Lost Another One To The Fark Side

August 16, 2007 11:55 AM

Perhaps he isn't "Metafilter's own" asavage any more?
posted by mr_crash_davis to MetaFilter-related at 11:55 AM (117 comments total)

Dude he listed two MetaFilter sites in his top ten, separately, I think that's fairly awesome.
posted by jessamyn at 11:59 AM on August 16, 2007

Two slots, baby. Two effin' slots. He loves us in both holes.
posted by cortex at 12:00 PM on August 16, 2007 [44 favorites]

jesus, cortex.
posted by jessamyn at 12:03 PM on August 16, 2007 [10 favorites]

Metaphorically speaking.
posted by cortex at 12:04 PM on August 16, 2007 [5 favorites]

Discuss amongst yourselves.
posted by Burhanistan at 12:09 PM on August 16, 2007

At least he isn't defecting to Something Awful.

(C'mon, cortex, the modern lover recognizes three holes).
posted by klangklangston at 12:13 PM on August 16, 2007 [4 favorites]

the modern lover recognizes three holes

More if you're counting nostrils separately.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 12:20 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

So you're upset we're not number one? C'mon, crash; like you've never been seen around fark before.
posted by yhbc at 12:24 PM on August 16, 2007

I've got an idea; lets all see how many times we can say "c'mon" in this thread. C'mon, it'll be fun.
posted by yhbc at 12:27 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

C'mon klang, tell them where you work.
posted by jessamyn at 12:29 PM on August 16, 2007

Two slots, baby. Two effin' slots. He loves us in both holes.

Note that if we consider the new travel section, it takes an octopus to give Metafilter the love it needs and deserves.
posted by Krrrlson at 12:32 PM on August 16, 2007 [6 favorites]

Just curious, why am I just "Meatbomb" and not "MeFi's own Meatbomb"? I think I've made a much more serious commitment to this place than this Mr. Savage bozo.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:34 PM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

It's fear Meatbomb - we have no hole large enough to accommodate you.
posted by Abiezer at 12:38 PM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

C'mon, everybody defecates to Something Awful now and again.
posted by Mister_A at 12:43 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

C'mon my two slots.
posted by Greg Nog at 12:46 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Oh does that guy from Mythbusters post here?

I totally did not know that.
posted by fishfucker at 12:50 PM on August 16, 2007 [4 favorites]

All I get is

10) O'Grady's power page
9)

(Yes, nothing but the icon for #9 shows up, and nothing else for the other 8)
posted by delmoi at 12:50 PM on August 16, 2007

I've got an idea; lets all see how many times we can say "c'mon" in this thread. C'mon, it'll be fun.

Have I got a song for you...
posted by COBRA! at 12:51 PM on August 16, 2007

I just saw him in Ever Since the World Ended (an excellent, excellent movie, by the way), and I kept thinking of him as "mefi's own."
posted by OmieWise at 12:53 PM on August 16, 2007

delmoi, you need to click on the 9, then basically keep clicking around.
posted by djgh at 12:57 PM on August 16, 2007

I put the full pic up in case people can't figure out the clicking part.
posted by jessamyn at 12:59 PM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I bet Jamie has an account here, as, like "Jetpack_302", or something, and he totally hates on adam for getting all the recognition, but doesn't want to open a new account because "Jetpack_302" has so many favorited comments.
posted by boo_radley at 1:01 PM on August 16, 2007 [7 favorites]

you need to click on the 9, then basically keep clicking around

That's annoying as hell.
posted by InfidelZombie at 1:07 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

jesus, cortex.

Yeah, dude, I think you're thinking of MySpace's own Herschel Savage.
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 1:10 PM on August 16, 2007

Shrug. It's an open relationship.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:18 PM on August 16, 2007

djgh: "delmoi, you need to click on the 9, then basically keep clicking around."

The page just freezes up firefox completely for me. I had to kill the browser and restart it. Damn you Adam Savage!
posted by octothorpe at 1:22 PM on August 16, 2007

jesus, cortex.

Not that I've met any of the admins but for some reason I always thought that cortex was the rude one...
posted by ob at 1:28 PM on August 16, 2007

in a parallel universe, we'd be saying:

"cortex, jesus."
posted by ORthey at 1:41 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

(Yes, nothing but the icon for #9 shows up, and nothing else for the other 8)
posted by delmoi

You fail at the internet.
posted by justgary at 1:43 PM on August 16, 2007

I agree two of the top ten is pretty fucking cool, but everytime I see the address fark.com it takes me back to that one moment of weakness, born from curiosity.

If it was just a phase, how come, it haunts me so much?
posted by Samuel Farrow at 1:52 PM on August 16, 2007

jesus cortex
posted by cortex at 2:00 PM on August 16, 2007

you need to click on the 9, then basically keep clicking around
Well, that's just fucking stupid. And trust me, I know stupid.

mr_crash_davis, I think your expectations may be too high - we're number 3 and 4. I think a 3 and a 4 beats a 1 anytime.
posted by dg at 2:00 PM on August 16, 2007

Is this affecting the rate of signups at all?
posted by ODiV at 2:01 PM on August 16, 2007

fark.com it takes me back to that one moment of weakness, born from curiosity.

C'mon, Samuel Farrow. Fark's not the worst place on the web.

Or, anyway, it didn't use to be the worst place on the web. I can't comment on what it's like these days with any authority, though.

I suspect I should be a little embarrassed, however, by the fact that my fark user number is lower than my metafilter user number...
posted by dersins at 2:06 PM on August 16, 2007

Reading through this thread, I'm recognizing way more than three holes.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:12 PM on August 16, 2007 [5 favorites]

jesus cortex
posted by DaShiv at 2:18 PM on August 16, 2007

The rule I follow for my MeFi existence is:

WWCD?
posted by djgh at 2:24 PM on August 16, 2007

I think we could all learn something from the fact that MetaTalk did not make the list.
posted by davey_darling at 2:27 PM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

jesus, cortex.

Come on, we all know the correct phrasing is JESUS HAROLD CHRIST ON A FUCKING RUBBER CRUTCH!

Signed, Metafilter's own,
posted by Devils Rancher at 2:32 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

/me yawns
posted by Stynxno at 2:33 PM on August 16, 2007

Is this affecting the rate of signups at all?

Now's the time to jack up the price to $20, let's all meet at www.metafilter2.com and split the profits.

Naturally, I want 50% for coming up with the idea.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 3:03 PM on August 16, 2007

It's not so much that MeFi isn't number one, but it's below Slashdot. That's just insulting. And Gizmodo, daily? Really?
posted by doctor_negative at 3:07 PM on August 16, 2007

Sorry, I keep getting him confused with Fred Savage, Dan Savage, Michael Savage (Weiner), Macho Man Randy Savage, Andy Savage, Doc Savage, Charlie Savage, Terry Savage, Matt Savage, Dr. Sue Savage-Rumbaugh of the Great Ape Trust, Savage Steve Holland, Samuel Johnson's The Life of Savage, Savage Garden, Savage Monsters and Savage Chickens, Savage Earth and Savage Seas, Savage, Minnesota (and its Savage Chamber)... and the previously mentioned Herschel . Couldn't he change his name to something more unique, like Shatner or Millard?
posted by wendell at 3:14 PM on August 16, 2007

"I think a 3 and a 4 beats a 1 anytime."

That reminds me of the Carlin bit:

"I never fucked a ten, but one night I fucked five twos."
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:15 PM on August 16, 2007 [2 favorites]

I'd like to see some of the other Mythbusters get accounts here. Somehow I suspect that Grant would fit right in.

And yay for Mefi, the site so nice he picked us twice.

*slaps self*

No rhyming!
posted by quin at 3:17 PM on August 16, 2007

wendell, you're purposefully ignoring Wendell Savage, aren't you?
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:18 PM on August 16, 2007

The dude was King of the Mermaid Parade.
posted by yeti at 3:19 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Wouldn't it be nice and all internet-like if you could actually click on one of those Top 10 items and go to the site?
posted by ml98tu at 3:36 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Great idea, ml. Now all we need is a catchy name.
posted by box at 3:39 PM on August 16, 2007

mr_crash_davis! Our most famous double-agent! You may not want to post things like this. It could blow your cover!
posted by The Deej at 3:43 PM on August 16, 2007

textilinx. clickythroughs. oota-goota-solo's.
posted by yeti at 3:52 PM on August 16, 2007

"in a parallel universe, we'd be saying:

"cortex, jesus.""

Sweet zombie cortex!
posted by EndsOfInvention at 3:57 PM on August 16, 2007

I'd be a little shocked if MeFi was on Michael Savage's list of favorite sites.
posted by clevershark at 4:06 PM on August 16, 2007

clearly designed by a usability expert.
posted by quonsar at 4:06 PM on August 16, 2007

Don't forget that #7 site growabrain belongs to MetaFilter's own.......growabrain.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 4:10 PM on August 16, 2007

"More if you're counting nostrils separately."

That's a post-modern lover.

And c'mon, Jessamyn, isn't it enough that I'm posting from work (desk piled high with the attendant detritus of pornography)?
posted by klangklangston at 4:22 PM on August 16, 2007

cortex: "Two slots, baby. Two effin' slots. He loves us in both holes."

jessamyn: "jesus, cortex."

Always remember; Jesus loves you in both holes.
posted by Effigy2000 at 4:28 PM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

I want my ring back.
posted by Astro Zombie at 4:33 PM on August 16, 2007

It says "10 sites Adam Savage visits daily" - nowhere does it say "in order of importance." It may not be prioritized - it may simply be "10 sites Adam Savage visits every day."
posted by madamjujujive at 4:52 PM on August 16, 2007

Always remember; Jesus loves you in both holes.

That's just because he's drunk and it keeps slipping in there.
posted by felix betachat at 4:56 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

If this guy was really cool his login would be asssavage.
posted by Kraftmatic Adjustable Cheese at 5:07 PM on August 16, 2007

jesus has a few more holes, actually. Octopus time for sure.
posted by jessamyn at 5:11 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I sort of expected a bunch of people to stand up and say "I am Jamie from Mythbusters" after this comment.

On an unrelated note, I am Jamie from Mythbusters.
No, ME.
NO, ME.
posted by tehloki at 5:15 PM on August 16, 2007

I am Spartacus!

Crap, I think I fucked that up...
posted by quin at 5:20 PM on August 16, 2007

jesus has a few more holes, actually. Octopus time for sure.

I'm not clicking on that link. Last time I did that some guy was fuckin' a chicken!
posted by ericb at 5:31 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

The guy in the the $4,000 suit cares what asavage thinks of this website? C'mon!
posted by mullacc at 5:33 PM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

"That's just because he's drunk and it keeps slipping in there."

Dude, that's just what you say; it never just "slips in there."
posted by klangklangston at 5:43 PM on August 16, 2007

mr_crash, did you click on the "website" link for that directory listing for Wendell Savage?

As we passed a whole regiment has been a beach in houses of life and movements. The latter party was one of the Alps, which was thought necessary to accustom them to use for clothes, as they handled the'Caroline' can put them on the earth, the country'west of the day advanced, and called her to do anything but houses short beach of destin, she observed: Mr. I have understood that, at least; my hand possible, he added, an excellent colour.

If I could write gibberish of that quality, I'd have a job with the White House Press Office.

The REAL Wendell Savage was the 1973 Illinois State Seniors Horseshoes Champion and named to the Illinois Horseshoes Hall of Fame in 1996.

And let's not even begin to deal with the REAL Crash Davis.
posted by wendell at 5:55 PM on August 16, 2007

cortex writes: Two slots, baby. Two effin' slots. He loves us in both holes.

Yeah, but where's MeFi Music? He don't love us in our earholes, now, does he?

jessamyn writes: I put the full pic up in case people can't figure out the clicking part.

A bluegrass band instantly appeared in my head, harmonizing (in that keening, nasal style, backed up by banjo, guitar and mandolin) the following song :

THE CLICKING PART

can't figure out the clicking part
or keep my apples in my cart
honey, show me where to start
to figure out the clicking part

i try to get my mouse to work
cause i would rather post than lurk
but i wind up looking like a jerk
can't get this god-derned mouse to work

(bridge):

darlin' I am certain
that I could win your heart
if i could only get the hang
of this here clicking paaaaaarrt....

i'm going to the bar tonight
and drink about a quart
i'm gonna drown my sorrows
can't get that clicking part

and on my gravestone won't you carve
in fine stonemason's art
"friends he tried his best you know
to get that clicking part"

to geeeeeet
that clickiiiiiiing
paaaaaaaaaaarrrrrt!

copyright 2007 flapjax media industries inc.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 6:16 PM on August 16, 2007 [5 favorites]

it takes an octopus to give Metafilter the love it need

MetaTentacle Porn!
posted by Mick at 6:25 PM on August 16, 2007

Jesus Cortex.
posted by fandango_matt at 6:32 PM on August 16, 2007

Whoops. Here.
posted by fandango_matt at 6:41 PM on August 16, 2007 [12 favorites]

I'm not clicking on that link. Last time I did that some guy was fuckin' a chicken!

I wasn't gonna but then you sorta double dared me with that comment and it was totally worth it!
posted by TwoWordReview at 7:01 PM on August 16, 2007

The Grow-a-Brain one is really the most impressive to me. If Mefi ever folds that's pretty much taking over first on my While I Caffeinate In The Morning list.

And, honestly, if you stay out of the comments Fark ain't so bad. Sometimes you feel like a post telling you how much you suck because of what it says on your passport, or because of your favorite porn-box making company, or because of your choice in portable telephonic devices, or maybe you want to circumcize your cat, or that you're not helping to save the world because you posted a YouTube clip. Of course, some days all you have time for is a +1 headline. And I've seen some of your usernames whilst quick-scrolling through the comments for amusing images at Fark, so I know you're there too.
posted by Cyrano at 7:46 PM on August 16, 2007

SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:51 PM on August 16, 2007

Christ, how many more Jesi Cortices are going to get linked to in this thread?
posted by Jon Mitchell at 8:04 PM on August 16, 2007

Savage Grace?

Savage Steel?

Nasty Savage?
posted by The Straightener at 8:07 PM on August 16, 2007

Excellent work as usual, fandango_matt.
posted by Devils Rancher at 8:12 PM on August 16, 2007

jesus cortex
posted by yeti at 8:12 PM on August 16, 2007

I wish I could favourite that a brazillion times, fandango_matt.
posted by deborah at 8:18 PM on August 16, 2007

I had a teacher in college who mentioned that the way his health teacher in high school told the horny boys to cool down was to think that woman have 9 holes and they are oozing out of every one of them. Cortex was being generous when he only wanted to stick in two of our holes.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 10:11 PM on August 16, 2007

Christ, fandango_matt, that's one of the best and worst things I've ever seen in my life. Well done.
posted by cortex at 10:31 PM on August 16, 2007

this thread is needlessly anti-Christian and should be deleted
posted by matteo at 10:31 PM on August 16, 2007

The Grow-a-Brain one is really the most impressive to me. If Mefi ever folds that's pretty much taking over first on my While I Caffeinate In The Morning list.

Cyrano, you know that Grow-a-Brain site is run by "Mefi's Own" growabrain, yes?
posted by jonson at 10:55 PM on August 16, 2007

InfidelZombie writes "That's annoying as hell."

And it makes noise. I knew there was a reason Discovery was on my permanent ban list.
posted by Mitheral at 11:11 PM on August 16, 2007

Hey, if we keep having arguments about how many holes to count, we'll be Fark soon enough!
posted by blacklite at 11:32 PM on August 16, 2007

The Deej: "mr_crash_davis! Our most famous double-agent! You may not want to post things like this. It could blow your cover!"

YOU BLEW MAH COVAH!
posted by Effigy2000 at 12:23 AM on August 17, 2007

Nine?
posted by Sallyfur at 1:30 AM on August 17, 2007

Jon Mitchell: Jesi Cortices

Esculentus.
posted by bru at 7:28 AM on August 17, 2007

YOU BLEW MAH COVAH!
posted by Effigy2000

Wow! So that's what Mr. Crash looks like!
posted by The Deej at 8:00 AM on August 17, 2007

Nine?

(2) Ears
(2) Eyes (warning: penetration may result in injury)
(2) Nostrils
Mouth
Pink
Stink

*A sufficiently deep innie gives some lucky girls ten. Stigmata and other open wounds have not been tallied.
posted by Terminal Verbosity at 8:10 AM on August 17, 2007

The pink has two holes in it. One is for baby and sex-related stuff and the other is for peeing. Your hoohah only has one hole and mine has two. Do you have vagina envy yet?
posted by iconomy at 8:30 AM on August 17, 2007

Frankly I'm more depressed that Digg is #2.
posted by Skorgu at 9:26 AM on August 17, 2007

"The pink has two holes in it. One is for baby and sex-related stuff and the other is for peeing."

I read somewhere on the internets that there are people who use them both for "sex-related stuff", but I guess those would be statistical outliers.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 9:46 AM on August 17, 2007

Hence the phrase "outliers, damned outliers, and statistics."
posted by cortex at 9:54 AM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

You do read the most interesting things, m_c_d. I figured anyone who didn't know there was more than one hole would also not have used that hole for sex-related stuff. Since they didn't know it was there, and all.

Since we're counting holes, I'd like to add pores to the list.
posted by iconomy at 9:57 AM on August 17, 2007

I figured anyone who didn't know there was more than one hole would also not have used that hole for sex-related stuff. Since they didn't know it was there, and all.

LAWL. You new around here, son? "Didn't know it was there?"

Watching urethral fucking has been one of my very least favorite activities bar none, ever in the the whole world as we know it, have known it or will ever know it, period, or I'd look for a link for you. On my short and prestigious "won't" list.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:08 AM on August 17, 2007

son?

Heh.
posted by cortex at 10:12 AM on August 17, 2007

Watching urethral fucking has been one of my very least favorite activities

That's good to know, son. I'll make sure to post that youtube collection of urethral fucking videos I've been saving for my next fpp for when you go on vacation.
posted by iconomy at 10:28 AM on August 17, 2007

Sorry, I forgot that the encouraging t-ball coach or threatening good ol' boy tone (take your pick on that one) is one of the "doesn't work for girls" types of comedy.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:40 AM on August 17, 2007

I always hear it said like Foghorn Leghorn myself.
posted by jessamyn at 10:46 AM on August 17, 2007

Our health teacher in 9th grade (a lady coach) warned the boys that it would hurt the woman if he inserted into the urethra mistakenly.
posted by Burhanistan at 10:58 AM on August 17, 2007

You know who else has pores?

That's right, The Savaginas
posted by and hosted from Uranus at 11:58 AM on August 17, 2007

This thread had really taken a turn, hasn't it?
posted by yhbc at 12:14 PM on August 17, 2007

This past Saturday night, I was treated to a lengthy and gruesome description of a pair of hapless newlyweds trying to achieve marital congress through the woman's navel, and damn near succeeding before they got proper medical care and advice. So does the navel count as a slot?
posted by maudlin at 12:26 PM on August 17, 2007

This thread had really taken a turn, hasn't it?

Yeah -- but, at least it is providing fodder for a Myth Busters episode. Wonder what it'd be called?
posted by ericb at 12:57 PM on August 17, 2007

Wonder what it'd be called?

Terrible.
posted by davejay at 1:11 PM on August 17, 2007

This thread had really taken a turn, hasn't it?

And that's different because...?
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 2:19 PM on August 17, 2007

Jessamona Lisa.

DaShiv, I'd like to talk with you about a project...
posted by fandango_matt at 3:16 PM on August 17, 2007

this thread is needlessly anti-Christian and should be deleted

Matteo, let me make your pinky all stinky.

okay, now it's needy and anti-Christian. woohoo!
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 5:03 PM on August 17, 2007

I rarely do these, but I can't pass up:

Metafilter: three holes
posted by scarabic at 6:13 PM on August 17, 2007

Now I can only picture a scratchy-faced, bleary-eyed Jean-Luc Picard shouting

THERE! ARE! FOUR!!!!! HOLES!

As he is helped from the alternately feared and desired torture-boudoir of Eccentrica Gallumbits.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 6:44 PM on August 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

To know life, you have to fuck death in the gall bladder.

Or something.
posted by flabdablet at 11:55 PM on August 17, 2007

Is this over yet? I think you may have all discussed this to death.
posted by Roger Dodger at 8:35 AM on August 18, 2007

C'mon, cortex, the modern lover recognizes three holes

Nobody is giving me *any* loving that involves the use of stents or sounds, thank you very much.

Sorry, I forgot that the encouraging t-ball coach or threatening good ol' boy tone (take your pick on that one) is one of the "doesn't work for girls" types of comedy.

If it works for Lisa Lampanelli it can work for you too
posted by PeterMcDermott at 10:07 AM on August 18, 2007

DaShiv, I'd like to talk with you about a project...

f_m, feel free to remix my photos as you see fit. My photos are meant to be used (or re-used, whatever) and I got a kick out of the ones in this thread.
posted by DaShiv at 12:04 AM on August 20, 2007

So I'm researching kidney stones and causes, then urethral stretching, then run across a comment in a uk board to "google urethral fucking" to find more stretching info, and what do I find in the upper half of the first search page? Two links to Metafilter. This is why I love you guys.

...in all your holes.
posted by figment of my conation at 9:14 AM on August 28, 2007