*cracks whip, embodies sterotype* March 2, 2010 9:15 AM   Subscribe

BDSM, kinksters, meetups, and MetaFilter.

A recent askme question made it clear that there are a lot of us on metafilter, but we don't hang out together on the internet or in real life. That's too bad.

I can barely remember my long-ass name, much less the multiple names of people who have popped into various threads and outed themselves as kinksters, but I'd like to know who you are.

If you're not comfortable outing yourself here in the friendly, accepting hugzone that is MetaTalk, make yourself a fetlife account and head over here. We'll plan some meetups, play some board games, drink some hot cocoa. You know, the usual BDSM stuff.

If you don't want to do either of those things, memail me.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 to MetaFilter Gatherings at 9:15 AM (110 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite

Weren't you just in another MeTa thread with serious concerns about your post history and privacy?
posted by ODiV at 9:22 AM on March 2, 2010 [7 favorites]


My kink is sitting perfectly still in chairs and drinking Diet Coke. Sometimes I blink but not nearly as much as I did back in college.
posted by Damn That Television at 9:23 AM on March 2, 2010 [21 favorites]


i already torture people on here with my commenting.
posted by the aloha at 9:29 AM on March 2, 2010 [3 favorites]


I, for one, am glad to see you found your sober alter ego.
posted by gman at 9:29 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


ODiV, I'm pretty sure ifds wasn't saying "I don't post personal details to MeFi," but rather talking about the consequences that might come up if one does. I think she's got a handle on what she's comfortable posting about.
posted by ocherdraco at 9:30 AM on March 2, 2010


Weren't you just in another MeTa thread with serious concerns about your post history and privacy?

Not hers. She was asking for more transparency in the process, not the ability to hide her own history.
posted by zarq at 9:32 AM on March 2, 2010


ODiV, as far as I remember, I have never asked the moderators to delete, edit, or anonymize any of my posts, questions, or comments.

I think that the policy here about deletions/comment histories/perpetual licenses could be a lot better than it is, but I understand that it has to be weighed against the integrity of the site, continuity, and other concerns that I may or may not fully understand. I have and continue to put myself out there, especially in AskMe, because I think that the benefit outweighs my privacy concerns. My awareness of the specifics of the policies here does make me more hesitant than I have been in the past, and I will weigh that when I comment in the future, but the policies haven't actually changed and neither have I.

Thank you for your concern about my privacy.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 9:33 AM on March 2, 2010 [3 favorites]


My kink is sitting perfectly still in chairs and drinking Diet Coke. Sometimes I blink but not nearly as much as I did back in college.

I sit in chairs and drink Diet Coke too, but all my "blinking" is in the missionary position: eyes firmly closed at all times.
posted by DU at 9:36 AM on March 2, 2010


Okay, sorry. Didn't mean to derail this much.
posted by ODiV at 9:39 AM on March 2, 2010


I drink Diet Coke and Pepsi, but us "poly" folks don't get no respect.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 9:40 AM on March 2, 2010 [3 favorites]


Now the pee pee in your Coke joke has a whole new fetish-y connection in my brain. Gross DTT, take that filth to fetlife.
posted by Juicy Avenger at 9:45 AM on March 2, 2010


Coke Yellow
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 9:53 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm drinking Mountain Dew right now :<
posted by Juicy Avenger at 9:54 AM on March 2, 2010


We'll plan some meetups, play some board games, drink some hot cocoa. You know, the usual BDSM stuff.

Entertainingly, this is almost exactly what I'll be doing tonight, with the most active BDSM people* I'm aware of knowing. Now that I come to think of it, in my little social venn diagram "people that I know are into BDSM" overlaps almost entirely with "people that I know are into board games". Both sets are contained entirely in "geeks that I know". Maybe they're both big geek** pastimes, making forms of innocent fun more complicated (and rules-oriented?) than they strictly need to be?

Er, sorry to trample into your meetup thread. Carry on.

*BDSMers? kinksters? Baden Powell Fan Club members?
**Er, using "geek" in it's best possible sense. Something like "knowledgeble and passionate about non-mainstream stuff". Geek pride, woo!
posted by metaBugs at 9:57 AM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


This works well for NYC or SF, but we're kind of screwed out here in flyover country, as I can't imagine there are enough kinky mefites in Chicago/Milwaukee that would be willing to come to a specifically BDSM-themed meetup.

But if there are, I'd be happy to help organize it. Gmail's in profile if you want to be anon.
posted by desjardins at 10:13 AM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


Geeks and BDSM?

I feel like there is a good Gimp/ GIMP joke to be had here...
posted by quin at 10:13 AM on March 2, 2010 [3 favorites]


Coke Yellow

lol
posted by Damn That Television at 10:18 AM on March 2, 2010


Nixed a couple comments. Not sure what that was about, but take it elsewhere.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:38 AM on March 2, 2010


I feel like there is a good Gimp/ GIMP joke to be had here...

Here you go.
posted by lukemeister at 10:44 AM on March 2, 2010


Bring out the gimp... aw shit what are all the separate windows in my task bar?!?
posted by Rhomboid at 10:46 AM on March 2, 2010 [3 favorites]


"as far as I remember, I have never asked the moderators to delete, edit, or anonymize any of my posts, questions, or comments."

ifdssn9, as your account is less than two weeks old, that's not very far to remember. I'm not calling you out on this MeTa question, but due to your experienced tone and jokey name I am merely curious if this is an alternate account set up to let your freak flag fly. None of my business of course, but I can't help wondering. If the answer is already common knowledge, never mind!
posted by longsleeves at 10:53 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


longsleeves, ifdssn9 is a long-standing member who has chosen to use an alternate account after shutting their last one down.
posted by zarq at 10:55 AM on March 2, 2010


Oh, and welcome back, ifdssn9. :) I should have said that earlier!
posted by zarq at 10:56 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


OK Then!
posted by longsleeves at 11:01 AM on March 2, 2010


Ooh, what a fun game. I won't tell you who it is either.

Unless you give me five dollars.
posted by ludwig_van at 11:13 AM on March 2, 2010


Back to the original purpose of the thread, hey, I'm in. I've left a few answers that outed me already anyway, so what the hell.
posted by Eshkol at 11:22 AM on March 2, 2010


I can narrow ifdssn9's identity down as "Not Me." The kinkiest I get is spooning backwards.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 11:23 AM on March 2, 2010


My only fetish is pretending I have fetishes I don't actually have. I'm not sure whether I'm invited or not.
posted by lore at 11:24 AM on March 2, 2010


My fetish is made of cheese.
posted by crataegus at 11:42 AM on March 2, 2010


As far as the post title is concerned, I wanted to point out that you misspelled "stenotype."
posted by koeselitz at 11:54 AM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


Heck, I love The Kinks o wait
posted by not_on_display at 12:02 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


No, it's "stegotype." Dinos were kinky FIRST.
posted by longsleeves at 12:07 PM on March 2, 2010


I like to scissor.

I don't even know what that means.
posted by slogger at 12:08 PM on March 2, 2010


Geeks are drawn to BDSM because, whether we want to admit it or not, BDSM is just a different flavor of LARP. I do not mean this in a pejorative sense, as I've had great experiences with both, but they are definitely two sides of the same extremely nerdy coin.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 12:24 PM on March 2, 2010 [30 favorites]


I like to scissor.

Since you're male, I somehow doubt that.
posted by Pope Guilty at 12:26 PM on March 2, 2010


My kink is sitting perfectly still in chairs and drinking Diet Coke. Sometimes I blink but not nearly as much as I did back in college.

Say that again. Slower.
posted by The Deej at 12:32 PM on March 2, 2010 [4 favorites]




I like to scissor.

I don't even know what that means.


posted by slogger

All I know is, I have the sudden urge to say scissorsloggerscissorsloggerscissorslogger.

and now so do you
posted by davejay at 1:04 PM on March 2, 2010


Oooh! CBT!!!

Oh. THAT kind :/
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 1:11 PM on March 2, 2010


I can barely remember my long-ass name

Your long-ass name recently had me almost emailing the mods, or starting a MeTa, because a post of mine apparently had 3 favourites, recently favourited by four people. A side effect of a favourited-then-unfavourited comment? How bizarre!

An accidental mouseover and forehead slap later I realize that one of the 3 favourites is from a person with two parts of a name joined by a comma.
You kinky bastard.
posted by Durn Bronzefist at 1:27 PM on March 2, 2010


Parasite Unseen BDSM is just a different flavor of LARP.

I had never thought of it that way. Sooo many things make sooo much more sense now! Thank you!
posted by MuChao at 1:42 PM on March 2, 2010


i am in. boston area represent!
posted by rmd1023 at 2:23 PM on March 2, 2010


Oooh! CBT!!!

Oh. THAT kind :/


I'm glad I'm not the only one who always thinks that. Certain AskMes are often just -way too entertaining- for me.

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a mental age of fourteen. Why do you ask?
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 2:54 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


BDSM is just a different flavor of LARP.

Funniest goddam thing I've read in a loooong time.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:56 PM on March 2, 2010


BDSM is just a different flavor of LARP.

hilariously, i was looking for new cuffs on etsy and said outloud to the soon to be husband "the problem is that too many artisan kink gear makers are LARPers"
posted by nadawi at 3:02 PM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


You guys like role playing?
posted by The Winsome Parker Lewis at 3:06 PM on March 2, 2010


I am in.
posted by newpotato at 3:51 PM on March 2, 2010


OK, I'll bite: How the hell do you spoon backwards?
posted by FelliniBlank at 4:45 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


OK, I'll bite: How the hell do you spoon backwards?

Someone should have already told you this, but ... OK ... Look, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they hug in a special way...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:56 PM on March 2, 2010


I don't understand people who pay doms to abuse them. Don't they have bosses or parents?
posted by jonmc at 5:01 PM on March 2, 2010


It isn't abuse, jonmc.
posted by FunkyHelix at 5:30 PM on March 2, 2010


Yeah, but bosses and parents are shit amateurs at abuse.
posted by klangklangston at 5:34 PM on March 2, 2010


Maybe yours are.
posted by jonmc at 5:35 PM on March 2, 2010 [6 favorites]


Who wants to see their parents in thigh high boots? And if you do, please don't tell me about it.
posted by desjardins at 5:44 PM on March 2, 2010 [5 favorites]


Thigh-high boots are for fisherman. Anybody else looks ridiculous in them.
posted by jonmc at 5:50 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


I knew a bloke at uni who got a psychology degree and worked in the Australian Army. He told me the best thing that ever happened to the ADF was psychological testing of recruits, and that there were a certain number of people who joined up who just... liked being yelled at by powerful people.
bosses and parents are shit amateurs at abuse
Anyone who likes abuse who's feeling like they're not being dominated enough: come to Sydney and try and rent a flat. Fucking fascist real estate agents here'd make R. Lee Ermey look like Gandhi.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:56 PM on March 2, 2010


jonmc is more twisted than i thought - mommy/daddy fishermen roleplay? even i'm not that kinky.
posted by nadawi at 6:28 PM on March 2, 2010 [2 favorites]


fishermen roleplay?

some people like to master bait.

(I'm sorry)
posted by jonmc at 6:46 PM on March 2, 2010 [10 favorites]


Thigh-high boots are for fisherman. Anybody else looks ridiculous in them.

Even fishermen look funny when they haven't learned how to walk properly in high heels.
posted by Forktine at 7:25 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


I would just like to chime in here and say hooray! and thank you for starting our very own fetlife group. Let the (board) games begin!
posted by newpotato at 7:38 PM on March 2, 2010


This is why you google the hell out of your nanny. SHE COULD BE DRINKING COCOA.
posted by Sallyfur at 8:29 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


Count me in. I'll make you listen to my views about how MetaFilter should be run. Then I'll give you a good spanking.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 8:34 PM on March 2, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's threads and ideas like this that make me wish I lived near a bigger city... because I'm pretty sure that there aren't a lot of y'all down here in the Deep South. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to get my kinks vicariously until I move out of this tiny town.
posted by patheral at 9:33 PM on March 2, 2010


fishermen roleplay?

some people like to master bait.

(I'm sorry)


Are those Primus lyrics?
posted by mannequito at 10:19 PM on March 2, 2010


slug bug!
posted by y2karl at 11:24 PM on March 2, 2010


I don't understand people who pay doms to abuse them. Don't they have bosses or parents?

Yes, yes, we get it, you're cooler than everyone else, bravo, have a cookie.
posted by rodgerd at 12:29 AM on March 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


patheral: "It's threads and ideas like this that make me wish I lived near a bigger city... because I'm pretty sure that there aren't a lot of y'all down here in the Deep South. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to get my kinks vicariously until I move out of this tiny town."

You'd be surprised by the little communities that pop up in various places. There are also larger events that draw a somewhat national crowd. They're usually on the Eastern seaboard but not always. I suggest joining FetLife with a new email account specifically for FetLife notifications and similar.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 1:16 AM on March 3, 2010


jonmc: "I don't understand people who pay doms to abuse them. Don't they have bosses or parents?"

We'll always have MetaTalk

*sniffle*
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 1:18 AM on March 3, 2010


w00t!
posted by By The Grace of God at 2:11 AM on March 3, 2010


This is why you google the hell out of your nanny. SHE COULD BE DRINKING COCOA.

My secret is out. *weeps* I tried so hard to stay away, but the cocoa was too delicious!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:17 AM on March 3, 2010


Note to youngest daughter: Please not to be posting in this thread.

kthxbye.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 5:23 AM on March 3, 2010 [8 favorites]


Hey, hi, could we all remember that this is peoples sexuality that's getting mocked and belittled here? I for one can live without all the ha-has...
posted by newpotato at 6:10 AM on March 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


Vanillazone!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 6:21 AM on March 3, 2010


Hey, hi, could we all remember that this is peoples sexuality that's getting mocked and belittled here? I for one can live without all the ha-has...

Fair enough, but it's hard to take a post seriously whose title is a tongue-in-cheek joke making fun of itself. I don't think I've been mocking anyone, at least I'm not trying to, but it's hard to draw the line when the people involved are poking fun at themselves. Were the thread started on a more serious note, the "mocking" would definitely be easier to define and more out of place.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:23 AM on March 3, 2010


I'll make you listen to my views about how MetaFilter should be run.

That's hot! (If you have a fetish for tediousness.)
posted by octobersurprise at 6:27 AM on March 3, 2010


it's hard to draw the line when the people involved are poking fun at themselves.

I think there's a good test, though -- are you making fun of yourself, or of other people? Skimming through the lulz in this thread, it isn't that hard to tell them apart, in most cases. Sexuality is an uncomfortable topic for many people, and it's a lot easier to come out with with deflecting humor than with seriousness. And then you add in that we are talking about a strand of sexuality that is often caricatured and stigmatized, and you get what you see in this thread.

Honestly, this is kind of shitty, just as it would be if someone proposed an Austin meetup and the thread was entirely filled with LOLTEXAS humor. I don't live in NY, so I'm not going to benefit from the proposed cocoa. But it still rankles that a serious attempt is being derailed so completely.
posted by Forktine at 6:40 AM on March 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


Thanks Forktine, you have responded much more eloquently than I was about to, and covered every point and then some.
posted by newpotato at 7:08 AM on March 3, 2010


a strand of sexuality that is often caricatured and stigmatized

"What is every type of sexuality that doesn't involve contraceptive-free missionary between a husband and wife in the dark, Alex?" (oops, I just caricatured and stigmatized that too.)

Honestly, this is kind of shitty, just as it would be if someone proposed an Austin meetup and the thread was entirely filled with LOLTEXAS humor.

If someone proposed an Austin meetup revolving around (BDSM or non) sexual activity you better believe there would be jokes.
posted by ODiV at 7:11 AM on March 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


grapefruitmoon: "Fair enough, but it's hard to take a post seriously whose title is a tongue-in-cheek joke making fun of itself. "

I am not offended by your comments here, but please note that a significant percentage of threads on the grey, green, and blue have jokey titles.

I like to make jokes about myself before other people can make them, but yeah, sometimes the jokes sting a little.* There was a comment in the recent thread about fat fetish/monogamy about the "moral high ground" that hurt my feelings. In the spirit of my title, next I'm going to take my feelings-having self to a botanical garden, find some floaty scarves, and turn on a wind machine, because MetaTalk is obviously not for me.


*And sometimes that's a bad thing.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 7:35 AM on March 3, 2010


IFDS,SN9. I agree. I can't see how (or even why) your post could have been more serious. Most posters put an effort into making their titles clever, I don't know why that is being used as a justification for the lulz.

I think I was reading the same Askme as you and had the same thought as you with regards to bringing the kinky mefites into the light, but there was no way I was going to brave the inevitable snark and lulz that would be sure to follow.

So once again, thank you for doing it, and don't let the vanillas get you down (NOT VANILLA-IST)
posted by newpotato at 7:51 AM on March 3, 2010


In case it wasn't clear, I was only poking fun at myself. It would be extremely hypocritical of me to mock BDSM.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 8:11 AM on March 3, 2010


While I agree with Forktine, I had really low expectations of this meta to begin with, so they've pretty much been met. Meta doesn't really do any subject with any sense of gravitas. Not that this needed it, but the lulz were very predictable.

To my fellow kinksters: recruit recruit recruit! We can't keep posting meta threads to drag people over to FL, so spread the word. Maybe there's an appropriate place on the wiki that no one reads?

Also, please be careful not to cross streams and post someone's FL name here, or vice versa, unless they've outed themselves.
posted by desjardins at 8:26 AM on March 3, 2010 [2 favorites]


I am kinky and I am totally fine with you making fun of me in this thread

warning: I may enjoy it
posted by serazin at 9:06 AM on March 3, 2010 [5 favorites]


Awesome. Signed up.
posted by mrbill at 11:59 AM on March 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


Your favorite sexual activity sucks.
posted by y2karl at 12:35 PM on March 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I just let out an involuntary "meow" while reading this thread. I just thought you should know that.
posted by MuChao at 1:53 PM on March 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


y2karl: “Your favorite sexual activity sucks.”

How the hell did you know that? Thought this thing was supposed to be private.
posted by koeselitz at 2:30 PM on March 3, 2010 [1 favorite]


I am pervert. Hear me squick the vanillas.

I'm all up in this fetlife thing, so I will totally join your group. Oh, and patheral, I'm also in the deep south. It's not the ideal place for people like us, true, but we do survive. And as others have said, Fetlife is probably the quickest way to find your local organizations. But if that doesn't do the trick for you, send me a memail and I might be able to help.

And oh yes; this thread and the Fetlife group were good ideas. Two thumbs up.
posted by Clay201 at 6:02 AM on March 4, 2010


but the lulz were very predictable.

The only thing worse than stupid lulz are tired lulz. Perhaps MeFi's lesbians can post a meet-up thread so the rapier wits here can take some 70s-era "you must have just had a bad experience with a guy" schtick there and complete some sort of set of tedious and unfunny.
posted by rodgerd at 11:20 PM on March 4, 2010 [1 favorite]


Someone made a post so the like minded could hook up--that is a first for MetaTalk as far as I can tell. It's a public plea for possible private adult activities. I don't recall anything like it before this. I don't think MetaTalk being a dating service was what anyone here initially had in mind. So, what if folks got a little why don't you just get a room about it ? The topic has been treated very gently, no pun intended, and with far more respect than would be had at many another forum. There is not quite need to get all MOM! BILLY PUT HIS HAND ON MY SIDE OF THE BACK SEAT! about it.

And if we are going to have some adult meet ups announced here, well, how about MeFi's secret swingers ? How about MeFi married couples looking for some outside no strings action ? Or GetOffMyLawnboys my age looking for some hot young juicy forty year olds ? What do you think the hive mind's reaction to that would be ? Irreverent ? Well, duh....

It's a community weblog with a membership number exceeding 100,000--what do you want ? Special treatment ? Hushed respect ? All the squares to leave the room so the truly hip can interact at Club MetaTalk ? As if.

Perhaps the lulz were predictable but so is playing the moral victim over an imagined slight. As is adopting a condescending--LOLnotavanillaist--tone thereafter, and, well, this is by no means the first time either of those ever happened here.

And as far as the post's intent, well, Mission Accomplished. Those with a need to know now know and no harm done. It's take it MeMail win win and turtles all the way down. Np need to too quickly don the pure white garment of the Special JohnQSensitive Snowflake over what is after all very little very small talk. Talk about tedious and unfunny.
posted by y2karl at 1:47 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Maybe the reason we are sensitive about it is because we are not dealing with shits and giggles oooh this is how I like to play when I get bored with regular sex kind of stuff. This is our sexuality. Period. This is how we have sex. It is not comparable to swinging or cheating or any other hanging from the chandelier fun night out type of optional sexual activity.

A more appropriate analogy would be if someone came into MeTa and said, hey gay mefites, wanna all get together on this other website we have in common since it seems like there are a few of us here... and in come the anal sex jokes from the cheap seats.


It's pretty obvious from your comment that you don't understand that this is not play to us, but rather our sexual identity. That's fine, most people don't know enough about it to understand it, but when we ask for the courtesy to not be mocked, we don't expect to then be further berated for expecting to receive it.

You also say it was a call for a hook up for some "private adult activities", or as dating service. At this point I just want to say shut the fuck up Y2Karl because you really truly have no idea what you're talking about.
It's as much about being a dating service as any call for a meetup or call for fellow librarians or programmers or whatnot to get together.

We're not looking for hushed respect, just a basic level of respect and common courtesy.

And c'mon, seriously, when has the NOTBlankIST ever been meant as condescending rather than just as an in joke??
posted by newpotato at 6:39 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


So, what if folks got a little why don't you just get a room about it ?

But that's exactly what the post was about. It directed people to another site where we could have conversations amongst ourselves.

The topic has been treated very gently, no pun intended, and with far more respect than would be had at many another forum.


Yay, we're better than reddit? That's kind of a low bar, there.

Perhaps the lulz were predictable but so is playing the moral victim over an imagined slight.

Read rodgerd's comment just above yours. People would be screaming bloody murder if this were a gay or lesbian meetup thread and these kinds of comments were made.
posted by desjardins at 6:41 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Talk about tedious and unfunny.

Wow, it's like watching Great-Uncle Joe flounce off from the dinner table when he's told his renditions of "Ching Chong Chinaman" aren't considered the height of wit this century, yelling about "PC gone mad" as he exits.
posted by rodgerd at 9:50 AM on March 5, 2010


And c'mon, seriously, when has the NOTBlankIST ever been meant as condescending rather than just as an in joke??

I wholeheartedly agree and so, for that matter, when has your favorite [category] sucks ever been meant as condescending rather than just as an in joke?? Apart from that I am responsible for slug bug! here--which was a blurt and noise and not a heartbreaking snark of staggering genius but, all the same, on the dog making a play bow level of malice. C'mon seriously, etc.

People would be screaming bloody murder if this were a gay or lesbian meetup thread and these kinds of comments were made.

People screamed bloody murder when it was older gals with younger guys vs older guys with younger gals. People would scream over anything, reading absolutely the worst in whatever the identified offender wrote. And it's as easy to read the worst in what someone else is saying, not to mention the raving stupidity there of as it is easy to see how bon one's mot and pure one's own heart is. Yah, I know how it feels to hear the same ol' same ol' sometimes but at the same time I did not read anything intentionally spiteful or condemnatory in anything anybody else wrote, either.

But then, I realize all too well that we all look at the world from the wrong end of our personal telescopes, and can make yonder molehill into even yonder mountain without breaking into a sweat. So, it's the other folks who are at fault or thoughtless or whatever and maybe it comes down as usual to whose ox is getting gored at the moment.

Which, upon reflects, makes me a bit more sanguine about seeing ill intent in or getting het up over seeing the same old flying spaghetti Santa superman in the sky crapola or some similarly misanthropomorphic diety rant when someone wants to whack on the old bearded guy in robes concept.

Plus I was looking for a link I put in a post from six years or so ago this morning and, man, if I come across some bon mot I just thought up yesterday. How was it that maxim of La Rochefoucauld went ? How comes it we can remember the events of our lives in perfect detail and yet forget to to who it was we already told them. And I am embarrased to admit that I repeat myself in the mundane world. This, too, makes me take less umbrage at all the floating pasta punching bags being seemingly constantly rerun here. You get a bug in your ear--or eye, in this case--and notice some zinger that seems so old.

Which doesn't seem so irritating seen from a more distant time and with a renewed appreciation of my own lapses of memory--so, go figure. Mote, eye, beam and so forth. I'm not that bent out of shape about anything today. And I am sure I probably said all that in one way or another before sometime, too. So, I am not setting a higher bar for anyone else today, thank you.

posted by y2karl at 11:15 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Wow, it's like watching Great-Uncle Joe flounce off...

That, combined with the thread's subject totally reminded me of this.
posted by ODiV at 11:31 AM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


It's pretty obvious from your comment that you don't understand that this is not play to us, but rather our sexual identity. That's fine, most people don't know enough about it to understand it, but when we ask for the courtesy to not be mocked, we don't expect to then be further berated for expecting to receive it.

Well, my identity,sexual or otherwise is usually just not that serious a matter to me. Maybe it's some myopia of vanilla privilege but, when not on my own high horse, the play element rules in my identity, sexual or otherwise. I don't expect not to be mocked or have what I say misconstrued. Oh, the hurt, it burns but still, asking to be taken seriously and for the courtesy not to be mocked, well, Good Flying Spaghetti Monster, it's hardly a major berating to suggest good luck with that. People who were into making with the flying pasta cracks thought it was a thought crime, censorship and delicate flowerdom to suggest any restraint at all on the topic of mocking and hating on religion in general and, man, they were so serious about it. That one went a 1000 polarized comments with no consensus. (And I will note that no one here went on a rant about how evil role playing BDSM and that it should be eradicated whatsoever.) And, seriously unseriously, comparing anything I said here to someone saying Well, all you need is a good you know what to a MeFi lesbian is a wee bit overdrawn--I know, I know, self-serving outcome biases in self perception and all that but there it is: my p.o.v. I do know this: what is personally magical is never universal. One person's turn on, not unlike one person's tattoo, is another person's meh-stery if not laugh in. But you know, bottom line, as the Bobster once said, I'll let you be in my dream if you let me be in your dream and so on, or, heck, even if you won't. It's all one to me. Or meh, if you prefer.

I know I do. Fly into the meh-stery. I gotta be meh. Ehn so on....

Mehmories--like the elbows of meh mind. Mystery water color meh-mories....
posted by y2karl at 1:16 PM on March 5, 2010 [1 favorite]


Dude. Chill the fuck out.
posted by ocherdraco at 1:18 PM on March 5, 2010


He seems pretty chill to me.
posted by koeselitz at 1:28 PM on March 5, 2010


Sure, he's chill, but did he bring enough for everyone?
posted by newpotato at 2:07 PM on March 5, 2010


MehBe, MehBe not.
posted by y2karl at 3:25 PM on March 5, 2010


Right.

Bdsm practicing people don't have access to a wide variety of jobs, including any dealing with kids or with a high public profile. if a bottom goes to hospital they risk their partners going to jail. If they need a shrink they can't necessarily find one that will be kink aware and if they're not then they won't be able to talk fully about important parts of their lives particularly if their primary relationship has a bdsm component.

There is a genuine political and rights issue here, the difference is bdsm has not had it's Stonewall Rebellion and half of the kinksters out there still compartmentalise it.

so yeah I can understand that people in this thread, many of whom will have made big sacrifices to express their sexuality, will be a bit miffed at the lulz.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:45 PM on March 5, 2010


To clarify, I mean that the bottom going to hospital for unrelated reasons - like they have appendicitis or whatever - but happen to have marks on them from consensual bdsm activity - can put their partner at risk
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:47 PM on March 5, 2010


Thanks BTGOG, I have likened being kinky to being gay before the gay pride revolution before, as it seems to best fit the situation. I'm glad to know that others think of it this way as well.

I think the main problem is that most people do think that being kinky is something that people do for fun, rather than a sexual orientation. It's just an issue of not having the correct information. Can't blame them. If I wasn't kinky, I wouldn't know enough about it to not draw the same conclusions.

Overcoming the stigma attached to it is a huge problem as far as educating people, and one that is unlikely to be overcome soon. Very few people are willing to out themselves and discuss this, understandably so, given the potential repercussions and eyeballing that is most likely to follow.

Luckily, the internet has started to bring us out and together, so maybe once we get our flag designed we can start moving on getting our revolution going.
posted by newpotato at 5:25 AM on March 6, 2010


Oh, it's for fun too :P
posted by By The Grace of God at 7:03 AM on March 6, 2010


So adding FL to the social media icons on our profile pages is out, then?
posted by jtron at 8:56 PM on March 6, 2010


Ooh that would be a great pony! :)
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:35 AM on March 7, 2010


I would smile 5 times a day if we had that.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 11:38 AM on March 7, 2010


It won't be implemented because the site requires a login to view profiles (as it should be).
posted by desjardins at 8:29 AM on March 8, 2010


I would not smile 5 times a day if we had that.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 9:27 AM on March 8, 2010


For those of you still watching and interested:

We're having a NYC Metafilter/Kink meetup tonight, March 11th, 7pm, at Ozzie's on 7th Ave in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

Apologies for the late cross-post
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 2:09 PM on March 11, 2010


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