Dear AskMe, My Husband's T-Shirt Has Llama Stains. May 31, 2018 10:16 AM   Subscribe

My husband and I are both MeFites - he introduced me! - and we often wonder about other couples or close friends who reference Metafilter in various 'inside joke'-type ways. Do you do this? And how?

In our home, lighthearted arguments are often capped off with one of us saying, "Dear AskMe, my husband/wife thinks it's perfectly reasonable to do X and Y...EVEN THOUGH IT ISN'T, IS IT?" (pretending to create an Ask that will support our own viewpoint). This is usually countered by the other person saying something like, "Dear AskMe, my husband/wife insists that they are right and tries to get other people on their side even when they're wrong. How should I handle this?" ... and then we laugh.

Other times, one of us will have been reading Metafilter/AskMe during the workday and will bring up a particular post/discussion out of the blue in the most random of ways. Like this morning, when we were drinking coffee and my husband suddenly started talking about laundry stains and llamas which was TOTALLY random to me - but which made sense later when I read this Ask.

Anyway - do you do this? Care to share an example of something similar you do?
posted by VioletU to MetaFilter-Related at 10:16 AM (70 comments total) 6 users marked this as a favorite

The various close people in my life, including my husband, all know metafilter as “you know that website i’m always on”, the source of every interesting link I send them. None have become mefites, perhaps because I already filter the filtered links for them? Anyway I am alone in a vast sea of norms.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:20 AM on May 31, 2018 [20 favorites]


I'm upset that I can't remember any of the particulars of the "Dear AskMe"'s that we've started ... and we had one just last weekend! Well, as I've VioletU's (oft-titled obnoxious) husband, obviously this happens at my home too!

I'll note that I don't think it's usually after an argument, but usually as a result of some teasing. Here's one from about a year ago: "Dear AskMe, my wife often gets in arguments with my pet owl, Snowy. Even more bizzare, is my wife will call my owl names that make Snowy angry. Somehow my wife thinks that she's right to do this and threatens to release Snowy to the wild. How can I get my wife to accept that threatening pets is horrible and wrong?!"

Owl tax; here's a picture of Snowy.
posted by nobeagle at 10:45 AM on May 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


When I first started dating my boyfriend (1 year on Sunday!) we effortlessly stumbled into a fairly heavy conversation early on about relationships and what we wanted, etc. I'd come out of some pretty rough experiences, relationship-wise and was quite cautious … not something I'd ever really heeded much before, tbh.

A few months before we met I'd made a list for myself of a 'MVB' = Minimum Viable Boyfriend. I was online dating and meeting a lot of fun and interesting men, but if they didn't meet the MVB list, I wasn't taking it more seriously than that and gently ending things as and when.

I really liked this guy and he ticked all the boxes, but I was still pretty unsure about moving forward. So I asked him to read the big ole Emotional Labor thread and tell me what he thought about it all. I warned him that it was long, but he was completely unphased. He read it all (and he *still* has it as an open page on his phone — that phone must be supertech because I don't know how it can handle that much data).

He often references things from that thread when it's relevant to whatever we're talking about. Our most frequent MeFi in-joke from there — which still makes me laugh every time — is about telling someone how much you like the cheese. It evolved to cheese-tasting as a verb and nowadays it's more of a command, "Taste the cheese!"

We also consult Fanfare every time we finish a film or show to see if there's a post for it and what the MeFites think.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:06 AM on May 31, 2018 [26 favorites]


If any outsiders are wondering what goes on at Chicago meetups, if there's ever a lull in the conversation I'll bring up the most excessively beany question from the past week and insist everyone else read it to lulz with me.

Also I talk shit about the people who recommend subbing in coconut oil for toothpaste at basically every opportunity.
posted by phunniemee at 11:30 AM on May 31, 2018 [7 favorites]


My wife occasionally reads AskMe so I can basically never get relationship advice here ever again.
posted by ODiV at 11:42 AM on May 31, 2018 [9 favorites]


I will sometimes come home with a sad, abandoned object in need of repair and say "I couldn't help it, I'm a crouton-petter."
posted by MonkeyToes at 12:05 PM on May 31, 2018 [9 favorites]


My wife is not a mefite (yet, I keep trying), but bowl of fruit, yo is sworn by in our household after my introducing it to her and using it to great success during our previous multiple-thousand-mile move.
posted by namewithoutwords at 12:24 PM on May 31, 2018 [8 favorites]


He needs mouse bites to live! is a standard shorthand my husband and I use to discuss certain types of plot twists in movies and TV. It doesn't hurt that, every single time my husband thinks about it, he busts up laughing.
posted by meese at 12:34 PM on May 31, 2018 [16 favorites]


My co-workers know I'm an avid user of MetaFilter but they can never remember the name of the site, so they always refer to it as "You know that site you're on... Adult Less Shitty Reddit."
posted by Fizz at 1:14 PM on May 31, 2018 [25 favorites]


no, we do not.
posted by terrapin at 1:45 PM on May 31, 2018


My wife refers to MetaFilter as that "big blue wall of text". She expects me to share good links & discussion points from here with her; I filter her MetaFilter, in other words. She knows it is responsible for countless good books, movies, TV shows, answers to weird questions, and insights into things, but she won't dip into it herself except for the occasional thread that I send the link for; she can't wrap her head around the apparent randomness of the front page design.

I'm kind of glad, to be honest - she doesn't get to call me out for leaving long comments in the middle of the work day or for my bad jokes (anymore than she already does).
posted by nubs at 2:19 PM on May 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


My spouse and I are both on Metafilter. A lot. I don't know if we have jokes from it, but we do often talk about things we've read on one of the sites, whether it's sharing something interesting the other missed or discussing what we think about the thing. Our daughter has started reading Metafilter some, mostly when we make it sound interesting, and that's been fun too. (Not sure what age she should be to join, so haven't done that yet.)
posted by Margalo Epps at 3:38 PM on May 31, 2018 [4 favorites]


No in-jokes as such but I'm sure at this point they're tired me starting sentences with "I read on (Ask) MetaFilter..."
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:46 PM on May 31, 2018 [8 favorites]


That's the wonderful thing about having Mefi friends in real life! You can say, "Oh, did you see that Ask about the blahblahblah?" and there's like a 50% chance your friend has seen it and then there's the instant back-and-forth about how you answered, or why you didn't answer, or what you would do in the poster's situation, etc.

Plus, the collective vocabulary allows for instant shorthand/background for discussions on things like emotional labor, crouton petting, Cat Person, etc. It's pretty great.
posted by mochapickle at 3:59 PM on May 31, 2018 [8 favorites]


My daughter will rat me out to my husband I’m reading Metafilter. “Dad! Mom is on that website again!” Since the political threads started he has taken to asking if it is green or blue, so now she shortcuts to “Dad! Mom is doing the blue one!”
posted by corb at 4:20 PM on May 31, 2018 [27 favorites]


"Wow, I should really Ask Metafilter about that thing one of these days."

[Never gets around to asking metafilter about that thing]
posted by ook at 4:39 PM on May 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


When my wife sees the Blue Screen of Metafilter glowing out of whatever device I'm using, she'll often exclaim "METAFILTER?!?!?!?" in mock surprise and indignation.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:06 PM on May 31, 2018 [2 favorites]


My partner is on here. (Hi! Thanks for taking the garbage out. xoxo)

We frequently ask each other if we’ve seen a particular post on “the green” or “the grey.” And we often thank each other for “performing the emotional labor” of [X].

We actually talk about Ask.Me quite a bit in general. But, yeah, neither of us could ask about birthday gifts or relationship advice.

Great question.
posted by veggieboy at 5:56 PM on May 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


oh my
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:02 PM on May 31, 2018 [5 favorites]


My SO is a member but I'm a lot more active. we refer to things as "relevant to our intrests" as a mefi injoke, we both know about bean-plating. Sometimes I'll say "did you see that askme/thing on the blue?" and she's like "YEAH!"

There are other instances, I'll try to remember.
posted by vrakatar at 6:07 PM on May 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


When my wife sees the Blue Screen of Metafilter glowing out of whatever device I'm using, she'll often exclaim "METAFILTER?!?!?!?" in mock surprise and indignation.

Mrs Jabo is a non-member and knows I spend a lot of time reading Mefi. When she finds me looking at it, she will ritually chide me, "Are you reading your chat room?" and I ritually yell back "It's NOT A CHAT ROOM!".

She's the best. Married 32 years.
posted by jabo at 7:33 PM on May 31, 2018 [25 favorites]


"You know that site you're on... Adult Less Shitty Reddit."

You're lucky - most of my friends even know what a "Reddit" is. :-/
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:43 PM on May 31, 2018 [1 favorite]


do you do this?

Always. And occasionally "Look I know you think you're right here but if we asked MetaFilter ANONYMOUSLY I bet they'd side with me. I'll even let you write the question...."

Also I sometimes will DM my paraphrases of AskMe relationship questions to a few other MeFite pals.

"Dear AskMe I have decided I would rather be correct than married so I am going to ask you about this pedantic argument I am having with my souse..."
posted by jessamyn (retired) at 8:24 PM on May 31, 2018 [25 favorites]


My sister and I are on the IM every day while we're at work. I send her outrage reports and snark gleaned from the mega political threads which I always keep open and read while waiting for Photoshop to render or save. She became familiar with the Justinian Panic Level and she sometimes asks what the Panic Level is now.

When I ask her weird questions she tells me to AskMeta.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 9:47 PM on May 31, 2018 [3 favorites]


No in-jokes as such but I'm sure at this point they're tired me starting sentences with "I read on (Ask) MetaFilter..."


Any time I try to impress my family with a fascinating piece of information or a hot take on the day's news, they will respond, "You read that on MetaFilter, didn't you?"
posted by Rock Steady at 5:56 AM on June 1, 2018 [7 favorites]


i swear half my friends are on this website. including my bff. (i got her hooked. happy about that one.)

the other half will ask me how i know such-and-such a person, and i will say ‘oh, they’re from my internet place,’ and they’ll be like ‘oh, gotcha.’ one of my best friends has a similar internet place that they’ve asked me not to ask about, so they get it.

i have one other internet place that i also go back to, but my levels of engagement there are more sporadic. mefi has been fairly consistent over the years since i found it. truly the best of the web.
posted by dogheart at 6:06 AM on June 1, 2018 [1 favorite]


I forgot one other thing we both do with some frequency. We'll read someone's Ask where they're asking (for example) about how to get their spouse to stop some annoying quirk or behaviour that one of us also does - and I'll email a link to him (or he'll send it to me) with the comment, "I FOUND YOUR SECRET MEFI ACCOUNT!"
posted by VioletU at 6:41 AM on June 1, 2018 [10 favorites]


My spouse and I pretend we're going to write up the awesome things the other does as ridiculous askmes. "Dear AskMetafilter, is it unreasonable of my husband to make the bed when he Knows my love language is acts of service and so he's depriving me of the chore? Sure, I wasn't home and someone else was coming over to the house, but..."

We're also pretty sure we could get a DTMFA if we worded some of them "properly". And then we appreciate one another all the more.
posted by ldthomps at 7:07 AM on June 1, 2018 [12 favorites]


When I don't have a good answer to a problem my wife is looking for help with, I will occasionally say: "Ask Metafilter recommends therapy."
posted by 256 at 8:43 AM on June 1, 2018 [6 favorites]


My partner isn't a Mefite but he knows a lot about the site by proxy. The Mefi thing he references on his own the most is probably riffing on "I'm a sexy sex person and I like doing sex as if it were my job" -- but for math.
posted by LobsterMitten (staff) at 8:51 AM on June 1, 2018 [6 favorites]


I share with my husband interesting links from the Blue, and Asks that have almost-impossible stipulations for answers, such as, "I am cooking a hot dinner for 8 in 30 minutes and my stove just broke, so it has to be cooked by the heat from 7 birthday candles. Cancelling the dinner or ordering takeout/delivery are not options, please only answer if you are INTP."
posted by kimberussell at 10:17 AM on June 1, 2018 [23 favorites]


My dad (not a member) and I refer to MetaFilter as MetaGefilte in conversation. So that's a thing.
posted by waninggibbon at 10:32 AM on June 1, 2018 [14 favorites]


My partner is not on Metafilter but I have recently made them aware of it, and they are tangentially familiar with how it works. Something that has happened two or three times now is I will notice a problem/inefficiency/need that I don't have enough information to address and make a mental note to post an AskMe question later, never get around to it, my partner will later notice the same problem/inefficiency/need and comment that we should address it, and I will respond, "Yeah, I've been meaning to ask Metafilter about that one..."

The infuriating thing is at the moment I can't remember what any of those potential questions were.
posted by brook horse at 11:08 AM on June 1, 2018 [2 favorites]


various 'inside joke'-type ways

The thing you have to understand about me and my wife is that we have cameras.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:14 PM on June 1, 2018 [6 favorites]


My mefite partner has trouble remembering my handle and on several occasions has sent me my own comments with a "you might like this" or "you might find this interesting." I always do.
posted by congen at 1:16 PM on June 1, 2018 [26 favorites]


My wife calls Metafilter "The Blue Blog" and generally responds with a mixture of apathy and jealousy, which is pretty typical behavior for the interests I have that she does not share.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 1:26 PM on June 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


My wife and I are both MeFites. One day, when the rats had been unusually squabbly and irritated with each other (lots of pouncing, power-grooming, and outraged squeaking) we stuck our MetaTalk sticker on their cage, with wry eye-rolling.
posted by Morfil Ffyrnig at 1:37 PM on June 1, 2018 [10 favorites]


When my wife sees the Blue Screen of Metafilter glowing out of whatever device I'm using, she'll often exclaim "METAFILTER?!?!?!?" in mock surprise and indignation.

are you me

Also, he'll sometimes be outraged that Metafilter is grey or green - 'GREEN METAFILTER?!?!?', etc.
posted by palindromic at 2:10 PM on June 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


When my children ask me a question and I don't know the answer, they'll often say, "Why don't you just go ask MetaFilter?" "I can if you want, but I'm not really sure there's an answer to your hypothetical question comprised of at least 50% nonsense words."
posted by Eyebrows McGee (staff) at 3:44 PM on June 1, 2018 [15 favorites]


One day, when the rats had been unusually squabbly and irritated with each other (lots of pouncing, power-grooming, and outraged squeaking) we stuck our MetaTalk sticker on their cage, with wry eye-rolling.

I got 2 of 'em and we stuck one on the washing machine and the other on the vacuum.
posted by barchan at 4:05 PM on June 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


I've been married just a bit longer than I've been a MeFite, but still my wife isn't a member, despite coming to quite a few meetups over the years and becoming friends with MeFites. Once I was a bit drunk and was trying to mansplain MetaFilter to her for some reason, and she said "I know how MetaFilter works."

I share tidbits I've found from the site with her, pull up FanFare recommendations and share comments from stuff we're watching, and find inspirations from the things she tells me about for random posts.

My brother introduced me to the site, and he joined after me, but he's not active. When I talk to my parents, my dad often asks "So, how's MetaFilter?" because they know this is my community.
posted by filthy light thief at 4:08 PM on June 1, 2018 [8 favorites]


my dad often asks "So, how's MetaFilter?"

I had a political thread open while my parents were visiting, and my mom started reading it. "This is GREAT," she said, and then "Where did you ever find it?" I really wanted to evangelize, but then thought better of everything I've posted here since 2004...
posted by MonkeyToes at 4:32 PM on June 1, 2018 [11 favorites]


I had a boyfriend who would sometimes interrupt low stakes arguments by saying "RUN," which I had told him was a common refrain in DTMFA asks.

This is a super fun metatalk! :D
posted by sockermom at 5:43 PM on June 1, 2018 [9 favorites]


MetaFilter: MetaFilter?" "I can if you want, but I'm not really sure there's an answer to your hypothetical question comprised of at least 50% nonsense words."
posted by vrakatar at 6:19 PM on June 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


My husband is not a MeFite, this is a typical exchange:

Spouse: Whatcha reading?
Me: MetaFilter.
Spouse: Have they filtered everything yet?
Me: Nope.

He also refers to my using this website as “filtering.” “Still filtering? Okay, I’ll check back later.”
posted by castlebravo at 6:23 PM on June 1, 2018 [13 favorites]


On my Facebook, for my birthday, wenestvedt wrote HBD, airport über-driver!

That's all I got, because he's the only MeFite I know IRL. Actually, that's not true. I once played Wii games with a former MeFite who was dating a current MeFite at my best friend's house who they both know. Whew, that sentence is a hot mess.
posted by Ruki at 9:27 PM on June 1, 2018 [5 favorites]


Outragefilter is a phrase in our house. (I'm a Mefite, he isn't.)
posted by mynameisluka at 9:51 PM on June 1, 2018 [3 favorites]


I keep trying to get ANYONE I know on here so I have someone I know IRL to talk about this stuff with. I’ve been failing for almost a decade. I send links out at least weekly. I don’t know if it’s the wall of text or the five dollar entry charge that scares them off.
posted by greermahoney at 9:53 PM on June 1, 2018 [6 favorites]


For me, it’s the page load time in a large thread — there’s no obvious indicator that somebody has linked to a comment to read rather than the whole thing. They’ve scrolled away before the page has fully loaded and have no idea what I’m trying to show them.
posted by iamkimiam at 11:38 PM on June 1, 2018 [1 favorite]


My sister's husband is a Mefite and we talk about stuff on this site occasionally. He's convinced however that I'm sciatrix because he's getting it mixed up with my stage/writing name and doesn't understand that my Mefi account predates my creative career by many years.
posted by divabat at 6:40 AM on June 2, 2018 [6 favorites]


I may have done this: instead of saying "I have this idea and it is good and we should do it " which will get dismissed immediately. I will say " I saw on Metafilter that this is a good idea and we should do it."

I'm pretty sure he knows and it still works.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 8:19 AM on June 2, 2018 [5 favorites]


greermahoney, do you have any active mefites geographically near you? It is totally not weird to reach out to a local active mefite to say hello. Or a faraway mefite, even!

I've talked up the site to lots of friends and they often enjoy the links but no one has joined yet, to my eternal consternation. Mefite -> friend seems to happen easier than friend -> mefite.
posted by mochapickle at 10:09 AM on June 2, 2018 [5 favorites]


My husband is not a MeFite, despite my efforts. He is very accustomed to my reading him MeFi threads, though. Especially the funny ones.
posted by sarcasticah at 10:21 AM on June 2, 2018 [2 favorites]


My husband uses "reading metafilter" as a shorthand for "anything potrzebie does on the computer that I consider a waste of time" and has for well over a decade so there's that I guess
posted by potrzebie at 10:45 AM on June 2, 2018 [4 favorites]


Mrs. Example lurks, but reads quite a bit. The only MetaFilter-ish shorthand we have, really, is "plate of beans". She has just inserted herself into this post over my shoulder, incidentally, to demand I give her credit for inventing "Hat Cop" in the Expanse threads on Fanfare.

Other than that, we just take turns anonymously buying each other banjos. We have a hundred and fifty-seven.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 11:53 AM on June 2, 2018 [8 favorites]


Slightly off-topic, but...in honor of this post's title, from now on whenever someone says "Namaste" to me, I will serenely respond "Llama-stain", as sort of my own private joke.
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:25 PM on June 2, 2018 [3 favorites]


She has just inserted herself into this post over my shoulder, incidentally, to demand I give her credit for inventing "Hat Cop" in the Expanse threads on Fanfare.

Dear Mrs Example,

The phrase ‘hat cop’ is literally my favourite thing about the Expanse threads.

Regards,

HTWRT
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:10 PM on June 2, 2018 [8 favorites]


I had a political thread open while my parents were visiting, and my mom started reading it. "This is GREAT," she said, and then "Where did you ever find it?" I really wanted to evangelize, but then thought better of everything I've posted here since 2004...

My oldest son is nearly 17 and I've been reading Metafilter for pretty much all of his life (and definitely all of his brother's life (13)). Every now and then he threatens to join and I remember a lot of the things I've said quite openly on here that I have not said to them and I'm all *shudder*.
posted by h00py at 7:55 PM on June 2, 2018 [2 favorites]


greermahoney, do you have any active mefites geographically near you?

I’m Bay Area, so... yeah. I think there’s a couple locals. :-) I have been thinking I should join a meetup one of these days.
posted by greermahoney at 7:56 PM on June 2, 2018 [2 favorites]


We do the “Dear Metafilter, my husband’s being really annoying” fake letters too!

And we have re-purposed the passive aggressive peach cobbler question. If one of us is being overly demanding, the other will say “Fuck off and make me a peach cobbler” “Don’t you want to make me a fucking peach cobbler?” “When you’re done with that, make me a peach cobbler”
https://ask.metafilter.com/169504/Why-does-my-wife-zing-me-all-the-time

And the girl with the boyfriend with (possibly) no teeth. We bring that one up a lot. And he definitely didn’t have teeth.
https://ask.metafilter.com/250446/I-think-my-boyfriend-is-toothless

Have you ever thought about creating an Ask.me hall of fame/shame? I’d spend a lot of time reading that.
posted by tinkletown at 4:27 PM on June 3, 2018 [3 favorites]


Mr. Freedom will often come home from work and ask me, “Anything bananas on Metafilter today?” This is because I often share (Ask)Metafilter posts with him by prefacing it with, “Omg, you’ll never believe this bananas thing I just read on Metafilter...”
posted by chainsofreedom at 5:24 PM on June 3, 2018 [3 favorites]


Misterben is not on Metafilter but has been hearing about it for years. If we have a minor dispute about some household situation, he asks me not to Ask Metafilter because, “they’ll just tell you to dump me.” And we frequently conclude conversations about our cats’ behavior with the comment, “because cats are weird.”
posted by matildaben at 5:51 PM on June 3, 2018 [3 favorites]


Mr. MonkeyToes would like to know whether he should be worried that the neighbor gifted me a bee suit, but he refuses to Ask MetaFilter.
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:17 PM on June 3, 2018 [3 favorites]


One might say he's all a-buzz about it?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:04 PM on June 3, 2018 [1 favorite]


Why don't you just go ask MetaFilter?" "I can if you want, but I'm not really sure there's an answer to your hypothetical question comprised of at least 50% nonsense words."

Please do this.

Only 50% kidding.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:47 AM on June 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


I forgot to add that ever since my husband learned about Ask, he is constantly asking me to make nonsense questions about our animals. Like, “Ask Metafilter: how can I teach my dog to read?” “Ask Metafilter: I am worried that my cat may be a Bonapartist. How can I find out and should I turn him in to the appropriate authorities?”
posted by corb at 10:01 AM on June 5, 2018 [10 favorites]


I still call my husband Shooty McGunpants occasionally (though not as often, as he's no longer doing much criminal defense, so doesn't conceal carry to visit gang members/clients at their houses anymore).
posted by joannemerriam at 11:22 AM on June 5, 2018 [2 favorites]


I had to set a household rule that my husband must ask me "did you see the FPP about [blah]?" before he launches into discussing the topic. Otherwise he gives me a half-baked, inaccurate description of something I haven't read, and when I argue with the details as presented he says "wait, that wasn't quite how it was, it was [more detail not previously mentioned]" and I want to scream.
posted by Lexica at 5:03 PM on June 6, 2018 [3 favorites]


I have been here long before I have been married to good wife, and pretty much everything new or interesting I bring in from beyond our home is from here. She should know this by now but she still asks every time, like when I cue up some movie, "Why did you get this?"

"I don't really know, I guess Metafilter told us to watch it."
posted by Meatbomb at 4:30 AM on June 8, 2018 [3 favorites]


WAIT WAIT WAIT I know it's days too late for this but I just remembered a really important one: "grilled cheese sandwich" is both our safeword and our preferred postcoital snack, and it wasn't until just now that I remembered that this is entirely Metafilter's fault.

No hardcore taters in our house, though. There are limits
posted by ook at 10:37 AM on June 11, 2018 [4 favorites]


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