just checking March 16, 2007 9:44 PM   Subscribe


Don't get me wrong, I love his posts and his stories.
I just want to know if I'm a chump or not for believing them. Unless asking will make him disappear in a poof of green smoke, like a leprechaun, because leprechauns do that. In which case, carry on, nothing to see here.
posted by granted at 9:44 PM on March 16, 2007


Don't let reality get in the way of a good story IMO.
posted by bardic at 9:54 PM on March 16, 2007


I didn't believe that last one either, but I wasn't going to say anything, until you brought it up.
posted by Listener at 9:58 PM on March 16, 2007


Who cares if they're "real"; they're "stories" either way, and they're pretty good stories. That's the best we can hope for around here, isn't it?
posted by cgc373 at 10:00 PM on March 16, 2007


tkchrist? I fucked 'im.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:02 PM on March 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Yeah, sounds pretty fake. But who knows, right?
posted by puke & cry at 10:06 PM on March 16, 2007


Comment fables? Mentioned here in a thread on the sanguine robotic law enforcement officer.
posted by chinston at 10:12 PM on March 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


tkchrist was a mans man. You know what I mean? He could eat twenty pounds of raw fish and wash it down with a rusty bucket of whiskey.

When I was knee high to a duck he used to come around the farm looking for work. My grandpa (raised all us kids after mom died) would give him a shovel and send him out on the back nine to dig irrigation ditches or help him drop some timber. One day he got drunk and fell out of a 100' poplar. We thought he had broken every bone in his body , turns out he was wearing a cup at the time , and it broke his fall. He lived up the road from us in a one room shack and was about as poor as we were. He had an old mule he called midnight, used for plowing up rocky ground. I would walk behind . . . ah , busting up clods with my own two feet. tkchrist was a friend of mine.
posted by nola at 10:14 PM on March 16, 2007 [2 favorites]


This is like that best of craigslist post.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:16 PM on March 16, 2007


One does get the impression that he is not fond of Ann Coulter.
posted by y2karl at 10:39 PM on March 16, 2007


"Lying" is such an... ugly word. I prefer to think of it more as "mythologising." Who's to say which details are important, really? Out here in the tubes, anything is possible if you want it to be. Anything.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:40 PM on March 16, 2007 [1 favorite]


Go and see Big Fish, this answers your questions nicely. Which is to say, yes, he is, and also no, he isn't. (Probably.)
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:44 PM on March 16, 2007


He reminds me of a friend who used to tell such wild, bombastic tales. Having been on a few adventures with him and some wild experiences of my own besides, I'm more than willing to give tkchrist the benefit of the doubt.

The truth is so much stranger than anything anyone would really care to admit. It's vastly stranger than fiction just for starters.

Or, so what if they are "lies"?

I'm going to mangle and alter a known parable:

You're on a walk through a forest. It's a gorgeous spring day. Up ahead along the forested, ferned trail in a clearing there's a patch of bright red wildflowers. It's all very gorgeous and you stop to appreciate the view of the flowers framed by the trees.

As you approach, something looks odd, though. It turns out the wildflowers are actually candy wrappers, of a brand you particularly loath. Someone has folded dozens of them into little flower shapes and intentionally littered the forest. For the purposes of this parable, you're disgusted and outraged.

Does that devalue your first appreciation and viewing of the "wildflowers"? Does it spoil the moment you had?

If so, why?
posted by loquacious at 11:04 PM on March 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


These stories don't really fall outside the realm of what I would consider likely, they're just well told.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 11:25 PM on March 16, 2007


Does that devalue your first appreciation and viewing of the "wildflowers"? Does it spoil the moment you had? If so, why?

Yes. Yes. Because emotions are not discreet moment to moment and joy->disgust/disappointment is a bad, highly affective transition. That's why they use it so much in movies and game shows.
Jesus I hope I got that one right. I was never good at parables.
posted by carsonb at 11:28 PM on March 16, 2007


It is kind of weird that people make up elaborate stories about what happened to themselves. There's many folks that deal with people like that in real life and there's at least 1 askmetafilter thread about it and the consensus is that it really pisses people off.

But here, we really don't know anything anyone says is real. We can't really call them on it unless we have proof and even then it's not a big deal. But it would be nice for someone to admit that their fanciful stories were fiction.
posted by puke & cry at 11:29 PM on March 16, 2007


Metafilter: There's at least 1 askmetafilter thread about it and the consensus is that it really pisses people off.
posted by Schlimmbesserung at 11:32 PM on March 16, 2007


I heart tkchrist. And I believe tkchrist. I've known people who would have lived like that.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:35 PM on March 16, 2007


[postview]

Seriously, I've known several people who I know have lived similar lives. In the Citadel-86 online crowd in Edmonton were several highly interesting and rather intense people. Both intense and sane, and intense and insane. Quite literally.

I am perfectly content to believe that much of what tkchrist writes is true in fact, if not in detail. Sewn of wholecloth, as it were. Tall truth, not tall tales. He is an excellent writer.

Come to think of it, there were some Vancouver C-86 folk who were obsessed with martial arts, intense drug use, and alternative sexual lifestyles. A few of them could well have been tkchrist.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:42 PM on March 16, 2007


I saw tkchrist once. I was in one of the glitzy casinos in Vegas. It was about three in the morning, when only the drunks, the dreamers and the destitute are still up and dancing with the one-armed bandit. I don't care to say which category I fell into at the time, but I will say I've never been much for REM sleep.

My eyes were starting to blur, but I kept pumping coins into the machines and praying for Lady Luck to smile down on this weary wayward supplicant. I had developed quite a rhythm--coin, pray, pull, coin, pray, pull--when I was yanked out of my stupor by a weary blonde mumbling what I thought at first was "Jesus Christ."

It was late, I was lonely, and all-in-all she wasn't a bad looking dame, sort of a cross between a 40 year old Sarah Michelle Geller and my technicolor memories of Marcy Crumbsfeldt, the first girl who ever let me round second base. So I took a break from investing in my ad hoc retirement plan to see if maybe my luck would run in another direction.

"Can I help you?"

"T. K. Christ," she said, more cleary this time, and pointed across the room. There he was. Strange chap. Balls as big as oranges, covered in pee and smelling like an overheated engine. He caught a glimpse of blondie and started shuffling across the room.

"You got wheels?" she asked.

"Nothing fancy. Just an aging Pontiac with an artistically arranged dent pattern. But she gets me where I need to go."

"That'll do. Care to get me out of here?"

Jingling with unused quarters, we slid out the door and into the night. T.K. Christ (Ex-boyfriend? Extortionist? Exterminator? I never found out.) ran out after us, trying to catch up to my new paramour, but we had too great a lead. We whipped out onto the strip, with only a lingering aroma of celebrity piss to remind us of the encounter.

Thus began four of the most interesting months of my life, crossing the country with Sarah Michelle Crumbsfeldt. But that's for another thread. This one's about tkchrist, and I only saw him that once. Dude sure left an impression, though.
posted by Pater Aletheias at 11:45 PM on March 16, 2007 [12 favorites]


For the record, I'm actually a cow named Betsy.

I choose to believe that all of tkchrist's stories are true. I don't know if they are or not, there is no way for me to know 100%, but they're good stories and not too far removed from reality. So I choose to accept them... it's not like he's trying to sell me something.
posted by Kattullus at 11:52 PM on March 16, 2007


So I choose to accept them... it's not like he's trying to sell me something.

And thus we witness the birth of a new religion.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:57 PM on March 16, 2007 [3 favorites]


All asking appears to have done is un-sidebar his comment.
posted by onalark at 12:08 AM on March 17, 2007


All asking appears to have done is un-sidebar his comment.

Hm, that's interesting. I'd like to know what happened with that.
posted by puke & cry at 12:16 AM on March 17, 2007


Some of us like thinking there are quarters in our ears.
posted by roll truck roll at 12:25 AM on March 17, 2007


I don't mean to be rude, but if you think tkchrist's stories are so outlandish as to be made-up, you can't have led a very interesting life.

Sit me down and buy me a dozen beers sometime, I'll tell you some stories.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 12:25 AM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


I'd like to think that anyone that can write like that or at least tell stories with that level of detail leads a life where he's focused enough on the details that the uninteresting magically transfers into the realm of the interesting.

And, Pater, after reading the links in the OP, I sprayed coke all over the keyboard while reading your comment...and I wasn't even drinking coke.
posted by thanotopsis at 12:50 AM on March 17, 2007


Who cares if it's "true" or not.

Therefore, I firmly conclude that poetry is a sophistic art and that through imitation, which is its proper genus, and the credible, which is its subject, and through delight, which is its end, when it is under that genus, and has that subject, and gains that end, it is many times forced to find room for the false.
--Giacopo Mazzoni, On the Defense of the Comedy of Dante
posted by exlotuseater at 1:09 AM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


Eh, they're not that wild. I liked the Hank Rollins one, myself, and am perfectly happy believing it true.
posted by mr_roboto at 1:18 AM on March 17, 2007


No, but seriously..."lying" really was an overly harsh word. "Mythologising" is good. "Truthying" maybe.

It's just that when I read his stories, I get the same mildly uncomfortable feeling that everyone knows they're fables except me. Like how I felt while reading The Princess Bride or listening to Benjamen Walker's Theory of Everything, and those really did turn out to be fake, soooo...


I don't mean to be rude, but if you think tkchrist's stories are so outlandish as to be made-up, you can't have led a very interesting life.


this is also true.

posted by granted at 1:23 AM on March 17, 2007


I'd like to know what happened with that.

I wasn't aware that tkchrist was a sort of serial storyteller here on MeFi and whether his story was true or not did matter to me. So: sidebarred, then unsidebarred.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:34 AM on March 17, 2007


jessamyn, if tkchrist pops in here and defends himself, saying he's telling true tales in entertaining ways, will you reinstate his story about The Six-Million-Dollar Man peeing on him?
posted by cgc373 at 1:54 AM on March 17, 2007


and whether his story was true or not did matter to me.

Thank god. Thought I was the only one.
posted by justgary at 2:23 AM on March 17, 2007


it's been my observation that people who live their lives as if they could be that interesting end up with interesting stories to tell ... sometimes, they don't even have to try to live their lives that way ... and sometimes, it can be a depressing pain in the ass, full of stories one DOESN'T want to tell

my life's been kind of dull lately ... i'm kind of grateful for that
posted by pyramid termite at 3:18 AM on March 17, 2007


This is the stupidest fucking callout I've ever seen. And that's no tall tale.
posted by Optamystic at 3:20 AM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


Where I come from, if you call a man a liar, you'd better be able to back it up.
posted by Optamystic at 3:30 AM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


And where I come from, we appreciate a person who can take life and fashion it into a good tale, as we pass the time Waiting for Godot. The Truth is not always best served by those who give the plainest account of a series of events.
posted by Abiezer at 4:20 AM on March 17, 2007


and let's face it, a lot of his stories are almost pre-internet. We actually had lives people, we didn't spend 8 hours a day watching the blue, or green, or grey for that matter.
On this St Patrick's day, I vote TKChrist an honarary Irishman cos teling the story is as important as living it.
I've spent more than 40 years on this planet and travelled a huge amount, often on my own. I was not risk-averse. That is not the same as saying I took risks, although it is a fine line.
I know for a fact that some of the stories I could tell would not be believed, but hey, that's not a problem.

Many people here seem to inhabit an internet, risk-averse bubble, that just doesn't allow real life to seep in at the edges.

lame call-out
posted by Wilder at 4:35 AM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


I don't mean to be rude, but if you think tkchrist's stories are so outlandish as to be made-up, you can't have led a very interesting life.

Repeated for emphasis.
posted by atrazine at 5:47 AM on March 17, 2007


We actually had lives people, we didn't spend 8 hours a day watching the blue, or green, or grey for that matter.

I really like Wilder's take....not to say that I have less of a life...but a much different one than I had before.
posted by nevercalm at 6:44 AM on March 17, 2007


I rather like this tkchrist fellow. I'd absently piss on his donuts any time.
posted by econous at 7:00 AM on March 17, 2007


Asking if tkchrist tells true stories is like asking if a magician can really do magic or if a ventriloquist's dummy really talks. The real fun comes in believing.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 7:20 AM on March 17, 2007


wait wait wait. is this the same guy who who sniped st paul and said "haha pwn3d" before he was kicked off the server? fuck that guy.
posted by shmegegge at 8:39 AM on March 17, 2007


There was a user on Monkeyfilter, and I believe she bought an account here, named Moneyjane. She claimed to be a prostitute who had fantastic adventures, which frankly would be a decent pitch for a movie if it was James Bonded up a bit. But as the stories went on, the plausibility went down, but she was widely loved. I think that, especially on the internet, there are people who read with their mouths intentionally open for the fishhook, who want to be entertained and believe, and I also think that where the incentive of having people think you're so cool exists, people will step in to fill the niche. There are so many people with boring lives who want to escape, so many people who want to worship that the priests would be foolish not to arrive.
There are things that tkchrist has said that I don't doubt are true (why claim being a writer for Almost Live if you weren't? Though I'd tend to believe he was more responsible for the interminable kung fu shorts with the feet that sought out evil tacked underneath the camera, rather than the High Fivin' White Guys), and there are things that have too many pat, "just so" details to be what actually happened.
As such, he falls into that E.L. Doctorow truthiness that's become a hallmark of our time.
But hey, I can say that I've obscured true things in my stories, and emphasized things that made for a better story. It does lead to a bad taste in the mouth when you think that you're being spun more than you're due, but I recognize the impulse and can't condemn it fully. I will say, though, that I moved into journalism partly because I recognized that tendency within myself, and wanted to work on making true stories better rather than making false ones sound "truer."
(There was also a great Believer article on Stephen Glass that I'd link to but I don't think is on the web, which talks about how to make something up and have people believe it, and I see a lot of the techniques used there in tkchrists' work. Which doesn't mean they're not true, just means that if I were editing, I'd be a damn hard fact-checker for him to get past).
posted by klangklangston at 8:40 AM on March 17, 2007 [3 favorites]


Some people have lots of stories to tell. The details aren't always true, but they're usually based in reality. People don't believe them sometimes, and there's a reason for that -- for example, if I'm telling a funny story about something interesting that happened to me, I tell it like a joke. I repeat dialogue, I gesticulate wildly. I want it to be as entertaining to other people as it was to me at the time. I don't do it for attention as much as that's how I learned to relate to people. Some of my favorite memories are of hanging out late at night, meeting people and sharing crazy stories. I am sure that some of them weren't true, but I didn't care. It's about being inspired to embrace life as a series of absurd experiences.

I also agree with the bit that if you live your life open to it, all sorts of interesting things happen. I have had so many shitty things happen to me and at the time I just tell myself: "At least this will be a good story to tell someday at a party." I pay attention to details. I try not to tune out possibilities.

I've also met people who take this too far. They do it only for attention and have to make up wild, unbelievable stories to get people to like them. Those people are annoying. But I would totally grab a beer with tkchrist anyday.
posted by pazazygeek at 8:45 AM on March 17, 2007


I enjoyed tkchrist's story but am glad it's off the sidebar. It wasn't that good.
posted by languagehat at 9:05 AM on March 17, 2007


This is one of those cases where a mere question has been established as a fact. Someone says, "Is he lying?" and a sysop responds with an action more appropriate to someone saying, "He is lying; I can prove it, and this is how," and then going ahead and proving it beyond a doubt. No proof here, only a question, and tkchrist's comment is un-sidebarred and the action is explained by saying that truth matters (the implication being that his stories aren't true; if they were, and truth mattered, the story would still be up).

Nobody's slandering anyone here, certainly not the questioner (who sounds flabbergasted that anyone here could have such crazy adventures), but when someone in power turns a question into an allegation and an allegation into a retribution without any input from the accused, well, I don't know what to say but that it sucks.

Maybe I'm just touchy about people being publicly called liars by community leaders based on gut feeling rather than investigation. Sysops have power not just to change what's on the site, but to sway the opinion of a large group of people. It doesn't take much for a leader to ruin a reputation, and it can be pretty upsetting to see a trickle turn to a flood because the right person pulled the right stone from the dam.

I don't know whether tkchrist's telling the truth, but I'm inclined to believe him, and since it doesn't matter to me either way (and since I've been in situations that might push the limits of some folks' belief), I see a lot more harm in calling him a liar than not.

And on preview, though the story may not have deserved to be on the sidebar, the clear cause of its removal, unproven allegations of falsity, is a bad one.
posted by breezeway at 9:10 AM on March 17, 2007 [2 favorites]


So who would have to piss on you to get the story permanently in the sidebar?

ps. This is a low end, unclassy callout of no merit at all.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:11 AM on March 17, 2007


OK, so... is tkchrist lying?

What, you don't believe his stories? And nor should you.... Y'know why not? Because, well, let me quote:

"Of course you don't, they say. Because WE'RE NINJAS."

and you should never believe a NINJA.


But seriously, that nija line made me giggle.

Anyhoo, whether the stories are true or not, I don't think it matters. They are enjoyable, sometimes (often) have a point and frankly are entertaining. The best part about the stories is that if you feel like you're dealing with a self-aggrandizing asshole who's had too much to drink, you can just not read about it, unlike say if you're at a bar and said self-aggrandizer is sitting beside you, boring you to tears.

Thanks for pointing out the comments. Somehow, I haven't seen them until now. You and tkchrist have put a smile on my face that will last the day.

/me goes off to talk to some cows about The Beast.
posted by ashbury at 9:17 AM on March 17, 2007


Agreed, lame call out. Go play outside and stop worrying about the veracity of stories posted by a person you'll never meet (unless, of course, he's the guy who always takes your order when you call out for pizza, and he's come to know every little intimate detail of your life through the fluctuation in pizza toppings).
posted by moonbird at 9:33 AM on March 17, 2007


When they sound like he's having fun with them, tkchrist's ridiculous stories are a-ok by me -- true or not. I've definitely lived through more than my share of totally wacked-out situations that sound completely made-up & unbelievable but aren't. So I can appreciate the possibilities. Got nothing against the guy. (Well, as long as he doesn't pick me apart when my comments aren't symbiotic with his... 'cuz when he called himself my "enemy" last month? Frankly, it kinda weirded me out in a big way.)
posted by miss lynnster at 10:11 AM on March 17, 2007


This one time? On MetaFilter? I...
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:43 AM on March 17, 2007


I'm pretty sure that this isn't a callout. I think someone was just too curious not to ask.

Also, I'm pretty sure that the link was removed from the sidebar UNTIL tkchrist chimes in to say "yeah, that's a true story, I wasn't just bullshitting." It's not that jessamyn believes he's lying. I think it's that, if he's just bullshitting (and there's a reason he's been drawing comparisons to Big Fish for these stories), then it's probably not a good idea to sidebar a story who's only point is to say "dude, what if a real celebrity pissed on me? lol."
posted by shmegegge at 10:49 AM on March 17, 2007


If the story had been over-the-top enough to be an obvious tall tale, it'd be fine for the sidebar, but it's kind of odd to highlight a story that isn't true (if it isn't true) (and there's plenty of reason to think it isn't given the commenter's interest in tall tales) in a context where most readers will assume it's true.
posted by serazin at 10:54 AM on March 17, 2007


See, that's exactly how it works. Until tkchrist comes in and what, proves it's true? Apologizes for making people question his truthfulness? Sets his detractors' minds to rest? Until he comes here to explain himself, he's treated like a liar. And you agree with that treatment, or even extend the sysop a benefit of doubt you and she are unwilling to extend to tkchrist. Why, exactly? You don't like his stories? You think he's a liar? You presume that others have to prove to you whatever you demand of them? You're swayed by the clout of a sysop who tells us that she's taking a post off the high-esteem list because truth matters to her, and you concoct a favorable scenario about how she's not calling him a liar, tkchrist's post is just in a holding tank until he comes clean. Until he cops to telling the truth. Surely his silence means he's a liar, right?

Whether his story is true or false isn't the issue. That he is here called into question and then treated like a liar, is. And the fact that the liar treatment is meted out by a Very Important Person is a problem. Oh, the sysop called him a liar, he must be one. Even if he appeared here to say he was telling the truth, who would believe him then?

You'll bend over backward to believe these fanciful motivations you ascribe to the sysop and the call-out artist. I guess they've got you convinced. Didn't take much.
posted by breezeway at 11:32 AM on March 17, 2007


Jesus, breezeway, chill out. This isn't about you. If tkchrist comes by to say he's mortally offended, we can worry about that, or not. You don't have a dog in this fight.
posted by languagehat at 11:40 AM on March 17, 2007 [3 favorites]


breezeway, you yourself are bending toward your interpretation: you've painted jessamyn (and you can use her name, instead of distancing yourself with "sysop") as declaring tkchrist a liar, when she could be very reasonably seen as wanting to vet the damn thing first now that it's questionable.

There's no flashing red text on the sidebar saying "tkchrist liar until proven otherwise, disregard bullshit comment". This issue is invisible right now to all but the tiny segment of the site that's reading metatalk, and even that collective seems to be less than pitchforks-and-torches on the subject.

I don't like the idea of calling people liars either, and as granted admitted, it was a lousy choice of words. But I haven't seen any blanket condemnation here.
posted by cortex (staff) at 11:49 AM on March 17, 2007


Sorry guys, I feel like a dick now.
posted by granted at 11:52 AM on March 17, 2007


In the absence of evidence, all we have is probability or plausibility. But actually we don't even have those. So what are we left with? Gut feeling. And that is worth shit. We should not even consider the question until such a time as it becomes necessary due to a more serious issue than just pure curiosity. The issue of the sidebar...Not serious in my opinion.
posted by Catfry at 11:53 AM on March 17, 2007


Actually what I meant was, we can discuss this as vehemently as possible, but as so many other discussions here, it will be pretty pointless. It won't be definately proven one way or the other.
posted by Catfry at 12:00 PM on March 17, 2007


We have a sidebar?
posted by dirigibleman at 12:01 PM on March 17, 2007


I should have realized that merely asking if someone is lying automatically begs the question. I apologize to tkchrist, should he pop in here, for sullying his name without merit (I would have e-mailed him but he lists no address).

Time to go have some interesting adventures.
posted by granted at 12:01 PM on March 17, 2007


Sorry, you're right, languagehat. And sorry to jessamyn, too. I believe the kernel of what I said, but I clothed it in an obnoxious and contentious way, and I apologize for that. I injected my views in here without expecting I'd get so wound up and rude about it, and I regret my rudeness. I'm sorry I was offensive.

And on preview, you're right, too, cortex. I didn't give jessamyn the benefit of the doubt, and I should have, particularly considering my gripe. I was using "sysop" to call attention to her "rank," but I got carried away and once my arguments started burrowing themselves into my brain, I had no choice but to side with Khan.

Mostly I was just projecting myself into this situation and reacting to a whole host of phantom considerations. That's crazy and a sign that I probably need something to eat. Sorry, everbody. I've been a jerk here. I'll try harder not to, next time.
posted by breezeway at 12:01 PM on March 17, 2007 [4 favorites]


It's about the favorites.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:04 PM on March 17, 2007


No need granted, it's obvious you weren't being malicious and curiosity ain't no sin. At the end of the day, short of the guy flashing a three source-confirmed CV, there's no way to really truly know if User X did such and such at so and so.

To paraphrase The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance:
"This is the internet, sir. When the legend becomes fact, post the legend."

Great, now I'm going to have that freaking song in my head all day. ♫Many a man would risk his life, and many a man would fallllll♫ But the man who shot! Liberty Valance! He shot! Liberty Valance! ♫He was the bravest of them allllllll!♫
Damn I hate that song! I take it back granted, you're a dick!

posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:09 PM on March 17, 2007


sorry to jessamyn, too

No problem. If I really were a sysop this whole place would be neon orange and it would play "hey ya" every time you loaded the page.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 12:21 PM on March 17, 2007 [13 favorites]


lame call-out

Sorry guys, I feel like a dick now.


Okay, so now that's all resolved. Who wants to turn this into a share your amazing stories thread?

I'd start, but that one about the time when I was six and went down a waterslide backwards and got water up my nose and sort of choked a bit just doesn't have the same dramatic pull...
posted by AV at 12:27 PM on March 17, 2007


He said he was a writer for Almost Live ? Oh, man, no one from Seattle in their right mind would ever cop to that if it were true. Talk about your badge of shame.

Or is that badge of lame ? God, did that show suck.
posted by y2karl at 12:37 PM on March 17, 2007


Thanks for the thread. Loved the stories.
posted by pointilist at 12:41 PM on March 17, 2007


I have known tkchrist for over 15 years, although I haven't seen him in person for ages and ages, like maybe a decade. So, a quick review:

1. TKC has told me outlandish tales of Vegas in the 1980s. Not that one in particular, but I will vouch for his visiting Sin City around that time.
2. TKC does know the karate.
3. TKC is married, and I attended his engagement party. I do not recall the tale as provided, but he has consistently featured his lovely and charming wife as the superior talent and intellect in their relationship as long as I have known him, and this tale supports that position.
4. See number 2.
5. TKC has told me crazy highschool nighttime driving stories.

None of the stories cited in the callout are specifically familiar to me. I can, however, confirm that TKC was a one-season writer (if I recall correctly) for the pre-John Keister Almost Live!, and I can further confirm that there is little that TKC relishes in life more than the chance to tell an outlandish-sounding tale to a rapt audience.

Todd, your honor is defended, mon ami.
posted by mwhybark at 12:43 PM on March 17, 2007


And oh yeah, I worked with TKC and his wife on a never-distributed multimedia project highlighting Seattle sites and attractions, circa 1996 or so, with a Bill Nye production veteran who I surmised that TKC knew via Almost Live, where Nye got his start.
posted by mwhybark at 12:51 PM on March 17, 2007


I once worked with TKC cleaning and polishing the spire atop the Empire State Building. I've heard all these stories, plus others, and I'm almost positive they're all true. Mofo's a wild man. And never tells a lie.

C'mon, who cares??? It's a website! Besides, they're hilarious.
posted by nevercalm at 1:00 PM on March 17, 2007


All of these stories could easily be true, but that's not what makes them entertaining, it's the description that he puts in there that makes them interesting.

I could easily have written his first story as:

Funny anecdote, I was in Vegas once and saw Lee Majors in the bathroom. Thing is, he was so drunk that when I when I stepped to the urinal next to him, he turned to talk to me and ended up peeing on my shoe. True story.

If I had written that, I'm betting that most people wouldn't doubt it was true. It's mundane and therefore believable. Or we can paraphrase his comment from the Magic Bus thread as such:

When I was younger my buddy had this really big old car, one night we were driving way too fast (I believe drinking was involved) and the car suddenly didn't want to slow down and some mechanical failure prevented it from stopping, a bunch of us ended up jumping out while the driver drove in circles till it ran out of gas. True story.

Again, this sounds, a bit stupid, but plausible. It's the fact that tkchrist can take a prosaic, everyday story like this and turn it into something so amazing that we questions it's truth, should be a high compliment to his writing skills.

I have no doubt that the events happened, I also have no doubt that he may have embellished minor points to make the story sound better. But then, that is what good writing is.
posted by quin at 1:20 PM on March 17, 2007 [3 favorites]


if you think tkchrist's stories are so outlandish as to be made-up, you can't have led a very interesting life.

No, it's not that. I don't believe some of the mundane things he's said either.

So what? If such stories and details did not exist, man would be compelled to invent them. And on the internet, no one knows you're a worm, dog, supermodel, or whatever.
posted by Listener at 2:29 PM on March 17, 2007


I once worked with TKC cleaning and polishing the spire atop the Empire State Building.

So he's been a prostitute in addition to everything else?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 2:55 PM on March 17, 2007


Taking the words from the horse's mouth out of context -
"People will spend much bigger bucks on myths and mystical bullshit. So that is what he gives them."

But really, I'm in the "plausible stories told in a delightful way A+++ would read again" camp.
posted by twoporedomain at 3:01 PM on March 17, 2007


Languagehat: "Jesus, breezeway, chill out. This isn't about you."

First they came for the taletellers, and I didn't speak up
for I wasn't a taleteller...
posted by Kattullus at 3:08 PM on March 17, 2007


I've never met tkchrist before, and I haven't thought much about whether his stories are true, but I'm willing to vouch for the truth of his stories if someone would find that helpful. Email's in the profile.
posted by Kwine at 4:02 PM on March 17, 2007


Lee Majors has a sock puppet ?
posted by y2karl at 4:12 PM on March 17, 2007


I'm just somewhat pissed (pun intended) that tk has so thoroughly trumped all of my own "brush with celebrity" stories collected over 40+ years living in L.A., including (but not limited to) "Robin Williams calling me by the name of a great, dead, gay tennis player" and "Casey Kasem yelling at me on live TV during a PBS fundraiser", both of which are also much more interesting when embellished with a sufficient amount of detail. Sigh.
posted by wendell at 4:16 PM on March 17, 2007


I love tk.
posted by vronsky at 4:59 PM on March 17, 2007


Some of us survived the Lawless 70's, in spite of ourselves. A very few of those survivors know how to tell a tale. If I could remember half of those years, and had a knack for spinning yarns, then I'd be making a few people wonder about veracity, too. But I think I'll leave all that to an obviously superior voice.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:04 PM on March 17, 2007


He's not trying to spin the stories off as fact really; he's just telling a story. Don't see any problem with that, personally.

I also really enjoyed reading them; thanks for posting the links.
posted by DMan at 5:15 PM on March 17, 2007


It is only not ok for TKC to post these outrageously funny stories which may not be true if it is not ok for me to retell them as though they had happened to me.
posted by baphomet at 5:31 PM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


"This one time, I was in a bathroom, and..."

I have a feeling that most of us would have a hard time doing justice to his stories, without reading off of a script :)
posted by DMan at 5:44 PM on March 17, 2007


Me, I'm mildly disappointed his name is Todd -- I had guessed for some reason that the tk in tkchrist stood for Team Killer, which is awesome, and by awesome, I mean hilarious. Team Killer Christ! "Hah, pwnt! Oh, oops..."

Ah well.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:28 PM on March 17, 2007


thanks for pointing these out -- good read. For what it's worth, I have no reason to doubt the veracity of any of these. Friends of mine have had similar adventures. Heck, I have similar tales.

There's a lot of life out there -- suck it up and maybe your grandkids will think twice about putting you in a home.
posted by fishfucker at 6:30 PM on March 17, 2007


These are great stories.
Honed stories.
It feels like the author has told them to a few friends several times over the years after a glass or two or a smoke or two or both. Over the time he has polished the tone and words that work best.
And now most of these stories are ripe for the picking.

Would buy the book.
posted by bru at 7:44 PM on March 17, 2007


I love tkchrist's stories, they make me laugh and are well written.

My father-in-law was a great story teller. He told the truth, I was there for some of them, so I can vouch for that, but the way he told them had people rolling on the floor.

Don't let this lame call out stop you tkchrist!
posted by JujuB at 8:06 PM on March 17, 2007


You know what they're saying about Sedaris these days.
posted by deern the headlice at 8:11 PM on March 17, 2007


A++++. Would read anecdotes again.
posted by miss lynnster at 8:30 PM on March 17, 2007


Y'know, I becoming concerned that all this hullabaloo might lead to something like... like... fatherhood for said raconteur.
posted by mwhybark at 8:43 PM on March 17, 2007


He can have my babies!
posted by five fresh fish at 9:14 PM on March 17, 2007


tkchrist had five fresh fish's babies?!
posted by cgc373 at 10:09 PM on March 17, 2007


As to embellishment, La Rochefoucuald wrote, We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. And I believe he wrote as well, If we did not flatter ourselves, we should receive very little flattery indeed. It seems to me that we have to lie so much to ourselves alone just to get through the day that no one ought to point a finger. Memory is hazy, cloudy, tricky at best while exaggeration and staircase wit come first and second nature in an unending stream. So, for the record, I have to vote with the They Are Good Stories Party here and are based on possibly enviable experiences.
posted by y2karl at 10:23 PM on March 17, 2007 [1 favorite]


Does it matter?
posted by Smedleyman at 11:01 PM on March 17, 2007


However the engine has gotten so overheated it's "dieseling."

This wouldn't result in a vehicle going 60mph, FYI.

Dieseling simply means the vehicle runs for a bit after the ignition is cut off. The throttle would still allow it to decelerate, even if the fuel pump were still going full blast, because the air supply would be cut by the butterfly valve in the carburetor controlled directly by the cable attached to the gas pedal (Still, love the guy's stories).
posted by IronLizard at 11:04 PM on March 17, 2007


One time in 2007. I was really bored. Like mega-bored. Not your average watching "American idol" boredom, but something more sinister, a boredom so intense it was almost a living presence in the room.

The boredom took hold of my spirit, seeped into my soul, and I gave into it. I felt my hands moving across the keyboard. I saw myself wikipedia-ing the northern terminus of the "arrow-straight" Pacific Coast highway,
just slightly south of the Canadian border, near Legget, CA
posted by drjimmy11 at 11:50 PM on March 17, 2007


ummm... you used the internet for data concluding the Canada and California share a border??
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:54 AM on March 18, 2007


oh duh. I'll try and keep up.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:58 AM on March 18, 2007


But then again, the 101 is known as the Pacific Highway in "parts of Washington." But those parts must be well before the Canadian border, since it dead-ends at the 5 in Olympia. Science!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 1:02 AM on March 18, 2007


There was a Pacific Highway or Pacific Coast Highway near the US/Canada border -- it's mentioned on this page. This would be old US 99, I think, as that was the Pacific Highway. Also, lots of old segments of former US 99 have names such as "Pacific Highway" or "Old Pacific Highway" now. I don't find it implausible that people would call one of the old highways near Blaine "Pacific Coast Highway".
posted by litlnemo at 3:56 AM on March 18, 2007


The whole time he staring at me imploring me with his one eye like - look don't fuck this gig up for me.

So I don't. I just sit there and smile and just enjoy the ride.

posted by languagehat at 6:50 AM on March 18, 2007 [1 favorite]


What stavros said.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:25 PM on March 18, 2007


Hey, thanks for point out those stories. I missed most of them first time around, and they were pretty fantastic.
posted by graventy at 12:49 PM on March 18, 2007


God, did that show suck.

And here I thought that you were a man of taste and discernment. Wow.

I spent most of a couple of hours yesterday watching old Billy Quan, Speedwalker and The Lame List skits on YouTube. The show still holds up. At its worst, it was still better than 90% of the crap that came out of SNL over the same time period.
posted by solid-one-love at 1:41 PM on March 18, 2007


Somehow, I only managed to catch one of those on the first time around. Thanks for the stories.
posted by duende at 5:01 PM on March 18, 2007


quin writes "It's the fact that tkchrist can take a prosaic, everyday story like this and turn it into something so amazing that we questions it's truth, should be a high compliment to his writing skills. "

I really think this is it. My dad is a fantastic storyteller and he does this same thing when telling a story in person. He loves to be the center of attention and always has something crazy going on, so he frequently finds himself in situations where crazy stories find him. I love TK's stories.
posted by peep at 6:55 PM on March 18, 2007


Knocking around in old threads while I should be doing a job, I found tkchrist saying he resents others for stealing his stuff, because it's stuff that happened to him, and it's his life he uses for these stories. I hope this goes some way toward making it clear that he's serious about the autobiographical pieces; it's clear to me he is.
posted by cgc373 at 12:08 AM on March 19, 2007


Dude, the friend I mentioned (in the same thread you just read) would get pissed when people told stories that he'd appropriated into his personal legend, even if they or (more often) pop culture was the ultimate source. Not sayin' that makes tk a liar, just that it's not the proof you were seeking.
posted by klangklangston at 12:37 AM on March 19, 2007


Yeah, klangklangston, it's not proof. We're not going to get proof. I just wanted to say, from my reading, tkchrist sounds earnest about using his life as material for these stories. Just sticking up for him, not trying to make a legal case.
posted by cgc373 at 12:43 AM on March 19, 2007


my two cents - I have a friend who didn't tell stories, but stories circulated about him. ....to the point where some random student at X highschool randomly told him one of his own stories. There are people who have much more interesting lives than you and me. sad but true.

that said, it doesn't mean that the story doesn't get better with each telling....... (wink etc).

i like the stories. 100% true or not.
posted by Tryptophan-5ht at 1:01 AM on March 19, 2007


HEEEEEY. Good lord go away for the weekend and look what happens! I was side barred?

I MISSED IT!

This make me so happy I can't stand it.

Am I "lying" - absolutely not. Am I exaggerating for dramatic effect. Absolutely. So what? I'm not sure why it should matter in the slightest.

For the life of me I am trying to figure out how to verify some of these stories. How do I do that?

I could track down people who were there - the Dux thing would be easy. I think I could get some verification on the Six Million Dollar Man Story since that one involves another story of the entire trip to Las Vegas.

But The Beast and Stunt Monkey? That would be hard. I don't know what happened to those guys. (If Todd Hamilton is out there... TODD? Verify this for me?)

There ARE people on this board who KNOW me. Not sure how may of these stories they could verify though.

What would you all like? What would satisfy your lie-detectors? And why would it matter.

This reminds of my wife. When we first starting going out I would tell her some stories of growing up with my dad. A former special forces guy. And what it was like growing up with this Great Zantini like figure. That we lived in Europe. In South America. That as a family we had some amazing adventures growing up.

Let's just say she was skeptical. But I am, if anything, lovable. So even believing I was some terrible liar she still married me. I figure that says SOMETHING about my adorable charachter.

So anyway. She gets to spend some Quality Time with the Christensen Clan one Christmas. (Yup. THAT is my name.) And between the arguments over the Battle of Hastings, if it was Kristen Scott Thomas or Emma Thompson in The English Patient, and weather or not Merv Griffith stared in Count Yorga The Vampire or not, family lore is suddenly verified.

My wife was stunned. All those stories I told her were TRUE. Here was my family arguing over the details of each myth.

Did my brother shit his pants AFTER we got over Pikes Peak and the air mattress he was laying on exploded in the back of the Tempest Station Wagon ...or was that BEFORE.

When my dad was hired to kill Castro as part of operation Sea Breeze did he come into our house in Panama in full camo?

Was I conceived during a Viet Cong rocket attack on the local movie theater OR was it a mortar?

When I accidentally got shot through the hand DID my dad yell at me about how in 'Nam they "were TRYING to kill him and - JESUS H CHRIST- he never got shot" in front of the ER nurse or not?

Then at my high school reunion she met many of my friends. And then some of those stories were verified.

You want a good marriage? A happy marriage? Keep your wife guessing a little.

This amuses me to no end. Thank you all.
posted by tkchrist at 10:22 AM on March 19, 2007 [2 favorites]


“And what it was like growing up with this Great Zantini like figure...”

‘uh, Santini?’
‘Forget it, he’s on a roll.’
posted by Smedleyman at 10:45 AM on March 19, 2007


Hey mwhybark we really need to get together soon.

BTW Here is my real life wife Wendy (you will have to trust that she typed this as she wont let me put her email on this site):

----
Yes, his stories are hard to believe but I have been able to verify many. I figure if the others are bullshit, they're still good stories.
-----

HEEEY! They are GOSPEL! ALL God damned GOSPEL TRUTH. And by Gospel I mean they take a little faith to believe. Like Tinker Bell.

A better question is WHY on this glorious forum do I tell mere stories. Because you are my prisoners in some threads. And I have a ready venue. Some threads are dull and need something to keep them going until somebody with real content can come back and get them going.

AND becuase most of you are very smart. Your understandable suspicion betrays your intelligence.

You guys have actually skills and knowledge.

ALL I have are experiences. Whether it is good luck or bad. It's all I have. And I want to contribute SOMETHING. I want to sit with the smart kids!

If you no longer want me to tell stories? That's okay. I will stop.
posted by tkchrist at 10:46 AM on March 19, 2007


That's okay. I will stop.

Don't you dare.
posted by quin at 10:56 AM on March 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


tkchrist, having read that I like you, I like your wife, and I like your stories even more. Another vote for not stopping.
posted by languagehat at 10:58 AM on March 19, 2007


I'm late to this roundup, but having lived a life with quite a few interesting stories, I tend to believe tkchrist. Does he tell his stories better than many might? Surely...and that's why we love him.
posted by dejah420 at 10:59 AM on March 19, 2007


cgc373 - I was sad about two of the stories that I thought got lifted - but in hindsight, and when I calmly dissect the medium, really were not. I was a bit upset not becuase they were simply autobiographical but becuase I had told them so many times - honing them - finding details I really liked - but I had never committed them to writing before. I was sad somebody had taken that part away - the risk of documenting the story. Now I realize it was because they LIKED them. And everything is cool now.
posted by tkchrist at 11:04 AM on March 19, 2007


What quin said. Dude, your stories fucking rock.
posted by notsnot at 11:11 AM on March 19, 2007


Okay. You all have inspired me.

I will now start a blog. You MUST promise to go there once I get these stories up there or what is the point?

I have been experimenting with WordPress for my labors of love Freelance clients (who have small budgets). I will convert it over to my personal use once my new business gets under way. ( my freelance site http://bareknuckledesign.com)

I may require help form a kindly Sysop (hint hint) and tech geek to figure out how organize them and all that.
posted by tkchrist at 11:11 AM on March 19, 2007 [2 favorites]


I want more stories - particularly any involving the Tempest station wagon.
posted by Liosliath at 11:29 AM on March 19, 2007


Sorry guys, I feel like a dick now.

PS. Granted:

It was only a matter of time. So don't you worry about it.

That. And. There is no such thing as bad PR.

Though if I run for president I may have to have many of you killed.
posted by tkchrist at 11:48 AM on March 19, 2007


Don't ever change, Boopsie.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:55 AM on March 19, 2007 [3 favorites]


Wow. I just got SHUT down by the hammer of SysOp Justice for trying to start another MeTa on something related to this topic. Who knew they are so ON it! That's okay.

I thought maybe people wouldn't want to wade through all these comments. My point in that was maybe we should start a Stories tab. Like when these thing crop up in the blue and people like them they can be moved/archived or copied to a new Stories tab?

Well. Maybe not. That might be too much mission-creep for MeFi.

All I can say is this: When Robocop is Bleeding, Astro-Zombie or, if the world has NO justice, ME, get a big book or screenplay deal then there may, or may not, be a special beach-front guest room with a champagne jacuzzi at our new Hollywood mansion with the words "Moderator Suite" on the door.
posted by tkchrist at 12:28 PM on March 19, 2007


The hammer is swift, sir.

And yeah, that seems awfully feature-creep as pony requests go—as I see it, comment fables and such work mostly because they are occasional delights, and not to be encouraged so much as accepted with happy serendipity when they happen to arise.

I really do hope you kick that blog off—that'd be a lot of fun on a rainy day.
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:35 PM on March 19, 2007


So you're a statistician! I knew it!

Anyway, your stories are brilliant and always welcome, and I can't help believing them at base despite any rational consideration that may have crossed my mind, they have that much force-- and they do not contradict themselves from post to post as far as I can tell. I would regret it very much if you were to mute them in any way, or shorten them, or post fewer. I want more.

Keep up the good work!
posted by jamjam at 12:35 PM on March 19, 2007


tkchrist: a garment costs a certain amount; a garment embellished with embroidery costs more because* it is more pleasing.
*note that I used the approved spelling "because" instead of your variation "becuase", or my usual mistyping "becasue".
posted by Cranberry at 12:40 PM on March 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


Here's what I said in the deleted thread (too lazy to update):

I dunno man, I mean "yes" to the stories idea, wholeheartedly, and a resounding "no" to the verification thing. Also, I would hope that, even were there a "stories" section, you and robo and others would continue to write your little gems right there in the blue... it is enormously satisfying to find one of these l'il nuggets in the midst of all the bloviating.

What I mean is, they're unexpected and (usually) sort of tangentially related to the subject at hand, as experienced in MetaFilter threads; but in a stories section, well, one would expect to find stories and nothing but.
posted by Mister_A at 12:45 PM on March 19, 2007


PS Cranberry your embroidery theory is completely insane.
posted by Mister_A at 12:47 PM on March 19, 2007


My belief has little or no bearing on whether or not you should keep telling stories.
posted by lekvar at 12:50 PM on March 19, 2007


Strictly speaking, all fiction is a lie, but we don't generally refer to writers of fiction as "liars". In real use, there's more to "lying" than deliberate utterance of falsehoods.

As far as I'm concerned, a "liar" is someone who intends to deceive. TKC is not a liar, TKC is a storyteller, someone who intends to entertain.

And there's nothing wrong with being a storyteller.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 12:53 PM on March 19, 2007


I think a stories tab would be a horrible idea. Why? Because most people suck at writing fiction, and such a tab would invariably filled with crap.

I ought to have a pretty good idea about this, I actually ran my own scoop site for fiction, called lit.hatori42.com. It existed for about a year it seems like. At first the content was great, but after a while it just got pretty bland. I think what happened is that people had pieces "saved up", pieces they were sitting on which they posted as soon as the site went live. People were always asking for a fiction section on k5, and they got one. But the stuff didn't seem all that great.

I could go for a Creative non-fiction story area though, but just "fiction" in general is such an open specification that you end up with all kinds of stuff that a lot of people will find boring (In my experience) with no way to sift through the rough to find the diamonds, the section ends up really disappointing. I suspect that the same pattern would apply here as well.
posted by delmoi at 1:15 PM on March 19, 2007


Having come from a long line of car salesmen, fiddlers and other people of ill repute, I say: Talk on tkchrist, talk on. The American Storyteller is a proud tradition, and veracity has no place in his repertoire.
posted by 1f2frfbf at 1:28 PM on March 19, 2007


the American Attention Whore is a proud tradition
posted by petsounds at 1:43 PM on March 19, 2007


I think a stories tab would be a horrible idea. Why? Because most people suck at writing fiction

Including, without exception, every MeFite who would contribute to such a thing and, with perhaps two exceptions, every MeFite who wouldn't.

We've already got a MeFi Music tab that makes it plain that Theodore Sturgeon was an optimist. One such artistic outlet is either enough or too many.
posted by solid-one-love at 1:43 PM on March 19, 2007


"Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow-truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes, and forgot." - Neil Gaiman, Sandman #19
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 2:09 PM on March 19, 2007


MetaFilter: Theodore Sturgeon was an optimist
posted by sveskemus at 2:25 PM on March 19, 2007


For what it's worth, I didn't think that tkchrist was telling a true story, but I also didn't care. Some things you read, and you just let them persist in your mind because you'd like to think they're true.

For example, I want to believe that It's Raining Florence Henderson was actually quoting a single frame of Doonesbury that is about four decades old. And if that's not what he/she was doing, it may be better if I don't know.
posted by bingo at 3:22 PM on March 19, 2007



the American Attention Whore is a proud tradition


As is every other kind of American Whore.

Though if I interpret your intent correctly it is why I avoided the blog thing entirely for so long. I just couldn't fathom anybody not sitting across from me with a beer in hand would care about my dumb stories. This MeTa thread is sweet vindication that maybe I do have a couple of good tales in me.

Or. Evidence of how hollow and empty your lives are.

I like to believe the former.
posted by tkchrist at 3:44 PM on March 19, 2007


tkchrist, I KNEW you were outta town. I thought about calling you when I realized that if you hadn't weighed in you must be off in the yonder parts.

Anyway.

Email me. mike at whybark dot com, duh. We haven't seen each other in so long you've missed my haircut completely!
posted by mwhybark at 3:46 PM on March 19, 2007


petsounds's (wow! that looks like ass but it's policy) l'il potshot is evidence of how cool he is; way too cool to like anything on a stupid blog like this. Rock on petsounds!

And on the real tip, keep coming with the stories tkchrist and you others; don't let this thread give you some kinda weird performance anxiety. Pretend it never happened...
posted by Mister_A at 3:50 PM on March 19, 2007


Solid-one-love writes: We've already got a MeFi Music tab that makes it plain that Theodore Sturgeon was an optimist.

We love you too, solid-one-love.

Although one wonders, with a comment like that, if you shouldn't change your username to solid-one-hate...
posted by flapjax at midnite at 7:23 PM on March 19, 2007


If you no longer want me to tell stories?

Yeah, because that's totally the impression one gets from this MeTa.

That's okay. I will stop.

NONONONO! Puh-leeze - oh, on preview, quin beat me to the completely needless imploratory ego stroking.

[NOT GONZOAUTOBIOGRAPHYIST]
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 7:52 PM on March 19, 2007


tk isnt lying, you just don't have any imagination.
posted by sgt.serenity at 8:07 PM on March 19, 2007


Although one wonders, with a comment like that, if you shouldn't change your username to solid-one-hate

You change yours to 'tone deaf at midnight' and I'll consider it.
posted by solid-one-love at 8:17 PM on March 19, 2007 [1 favorite]


You change yours to 'tone deaf at midnight' and I'll consider it.

You cut me. You cut me real deep.

Perhaps a career in the exciting field of music criticism is something you should look into!
posted by flapjax at midnite at 8:28 PM on March 19, 2007


Or in the field of simply not being a jabbing, unfriendly jerk. Too much to ask, perhaps, but adult education has changed people's lives.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:45 PM on March 19, 2007


Thanks for the reminder to check out MeMu, s-o-l!

Hey, Cautionary Example of The Perils of Not Really Having Anything To Contribute is a field, jerks!

At least that's what I tell myself.

posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:02 PM on March 19, 2007


oh, on preview, quin beat me to the completely needless imploratory ego stroking.

Sometimes people need to have their egos stroked. For instance, coming back to mefi to discover a fairly long thread where many have questioned your integrity might leave you a bit hostile.

And sometimes it feels good just to let our compatriots know that we respect them.

You for an example are a fantastic dresser. And a great dancer. And, though I have no first hand knowledge of this, I'm told you can hang upside down for remarkable lengths of time before you pass out. That's something to be proud of.

See doesn't that make you feel better about the world?
posted by quin at 9:32 PM on March 19, 2007


It's all good people. Three days and 150 comments... and honestly? I don't think it matters if what tk says is true or not. What matters is that people care to write and discuss this much with eachother.

That alone tells me that that the man's stories have obviously added something interesting to Mefi. Y'know?
posted by miss lynnster at 9:47 PM on March 19, 2007


That sounds like moral relativism to me, you communist!
posted by nanojath at 10:09 PM on March 19, 2007


(Ironically, this thread would probably still be on the front page if not for tk's rambling and rapidly closed "confession" posting earlier today.)
posted by nanojath at 10:22 PM on March 19, 2007


I feel like crying.
posted by frecklefaerie at 11:13 PM on March 19, 2007


I feel like crying.

Just go ahead and let it out.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 11:21 PM on March 19, 2007


I feel like crying.

Someday cortex is gonna harden some peeves and get all terse, and then we'll need a new moderanator to love.
posted by carsonb at 11:25 PM on March 19, 2007


Heh. Two comments a day apart in this thread and neither on topic. I'm only here 'cause tkchrist's waxy balls of yarn get my love all day long time.
posted by carsonb at 11:27 PM on March 19, 2007


Thank you tk for being so classy where others would have (justifiably) offered to cut off their right hand, or mine, in pursuit of the restoration of their integrity or whatever.

I really didn't intend this as a "callout," more like a "OK, is he being completely sincere, or is he maybe some kind of performance artist and everyone's in on it except me?" I want to reiterate what I said at the beginning, which is that I love your stories, and in no way intended this as a backhanded way of shutting you up. "Lying" was a really, really terrible word-choice, needlessly loaded and even hostile. Again - I apologize.

Sooooo...carry on, and long live The Stunt Monkey.
posted by granted at 11:33 PM on March 19, 2007


We've already got a MeFi Music tab that makes it plain that Theodore Sturgeon was an optimist.

You change yours to 'tone deaf at midnight' and I'll consider it.


It's hard, trying to refrain from lashing out against you after that, solid-one-love. But perhaps you are right and we MefiMusicians just don't have enough talent, because I can't think of something worse to say about you than what you've already said about yourself.
posted by micayetoca at 4:26 AM on March 20, 2007


It's hard, trying to refrain from lashing out against you after that, solid-one-love.

no, not really ... i may be argumentative at times about other things, but i think an artist is a fool to defend his work against nay-sayers ... there's no way to do it that doesn't make one look insecure

let the work speak for itself ... let the fact that we actually have work and solid-one-love hasn't presented any speak for itself too

he can say anything he wants about my music ... he can't make me take it seriously ... i'm still going to do what i want
posted by pyramid termite at 5:07 AM on March 20, 2007


tk why don you get together with interrobang - a book of illustrated short stories - one pagers and all that ?
posted by sgt.serenity at 5:29 AM on March 20, 2007


When I accidentally got shot through the hand DID my dad yell at me about how in 'Nam they "were TRYING to kill him and - JESUS H CHRIST- he never got shot" in front of the ER nurse or not?

That's fucking hilarious.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:06 AM on March 20, 2007


tk why don you get together with interrobang - a book of illustrated short stories - one pagers and all that ?

Ooh. Hmm.
posted by cortex (staff) at 6:59 AM on March 20, 2007


I'm certainly late to this, but if tkchrist was two decades younger, this conversation could have been about Mr. lilithim and fambly.

His favorite story is about the time his parents marooned his 14 year old self on a South Pacific island with the natives for three weeks. For the longest time, I didn't believe it... and then I met his folks and they told even crazier stories, about driving back from Vegas to LA in a van with a 20 gallon tank and finally filling it up with 39 gallons of gas. (The magical extra tank that no one ever knew about.)

The point of this is: I may have just had a glimpse of the future and it looks something like tkchrist.
posted by lilithim at 8:56 AM on March 20, 2007


Sorry quin, I didn't mean to come across quite so brusquely there, it just seemed off that in a MeTa so overwhelmingly positive - granted clearly said he liked the tales and was just wondering how true they were, which tkchrist agreed was a natural reaction, and any negativity in this thread was generated by people defending the guy's MetaTegrity a little too vehemently - that the "I'll stop" comment felt like a non sequitur, like a kid standing up at a Little League Awards banquet and threatening to take his ball and go home.

And god bless you for a whole-cloth liar, btw :)
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 9:11 AM on March 20, 2007


tk why don you get together with interrobang - a book of illustrated short stories - one pagers and all that ?

This is a brilliant idea.

Though I'm not sure I am up to his level of quality. He also appears to have integrity. And he may not enjoy the calls at 3am "talking me down from the NyQuill deleriums" and the visits from the Secret Service.

Maybe if he develops a good drinking problem, then quits, and THEN begins illustrating while suffering the hand shaking DT's PLUS keeping one eye closed—we could reach a compatible level of quality.

There is also the issue that drawing is actual work. While prattling at length about blowing up a stuffed monkey is something nearly every nut can do.

Interro?
posted by tkchrist at 9:42 AM on March 20, 2007


What if you had mefites submit drawings? Or apply to do one. Or something.
posted by Brainy at 12:11 PM on March 20, 2007


I would publish that book in a heartbeat. (No, seriously. I started up my own publishing house last year). I'm holding an ISBN open for you, tkchrist...
posted by bitter-girl.com at 12:34 PM on March 20, 2007


I never lie Alvy A, I merely present the evidence from my perspective. If you could see the way I dress and god forbid, dance, you would know that I can, in all honesty, say that you are great at both. Simply by virtue of comparison to me.

And bitter-girl.com, if you can convince them, I'll buy a copy.
posted by quin at 1:21 PM on March 20, 2007


I'm holding an ISBN open for you, tkchrist...

Even if I knew what that was I couldn't be any more excited!

Okay what do I do?
posted by tkchrist at 2:12 PM on March 20, 2007


Your book could be a collection of MeFi comments. Time and date stamped, the ramblings of tkchrist.
posted by lilithim at 4:38 PM on March 20, 2007


lilithim -- ha!

tkchrist, you can email me via my personal website (it's in my profile -- myfirstname@domain.com)

crazier things have sold, that's all I'm saying...

now, all we need is a volunteer team of MeFites or supercodemonkeywranglers to find and concatenate into a file The Collected Stories and Amusing Comments of...
posted by bitter-girl.com at 2:15 PM on March 21, 2007


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