endless whining spoilers

May 14, 2007 12:56 PM

Apparently it's time for our semi-annual argument over what constitutes a spoiler and when - if ever - they are acceptable. Personally I don't give a crap but if you really need to have this argument yet again, how about you do it here instead of crapping all over the question?
posted by phearlez to etiquette/policy at 12:56 PM (143 comments total)

I've more-insided the spoilery bits of the question, with warning, which should remove the main objection in the thread in question.
posted by cortex at 1:00 PM on May 14, 2007

In case you're afraid to follow the link lest something be spoiled for you - the question asks, above the fold, what movie follows a specific storyline and provides a one sentence description. Someone within the thread names the movie.
posted by phearlez at 1:01 PM on May 14, 2007

Well, that's a tough one. "What's the name of this movie and the only thing I remember is the ending?" It's a Catch-22, because if you don't recognize the movie, you don't want to see the description, but you can't tell that without reading it.
posted by smackfu at 1:07 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

Now there's not enough information in the question to even decide whether or not it's something you've already seen and can be spoiled. Oh well, it's been answered.
posted by yeti at 1:12 PM on May 14, 2007

Yeah, that's kind of tough. Any possibility of editing the question to include the name of the movie, now that it's been found?
posted by roll truck roll at 1:14 PM on May 14, 2007

Well, that's a tough one.

I don't see the problem here. When asking these types of questions you just say "Hey, I remember a movie ending and need the name of the movie. Spoilers are inside."

Now it may seem like a Catch-22 but you must keep in mind that there are entire crowds of us that do not mind or do not care about Spoilers. Now, I'm not debating whether that is a good or bad thing. We have been over this endlessly.

My only point is that that margin of people should be sufficient to answer the question. Those who under any circumstances want to avoid spoilers should just move on...
posted by vacapinta at 1:20 PM on May 14, 2007

What ever happened to the convention of posting spoilers in rot13? Seems like a great idea to me. It's now easier than ever.
posted by agropyron at 1:25 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE!
posted by anotherpanacea at 1:28 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Rirelbar qvrf ba gur Crdhbq rkprcg sbe Vfuznry.
posted by yeti at 1:32 PM on May 14, 2007

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time.
posted by ND¢ at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2007

Can someone please tell me ahead of time how this thread is going to end?
posted by JanetLand at 1:35 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

If only this were a semi-annual occurrence.
posted by OmieWise at 1:36 PM on May 14, 2007

It's people! Soylent green is people!11!!1
posted by Mister_A at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2007

Guvf zrffntr unf unq ebg guvegrra nccyvrq gb vg.
posted by phearlez at 1:37 PM on May 14, 2007

I am SO staying away from all of you when the new Harry Potter book comes out.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:38 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

There's an Internet phenomena I like to call the Tragedy of the Weak Link (TWL). Basically it says that if there's a chance, however small of "something obvious and stupid" being said, then it will be said. Thats because the potential audience/commenters here are so large, that all you need is one person to exercise bad judgement for that "stupid thing" to occur.

The Tragedy of the Weak Link says, for example, that if all of us were equally able to push a button to initiate Nuclear War, we'd al be dead because the button would have been pushed by somebody and it only takes one.
posted by vacapinta at 1:40 PM on May 14, 2007 [7 favorites]

I am SO staying away from all of you when the new Harry Potter book comes out.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:38 PM PST on May 14

I paid $10 extra when I pre-ordered it to find out the ending. Voldemort is Harry's father and is redeemed in the end right before he dies. Then the ewoks fucking jam out.
posted by ND¢ at 1:43 PM on May 14, 2007 [11 favorites]

If there's one part of the site that we probably aren't going to go around hunting down griefy spoiler comments, it's a thread in metatalk about spoilers. And what vacapinta said. Try not to be such a jerk about these things, mattbucher.
posted by cortex at 1:45 PM on May 14, 2007

I heard somewhere that the last word of the next Harry Potter book is 'scar.'
posted by anotherpanacea at 1:47 PM on May 14, 2007

"It's a Catch-22,"

SPOILER ALERT— Yosarrian would have to be crazy to fly more missions, and thus should be prohibited from flying. But requesting to be exempted proves he's sane!
posted by klangklangston at 1:49 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Juliet kills herself
posted by cellphone at 1:52 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Right at the end when they think that they have killed the bad guy and he is lying there apparently dead, he really isn't, and he jump up one more time and then they really kill him.
posted by ND¢ at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well, that's a tough one. "What's the name of this movie and the only thing I remember is the ending?" It's a Catch-22, because if you don't recognize the movie, you don't want to see the description, but you can't tell that without reading it.

It's not tough at all. If you don't recognize the description, then there's no need to click inside the thread, hence you know the spoiled ending to some unnamed movie which you may or may not ever see in the future. Not much of a spoiler there.

If you did recognize it, then nothing spoiled.

And if you didn't recognize it and clicked inside anyways, well what the heck did you think was going to happen in response to someone asking for the movie's title?
posted by juv3nal at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2007

Jesus did it.
posted by drezdn at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2007

I apologize. I flagged my comment and will move on.
posted by mattbucher at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2007

"That's some catch that catch 22."

"It's The best there is."
posted by Mister_A at 1:58 PM on May 14, 2007

[I deleted the sopranos spoiler]
posted by mathowie at 1:59 PM on May 14, 2007

::claps::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:00 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

and now nothing remains... but the grudges.
posted by COBRA! at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2007

But many of us will always remember how this thread got mattbuchered.
posted by NationalKato at 2:01 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

that was some serious mattbuchery.
posted by shmegegge at 2:02 PM on May 14, 2007

mattastic.
posted by Stynxno at 2:04 PM on May 14, 2007

Here's proper AskMe etiquette for a query like this:

Hey, I am writing a book about a guy who can't remember the name of a movie where events transpire, plots points are advanced, and hidden motives are revealed. What movie is that?
posted by Mister_A at 2:05 PM on May 14, 2007

Mister_A, the movie you're looking for is called Adaptation.
posted by drezdn at 2:08 PM on May 14, 2007 [4 favorites]

I haven't watch it yet, but I sure hope Bode Miller rocked in Turin.
posted by yeti at 2:09 PM on May 14, 2007

I apologize. I flagged my comment and will move on.

Thanks for the apology but you're still an asshole.
posted by timeistight at 2:12 PM on May 14, 2007

In case you were wondering: Spider-Man wins.
posted by dgaicun at 2:19 PM on May 14, 2007

"I don't think we should talk about the results of any election either. At some point in the future I may decide to watch election-night coverage and I wouldn't want to ruin it by knowing who wins. I'm also against sports scores, the stock market, obituaries in the newspaper, and grocery store ads which indicate the actual price of things."
posted by blue_beetle at 2:19 PM on May 14, 2007

that's pretty great, the way you quote yourself. that way, we can just look to the old conversation to see how this one would end instead of discussing anything.
posted by shmegegge at 2:22 PM on May 14, 2007

I hate to break it to you, shmegegge, but this thread'll end like all the others:

This thread is over 30 days old, and has been closed for archival purposes.
posted by yeti at 2:28 PM on May 14, 2007

Watch the spoiler there, yeti. Some of us haven't finished reading.
posted by puke & cry at 2:38 PM on May 14, 2007

Columbo tells Fred Savage that he loves him. Then the ewoks fucking jam out.
posted by 23skidoo at 2:58 PM on May 14, 2007

He gets crucified on the iceberg.
posted by Demogorgon at 2:59 PM on May 14, 2007

His girlfriend has a penis.
posted by Elmore at 3:03 PM on May 14, 2007

Thanks for the apology but you're still an asshole.

Your ability to forgive is Jesus-like.

Oh fuck now I went and spoiled the bible.
posted by phearlez at 3:05 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

The Planet of the Apes is really the Earth -- in the future!
posted by ericb at 3:13 PM on May 14, 2007

Luke is his son.
posted by Elmore at 3:17 PM on May 14, 2007

The pig wins the sheep dog competition.
posted by brundlefly at 3:18 PM on May 14, 2007

Brody and Hooper swim back to shore.
posted by Elmore at 3:24 PM on May 14, 2007

She's a man, man.
posted by OmieWise at 3:24 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

They're both Tyler Durden. And they fucking love jamming out with the ewoks.
posted by dogwalker at 3:30 PM on May 14, 2007

The sled did it.
posted by minkll at 3:34 PM on May 14, 2007

I hereby nominate "and then the ewoks fucking jam out" as the next mefi super joke.
posted by shmegegge at 3:44 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

The credits roll. You shuffle out of the theater, cursing yourself for not listening to your friend, whose succinct review was "piece of shit."
posted by thatweirdguy2 at 3:44 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

A few months ago, when I was in the middle of reading Jane Eyre for the first time, I happened to go back and look at the first big MetaTalk spoiler thread--not for any related reason, I was just linking to it because it's fucking funny. Naturally, my eyes went right to the comment with a major Jane Eyre spoiler that, by some miracle, I'd avoided hearing anything about up to that point. It did sort of fuck up my reading of the next 200 pages, because there was this one big thing sort of looming in the background that I knew was coming but didn't know anything about. (This is also pretty much why spoilers aren't the same as just rereading something). I've got no one to blame but myself, of course, and it does make for a good story.
posted by moss at 3:46 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

The credits roll. You shuffle out of the theater, cursing yourself for not listening to your friend, whose succinct review was "piece of shit."

Hey, you saw Spiderman 3 too?
posted by Partial Law at 3:50 PM on May 14, 2007

The whole thing was an ad from Ray-Ban.
posted by L. Fitzgerald Sjoberg at 3:51 PM on May 14, 2007

<spoiler>At the end, mathowie has to take quonsar out back and shoot him.</spoiler>
posted by Eideteker at 3:57 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Brendon edits the movie ala Memento. Melissa and Jason were right: It's hacky and it sucks. Meanwhile, the entire episode dealing with backward plots, is itself, backwards. Paula's exclamation about "finding something" referred to finding a hidden item in a puzzle book she stole from the pediatrician's office.
posted by The Deej at 3:59 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

shmegegge writes "I hereby nominate 'and then the ewoks fucking jam out' as the next mefi super joke."

Seconded.
posted by brundlefly at 4:02 PM on May 14, 2007

The Jews killed him.

Oh, sorry. Wrong thread.
posted by brundlefly at 4:02 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Oh, and for ROT13 in your Firefox browser: leetkey
posted by Eideteker at 4:04 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

The only movie I can think of where knowing the ending would really have changed my experience is Carrie, which made for the sole time I have screamed anything in a crowded theatre.
posted by jamjam at 4:08 PM on May 14, 2007

Sucks, this.
posted by interrobang at 4:19 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

There's an Internet phenomena I like to call the Tragedy of the Weak Link

I like it. But you could also call it a lack of defensive design.
posted by frogan at 4:21 PM on May 14, 2007

The only movie I can think of where knowing the ending would really have changed my experience is Carrie

Ahem.

The Sixth Sense.

But my favorite example was Titanic.

I was talking to my cousins, and I was marveling at the marketing campaign and the central gimmick to the story, that managed to inject an air of anticipation into a completely known subject. I mean, everyone knows the ship sinks, right? And everyone knows the Rose Dawson character survives, because you see her as an old woman. Now, what happens to Jack Dawson? Brilliant script and marketing ploy, I said.

He dies, a cousin said.

What?

Yeah, we saw it last night. He dies.

I had never threatened to kill a 10-year-old before.
posted by frogan at 4:26 PM on May 14, 2007

Walker tells Haley Joel Osment that he has AIDS, and that he got it from fucking a jammed Ewok.
posted by goatdog at 4:27 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Well, I'm too late to spoil this thread, but can I spoil the next MeTa about spoilers? It'll rehash the same old "Vader is his father" crap that we've seen in every other one of these. The joke lost its humor. In 2001.
posted by Durin's Bane at 4:27 PM on May 14, 2007

Wow, it's been a while since I've been around. I just logged on for the first time in eons: my front page now informs me "16271 links and 717768 comments posted since your last visit". There are three new sections, and one new moderator that I can spot.

But then I read threads like this, and I realize: this place never changes. Thanks, MetaFilter!
posted by ChrisTN at 4:28 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

Durin's Bane writes "The joke lost its humor. In 2001."

Hal flips out, and Dave becomes the Star Child.
posted by brundlefly at 4:32 PM on May 14, 2007

Sucks, this.
posted by interrobang

A classic line.
posted by The Deej at 4:33 PM on May 14, 2007

The tornado and the trip to Oz were actually parts of a drug-induced hallucination experienced by Dorothy while she was double-dildoing another girl on a coffee table at a party hosted by “Big” Tim and “Scarecrow” Captain Koons. The famous article in Film Comment elaborated on Tim's line to Dorothy that she came back to him like a “dog to its own father” used a Freudian analysis and provided new insight into Dorothy Gale's projection of “Big” Tim onto the character of The Wizard. Unfortunately, this proved to be based upon a mishearing and the actual scripted line was “like a dog to its own comet”, which remains mystifying to this day, though there is some speculation it is linked to Nostradamus's text, Les Propheties.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 4:45 PM on May 14, 2007

How do people make the leap from "spoilers don't bother me" to "spoilers shouldn't bother anyone"? By that logic, I should serve vegetarians meat. Fuck knows I enjoy it, so why should they mind?
posted by smackfu at 4:51 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Everyone survives in the end. Unless you're watching the movie in an independent theater or it's something in the Criterion Collection. In that case, everyone dies.
posted by vacapinta at 4:52 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

The Great Film Index (GFI): The more people die in the end, the more likely the movie is to be critically-acclaimed.
posted by vacapinta at 4:55 PM on May 14, 2007

mathowie and jessamyn slay the Bull of Heaven. As punishment for their hubris, the gods kill jessamyn. mathowie grieves for his fellow-moderator, then sets out on a quest to find cortex, who -- according to legend -- is immortal. cortex says death comes not to those who repel trolls for six days and seven nights. mathowie attempts to repel all trolls in all threads, but fails. He returns to the kingdom of Uruk. In the last tablet of the story, jessamyn reappears, bringing with her knowledge of the underworld. Then the ewoks fucking jam out.
posted by Greg Nog at 4:57 PM on May 14, 2007 [23 favorites]

You'll notice that they kind of split the difference on the whole death thing in Armageddon. That's how it made it into the Criterion Collection.
posted by brundlefly at 4:57 PM on May 14, 2007

I'm thinking that my jokey comment should have just been a description of Requiem for a Dream ending with then the Ewoks fucking.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:00 PM on May 14, 2007

Faust repents, but still gets sent to Hell!

I applied rot13 to that twice just to be extra sure. :D
posted by Many bubbles at 5:06 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Raffles and Bunny never end up doing it.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:10 PM on May 14, 2007

I mean, everyone knows the ship sinks, right?

Dammit. I haven't seen Titanic yet. Now you've gone and ruined it for me.
posted by ericb at 5:15 PM on May 14, 2007

The butler did it.
posted by who squared at 5:15 PM on May 14, 2007

MetaFilter: Then the ewoks fucking jam out.
posted by eyeballkid at 5:22 PM on May 14, 2007

They lower haystacks off the boat deck, but the Lusitania still sinks.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:22 PM on May 14, 2007

"The Jews killed him."

And the Jewoks fucking jammed out.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 5:23 PM on May 14, 2007

Hirohito has the last laugh.

In another film, even though we mark George's words, Osama is not brought to justice. Neither is George.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:27 PM on May 14, 2007

He DID raise taxes.
posted by The Deej at 5:32 PM on May 14, 2007

In another film, even though we mark George's words, Osama is not brought to justice. Neither is George.

That's probably my fault. See, I didn't actually mark his words.
posted by The World Famous at 5:39 PM on May 14, 2007

In the end, the Really Decadent Guys hire Gil Tarbox on to be The Minister Of Law, and imprison Doctor Moist in a dungeon, but the real surprise is that Mr. Colosso's first name turns out to be Leslie.
posted by aubilenon at 6:00 PM on May 14, 2007

It turns out he was imagining the whole rescue, and is still in the torture chamber.
posted by pompomtom at 6:08 PM on May 14, 2007

*deletes Netflix queue*
posted by hoppytoad at 6:13 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Holy shit pompomtom, you're reading my mind. I was about to post that.
posted by puke & cry at 6:13 PM on May 14, 2007

Nah... you were just imagining that. You're still in the torture chamber.
posted by pompomtom at 6:18 PM on May 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

Javere finds the Ewoks.
posted by klangklangston at 6:25 PM on May 14, 2007

and they fucking JAM OUT.
posted by jessamyn at 6:31 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

That villain you thought was dead? Alive.

That hero you thought was alive? Dead.

That woman you thought was good? Evil.

That man you thought was evil? Good.

That kid you thought was retarded? Smart.

That year you thought was 1897? 2004.

That girl you thought was a servant? Queen.

That chick you thought was a chick? Dude.

That sequence you thought was real? Imagined.

That motif you thought was spirituality? Science.

That guy you thought was verbal? Freaking Kaiser Soze.

Those ewoks you thought were cute? They never were.
posted by brain_drain at 6:32 PM on May 14, 2007 [7 favorites]

sidebar, plz. kthxbye.
posted by shmegegge at 6:36 PM on May 14, 2007

The little girl and the old man save the ewoks. I forget what happens after that.
posted by shmegegge at 6:37 PM on May 14, 2007

Glenn Close tells Kevin Kline to go ahead and knock up Mary Kay Place. Then the ewoks fucking jam out to some Motown.
posted by jrossi4r at 6:38 PM on May 14, 2007

...and the Ewoks spill Smuckers in her vagina and fuck the jam out.
posted by Rhomboid at 7:36 PM on May 14, 2007 [3 favorites]

* blinks *
posted by jessamyn at 7:45 PM on May 14, 2007

Well, with a name like Smucker's, it has to be good.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:51 PM on May 14, 2007

Mr. Creosote vomits. Profusely.
posted by ericb at 8:18 PM on May 14, 2007

Christ, am I fucking sick to death of 'and then the ewoks fucking jam out'.

And if knowing the wacky twist at the end of a story ruins it for you, it generally means it's a piece of shit that has little else going for it.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:30 PM on May 14, 2007

Yeah, suspense sucks and is only used in crappy stuff. Hitchhock - a hack.
posted by smackfu at 8:40 PM on May 14, 2007

idiotfilter: It turns out he was imagining the whole rescue, and is still in the torture chamber.

What is that a reference to?

thanks!
posted by andoatnp at 8:43 PM on May 14, 2007

andoatnp

The finest film yet made.
posted by pompomtom at 8:46 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Sephiroth stabs Aerith right in the motherfucking back. Just, bam! Sword in the back. Out of nowhere. And you spent like twenty hours with her in the party leveling her up and ignoring Tifa.

Jesus fucking christ.
posted by cortex at 8:46 PM on May 14, 2007 [3 favorites]

Yeah, suspense sucks and is only used in crappy stuff. Hitchhock - a hack.

Yeah, because the endings were the only things Hitchcock's movies had going for them.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 8:48 PM on May 14, 2007

It turns out that Ambrose Chapel is a place, not a person.

Hey, you're right, Alvy Ampersand, Hitchcock movies had surprises in the middle of the movie, too!
posted by The World Famous at 8:52 PM on May 14, 2007

Cortex, is that a film or are you just projecting D&D?
posted by pompomtom at 8:54 PM on May 14, 2007

It really was shit she was eating. Actual human poop.
posted by kosem at 8:54 PM on May 14, 2007

I don't want to spoil it, pompomtom. Those what know, know, and together each night we cry into our pillows.
posted by cortex at 8:56 PM on May 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

Is OK. Google is my friend.


(well, until the bit at the end with the big twist, but I don't want to spoil it for you...)
posted by pompomtom at 8:58 PM on May 14, 2007

There are five four lights.
posted by blue_beetle at 9:34 PM on May 14, 2007

I don't remember there being a big twist at the end of FF7. Unless the turks dying is a "big twist".
posted by puke & cry at 9:39 PM on May 14, 2007

That was optional, if I remember correctly.
posted by puke & cry at 9:41 PM on May 14, 2007

god, that ewoks thing was fucking hilarious and then another 60 comments got posted.

run that train into the ground, motherfuckers!

it's what you do best.
posted by fishfucker at 9:48 PM on May 14, 2007

And then the train fucking jammed out! With Ewoks.
posted by Many bubbles at 9:54 PM on May 14, 2007

John Wayne looks like he's about to kill her, then like he's about to fuck her, but instead he saves her.

Although I bet he still secretly wants to fuck her.
posted by Doublewhiskeycokenoice at 10:46 PM on May 14, 2007

The finest film yet made.
posted by pompomtom at 11:46 PM on May 14 [1 favorite -] [!]

you bet your motherfucking ass.

Sephiroth stabs Aerith right in the motherfucking back. Just, bam! Sword in the back. Out of nowhere. And you spent like twenty hours with her in the party leveling her up and ignoring Tifa.

I wish I could favorite this a thousand times.

Yeah, because the endings were the only things Hitchcock's movies had going for them.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:48 PM on May 14 [+] [!]

Yeah, because no one would mind if someone spoiled the twist to a Hitchcock movie just because they're good movies.
posted by shmegegge at 10:59 PM on May 14, 2007

I am fucking jamming out right here. ROFJO, even.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:18 PM on May 14, 2007

The last season of Roseanne was just Roseanne's imagination. The Ewoks were busy that day.
posted by roll truck roll at 11:34 PM on May 14, 2007

In America, Robert Deniro swoops down from above, guns blazing and whisks him away to safety, freedom and the girl.

In Britain, all that is just a reaction to the torture.
posted by Pollomacho at 5:52 AM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

Kramer's first name is Cosmo.

The barbecue is actually human flesh!

You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!
posted by TedW at 6:32 AM on May 15, 2007

Godzilla?


Pregnant.
posted by mygothlaundry at 6:50 AM on May 15, 2007

Guess what happened on Sopranos Sunday night?
posted by NationalKato at 7:05 AM on May 15, 2007

Charlie dies.
posted by empath at 7:40 AM on May 15, 2007

Ben shoots Locke at the Dharma Initiative mass grave but the bullet hits where his kidney would have been if his con man father hadn't stolen it. Locke survives.
posted by brownpau at 8:18 AM on May 15, 2007

House was only pretending to be an insufferable prick, to hide his gender conflict. After the operation, he becomes Marcus Welby.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:22 AM on May 15, 2007

Actually, House is really British and is just faking the accent!
posted by smackfu at 8:40 AM on May 15, 2007 [4 favorites]

Late one night, Mitch is arrested at a Hummer dealership while pasting "I HAVE A TINY PENIS" bumper stickers on the cars. He tries to escape, but the slow-motion thing makes it easy for the cops to catch him.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 8:52 AM on May 15, 2007

Darth Vader is Luke's father. The woman in the "Crying Game" is really a man. Ole Yeller dies. In "Murder on the Orient Express" they all did it. Captain Kirk isn't really dead, he's in the Nexus; but then he dies for real later. On July 4th, we killed all the aliens by giving them a computer virus which took down their shields. Verbal is Kaiser Solteh. The North wins. The Nazi's lose. Tom Cruise screws over the firm and gets away. Jeff Bridges did kill his wife in "Jagged Edge". Galron is a shapeshifter imposter. Fortran really is dead. Harrison Ford always, always saves the day. In "Crimson Tide", Denzel Washington is right. Jim Phelps is the one who betrays the Impossible Mission team. All of the "Reservoir Dogs" die. Robert Redford hits a game-winning homer at the end of "The Natural". James Bond gets the girl. Lestat isn't really dead. Leia is Luke's sister. Henry V wins, but barely. Cousin Vinny gets the "two yutes" off, but only after Marisa Tomei's expert testimony. Richard Gear ends up with the slut in "Pretty Woman". Spock dies, then comes back to life on a planet where Kirk's son gets killed, and proceeds to help save the whales and earth by travelling back and forth in time in a Klingon ship, but doesn't get demoted for stealing the Enterprise because he wasn't there, he was dead. ET goes home. In "Blade Runner" Rachael is a replicant -- some think that Deckard may be too. Mel Gibson dies at the end of "Braveheart", but the future queen is pregnant with his kid. Sean Penn did do it in "Dead Man Walking". The Wizard of Oz is really a short, fat, bald man. Nicolas Cage dies at the end of "Leaving Las Vegas". In "Field of Dreams", "He" is Costner's father. Mr. Holland's former students play his opus in the end -- the redhead becomes governor. The Apollo 13 crew makes it back safely. Barnabus is a vampire. Al Pacino shoots and kills Robert DeNiro. In "Speed" there is a videocamera on the bus and a hole under the trash can. OJ did it. Harry marries Sally. To get to the other side. The prisoner is Pip's benefactor. Romeo and Juliet kill themselves. Either a newspaper or half-eaten zebra. Sue Ellen's sister shot J.R. Maggie shot Mr. Burns (not on purpose). Bobby's death was just a dream (Pam's). The HAL9000 computer goes homicidal, but it isn't his fault. (Incidentally, the letters followng HAL are IBM.) There is always someone in the back seat. Jack gets old and dies. In "Terms of Endearment" Debra Winger gets cancer and dies. Bill Clinton wears briefs. Rosebud is the sled.

From here. This is so going to get deleted, isn't it?
posted by Johnny Assay at 9:02 AM on May 15, 2007 [2 favorites]

TedW writes "Kramer's first name is Cosmo."

And McGyver's first name is Angus.
posted by brundlefly at 9:07 AM on May 15, 2007

My bologna's first name is Oscar.
posted by NationalKato at 9:14 AM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

And McGyver's first name is Angus.

Goddammit. I just got the series box set and now that's going to color the whole viewing experience. You should be shot.
posted by cortex at 9:23 AM on May 15, 2007

Trinity dies. (*sniff*)
posted by Lynsey at 9:59 AM on May 15, 2007

It really was shit she was eating. Actual human poop.

Somebody's finally funded Tubgirl: The Movie?
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:04 AM on May 15, 2007

And filmed it in Baltimore, yes.
posted by cortex at 11:06 AM on May 15, 2007

idiotfilter: It turns out he was imagining the whole rescue, and is still in the torture chamber.

What is that a reference to?

SPOILER!
SPOILER!
SPOILER!



Brazil



SPOILER!
SPOILER!
SPOILER!
posted by frogan at 3:13 PM on May 15, 2007

Something in this thread is way overripe.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:08 PM on May 15, 2007

wikipedia entry for Little Red Riding Hood.

Spoiler warning: Plot and/or ending details follow.
posted by dreamsign at 8:15 PM on May 15, 2007 [1 favorite]

That's precious dreamsign.
posted by Catfry at 5:24 AM on May 16, 2007