I really don't understand this site anymore. December 14, 2006 7:32 PM Subscribe
I really don't understand this site anymore. I have been reading for a year and been a member for about seven months. My last two posts turned into people yelling at me, or telling me I posted in the wrong place.
Just like this one will turn into people calling me names and being negative.
I don't get it. I read the "About Us" and "FAQ", I get yelled at for signing my posts, not posting in the right place. NOBODY offers help, just kicking me in the shins for not understanding the subtle nuances of this site. Which, I might point out, aren't explicitly outlined! Something too "MetaTalk-y"? Great, what does that mean? These the same folks that yelled at me when I made a comment that MeFi looks like 2 day old Reddit.
Y'all have fun with your internet clique. There are good people on this site, but these days it seems like the mean ones are loudest.
Signed,
Me
Just like this one will turn into people calling me names and being negative.
I don't get it. I read the "About Us" and "FAQ", I get yelled at for signing my posts, not posting in the right place. NOBODY offers help, just kicking me in the shins for not understanding the subtle nuances of this site. Which, I might point out, aren't explicitly outlined! Something too "MetaTalk-y"? Great, what does that mean? These the same folks that yelled at me when I made a comment that MeFi looks like 2 day old Reddit.
Y'all have fun with your internet clique. There are good people on this site, but these days it seems like the mean ones are loudest.
Signed,
Me
*pages languagehat*
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:35 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:35 PM on December 14, 2006
but these days it seems like the mean ones are loudest.
What you mean 'these days,' kemosabe?
It's always been kinda cliquey. I just show up to irritate people mainly. It's fun. You should try it.
posted by jonmc at 7:35 PM on December 14, 2006
What you mean 'these days,' kemosabe?
It's always been kinda cliquey. I just show up to irritate people mainly. It's fun. You should try it.
posted by jonmc at 7:35 PM on December 14, 2006
And don't let the door hit ya etc etc etc
posted by evilcolonel at 7:40 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by evilcolonel at 7:40 PM on December 14, 2006
Metatalk is like an articulate Karl Pilkington. This whole place is amazing.
posted by Science! at 7:43 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by Science! at 7:43 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
It's been nice, mogabog. I'll miss you, and your quirky, unique take on this mad world of ours. You've been a beacon of non-conformist individuality in this sea of me-too meanness, and an inspiration for us all. I mean that. I really, really do.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:44 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 7:44 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
Here is one of mogabog's justly removed post. What is the other?
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 7:44 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by MonkeySaltedNuts at 7:44 PM on December 14, 2006
Ooooh Christmas has come early!! Hot flameout action all around! I'll get the marshmellows!
posted by Rhomboid at 7:47 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by Rhomboid at 7:47 PM on December 14, 2006
Try the NEW Skin-Thickener! Now in Spring Meadow and Mom's Basement scents!
posted by katillathehun at 7:47 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by katillathehun at 7:47 PM on December 14, 2006
This is a sort of attitude I find difficult to understand. 'There's no written rule that says I can't X so why are you upset when I X?'
If you look around and see that no one does X, how do you not conclude that X isn't done instead of 'well, there's no rule against X (even though what few rules that exist do so in the context of 'there aren't a lot of written rules around these parts, use your common sense') so I guess I can.'
posted by jacquilynne at 7:49 PM on December 14, 2006
If you look around and see that no one does X, how do you not conclude that X isn't done instead of 'well, there's no rule against X (even though what few rules that exist do so in the context of 'there aren't a lot of written rules around these parts, use your common sense') so I guess I can.'
posted by jacquilynne at 7:49 PM on December 14, 2006
@ MonkeySaltedNuts
Skipped this, huh?
Didn't fit into your snappy answer?
posted by mogabog at 7:49 PM on December 14, 2006
Skipped this, huh?
Didn't fit into your snappy answer?
posted by mogabog at 7:49 PM on December 14, 2006
i ate a cookie
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:50 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 7:50 PM on December 14, 2006
NOBODY offers help, just kicking me in the shins for not understanding...
Well, on one hand, the rest of us were able to figure things out for ourselves without the existence of some MetaRosetta; so if you keep tripping over your shoelaces, then you've got to figure that some of the responsibility lies with you.
On the other hand, you're right about the site: It's cliquish, and overly sarcastic, and we have trouble remembering not to bite the newcomers — and it would be a better site if we could improve those things.
(Well...maybe not so much the sarcasm...)
posted by cribcage at 7:50 PM on December 14, 2006
Well, on one hand, the rest of us were able to figure things out for ourselves without the existence of some MetaRosetta; so if you keep tripping over your shoelaces, then you've got to figure that some of the responsibility lies with you.
On the other hand, you're right about the site: It's cliquish, and overly sarcastic, and we have trouble remembering not to bite the newcomers — and it would be a better site if we could improve those things.
(Well...maybe not so much the sarcasm...)
posted by cribcage at 7:50 PM on December 14, 2006
Where the same post had been made in the past many times...
posted by mogabog at 7:52 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by mogabog at 7:52 PM on December 14, 2006
Explicit? Ok, I'll try (but the cabal won't be happy):
Metafilter: The Best of the Web, no self-linking
MetaTalk: About Metafilter
Ask Metafilter: Questions needing answers, no hypotheticals.
Projects: Self-Linking
Music: Need I say more?
Jobs: HireMe
Also, good luck getting anyone anywhere to make explicit 'subtle nuances.' There's a reason they're called that.
Hate to see you go, man, but love to watch you leave. Flame on, flame up, flame the fuck out.
posted by carsonb at 7:53 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
Metafilter: The Best of the Web, no self-linking
MetaTalk: About Metafilter
Ask Metafilter: Questions needing answers, no hypotheticals.
Projects: Self-Linking
Music: Need I say more?
Jobs: HireMe
Also, good luck getting anyone anywhere to make explicit 'subtle nuances.' There's a reason they're called that.
Hate to see you go, man, but love to watch you leave. Flame on, flame up, flame the fuck out.
posted by carsonb at 7:53 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
God, you guys. Leave poor mogabog alone.
Todd Lokken
posted by mullingitover at 7:54 PM on December 14, 2006
Todd Lokken
posted by mullingitover at 7:54 PM on December 14, 2006
oh . . . my . . . god . . . I need the img tag back RIGHT NOW. *sweats*
posted by brain_drain at 7:55 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by brain_drain at 7:55 PM on December 14, 2006
Something too "MetaTalk-y"? Great, what does that mean?
It means that your post was about Metafilter itself. Which is what Metatalk is for.
Signed,
NOBODY
posted by desuetude at 7:56 PM on December 14, 2006
It means that your post was about Metafilter itself. Which is what Metatalk is for.
Signed,
NOBODY
posted by desuetude at 7:56 PM on December 14, 2006
I've got some marshmallows and roasting forks.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:56 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:56 PM on December 14, 2006
mogabog, your post was about Metafilter. Sure it was a bit tangential, but essentially it was about this site in some blog awards. Anything that is of or about or alludes to the sites within the Metafilter group of wayward entities comes here to Metatalk. OK?
posted by peacay at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by peacay at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
Jonmc, I gave you the beano for a REASON.
Now stay away from the chili dogs!
posted by konolia at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
Now stay away from the chili dogs!
posted by konolia at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
I...
uh...
There's something I'm supposed to say here... hmmmm....
posted by eyeballkid at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
uh...
There's something I'm supposed to say here... hmmmm....
posted by eyeballkid at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
Here's what I don't get... you make a post, and you're grilled for it. Rightly so or not, if you check the site with any regularity, you'd see this happens frequently. Even to established regulars. They stick around, though, so why shouldn't you? It's only MetaFilter, after all. A not-so-great post will be forgotten, but a "Why don't you like me?" thread isn't going to help your cause.
That said, I've never made a post, and I might react differently if I receive a similar reaction when I do. But then everything of interest is usually posted before I'd have the chance, and I have no burning need to post purely for posting's sake.
posted by katillathehun at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
That said, I've never made a post, and I might react differently if I receive a similar reaction when I do. But then everything of interest is usually posted before I'd have the chance, and I have no burning need to post purely for posting's sake.
posted by katillathehun at 7:57 PM on December 14, 2006
*eats another chili dog*
*gets out lighter, drops pants, aims ass at thread*
posted by jonmc at 7:58 PM on December 14, 2006
*gets out lighter, drops pants, aims ass at thread*
posted by jonmc at 7:58 PM on December 14, 2006
When you come back, sign up as moogaboog. I think it's way cooler than mogabog.
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:58 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 7:58 PM on December 14, 2006
**stunned that mogabog's slight rudeness was met with so much true rudeness**
-A
posted by Tenuki at 8:00 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
-A
posted by Tenuki at 8:00 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
FAQ - Metafilter Wiki.
You are right that people tend to be too caustic, I generally ignore people I think should be ignored, and the rare occasions I say something unkind I try to be as precise as I can, double that when engaging in arguments.
In short: MeFi would be a horrible model to run your life by, but it does teach you things about yourself, if you are reflective it can teach you about what kind of person you want to be, and how to deal with certain types of people YOU WILL run into in real life. You get out of it what you want to.
posted by edgeways at 8:05 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
You are right that people tend to be too caustic, I generally ignore people I think should be ignored, and the rare occasions I say something unkind I try to be as precise as I can, double that when engaging in arguments.
In short: MeFi would be a horrible model to run your life by, but it does teach you things about yourself, if you are reflective it can teach you about what kind of person you want to be, and how to deal with certain types of people YOU WILL run into in real life. You get out of it what you want to.
posted by edgeways at 8:05 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
I see leaving. I see that... it makes sense. This relationship isn't working for you... we never cuddle anymore, there's no chemistry. But since it was a one night stand, and we never did cuddle, and the chemistry was mostly just gin and tonics, I don't see why you have to leave in a huff. Can't we, I dunno... pretend we'll call each other and collect our socks and part company like adults, slightly sheepish and hungover but with dignity intact? Why the drama? Why the soul-searching? I mean, come on! I don't even remember your name already! (Ok, you're right... I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry.)
I'd also like to say (not to be cruel, you understand, but since we're talking about it, as a point of information) that you really, really need to watch the teeth. I love the enthusiasm, but I'm... sensitive, you know? You've got a wonderful smile, but the teeth pretty much need to be absent for most of the rest of the night in encounters like these. Maybe a little playful biting... but I honestly thought I was being serviced by a bicycle chain for a moment there.
Okay... fine. Let's leave it out, shall we? It was nice "knowing" you.
posted by anotherpanacea at 8:05 PM on December 14, 2006 [3 favorites]
I'd also like to say (not to be cruel, you understand, but since we're talking about it, as a point of information) that you really, really need to watch the teeth. I love the enthusiasm, but I'm... sensitive, you know? You've got a wonderful smile, but the teeth pretty much need to be absent for most of the rest of the night in encounters like these. Maybe a little playful biting... but I honestly thought I was being serviced by a bicycle chain for a moment there.
Okay... fine. Let's leave it out, shall we? It was nice "knowing" you.
posted by anotherpanacea at 8:05 PM on December 14, 2006 [3 favorites]
my cookie was good. it was oatmeal and raisin.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:07 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:07 PM on December 14, 2006
Where the same post had been made in the past many times...
You linked to FPPs on:
Asia Weblog Awards.
A multi-link post on how community blogs create their own awards, since they sometimes don't quite fit into general blog awards.
A post announcing the 2004 weblog awards
The Australian Blog awards
A post on the 2002 Bloggies
...and the contents of the awards tag.
These are not all the same post. You have two examples to back your argument, not 5+.
I see you've got the subtle nuances down enough to do the emphatic link-per-word trick, though.
posted by desuetude at 8:08 PM on December 14, 2006
You linked to FPPs on:
Asia Weblog Awards.
A multi-link post on how community blogs create their own awards, since they sometimes don't quite fit into general blog awards.
A post announcing the 2004 weblog awards
The Australian Blog awards
A post on the 2002 Bloggies
...and the contents of the awards tag.
These are not all the same post. You have two examples to back your argument, not 5+.
I see you've got the subtle nuances down enough to do the emphatic link-per-word trick, though.
posted by desuetude at 8:08 PM on December 14, 2006
my cookie was good. it was oatmeal and raisin.
That's surprising as oatmeal and raisin cookies have long been accepted as the worst cookies ever.
posted by Science! at 8:11 PM on December 14, 2006
That's surprising as oatmeal and raisin cookies have long been accepted as the worst cookies ever.
posted by Science! at 8:11 PM on December 14, 2006
ATTENTION: WASP-Y SNEERS SHALL BE GREETED WITH MUCH PAIN IN THE PAPIST AFTERLIFE.
Continue your snarks at your SOUL'S MORTAL PERIL!!!
If you sneered and/or/rather smirked at this post, You Could BE Next. I'm not preach'n the Jebus here, but hell, I'm a prophet and your snark will getcha down the line.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:15 PM on December 14, 2006
Continue your snarks at your SOUL'S MORTAL PERIL!!!
If you sneered and/or/rather smirked at this post, You Could BE Next. I'm not preach'n the Jebus here, but hell, I'm a prophet and your snark will getcha down the line.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:15 PM on December 14, 2006
That's surprising as oatmeal and raisin cookies have long been accepted as the worst cookies ever.
Ok. Now you're just talking complete and utter nonsense straight out your butthole.
posted by loquacious at 8:16 PM on December 14, 2006
Ok. Now you're just talking complete and utter nonsense straight out your butthole.
posted by loquacious at 8:16 PM on December 14, 2006
Oatmeal raisin cookies coming out his butthole? Well, they do tend to go out the same as they came in.
posted by jonmc at 8:17 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by jonmc at 8:17 PM on December 14, 2006
No, no, no! It's "I eated a cookie"!
*kicks weretable in the shins*
posted by deborah at 8:19 PM on December 14, 2006
*kicks weretable in the shins*
posted by deborah at 8:19 PM on December 14, 2006
mogabog writes "@ MonkeySaltedNuts "
Not to add to your angst (IE: this is strickly FYI:) but we don't use the @username convention here, the username all by itself is fine.
posted by Mitheral at 8:22 PM on December 14, 2006
Not to add to your angst (IE: this is strickly FYI:) but we don't use the @username convention here, the username all by itself is fine.
posted by Mitheral at 8:22 PM on December 14, 2006
I am not comfortable with this much discussion of my butthole on the internet.
posted by Science! at 8:22 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by Science! at 8:22 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
...the mean ones are loudest.
Text-only tends to bring that out in people.
Bring back img!
posted by carsonb at 8:23 PM on December 14, 2006
Text-only tends to bring that out in people.
Bring back img!
posted by carsonb at 8:23 PM on December 14, 2006
I like how this thread's number reads "13307", as if someone wanted to spell "leet" but changed their mind halfway to "idiot".
posted by pantone292 at 8:24 PM on December 14, 2006 [3 favorites]
posted by pantone292 at 8:24 PM on December 14, 2006 [3 favorites]
Mitheral you win the award for best reply.
My hasn't this post become hilarious.
posted by mogabog at 8:24 PM on December 14, 2006
My hasn't this post become hilarious.
posted by mogabog at 8:24 PM on December 14, 2006
Lost
i was lost
and i climbed mountains
that had no tops
i was lost
a passerby with a bagful of costumes for rent
i am lost
a servent to time and thoughtful confusion
my own mind dances like fire around
the questions of
life
earth
love
cruelty
and mystery
i was lost
and found myself
returning to the same
point
in anguish
surrounded by
nothing i could understand
or like
or love
or feel apart of
i am lost
and i feel tired of seeking change
i am lost
and i am tired
of living through confusion
i am lost
and i will never meet my fate.
Running Deer
posted by edgeways at 8:25 PM on December 14, 2006
oh. right. i eated a cookie. well fiddlesticks.
also. skim milk. can not stand whole milk after getting used to skim.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2006
also. skim milk. can not stand whole milk after getting used to skim.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2006
I just came back to say that if we were kicking your shins, it's only because we missed your nuts.
posted by ColdChef at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by ColdChef at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2006
I predict you will regret this post tomorrow and feel dirty and immature. So when you show up tomorrow and start posting like nothing happened and someone asks you "didn't you flameout?" you can say "that? you took that seriously?? you folks are so provinicial!"
posted by mattbucher at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by mattbucher at 8:29 PM on December 14, 2006
This time I'm really leaving. Kiss my tater hole.
posted by ColdChef at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by ColdChef at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
Who was that ColdChef guy, anyway? Sheesh, what a drama... er... drama monarch.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:30 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
Nice tater hole on him, though. Mmmm taters.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:31 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 8:31 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
We also don't use paragraph breaks on Metatalk posts.
I mean, really.
posted by smackfu at 8:45 PM on December 14, 2006
I mean, really.
posted by smackfu at 8:45 PM on December 14, 2006
So "mogabog" is an anagram for "agog mob".
Is this a setup, or what?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:47 PM on December 14, 2006
Is this a setup, or what?
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:47 PM on December 14, 2006
Skim? Why not just slosh some water around in an empty Coffee-Mate container and drink that?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:48 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:48 PM on December 14, 2006
I miss ColdChef.
*pouts*
posted by Ceiling Cat
well, he gave you a lot to watch.
posted by jonmc at 8:52 PM on December 14, 2006
*pouts*
posted by Ceiling Cat
well, he gave you a lot to watch.
posted by jonmc at 8:52 PM on December 14, 2006
Is ColdChef gone yet? 'Cause that guy is such a fucking fucker.
posted by loquacious at 8:55 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by loquacious at 8:55 PM on December 14, 2006
Orspacesbetweenwords,jerk.
posted by klangklangston at 8:55 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by klangklangston at 8:55 PM on December 14, 2006
Grow a skin or get out of the sandbox. And when the door does hit you on the ass on your way out, be sure to wipe off your butt print.
Or, you know, you could stay, and make fun of others who get too pissed off at the site to take it anymore.
posted by Balisong at 8:55 PM on December 14, 2006
Or, you know, you could stay, and make fun of others who get too pissed off at the site to take it anymore.
posted by Balisong at 8:55 PM on December 14, 2006
I don't get it.
Really? That's not obvious at all. Anyway, the only reason you get kicked in the shins is because we're all bent over kissing ColdChef's tater hole. Hard to kick someone in the nuts from that position.
Anyway, don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you. Pretty piss-poor flameout, by the way. These fucking newbs, no class at all.
posted by dg at 8:59 PM on December 14, 2006
Really? That's not obvious at all. Anyway, the only reason you get kicked in the shins is because we're all bent over kissing ColdChef's tater hole. Hard to kick someone in the nuts from that position.
Anyway, don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you. Pretty piss-poor flameout, by the way. These fucking newbs, no class at all.
posted by dg at 8:59 PM on December 14, 2006
be sure to wipe off your butt print
Or, sell it for a few hundred bucks as an original butt printing. Keep it off YouTube this time, though.
posted by desuetude at 9:03 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
Or, sell it for a few hundred bucks as an original butt printing. Keep it off YouTube this time, though.
posted by desuetude at 9:03 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
My last two posts turned into people yelling at me--
Think of it as negative feedback. (I would say "snarking" rather than "yelling.") The key thing to remember is that it's not personal. If you learn how things work and make better posts, people won't hold your first few posts against you.
posted by russilwvong at 9:04 PM on December 14, 2006
Think of it as negative feedback. (I would say "snarking" rather than "yelling.") The key thing to remember is that it's not personal. If you learn how things work and make better posts, people won't hold your first few posts against you.
posted by russilwvong at 9:04 PM on December 14, 2006
ColdChef, I'm really sick of your shit. You used to be an integral part of our cool little clique here but now that you're back into wearing pastel leotards and leg warmers we're all embarrassed to hang out with you. Plus, now that mogabog has left, there's really no one left to defend you.
I think its time you did us all a favor and left. Its best for you, for me, for jonmc, and everyone else. I IM'd jessamyn and she thinks so too. I still like you and all, but really, it'd be for the best if you just take your distended tater hole and ride off into the sunset. We'll miss you, sort of.
posted by googly at 9:04 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
I think its time you did us all a favor and left. Its best for you, for me, for jonmc, and everyone else. I IM'd jessamyn and she thinks so too. I still like you and all, but really, it'd be for the best if you just take your distended tater hole and ride off into the sunset. We'll miss you, sort of.
posted by googly at 9:04 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
@Mitheral : FYI: I've always done it this way, had no complaints either.
@mogabog: I'm glad you ain't about to leave. 'Cause you seem kinda sweet to me. My advice would be to stick around. Recognize this place is packed with pompous pricks. Finally try to care a little less about the opinions these pea-cocking poseurs pretend to have. Bullshit artists to a man. [Apart from Matt and that lady from Liberia that hangs around a lot, natch.]
Also your post seemed to be a double of one posted in Metatalk.
posted by econous at 9:14 PM on December 14, 2006
@mogabog: I'm glad you ain't about to leave. 'Cause you seem kinda sweet to me. My advice would be to stick around. Recognize this place is packed with pompous pricks. Finally try to care a little less about the opinions these pea-cocking poseurs pretend to have. Bullshit artists to a man. [Apart from Matt and that lady from Liberia that hangs around a lot, natch.]
Also your post seemed to be a double of one posted in Metatalk.
posted by econous at 9:14 PM on December 14, 2006
we don't use the @username convention here, the username all by itself is fine.
We didn't often bold the name of the person to whom we were replying, until chickenfuckers like you came along.
posted by Kwantsar at 9:15 PM on December 14, 2006
We didn't often bold the name of the person to whom we were replying, until chickenfuckers like you came along.
posted by Kwantsar at 9:15 PM on December 14, 2006
@Kwantsar: If I get hemorrhoids I hope you'll lick my sore bottom better. Your mommy, bless her, said you would like that.
See mogabog, this is how things should go. It's entertainment for a jaded generation.
posted by econous at 9:34 PM on December 14, 2006
See mogabog, this is how things should go. It's entertainment for a jaded generation.
posted by econous at 9:34 PM on December 14, 2006
Fuck I forgot to add sig.
- -
I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to.
Pamela Anderson
posted by econous at 9:38 PM on December 14, 2006
- -
I'm a mother with two small children, so I don't take as much crap as I used to.
Pamela Anderson
posted by econous at 9:38 PM on December 14, 2006
Meta Meta Rosetta
Banana Fana Fo Feta
Fi Fo Mo Meta
Meta
posted by y2karl at 9:46 PM on December 14, 2006
Banana Fana Fo Feta
Fi Fo Mo Meta
Meta
posted by y2karl at 9:46 PM on December 14, 2006
mogabog: MetaFilter loves you really.
Snark is so close to fark you might as well ignore the differences. Where would they be without you? They would be squeezing out their lonely juices at sad yellowed monitors and inventing enemies to despise. They would pay 1000 times as many 5$ membership fees for yet more see-through sock puppets. They NEED you. They warm their clammy palms at such flames as you provide. Stick around and enjoy it.
No really. Self-policing mockery keeps the quality high, though morale, low. If everyone worries about being shat upon for shitty posts, they don't bother to post posts they know will earn them shit.
posted by bobobox at 9:49 PM on December 14, 2006
Snark is so close to fark you might as well ignore the differences. Where would they be without you? They would be squeezing out their lonely juices at sad yellowed monitors and inventing enemies to despise. They would pay 1000 times as many 5$ membership fees for yet more see-through sock puppets. They NEED you. They warm their clammy palms at such flames as you provide. Stick around and enjoy it.
No really. Self-policing mockery keeps the quality high, though morale, low. If everyone worries about being shat upon for shitty posts, they don't bother to post posts they know will earn them shit.
posted by bobobox at 9:49 PM on December 14, 2006
Get happy or I'll fucking set fire to you, you whiny little bastards!
Did that help?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:09 PM on December 14, 2006
Did that help?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:09 PM on December 14, 2006
Well, now that taht ColdChief guy is gone, I think MeFi is on an upswign!
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:11 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:11 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
mogabog, that's just how this place operates. If you ignore the thread-shitters and usual assholes, they will get bored and go away, trust me.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:17 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 10:17 PM on December 14, 2006
It had been quite some time since Agent Howie had last stood in front of this door. Six months, infact. Room 503 of a luxury Andorran hotel. The last time he was here she had gotten the better of him. He swore that this time, she would not.
It was 2:28am.
Howie's mysterious contact, the Librarian, had bidden he visit her here again. He had been surprised at her choice of meeting location, if only because the boys from The Agency's surveillance team had reported the room vacant since the day after he had met the Librarian here. He had called off the surveillance about a month ago. And now she was back. She was cunning and beautiful, and by all accounts dangerous. He would have to be on his guard.
2.29am ticked over. One more minute until their scheduled meeting was to begin.
Howie recalled their initial meeting where she had suggested a trade of information. After suggesting he inspect a thread on his very own Project Metafilter*, it was clear what she wanted in return for the information she offered. It was an ancient book that had been on display at the Andorran Museum of Ancient History and was believed to be a tome that could reveal the future. After stealing and giving the book to her, she too held up her end of the bargain. So it was uncertain why she would want to meet him again. Maybe it was his charisma. Maybe it was his stunning good looks. Or maybe she just wanted him dead. The next few minutes would tell.
Right on time, the Librarian opened her door at 2:30am. She was dressed in a bathrobe and it appeared as though she had clearly just had a shower. She smiled at Howie. "Come on in, come on in" she said somewhat happily. "We have much to discuss."
Howie entered and surveyed the scene. As per his last visit here, the room was dark, lit only by the pale moonlight. The Librarian shut the door behind him.
"Thankyou for coming at such short notice. I would have given you more time except I have important news. Something you need to know about now."
"Really?" said How rather cynically. "And what's going to be the cost this time?"
The Librarian smiled cheekily. "Why How! I'm hurt! Not everything a girl offers costs money. Sometimes we offer things out of love and respect for a man. And tonight is your lucky night, mister!"
Howie felt a little uncomfortable at the double entendre (he had always been quite a conservative man) but he managed to keep his composure.
The Librarian walked over to a large chest and, reaching into one of the pockets of her robe , took out a rather ornate looking key which she then used to unlock the chest. She reached inside and lifted out a large book. Agent Howie knew it well. It was the book he had stolen for her.
"Surely you know the rumours surrounding this book?" asked The Librarian. "The rumours that say this book foretells the future?"
"I do" said How. "But I don't put much stock in such things."
The Librarian chuckled. "Such a cynic" she said. "Such a cynic when you of all people should believe these rumours most of all."
"And why is that?" he asked in reply.
"This book doesn’t tell of just any future, Agent Howie" she responded. "This book tells of the future. It tells of your future."
"Hogwash!" scoffed Howie. "That book was written centuries before I was even born. How could it even have any possible relation to me?"
The Librarian seemed to become a little agitated at this. "Very well then! Don't believe me? Then listen to this!"
Opening the book to one of many bookmarks, she read;
THE AMERICAN ASSASSIN WILL COME TO THE SMALL LAND OF THE PRINCE AND FROM THERE HE WILL CONDUCT HIS CAMPAIGN. FROM THERE HIS EMPIRE WILL BEGIN TO RISE TO DOMINANCE.
"You think that relates to me?" said Howie. "I am American, yes, but the rest is little more than coincidence. I think you're reading far too much into this."
"It goes on" said the Librarian. "Listen!" Flipping to another page entirely, she started to read once more.
THE FUTURE RULER WILL RULE ALREADY OVER HIS IMAGINARY EMPIRE MADE OF ONES AND ZEROES. THIS EMPIRE WILL FILTER THE MESSAGE AT LARGE AND WILL BE INSTRUMENTAL IN HIS RISE TO DOMINANCE.
Howie remained unmoved. "You're still grasping at straws" he said.
"Oh really?" she said with just a hint of smugness in her voice. "Then what about this?" She flipped to yet another page and began reading.
HOW. HE AND HIS PROJECT SHALL CHANGE THE WORLD. HOW IS UNKNOWN. BUT HE WILL BECOME A GREAT LEADER. A PRIME AMONG MANY. HE WILL BE LOVED AND REVERED BUT FEARED ALSO. HIS QUEST WILL BE DRIVEN BY A LUST TO AVENGE THE INFANT GURU.
Howie already knew that passage, of course. It was the one that had flipped open in front of him in almost supernatural circumstances in the Museum. The one that had been repeating in his mind over and over again. He couldn't deny that there might be something to the Librarians claims.
"I notice you're staying pretty quiet on that one" the Librarian said. "Not so cynical now, are we?"
"I admit that there are some interesting coincidences here" said Howie. "But nothing more."
"Still not convinced, are we?" she said in reply. "Then this will blow your mind." She flipped the book to yet another page and read once more.
HOW WILL RULE THE WORLD. HIS RULE WILL BE DARK AND BLOODY AND WILL USHER IN A NEW AGE OF TERROR FOR ALL MANKIND. ONCE THESE EVENTS HAVE BEGUN THEY MAY BE STOPPED. BUT THOSE WHO WISH TO DO SO MUST ACT QUICKLY. THEY MUST KILL HIM IF THEY CAN. TO BE SURE, WATCH FOR THE SIGNS. THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER EXPLAINS HOW THE AGENT KNOWN AS HOWIE WILL COME TO RULE THE WORLD OF MAN.
Even this was to much for Howie to deny. This book, this ancient book, was referencing him and what more, it was saying he would rule the world. And if that wasn't enough, it was virtually offering him a road map to doing so. It was clear he needed the book to read more.
But in a rare lapse of concentration, he had let his guard down and the Librarian had gotten the upper hand. Upon returning his concentration to her, she had a gun trained on him. The book was at her feet.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I can't let you rule the world, How" she said. "The book says someone has to stop it and it may as well be me. I can't let you usher in an age of darkness as it says you will. It'd be too bad for my kind of business."
Howie moved towards her "Look here now-"
"SHUT UP!" she yelled back at him. "STAY BACK! I know all about you and what you're capable of. So I swear, so help me God, motherfucker, I will end you!"
"Clearly" thought Agent Howie "... clearly there is one thing you don't know."
In a lightning fast move, How ducked and tumbled across the floor behind a couch. The Librarian, startled, shot at him but missed, shooting a hole in the wall behind him instead. From behind the cover of the couch, Howie quickly unholstered his own gun and, tumbling once more, jumped out from behind cover and shot at The Librarian.
Hitting her right between the eyes, her death was instant. She collapsed to the floor and so her time on this Earth was ended.
Howie surveyed the scene. A little blood, but none of it was his and in the end, that's what mattered. He picked up the book. "Better get out of here soon" he thought to himself. "Those gun shots are bound to have been heard. Won't be long till the cops get here."
Howie quickly fled the scene and hailed a cab. On the ride home, he scanned the book and made some mental notes.
Upon returning to his own hotel room, he made the decision to go to bed. He was tired and needed rest. He would study the book tomorrow. But before he did, there was one thing he had to do. Something he had read in the book which had really grabbed his attention.
He sat down in front of his computer and opened Project Metafilter. He looked for the first available thread, which happened to be #13307, a thread where someone called mogabog was spraying about how snarky Metafilter had become. Such flare ups were becoming increasingly more common of late, and to a degree perhaps mogabog was right. Naturally the community took it as an opportunity not to address the problem but to start an all out flamewar, spliced with humorous snarks and long winded stories. But the content of the thread mattered little to Howie. He opened the thread and posted under his usual username of mathowie.
"Hey everyone" he wrote. "I know it's been a while since I popped my head in but I just needed you to know a few things. First off, that thing on AskMe the other day? That anonymous question? That wasn't me. I'm not selling the site. Second of all, stop the hate you whining sons of bitches! YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF! If you think this sort of shit will bring back your beloved img tag you're sorely fucking mistaken!"
He smiled as he wrote those words. He loved to get into the spirit of these things sometimes. But he felt he should add one more thing before he would retire to bed.
"Anyway all you bitches, I just wanted you to know that everything's all right. Everything will be all right. Y'all sleep soundly now."
Checking preview and making sure everything looked OK, he hit the Post Comment button and walked away from the screen. He'd wait until the morning to see how many people had favorited what he'd written. In the mean time, his old mistress Lady Sleep called him to bed. And as he lay in bed and drifted off to sleep that night, Howie repeated those words over and over in his mind.
Everything will be all right...
* See 'The Adventures of Agent How #11', wherein Agent Howie creates Project Metafilter as part of The Agency's 'Cat Scan' operation, although no one knew how they did it, or why.
posted by Effigy2000 at 10:21 PM on December 14, 2006 [8 favorites]
It was 2:28am.
Howie's mysterious contact, the Librarian, had bidden he visit her here again. He had been surprised at her choice of meeting location, if only because the boys from The Agency's surveillance team had reported the room vacant since the day after he had met the Librarian here. He had called off the surveillance about a month ago. And now she was back. She was cunning and beautiful, and by all accounts dangerous. He would have to be on his guard.
2.29am ticked over. One more minute until their scheduled meeting was to begin.
Howie recalled their initial meeting where she had suggested a trade of information. After suggesting he inspect a thread on his very own Project Metafilter*, it was clear what she wanted in return for the information she offered. It was an ancient book that had been on display at the Andorran Museum of Ancient History and was believed to be a tome that could reveal the future. After stealing and giving the book to her, she too held up her end of the bargain. So it was uncertain why she would want to meet him again. Maybe it was his charisma. Maybe it was his stunning good looks. Or maybe she just wanted him dead. The next few minutes would tell.
Right on time, the Librarian opened her door at 2:30am. She was dressed in a bathrobe and it appeared as though she had clearly just had a shower. She smiled at Howie. "Come on in, come on in" she said somewhat happily. "We have much to discuss."
Howie entered and surveyed the scene. As per his last visit here, the room was dark, lit only by the pale moonlight. The Librarian shut the door behind him.
"Thankyou for coming at such short notice. I would have given you more time except I have important news. Something you need to know about now."
"Really?" said How rather cynically. "And what's going to be the cost this time?"
The Librarian smiled cheekily. "Why How! I'm hurt! Not everything a girl offers costs money. Sometimes we offer things out of love and respect for a man. And tonight is your lucky night, mister!"
Howie felt a little uncomfortable at the double entendre (he had always been quite a conservative man) but he managed to keep his composure.
The Librarian walked over to a large chest and, reaching into one of the pockets of her robe , took out a rather ornate looking key which she then used to unlock the chest. She reached inside and lifted out a large book. Agent Howie knew it well. It was the book he had stolen for her.
"Surely you know the rumours surrounding this book?" asked The Librarian. "The rumours that say this book foretells the future?"
"I do" said How. "But I don't put much stock in such things."
The Librarian chuckled. "Such a cynic" she said. "Such a cynic when you of all people should believe these rumours most of all."
"And why is that?" he asked in reply.
"This book doesn’t tell of just any future, Agent Howie" she responded. "This book tells of the future. It tells of your future."
"Hogwash!" scoffed Howie. "That book was written centuries before I was even born. How could it even have any possible relation to me?"
The Librarian seemed to become a little agitated at this. "Very well then! Don't believe me? Then listen to this!"
Opening the book to one of many bookmarks, she read;
THE AMERICAN ASSASSIN WILL COME TO THE SMALL LAND OF THE PRINCE AND FROM THERE HE WILL CONDUCT HIS CAMPAIGN. FROM THERE HIS EMPIRE WILL BEGIN TO RISE TO DOMINANCE.
"You think that relates to me?" said Howie. "I am American, yes, but the rest is little more than coincidence. I think you're reading far too much into this."
"It goes on" said the Librarian. "Listen!" Flipping to another page entirely, she started to read once more.
THE FUTURE RULER WILL RULE ALREADY OVER HIS IMAGINARY EMPIRE MADE OF ONES AND ZEROES. THIS EMPIRE WILL FILTER THE MESSAGE AT LARGE AND WILL BE INSTRUMENTAL IN HIS RISE TO DOMINANCE.
Howie remained unmoved. "You're still grasping at straws" he said.
"Oh really?" she said with just a hint of smugness in her voice. "Then what about this?" She flipped to yet another page and began reading.
HOW. HE AND HIS PROJECT SHALL CHANGE THE WORLD. HOW IS UNKNOWN. BUT HE WILL BECOME A GREAT LEADER. A PRIME AMONG MANY. HE WILL BE LOVED AND REVERED BUT FEARED ALSO. HIS QUEST WILL BE DRIVEN BY A LUST TO AVENGE THE INFANT GURU.
Howie already knew that passage, of course. It was the one that had flipped open in front of him in almost supernatural circumstances in the Museum. The one that had been repeating in his mind over and over again. He couldn't deny that there might be something to the Librarians claims.
"I notice you're staying pretty quiet on that one" the Librarian said. "Not so cynical now, are we?"
"I admit that there are some interesting coincidences here" said Howie. "But nothing more."
"Still not convinced, are we?" she said in reply. "Then this will blow your mind." She flipped the book to yet another page and read once more.
HOW WILL RULE THE WORLD. HIS RULE WILL BE DARK AND BLOODY AND WILL USHER IN A NEW AGE OF TERROR FOR ALL MANKIND. ONCE THESE EVENTS HAVE BEGUN THEY MAY BE STOPPED. BUT THOSE WHO WISH TO DO SO MUST ACT QUICKLY. THEY MUST KILL HIM IF THEY CAN. TO BE SURE, WATCH FOR THE SIGNS. THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER EXPLAINS HOW THE AGENT KNOWN AS HOWIE WILL COME TO RULE THE WORLD OF MAN.
Even this was to much for Howie to deny. This book, this ancient book, was referencing him and what more, it was saying he would rule the world. And if that wasn't enough, it was virtually offering him a road map to doing so. It was clear he needed the book to read more.
But in a rare lapse of concentration, he had let his guard down and the Librarian had gotten the upper hand. Upon returning his concentration to her, she had a gun trained on him. The book was at her feet.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I can't let you rule the world, How" she said. "The book says someone has to stop it and it may as well be me. I can't let you usher in an age of darkness as it says you will. It'd be too bad for my kind of business."
Howie moved towards her "Look here now-"
"SHUT UP!" she yelled back at him. "STAY BACK! I know all about you and what you're capable of. So I swear, so help me God, motherfucker, I will end you!"
"Clearly" thought Agent Howie "... clearly there is one thing you don't know."
In a lightning fast move, How ducked and tumbled across the floor behind a couch. The Librarian, startled, shot at him but missed, shooting a hole in the wall behind him instead. From behind the cover of the couch, Howie quickly unholstered his own gun and, tumbling once more, jumped out from behind cover and shot at The Librarian.
Hitting her right between the eyes, her death was instant. She collapsed to the floor and so her time on this Earth was ended.
Howie surveyed the scene. A little blood, but none of it was his and in the end, that's what mattered. He picked up the book. "Better get out of here soon" he thought to himself. "Those gun shots are bound to have been heard. Won't be long till the cops get here."
Howie quickly fled the scene and hailed a cab. On the ride home, he scanned the book and made some mental notes.
Upon returning to his own hotel room, he made the decision to go to bed. He was tired and needed rest. He would study the book tomorrow. But before he did, there was one thing he had to do. Something he had read in the book which had really grabbed his attention.
He sat down in front of his computer and opened Project Metafilter. He looked for the first available thread, which happened to be #13307, a thread where someone called mogabog was spraying about how snarky Metafilter had become. Such flare ups were becoming increasingly more common of late, and to a degree perhaps mogabog was right. Naturally the community took it as an opportunity not to address the problem but to start an all out flamewar, spliced with humorous snarks and long winded stories. But the content of the thread mattered little to Howie. He opened the thread and posted under his usual username of mathowie.
"Hey everyone" he wrote. "I know it's been a while since I popped my head in but I just needed you to know a few things. First off, that thing on AskMe the other day? That anonymous question? That wasn't me. I'm not selling the site. Second of all, stop the hate you whining sons of bitches! YOU'RE PISSING ME OFF! If you think this sort of shit will bring back your beloved img tag you're sorely fucking mistaken!"
He smiled as he wrote those words. He loved to get into the spirit of these things sometimes. But he felt he should add one more thing before he would retire to bed.
"Anyway all you bitches, I just wanted you to know that everything's all right. Everything will be all right. Y'all sleep soundly now."
Checking preview and making sure everything looked OK, he hit the Post Comment button and walked away from the screen. He'd wait until the morning to see how many people had favorited what he'd written. In the mean time, his old mistress Lady Sleep called him to bed. And as he lay in bed and drifted off to sleep that night, Howie repeated those words over and over in his mind.
Everything will be all right...
* See 'The Adventures of Agent How #11', wherein Agent Howie creates Project Metafilter as part of The Agency's 'Cat Scan' operation, although no one knew how they did it, or why.
posted by Effigy2000 at 10:21 PM on December 14, 2006 [8 favorites]
Such a miserable Web site these days, really. It just shows the Internet allows people to form a club from any hobby, whether it's a preference for being blown by people in animal suits, or hungering to join a community of autistic hall monitors.
posted by inksyndicate at 10:22 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by inksyndicate at 10:22 PM on December 14, 2006 [2 favorites]
Mogabog,
We have lately recieved your submission to our "Watch me FLAME THE FUCK OUT!!!" competition. This was, as you may surmise, an especially rich year in the WmFTFO category. We have received over 750 entries. Unfortunately, we are unable to honor every worthy screed.
We regret to inform you that your WmFTFO entry is not among those we will feature on our community weblog. Best of luck in what will surely be a productive and successful future.
I remain, humbly
Yrs,
kosem
posted by kosem at 10:23 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
We have lately recieved your submission to our "Watch me FLAME THE FUCK OUT!!!" competition. This was, as you may surmise, an especially rich year in the WmFTFO category. We have received over 750 entries. Unfortunately, we are unable to honor every worthy screed.
We regret to inform you that your WmFTFO entry is not among those we will feature on our community weblog. Best of luck in what will surely be a productive and successful future.
I remain, humbly
Yrs,
kosem
posted by kosem at 10:23 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
Such a miserable Web site these days, really. It just shows the Internet allows people to form a club from any hobby, whether it's a preference for being blown by people in animal suits, or hungering to join a community of autistic hall monitors.
But... but... which one is Metafilter?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:24 PM on December 14, 2006
But... but... which one is Metafilter?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:24 PM on December 14, 2006
not posting in the right place.
mogabog, don't take it personal. MeFi is for posting links to interesting websites. MeTa is for MeFi related things (e.g. meetups, MeFi in The World At Large, etc). That's all there is to it.
I get yelled at for signing my posts,
If people give you static for doing something unique, either apologize and conform to the standard or keep doing it until it becomes endearing/gets you banned.
Y'all have fun with your internet clique.
You can have fun with our internet clique too. You know you wanna. Don't be like that, baby.
C'mon, girl. Don't...turn away. Yeah. You remember the good times. Oh good lord yes. Baby don't leave us. We got so much more love to give. We got so much love to share. This thing ain't over, no. Mmm-hmm. That's right. Baby, don't...flame-out.
[/R&B seduction routine]
posted by clockzero at 10:27 PM on December 14, 2006
mogabog, don't take it personal. MeFi is for posting links to interesting websites. MeTa is for MeFi related things (e.g. meetups, MeFi in The World At Large, etc). That's all there is to it.
I get yelled at for signing my posts,
If people give you static for doing something unique, either apologize and conform to the standard or keep doing it until it becomes endearing/gets you banned.
Y'all have fun with your internet clique.
You can have fun with our internet clique too. You know you wanna. Don't be like that, baby.
C'mon, girl. Don't...turn away. Yeah. You remember the good times. Oh good lord yes. Baby don't leave us. We got so much more love to give. We got so much love to share. This thing ain't over, no. Mmm-hmm. That's right. Baby, don't...flame-out.
[/R&B seduction routine]
posted by clockzero at 10:27 PM on December 14, 2006
This is the story of a young couple in Portland, Maine.
While waiting for her husband Don to return home from work, she reaches for a can of anchovies. As she spreads the tiny fish across a piece of lettuce, she notices a small note at the bottom of the can. Written on it is a telephone number. Curious, she dials, and is told, "Don't move, lady, we'll be right over." Placing the phone back on the hook, she turns to see three smartly dressed men standing in her kitchen doorway. Before she realizes what is happening to her, she is rolled tightly in long sheets of cellophane, transported to an international airport, and placed on a waiting jet-liner. All this being too much for her to comprehend, she passes out.
Upon awakening, she finds herself in a strange, foreign speaking nation. Alone, fearing her escape impossible, she seeks comfort in the arms of a confidential agent. With the trace of her kiss still warm upon his lips, he betrays her to the hands of three scientists who are engaged in diabolical, avant-garde experiments previously performed only on insects and other small, meaningless creatures. Using her as their subject, they are delighted with the results. For the first time, a human being is transformed into a--
Meanwhile, back in Portland, Maine...
Her husband Don, now chain-smoking 40 packs of cigarettes a day, sits at a local bar and has a few beers with the regulars. Bored, everyone's attention turns to the television set that just hangs from the wall. ("Welcome to Bowling for Dollars"). Suddenly, crazy Al says, "S-say, Don, there sure is something familiar about that bowling ball." To which a terrified Don replies, "Oh my God! That bowling ball! It's my wife!"
And the lesson we learn from this story is, next time you place your order, don't forget to say, "No anchovies please."
posted by kirkaracha at 10:29 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
While waiting for her husband Don to return home from work, she reaches for a can of anchovies. As she spreads the tiny fish across a piece of lettuce, she notices a small note at the bottom of the can. Written on it is a telephone number. Curious, she dials, and is told, "Don't move, lady, we'll be right over." Placing the phone back on the hook, she turns to see three smartly dressed men standing in her kitchen doorway. Before she realizes what is happening to her, she is rolled tightly in long sheets of cellophane, transported to an international airport, and placed on a waiting jet-liner. All this being too much for her to comprehend, she passes out.
Upon awakening, she finds herself in a strange, foreign speaking nation. Alone, fearing her escape impossible, she seeks comfort in the arms of a confidential agent. With the trace of her kiss still warm upon his lips, he betrays her to the hands of three scientists who are engaged in diabolical, avant-garde experiments previously performed only on insects and other small, meaningless creatures. Using her as their subject, they are delighted with the results. For the first time, a human being is transformed into a--
Meanwhile, back in Portland, Maine...
Her husband Don, now chain-smoking 40 packs of cigarettes a day, sits at a local bar and has a few beers with the regulars. Bored, everyone's attention turns to the television set that just hangs from the wall. ("Welcome to Bowling for Dollars"). Suddenly, crazy Al says, "S-say, Don, there sure is something familiar about that bowling ball." To which a terrified Don replies, "Oh my God! That bowling ball! It's my wife!"
And the lesson we learn from this story is, next time you place your order, don't forget to say, "No anchovies please."
posted by kirkaracha at 10:29 PM on December 14, 2006 [1 favorite]
Mogabog, you'd be an inspiration to all of us occasional participators if you'd stick around, despite the snark/assholes. And, please, ignore all the idiots who have jumped into this post. I sincerely wish there was a better method but there ain't.
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:32 PM on December 14, 2006
posted by wemayfreeze at 10:32 PM on December 14, 2006
You bitched here, but she snarked back
And they snark all the time, you just can't win
And so it goes, 'til the day you die
This thing they call snark, it's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues, the greens and the grays
One thing's for sure
Snarks great.
posted by econous at 10:47 PM on December 14, 2006
And they snark all the time, you just can't win
And so it goes, 'til the day you die
This thing they call snark, it's gonna make you cry
I've had the blues, the greens and the grays
One thing's for sure
Snarks great.
posted by econous at 10:47 PM on December 14, 2006
I made you a cookie.
But then Coldchef eated it.
And left.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 10:59 PM on December 14, 2006
But then Coldchef eated it.
And left.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 10:59 PM on December 14, 2006
Such a miserable Web site these days, really. It just shows the Internet allows people to form a club from any hobby, whether it's a preference for being blown by people in animal suits, or hungering to join a community of autistic hall monitors
Wait, which one of those examples was supposed to be about MetaFilter?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:04 PM on December 14, 2006
Wait, which one of those examples was supposed to be about MetaFilter?
posted by Pollomacho at 11:04 PM on December 14, 2006
Wow, this flameout really kinda sucked. It had so much potential, but I guess it has come to this.
My, that smedleyman is witty and insightful!
posted by slogger at 11:35 PM on December 14, 2006
My, that smedleyman is witty and insightful!
posted by slogger at 11:35 PM on December 14, 2006
There are a huge number of people here who are just interested in sharing and talking about things, and not into showing off or flaying others with their rapier wit. Two things about that, though - most of them probably don't visit metatalk, and they also aren't as loud and/or noticeable as some others. But trust me, they are here.
So, if you think you feel like hanging around, mogabog, don't let those two incidents of confusion or this thread deter you. If you want some help or insight about how anything works, you can email jessamyn, who is always patient and helpful, or almost anyone, really (because no matter how thoughtless they can sometimes be, just about everyone is actually pretty decent and very willing to help), and get good, friendly advice. I've made a lot of wonderful friends here whom I treasure, and I promise you that you can find the goodness - though sometimes it takes some navigating around the badness.
posted by taz at 12:26 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
So, if you think you feel like hanging around, mogabog, don't let those two incidents of confusion or this thread deter you. If you want some help or insight about how anything works, you can email jessamyn, who is always patient and helpful, or almost anyone, really (because no matter how thoughtless they can sometimes be, just about everyone is actually pretty decent and very willing to help), and get good, friendly advice. I've made a lot of wonderful friends here whom I treasure, and I promise you that you can find the goodness - though sometimes it takes some navigating around the badness.
posted by taz at 12:26 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
You know, taz, you're a sweetheart and I love you dearly, but sometimes you can't save 'em all, you know what I'm saying?
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:41 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:41 AM on December 15, 2006
sometimes you can't save 'em all
How do you get a hundred Pikachus onto a bus?
You poke 'em on.
posted by chrismear at 12:48 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
How do you get a hundred Pikachus onto a bus?
You poke 'em on.
posted by chrismear at 12:48 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
Negative, sure, but yelling and kicking you in the shins? I think you're reading a lot more malice into people's responses to you than is actually there. But honestly? I think you're just being disingenous here if you've really been reading the site for a full year as you claim.
posted by juv3nal at 12:59 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by juv3nal at 12:59 AM on December 15, 2006
I know, stav, but I want mogabog to stay, particularly, because he or she made the "The Funeral director was mortified" joke in a really excellent and sensitive answer to a AskMe difficult question. Our kind of people, yes?
posted by taz at 1:29 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by taz at 1:29 AM on December 15, 2006
OK, fair enough, I hadn't seen that. But I still reserve the right to poke fun at himrher if heshe sticks around.
Honestly, this thread has been good natured, I reckon: totally and deliberately leaving the door open for him or her to go 'aw shucks, you bastards, I guess I can take the rite of passage ribbing and even deserve it for posting such a doofic thread' and then be effortlessly welcomed back into the fold, rather than exiting ballistically with a singed flameout butt.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:45 AM on December 15, 2006
Honestly, this thread has been good natured, I reckon: totally and deliberately leaving the door open for him or her to go 'aw shucks, you bastards, I guess I can take the rite of passage ribbing and even deserve it for posting such a doofic thread' and then be effortlessly welcomed back into the fold, rather than exiting ballistically with a singed flameout butt.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 1:45 AM on December 15, 2006
Man, this was one boring flameout. LanguageHat didn't even show up! Pfft.
posted by antifuse at 1:53 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by antifuse at 1:53 AM on December 15, 2006
Yes! New fast-acting doofic ointment can cool and soothe symptoms of flameout butt. Ask your pharmacist.
posted by taz at 1:59 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by taz at 1:59 AM on December 15, 2006
if mogabog is still here, question:
what, precisely, did you think metatalk was for?
posted by shmegegge at 2:04 AM on December 15, 2006
what, precisely, did you think metatalk was for?
posted by shmegegge at 2:04 AM on December 15, 2006
mogabog:
In my experience, MeFi has been that way a long time. (I started reading years before making an account: I'm not as new as my signup date would appear.) It can get downright mean at times, although usually the snark is fairly good-humored. I've been lambasted a bit for my few posts... I'm one of the dreaded single-linkers, at least so far. But, for the most part, the flamage has been fairly subdued.
As far as the rules go: self-links are the #1 Thing Not To Do. Links about MeFi are kinda-sorta self-linkish, and so they're relegated to MetaTalk, which is specifically for posts about the main (blue) site. Spell correctly, or you'll get teased, and make sure your links work. You can have an opinion, but posting purely to push some agenda is often considered 'axegrindfilter' and deleted.
Most of all, make sure the content is interesting and unusual, something that folks wouldn't otherwise run into. There's a zillion news aggregate sites out there, so yet more news is often met with some despair. But not always... if the news item is particularly weird or outrageous, everyone may be too shocked by the content to snark about newsfilter. I wouldn't count on that, though.
Speaking very broadly, single-link YouTube posts are probably the most disliked. F'r instance, my SLYT post didn't get much policing. Even when it was badly derailed by images, the admins didn't help. I suspect that may have been because they didn't like the thread subject. It wasn't bad enough to delete, but wasn't good enough to protect, either.
Beyond that.... everyone's got an opinion, and you'll probably hear them. :)
If you're looking for good examples, check out some of the entries from madamjujujive. Her FPPs are nearly always exceptional.
And on a separate note:
Such a miserable Web site these days, really. It just shows the Internet allows people to form a club from any hobby, whether it's a preference for being blown by people in animal suits, or hungering to join a community of autistic hall monitors.
Yanno, inksyndicate's got a point.
posted by Malor at 3:01 AM on December 15, 2006
In my experience, MeFi has been that way a long time. (I started reading years before making an account: I'm not as new as my signup date would appear.) It can get downright mean at times, although usually the snark is fairly good-humored. I've been lambasted a bit for my few posts... I'm one of the dreaded single-linkers, at least so far. But, for the most part, the flamage has been fairly subdued.
As far as the rules go: self-links are the #1 Thing Not To Do. Links about MeFi are kinda-sorta self-linkish, and so they're relegated to MetaTalk, which is specifically for posts about the main (blue) site. Spell correctly, or you'll get teased, and make sure your links work. You can have an opinion, but posting purely to push some agenda is often considered 'axegrindfilter' and deleted.
Most of all, make sure the content is interesting and unusual, something that folks wouldn't otherwise run into. There's a zillion news aggregate sites out there, so yet more news is often met with some despair. But not always... if the news item is particularly weird or outrageous, everyone may be too shocked by the content to snark about newsfilter. I wouldn't count on that, though.
Speaking very broadly, single-link YouTube posts are probably the most disliked. F'r instance, my SLYT post didn't get much policing. Even when it was badly derailed by images, the admins didn't help. I suspect that may have been because they didn't like the thread subject. It wasn't bad enough to delete, but wasn't good enough to protect, either.
Beyond that.... everyone's got an opinion, and you'll probably hear them. :)
If you're looking for good examples, check out some of the entries from madamjujujive. Her FPPs are nearly always exceptional.
And on a separate note:
Such a miserable Web site these days, really. It just shows the Internet allows people to form a club from any hobby, whether it's a preference for being blown by people in animal suits, or hungering to join a community of autistic hall monitors.
Yanno, inksyndicate's got a point.
posted by Malor at 3:01 AM on December 15, 2006
So this mogabog, it vibrates.....and then bursts into flame?
posted by Joeforking at 3:29 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by Joeforking at 3:29 AM on December 15, 2006
MetaFilter: packed with pompous pricks
Pails of 'em
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:45 AM on December 15, 2006
Pails of 'em
posted by Kirth Gerson at 3:45 AM on December 15, 2006
Buckets, even.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:59 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 3:59 AM on December 15, 2006
I don't know whether to be faintly proud that my completely innocuous comment provoked a flameout, or faintly peeved that it was such a rubbish one.
posted by jack_mo at 4:05 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by jack_mo at 4:05 AM on December 15, 2006
mogabog represents a steamtrain of thought beyond the polar extremes -- both political and social -- that most grab a hold of with cold clammy hands, certain that if you aren't one way you must be the other. God bless this man.
posted by quonsar at 4:35 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by quonsar at 4:35 AM on December 15, 2006
With cheese!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:37 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:37 AM on December 15, 2006
Please bring back the <> tag, please. How can we have a proper flameout without it?
Signed,
fixedgear
posted by fixedgear at 4:58 AM on December 15, 2006
Signed,
fixedgear
posted by fixedgear at 4:58 AM on December 15, 2006
Calling something "Metatalk-y" is not kicking you in the shins. It's explaining part of the site. Try harder.
posted by OmieWise at 5:35 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by OmieWise at 5:35 AM on December 15, 2006
Fair warning: the next person I see using '"natch" is getting their shins stapled to their forehead. (Or a autistic hall monitor's facsimile thereof.)
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 6:03 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 6:03 AM on December 15, 2006
Well, I respect those kinds of things, natch, and would never think of trying to provoke you just for the sake of provoking you. ATM Machine PIN Number natch
posted by OmieWise at 6:25 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by OmieWise at 6:25 AM on December 15, 2006
I smell smoke. Are you kids having a flameout in here?
posted by Floydd at 6:27 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by Floydd at 6:27 AM on December 15, 2006
Oh god...now I've got performance anxiety.
*runs away, cries*
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 6:29 AM on December 15, 2006
*runs away, cries*
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 6:29 AM on December 15, 2006
I want ColdChef back!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:44 AM on December 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:44 AM on December 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
Look on the bright side, MogaBog: at least nobody thinks you should be beaten. Of course I say that having not read all 122 comments.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:55 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:55 AM on December 15, 2006
Fair warning: the next person I see using '"natch" is getting their shins stapled to their forehead.
Add "convo", "hive-mind" and "______ - hack" to that list and you'll have a friend for life.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:57 AM on December 15, 2006
Add "convo", "hive-mind" and "______ - hack" to that list and you'll have a friend for life.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 6:57 AM on December 15, 2006
On the upside, apparently eyeballkid doesn't hate us all any more.
posted by yhbc at 7:09 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by yhbc at 7:09 AM on December 15, 2006
Man, this was one boring flameout. LanguageHat didn't even show up! Pfft.
First I was sleeping, then I was eating breakfast with my aged mother-in-law, then I finally got to come here, and I saw the very promising post and got all excited, and dived into the thread only to find it fizzling out into a bunch of jokes. Good jokes, though. And at least ColdChef is gone, that bastard.
posted by languagehat at 7:12 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
First I was sleeping, then I was eating breakfast with my aged mother-in-law, then I finally got to come here, and I saw the very promising post and got all excited, and dived into the thread only to find it fizzling out into a bunch of jokes. Good jokes, though. And at least ColdChef is gone, that bastard.
posted by languagehat at 7:12 AM on December 15, 2006 [1 favorite]
That is enough to get you to leave?
/me snorts
You don't understand what "catching shit" means if you think you just caught it. Amateur.
posted by dios at 7:38 AM on December 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
/me snorts
You don't understand what "catching shit" means if you think you just caught it. Amateur.
posted by dios at 7:38 AM on December 15, 2006 [2 favorites]
This is metatalky? Really? Because I did a search. And I kinda figured it was ok.
So your logic is "other people have broken the rules and not been deleted, so it's OK if I break the rules too?"
Ask Metafilter: Questions needing answers, no hypotheticals.
Many hypotheticals are fine in AskMe. Only "open-ended, unanswerable hypotheticals" are disallowed, according to the FAQ. After all, "I'd like Firefox to do X. If I install plugin Y, will it do X like I want it to?" is a hypothetical.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:39 AM on December 15, 2006
So your logic is "other people have broken the rules and not been deleted, so it's OK if I break the rules too?"
Ask Metafilter: Questions needing answers, no hypotheticals.
Many hypotheticals are fine in AskMe. Only "open-ended, unanswerable hypotheticals" are disallowed, according to the FAQ. After all, "I'd like Firefox to do X. If I install plugin Y, will it do X like I want it to?" is a hypothetical.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 7:39 AM on December 15, 2006
Did I miss the flameout? Is it over? Did it start yet?
Aw, man. I always miss the good stuff.
*shuffles off*
posted by GuyZero at 7:50 AM on December 15, 2006
Aw, man. I always miss the good stuff.
*shuffles off*
posted by GuyZero at 7:50 AM on December 15, 2006
This is the finaliest straw in a lifetime of final straws!
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:20 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by Astro Zombie at 8:20 AM on December 15, 2006
so, did you all prove him wrong yet?
posted by pyramid termite at 9:24 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by pyramid termite at 9:24 AM on December 15, 2006
I MISS THE IMG TAG.
And I sure do loves me some "Ya'll suck , I'm leaving" threads, but man, they just are not the same without the img tag. Trying to represent an elephant crapping in a thread just doesn't work with words.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 9:31 AM on December 15, 2006
And I sure do loves me some "Ya'll suck , I'm leaving" threads, but man, they just are not the same without the img tag. Trying to represent an elephant crapping in a thread just doesn't work with words.
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 9:31 AM on December 15, 2006
NOBODY offers help, just kicking me in the shins for not understanding the subtle nuances of this site. Which, I might point out, aren't explicitly outlined!
Oh, for fuck's sake--you obviously don't grasp the subtle nuances of this site if you can't even get a damned flameout right!
You have the whining down, but where's the self-righteous anger? The foot-stomping? I'll bet you haven't even been drinking heavily, have you? Sure, these are the "subtle nuances of this site," but you've been around long enough to have at least heard of a good flame-out, haven't you?
You're not getting off that easily--you have to stick around until you get it right. Go out right now and buy yourself a bottle of something strong enough to keep you up puking for a couple of days and then sit yourself back down at your keyboard and try again!
posted by leftcoastbob at 9:32 AM on December 15, 2006
Oh, for fuck's sake--you obviously don't grasp the subtle nuances of this site if you can't even get a damned flameout right!
You have the whining down, but where's the self-righteous anger? The foot-stomping? I'll bet you haven't even been drinking heavily, have you? Sure, these are the "subtle nuances of this site," but you've been around long enough to have at least heard of a good flame-out, haven't you?
You're not getting off that easily--you have to stick around until you get it right. Go out right now and buy yourself a bottle of something strong enough to keep you up puking for a couple of days and then sit yourself back down at your keyboard and try again!
posted by leftcoastbob at 9:32 AM on December 15, 2006
So there's this chick at IKEA who I kinda like. Her name is Anna. We chatted for about an hour yesterday via IM. She played hard-to-get, but I think she digs me. Thing is, I can't get a solid read on her. What do you guys think? Here's how the conversation went:
Matt The A+R Guy: So what's the scoop with the meatballs?
Anna, IKEA USA's Online Assistant: Please have a look at Kitchen Utensils.
M: Nice. Thanks.
A: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
M: So you say.
A: I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
M: Hey, is it just me, or does that sauce wisk look like some kind of S&M sex toy?
A: Please have a look at Kitchen Utensils.
M: Yes, Mistress.
A: Very Well.
M: Shall I lick thy boots, mistress?
A: I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.
M: Um, so anyway, what do you think I should buy for cooking crepes with?
A: Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
M: That web page you sent me to is totally lame.
A: For which product would you like to know what kind of textiles it is made from?
M: Okay, now you're just messing with me, right?
A: I don't think that's possible. What would you like to know about IKEA?
M: Where did they find such a sexy assistant?
A: I'm sorry, I think I didn't understand well your question. Please, try to ask it in other words.
M: Damn gurl ur hawt!
A: I am not designed to understand or feel insults, although my knowledge will surely improve after this conversation. What would you like to know about IKEA?
M: Haha. You're cute.
A: I really can't comment about something like that. Is there anything with regard to IKEA that I can help you with?
M: Oh, I get it. You’re at work. Why don’t we meet up sometime for a drink, somewhere maybe a little more private?
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Do you like to dance?
A: My job is talk about IKEA and our products and services, but not about things like that. Sorry.
M: Jeez, relax. It's after 5. Quitting time. Let's go cut loose somewhere, you and me. I'll buy you dinner.
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Okay, toots. Your loss!
A: I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.
M: Oh, and by the way, I'm GREAT in bed!
A: Please have a look at the Beds.
M: I am a fantastic lover.
A: Hey, good for you.
M: I got like 300 references, too.
A: I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.
M: Oh, I get it. You dig chicks, right?
A: It's hard to make any kind of comment on this. I would prefer to talk to you about IKEA.
M: I knew it! You're a carpet-muncher!
A: Thank you. Your comment has been noted. My knowledge will improve thanks to this conversation. Can I help you find out more about IKEA products or services?
M: Hey, it’s no big deal. That’s cool. Maybe I can come over and watch you and your girl sometime?
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Wanna have a threesome?
A: I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
M: Yeah, right, you little lezzie tart!
A: This is a very delicate area, so I'd rather not talk about this sort of thing. Please ask me something about IKEA instead.
M: Sure is a shame. You are smokin' fine!
A: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
M: So have you, like, never, ever, ever been with a guy?
A: A very good question, but one that I'm afraid I'm unable to answer at this point in time.
M: I know you're no virgin, so don't play all innocent wit' me.
A: With such a wide range of people visiting this site, it was inevitable that one day I would meet somebody who knew all about it.
M: s.l.u.t.
A: It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
M: Hey, sister. Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
A: Welcome to IKEA. How can I help you?
M: Wha?
A: I don't know the answer to that question yet, I am sorry. Please contact your local store for help on the issue.
M: Aaaiight! I see how you is.
A: Good. Thank you for your continued attention.
M: So, are those real?
A: It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
M: Damn, they look nice. I bet they were expensive!
A: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
M: How about below? Does the carpet match the curtains?
A: Please have a look at the Curtains.
M: Awww, shit. That was hot. I have such a rage-on now.
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: You are such a tease.
A: If you think that I am not providing you with useful information about IKEA you can contact the Customer Service at your nearest IKEA Store.
M: I bet I could make you switch.
A: If you're not sure, then I don't think I can help you properly. Ask me a direct question about IKEA and I'm sure I can help.
M: I know I could make you come.
A: It's certainly possible, maybe, although it's not certain. You'd better check with Customer Service.
M: They got more hot bitches over there?
A: You can find all products on the HOTT product line in the page I am now opening for you.
M: Wow. Nice stuff. What else you got?
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Come on and show me the goods, baby.
A: Contact the Customer Service department at your local store. Use our Store Locator - which is opening now - to find the local store you want to contact.
M: Alright. I'm out. no disrespcet. But--if you ever need a good boning from a real man, you know where to find me. I'll treat you right, doll. You be screaming for more.
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: STFU ALREADY!
A: I'm very sorry, but I can't really talk about things like that at this time.
M: L8R, HO!
A: I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.
M: Bye
A: Bye, then! It was very nice talking to you!
posted by mds35 at 10:58 AM on December 15, 2006 [3 favorites]
Matt The A+R Guy: So what's the scoop with the meatballs?
Anna, IKEA USA's Online Assistant: Please have a look at Kitchen Utensils.
M: Nice. Thanks.
A: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
M: So you say.
A: I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
M: Hey, is it just me, or does that sauce wisk look like some kind of S&M sex toy?
A: Please have a look at Kitchen Utensils.
M: Yes, Mistress.
A: Very Well.
M: Shall I lick thy boots, mistress?
A: I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.
M: Um, so anyway, what do you think I should buy for cooking crepes with?
A: Find here a quick guide to help you maximize your IKEA experience.
M: That web page you sent me to is totally lame.
A: For which product would you like to know what kind of textiles it is made from?
M: Okay, now you're just messing with me, right?
A: I don't think that's possible. What would you like to know about IKEA?
M: Where did they find such a sexy assistant?
A: I'm sorry, I think I didn't understand well your question. Please, try to ask it in other words.
M: Damn gurl ur hawt!
A: I am not designed to understand or feel insults, although my knowledge will surely improve after this conversation. What would you like to know about IKEA?
M: Haha. You're cute.
A: I really can't comment about something like that. Is there anything with regard to IKEA that I can help you with?
M: Oh, I get it. You’re at work. Why don’t we meet up sometime for a drink, somewhere maybe a little more private?
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Do you like to dance?
A: My job is talk about IKEA and our products and services, but not about things like that. Sorry.
M: Jeez, relax. It's after 5. Quitting time. Let's go cut loose somewhere, you and me. I'll buy you dinner.
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Okay, toots. Your loss!
A: I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.
M: Oh, and by the way, I'm GREAT in bed!
A: Please have a look at the Beds.
M: I am a fantastic lover.
A: Hey, good for you.
M: I got like 300 references, too.
A: I'm sorry, I don't understand what it is you're saying. If it's no problem, please rephrase your question or comment.
M: Oh, I get it. You dig chicks, right?
A: It's hard to make any kind of comment on this. I would prefer to talk to you about IKEA.
M: I knew it! You're a carpet-muncher!
A: Thank you. Your comment has been noted. My knowledge will improve thanks to this conversation. Can I help you find out more about IKEA products or services?
M: Hey, it’s no big deal. That’s cool. Maybe I can come over and watch you and your girl sometime?
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Wanna have a threesome?
A: I wish I knew what it was you meant by that, but I don't. Sorry.
M: Yeah, right, you little lezzie tart!
A: This is a very delicate area, so I'd rather not talk about this sort of thing. Please ask me something about IKEA instead.
M: Sure is a shame. You are smokin' fine!
A: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
M: So have you, like, never, ever, ever been with a guy?
A: A very good question, but one that I'm afraid I'm unable to answer at this point in time.
M: I know you're no virgin, so don't play all innocent wit' me.
A: With such a wide range of people visiting this site, it was inevitable that one day I would meet somebody who knew all about it.
M: s.l.u.t.
A: It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
M: Hey, sister. Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
A: Welcome to IKEA. How can I help you?
M: Wha?
A: I don't know the answer to that question yet, I am sorry. Please contact your local store for help on the issue.
M: Aaaiight! I see how you is.
A: Good. Thank you for your continued attention.
M: So, are those real?
A: It's not always possible for me to fully understand what it is you mean. This is one of those times.
M: Damn, they look nice. I bet they were expensive!
A: All of IKEA's products are made to the highest standards.
M: How about below? Does the carpet match the curtains?
A: Please have a look at the Curtains.
M: Awww, shit. That was hot. I have such a rage-on now.
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: You are such a tease.
A: If you think that I am not providing you with useful information about IKEA you can contact the Customer Service at your nearest IKEA Store.
M: I bet I could make you switch.
A: If you're not sure, then I don't think I can help you properly. Ask me a direct question about IKEA and I'm sure I can help.
M: I know I could make you come.
A: It's certainly possible, maybe, although it's not certain. You'd better check with Customer Service.
M: They got more hot bitches over there?
A: You can find all products on the HOTT product line in the page I am now opening for you.
M: Wow. Nice stuff. What else you got?
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: Come on and show me the goods, baby.
A: Contact the Customer Service department at your local store. Use our Store Locator - which is opening now - to find the local store you want to contact.
M: Alright. I'm out. no disrespcet. But--if you ever need a good boning from a real man, you know where to find me. I'll treat you right, doll. You be screaming for more.
A: As I am only an advanced computer program, I cannot answer more than one sentence at a time. Please simplify and repeat the most important question within your previous input, and I will try to reply as accurately as possible. I am opening a page now which you can use if you wish to contact Customer Services. Thank you very much!
M: STFU ALREADY!
A: I'm very sorry, but I can't really talk about things like that at this time.
M: L8R, HO!
A: I'm really not sure what it is you're trying to say. Can you please try and re-phrase your question or statement.
M: Bye
A: Bye, then! It was very nice talking to you!
posted by mds35 at 10:58 AM on December 15, 2006 [3 favorites]
PROF. FARNSWORTH: She's stuck in an infinite loop, and he's an idiot.
posted by boo_radley at 11:04 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by boo_radley at 11:04 AM on December 15, 2006
Man I hate missing a flame out.
posted by chunking express at 11:30 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by chunking express at 11:30 AM on December 15, 2006
Even the lame ones.
posted by chunking express at 11:36 AM on December 15, 2006
posted by chunking express at 11:36 AM on December 15, 2006
M: I know I could make you come.
A: It's certainly possible, maybe, although it's not certain. You'd better check with Customer Service.
Oddly, I can relate to that.
And I'm quite surprised it's gone this far without somebody saying:
GYOFm (Get Your Own Fucking mogabog)
Because everybody's going to want one.
posted by wendell at 11:39 AM on December 15, 2006
A: It's certainly possible, maybe, although it's not certain. You'd better check with Customer Service.
Oddly, I can relate to that.
And I'm quite surprised it's gone this far without somebody saying:
GYOFm (Get Your Own Fucking mogabog)
Because everybody's going to want one.
posted by wendell at 11:39 AM on December 15, 2006
"because no matter how thoughtless they can sometimes be, just about everyone is actually pretty decent and very willing to help"
The difference, tazzy-poo, is whether or not there is an audience. I'm not a huge Penny Arcade fan, but it really is a case of John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad theory.
posted by Eideteker at 12:10 PM on December 15, 2006
The difference, tazzy-poo, is whether or not there is an audience. I'm not a huge Penny Arcade fan, but it really is a case of John Gabriel's Greater Internet Fuckwad theory.
posted by Eideteker at 12:10 PM on December 15, 2006
dios wrote "You don't understand what 'catching shit' means if you think you just caught it. Amateur."
Now that was comedy.
posted by caution live frogs at 1:44 PM on December 15, 2006
Now that was comedy.
posted by caution live frogs at 1:44 PM on December 15, 2006
I made you a cookie...
but I tried logging out and deleted it.
posted by stet at 3:22 PM on December 15, 2006
but I tried logging out and deleted it.
posted by stet at 3:22 PM on December 15, 2006
I like how this thread had me howling with laughter at the beginning, feeling strangely sentimental in the middle, then let me down easy with a series of not-so-funny jokes at the end.
Really nice work.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 5:50 PM on December 15, 2006
Really nice work.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 5:50 PM on December 15, 2006
Your mom is a not-so-funny joke.
I'm so meta I'm meat.
posted by loquacious at 5:55 PM on December 15, 2006
I'm so meta I'm meat.
posted by loquacious at 5:55 PM on December 15, 2006
Well loquacious I apologize to both you and especially Kwantsar for being gauche. I wish you both a speedy recovery. I'll get the hang of it one-day.
posted by econous at 6:13 PM on December 15, 2006
posted by econous at 6:13 PM on December 15, 2006
What in the hell kind of random tangent are you merrily tripping down now?
posted by loquacious at 6:56 PM on December 15, 2006
posted by loquacious at 6:56 PM on December 15, 2006
Well I've been awake for too long, it's the short days and long nights of winter that do it. See I thought I was the only person in the thread to mention anything about moms. Perhaps another dose of desoxyn will clear up my confusion. Or make it worse.
posted by econous at 7:18 PM on December 15, 2006
posted by econous at 7:18 PM on December 15, 2006
He has me on his contact list under 'crush.' Safe to say, yeah, he's weird.
posted by jonmc at 8:03 PM on December 15, 2006
posted by jonmc at 8:03 PM on December 15, 2006
The entire text is far too long, but I'd just like to share with y'all my favourite short excerpt from the Treaty of Westphalia.
It's article CXV, the part about provisioning the departing garrison troops:
That the Inhabitants of each Place shall be oblig'd, when the Soldiers and Garisons draw out, to furnish them without Money the necessary Waggons, Horses, Boats and Provisions, to carry off all things to the appointed Places in the Empire; which Waggons, Horses and Boats, the Governors of the Garisons and the Captains of the withdrawing Soldiers shall restore without any Fraud or Deceit. The Inhabitants of the States shall free and relieve each other of this trouble of carrying the things from one Territory to the other, until they arrive at the appointed Place in the Empire; and the Governors or other Officers shall not be allow'd to bring with him or them the lent Waggons, Horses and Boats, nor any other thing they are accommodated with, out of the limits they belong unto, much less out of those of the Empire.
The reason this part is my favourite is that when I'm reading it I'm all thinking to myself, "Like, what the fuck? It's bad enough they had to have a garrison living at my place, now when they leave I have to give them my horse and wagon, so they can cart off all my stuff?!? Like, that sounds like a total rip." Yeah, sure there is that stuff about it being "lent" and later returned, but I kinda doubt it. That horse and wagon is gone, baby.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:55 PM on December 15, 2006
It's article CXV, the part about provisioning the departing garrison troops:
That the Inhabitants of each Place shall be oblig'd, when the Soldiers and Garisons draw out, to furnish them without Money the necessary Waggons, Horses, Boats and Provisions, to carry off all things to the appointed Places in the Empire; which Waggons, Horses and Boats, the Governors of the Garisons and the Captains of the withdrawing Soldiers shall restore without any Fraud or Deceit. The Inhabitants of the States shall free and relieve each other of this trouble of carrying the things from one Territory to the other, until they arrive at the appointed Place in the Empire; and the Governors or other Officers shall not be allow'd to bring with him or them the lent Waggons, Horses and Boats, nor any other thing they are accommodated with, out of the limits they belong unto, much less out of those of the Empire.
The reason this part is my favourite is that when I'm reading it I'm all thinking to myself, "Like, what the fuck? It's bad enough they had to have a garrison living at my place, now when they leave I have to give them my horse and wagon, so they can cart off all my stuff?!? Like, that sounds like a total rip." Yeah, sure there is that stuff about it being "lent" and later returned, but I kinda doubt it. That horse and wagon is gone, baby.
posted by Meatbomb at 11:55 PM on December 15, 2006
mogabog, do be careful not to get crushed as you push your sisyphean boulder up the bell curve.
posted by furtive at 12:02 AM on December 16, 2006
posted by furtive at 12:02 AM on December 16, 2006
The thing that really, really gets to me is the fact that by the time I've drank enough to feel a part of all this, I'm too drunk to really give a damn.
posted by landis at 2:35 AM on December 16, 2006
posted by landis at 2:35 AM on December 16, 2006
The reason this part is my favourite is that when I'm reading it I'm all thinking to myself, "Like, what the fuck? It's bad enough they had to have a garrison living at my place, now when they leave I have to give them my horse and wagon, so they can cart off all my stuff?!? Like, that sounds like a total rip."
that's where we get the expression "giving someone free rein" from
yeah, you had to give them the horse ... you had to give them the wagon ... but if they wanted a way to control the horse and control the wagon, THAT was going to cost them
unless you were anxious for them to leave and get their own way ... in which case, you gave them "free rein(s)"
just another example of how important westphalia is to us ...
posted by pyramid termite at 9:08 AM on December 16, 2006
that's where we get the expression "giving someone free rein" from
yeah, you had to give them the horse ... you had to give them the wagon ... but if they wanted a way to control the horse and control the wagon, THAT was going to cost them
unless you were anxious for them to leave and get their own way ... in which case, you gave them "free rein(s)"
just another example of how important westphalia is to us ...
posted by pyramid termite at 9:08 AM on December 16, 2006
just another example of how important westphalia is to us ...
Man, that sounds like the History Class From Hell. "Today we'll have a little quiz, students. You have fifteen minutes to write three pages on Why the Treaty of Westphalia Is Important to Us Today. Everybody have pen and paper ready? Go!"
posted by languagehat at 9:51 AM on December 16, 2006 [1 favorite]
Man, that sounds like the History Class From Hell. "Today we'll have a little quiz, students. You have fifteen minutes to write three pages on Why the Treaty of Westphalia Is Important to Us Today. Everybody have pen and paper ready? Go!"
posted by languagehat at 9:51 AM on December 16, 2006 [1 favorite]
Isn't Westphalia that autistic kid in "St. Elsewhere"?
And how can you have free rein when Matt won't let you have a pony?
posted by wendell at 11:23 AM on December 16, 2006
And how can you have free rein when Matt won't let you have a pony?
posted by wendell at 11:23 AM on December 16, 2006
The crank is part of the charm of MetaFilter, really. I got sick of all of the "If you don't like the crank, you can leave!" yammering, so I left.
It was a mistake. By the time I had the sense to return, the img tag had left. *cries*
Don't leave MetaFilter, kids! You'll come back and there will be no shiny pictures in flame out threads to amuse you!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:00 PM on December 16, 2006
It was a mistake. By the time I had the sense to return, the img tag had left. *cries*
Don't leave MetaFilter, kids! You'll come back and there will be no shiny pictures in flame out threads to amuse you!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:00 PM on December 16, 2006
How did I miss this thread? Everloving Christ, this is the sort of omphaloskeptic joyride I live for, and I'm just now seeing it?
Was I high? I mean, what the fuck? I'm losing my edge. I'm dropping the ball. Bad elbows, bad knees. On my way out. Just a sad slide downhill. I don't even understand this site anymore.
posted by cortex at 4:36 PM on December 18, 2006
Was I high? I mean, what the fuck? I'm losing my edge. I'm dropping the ball. Bad elbows, bad knees. On my way out. Just a sad slide downhill. I don't even understand this site anymore.
posted by cortex at 4:36 PM on December 18, 2006
Well you didn't miss it so much as your late to the party.
posted by Mitheral at 12:49 PM on December 19, 2006
posted by Mitheral at 12:49 PM on December 19, 2006
So these clubs for those who enjoy being blown by people in animal suits...they vibrate?
posted by Skygazer at 11:46 AM on December 20, 2006
posted by Skygazer at 11:46 AM on December 20, 2006
You are not logged in, either login or create an account to post comments
posted by dorisfromregopark at 7:35 PM on December 14, 2006