She wouldn't know a portabello if it bit her in the bupkis

November 12, 2005 1:01 PM

Just wouldn't want anyone to miss out on the mycological furor in aisle 46610.
posted by Count Ziggurat to Etiquette/Policy at 1:01 PM (96 comments total)

Matt deleted the double post in aisle 46611 quite some time ago. I can only assume he's seen the shenanigans in the neighboring aisle and is laughing too hard to pick up the mop.
posted by Gator at 1:05 PM on November 12, 2005

I'm deleting this so Major League Baseball doesn't know we're on to their satellites

regretfully, I had missed the tinfoil goodness. I'm happy I caught it now
posted by matteo at 1:18 PM on November 12, 2005

That is the dumbest post I have ever seen on MetaFilter.
posted by kjh at 1:22 PM on November 12, 2005

Matt is paid (weakly) by the International Aluminum Council (AKA. Major League Baseball) (formerly the International Tin Council) to keep us in the dark about their nefarious plans.
posted by Balisong at 1:23 PM on November 12, 2005

threads like those make me glad to be a mefite.
posted by Stynxno at 1:26 PM on November 12, 2005

Isn't it mind-boggling that someone who's been here any length of time longer than a week would think that it is appropriate to make that post??
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 1:35 PM on November 12, 2005

What I found most mind-boggling were the many people who said the post wasn't so bad, or would have been fine if the [mi] had arrived on time.

Actually, I think it might have been okay if the [mi] and the [lo] had been switched. Anyone with me?
posted by Aknaton at 1:40 PM on November 12, 2005

It's a good reminder that, while the invective and petty jokes and snarking and criticism and anal attentiveness to rules at MeFi is usually a bad thing, it isn't always a bad thing.
posted by Bugbread at 1:41 PM on November 12, 2005

Aknaton writes "Anyone with me?"

Maybe if there was a little less editorializing.
posted by Mitheral at 1:51 PM on November 12, 2005

yeah, I'm personally stunned that anyone thought that post was anything close to possibly acceptable - it was so hilariously terrible in basically every way - link to a pointless jpg, essentially a personal blog entry of total irrelevance to, well, anything, expressing a bizarre snobbery, revealing ignorance & bigotry along the way... it made me cringe.
But the discussion inside was pretty funny (although those few comments suggesting it wasn't such a bad post etc really were mind boggling)
posted by mdn at 1:57 PM on November 12, 2005

It wouldn't have been a kick-ass post, but, yeah, it would have been fine.

And (in case MiHail is reading this), less editorializing ≠ no anecdotal posting. For example, it could have been phrased along the lines of "I went to the grocery store today, and the person at the register couldn't identify a portobello mushroom without looking at the PLU code. That started me wondering..." etc., without the "Amerika" "declining education" "I've read articles about this phenomenon", etc. No editorializing doesn't mean no personalizing, just that it shouldn't be ranty, and the backstory should be secondary to the most important bit, the link.

And, if it seemed long and needed a MI, make sure that the important links go on the front page, and the less important stuff inside (makes sense: the front page of MeFi is for links, the insides of individual posts are for people interested in further discussion), and make sure you have everything typed up and ready to paste.
posted by Bugbread at 2:00 PM on November 12, 2005

What bugbread said. I'm actually starting to feel sorry for MiHail, who sounds like a decent sort and has apologized for what (to me) was the worst feature of the post, the snobbish-sounding putdown of people who run cash registers.
posted by languagehat at 2:03 PM on November 12, 2005

I too ended up feeling sorry for MiHail, who seemed to be posting with the best of intentions. I have to agree with everyone who said it was a great thread though - I can't remember the last time a MeFi post made me laugh out loud several times in the thread. This is really, oddly enough, what makes up the best of the Web sometimes! ;)
posted by Lynsey at 2:09 PM on November 12, 2005

The slam on the cash register operator still would have been a shitty thing to say if it was in the comments, but at least it wouldn't have cause such a spectacle
posted by Space Coyote at 2:11 PM on November 12, 2005

The thread is now tagged with both "mushrooms" and "snobbery". Heh.
posted by Gator at 2:36 PM on November 12, 2005

That post ws insanely hilarious. The initial whining and attempted defense of what was essentially a weak post atrociously realized is what catapulted the pile on into the stratosphere.
posted by Falconetti at 2:38 PM on November 12, 2005

gator,
I did that.
posted by MiHail at 2:46 PM on November 12, 2005

Awesome, MiHail.
posted by cortex at 2:47 PM on November 12, 2005

Yes, you are the only one who could, as far as I know, other than admins.

I notice your new and improved profile description too, by the way.
posted by Gator at 2:48 PM on November 12, 2005

Haha, MiHail is a good sport after all. No one has or will ever remember me, but MiHail, you are now a MeFi celebrity.
posted by Falconetti at 2:49 PM on November 12, 2005

you know, even if the [mi] had been the post, this still would have sucked. Here, I'll make a comparably constructed post full of fascinating information about oysters. now, imagine that there are links in here to valuable and intriguing information:

You know, while walking down the beach near my parents' home town the other day, I started thinking: What, exactly, is an oyster? Well, everyone knows (or they WOULD know if amerikkka weren't educated stupid) that the best oysters come from long island's own Oyster Bay, am I right? Yeah, I thought so. But did you know that oysterin in Oyster Bay is in trouble? No, you didn't know that, even though you WORK NEAR AN OYSTER SHOP! You should be ashamed of yourself. Anyhoo, oystering in Oyster Bay is in trouble because of a little known radioactive isotope released into the waters of the Long Island Sound by jealous Connecticut Oysterers (or Oysterpersons) who want a greater market share in the valuable but underappreciated mollusc for themselves. I swear, the nerve of people who don't know that oysters are molluscs.

see, now that's STILL a garbage post.
posted by shmegegge at 2:54 PM on November 12, 2005

I swear, the nerve of people who don't know that oysters are molluscs.

roffle.
posted by Kwantsar at 3:01 PM on November 12, 2005

What was it that Clayton Williams once said about the weather in Texas? Does that apply here?
posted by puddles at 3:02 PM on November 12, 2005

No one has or will ever remember me, but MiHail, you are now a MeFi celebrity.

I will remember you, Falconetti. Fondly.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:09 PM on November 12, 2005

I totally missed the thread when cruising through the site this afternoon but I just enjoyed reading through it, and I usually frown upon that kind of wankery ("who you calling cantalope, daikon?" was the highlight for me), but it was actually funny.
posted by mathowie (staff) at 3:11 PM on November 12, 2005

And fondly will I remember your remembering of Falconetti, mrgrimm.

*fondles*
posted by cortex at 3:11 PM on November 12, 2005

Falconetti: No one has or will ever remember me...

I will remember you for this comment, which struck me as the funniest thing in the entire thread.
posted by JeffL at 3:14 PM on November 12, 2005

I think I left something essential out of the post: I'd read an article recently about a woman who purchased an artichoke and was surprised when the cashier didn't know what it was (in that case, the cashier DID comment that she'd never eaten one). I searched for quite a while looking for said article but could not find it anywhere. I think my assumption that the checker in my incident had therefore not consumed said controversial mushroom was pretty safe.

I do regret my personal comments about her, but I happen to know that she probably started out as a cart collector or bagger before becoming a cashier, a coveted position at that chain. I also happen to know that this store, which pays its cashiers well, REQUIRES them to take a weekly "produce quiz"--not to memorize numbers or prices, necessarily, but to be able to identify various produce items. They do have to have a passing familiarity with the sale papers but the sale prices are usually programmed into the computer for them. They don't need to memorize every apple (apples have stickers to help them out) but they do need to know when a customer is buying one of the more oddball stickerless things, like, say, a fennel bulb, to prevent the "What's this" syndrome.

And I thought the "What's this?" pic on the FP was appropriate since that was one of the things I planned to discuss. My only regret is that I didn't make it smaller and just stick a little mushroom picture in there instead. I probably should have avoided the sweeping generalization about education and noted that this person was annoyed that she had to disengage from her trance state and figure out what the hell she was holding in her hand. From there a more general discussion of whether conveniences such as barcoding and PLUs are a "dumbing down" device vs. "convenient for checker and store inventory" might have commenced. I for one found it interesting that a 5-number code starting with "8" means it is genetically modified.

As for the "this is the worst post ever" comments, I'm very sorry I didn't meet MeFi standards. I am, as I have said, a very long-time lurker and can remember times when silly posts amidst the newsfilter/politicalfilter/snarkfilter were a bit more welcome and a bit less flamed for their imperfections. I'll keep studying, though, but I'm sure it will be a long time before I dare post again. Then I'll expect to be flamed for being a "what do you know, you never post" person.

Spelling: I AM, I SWEAR I am using spellcheck. I hate a misspelled word as much as the next person. What am I doing wrong?

I'm thinking of hiring Collette of Collette's Cakes for my pity party. Too obvious? Maybe I should try someone more pretentious.
posted by MiHail at 3:16 PM on November 12, 2005

And FWIW, I know I am longwinded, something my faculty advisor is trying to beat out of me.

And I like bloggish posts. So neener.
posted by MiHail at 3:17 PM on November 12, 2005

Nap.
posted by Gator at 3:19 PM on November 12, 2005

Neenering will never redeem the error of bloggishry. Also, stop with the pity party jokes.
posted by cortex at 3:25 PM on November 12, 2005

Fine, cortex, for you I'll be brief. How 'bout explaining spellcheck to me? I double-click and nothing appears to happen, leading me to believe all is well in my post.
posted by MiHail at 3:30 PM on November 12, 2005

FWIW, I did try highlighting entire portions of text, as well as suspect words, and double-clicking.
posted by MiHail at 3:32 PM on November 12, 2005

If you have a pop-up blocker, you'll never see the window that's supposed to open while your post's spelling is checked. Try holding "ctrl" or "shift" whilst clicking on the spell-check icon.

Plus, I seem to recall reading that the spell-checker only works with IE, but that may be apocryphal.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:35 PM on November 12, 2005

Because it DESERVES a repost:


Feel free to use at your next flameout.
posted by jmccorm at 3:36 PM on November 12, 2005

Yeah, I wasn't refusing to be helpful or anything; I just never use it. Typos galore!
posted by cortex at 3:37 PM on November 12, 2005

Thanks for the tips, crash. If that doesn't wor, maybe I should start typing potential post stuff in word and use that spellchecker.

Maybe it'll even help me be less long-winded, a genetic trait which my Dad blessed me with. If you ever see him coming, run.
posted by MiHail at 3:40 PM on November 12, 2005

err...work

didn't spell check that one, did I
posted by MiHail at 3:40 PM on November 12, 2005

Spelchek is borked. Try using an external word processer or, maybe, a browser extension.
posted by stet at 3:40 PM on November 12, 2005

Also, me type slo.
posted by stet at 3:41 PM on November 12, 2005

jmccorm, just keep it coming. U R so making me ROFLLMAO.
posted by MiHail at 3:42 PM on November 12, 2005

Nap.
posted by Gator at 3:42 PM on November 12, 2005

MiHail: If you're using Firefox, there is an excellent spell-checker extension called "Spellbound". You can add words to the dictionary, which means no more getting annoyed that words like "Mathowie" or "Mefi" are considered mispellings.
posted by Bugbread at 3:43 PM on November 12, 2005

When I care, I use my gmail account as a smell checker.
posted by loquacious at 3:43 PM on November 12, 2005 [1 favorite]

Heh. Spell checker.

OH THE HUGE MAN TITTY.
posted by loquacious at 3:44 PM on November 12, 2005

Dumbest post ever? Please. Just last week, the "I can't believe my real name is on here" AskMe (sry, deleted) handily beat the pants off that post. And let's not forget this classic.

BTW, is anyone keeping an archive of these posts?
posted by mkultra at 3:47 PM on November 12, 2005

Oh, and I totally forgot.

Todd Lokken
posted by mkultra at 3:48 PM on November 12, 2005

Falconetti: No one has or will ever remember me...

I will remember you for this comment, which struck me as the funniest thing in the entire thread.

Damn straight. in a collection of comedy, that was pure gold.
posted by quin at 3:48 PM on November 12, 2005

U R so making me ROFLLMAO.
I thought you were going away.
posted by dness2 at 4:05 PM on November 12, 2005

MiHail, you might be the chattiest lurker ever.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 4:13 PM on November 12, 2005

I was so tempted to post an animated GIF to that thread. Barely restrained myself.

MiHail, welcome to MetaFilter. I was going to include some advice here, but I can't really think of any. Try to have a thick skin? Spend more time on Ask MetaFilter?
posted by russilwvong at 4:17 PM on November 12, 2005

mr_crash_davis writes "Plus, I seem to recall reading that the spell-checker only works with IE, but that may be apocryphal."

Nope... it works for me in Firefox/FreeBSD.
posted by clevershark at 4:26 PM on November 12, 2005

I have a great idea for a social experiment. Make some kind of fake vegetable out of play-doh or something and take it to the cashier in the grocery store...see what happens.

"You don't know what a Quizibbit Root is? I guess your Amerikan education only taught you how to eat hamburgers."
posted by furiousxgeorge at 4:26 PM on November 12, 2005

If the mushroom FPP had appeared in the letters section of FlipSide or MAXIMUMROCKNROLL (say, twenty years ago), the ensuing shitstorm would've been NOWHERE NEAR AS TAME as the puppy pile in MeFi 46610.
posted by Smart Dalek at 4:26 PM on November 12, 2005

loquacious writes "When I care, I use my gmail account as a smell checker."

Google technologies get more and more amazing every day!
posted by clevershark at 4:28 PM on November 12, 2005

Todd Lokken

Denny Crane!
posted by konolia at 4:38 PM on November 12, 2005

I think I left something essential out of the post: I'd read an article recently about a woman who purchased an artichoke
posted by MiHail at 3:16 PM PST on November 12 [!]

Thank you. That explains a lot.
posted by azazello at 4:38 PM on November 12, 2005

Welcome to Metafilter, MiHail. Looks like you'll fit right in :P
posted by delmoi at 4:39 PM on November 12, 2005

I actually think it was the "drooling cashiers" comment that caused the shit storm, but whatever.
posted by Quartermass at 4:40 PM on November 12, 2005

Plus "Amerika".
posted by smackfu at 4:47 PM on November 12, 2005

Plus "You are complete twits."
posted by Gator at 4:50 PM on November 12, 2005

noted that this person was annoyed that she had to disengage from her trance state

Is this typical in the USA? Up where I live, most cashiers are chatty enough that they seem to be conscious. Maybe I should start throwing the word "oyster" into the middle of my sentences, see if they're actually paying attention...
posted by five fresh fish at 4:51 PM on November 12, 2005

I have a great idea for a social experiment. Make some kind of fake vegetable out of play-doh or something and take it to the cashier in the grocery store...see what happens.

"It's a MiHail. You've never seen one before?"
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 4:51 PM on November 12, 2005

five fresh fish, the checkers at our favorite local grocery store are all chatty and polite and occasionally remember us by name. Then again, no one's ever accused Utah of being representative of the rest of the U.S.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:15 PM on November 12, 2005

333 comments? I don't think anyone missed that one.
posted by caddis at 5:32 PM on November 12, 2005

Actually, I think it might have been okay if the [mi] and the [lo] had been switched. Anyone with me?
posted by Aknaton at 1:40 PM PST on November 12 [!]

*raises hand*

That's how I thought the game was played. Neutral FPP and if you've got an opinion say it inside.

In this particular post though the [MI] had too many asides along the line of 'had trouble with this site loading'. Overall it was not up to snuff.

On this particular issue I would have also brought up that the fact that checkers no longer receive proper training in produce identification and PLUs is the reason we have to suffer with fucking stickers on our fucking apples and pears! Don't be surprised to see a sticker coming to a portobello mushroom near you.
posted by Mr T at 5:42 PM on November 12, 2005

Take it to the Blue, T. This here grey is for bitching about the format of posts, and to bitch about what wankers certian posters are.

If you're gonna comment on the actual subject of the post, Leave it in the Blue!

You don't want me to open up a whole 'nother can of MeTa on you, do you?

;-)
posted by Balisong at 5:52 PM on November 12, 2005

Sorry Balisong but when it comes to stickers on fruit I will set up my soapbox any where I damn please. Have you ever tried to get a sticker off a plum?

I did try and preface my mini-rant with some on-topic comments, maybe I wasn't direct enough. To clarify; that post and resulting thread was a less than worthless dog's-breakfast!
posted by Mr T at 6:04 PM on November 12, 2005

BEST. MEFI. THREAD. EVAR!
posted by jmccorm at 7:03 PM on November 12, 2005

I was going out tonight, but that thread is so fucking awesome I'm just gonna drink at home instead.
posted by hototogisu at 7:37 PM on November 12, 2005

MiHail, this is painful to watch. I'm surprised nobody has offered you this advice yet though: What Is A Good Post.

Keep your chin up, mate.
posted by sjvilla79 at 7:45 PM on November 12, 2005

Welcome back to the world, sjvilla79.
posted by cortex at 7:55 PM on November 12, 2005

cortex, me doing good am I in people-land where things normal they are.

Thanks, though. Feeling great since kicking the pills and getting some sleep. Yeah. Been eating bananas too. Can't underestimate the power of a good, ripe 'nana.
posted by sjvilla79 at 8:00 PM on November 12, 2005

on the other hand, what the fuck? (or, welcome to the fold, depending)
posted by cortex at 8:07 PM on November 12, 2005

on the other hand, what the fuck? (or, welcome to the fold, depending)

I'll admit that was a bit harsh. I'd just woken. Plus, it made me feel good to be an a-hole for once. So it's safe to come over. Really.
posted by sjvilla79 at 8:29 PM on November 12, 2005

And then I came to this thread and thought I'd put on my happy face. Just so that's clear.
posted by sjvilla79 at 8:31 PM on November 12, 2005

All I know is, MiHail may not have won an award for best FPP. But the resulting discussion more than made everything worth it. Thanks, MiHail, and sorry we the grump. You had a nice influence on me today.
posted by jmccorm at 8:42 PM on November 12, 2005

Falconetti: No one has or will ever remember me, but MiHail, you are now a MeFi celebrity.

The world will little note, nor long remember, what Falconetti says here, but it can never forget what MiHail did here. It is for us the living MeFites, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who posted here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored inline images we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these portobellos shall not have been plucked in vain -- that this site, under Mathowie, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that the weblog of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the Internets.
posted by donpedro at 10:15 PM on November 12, 2005

I came for the mushrooms. I stayed for the huge man-titties.
posted by flashboy at 10:29 PM on November 12, 2005

posted by flashboy at 10:43 PM on November 12, 2005

I wasn't attempting to fish for recognition with my earlier comment, but I think I want to make that my shtick.
posted by Falconetti at 11:04 PM on November 12, 2005

And I thought the "What's this?" pic on the FP was appropriate since that was one of the things I planned to discuss. My only regret is that I didn't make it smaller and just stick a little mushroom picture in there instead.

You mean starting an FPP with a picture? Uh....no. Not a good idea.
posted by graventy at 3:38 AM on November 13, 2005

If you had included an inline picture, and had also found an appropriate mushroom-themed MIDI file to embed in the thread, I swear I would have kissed you deeply and passionately.
posted by Jimbob at 4:02 AM on November 13, 2005

Somebody should post an FPP linking to the mushroom thread, because it truly is best of the web
posted by TwelveTwo at 5:08 AM on November 13, 2005

Durn you Flashboy! I've been wanting to make the "Oh, the huge Manatee" joke for ages. I've just packed the opportunity and the photochops...
posted by mmahaffie at 5:31 AM on November 13, 2005

Durn you Flashboy! I've been wanting to make the "Oh, the huge Manatee" joke for ages.

Um, it's probably been used a dozen times at least, all with that oversized image. Maybe all by flashboy, too; I'm not going to bother checking. But it's way past its sell-by date.
posted by languagehat at 7:00 AM on November 13, 2005

Where do you think we get the singing, dancing milk?

That whole sell-by date is just the Milk Cabal's way of selling more (and less entertaining) milk.
posted by loquacious at 7:38 AM on November 13, 2005

The manatee is not mine. Its origins are lost in the mists of time. However, I'm fairly sure that when I posted it at four in the morning it was the wittiest and most original thing I'd ever done in my life.

Possibly you had to be there. I don't know.
posted by flashboy at 9:00 AM on November 13, 2005

hrrmph. I liked the Huge Manatee and didn't realize it's been around the block. I've never fiund the right set-up for the joke...
posted by mmahaffie at 9:27 AM on November 13, 2005

I was under the impression that the manatee was keswick's work, for Something Awful. I could be wrong. keswick? Would you care to take credit for it?
posted by gramschmidt at 10:05 AM on November 13, 2005

For the record, the "Oh, the Huge Man-Titty" thing isn't mine either. It looks and smells like a Fark photoshop.
posted by loquacious at 11:44 AM on November 13, 2005

As if the post isn't enough, this is just hilarious:

Gee, thanks everyone, for giving me some time to write my "more inside" comments.

Pushy barstards want to start commenting right away! Gee!
posted by scarabic at 2:05 PM on November 13, 2005

As for the "this is the worst post ever" comments...

Meh, it's been said before.
posted by grouse at 4:56 PM on November 13, 2005

I've just packed the opportunity and the photochops...

Christ, I just read that as: I've packed the opportunity and the plochops.

And thanks for the laughs, MiHail. For future reference, you can't get away with being snobby about food if you shop in a supermarket like a drooling prole ;-)
posted by jack_mo at 6:50 PM on November 13, 2005

As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
posted by mrgrimm at 3:17 PM on November 15, 2005

C'mon everybody, it's a strip club job fair picnic! I've packed Opportunity, and plochops!
posted by attercoppe at 12:53 AM on November 19, 2005