Dirty talk is depressing

March 22, 2013 2:24 PM

I hate when, in threads about dirty talk (see Dirty Words During Sex), commenters reply with things like "Everybody calls their girlfriend a slut during sex and most women like it, and the ones who don't are kind of weird, but if you have a girlfriend like that, well then in that case you should stop doing it. But where do you come from, Bizzarroworld, that you actually want to RESPECT each other during sex? How on earth do you get turned on without thinking dirty/degrading thoughts? I refuse to believe this is a real question." Well, it's a hell of a lot better than being DISrespected while engaged in the most physically intimate thing that people can do to each other short of surgery. That is all. (For now.)
posted by whatdidyouforgettoday to MetaFilter-Related at 2:24 PM (88 comments total)

What you forgot today is to include an example of what you're referring to
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 2:28 PM on March 22, 2013 [15 favorites]

The thread in question?

Did a comment get deleted or something? Is there a specific comment to which you are referring and maybe I just skimmed over it? I guess I don't see where the issue is, unless I am thinking of the wrong thread or totally missed it.
posted by Think_Long at 2:28 PM on March 22, 2013

Here is the recent thread you were referring to. No one used the word slut. No one implied that it wasn't a real question. Maybe they have in the past, I don't know, but that's not what's going on in today's AskMe thread. What are you hoping to get out of this MeTa thread?
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:29 PM on March 22, 2013

Oh, you're talking about this ancient thread. You're speaking in the present tense, but if there were offenses, they occurred SIX years ago.
posted by Think_Long at 2:30 PM on March 22, 2013

And no, we haven't deleted anything and no one has even flagged anything.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 2:30 PM on March 22, 2013

You mentioned Dirty Words During Sex, which was the title of this thread from six years ago that someone linked to in today's thread, I'm guessing that's the reference. Are you concerned about something in today's thread, or in that old one, or from somewhere else specifically on the site?
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:31 PM on March 22, 2013

If we're airing our gripes about AskMe, I really hate it when somebody posts a question about their job and 50 people immediately tell them to quit, as though that was something that hadn't occurred to the the asker, and was some kind of trivially obvious and consequence-free action.
posted by tehloki at 2:31 PM on March 22, 2013 [25 favorites]

That is all. (For now.)

I'm guessing (seriously, not snark) that the OP here may have misunderstood that MetaTalk is for discussions, and not a dumping ground for comments that you know would get deleted from AskMe but you really want to post anyway.
posted by cribcage at 2:34 PM on March 22, 2013

Different strokes for different folks.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 2:40 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]

I love it when you talk dirty in MeTa, Blatcher.
posted by Think_Long at 2:42 PM on March 22, 2013

Repeat to yourself: FIAMO. FIAMO . FIAMO.
posted by bearwife at 2:44 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

...I should really just relax.
posted by shakespeherian at 2:51 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]

Maybe I should just [verb] my own [adjective] [noun].
posted by Nomyte at 2:57 PM on March 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

what this place needs is more hug-fetish videos. HOT
posted by facetious at 3:00 PM on March 22, 2013

Repeat to yourself: FIAMO. FIAMO . FIAMO.

I tried that and my girlfriend wondered what the hell I was talking about.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:02 PM on March 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

and this is where I realize that 2007 was SIX YEARS AGO oh my god what have I done with my life
posted by phunniemee at 3:28 PM on March 22, 2013 [30 favorites]

What are people saying during sex nowadays? My dirty talk is so 2007.
posted by found missing at 3:33 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

"#FMP!"
"#YOLO!"
"Oppa Gangnam Style!"
/cigarettes
posted by East Manitoba Regional Junior Kabaddi Champion '94 at 3:38 PM on March 22, 2013 [16 favorites]

Repeat to yourself: FIAMO. FIAMO . FIAMO.

I tried that and my girlfriend wondered what the hell I was talking about.

I tried that and FIAMO appeared in my mirror.
posted by vegartanipla at 3:38 PM on March 22, 2013 [19 favorites]

And no, we haven't deleted anything and no one has even flagged anything.

I would love to allow users to see this for everything.

"No, no one has flagged anything here. IT'S JUST YOU. It's all just in your head."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:41 PM on March 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

Sorry for the confusion, I should have linked to the link that someone linked to in the more recent thread rather than just put (See Dirty Words...) in parentheses.

Sometimes you just have to rant, and hope for some likeminded company, even on Metatalk.
posted by whatdidyouforgettoday at 3:42 PM on March 22, 2013

My dirty talk is so 2007.

Unnnnnnh, yesssss, yes, I'm fucking you like Bennifer, baby. Awesome, right therrrrrre...yeah, you're gonna take that chipotle...pwn, me, pwn me, yes, YES, ASK YOUR DOCTOR!! UNNH!! ...we're pregnant.
posted by threeants at 3:43 PM on March 22, 2013 [12 favorites]

I'm going to air a gripe about meTas that don't make much sense and also about work stuff that is apparently so important that it has to happen at 4 pm on a Friday.
posted by rtha at 3:48 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]

Sometimes you just have to rant, and hope for some likeminded company, even on Metatalk.

I sort of feel you on that, but for future reference it's usually a much better idea to put off the Metatalk post until you've found a way to turn the rant into more of an "I feel like this is a site/userbase/behavior problem" sort of statement; just posting a rant to get it out of your system and nothing else isn't really a great use of Metatalk.

If you just need to sort of politely vent to keep yourself from doing something on the site, we'll generally understand if you want to toss a note to the contact form.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:48 PM on March 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

Repeat to yourself: FIAMO. FIAMO . FIAMO.

It's better if you imagine Brian Blessed saying it.
posted by selfnoise at 3:55 PM on March 22, 2013 [5 favorites]

the most physically intimate thing that people can do to each other short of surgery

But, purely hypothetically, it's still OK to talk dirty to people on whom one is performing surgery, right?
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:05 PM on March 22, 2013 [8 favorites]

and this is where I realize that 2007 was SIX YEARS AGO oh my god what have I done with my life

Well you went bald prematurely so there's that.
posted by shakespeherian at 4:10 PM on March 22, 2013 [6 favorites]

So....Just so I'm clear, are we talking about "I love the sexy sex" thing?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:14 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

...I should really just relax.

DONT DO IT
posted by klangklangston at 4:29 PM on March 22, 2013 [8 favorites]

we'll generally understand if you want to toss a note to the contact form.

He's serious. It's totally okay to rant into the contact form if you've got some grar issue with the site and you just want some "I know that feel" back atcha.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:32 PM on March 22, 2013 [10 favorites]

If you just need to sort of politely vent to keep yourself from doing something on the site, we'll generally understand if you want to toss a note to the contact form.

And I am so grateful, because I have done this at least twice, just sent ranty mail to the mods where I'm like "AIGH OMG THIS PERSON I CAN'T EVEN WITH THIS *flaily arms*" and they have been extremely kind in return. Two parts empathy, one part detached amusement, one part "thank you oh so much for sending this to me instead of posting it in AskMe," that kind of thing.
posted by KathrynT at 4:35 PM on March 22, 2013 [10 favorites]

the most physically intimate thing that people can do to each other short of surgery

Okay, now I'm a bit worried about the implications of this "next step of our relationship" talk I just had.
posted by ODiV at 4:42 PM on March 22, 2013 [17 favorites]

AAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! THIS WEEK HAS SUCKED!!!!!!!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:43 PM on March 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

I dunno about the "intimate surgery" thing. I am strictly into casual surgery. My gall bladder was just a big one night stand deal - I left in the morning and haven't looked back.
posted by madamjujujive at 4:43 PM on March 22, 2013 [8 favorites]

It's totally okay to rant into the contact form

Dear Student: I'm sorry you're having X problem with our class. If you'd like me to help you resolve X problem, let me know. If you'd like to continue venting like Krakatoa, East of Java about how this class and I totally and unremittingly suck donkey dicks, please do that in the Metafilter contact form instead. Sincerely, FB

posted by FelliniBlank at 4:44 PM on March 22, 2013 [8 favorites]

My gall bladder was just a big one night stand deal - I left in the morning and haven't looked back.

Maybe it was casual for you, but I've kept that gall bladder in a jar on the nightstand next to my bed ever since.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:47 PM on March 22, 2013 [10 favorites]

the most physically intimate thing that people can do to each other short of surgery

you old smoothie, you
posted by jonmc at 4:51 PM on March 22, 2013

I am strictly into casual surgery.

In the mood for a tonsillectomy, baby?
posted by jonmc at 4:51 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]

If you'd like to continue venting

I totally started an email to someone who was complaining about a project I'm working on

"Hi and thanks for your email. We are not idiots, actually..."
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 4:56 PM on March 22, 2013 [13 favorites]

What are you hoping to get out of this MeTa thread?

This should be a mandatory field on the MetaTalk posting page.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 4:56 PM on March 22, 2013 [7 favorites]

What are you hoping to get out of this MeTa thread?

Sweet, sweet oblivion.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:58 PM on March 22, 2013

I'm sorry, for that, go to the bar down the street.
posted by jonmc at 5:01 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

I dunno about the "intimate surgery" thing.

I had this option last Saturday (kidney stones) and let me tell you that surgery is a few adverbs away from infidelity except for the... you know... unpleasant pain part. But I decided to go with the drugs and rock and roll route instead. I just wasn't that into the experience offered.
posted by edgeways at 5:04 PM on March 22, 2013

I had this option last Saturday (kidney stones)

Orthroscopic? I had that a few years back. No fucking Mardi Gras, but it did end the pain.
posted by jonmc at 5:05 PM on March 22, 2013

the most physically intimate thing that people can do to each other short of surgery

Some say that's a Rusty Venture...
posted by juiceCake at 5:19 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

He's serious. It's totally okay to rant into the contact form if you've got some grar issue with the site and you just want some "I know that feel" back atcha.

I have done this and it's awesome. Highly recommended. Cheaper and much more fun than therapy.
posted by rtha at 5:21 PM on March 22, 2013

What are you hoping to get out of this MeTa thread?

Cupcakes!
posted by carsonb at 5:28 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

It's amazing how dumb some of my ranting looks once written down. One minute I'm thundering like Zeus and the next minute it's more like Daffy Duck.
posted by jquinby at 5:29 PM on March 22, 2013 [4 favorites]

I hate it when, in threads about dirty talk, 50 people immediately tell them to quit, as though that was something that hadn't occurred to the the asker, and was some kind of trivially obvious and consequence-free action.
posted by mazola at 5:50 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

A few weeks ago I was bent at an awkward angle when I sneezed and tore a muscle just below my left rib cage. It still aches when I sneeze.

In addition over the course of a month of intense coding my poor posture has caused my right shoulder to develop a severely painful ache, to the point where I met one deadline only after four hours of literal agony.

Lastly I was just out in the garden shoring up the stepping stones to make them even. Between moving the stones and lugging a forty pound bag of soil around I can pretty much tell my back will be a disaster tomorrow.

In short I'm middle-aged and my general idleness and poor lifestyle choices are catching up with me.

I'm not going to do anything about that, this just seemed like a good place to bitch about it. And to tell the truth I do feel better now.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 5:51 PM on March 22, 2013 [13 favorites]

omg i want to write poetry and songs and create interpretive dance to fully explain my love for the contact form and the quick responses from the mods. if you've never used it, it's sort of awesome. you feel like you put out a bat signal, and poof! whatever issue has either been explained or fixed. amazing.
posted by nadawi at 6:41 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

create interpretive dance

Please, no. Anything but that.
posted by jonmc at 6:48 PM on March 22, 2013

I just came home from the school dance, where I ran the popcorn machine for two hours. My hands have little burns; I smell like hot oil and my shoe treads are full of crushed kernels. My nostril hairs are dusted with the pollen of powdered butter and cheese, and my hair has a fine sheen of canola.

For the bake sale I contributed dill pickles on a stick, and my chocolate chip cookies (hey - where did Bean Plates go?) and every single freaking pickle disappeared and take that you superior-seeming cupcake bakers.

My kid was embarrassed to be seen with me, as it should be - but I Mom-Danced anyway. A Grade 6 boy let me sing "Call Me Maybe" at him for a minute before he meekly asked if he could just please have his popcorn. I did the Chicken Dance, the Macarena, YMCA, the ChaCha Slide (behind the machine) and was exposed to Beliebers or whatever they're called and survived.

And now the kid is in the bath, I'm having a much-needed bourbon and eating the cookies that were too misshapen to sell (or so I tell myself.)

And I am grateful for the gray/grey (I'm an American living in Canada and have no idea how to spell anything any more) because I have no questions or answers, and I have no time for the blue tonight, and I have seen ALL the projects, and there are no meetups and I still love Jonathan and am grateful for the music in general and this is just a good time to say thank you for being kind on my two first posts recently and thank you for the opportunity to stretch my brain nearly every day.

I read that dirty talk question today, and agree - it's depressing to me because it seems like such a luxury to have foolish dirty talk ripped from porn that I stayed far, far away from answering it. Once upon a time in my life I messed around with someone who told me he was "Fixin' to come" and since then I'm grateful for any dirty talk that doesn't include those words.

I'm not going to answer it, complain about it or probably ever use the contact form for anything unless I really mess up somehow - but this just seems like a good place to be grateful for you all tonight. And to tell the truth, I do feel better now. Good night MetaFilter.
posted by peagood at 6:55 PM on March 22, 2013 [50 favorites]

create interpretive dance

The contact form no longer accepts any other form of input.
posted by kiltedtaco at 6:56 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

what if i tell you that my dancing is a more ridiculous (middle america, 30 year old, not skinny) version of miley cyrus twerking?
posted by nadawi at 7:10 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh, my God - peagood has just ruined sex for me, forever! I will undoubtedly never again get close without thinking, "I'm fixin' to come." And then I'll bray with laughter and that will be the end of it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:22 PM on March 22, 2013 [19 favorites]

She gave us ideas, what with the canola oil and bourbon. We'll have to see about the powdered butter.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:56 PM on March 22, 2013

what if i tell you that my dancing is a more ridiculous (middle america, 30 year old, not skinny) version of miley cyrus twerking?

*runs, hides*
posted by jonmc at 8:12 PM on March 22, 2013

Oh thanks for reminding me to slip "YES I LIKE SEXY SEX AS IF IT WERE MY PROFESSION!! TELL ME MORE ABOUT IT" into some conversation this weekend. I loved that as if it were my profession.
posted by crush-onastick at 8:31 PM on March 22, 2013 [5 favorites]

Excellent, is this where I get to talk about my recent hand surgery? I think I'm finally coming out of the the anesthesia. Well, mostly, anyway.
posted by blurker at 9:00 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

I am so glad I have been married for over twenty years and don't have to date any of you young people ever again.
posted by Curious Artificer at 9:17 PM on March 22, 2013 [3 favorites]

Ah sexy sex talk. Like:

"Shh. Is that the baby?"

"No, it's fine. Keep going"

"I think he's waking up."

"He'll be fine. You are so hot, baby."

"Maybe I should check on him."

"No, don't stop."

"I'll be right back."
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 9:27 PM on March 22, 2013 [12 favorites]

OP, it's not everyone's thing, but you can respect the hell out of someone and still degrade them (or be degraded) in bed, for fun and pretend. Vanilla sex can be boring sometimes. Dirty talk from the right person can be marvelous, and as to dancing, all dancing is good dancing.

And as far as I know, all of us live in Bizzarroworld. Don't worry too much about that part.
posted by Grlnxtdr at 9:41 PM on March 22, 2013

Oh, my God - peagood has just ruined sex for me, forever!

Me too. Sheesh, peagood, give a little warning when you're fixin' to permanently scar our psyches.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:11 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Well, not to brag or anything, but I've been asked by more than a few partners, "Ain't you fixin' to come yet?"
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 10:19 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]

he was "Fixin' to come"

That's right up there with the time we were working up to it and she said she was "Fixin' to go get some Pollo Loco and did (unh, there!) I want the charbroiled or deep fried this time, get off me?"
posted by carsonb at 10:20 PM on March 22, 2013 [2 favorites]

What are you hoping to get out of this MeTa thread?

Maybe a hug?
posted by double block and bleed at 10:46 PM on March 22, 2013

peagood, you've ruined me too. I laughed so hard I essentially engraved a permanent invitation for my partner to taunt me with that, or have it float through my head at exactly the wrong moment. I'm doomed.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:01 PM on March 22, 2013 [1 favorite]

Oh and look what he just sent me. Called it.
posted by Space Kitty at 11:06 PM on March 22, 2013

If we're making a ranked list of physically intimate activities involving two people, I'd put childbirth right at the very top.
posted by medusa at 12:37 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

If you just need to sort of politely vent to keep yourself from doing something on the site, we'll generally understand if you want to toss a note to the contact form.

He's serious. It's totally okay to rant into the contact form if you've got some grar issue with the site and you just want some "I know that feel" back atcha.

I just want to say I've done this and it really does work.

The "politely" part is probably important, though. I mean, I like to think that's the only way I tried it, but still.
posted by reprise the theme song and roll the credits at 1:13 AM on March 23, 2013

Space Kitty, be glad it wasn't this this.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 5:55 AM on March 23, 2013

AAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! THIS WEEK HAS SUCKED!!!!!!!!!

I was all "I know, right? What's up with that?" but then I realized that I didn't know if you were presenting this as an example of venting or sexy talk, and now I am really conflicted....
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:42 AM on March 23, 2013

I'd like to put "getting your jibblies waxed" on that physically intimate list, too.
posted by loriginedumonde at 6:52 AM on March 23, 2013

I never considered ranting to the mods via the contact form and I am slightly concerned for them that they will now be overwhelmed with user feels and/or be forced to hire a full time Metafilter therapist just to handle the flood.
posted by misskaz at 8:04 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

How about recipes? Can we put recipes in the contact form?
posted by Roger Dodger at 8:19 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

You have to ask for recipes in the contact form! "Dear mods, I have peanut butter, some ham, and an apple. What can I make for dinner?" the answer will always be "reservations,"
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:27 AM on March 23, 2013 [2 favorites]

Grade 6

I'm an American living in Canada

Aha!
posted by nrobertson at 9:31 AM on March 23, 2013

Oleo?
posted by clavdivs at 9:53 AM on March 23, 2013

Pony Request: Replace all AskMeFi comments suggesting the OP go to therapy with suggestions that they use the contact form.
posted by softlord at 10:03 AM on March 23, 2013

What are you hoping to get out of this MeTa thread ?

A Siamese only child.
posted by y2karl at 10:30 AM on March 23, 2013

Oh gawd, why can't my life be messed up in such a cute way y'all lives are? I just hate the pathetic way mine is.
posted by sammyo at 10:41 AM on March 23, 2013

Wait, is this the contact form?
posted by sammyo at 10:42 AM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

I never considered ranting to the mods via the contact form and I am slightly concerned for them that they will now be overwhelmed with user feels and/or be forced to hire a full time Metafilter therapist just to handle the flood.

In fairness, considering the referrals AskMe would send over, said therapist would make some serious bank.
posted by Ghostride The Whip at 12:28 PM on March 23, 2013 [1 favorite]

This callout was incoherent. The clarification didn't clarify. What, exactly, was this callout about? I still don't know.
posted by Justinian at 1:21 PM on March 23, 2013

I was venting.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:05 PM on March 23, 2013

You can tell because I never use allcaps for sexy talk.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:06 PM on March 23, 2013

Since we're beating our chests over time that has passed, and also random Metafilter callouts:

I'd like to point out that yesterday was my 8th metafilter anniversary and the wonderful wonderful hat_eater and mrs eater drove this furriner to their homeland all the way from Warsaw to Oświęcim (and back). Today we celebrate an even more ancient anniversaire... (47??? where did time fly??)
posted by infini at 2:53 AM on March 24, 2013 [3 favorites]