Celebritytrainwreckfilter sucks

July 25, 2007 9:01 AM

Why?
posted by Burhanistan to MetaFilter-related at 9:01 AM (225 comments total)

I can appreciate that Styxno seems keen on doing a "definitive mefi post" on this sort of thing (witness), but this seems excessive.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:03 AM on July 25, 2007

Why (am I not surprised to see this in MeTa)?
posted by mds35 at 9:03 AM on July 25, 2007

Why do you think it sucks?
posted by greasy_skillet at 9:04 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?
posted by amro at 9:05 AM on July 25, 2007

for the lulz
posted by mullacc at 9:05 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?
posted by ColdChef at 9:05 AM on July 25, 2007

Curse you, amro.
posted by ColdChef at 9:05 AM on July 25, 2007

It's a well-researched, well-written post about some lame pop culture thing, but he used a lot of unique sources and angles on it. If ever there's a "zomg celebrity gossip!" story on mefi, at least this is one we can be proud of.

It's certainly better than a single link "lohan arrested for DUI + coke" aimed at people magazine or something.
posted by mathowie at 9:06 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites]

People just buy shit you don't need and give a fuck about people they don't know and live the American dream.
posted by chunking express at 9:07 AM on July 25, 2007

Why? (recursive)

I think it's pretty obvious why.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:07 AM on July 25, 2007

Even if you think it's pretty obvious why, it'd be helpful if you could put it in words.
posted by cortex at 9:09 AM on July 25, 2007

Because there's a war going on?
posted by Stan Chin at 9:09 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Why?
posted by kosem at 9:11 AM on July 25, 2007

Flagged as not-about-Tom-Cruise.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:14 AM on July 25, 2007 [4 favorites]

What?
posted by mds35 at 9:15 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Even if you think it's pretty obvious why, it'd be helpful if you could put it in words.

Because she's a young, spoiled, rich party girl with big breasts. And a trainwreck in the bargain. Good times, good times. Duh.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:16 AM on July 25, 2007

I don't really see what makes the post well-researched. It's just a lot of headlines that we all probably saw if not on google or yahoo, then on TMZ ot Smoking Gun, aggregated in one place. I guess that is marginally useful.....Otherwise I see a ":(" and links to the IMDB pages for her movies. Not the absolute worst post ever, but certainly not the best of the web. I could be missing something. If I am, let me know.
posted by sneakin at 9:18 AM on July 25, 2007

Ok, fine. It's a well written post but ultimately useless and vapid. Next time I'll just flag it and move on. Continue with the Why? or just close it. My apologies.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:18 AM on July 25, 2007

Pie!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:20 AM on July 25, 2007

It took 1 hour and 19 minutes for someone to post a complaint about this on MetaTalk.

You people are slipping.
posted by milarepa at 9:21 AM on July 25, 2007

I was in rehab.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:22 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

I know why.
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:22 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?

Because if all we ever posted here was links to AJAX-ed satellite tracking websites, magazines in PDFs, and experiments with Wiimotes, people might think we were nerds.
posted by Plutor at 9:22 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites]

Stories like Lohan's serve a purpose. When I was young, I used to dream about being famous. for...something. People would want to read interviews with me, would analyze my works, men would respect me, women would want me, etc. etc.

But Lohan, Spears, Downey et al show that what it adds up to is hypercompetition, insecurity, no privacy, a snarking public, and your every foible exposed to the world as entertainment. If that's fame, they can keep it and I'll be a happy nobody.
posted by jonmc at 9:23 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

I don't really see what makes the post well-researched.

'Well-searched' is a better term, maybe. Or well-searchengined? Well-googlenewssearched?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:23 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

I was going to do this but Burhanistan beat me to it half an hour ago. GMTA!
posted by davy at 9:23 AM on July 25, 2007

Well strip-searched.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 9:24 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

Firecrotch!
posted by stinkycheese at 9:24 AM on July 25, 2007

No wait, it was only 20 minutes. Burhanistan, we're FATED to be together!1!1!1!!!
posted by davy at 9:24 AM on July 25, 2007

Precisely, Blazeock Pileon.

Well Wikipedia'd? I mean, the entry is updated through July 24, 2007.
posted by sneakin at 9:25 AM on July 25, 2007

Because if all we ever posted here was links to AJAX-ed satellite tracking websites, magazines in PDFs, and experiments with Wiimotes, people might think we were nerds.

Hey! You left out the shit exhibit!
posted by Burhanistan at 9:25 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

It's a well-researched, well-written post about some lame pop culture thing, but he used a lot of unique sources and angles on it. If ever there's a "zomg celebrity gossip!" story on mefi, at least this is one we can be proud of.

Rah-rah team for the effort that went into it, but this is like the worst kind of celebrity gossip: the kind we all already know about. It's not news. LiLo used to be cute, but she has been a mess for a long long time. We know this. Getting a DUI or two is in no way shocking, interesting or unforseeable. It's not like Mandy Moore started a meth lab or something.
posted by 23skidoo at 9:25 AM on July 25, 2007

Stinkycheese!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:25 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Blazecock Pileon!
posted by stinkycheese at 9:27 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?

I had thought this was MetaFilter, not MetaCesspool, but the odor emanating off this post has me thinking twice.
posted by prostyle at 9:28 AM on July 25, 2007

It's not like Mandy Moore started a meth lab or something.

I agree. If Mandy Moore starts a meth lab or if someone proves that Jamie Lee Curtis is in fact a hermaphrodite,or that Angelina Jolie is selling babies, then clearly there should be a hefty post about it in the blue. Otherwise, I will stick to TMZ thankyouverymuch.
posted by sneakin at 9:28 AM on July 25, 2007

New rule: all MeFi posts must come with a 500 word essay justifying their existence.
posted by cillit bang at 9:31 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Celebritytrainwreckfilter sucks... without the img tag.
FREE IMG!
posted by mek at 9:32 AM on July 25, 2007

It's certainly better than a single link "lohan arrested for DUI + coke" aimed at people magazine or something.

In a certain sense, maybe. But the net result is the same.
posted by Burhanistan at 9:33 AM on July 25, 2007

Thank god she isn't suffering from exhaustion, I tell you what.
posted by Deathalicious at 9:33 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

"Angelina Jolie is selling babies"

No no no, she's BUYING babies. And training them to do natural-borm Americans out of dishwashing and busboy jobs.
posted by davy at 9:33 AM on July 25, 2007

It's certainly better than a single link "lohan arrested for DUI + coke" aimed at people magazine or something.

That's damning with faint praise certainly. The flag queue says "sucks" but the favorites say "might not suck" or maybe just "wow you've got balls for posting this shit here"
posted by jessamyn at 9:36 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Sorry Burhanistan, looks like you lose this one.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:37 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Styxno's was a good post. And I have never ever been wrong.
posted by Jofus at 9:38 AM on July 25, 2007

or that Angelina Jolie is selling babies,

Angelina doesn't sell babies, she buys them, duh.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:38 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

No, I win because I cared, TPS. But we all lost anyways.

[/melodrama]
posted by Burhanistan at 9:39 AM on July 25, 2007

Why? Because Metafilter is the private school Fark.
posted by liam at 9:40 AM on July 25, 2007 [5 favorites]

they tried to make Stynx go to rehab
But Matt said no, no, no
Maybe it's shit, but you all love it
So go blow, blow, blooow

Mods ain't got the time
To listen to you all whiiiiine
They won't make Stynxy go to rehab
just 'cause yoooou saaaay so.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:42 AM on July 25, 2007 [7 favorites]

Angelina doesn't sell babies, she buys them, duh.

Brb, I have sometime to post in the blue. I will be back in 15 links.
posted by sneakin at 9:43 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

My theory is that these posts are just elaborate performance pieces designed to elicit just these reactions. Stynxno doesn't really care about this shit, he's making a statement that just because a post has a ton of links, it doesn't actually make it worthwhile if the subject matter has no redeeming value to begin with.

This is me being an optimist.
posted by picea at 9:43 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

Buyin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you'll pay me
Buyin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
What you think it's worth to me
I can see it, your face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes
I'm happy you know it
That you're buyin' my baby,
You're the woman who pays, & I love what's coming to me,
Buyin' my baby....
posted by Floydd at 9:44 AM on July 25, 2007

Why? So people like myself can have a good old moan about the fact that respectable news orgs wouldn't have touched a story like this ten years ago.
posted by chuckdarwin at 9:45 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?
posted by grateful at 9:47 AM on July 25, 2007

Darn you, TPS. Once that song gets in my head it's there all day.
posted by amro at 9:53 AM on July 25, 2007

Because.
posted by maxwelton at 9:53 AM on July 25, 2007

Why not?

Or, alternatively:

Because.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:54 AM on July 25, 2007

it wraps its song 'round everything?
posted by boo_radley at 9:54 AM on July 25, 2007

Who?
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 9:56 AM on July 25, 2007

If not now, when?
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 10:05 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?
Because we like you.
L-O-H-A-N
posted by plinth at 10:09 AM on July 25, 2007

It's a well-researched, well-written post about some lame pop culture thing, but he used a lot of unique sources and angles on it. If ever there's a "zomg celebrity gossip!" story on mefi, at least this is one we can be proud of.

Wow. I... I don't quite know what to say, except that I'm a little more depressed than I was before.
posted by languagehat at 10:09 AM on July 25, 2007 [4 favorites]

Either you're with us, or you're with the enemy.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:15 AM on July 25, 2007

Wow. I... I don't quite know what to say, except that I'm a little more depressed than I was before.

maybe this is not necessarily Lingua Franca or some academic journal (it never was, it certainly is now)? so maybe a post about celebrity news is not necessarily worse than, say, a youtube link to a video of a cockroach humping a Rolex watch?

the problem is not why this is on MetaFilter (because as much as we all love Matt and what he has created, this is ultimately a site created by some dude in Oregon in his spare time), the problem is why is this on CNN, MSNBC, etc.

I actually learned of the arrest watching CNN, they lacked the balls to use the BREAKING NEWS graphics but it was close -- this is the kind of stuff that should be breaking news on Perez Hilton, not on CNN. Al Jazeera at least, Allah bless their terrarist hearts, does not give a shit about Lohan unless she converts to Islam, which is not likely to happen anytime soon (no booze for Muslims)

so, Burhanistan, I'd say you're better off complaining to your favorite news channel, not to metatalk. having said that, I don't think stynxno needs cheering from the pink superhero or anybody else, because this is not really about whether Burhanistan wins the argument. he/she doesn't like the post to be here, so more power to him/her. I think it's fine. but then, as I said, this is not CNN.
posted by matteo at 10:24 AM on July 25, 2007 [4 favorites]

Well, sir, I disagree with your choice of post topics but I will fight to the death for your right to post it.
posted by shmegegge at 10:25 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Yes, that post was most definitely not 'well-researched.'
posted by NationalKato at 10:27 AM on July 25, 2007

why do supposed intellectuals feel that in order to remain credible, it's necessary for them to deride anything and everything revolving around celebrity or pop culture? and how, if at all, does the implied femininity of entertainment news influence their dismissive attitude -- since we all know 'real men' are busy thinking about 'important things' and not 'gay' stuff like wheter or not britney spears is borderline retarded or tom cruise is a robot?

I'll pay attention to your 'oh, the public are sheep! how tiresome!' revelations when you yourself start living outside mainstream culture -- otherwise your commentary is shortsighted hypocrisy. how many of you whiners produce real goods, and how many of you produce intellectual product? Guess what? Celebrity and entertainment is also part of the latter.

god, andy warhol would piss in your mouth so hard.
posted by fishfucker at 10:28 AM on July 25, 2007 [22 favorites]

There once was a gal in the news
For skinniness, boobies, and booze
We all care, we do
But deny that it's true
And post why? to cover the clues
posted by ORthey at 10:29 AM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites]

i heart fishfucker.
posted by Stynxno at 10:30 AM on July 25, 2007

I found this post perfectly adequite.
posted by kimdog at 10:32 AM on July 25, 2007

Why?
posted by ericb at 10:37 AM on July 25, 2007

“My theory is that these posts are just elaborate performance pieces designed to elicit just these reactions. Stynxno doesn't really care about this shit, he's making a statement that just because a post has a ton of links, it doesn't actually make it worthwhile if the subject matter has no redeeming value to begin with.”

Of course that's what this post is all about. Who thinks otherwise? Stynxno is just fucking with us. C'mon, it's obvious.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 10:37 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Angelina doesn't sell babies, she buys them, duh.

Um, no. They are given to her. And we are grateful that she accepts them because Angelina Jolie Dies for Our Sins.

"A very beautiful woman who sees herself as the underdog becomes very famous. Because of her fame, she suffers. Because of her suffering, she becomes even more famous. Then she becomes virtuous. Very, very virtuous."

(I guess you need to write stuff like that to get her to pose with nothing other than a silk sheet. It's not unlike dating.)
posted by probablysteve at 10:38 AM on July 25, 2007

What fishfucker said + stop being like "She's a terrible actress with no redeeming value! But I've never seen any of her movies."
posted by SoftRain at 10:38 AM on July 25, 2007

god, andy warhol would piss in your mouth so hard.

Actually, he'd stand idly by while one of his hangers-on did it for him and then he'd sign his name on your chin, but the principle is the same.
posted by kittens for breakfast at 10:38 AM on July 25, 2007 [10 favorites]

Y?
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 10:41 AM on July 25, 2007

Of course that's what this post is all about. Who thinks otherwise? Stynxno is just fucking with us. C'mon, it's obvious.

Well, he discussed it with me ahead of time yesterday in IRC, and emailed Matt for a spit-take as well after I suggested that he might want a second opinion. So I'm not sure that's true, as much as the greater #mefi-sphere may display some impulse control problems now and then.
posted by cortex at 10:48 AM on July 25, 2007

STYNXNO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by JanetLand at 10:59 AM on July 25, 2007

For the same reason it smothers CNN and litters magazine racks at airports - more page hits, more ad revenue.

Integrity is always the first thing to be traded for money.
posted by four panels at 10:59 AM on July 25, 2007

the favorites say "might not suck" or maybe just "wow you've got balls for posting this shit here"
What the favorites say, is, "Gosh! That's a lot of links! 'A' for effort!"
posted by Wolfdog at 10:59 AM on July 25, 2007

I'll pay attention to your 'oh, the public are sheep! how tiresome!' revelations when you yourself start living outside mainstream culture -- otherwise your commentary is shortsighted hypocrisy.

I'll second this point, if not the tone. I don't pay any attention to celebrities unless they show up somewhere interesting, e.g. a MetaFilter post. So this post was mostly new to me. And it was actually somewhat interesting. I didn't realize the phenomenon of teen girl celebrity had turned into such a mess while I wasn't looking. Are the Olson twins still popular? Have they been to rehab?

I know this puts me in a small minority, and so isn't much defense of the post. I mostly just want to point out that everyone saying "this is crap we already know all about," might want to reflect a bit on why you know so much about crap.
posted by scottreynen at 11:05 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

JANETLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!oneoneeleven!!!!!
posted by Stynxno at 11:17 AM on July 25, 2007

INVIZIBLE RELEVANCE
posted by whir at 11:20 AM on July 25, 2007

I know about crap. It's usually what I ate for dinner last night.
posted by ninjew at 11:24 AM on July 25, 2007

Well, he discussed it with me ahead of time yesterday in IRC, and emailed Matt for a spit-take as well after I suggested that he might want a second opinion.

OK, now I'm even more depressed. "LL? Sure, just put in a shitload of links so we can be proud of it."

Note to fishfucker and fishfucker groupies: My depression is due not to contempt for celebrities but to the realization that, based on the reaction of all three admins to the y2karl pileon, they feel better about "well researched" posts about LL than about y2karl's occasional Iraq posts, which are invariably well researched. "Uh, y2karl? Could you tone it down a bit, so we can hear the TV over the small-arms fire? Lindsay's going into rehab!"
posted by languagehat at 11:24 AM on July 25, 2007 [21 favorites]

I'll pay attention to your 'oh, the public are sheep! how tiresome!' revelations when you stop wasting your life on Metafilter. Of course, when you're not on Metafilter anymore, I won't be able to pay attention to you. Oh, the irony!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:25 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

andy warhol is dead, fishfucker.
posted by Greg Nog at 11:26 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Are the Olson twins still popular? Have they been to rehab?

Olsen twins, and yes- they have debuted several high-fashion lines (in addition to their Wal-Mart stuff), and Mary-Kate has joined the cast of Weeds. Mary-Kate has been to rehab for "an eating disorder", although it's rumored it's an ED + drugs. Poor Ashely, she's just the boring fat one.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:27 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

IF YOU STOP LOOKING AT TEH LOHAN SHE WILL GO AWAY!!

Just kidding, actually, it's important for each of us to know of her actions and whereabouts at all times, to avoid being run down by her drunken deathmobile.
posted by hermitosis at 11:29 AM on July 25, 2007 [6 favorites]

Note: the "you" in this comment is a general you, and is not directed toward any one person. Thank you.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:30 AM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

This should have been deleted as (non)-news filter. A waste of time. All the links just made the post that much worse.

Was there really a serious question or some sort of insight into anything arising from this post? Metafilter is not a celebrity magazine.
posted by washburn at 11:34 AM on July 25, 2007

“‘this is crap we already know all about,’ might want to reflect a bit on why you know so much about crap.”

This is stuff I know nothing about and deeply would like to keep it that way.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:40 AM on July 25, 2007

I bet mathowie must fucking hate getting out of bed some mornings.
posted by tristeza at 11:43 AM on July 25, 2007

OK, now I'm even more depressed. "LL? Sure, just put in a shitload of links so we can be proud of it."

Actually, it was more like, "Okay, I'm looking at the post you've constructed. And, you know, some people are not going to be hot on it, but I guess you know that. It's not breaking any rules and people aren't posting three Lohan links a day right now. I figure an encyclopedic pop culture post now and then isn't a big deal, so, yeah, I'm not going to tell you not to; but maybe email Matt or Jess if you want to get another take on it just to be sure."

But that's pretty close to what you said, so, hey.
posted by cortex at 11:45 AM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

Lohan is nothing if not a human wreck and people like to watch wrecks. Similarly, there are many people that watch NASCAR races solely for the chance of seeing a wreck.

That's just the way it is with the hairless apes on this planet.

You don't have to like it. You don't have to respect it. You can wish that it wasn't on MeFi.

But any concerted attempt to heap enough derision on this impulse so that it blows away into nothingness ... well, you may as well attempt to stop the tides.

And if you still want to try anyway, then you simply don't grok your fellow humans, you goddam, f'n Martian robot.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:51 AM on July 25, 2007

But Lohan, Spears, Downey et al show that what it adds up to is hypercompetition, insecurity, no privacy, a snarking public, and your every foible exposed to the world as entertainment. If that's fame, they can keep it and I'll be a happy nobody.

You use three of the most extreme examples to make your point, three people that very well could have ended up in the same boat if not famous. I could give you a thousand examples of famous people who do pretty well for themselves and wouldn't have it any other way.

Keep thinking those grapes are sour if it helps you sleep at night.
posted by justgary at 11:56 AM on July 25, 2007

three people that very well could have ended up in the same boat if not famous.

Of course. But they wouldn't have the entire world watching every fuck-up they make is the crucial difference.
posted by jonmc at 12:00 PM on July 25, 2007

You know there ought to be some sort of consequence for posting to the gray. Maybe like 1 out of every 30 posters gets randomly banned when she goes to post. Something along the lines of, 'You have been randomly banned for posting to Metatalk! This doesn't mean your complaint is not valid and your post will still be visible to other members. Enjoy the rest of the week!' This would prevent stupid, cryptic callouts, add a bit of game show suspense to the tedium, and, most importantly, combat this silly attitude that a single stupid post on the blue merits attention and hand wringing.
posted by nixerman at 12:06 PM on July 25, 2007 [4 favorites]

...he's making a statement that just because a post has a ton of links, it doesn't actually make it worthwhile if the subject matter has no redeeming value to begin with

Yeah, if I wanted to make a post satirizing EssayFilter, this is pretty much exactly what it would look like. My problem is actually not the particular subject matter though, it's that the linked material has obviously been a secondary consideration in putting together the post.
posted by teleskiving at 12:08 PM on July 25, 2007

why do supposed intellectuals feel that in order to remain credible, it's necessary for them to deride anything and everything revolving around celebrity or pop culture?

Well, then there's those of us that don't really give a flying fucked pig about their intellectual credibility and find themselves simply bored to fucking tears by the lack of complexity in both the art and the private lives of these overly pneumatic mock-idols.

No, really. I wish I wasn't so fucking smart. Dean Koontz would be readable, I could watch bad movies and participate in breathlessly giddy celebrity worship. Life would be sweet.

But, no, here I am with a brain the size of a planet and it just won't ever shut the fuck up unless I drown it in cheap hooch and smoke and an impressive array of coping and shunting mechanisms just to make it by, day by day, without destroying the goddamn Sun with my fucking mind.

Besides, Andy Warhol didn't worship at the altar of celebrity, you lumbering half-wit - he mocked the altar of celebrity and wanted to smash it and destroy it by raising everyone to celebrity status, no matter how banal.

Andy Warhol would have pissed in Lindsay Lohan's mouth, filmed it in super-8, printed out huge solarized prints and then he would have kicked her ass to the curb after getting bored with her. QE-motherfucking-D. (Warhol didn't like people who couldn't handle their drinks and drugs, y'know.)

HALLELUJAH!! I THINK I JUST SHAVED OFF 50 IQ POINTS READING THIS THREAD AND THAT THREAD. I DON'T HAVE TO DRINK MYSELF STUPID TODAY!!! WOAH. LINDSAY LOHAN HAS A FUNCTION. TO MAKE ME MORE STUPIDER.
posted by loquacious at 12:22 PM on July 25, 2007 [24 favorites]

I mostly just want to point out that everyone saying "this is crap we already know all about," might want to reflect a bit on why you know so much about crap.

I have a television, and sometimes I watch latenight talkshows. I have a car without a CD player and I listen to morning radio shows. I go to the grocery store, and I wait in line. I work in an office, where people talk about things in the break room. It's not at all hard to learn these things. I could try really hard to remain totally unaware of the most hackneyed, punchline-inducing examples of self-parodying celebritude, but honestly, it doesn't seem like I'm doing anything to learn about all this as it is.
posted by 23skidoo at 12:23 PM on July 25, 2007

loquacious: Just for today...it's ok: You may destroy the sun. Thx.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:27 PM on July 25, 2007

why do supposed intellectuals feel that in order to remain credible, it's necessary for them to deride anything and everything revolving around celebrity or pop culture?

Because it's retarded? I dunno. Because this bullshit gets waved in our collective faces like some multicolored wang that screams out "NOTICE ME!!!!!" Nobody is taking any high ground here that I can see. There are plenty of places we can get our pop culture fill. Not that I personally have a problem with the post since I'm able to skip shit that I don't care about but hey.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:27 PM on July 25, 2007

Dear loquacious,

Please don't destroy me with your mind.

TIA.

Your friend,

The Sun
posted by kosem at 12:29 PM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites]

But that's pretty close to what you said, so, hey.

I wasn't actually using my TERRIFYING MIND-PROJECTING TECHNIQUE (taught me by Grandmaster Loquacious) to ventriloquize your very thoughts (only because that particular technique has a tendency to vaporize the target mind, and MeFi needs your mind at full capacity), just suggesting a general frame of mind that I consider pernicious and that I see floating over the three-headed Moderating Monster like a smog cloud spawned from the industrial chimneys of hell. Don't take it to heart.

Not that it's going to matter after loq destroys the sun.
posted by languagehat at 12:48 PM on July 25, 2007

If ever there's a "zomg celebrity gossip!" story on mefi, at least this is one we can be proud of.

I understand the point, but it's essentially just padding the post with a ridiculous number of links. Does anyone really need to spend an hour reading about this nonsense?

The nice thing about a single-link "zomg celebrity gossip!" post (if there is anything nice about it) is that you spend about as much time on it as the story deserves: about 30 seconds.
posted by dhammond at 12:48 PM on July 25, 2007

I always figured the chief cosmic danger from you, loquacious, was self-absorption to the point of an actual event horizon forming.
posted by Wolfdog at 12:50 PM on July 25, 2007

Goddamn, I'd like to fuck them titties.


Sorry, what?
posted by klangklangston at 12:51 PM on July 25, 2007

I don't really care much either way about zomg celebrity posts or Iraqfilter, but I love the hell out of the ensuing MeTa callouts. It's tough to find high quality discourse about the banality of human existence and it's encouraging to see so much input how we might seek to curb it, one FPP at a time.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 12:51 PM on July 25, 2007

err perhaps "the banality of human existence as viewed through the frame of drunken celebrities"
posted by solipsophistocracy at 12:52 PM on July 25, 2007

WHODAT?
posted by klangklangston at 12:58 PM on July 25, 2007

lens not frame. God that sounds stupid. I wish someone with a stronger mind would just destroy the sun so I could freeze for my idiocy instead of coming off as a retard on the internet.
posted by solipsophistocracy at 1:01 PM on July 25, 2007

And guess what Lindsay is having for dinner tonight? Yep -- a "plate of beans!"
posted by ericb at 1:02 PM on July 25, 2007

I always figured the chief cosmic danger from you, loquacious, was self-absorption to the point of an actual event horizon forming.

No, the singularity formed years ago. Black-body radiation proceeds apace. It's just a little black hole - right where my heart should be. But it's well contained and doesn't pose as much as a threat as... oh, shit. I think I just got distracted and blew up Uranus.
posted by loquacious at 1:16 PM on July 25, 2007

And guess what Lindsay is having for dinner tonight? Yep -- a "plate of beans!"

Well, I hope she cuts this with some Strawberry Quik first. (Altho' the MeFi plate is a more law abiding form of toot than she's probably used to.)
posted by maryh at 1:16 PM on July 25, 2007

Just kidding, actually, it's important for each of us to know of her actions and whereabouts at all times, to avoid being run down by her drunken deathmobile.

This sounds like a blockbuster in the making, and I am fucking excited for it. She doesn't even have to clean up to star in it.
posted by invitapriore at 1:17 PM on July 25, 2007

*passes loquacious the bag of lead paint chips*
Oh, and here's the plate of bean dip.
posted by Floydd at 1:19 PM on July 25, 2007

My thoughts on first seeing that post were: a) gah, newsfilter; b) gaaaah, celebritynewsfilter!. We have a plethora of a) but b) posts don't often appear unless the original poster does a little digging about the subject so as to "flesh it out" as mathowie mentions upthread. I don't know if the pathetic and miserable "LiLo" is worth all the media attention on the one hand, but on the other, I see the post as a kind of collective cry from all of us - poor kid. Will she ever get it together and have a safe and sane life? As Mr. Lynsey opined, will she live to see 30? One hopes so, just as one hopes any young person gets his/her life together and is able to function without the substances and sycophants so prevalent in this case.
posted by Lynsey at 1:20 PM on July 25, 2007

Could we possibly get a lot of that content shoved into a [more inside]? I don't care about celebfilter, but it takes up a metric fuckton of front page space.
posted by graymouser at 1:23 PM on July 25, 2007

Whee!
posted by jefbla at 1:38 PM on July 25, 2007

graymouser, I tend to agree but at the moment it's actually not trivial to do so after the fact on the blue.
posted by cortex at 1:40 PM on July 25, 2007

I hope Lohan reads Metafilter, so she can hear our collective cry. Y'know, the one where we all have different ideas about her, and some of us don't even know who she is.
posted by 23skidoo at 1:46 PM on July 25, 2007

I have an idea: let's not take posts or categories of posts to MetaTalk anymore.

What do you guys think?
posted by anotherpanacea at 1:51 PM on July 25, 2007

Well, at least I get to be on the receiving end the youtube link in lieu of IMG tag to make light of a callout (a technique that I pioneered, mind you).
posted by Burhanistan at 1:52 PM on July 25, 2007

I have an idea: let's not take posts or categories of posts to MetaTalk anymore.

Well, then what is MetaTalk for then? Might as well just shut it off anyways.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:53 PM on July 25, 2007

Well honestly I think it's because it's stynxno, a cat who's put in his time establishing hisself as part of the community here, and cuz it's pretty thorough as these things go. I'm not complaining about a double standard here, I'm actually going on record in support of it. This ain't a democracy after all.

I am not interested in it, but others clearly are. Thus, Burhanistan, while I support your right to point the finger of incromulence at this post, I am not that bothered by it.
posted by Mister_A at 2:19 PM on July 25, 2007

Could I say "it" a little more?
posted by Mister_A at 2:20 PM on July 25, 2007

/me wants to favourite that languagehat comment until the Ajax breaks.

There are much better, and much better advertised, resources for these stories. Metafilter couldn’t provide anything new or insightful, even were the response not predestined to snark.
posted by Aidan Kehoe at 2:25 PM on July 25, 2007

...they feel better about "well researched" posts about LL than about y2karl's occasional Iraq posts

Actually I dislike them both about equally and for about the same reason.
posted by jessamyn at 2:30 PM on July 25, 2007

Yea, but every post on Metafilter comes from somewhere else- I believe that might even be the point.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:30 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

I've got this permanent image of Stynxno, Hollywood boy reporter, wearing a fedora with a "PRESS" tag hanging out of it, and his plucky sidekick The Pink Superhero running around all day, checking Gawker and Pinkisthenewblog for the hot leads.
posted by bardic at 2:40 PM on July 25, 2007 [3 favorites]

“But, no, here I am with a brain the size of a planet and it just won't ever shut the fuck up unless I drown it in cheap hooch and smoke and an impressive array of coping and shunting mechanisms just to make it by, day by day, without destroying the goddamn Sun with my fucking mind.”

Damn. Here I thought I was badass because if I don't carefully guard my thoughts, the immense power of my fucking mind causes Mackenzie Phillips to get a yeast infection.

Kinda puts it all into perspective.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 2:41 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

No, no, bardic, we hang around the bestest, snarkiest celebrity blog of all: OH NO THEY DIDN'T! Love it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:49 PM on July 25, 2007 [1 favorite]

Snarkier than Perez Hilton? Yowie. I didn't know such snarkiness existed.
posted by sneakin at 2:58 PM on July 25, 2007

Why?

Why not? It's just celeb gossipfilter (if they have to be in our face all the time, why not get some enjoyment?) : >
posted by amberglow at 3:14 PM on July 25, 2007

A bunch of beautiful young women, with everything money can buy and a lot of what it can't (yet), leading the lives that are held out by us for the entire rest of the planet to desire and pursue, are flagrantly destroying themselves as we all look on in helpless, bewildered horror.

I suppose they're not exactly corn-queens, but they must be being sacrificed for something, right?

I'd kinda like to know what it might mean.

Keep up the good work, Stynxno.
posted by jamjam at 3:35 PM on July 25, 2007

but they must be being sacrificed for something, right?

I'd kinda like to know what it might mean.

It means we have no shame.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:49 PM on July 25, 2007

tom cruise is a robot?

TOM CRUISE IS NOT A ROBOT!!!!

THE OLSON TWINS ARE NOT ROBOTS!!!

HOWEVER, THE OLSON TWINS WERE ONCE CLONED. COMBINING GENES FROM ORSON WELLS. SO THEY ARE NOW KNOWN AS "THE ORSON OLSEN TWINS" AND THEY MAKE GREAT FUCKING MOVIES THAT NOBODY WATCHES BUT STILL MAKE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS BUT ARE FAT WITH BEARDS!!!!


I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS TODAY!!!!



THAT IS ALL!!!!
posted by tkchrist at 3:49 PM on July 25, 2007 [4 favorites]

I like the new blown-gasket tkchrist.
posted by shmegegge at 3:52 PM on July 25, 2007 [2 favorites]

I just wanted to say that I watched Herbie tonight... and it was the worst thing I've seen since the finale of Seinfeld.
posted by chuckdarwin at 3:53 PM on July 25, 2007

But she was really good in Mean Girls. She's a capable actress, but it doesn't seem to really matter now. She's our generation's Shannon Doherty.

/single tear
posted by bardic at 4:46 PM on July 25, 2007

Meanwhile, at the Phillips residence...

M: Bijou, you can not do "Hostel III: The Germaning". You're better than that.
B: Oh, whatever, Mac. I know blockbuster horror films aren't as glamorous as, you know, "One Gay at a Slime", but I can make my own dec—OH MY GOD YOUR CROTCH!
M: Damn him! Damn him to hell! BLIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGHH!
posted by cortex at 4:49 PM on July 25, 2007

She's our generation's Shannon Doherty.

I thought Shannon Doherty was our generation's Shannon Doherty.
posted by jonmc at 4:52 PM on July 25, 2007

I thought Shannon Doherty was our generation's Shannon Doherty.

Get back on your lawn, old man!
posted by loquacious at 4:59 PM on July 25, 2007 [5 favorites]

I was in rehab.

They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no, no, no.
posted by scrump at 5:04 PM on July 25, 2007

I believe it's pretty well documented by now that the Olsen sisters are triplets: Mary, Kate, and Ashley.
posted by goodnewsfortheinsane at 5:29 PM on July 25, 2007

Get back on your lawn, old man!

I would but a bunch of teen starlets are doing snorting coke off eachothers bare buttocks on it.

(this is untrue. have a lawn)
posted by jonmc at 5:43 PM on July 25, 2007

(I don't have a lawn. Damn premature senility.)
posted by jonmc at 5:52 PM on July 25, 2007

The word "premature" looks astonishingly weird when it's used near a bunch of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen jokes.
posted by cgc373 at 6:05 PM on July 25, 2007

aaaand this is exactly why I click on that little metatalk link.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:12 PM on July 25, 2007

WHY NOT?
Is this something you have to be old enough to remember the original Steve Allen show to know about? Shut up and get off my lawn.
posted by wendell at 6:30 PM on July 25, 2007

Why?
posted by fandango_matt at 7:05 PM on July 25, 2007

Ah, thank you, Jessamyn!
posted by fandango_matt at 7:14 PM on July 25, 2007

Thank her? The witch overwrote my deletion reason! I got her back though.
posted by cortex at 7:17 PM on July 25, 2007

And I got your back cortex.
posted by Mister_A at 7:47 PM on July 25, 2007

Why?

Because he can, of course. What other reason is there?

As the apparent MeFi:MeTa ratio approaches 1, these call-outs get more and more ridiculous. Can't we all just get along?
posted by dg at 7:49 PM on July 25, 2007

THE INTERNET IS A CONSENSUAL MASS HALLUCINATION











or so I'm told
posted by Mister_A at 7:52 PM on July 25, 2007

The admins should mark a post like this as pre-approved so as to make clear that discussing it in metatalk is useless.
posted by jouke at 9:10 PM on July 25, 2007

tkchrist, will you PLEASE stop being so funny? i'm supposed to be too old, or too young, to pee myself.
posted by davy at 9:47 PM on July 25, 2007

a youtube link to a video of a cockroach humping a Rolex watch
hey, stop harshin on my posts, matteo
posted by madamjujujive at 10:29 PM on July 25, 2007

Hey, cool. I always wondered what Lindsay Lohan was famous for, other than being another Paris Hilton. I had heard that she was actually some kind of actress or something, but never cared enough to look her up on IMDB.

Now, thanks to a callout on a thread I completely missed, I find out that she made a bunch of movies & records that I would never in a million years even consider consuming. My vague suspicions conveniently confirmed, I can happily go on ignoring her.

Thanks, Burhanistan! :)
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:19 PM on July 25, 2007

Metatalk t-shirt: Andy Warhol pissed in my mouth and all I got was this stinkin' schadenfreude.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:19 PM on July 25, 2007

how many of you whiners produce real goods, and how many of you produce intellectual product? Guess what? Celebrity and entertainment is also part of the latter.

WHAT

THE

FUCK

FISHFUCKER?

That would have to be the most illogical rant I've read in decades. I'll try to break down what I think you're saying into a neat little syllogism, just so we can be clear on what exactly you are arguing.

Here goes:

* Some people here produce intellectual property
(implied: therefore they value the intellectual property that they produce)

* Celebrity and entertainment is part of intellectual property

* therefore, some people here produce celebrity & entertainment. no, that doesn't follow. - ah! i need to add another premise:

* all intellectual property is of identical value

* therefore, the IP that some people here produce is exactly equal to celebrity & entertainment in value

* therefore, they cannot criticise celebrity & entertainment without being hypocrites

* therefore, other people here who do not produce IP cannot criticise celebrity & entertainment without being hypocrites

That was tougher than I thought. Can anybody explain why such a pigswill of nonsense was so widely applauded?
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:23 AM on July 26, 2007 [4 favorites]

Besides, Andy Warhol didn't worship at the altar of celebrity, you lumbering half-wit - he mocked the altar of celebrity and wanted to smash it and destroy it by raising everyone to celebrity status, no matter how banal.

Would that be the same Andy Warhol who spent all his evenings hanging out at Studio 54 with Bianca Jagger and Lisa Minelli?

Metatalk: pissing in your mouth, so hard!
posted by PeterMcDermott at 1:03 AM on July 26, 2007

Can anybody explain why such a pigswill of nonsense was so widely applauded?
Because people idolise celebrities - even very modestly talented celebrities - so much that they champion any statement that would rationalise their illogical obsession.
posted by chuckdarwin at 1:31 AM on July 26, 2007

THEY NEED TO DO WAY INSTAIN POSTER.

WHO KILL THEIR FPPS, BECAUSE THESE FPPS CAN'T FRIGTH BACK?

IT WAS ON THE NEWS THIS MROING. A STYNXNO IN MEFI, WHO KILLED HIS FPP. THEY ARE TAKING TPS' LITTLE DOG BACK TO NEW YORK TO LADY TO REST.

MY FOLLOWUPS ARE IN META; I AM TRULEY SORRY FOR YOUR LOTS.
posted by ikkyu2 at 2:52 AM on July 26, 2007 [5 favorites]

Because people idolise celebrities

I don't think that's true. If it were, all that you would see would be the glossy pr jobs that have complete star approval. In reality, the stuff that sells most and best is the stuff that obsessively pursues the stars making absolute dicks of themselves. You can triangulate this theory by looking at the prices that photo agencies pay the paps for their efforts.

- A posed pic of Britney at home, smiling nicely, make-up all fresh: value = $2.25
- A pap shot of Britney hitting the clubs, drunk, wired on coke, piss-flaps akimbo and on display to the world while a child molester babysits her children = $2.25trillion

So we might be obsessed by them, but I think we all know that they have feet of clay.
posted by PeterMcDermott at 3:12 AM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

well, all celeb goss mag articles can be broken down into the following:

* star gains weight
* star loses weight
* star finds fancy new partner
* star cheats on partner with fancy new fling
* star couple breaks up
* star might be pregnant
* star goes off the rails on drugs & alcohol
* star looks good
* star looks bad
* star gets married
* star gets divorced
* star has baby (or, perhaps buys a coloured one)

these are all the great themes of life, only enacted by a pantheon of people probably richer & more attractive than you or i.

the obsession is in the projection. the feet of clay humanise them for us, but it's not totally unlike the greek or hindu gods enacting our day-to-day dramas, but on a hyperreal stage.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:02 AM on July 26, 2007

Metafilter : Pissflaps Akimbo

I've always wanted to do that.
posted by longbaugh at 5:35 AM on July 26, 2007

First, Stynxno is awesome.

Secondly, Plate of Beans; it's just a pretty well-backed-up post about a thing that's going on right now.

Thirdly, Lindsay is cute (as is, as someone upthread mentioned, Scarlett).

Fourthly, I guess we're only allowed to post about THE WAR from now on, because it's the only thing in the world right now worth talking about. (It is really important to continue to address this war, but "WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE WHEN THERE A WAR GOING ON" is really stupid. I understand the sentiment that we are all caught up with panem et circenses, but there's room for everything in my life-- one minute I'm on ONTD, the next I'm looking at The Guardian. It's okay to give some room to each.

There should be, but is no fifthly.
posted by exlotuseater at 6:01 AM on July 26, 2007

I find out that she made a bunch of movies & records that I would never in a million years even consider consuming.

"Mean Girls" and "A Prairie Home Companion" may not be the absolute best movies EVER, but I'm not sure I could fully trust the instincts of a person who would never touch them in a million years.
posted by hermitosis at 6:38 AM on July 26, 2007

Mean Girls was a smart little comedy with some noteworthy writing from Ms Fey. (85 on RT)

A Prarie Home Companion was a decent Altman flick in which she had a tiny, tiny part. (80 on RT)

OK. She's been in exactly two decent films. It's sad that there probably won't be a third, but that still doesn't offset that mammoth amount of press coverage given to her every movement.
posted by chuckdarwin at 6:56 AM on July 26, 2007

Don't worry--they'll be a 3rd and 4th and 5th, etc....she's so famous --and infamous-- now that she always be hired by someone. Paris Hilton is still on tv, in her 4th?5th? version of that stupid show, after all.
posted by amberglow at 7:44 AM on July 26, 2007

(oop--there'll)
posted by amberglow at 7:44 AM on July 26, 2007

I think Ms. Lohan's right nipple is just divine.
posted by davy at 8:19 AM on July 26, 2007

I can't believe that out of 170+ comments, no one has mentioned that the redeeming feature of the post is the revelation that some rehab centers have bars!
posted by TedW at 8:22 AM on July 26, 2007

Yeah, that's super weird. I guess they're proponents of harm reduction, rather than total abstinence from drugs and alcohol. I wonder if they let you do drugs, too (provided, of course, that it's not the specific substance that you entered rehab for [because, clearly, that would be ridiculous]).
posted by solipsophistocracy at 8:43 AM on July 26, 2007

But Lohan, Spears, Downey et al show that what it adds up to is hypercompetition, insecurity, no privacy, a snarking public, and your every foible exposed to the world as entertainment.

For the rest of us, there's Metafilter.

Why?
posted by octobersurprise at 8:51 AM on July 26, 2007

Psst. That site is a parody.
posted by gleuschk at 8:52 AM on July 26, 2007

"Actually I dislike them both about equally and for about the same reason."
Gosh, I'm so sick of hearing about this war thing and people dying and stuff.
How fucking pathetic you are.
posted by 2sheets at 9:48 AM on July 26, 2007

She's been in exactly two decent films.

Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen isn't at all bad either. Freaky Friday is entertaining enough and Lohan's song "Ultimate" on the soundtrack is actually pretty bloody wonderful. The Parent Trap has its charms.

Herbie Fully Loaded is a masterpiece of bending the premise whever needed so they can just get the film made and go home early. Just My Luck deserves some sort of prize for having exactly zero charming, amusing or interesting moments. Life Size makes no bloody sense, but ends with a dead good dance sequence during the credits. Embarassingly I haven't seen anything else she's done.

Her first LP is excellent, her second is a bit of a mess but has a couple of good tracks.
posted by cillit bang at 10:10 AM on July 26, 2007

2sheets: How fucking pathetic you are.

Uhm, did a mod piss in your cornflakes this week or something?
posted by Stan Chin at 10:17 AM on July 26, 2007

How fucking pathetic you are.

I think you either need to raise the bar a little for what you consider fucking pathetic or possibly go take a nap.
posted by jessamyn at 11:16 AM on July 26, 2007

That guy is too funny.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:30 AM on July 26, 2007

“How fucking pathetic you are.”

There's a difference between being informed and caring about an upsetting issue yet rationing one's attention to it, and simply being uncaring and apathetic. Some people don't understand this.

The thing that really upsets me about 2sheets's comment and all those like it are that if I really believed that these people on MeFi were actually uncaring and apathetic and thought that cat videos were more worth their time than Iraq war news, then I'd be sympathetic. But the truth is that I doubt this is true of any of the people so accused. And so it's a kind of slander. It's a serious moral accusation, it's actually pretty hateful for that reason, and it's made recklessly and with great, and deeply inappropriate, contempt. It's really wrong and it makes me want to hit someone because it's so wrong and so reckless.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:38 AM on July 26, 2007

it makes me want to hit someone

Give in to your anger, EB. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.
posted by kosem at 11:44 AM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Here's a proposed rewrite of the notice on the New Post page:

Found something cool on the web and want to share it with everyone else? Great! Just fill the blanks and it'll go live. A sample link is shown below. If this is your first post, please read the guidelines. Also, if you aren't posting about Iraq or an important political issue, please stop and reassess whether it's really appropriate to be making such posts when people are dying every day, and consider whether you can post instead about war or politics. Links to trivial, "fun" content, while not strictly forbidden, are discouraged and may be better suited for your own personal blog.

posted by brain_drain at 11:49 AM on July 26, 2007

What is this "war" you speak of? Is it good or ill? If good, what is it good for?
posted by Mister_A at 11:50 AM on July 26, 2007

Good God, ya'll!!!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 11:52 AM on July 26, 2007

I wonder if they let you do drugs, too provided, of course, that it's not the specific substance that you entered rehab for [because, clearly, that would be ridiculous].

Not so ridiculous, actually. During the 70's and even into the 80's, many rehabs that weren't explicitly based upon 12 step principles would have something called 'drinking privileges', whereby heroin addicts would be allowed to go out to the pub and have a few pints, provided they drank in a moderate and responsible manner. Phoenix House definitely allowed residents to do this.

There is also a great deal of support in the literature in support of controlled drinking. Check out Sobell and Sobell's discussion of the issue, in the British Journal of Addiction, sometime during the mid-90's.

Even AA itself says that the inability to drink again isn't something that is extensible to everyone. Rather, it applies to a particular type of addict -- one that fits their definition of somebody who is suffering from their 'spiritual malaise'. The Big Book actually suggests that if you think you might not fit that definition, you should go out and try to drink in a controlled manner. It's only when you keep on trying and failing that you will need AA.

Alex DeLuca has a very good discussion of the topic here:

http://www.doctordeluca.com/wordpress/index.php/controlled-drinking-debates/
posted by PeterMcDermott at 11:57 AM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

“Give in to your anger, EB. With each passing moment you make yourself more my servant.”

It's certainly contradictory to want to hit someone for being hateful. But it's a pretty natural response.

There's hardly a more serious accusation you can make against another person than to imply that they are so morally bankrupt that they don't care about a war where thousands of people are dying. I know that this isn't true of anyone at MeFi. It really angers me that people can so casually, yet so contemptuously, make this accusation. I can't think of a person here on MeFi that I have even the tiniest doubt that such an accusation against them has ever been true. Certainly not jessamyn.

Such people exist. But they're not here in these MeTa threads where these accusations are thrown around so recklessly.

Yes, I recognize the reference.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:57 AM on July 26, 2007

Gosh, I'm so sick of hearing about this war thing and people dying and stuff.
How fucking pathetic you are.

I can't wait for the day, and it may well be coming, when the veneer of Jobian patience cracks and jessamyn flips the fuck out, unsheaths the banhammer and smashes one of the monochrome library terminals nearby and points it at the final unlucky whiny motherfucker who crossed her for the last time, like Michael Keaton confronting Jack Nicholson by the fireplace in Batman.

YOU WANNA GET NUTS?? C'MON! LET'S GET NUTS!
posted by kosem at 12:03 PM on July 26, 2007

Jesus christ, 2sheets.
posted by cortex at 12:04 PM on July 26, 2007

It's only when you keep on trying and failing that you will need AA.

I'm busy, bugger off.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 12:19 PM on July 26, 2007

Just to extend the AA derail, Vivitrol is a treatment for alcoholism. It won FDA approval by demonstrating, in essence, that patients were less likely to drink to dangerous excess after receiving Vivitro injections. Abstinence figures with Vivitrol are firmly "meh", but it seems to work alright from a harm reduction standpoint.
posted by Mister_A at 12:26 PM on July 26, 2007

cillit bang's knowledge of the Lindsay Lohan canon highly impresses me. ::tips hat::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:32 PM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Uhm, did a mod piss in your cornflakes this week or something?

Andy Warhol's Metafilter
Directed by mathowie
Screenplay by jessamyn
Edited by cortex.

SCENE 1.

A muscular STYXNO is lying naked on a tatty old sofa in a loft in Manhattan, cooking up his daily fix of Lyndsay Lohan.

MISS BURHANISTAN enters the room.

MISS BURHANISTAN

I thought we agreed we were gonna stop using that stuff, baby?

STYXNO

Look honey, I'm just a hustler, OK? I'm hooked and I'm hooked bad.
I promise though, once I've got through the week, I'll start reducing.

MISS BURHANISTAN

I can help you through this, baby. Look, let me just blow you, then
you'll forget all about the stuff.

STYXNO

Honey, I'm hooked so bad I can't even get it up. Just let me get my fix
and I'll be fine.

MISS BURHANISTAN FRANTICALLY SUCKS ON STYXNO'S FLACCID PENIS,
BUT TO NO EFFECT. E! FINALLY ENDS, AND STYXNO SINKS INTO A DEEP
NOD.

ANOTHER MAN ENTERS, NAKED EXCEPT FOR A PAIR OF CHAPS AND A
LASSO.

LONESOME COWBOY JONMC

Forget about that loser, baby. It's time you hooked up with a real man.

MISS BURHANISTAN

It's so exhausting, living with a gossip addict. They strip everything from
you. Your money, your self esteem, your posting privileges...

LONESOME COWBOY JONMC

You need to be treated like the lady that you are. Let me build a camp
fire and I'll rustle us up a nice plate of beans while we think about what
we're gonna do next.

As LONESOME COWBOY JONMC rustles up the beans, FISHFUCKER
comes in from out of the bedroom.

FISHFUCKER

Could anyone be interested in golden showers?

MISS BURHANISTAN (looking bored)

Man, piss was so 1960's. This is the seventies, so get with the program.
The last thing I want to do is soak my Halston dress. What would they
say around at Studio 54, if I turned up all coked up and soaked in piss?

LONESOME COWBOY JONMC

Yeah, if this was the sixties, we wouldn't even be talking. The camera
would just be focused on my erect cock for seven hours.

2SHEETS

You bastards are just pathetic.

STYXNO

Where did that guy come from? I don't remember him at rehearsals?

FISHFUCKER

Open your mouth for a moment, 2sheets

As 2SHEETS does so, a large arc of golden fluid appears from off camera,
catching 2SHEETS squarely in his mouth. He's far too surprised to even
close his mouth.

FISHFUCKE|R

So hard...

FADE TO BLACK
posted by PeterMcDermott at 12:40 PM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

(it's stynxno, not styxno. there's an n before the x)
posted by Stynxno at 12:45 PM on July 26, 2007

Weirdest mefi script ever.
posted by cortex at 12:50 PM on July 26, 2007

No kidding.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:50 PM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

you twits.
posted by Stynxno at 12:50 PM on July 26, 2007

^ i meant to call people who spell my name wrong twits. stupid preview.
posted by Stynxno at 12:51 PM on July 26, 2007

I liked my script better.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 1:17 PM on July 26, 2007

Yeah, that was so out there that my face didn't even bother to contort. I'm not a miss, but thanks for trying.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:25 PM on July 26, 2007

I give it one thumb down and one thumb up the butt.
posted by Mister_A at 1:31 PM on July 26, 2007

Yeah, that was so out there that my face didn't even bother to contort. I'm not a miss, but thanks for trying.

I wish you were. That'd be hot. I'd totally go out with you.
posted by loquacious at 1:34 PM on July 26, 2007

I think we have a new candidate for the Metafilter Creepy Stalker award.
posted by shmegegge at 2:44 PM on July 26, 2007

Less hypothetical macking and more Sun destroying, pls.
posted by Burhanistan at 3:02 PM on July 26, 2007

Who won it last year?
posted by Mister_A at 3:02 PM on July 26, 2007

That was you, Mister_A.
posted by shmegegge at 3:13 PM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Mean Girls has a tomatometer rating of 85? OK, maybe that can go on the to-do list.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:58 PM on July 26, 2007

It's certainly contradictory to want to hit someone for being hateful. But it's a pretty natural response.

It's not natural or normal. It's called "reaction formation," and it's one of the neurotic defense mechanisms, which makes it more pathological than the mature and immature defenses, and slightly less so than the psychotic ones.
posted by ikkyu2 at 5:38 PM on July 26, 2007

*hits ikkyu2*

It can also be ironic, which is the funnest one!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:56 PM on July 26, 2007

Mean Girls is not a bad flick.
posted by Burhanistan at 7:31 PM on July 26, 2007

* hits Burhanistan

(just for the hell of it)
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:55 PM on July 26, 2007

Well, then what is MetaTalk for then?

MEETUPS! And the oral sex.
posted by terrapin at 8:29 PM on July 26, 2007

And the crushing guilt.
posted by Burhanistan at 8:33 PM on July 26, 2007

“It's not natural or normal. It's called "reaction formation," and it's one of the neurotic defense mechanisms, which makes it more pathological than the mature and immature defenses, and slightly less so than the psychotic ones.”

Sometimes you're a spectacular idiot. Unfortunately, as a physician, you're completely oblivious to this personality defect in yourself.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 8:36 PM on July 26, 2007

Unfortunately, as a physician, you're completely oblivious to this personality defect in yourself.

That's called denial. It is the longest river in the world!
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:00 PM on July 26, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ah, yes. I remember wallowing in de Nial a while back, but I eventually pulled myself out of it.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:11 PM on July 26, 2007

It's called "reaction formation,"
That's called denial.

Gosh, doctors have names for everything: nameologists, M I RITE?
posted by anotherpanacea at 11:48 AM on July 27, 2007

Yes, sort of how they say that the cause of an illness is idiopathic.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 12:04 PM on July 27, 2007

Go beyond the names and the named into the undifferentiated bliss of now.
posted by Burhanistan at 1:17 PM on July 27, 2007

When the MeFite UbuRoivas
Was Coursing in the Deep Prajna Matafilta
He Perceived That All Seven Subsites Are Empty
Thus He Overcame All Ills and Suffering.

Oh, Burhanistan, Form Does not Differ From the Void,
And the Void Does Not Differ From Form.
Form is Void and Void is Form;
The Same is True For Blue,
Green, Grey and Miscellaneous.

Burhanistan, the Characteristics of the
Voidness of All Posts
Are Non-Arising, Non-Ceasing, Non-Defiled,
Non-Pure, Non-Increasing, Non-Decreasing.

Therefore, in the Site There Are No Forms,
No Feelings, Perceptions, Volitions or Consciousness.

No Post, Comment, Favourite, Flag, Callout or Snark;
No Tag, Flameout, Deletion, Lolcat, Wikipedia or Mushroom Object;
No Realm of the YouTube,
Until We Come to No realm of Consciousness.

No ignorance and Also No Ending of Ignorance,
Until We Come to No Moderation and Cabal and
No Ending of Moderation and Cabal.

Also, There is No Truth of Commenting,
Of the Cause of Commenting,
Of the Cessation of Commenting, Nor of the Webs.

There is No Wisdom, and There is No Attainment Whatsoever.

Because There is Nothing to Be Attained,
The MeFite Relying On Prajna Matafilta Has
No Obstruction in His Mind.

Because There is No Obstruction, He Has no Fear,
And He passes Far Beyond Confused Imagination.

And Reaches Ultimate Procrastination.

The MeFites of the Past, Present and Future,
By Relying on Prajna Matafilta
Have Attained Supreme Pointlessness.

Therefore, the Prajna Matafilta is the Great Magic Spell,
The Spell of Illumination, the Supreme Spell,
Which Can Truly Protect One From All Flameouts Without Fail.

Therefore He Uttered the Spell of Prajnamatafilta,
Saying Ubu, Ubu, Paratubu, Parasamgubu, Mefi Svaha.
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:48 PM on July 27, 2007 [3 favorites]

Not a bad adaptation, akhi.
posted by Burhanistan at 4:38 PM on July 27, 2007

shukran jazeelan.

(altho i was a bit annoyed - just after posting - not to have used Paratubu Paratubgubu...)
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:48 PM on July 27, 2007