ComicGeekChatfilter

April 10, 2007 11:42 AM

ComicGeekChatfilter
posted by Doohickie to etiquette/policy at 11:42 AM (94 comments total)

Violates AskMe chatfilter rules:

"Open-ended unanswerable hypothetical questions like "What if Hitler had never been born?" or made up "what if" science questions."

"...if your motivation for asking the question is 'I would like to participate in a discussion about X,' then you shouldn't be doing it in AskMe."
posted by Doohickie at 11:44 AM on April 10, 2007

Indeed.
posted by Kwine at 11:46 AM on April 10, 2007

Burn them
posted by poppo at 11:46 AM on April 10, 2007

Don't you people ever get bored of playing cop?
posted by Roach at 11:46 AM on April 10, 2007 [6 favorites]

Can't we have an internet without geeks?
posted by found missing at 11:48 AM on April 10, 2007

Wouldn't flagging or sending an email have done the same? Sheesh.
posted by MeetMegan at 11:48 AM on April 10, 2007

Everybody calm down and ask yourselves what Jack Kirby would say about all this.
posted by Faint of Butt at 11:50 AM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Just to defend the question, I don't think that it fails review based on the above criterion. I did mention that I was looking for specific examples from the comics/movies, which is not open-ended. I did want to start an open-ended discussion, but rather look for specific examples of how a person could achieve the Batman's athleticism.
posted by eswusp86 at 11:52 AM on April 10, 2007

Kirby's dead. and he worked for Marvel.
posted by ardgedee at 11:53 AM on April 10, 2007

Has anyone answered "Pumping iron Robin" yet?

OK, then.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:54 AM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

He should have said he was planning to do something illegal, like the one where the guy wanted to know how to speed without getting caught or the woman was conspiring to break anti-discrimination housing laws.
posted by DU at 11:56 AM on April 10, 2007

I guess this is as good a place for this as any, then. Who would win in a fight: Yoda or the Incredible Hulk? I was thinking on Dagobah, if that matters, but I'm open to other locations.
posted by Gamblor at 11:56 AM on April 10, 2007

Don't you people ever get bored of playing cop?

Should we?
posted by dersins at 11:57 AM on April 10, 2007

Basing your answer in the comic books/graphic novels/movies/animated series.

Keeping your answers specific and based in reality. My friend and I might adapt your answers into a real-life summer workout. I'm serious.

I don't think this violates either of those rules. The premise may seem hypothetical, but isn't really, if answers are based on cannon as requested. And the motivation is not "Let's chat," it's more "Help me design a cool workout based on leet comix arcania." I guess.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:57 AM on April 10, 2007

I agree with Roach. Try clicking that little ! sometime instead of posting to meta, you'll like it better. However...

"Open-ended unanswerable hypothetical questions like "What if Hitler had never been born?" or made up "what if" science questions."

I suggest that this is not parallel. The Hitler question posits something not happening and speculating what would have resulted. The possibilities are endless.

The Batman question, on the other hand, names a result - a preternaturally fit individual with specific gymnastic & combat capabilities - and questions how such a person would reach that goal.

So, I suggest that it's valid. I similarly think there'd be a difference between "What if ice didn't float?" and "Is there a composition/dissolved minerals of water that would non-floating ice?"
posted by phearlez at 11:58 AM on April 10, 2007

eswusp86- A decent response. I assumed you kind of saw it that way. Yet.... to me it's still chatfilter along the lines of "what if Hitler had never been born?" I really didn't want to derail your thread, though, so rather than snark there, I opened a MeTa which is, I believe, the correct forum to discuss something like this.
posted by Doohickie at 11:59 AM on April 10, 2007

CHATTY POSTS, MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU FLAG THEM?

Also, I say we give this one a pass for:

1. Basing your answer in the comic books/graphic novels/movies/animated series. You could even reference specific training Christian Bale went through to get in shape for 'Batman Begins' (I haven't been able to find this information, though).

posted by boo_radley at 12:01 PM on April 10, 2007

Speaking of Chatfilter:

What are your New Years Resolutions this year?[this is it; no more inside]
posted by Doohickie on Dec-16-04 at 3:06 PM
posted by Roach at 12:02 PM on April 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

Yes, Roach, let's completely disregard someone's current beliefs and rely on their past behavior (3 years ago? you've got to be kidding) as an indicator of present worth.
posted by muddgirl at 12:07 PM on April 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

Well muddgirl, it just seems to be such a wasted callout. Especially because the OP was looking for specific information, which he then intended to possibly utilize in his own workout routine. Let he who has not sinned blah blah blah.

BTW, my mother's maiden name is Mudd.
posted by Roach at 12:14 PM on April 10, 2007

You only wish you could hang with Batman's workout regimen.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:18 PM on April 10, 2007

The question is fine. There's no "What if...?" aspect to it. It's more like "How could I develop physical attributes similar to this fictional character?"
posted by Gamblor at 12:18 PM on April 10, 2007

Haha! It is an hypothetical, bitches!

The OP of the AskMe forgot one critical phrase: "I am writing a book about..."

Or is that a clause?
posted by Mister_A at 12:19 PM on April 10, 2007

What would Jesus' daily workout be like? How the heck did he achieve that sixpack you see when he is hanging on the cross?
posted by found missing at 12:20 PM on April 10, 2007

Walking on water is harder than it looks.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:21 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Okay, then.... I give.

Time for a pile-on. I deserve it.
posted by Doohickie at 12:21 PM on April 10, 2007

What would Jesus' daily workout be like?

Here you go:

"Each of His workouts, Christ said, starts with an hour of cardio, after which He focuses on two muscle groups, replacing conventional free weights with the Rod of Iron with which He intends to rule all nations."
posted by Gamblor at 12:24 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

When my wife and I roleplay, she lets me be Robin. It feels good.
posted by The Behatted Wild Man of Greenfield at 12:24 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Don't you think Batman would have some cool automated device* that would work out for him? Isn't that the magic of Batman?

*Device may not actually be cool
posted by Mister_A at 12:27 PM on April 10, 2007

What would Jesus' daily workout be like?

'Casting out demons' is an ancient Aramaic catchphrase for Pilates.
posted by CKmtl at 12:31 PM on April 10, 2007

I was there when Pilates washed his hands, and sealed his fat.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:32 PM on April 10, 2007 [7 favorites]

eswusp86, through either careful study or blind luck, managed to tightwalk right down a weird line of permissiveness, there. My finger wavered, and my love of Batman stayed it, to be nuked by Jess or Matt should either of them feel more strongly.
posted by cortex at 12:34 PM on April 10, 2007

I liked it okay, actually.
posted by jessamyn at 12:36 PM on April 10, 2007

I liked it okay, actually.

If I had a nickel for everytime I'd heard that...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 12:38 PM on April 10, 2007

Flo, you magnificent bas-tard.
posted by Mister_A at 12:41 PM on April 10, 2007

"I was there when Pilates washed his hands, and sealed his fat."

If only you could've worked Erik Estrada in there:

"Ponch's Pilates".

*sigh*
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:42 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

And, how come no one names their kid "Pontius" anymore?
posted by found missing at 12:46 PM on April 10, 2007

Only interesting AskMe question I've seen in days.
posted by The God Complex at 1:00 PM on April 10, 2007

I suggest that this is not parallel. ... The Batman question ... names a result - a preternaturally fit individual with specific gymnastic & combat capabilities - and questions how such a person would reach that goal.

I concur and do not think it violates the guidelines.

Moreover, aren't we all getting a little tired of the "it doesn't meet the guidelines game?"
posted by frogan at 1:00 PM on April 10, 2007

US???? TIRE OF POINTLESSLY CALLING OUT POSTS WITH NOTHING WRONG WHATSOEVER?? WHAT ARE YOU MAD??
posted by wheelieman at 1:14 PM on April 10, 2007

Jack Kirby did work for DC, and he will live forever in our hearts.
posted by Faint of Butt at 1:33 PM on April 10, 2007

I can't decide which is sadder - debating how a cartoon character keeps in shape, or whether or not said debate meets the standards of askme.

Go outside, people. It's a beautiful day!
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 1:34 PM on April 10, 2007

Roach writes "Don't you people ever get bored of playing cop?"

Yeah, but there's a lot of us, so we kinda take shifts. For example, I'll be bored of it from Monday to Wednesday, but Doohickie covers for me, and I take over his weekends.
posted by Bugbread at 1:43 PM on April 10, 2007

Certainly I don't wish to disparage anybody called M.C. Lo-Carb!, but I hate it outside. I want to read people talking about comic book calisthenics far more than I wish to engage in any sort of aerobic activity, and I'm glad IRFH is here to bring the metaphysical water-walking workout I've been looking for. My word, do I ever love it in here, where there's no out there at all!
posted by cgc373 at 1:44 PM on April 10, 2007

It's a fine question. The poster is asking two things:

First, he wants to know how Batman actually worked out in the comics, etc. This isn't a hypothetical question, because any answer will be correct or incorrect depending on whether Batman was actually depicted engaging in such activity in the comics, movies, and so on.

Second, he wants to know how one might work out to achieve a level of athleticism comparable to Batman's. This also isn't a hypothetical question, because Batman's athleticism can be ascertained with some certainty by consulting the comics and movies.
posted by Mr. President Dr. Steve Elvis America at 1:49 PM on April 10, 2007

Yeah, but there's a lot of us, so we kinda take shifts. For example, I'll be bored of it from Monday to Wednesday, but Doohickie covers for me, and I take over his weekends.

Oh... umm... about that- I *did* mention my doctor's appointment tomorrow, didn't I, bugbread? I thought you were going to cover for me....
posted by Doohickie at 2:13 PM on April 10, 2007

I figured it would be deleted. Don't care if it isn't. There are better places to chat then here regardless.
posted by smackfu at 2:50 PM on April 10, 2007

Wasn't there a similar question about how Batman trained? That didn't get deleted as far as I could tell.
posted by divabat at 3:11 PM on April 10, 2007

In all these discussions nobody cares how Batman got his physique for the classic TV series! Why?
posted by ardgedee at 3:31 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

In all these discussions nobody cares how Batman got his physique for the classic TV series! Why?

It was a man-corset.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:36 PM on April 10, 2007

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

This question originally stems from a debate with a friend in the semenary, but has since become a miniature (He he he) project. I thought I'd consult AskMeFi.

What exercise/diet regiment might the host of heavenly angels employ to achieve that old time religious boogey woogey (or modern interpretive dance or anything else you think will stand out.) You can be as creative as possible and focus on whatever dance(s) and order of angels (seraphim, cherabim--be creative!) you deem most important.

Bonus points for:
1. Basing your answer on the Holy Writ. You could even reference Yaweh's fave dance craze. (I haven't been able to find this information, though).
2. Keeping your answers specific and based in reality. My friend and I might adapt your answers into a real-life celestial sock hop. I'm serious.
posted by leftcoastbob at 4:17 PM on April 10, 2007

The question was stupid and unrealistic. Very few people could ever attain the transcendently masculine build of an Adam West or a Michael Keaton.
posted by dgaicun at 4:21 PM on April 10, 2007

leftcoastbob: In a card game, can God beat the Ace of trumps with an ordinary deuce card?
posted by Burhanistan at 4:22 PM on April 10, 2007

Ha, or what ardgedee said!
posted by dgaicun at 4:23 PM on April 10, 2007

Can God make a rock so heavy that even he would be like "fuck that shit dude, we'll just work around it."?
posted by Divine_Wino at 4:25 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Further: can God beat Batman?
posted by cortex at 4:27 PM on April 10, 2007

Christian Bale gained something like 100 lbs of muscle in 6 months for Batman Begins after transforming himself into a repulsive skeleton for his role in The Machinist. Check it out - unbelievable! He barely had the energy to walk after that role. This has to be a world record of some sort, and seems to be more impressive than even what the Bruce Wayne comic book character did.

So what people should really explain is the Bale/Batman workout.
posted by dgaicun at 4:35 PM on April 10, 2007

can God beat Batman

God's Holy Utility Belt is fractal.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:37 PM on April 10, 2007

Holy Holocaust survivor, Batman! I didn't know that about Bale.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:37 PM on April 10, 2007

Sgt. Rock and the Power of Positive Thinking

What keeps the combat-happy joes of Easy Company so combat-happy?

This question originally stems from a debate with an Army recruiter, but has since become a miniature project. I thought I'd consult AskMeFi.

What motivational techniques/esprit de corps-building exercises might Sgt. Rock employ to keep Easy Company so combat-happy? You can be as creative as possible and focus on whatever aspect(s) you deem most important.

Bonus points for:

1. Basing your answer on the comic books/graphic novels. You could even reference specific training Joe Kubert underwent before being shipped all over tarnation to engage in happy combat with the enemy (I haven't been able to find this information, though).

2. Keeping your answers specific and based in reality. My friend and I might adapt your answers into a real-life training camp for combat-neutral or combat-sad joes. I'm serious.

3. Any mention of Gravedigger or Little Sure Shot's possible racial motivations for combat-happiness.
posted by breezeway at 4:46 PM on April 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

This question originally stems from something I heard as a child, but has since made a home in my brain. I thought I’d waste your time with it.

What volume/amount of wood could a woodchuck chuck? Is woodchuckers right to chuck wood good, or should wood chucking woodchuckers be limited to certain areas (this could be a woodchuckers hood) You can be creative as possible and focus on whatever aspect(s) you deem most insightful.

Bonus points for
1. Basing your answer on other nonsensical rhymes, such as what types of food mares, does, little lambs and kids consume, the probable location of precipitation on the Iberian peninsula, or the colour of peppers that Peter collected.
2. Keeping your answers specific and based in reality. This little ditty has been going around in my brain for some time, and right now I just need an answer.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 5:59 PM on April 10, 2007

Here's a good AskMe:

I am writing a book about getting all y'all's bank account info. Please post your bank account info as an example. TIA.
posted by Mister_A at 6:02 PM on April 10, 2007 [2 favorites]

Wasn't there a self-linker a few months ago who also had a website in his profile that was some bizarre superhero workout scheme?
posted by hydrophonic at 6:02 PM on April 10, 2007

The real question is "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?" There's a whole aspect of feasibility in the second part of the question.
posted by Burhanistan at 6:03 PM on April 10, 2007

Burhanistan, you are right, you caught me out - I was trying to let the important fact that Woodchuckers can't chuck wood (and are more than likely fictional beings anyway) slip everyone by.

Because if people realised that woodchuckers can not, indeed, chuck wood - the whole question becomes purely hypothetical, open-ended and unanswerable.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 6:11 PM on April 10, 2007

You could even reference specific training Joe Kubert underwent before being shipped all over tarnation to engage in happy combat with the enemy (I haven't been able to find this information, though).

Kubert never engaged with anything more threatening than a deadline. He actually got his break in comics (as I understand it) when he was asked to stand in for an artist who had been shipped off to fight in WWII.

/nerd
posted by lekvar at 6:16 PM on April 10, 2007

Yeah, nerd, I just couldn't figure out a way to name-drop Kubert and preserve a parallel with the original post's structure, so I figured the parenthetical bit would give the fiction wiggle-room.

Ever read Kubert/Infantino's "Jesse James" series? They're ridiculous history, but fun nonetheless (or maybe because of it).

Dear AskMe: What's the connection between comics legend Joe Kubert and the video game Q*bert?

/dork
posted by breezeway at 6:25 PM on April 10, 2007

It turns out though that Woodchucks are Groundhogs and the entymology if from the Algonquian name wuchak and nothing to do with wood at all.

What a world.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 6:29 PM on April 10, 2007

speaking of chatfilter: netflix just sent me Once Upon A Time in America, Das Boot, and Altered States. I have seen none of them before, love Leone, love Paddy Chayefsky and am trying to ignore Troy and the Poseidon remake in order to say that I love Wolfgang Petersen. I am not positive that I have the werewithal at this moment to give Once Upon A Time in America the hours and attention it deserves, but both Altered States and Das Boot are worthy of my fullest attention as well. Which one do I watch first? Please be aware that time is not much of a concern as I intend to leave all of them illegally copying on my computer while I am at H&R Block tomorrow lying to my tax preparer. I would watch something else right now instead of these movies, but the only other thing I feel like watching is the American Office series, which is still downloading via bittorrent and so is not yet available to me. Thanks in advance.
posted by shmegegge at 6:34 PM on April 10, 2007

See Das Boot. It'll blow your mind. One of the best war movies ever. And Lothar-Gunther Buchheim, the guy who wrote the book it's (closely) based on, just died a few weeks ago. Hopefully you have the newer three-hour version; it's just awesome. Immersive (heh).

And when you see the huge blowout party scenes, you might think, as I do, Wouldn't it be cool if we had a meetup like this, but without the Swastikas?
posted by breezeway at 6:40 PM on April 10, 2007

Why Did I Capitalize Swastikas?
posted by breezeway at 6:43 PM on April 10, 2007

hydrophonic: Wasn't there a self-linker a few months ago who also had a website in his profile that was some bizarre superhero workout scheme?

You're thinking of dropkick/rinkjustice/raydexter. All three names banned now. Guy was a nut and a real twat.
posted by puke & cry at 6:48 PM on April 10, 2007

It turns out though that Woodchucks are Groundhogs...

Fine then.

How much ground round could a hound-dog hog if a groundhog was ground round?
posted by lekvar at 6:52 PM on April 10, 2007

A hound-dog could hog as much round as a clown'd hog if a groundhog was ground round.
posted by breezeway at 6:59 PM on April 10, 2007 [1 favorite]

Christian Bale gained something like 100 lbs of muscle in 6 months for Batman Begins after transforming himself into a repulsive skeleton for his role in The Machinist. Check it out - unbelievable!

Fuuuuuuuuuuck!
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 7:45 PM on April 10, 2007

"but rather look for specific examples of how a person could achieve the Batman's athleticism."

Be imaginary. It also helps with the incredible riches, the amazing credulity of everyone you deal with, and constructing a Batcave under your ancestral home.
posted by klangklangston at 7:54 PM on April 10, 2007

Would it help if it was Bizarro Batman? What about Zombie Batman?
posted by blue_beetle at 8:12 PM on April 10, 2007

Obviously Batman must work out. However, what about Superman? Is he just one of those guys with an awesome physique who never needs to do anything to keep it up?
posted by caddis at 9:28 PM on April 10, 2007

caddis writes "However, what about Superman? "

There's a late 50s-early 60s comic reprinted in Showcase Presents: Superman where he is shown fighting a robot that he keeps in the Fortress of Solitude.
posted by concrete at 10:26 PM on April 10, 2007

Superman's ancestors evolved giant muscles to deal with Krypton's unusually high gravity.

WHY WHY DO I KNOW THIS OH GOD WHY
posted by booksandlibretti at 10:29 PM on April 10, 2007

"can God beat Batman?"

God would win the first round, batman would win every round after that.
posted by dazed_one at 10:54 PM on April 10, 2007 [3 favorites]

"can God beat Batman?"

Batman would soften up God by sending his homies Thor, Zeus and Quetzalcoatl out first, because they all have a score to settle with the Big Guy.

And once God was tired, Batman would fuck Him up with Satan's pitchfork, on which Batman spent billions of dollars making an exact duplicate.

And just before Batman is about to skewer the Almighty, he'd say:

"I want you to remember, Yahweh ... in all the years to come ... in your most private moments ... I want you to remember my hand at your throat ... I want you to remember the one man who beat you."

You know the rest.
posted by frogan at 11:03 PM on April 10, 2007

can God beat Batman?

If Batman knew when God was coming and had time to prepare, no.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 5:17 AM on April 11, 2007

Also, technically Batman has beaten a god, if Darkseid counts. Yes, I am a dork.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 5:18 AM on April 11, 2007

In all these discussions nobody cares how Batman got his physique for the wretched, god-awful TV series that we'll never live down in a thousand years! Why?

Fixed that for you.
posted by EatTheWeak at 8:31 AM on April 11, 2007

let me be abundantly clear about something:

if you don't like the 60's batman tv show, it's because you either a) don't realize it's an intentional joke and therefore hilarious or b) have no ear for parody and satire.

that show is brilliant, and the original movie even more so.
posted by shmegegge at 9:37 AM on April 11, 2007

Yea, with the anti-shark spray; hoo-ha, don't watch this one stoned; it's unnecessary.
posted by Mister_A at 9:46 AM on April 11, 2007

shmegegge - Oh, sure, sure, it was a delightful bit of camp. I do smile when recalling that bit from the movie where they can't get rid of the bomb.

Here's my problem with the 60's show, expressed much less snarkily. The trouble with the sixties show is that it remains the a major touchstone for comics among the Normals. So when there's a write-up in popular media regarding comics, the opening paragraph contains the words "POW BIFF ZOT!" We comics readers, who have been hooked for life by the mythic rumble that only comics can deliver, are REALLY REALLY REALLY sick of this show because of how it STILL taints the popular perception of our favorite story-telling form.

While you certainly can't call the bulk of the comics published in the US "mature", they sure aren't written for kids anymore. But because, in part, of that stupid damned Batman show, comics won't ever shake the "kids stuff" perception all the way. Misguided fanboys will continue to apologize for their comics by calling them "graphic novels" or "sequential art" (blech). And AskMe threads wherein Batman is inquired about will continue to require a thread in the grey to justify their existence.

*looks for Bat-bile reducer pills*
posted by EatTheWeak at 10:15 AM on April 11, 2007

EatTheWeak:

As a comic fan, I can completely sympathize, but would ask you to consider this:

Didn't the tv show only do that stuff because those were already the recognized conventions of the comic book form? People laughed when they saw that in the show because they had already recognized for themselves the peculiarity of those sound effects. For a lot of people, I think that those sound effects, when recalled as a reference to Batman, are fondly remembered even though campy. Batman made an industry that seemed to be kids stuff at least have the maturity to self-reflect with a sense of humor. To my mind the tv show wasn't an outside perspective making fun of the comics, but insiders having fun with what they loved.

Either way, the form already had a stigma for using those POW! and ZOK! style exortations in the books themselves. They worked as a gimmick in the tv show because they were recognizable for what they were.
posted by shmegegge at 11:45 AM on April 11, 2007

shmegegge - Yeah, that's fair. There certainly wouldn't be any satire without something there to work with. My current favorite language disaster from an old comic is the original explanation given for Iron Fist's power. How his hand would be "LIKE A THING UNTO IRON!!" Awesome.
posted by EatTheWeak at 12:18 PM on April 11, 2007

Last post!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:19 AM on April 14, 2007

You wish.
posted by cortex at 10:24 AM on April 14, 2007

that was fast
posted by caddis at 10:27 AM on April 14, 2007

NOT FAST ENOUGH!
posted by shmegegge at 11:03 AM on April 14, 2007