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

Well I, for one, think it's pretty disgusting that the current MeFi Administration is looking for one part of a time-moderator for MetaFilter.

Firstly: why the hell are they mucking around with the time-line? Do they seriously want to moderate the space-time continuum, making answers appear before questions, flame-outs before arguments and favourites before comments? It is just another example of how the liberal rulers of this site lack basic respect for traditional causality.

Secondly, they are only looking for PART of a time-moderator. Which part? One of the RUDE parts, I can only assume. Which is just the most sickening idea that anyone has ever had. Can you imagine - a giant nipple bouncing around MeFi, upsetting the time-stream and killing its own grandmother? Or a plump testicle, rolling up and down every thread and jumbling-up the comments to destroy all semblance of conversation?

In that context, it is obvious that the Lords of MeFi have become utterly detached from their mandate, and a fresh broom is needed to shake away the old dawn and sweep in some new cobwebs. Obviously 47% of users will not vote #1 quidnunc kid in November, but it's not my job to care about those people. My job is to serve customers at McDonalds. Do you want fries with that? That is my question to you.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 2:47 AM on September 19, 2012 [56 favorites]

League fans can type?

Yes, with our knuckles. Just need special keyboards with extra long cables so we can lay them on the floor.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:08 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

What's the pay like? If I could quit my job and do it, I would be interested.

Wait, I'd have to monitor the blue, too, wouldn't I? Nevermind.
posted by Grither at 3:38 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Holy shit - this is one of those " work from home!" deals, isn't it?
posted by From Bklyn at 4:03 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm now excited for the MeFi student council elections.
posted by Area Man at 4:48 AM on September 19, 2012

quidnunc's post is a giant Metafilter: tagline playground.
posted by michaelh at 4:54 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

the quidnunc kid: "they are only looking for PART of a time-moderator"

It's just an elaborate scavenger hunt.

Also, pb is IN the speakerphone.
posted by arcticseal at 5:13 AM on September 19, 2012

MetaFilter: a giant "MetaFilter: a giant "MetaFilter: a giant "MetaFilter: a giant..." ... tagline playground" tagline playground" tagline playground.
posted by kengraham at 5:44 AM on September 19, 2012

I would be a good mod. Every time somebody types "f*ck", I would helpfully edit it to correctly say "fuck".
posted by ardgedee at 5:56 AM on September 19, 2012 [18 favorites]

I'd love to do it, but this comment probably automatically disqualifies me.
posted by double block and bleed at 5:56 AM on September 19, 2012

Actually, that might not be a bad idea. What if you had separate green and blue mods?
posted by Grither at 6:05 AM on September 19, 2012

What if you had separate green and blue mods?

That's sort of how cortex and I started out, but then MeTa requires everyone and so do contact form emails. The green is a little easier to moderate from a "cut and dried" perspective but it also requires more attention. The blue requires fweer mod actions usually but there are longer and sometimes more awful threads. Since we're really not at the point where we have multiple people working every shift [sometimes yet, often no] this is one of those "maybe later" sorts of things from my perspective.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:13 AM on September 19, 2012

jessamyn You are going to be a happy man this month, then.

Yay! The 3-minute editing window pony is going to become a unicorn after all!
posted by mlis at 6:36 AM on September 19, 2012

When you go for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.
posted by triggerfinger at 6:48 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I'd apply but I have a documented dislike of SLYTs and some days that could mean no posts at all.
posted by tommasz at 7:03 AM on September 19, 2012

I have lots of posts that I personally dislike but don't necessarily believe they should be removed from metafilter.

One thing I do, which I've noticed jessamyn and others doing as well, is flagging a post just like a regular user. That may come as a surprise to people - that people with mod powers would flag a post.

For me at least it means "I don't like this post and think it should be removed but I don't trust my own judgement. So, like any user, I'll just flag it."
posted by vacapinta at 7:10 AM on September 19, 2012 [16 favorites]

The blue requires fweer mod actions...

I don't know what that is.....
posted by HuronBob at 7:17 AM on September 19, 2012

The blue requires fweer mod actions...

I don't know what that is.....

It's similar to hobbits, but with more fwee.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:20 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

The blue requires fweer mod actions...

I thought maybe it had something to do with Max Headroom, but Jessamyn just spelled the name wrong...
posted by HuronBob at 7:23 AM on September 19, 2012

I don't want to be a mod and I would probably be pretty terrible at it, but this really makes me want to make an Impossible is Nothing-style video resume.
posted by burnmp3s at 7:23 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

My best wishes to whoever asks for and gets this job. I've modded a smaller group and after that, I know I'd be driven to drink and/or therapy quickly.
posted by immlass at 7:36 AM on September 19, 2012

i dreamed that i applied for the mod job and then cortex and jessamyn came to my house in the dead of night wearing karl rove and dick cheney masks and beat me up while reminding me of that one time i mixed up YOUR and YOU'RE.
posted by elizardbits at 8:01 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

fucking nyquil
posted by elizardbits at 8:02 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I for serious had a dream where there was a new Metatalk thread announcing the comment editing feature but it worked as like a queue, where every edit that people make doesn't show up immediately but only after a certain period of time and only after the prior edit submissions had appeared. The thread was posted locked and no comments were possible but the Metatalk front page showed that the thread had a size of like 328456 and I eventually realized that that of course meant bytes, not comments. (My unconscious brain is also bad at math.)

Also I'm pretty sure my ex girlfriend was there somewhere but I don't remember that part so well.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:14 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

she was judging you.
posted by elizardbits at 8:16 AM on September 19, 2012

Also, you were naked.
posted by maryr at 8:20 AM on September 19, 2012

The Pink Superhero would be good for this, and the deleted-question notices is in her color.
posted by jgirl at 8:26 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

You guys I'm naked right now.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:28 AM on September 19, 2012

then why are you at work?
posted by The Whelk at 8:30 AM on September 19, 2012

"Holy shit - this is one of those " work from home!" deals, isn't it?"

Yeah, I've been seeing signs for PART TIME MOD nailed to poles at highway entrances lately.
posted by klangklangston at 8:34 AM on September 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

then why are you at work?

The goal is to get no one to want to come into my office.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:37 AM on September 19, 2012

You don't work naked?
posted by valkyryn at 8:38 AM on September 19, 2012

no I work in a star trek robe.

Science officer 4 lyfe
posted by The Whelk at 8:40 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

valkyryn: You don't work naked?

Wait, how do you be not naked? Drape some kind of cloth or animal skins all over yourself? Huh, weird.
posted by Rock Steady at 8:41 AM on September 19, 2012

I guess what I'm saying, mods, is that I'm already used to a professional work environment.
posted by shakespeherian at 8:41 AM on September 19, 2012

If zarq would apply and got the job, he could consult with the twins on relevant threads.
posted by jgirl at 8:43 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ooh, maybe the new mod could finally give this place a professional white background.
posted by klangklangston at 8:56 AM on September 19, 2012

I'll put in some terracotta pots and white chiffon
posted by The Whelk at 8:59 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

With those shoes?
posted by shakespeherian at 9:06 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

it's LaCroix
posted by The Whelk at 9:07 AM on September 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

That's also my excuse when nothing I'm wearing matches.
posted by shakespeherian at 9:09 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

matching is for people with something to prove (dons sunglasses)
posted by The Whelk at 9:12 AM on September 19, 2012

The Whelk: "matching is for people with something to prove (dons sunglasses)"

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
posted by Chrysostom at 9:22 AM on September 19, 2012

It can't be a joke, it didn't end with 'Fuck you, clown.'
posted by shakespeherian at 9:29 AM on September 19, 2012

Delete comments and FPPs
To let them know you are fo' reez
Best that no one ever mess
With the part time modder

US evenings and some weekends
MeFites are no longer your friends
For you are now
A part time modder

At first you will get some back talk and some grief
It won't last, soon they'll call you chi-i-ief
You're a poster by day, modder by night
Knowing butts lol's wrong, but feeling so right

Some SEO asshat will post
Deletion reason: "You are toast."
Go ahead and boast
You part time modder

Maybe you'll make the next podcast
Describe posts you thought were a gas
We'll all laugh as we drive to work
You part time modder
posted by SpiffyRob at 9:29 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

the moderator is in the Green
the moderator is in the Green

remember bans and riffs and faves
got to keep the users on the path
posted by The Whelk at 9:31 AM on September 19, 2012

As someone with a currently subpar job: if reading about RomneyGaffes on the blue last night and subsequently missing this post until today means I'm too late to even try, I am totally going to not vote for him even more enthusiastically than before. Job creator, my foot!
posted by Rhaomi at 9:32 AM on September 19, 2012

Because you, me and eeeeeeverybody needs a part time mod!
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:35 AM on September 19, 2012

theres a liiiiiiight

OVER AT THE METATALK THREAD

theeeeeeeres a liiiiiiiiight

FLASHING IN YOUR RECENT TAAAAAB
posted by The Whelk at 9:36 AM on September 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

Let's do the
Timeout
Agaaaaaaaain
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:41 AM on September 19, 2012 [8 favorites]

It's just a step to the extreme left,
and then a jump to the far right.
posted by maryr at 9:46 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

I am a dull and simple lad
Cannot tell filter from meta
And I have never met the Matt
And I wish I could have the pow'r of God
I wish I could be a part time mod
posted by infinitewindow at 9:48 AM on September 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

defend your comments
and insult everyone in siiiiiiight
posted by The Whelk at 9:49 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think I'll just move to Amsterdam directly. Or within a short train ride away. Then watch me do the bop mod or is that the mod bop, again?
posted by infini at 9:53 AM on September 19, 2012

Just throwing this out there, but if someone transgender applies (and obviously, is qualified), that could really be cool, from the gender parity prospective.

I also like the idea, in theory, of someone who doesn't fit the traditional member profile taking the job, because not living in an echo chamber in general is a good thing. But I can definitely see the potential for disaster there, too.
posted by misha at 10:31 AM on September 19, 2012

in just seven days

I can make you a mod
posted by The Whelk at 10:44 AM on September 19, 2012 [5 favorites]

results not typical.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 10:46 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Whelk: in just seven days

And seven flame-outs!

I can make you a mod
posted by Rock Steady at 10:56 AM on September 19, 2012 [1 favorite]

But doesn't the newfangled technology which the kids use nowadays mean that MetaFilter can make a mod, rather than going through the traditional hassle and expense of hiring one?
posted by Wordshore at 11:19 AM on September 19, 2012

Batty: Questions... Morphology? Longevity? Incept dates?

Hannibal Chew: Don't know, I don't know such stuff. I just do mods, ju-, ju-, just mods... just genetic design, just mods. You Yoogle, huh? I design your mods.

Batty: Chew, if only you could favorite what I've seen posted with your mods!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 11:33 AM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Wait... I've been eating dogfood?

Soylent Green. It's people!
posted by Sidhedevil at 11:46 AM on September 19, 2012

People try to spam our site (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)
And put the "fight" into MeFite (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)
Editorialize below the f-f-f-old (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)
And link to memes that are 7 years old (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)

This is my moderation
This is my moderation, baby

Why don't you all just FIAMO? (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)
Or contact us if you want us to know (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)
I'm not trying to wield a big b-b-ban hammer (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)
Unless you're a clueless Spanish ham scammer (Talkin' 'bout my moderation)

This is my moderation
This is my moderation, baby
posted by drlith at 11:47 AM on September 19, 2012 [12 favorites]

I also like the idea, in theory, of someone who doesn't fit the traditional member profile taking the job, because not living in an echo chamber in general is a good thing. But I can definitely see the potential for disaster there, too.

As much as we're in favor of non-traditional members, this would be more for the sake of having a range of types of mods as far as age/gender/nationality and that sort of thing, not necessarily a range-of-political-opinions. There is absolutely no reason to preference someone who is already known to hold strong opinions that are counter to the general mainstream opinions here unless they had some pretty amazing "calm in a storm" sorts of chops and I can think of maybe one or two people who I think fit that mold. Most don't.

We opened up the search to all members because we felt we might be missing good people if we just sat around and thought "Who might be good here?" but we're not really looking to put a new person on staff in order to do anything but give us more scheduling flexibility and make vacations not suck. With a staff of six-ish, hiring people is already a pretty big deal in terms of finding a good fit and there are other dicey problems in terms of having to say "No" to a bunch of people. I appreciate where people are coming from with their suggestions but hiring someone who is a very underrepresented member type here for that reason alone isn't something we're considering.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:13 PM on September 19, 2012

Found your new mod.
posted by Wordshore at 12:21 PM on September 19, 2012

I want someone who will buy me ice cream and take me to the park on Sundays.
posted by Meta Filter at 12:25 PM on September 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Fickle Twee and Queer LLP
Litigation for moderator abuse


Metafilter: It's fickle, twee, and queer.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:27 PM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

Afroblanco: "I think we should make Jonmc a mod for a day."

I want to do something with the lyrics for "King For a Day" here, but it's not coming together.
posted by Chrysostom at 12:59 PM on September 19, 2012

I can't believe no one's nominated eyeballkid. He'd be perfect, since we already know he hates us all equally!
posted by rtha at 1:01 PM on September 19, 2012 [4 favorites]

On the other hand he's not conventionally handsome.
posted by shakespeherian at 1:10 PM on September 19, 2012

la la la la la la part time mods
posted by klangklangston at 1:43 PM on September 19, 2012 [3 favorites]

Is that to the tune of "Kiss The Girl"?
posted by maryr at 2:40 PM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

They play their records very loud and pogo in the bedroom
posted by klangklangston at 2:47 PM on September 19, 2012

I just wanted to post an update since most everyone that applied has dropped a comment here. Also, it's hard to dig up every email so far and email everyone back with a "Sit tight y'all!" response so there's this instead.

We got a bunch of applications so far. Tons of awesome longtime members we had no idea had time available, lots of lurkers we didn't otherwise know, and quite a number of serious contenders. I should mention just for the sake of taz's sanity, it would be helpful if more people in EU/Asia applied, as we need someone from the US timezones to cover typical site activity schedules but it would be handy to have another part timer in a not-US timezone closer to EU time.

We are going through applications and will be whittling things down next week and contacting people then. We hope to get this filled by the end of the month. Thanks all for applying so far!
posted by mathowie (staff) at 3:56 PM on September 19, 2012 [2 favorites]

*plays Jeopardy theme music*
posted by Deoridhe at 5:46 PM on September 19, 2012

WILL MOD FOR FOOD
posted by MattMangels at 8:07 PM on September 19, 2012

"As long as it doesn't involve having sex with old ladies for money or bear traps.

Those are my two bugaboos."
posted by bardic at 8:57 PM on September 19, 2012

metafilter: sexing old ladies for bear traps
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 9:03 PM on September 19, 2012

Can we nominate nonhumans?

Mall Cop the Cat for Mod, 2012.
posted by spinifex23 at 10:27 PM on September 19, 2012

jgirl: "The Pink Superhero would be good for this, and the deleted-question notices is in her color."

She's great but I think she's a little busy with her newborn baby. There was a Metatalk thread about it a couple months ago.
posted by IndigoRain at 11:31 PM on September 19, 2012

(And by "it" I mean the fact that she had a baby. The baby is not an it. He is a very handsome little boy.)
posted by IndigoRain at 11:32 PM on September 19, 2012

George Clooney.

Too bad his account is disabled.
posted by mwhybark at 5:46 AM on September 20, 2012

Level headed lurkers only look that way because we don't tend to speak up often enough to ruin the illusion. We have our moments of temporary insanity just like the more vocal community members, but for obvious reasons we get to have them off-camera where they don't sully our nonexistent reputations.
posted by talitha_kumi at 7:00 AM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

MADAMJUJUJIVE FOR MOD
posted by quonsar II: smock fishpants and the temple of foon at 7:04 AM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

> metafilter: sexing old ladies for bear traps

Quonsar II, I was totally going to nominate you but you arent making it any easier.
posted by jfuller at 7:32 AM on September 20, 2012

"As long as it doesn't involve having sex with old ladies for money or bear traps.

Why would you have sex with bear traps?
posted by arcticseal at 7:36 AM on September 20, 2012

That's why it would be a bad job requirement, duh.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 7:37 AM on September 20, 2012

Why would you want to be paid in bear traps?
posted by stebulus at 7:51 AM on September 20, 2012

and where did meemaw find them???
posted by boo_radley at 7:56 AM on September 20, 2012

I seriously thought about applying, but then I remembered every single comment I've ever made, including this one.
posted by naju at 7:59 AM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I hope one of the extant mods gets a little drunky and applies with a sockpuppet. Extra bonus points if it's Matt.
posted by elizardbits at 8:40 AM on September 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

I think it would be fun if the person who is hired for this position was somehow able to take over the xBongzilla69x account for the purposes of moderation, shrouding their true identity in mystery
posted by showbiz_liz at 8:50 AM on September 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

We have our moments of temporary insanity just like the more vocal community members, but for obvious reasons we get to have them off-camera where they don't sully our nonexistent reputations.

This is, in fact, the knack we're looking for. Do not believe for a second I have not gotten into huge messy screaming arguments with half of you in the privacy of my own head.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 9:08 AM on September 20, 2012 [13 favorites]

" Why would you have sex with bear traps?"

Whats more, how would you even have sex with more than one at a time?
posted by Blasdelb at 9:09 AM on September 20, 2012

*cowers guiltily*
posted by shakespeherian at 9:09 AM on September 20, 2012

showbiz_liz: I think it would be fun if the person who is hired for this position was somehow able to take over the xBongzilla69x account for the purposes of moderation, shrouding their true identity in mystery

The original Dread Moderator xBongzilla69x retired 15 years ago and is living like a king in Patagonia.

That's the second time I've made that joke in like a month. Sorry.
posted by Rock Steady at 9:10 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think the next mod should be a million sentient communal spiders in a shark suit.
posted by drlith at 9:38 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

We've already got one cortex.
posted by shakespeherian at 10:02 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Ctrl-F "crunchland"

No matches found

crunchland
posted by banshee at 10:17 AM on September 20, 2012

I love Dave, but I think Dave would agree that he wouldn't be a great choice. Loyal opposition is more his gig.
posted by klangklangston at 10:48 AM on September 20, 2012

MADAMJUJUJIVE FOR MOD

gee, thanks I think, q. I would suck at a role like this so badly. It's a really tough job y'all do and you do it so well.

I would let all the bad kids party as much as they want and spend my time deleting frustratingly obtuse and wrong-headed political arguments that conflict with my own beliefs. Besides political threads (which would never ever be contentious on my shift because I would delete all that wrong-headed shit) it would be all art, all music, all kitties, and all memes all the time, everything else delete, delete, delete. Cause that's just how I roll.
posted by madamjujujive at 10:57 AM on September 20, 2012 [7 favorites]

Question: do all mods get those big donuts? Because that is a significant benefit in any decision making.
posted by madamjujujive at 11:00 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Being fair is really difficult, and will usually earn you the anger of people you once respected.
posted by mecran01 at 11:14 AM on September 20, 2012

I had been on a bit of a hiatus because... uh... I scheduled a meet-up and it looked like it was kind of not going to pan out... but then I failed to attend because my front door broke and I spent the day trying to get in to my own apartment so then once I did I was so grateful to be on the other side of the door that I forgot I was supposed to be somewhere else on the OTHER side of the door and I felt really wicked embarrassed and so figured the best thing to do would be to run away and hide forever.

Which is why I'm so shocked to get a MeMail from a fellow MeFite encouraging me to apply for the mod position. I'm really flattered that through my participation here I've managed to give the mistaken impression to someone that I am a responsible adult. So, thank you, one very sweet, misguided person for validating my own illusions of competency.
posted by sonika at 11:15 AM on September 20, 2012

No toad old lady sexing, for bear traps or any other incentive.
posted by filthy light thief at 11:29 AM on September 20, 2012

One weird trick to becoming a part-time mod...
posted by Mister_A at 11:47 AM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

lord_wolf
posted by cashman at 11:54 AM on September 20, 2012

I'm not sure we want to endorse the selection of mods from the landed gentry, Cashman.

It's bad enough that the mods aren't putting this up for a public vote.
posted by klangklangston at 12:23 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Cause you're so beautiful
Like a tree
Or a high-class prostitute
You're so beautiful
Mmm, you could be a part-time mod

But you'd probably have to keep your normal job
A part-time mod
Spending part of your time modding
and part of your time next to meeeeeeeeee!
posted by shakespeherian at 12:24 PM on September 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I think it would be fun if the person who is hired for this position was somehow able to take over the xBongzilla69x account for the purposes of moderation, shrouding their true identity in mystery

It's kind of you to nominate me, sister in the cosmos. I'll consider how best to use my strengths -- mostly the kind of hands-off universal love that makes us all feel more spiritually awakened -- and will submit an application to Mark Haughey. Thank you for the advice, and may peace follow you all your days.

-xBz69x
posted by xBongzilla69x at 12:26 PM on September 20, 2012 [5 favorites]

klangklangston: " It's bad enough that the mods aren't putting this up for a public vote."

Do you really think that would end well? Popularity isn't a great measure for how competent someone might be as a moderator. There are members who are genuinely popular who would probably make awful mods.
posted by zarq at 12:31 PM on September 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

I think it should be decided via bloodsport.
posted by elizardbits at 12:36 PM on September 20, 2012

each of you has in your hands, a deadly weapon.
posted by The Whelk at 12:36 PM on September 20, 2012

MATHOWIE:

Now, our operation is small, but there's a lot of potential for aggressive expansion. So, which one you fine ladies or gentlemen would like to join our team? Oh, there's only one spot open right now, so we're going to have... tryouts.

[snaps a pool cue in half and drops one of the jagged ends on the floor]

Make it fast.
posted by Mooski at 12:41 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

Synchronized swimming to the death.
posted by Holy Zarquon's Singing Fish at 12:42 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

TO THE DEATH
posted by The Whelk at 12:44 PM on September 20, 2012

elizardbits: "I think it should be decided via bloodsport."

We'd know how to deal with the bodies, at least.
posted by zarq at 12:49 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I can't begin to describe how much I don't want this job. I'll be praying for whoever gets it. Also, I seriously need to get on that cookie-sending business now that the weather has cooled down.
posted by SMPA at 12:54 PM on September 20, 2012

I would wager that a paycheck helps ease the horrible burden.

You'd be surprised.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:02 PM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

A paycheck and cookies?
posted by shakespeherian at 1:09 PM on September 20, 2012

no you are paid in cookies
posted by The Whelk at 1:12 PM on September 20, 2012

I don't even know what the landed gentry means, but I am sorry for making that comment, because I'd even read the previous ones saying not to. So lord_wolf, if you can just delete that comment, that'd be great.
posted by cashman at 1:13 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

no you are paid in cookies

Gulp. Where do I sign up, again?
posted by cashman at 1:13 PM on September 20, 2012

the terrible secret is that you are paid in Hydrox, not Oreos
posted by The Whelk at 1:14 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

wait a second

On the cookie's 100th anniversary, Kellogg's resumed distribution of Hydrox under the Sunshine label, with the first batches shipped in late August 2008. Hydrox aficionados had bombarded Kellogg's with thousands of phone calls and an on-line petition asking that production resume. The recipe was slightly altered from the original; trans-fats were removed.[4] The cookies were to be available nationally for a limited time, and less than a year later Kellogg's had removed Hydrox from their web site.

holy crap cookie fandom drama exists
posted by The Whelk at 1:15 PM on September 20, 2012

I got the joke, klang!

lord_wolf, cashman.
posted by carsonb at 1:18 PM on September 20, 2012

Oh god does it.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:18 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Paycheck and unlimited supply of single malt Scotch.

Seriously, though. I did think about this for a little bit. Then I thought back to the couple years I spent as a dayleader for the hawkwatch thing I do, and how doing that really changed how I felt about hawkwatching, mostly because as a dayleader my role went from "look for birds, ID them, call them to the data recorder" to "Manage All The Things.....and oh yeah, look at birds if you get a chance."

I realized that I'm happy as just a hawkwatcher. I help out with the managing and teaching stuff where needed, but mostly, I just find, ID, and count.

And I like my relationship with this site and its people the way it is, and I think that even if I'd make the most perfect mod ever (and I surely wouldn't), I wouldn't like the change that that would bring.
posted by rtha at 1:19 PM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

"Do you really think that would end well? Popularity isn't a great measure for how competent someone might be as a moderator. There are members who are genuinely popular who would probably make awful mods."

What you expect us to muddle on with an entrenched aristocracy who have even said in this thread that being a mod means that they can't converse with the rabble anymore?

Short of teaching a robot to delete posts and comments with ruthless objectivity, putting every single decision mods make up to a popular vote is the only way to preserve the MetaFilter we all love.

Tragic flirtation with democracy, indeed.
posted by klangklangston at 1:33 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

Also, Hydrox were always better than Oreos. HYDROX FOREVER!
posted by klangklangston at 1:34 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been an AOP; I've been an SOP. But I've also been a rocker, and once a rocker, always a rocker. I still like The Who and cortex though.

Anyway, it would be nice if we could refrain as a community from "[new mod] (deleted my snowflake post and) is ruining the site" MeTas. The mudslinging was a bit of an embarrassment during the first weeks of restless_nomad and taz.
posted by ersatz at 1:46 PM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

Tragic flirtation with democracy, indeed.

Do They Life Me?
Fourth of Akhet, 350 B.C. Late Afternoon Subscribe

Dear AskMe,
There's this new political system that just starting working in the country next to me. Its a bit loud and obnoxious, but funny. I'm totally crushing on it, but not sure if they're feeling the same. What should I do?

posted by ancientegypt to relationshps [add to favorites] [!]
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:10 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I've been an AOP; I've been an SOP. But I've also been a rocker, and once a rocker, always a rocker.

Are you a joker, a smoker, or a midnight toker?
posted by Melismata at 2:14 PM on September 20, 2012

I can't believe we've gotten this far in the thread without anyone suggesting that robocop is bleeding moderate, consulting The Wheel before any mod-ly decision is made.
posted by .kobayashi. at 2:17 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

If the mods are okay with releasing the data and if cortex felt like doing the work, it'd be super interesting to see an after-the-fact breakdown of applicants in terms of how many people applied, what their average/median join dates were, their relative participation levels, etc.
posted by Phire at 2:51 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I was crushed and appalled to discover last week that Steve Miller Band actually had an entire other song specifically about being a space cowboy.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:56 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

This sounds at once fascinating (Help the site I probably go to more than any other) and terrifying (Get crushed under the load, have to resort to being Spiderman to try to lift it).

On the other hand, I've only just started getting comfortable with the idea of posting comments (though I've lurked endlessly), and I live in Oregon, so there wouldn't be any timezone advantage.

Some of my friends know only of this site as That site CrystalDave is on all the time, and where he gets all those strange links about cat videos. I still don't know how he got them wedged in those scanners...
posted by CrystalDave at 3:03 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

"Hydrox" is seriously the worst extant name for a cookie. You know what's really appetizing? Chemicals. Yeah, let's name our cookie after a chemical. Ugh. They might as well have called it "Tetramethylbenzene" or some shit like that.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 3:17 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

I was crushed and appalled to discover last week that Steve Miller Band actually had an entire other song specifically about being a space cowboy.

I bet you weren't ready for that.
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 3:52 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

If y'all had posted this a few months ago when I was full time modding for the OMG Social Media Scary company, I would have been all over it.
posted by zennie at 4:32 PM on September 20, 2012

I'm not sure I should do it in-thread, but I would like to nominate le morte de bea arthur for Maude.
posted by maryr at 4:52 PM on September 20, 2012 [1 favorite]

You know what's really appetizing? Chemicals.

I just ate C12H22O11 for science. It was yummy.
posted by ersatz at 5:20 PM on September 20, 2012

True story: I was once thrown off of the Student Council (which in our elementary school meant "Hall Monitors") for being too nice*.

Hard to believe these days, isn't it?

*If I saw a kid running through the halls I would just say, "Hey now, walk, don't run!" instead of making them come back to the end of the hall and walk the entire length all over again. Pffbt.
posted by misha at 5:21 PM on September 20, 2012

This is, in fact, the knack we're looking for. Do not believe for a second I have not gotten into huge messy screaming arguments with half of you in the privacy of my own head.

I hope it was my good half.

My bad half just drools a lot and eats raw cookie dough.
posted by Deoridhe at 5:29 PM on September 20, 2012

After a couple of years as co-moderator of a particularly volatile community forum, the other moderators (who also owned the website) asked me if I could write down advice for future mods. After a whole weekend of drafting, thinking and many cups of tea, all I finished up with was seven words.

Don't take it personally. Any of it.
posted by Wordshore at 6:01 PM on September 20, 2012 [3 favorites]

Unfortunately at the moment I'm spending 99% of my waking hours on South Sydney Rabbitoh sites
League fans can type?
League fans can read?
posted by dg at 8:20 PM on September 20, 2012

holy crap cookie fandom drama exists

Do you not remember the (partial) death of Mothers Cookies? I do, and I'm not the only one.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:36 PM on September 20, 2012 [2 favorites]

I'm pretty dead inside, I'll do it.

You would be surprised how often that phrase has helped me career-wise.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:34 PM on September 20, 2012 [6 favorites]

There have been a number of occasions where, in a heated argument, some point needs to be made forcefully, and Miko has been one to step up, and has been very, very good at it. In some cases I think she'd had had pressure to hold back had she been a mod. She does also seem to have a capacity for exceedingly patient and gentle conversation even with the thickest of skulls, which is one reason I agree that she'd pretty surely be a wonderful moderator. But for the community I suppose there would indeed be a tradeoff.
posted by Anything at 2:01 AM on September 21, 2012

thickest of skulls

Mine included, mind you.
posted by Anything at 2:16 AM on September 21, 2012

mathowie has already signaled that a member from outside the US is preferred:

it would be helpful if more people in EU/Asia applied. . .it would be handy to have another part timer in a not-US timezone closer to EU time.

Reading the tea leaves, I am guaranteeing it is someone from EU/Asia/Australia or New Zealand.
posted by mlis at 2:25 AM on September 21, 2012

Special consideration will also be given to applicants on Mars time.
posted by ceribus peribus at 4:02 AM on September 21, 2012

mathowie has already signaled that a member from outside the US is preferred:

it would be helpful if more people in EU/Asia applied. . .it would be handy to have another part timer in a not-US timezone closer to EU time.

Reading the tea leaves, I am guaranteeing it is someone from EU/Asia/Australia or New Zealand.

Or someone who just stays up till all hours of the morning
posted by showbiz_liz at 5:44 AM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Guaranteeing?
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:02 AM on September 21, 2012

Reading the tea leaves, I am guaranteeing...

Guaranteeing?

No. Guaran-tea-ing.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:45 AM on September 21, 2012

> holy crap cookie fandom drama exists

Therefore, there is porn about it.
posted by jfuller at 6:50 AM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Maybe the new mod could spend an hour a week in 10 minute bursts updating the sidebar and the "best of" blog -- it seems there are so many cool comments which fall under the radar, maybe often in low-activity threads, that could be brought forward. I guess they call this "curation" these days. Anyway, that'd really be the biggest improvement for me from a user perspective, vs. more deletion of fighty lulz which I can easily ignore anyway.

You know, maybe finding like six trusted volunteers or something to post to the "best of blog" would be an idea too?
posted by Rumple at 11:28 AM on September 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Rumple: " You know, maybe finding like six trusted volunteers or something to post to the "best of blog" would be an idea too?"

That would be fun to do. I'd totally volunteer for that.

Suggest that it be given a queue though, so someone on the mod team can glance over entries before they go live.
posted by zarq at 12:45 PM on September 21, 2012 [2 favorites]

Whomever WE VOTE IN should be really good at hugs. I demand independent confirmation of the new mod's hug ability! Preferably from the Congressional Hug Office, an under used department of late.
posted by klangklangston at 1:50 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sounds great on paper but a few years later we're all watching C-SPAN coverage of some really dispiriting Senate hearings probing the whole performance-enhancing hugs scandal.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:32 PM on September 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

In retrospect, those 8-foot long arms should have been a warning sign.
posted by klangklangston at 8:01 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

Hugs not on Drugs
posted by maryr at 9:51 PM on September 21, 2012 [1 favorite]

I nominate Amanda Palmer. Pay her with a t-shirt and a free beer at any meetup she wants to attend.
posted by maxwelton at 10:46 PM on September 21, 2012 [4 favorites]

Fi fie fo fum, I smell smoke signals asking for my special services...
posted by hugbucket at 11:52 PM on September 21, 2012

My sockpuppet tells you that I can't believe I logged out for this
posted by hugbucket at 11:53 PM on September 21, 2012

Whomever WE VOTE IN should be really good at hugs.

I'm totally good at hugging men I think are hot!
posted by orange swan at 2:51 AM on September 22, 2012

Unfortunately, mods are required to hug some real uglors.
posted by klangklangston at 9:06 AM on September 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

deer mods,

pls gibe me admen or i repote u huehuehue
posted by Evernix at 9:04 PM on September 22, 2012 [2 favorites]

Deer Mods: The Buck Stops Here.
posted by maryr at 10:01 PM on September 22, 2012

Deer Mods: They're Just In It for the Doe.
posted by box at 7:33 AM on September 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Sounds like something you'd do to soup up your moped or something. The Deer Mod of fourleggers union or some such.
posted by infini at 12:45 PM on September 23, 2012

This is nice, everythings open and people feel included in the process....you know, community and stuff. Good to see.
posted by sgt.serenity at 2:25 PM on September 23, 2012

Deer Mods: All Hart
posted by maryr at 4:25 PM on September 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

I think it goes without saying that the new mod must not small of barley water.
posted by mr. digits at 5:20 PM on September 23, 2012 [3 favorites]

(smell, ahem)
posted by mr. digits at 5:21 PM on September 23, 2012

Ah, the cat's out of the bag then. We need the extra mod power to manage the coming deluge of egregious test-driving-the-new-feature joke edits. ;-)

I was actually thinking over my schedule until I got to this part. Good luck, new mod -- we're all counting on you!
posted by Devils Rancher at 9:29 PM on September 23, 2012

I nominate Languagehat.
posted by crunchland at 12:45 PM on September 24, 2012

I nominate Languagehat.

And I guarantee you would see the biggest shitstorm of your life if this came to pass.
posted by Wolof at 1:45 AM on September 25, 2012

muddgirl:Readers, it is rumored that I was the only camp counsellor in the history of the program who was never asked to return for another week the next year. It's not like any kids died, but it was pretty horrendous for both me and the kids.

Now I really want to know what went down. Did you convince them all to follow you in a cult like religion? Set one against another in dorm cage fights?
posted by pharm at 4:11 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

Just general incompetence, not competent malice. At least the kids would have had fun joining a cult or ripping each other's hair out.
posted by muddgirl at 5:33 AM on September 25, 2012

And I guarantee you would see the biggest shitstorm of your life if this came to pass. -- I think we're going to see one no matter what. Even if they pick the Dalai Lama, there will be people who will complain about the noob mod.
posted by crunchland at 7:26 AM on September 25, 2012

Even if they pick the Dalai Lama, there will be people who will complain about the noob mod.

I talked to mathowie about taking on the mod job, and he said, "Oh, uh, you can't be a mod, but when you log out, when you push the big red button, you will receive total consciousness." So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
posted by anotherpanacea at 10:09 AM on September 25, 2012 [1 favorite]

crunchland:
"Even if they pick the Dalai Lama, there will be people who will complain about the noob mod."

So what you're saying is that you could be the Dali Lama but you'll still lay it on ya?
posted by charred husk at 10:25 AM on September 25, 2012 [3 favorites]

So what you're saying is that you could be the Dali Lama but you'll still lay it on ya?

That is still the best song ever.
posted by restless_nomad (staff) at 10:52 AM on September 25, 2012

Don't accidentally choose the Dolly Llama.
posted by Devils Rancher at 11:03 AM on September 25, 2012

I nominate Chuck the cat. She clearly has the patience necessary for the job.
posted by homunculus at 10:54 PM on September 25, 2012

I'm sure it's somewhere here in the archives of MetaTalk, but I totally missed the edit window test of '08.

But I'm not missing that it's after 8pm PST, so there are less than 4 hours in the day per MetaFilter Server Time.

jessamyn, how soon is now?

I don't mean this to be a demand, or come across as pushy, but the song popped into my head when I thought about the elaborations coming soon. To lighten the mood, I'll say bigmouth strikes again.

Dammit, this isn't helping. Enough of The Smiths, here's Roots of Orchis covering Bjork - Possibly Maybe.
posted by filthy light thief at 8:34 PM on September 30, 2012

I love Dave, but I think Dave would agree that he wouldn't be a great choice. Loyal opposition is more his gig. -- More than that, I wouldn't stand a chance. I had one of the most favorited posts in August, and I didn't even get a mention on the ' best posts' podcast. I know which way the wind blows around here. So does everyone else.
posted by crunchland at 9:18 PM on September 30, 2012

It blows, alright.
posted by box at 10:19 PM on September 30, 2012

yeah, it's, like, windy, man.
posted by From Bklyn at 1:44 AM on October 1, 2012

I had one of the most favorited posts in August, and I didn't even get a mention on the ' best posts' podcast.

Are you seriously asserting a mod conspiracy against you because you didn't get a post mentioned? A post that jessamyn took a comment in the podcast thread specifically to link to and praise? A lot of other people made nice posts that month that didn't get mentioned in the podcast either, because we didn't want it to be ten hours long and so we were all working off shortlist notes; most of those folks didn't get a nice followup comment saying "oh and hey, specifically good job on that post you made", though.

how soon is now?

Soon! Promise.
posted by cortex (staff) at 7:01 AM on October 1, 2012

crunchland don't get no respect!

/pulls at necktie
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:05 AM on October 1, 2012

SOON
posted by The Whelk at 7:06 AM on October 1, 2012

SOON
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:08 AM on October 1, 2012

Which way the wind blows
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:10 AM on October 1, 2012

Ahhh you got my US all hairy!
posted by shakespeherian at 7:11 AM on October 1, 2012

don;t make the US get a wax just cause you have weird ideas about masculinity!
posted by The Whelk at 7:12 AM on October 1, 2012

I like your sweater, does it come in a v-neck?
posted by shakespeherian at 7:40 AM on October 1, 2012

SOON
posted by filthy light thief at 8:38 AM on October 1, 2012 [2 favorites]

Are you seriously asserting a mod conspiracy against you because you didn't get a post mentioned?

LOL, no! Dave got butthurt last night when he couldn't add anything to the Go Pro On A Farm post last night other than "This is Go Pro viral marketing!" (Except not in those words. It was much more snide and snivelly.) Getting the same comment deleted twice in a row is enough to put anyone in a mood.

I got my rejection letter last night you guys, so I can totally thumb my nose at crunchland and say, "I flagged you dude!"
posted by carsonb at 10:50 AM on October 1, 2012

Sounds like someone needs to take their own advice. As an aside, I was wondering what there was to complain about in that FPP and who was knobbish enough to find fault with it (If it was a shill for anything, it was Case IH).
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:06 PM on October 1, 2012

Yeah, I gotta admit, that stung a little, having two deletions in an hour. I was feeling a little picked on. And a special thanks go to you two swell fellows for rubbing it in.
posted by crunchland at 2:18 PM on October 1, 2012

crunchland, that's like accusing the brick wall you keep smashing your forehead into of picking on you. Not fair to the brick wall at all!
posted by carsonb at 2:20 PM on October 1, 2012

Oh my goodness, it is fantastic. I am sorry doubted that this would happen.
posted by filthy light thief at 2:26 PM on October 1, 2012

Yeah, I gotta admit, that stung a little, having two deletions in an hour. I was feeling a little picked on. And a special thanks go to you two swell fellows for rubbing it in.

You took a dump in someone's very first FPP and your turd was rightly deleted; a self-pitying turn as the aggrieved party in response to a couple of dumb japes is more than a little silly.
Snark not, lest ye be snarked.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:05 PM on October 1, 2012

Well, cortex did promise actual ponies in the Edit MeTa.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 3:26 PM on October 1, 2012

carsonb: yeah. I should know better. You can never win a dueling match with a moderator whose finger is on the delete button. I thought if I edited what I first wrote to be more diplomatic and less pithy, it'd fly, but no. In my defense, a first post by a newish user with such obvious links to a product that has been shown to rely on viral cideos for promotion? But, whatever.

And thanks for the tips, Alvy. I should be more thoughtful, like you. Mining someone's comment history to throw it in their face? Check.
posted by crunchland at 4:39 PM on October 2, 2012

Pftt, what was there to mine? You've been pulling your Favorites Are Stupid And Meaningless Bullshit And Ruining The Site shtick for so long that your using them as a barometer of FPP quality and evidence of a nefarious admin conspiracy was plainly ridiculous, regardless of whether I linked to one of your comments or not - and honestly, I linked to it because, unlike yourself and your modspiracy, if I talk shit about someone I like to actually back it up. I'm guessing the new and improved crunchland method includes paranoia, a persecution complex, petulant allegations, and not a little hypocrisy? Personally, I think you were better off sticking with v.1.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 5:33 PM on October 2, 2012

You can never win a dueling match with a moderator whose finger is on the delete button.

You have been here forever; you know how to flag and move on; you know where the contact form is and where Metatalk is. Repeatedly beefing about a post in the thread to the exclusion of any sort of engagement with the content of the link is pretty stock deletion material.

It's not a goddamned duel. Portraying that as some sort of rigged fight rather than you just doing something you ought to know better than to do and then doing it again after the obvious occurs is weird and antagonistic and I totally do not understand why it's something that we're even dealing with at this point. I expect that stuff from culture-shocked new arrivals, not from long-time users.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:34 PM on October 2, 2012

culture-shocked new arrivals

*envisions wide-eyed American exchange students wandering the cobble streets of Metafilter, stopping every second or third local to ask (increasingly loudly and slowly) for directions to the edit window*
posted by scody at 6:15 PM on October 2, 2012 [7 favorites]

We should warn them to stay away from the gray light district.
posted by arcticseal at 6:30 PM on October 2, 2012 [4 favorites]

Like I said, I thought my first comment was deleted the other day because it was too pithy. I tried to again, to be more diplomatic, but it wasn't, apparently, and got deleted, too. I didn't try a third, which would have literally been beating my head against a wall. You moderators here are such a funny little bunch. You have all these people adoring your every belch, but when someone makes even the slightest criticism, your hypersensitive backs get all stuck up. Describing it as a duel is a little poetic license, but it wasn't meant to offend your fragile and delicate sensibilities cortex.
posted by crunchland at 6:33 PM on October 2, 2012

"Oh my god, look at this. Megan, quick, take my photo next to these unthreaded comments!"
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing at 6:35 PM on October 2, 2012 [7 favorites]

but when someone makes even the slightest criticism

People make the slightest criticisms all the time and we pretty much try to take it in stride because, whatever, people are new or having a bad day or redirecting some venting or so on. It happens, lots of little things annoy me and I shrug them off. I'd go crazy working here otherwise. I'm not perfect at it and will never claim to be, but I try.

But you, personally and specifically, have a long-running habit of actually straight-up being a dick to us. That's a different thing, and it feels fucking entrenched with you. Like, it is actually mystifying to me that you simultaneously hang around here behaving the way you do and yet manage to act like the fact that we aren't kindness and love with you 100% of the time is some strange unjust shit the universe is pulling on you. I've bit my lip so many times on shit you say that it's not funny, but you keep pulling this stuff anyway and then when I lose my grip on the old Ignore-That-Shit-O-Matic for one minute you dress it up like you're being ground under the heel of some inescapable dictator rather than occasionally getting called on your shit on a website you've chosen to spend the last decade hanging out on and complaining about and, notably, not getting kicked off of despite all that shit.

I don't get it, I don't know why it happens or what ultimately your deal is with this place, and it's just tiring as hell to deal with again and again and again.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:52 PM on October 2, 2012 [12 favorites]

it wasn't meant to offend your fragile and delicate sensibilities cortex.

Dude, most of the time we ignore your constant grousing here because we figure it's your thing and you're not really looking for feedback from us anyhow.

Every so often we feel that it's important to point out that you do in fact know how this site works and you choose to stay here for whatever reason, but the consistent nastiness gets old.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:54 PM on October 2, 2012

You have all these people adoring your every belch,

I'm right here, dude. Sometimes I get the idea that you don't realize real people are behind the keyboard. Everyone's a drone! Out to get YOU!

Describing it as a duel is a little poetic license, but it wasn't meant to offend your fragile and delicate sensibilities cortex.

You know, I typed and deleted about 8 comments addressing your duel analogy before you made this comment because it is a bad analogy. Word have meanings, that's like the baseline understanding of Poetry, and so when you use certain words that compare one thing to another, people will in fact compare the two things. Your contributions to MeFi are not like a duel at all, so your analogy is bad. And the bad connotations 'duel' calls up will in fact offend the people you're characterizing whether you meant it to or not.

Using those words, that particular Poetic license, is not justified when it only serves to insult or demean another, and cortex is right to have his back up about it. Similarly, the words you used in the comments that got deleted didn't fit right. As has been mentioned above, the sentiment you wished to convey about the post is normally conveyed on MeFi using the flagging system. Cryptically accusing (not even outright-accusing) the first-time poster of being a viral marketing shill in the first comment, with zero support, is a goddamn thrust attack without the en garde and therefore a disqualifying move.

Anyway, you're either using these bad analogies and shit-stirring language without intent or with intent. Even after all these years I still can't tell which it is with you, which probably means it's been one, the other, or both at various times over the past decade. It also means I should best just go back to ignoring you. Ah, well.
posted by carsonb at 6:54 PM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

"People make the slightest criticisms all the time and we pretty much try to take it in stride because, whatever, people are new or having a bad day or redirecting some venting or so on."

I preferred your hair long, and your profile picture with a doughnut.

Additionally, you are bad at updating your web projects.

" You have all these people adoring your every belch, but when someone makes even the slightest criticism, your hypersensitive backs get all stuck up. Describing it as a duel is a little poetic license, but it wasn't meant to offend your fragile and delicate sensibilities cortex."

Dude, what's the goal here? Like, do you just need to volunteer at a shelter and hug some dogs or something? I don't even disagree with you about the lame post, but you're just coming across like you're in the midst of a blood sugar crash or something. EXCEPT IT GOES FOR DAYS.

But describing MeFi as a place where people "adore every belch"? Come the fuck on, man. And what's with the pusillanimous retreat on the duel thing? As poetic license it was dumb and antagonistic (you specifically implied that it was an unfair duel, too), and now it's someone else's fault for telling you that you're showing your ass?

Go do something that makes you feel good. I can't imagine a healthy way where this does.
posted by klangklangston at 11:33 PM on October 2, 2012 [1 favorite]

Go do something that makes you feel good.

Dude, you stole that from a 1975 Stephen Stills song, didn't you?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:15 AM on October 3, 2012

Whoa there flap, your inner musician is showing again... *teleportsrapidlyoutofreach*
posted by infini at 12:18 PM on October 3, 2012

infini, all I wanna know is, how is my inner musician different from my outer musician?
posted by flapjax at midnite at 4:32 AM on October 4, 2012

Burhanistan: Your inner musician has 8 arms so it can play a quad-necked guitar.

Flapjax's inner musician is Louise Post?
posted by Rock Steady at 5:50 AM on October 4, 2012

My inner musician is the love child of Ray Charles and Patsy Cline, who was raised, alternately, by Ba-benzele pygmies and Tuvan throat singers, and later adopted by Vera Ward Hall and Doc Watson. He learned music theory from Captain Beefheart and some dude from the Solomon Islands who plays bamboo tubes between his toes. He spent weekends and holidays with John Bonham and PJ Harvey, but snuck out to Parchman Farm whenever he could to drink canned heat with Tommy Johnson and the Hawaiian slack-key guitarists that would pass through on their way to gigs in Chicago. He is an undisputed master of the kazoo, and received a MacArthur "genius" grant for his work in environmental sound installation, attaching contact mics to jackhammers and running the signal through a mountain of distortion pedals until it sounded like "How Much Is That Doggie In the Window" by Patti Page.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:10 AM on October 4, 2012 [6 favorites]

This thread is a cornucopia of Metafilter inside baseball.
posted by double block and bleed at 4:45 AM on October 9, 2012