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An end to repairs on behalf of others
November 25, 2007 5:05 PM   Subscribe

If I could have just one little bitty present from Santa this year, it would be to see the well deserved (and hopefully painful) death of the use of:
quoted comment originalnew object inserted "fixed that for you"

The smugness factor of that little gem is off the charts, and that every time I see it I feel an urge to grind a grapefruit, Cagney style, in the self-satisfied editor's face.

Its old. It isn't creative. It may have been funny once, but that time has long since passed. Now it is just arrogant and rude and fails miserably at being witty.

I'm all in favor of snark. I even love snark. But a little creativity of original thought is the lifeblood of successful snark.
posted by John Smallberries to Etiquette/Policy at 5:05 PM (199 comments total) 9 users marked this as a favorite

I think it is sometimes funny.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:06 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


I agree.

Now, where do you stand on "wendell," "LOL____" and "Metafilter: blabbity blah blah"?
posted by veggieboy at 5:12 PM on November 25, 2007


Oh, also: There is no Santa Claus. So you're probably screwed.
posted by veggieboy at 5:13 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Seconded. Also, no more "This will wendell"s, which are uncreative and pathetic attempts at derailing threads.
posted by null terminated at 5:14 PM on November 25, 2007


This will wendell...
posted by pupdog at 5:15 PM on November 25, 2007


Your favorite in-joke sucks.
posted by pineapple at 5:16 PM on November 25, 2007 [3 favorites]


I like it when it's obviously supposed to be funny, but when it's not it makes me want to gouge someones eyes out ala Stephen Sagal in "Under Siege".
posted by puke & cry at 5:17 PM on November 25, 2007


MetaFilter: I agree
posted by KokuRyu at 5:17 PM on November 25, 2007 [4 favorites]


Sometimes it works, usually it's just annoying MeFi snarkiness.
posted by HotPatatta at 5:18 PM on November 25, 2007


Can we also forbid @username notation?
posted by b1tr0t at 5:19 PM on November 25, 2007 [5 favorites]


Metafilter: your favorite in-joke sucks.
posted by slogger at 5:20 PM on November 25, 2007


Is this the Ron Paul thread?
posted by languagehat at 5:24 PM on November 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


Not nearly as annoying as"USian." Ugh.
posted by GaelFC at 5:29 PM on November 25, 2007 [5 favorites]


MetaFilter people write like this; MetaTalk people write like this.
posted by cgc373 at 5:31 PM on November 25, 2007 [3 favorites]


Sometimes it's funny, and not even that snarky.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 5:31 PM on November 25, 2007


Metafilter: quoted comment originalnew object inserted "fixed that for you"
posted by 31d1 at 5:32 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


U can haz no strikethroughz?
posted by SassHat at 5:33 PM on November 25, 2007


It's a phase, and eventually it'll pass. I mean, I rarely use 'Where's the Beef?' anymore, and that only took what, 20 years?
posted by pupdog at 5:33 PM on November 25, 2007 [5 favorites]


Some of my best friends are snarky.
posted by box at 5:34 PM on November 25, 2007


I prefer the slightly more subtle variation, where you quote the passage back to the user and then point out their supposed spelling mistake. Like
I think Hal Hartley is brilliant.

Dude, you misspelled "appallingly stilted."
But really, that's only slightly less annoying.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:34 PM on November 25, 2007


If I could have just one little bitty present from Santa this year, it would be to see the well deserved (and hopefully painful) death of the use of:

cellphones

fixed that for you
posted by pyramid termite at 5:35 PM on November 25, 2007 [4 favorites]


If I could have just one little bitty present from Santa this year, it would be to see the well deserved (and hopefully painful) death of the use of:
quoted comment originalnew object inserted "fixed that for you" "Metafilter: [quoted comment]."

Its old. It isn't creative. It may have been funny once, but that time has long since passed.

Fixed that for you.
posted by googly at 5:36 PM on November 25, 2007


Argh. Derivative, poorly formatted, and beaten to the punch by pyramid termite.
posted by googly at 5:37 PM on November 25, 2007


There are a thousand things that annoy me each second of every day of my life. If I were to actually pay real attention to them outside of those rare all-too-frequent occasions when I've got the corduroy crankypants on, my head would explode in a shower of delicious candy, which might be fun to watch, but in the end would cause tummy aches and cavities.

And nobody wants that.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:40 PM on November 25, 2007 [7 favorites]


I want candy.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 5:41 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


seriously, it's not the first form of that meme - the original was something like this

"president bush makes as much sense as your average crackhe^H^H^H^H republican"

THAT meme goes back to the bulletin board era, as a lot of programs would do an "^H" when you hit the backspace key

eventually, the current meme will be replaced by something even more obnoxious and repetitive - you can count on it
posted by pyramid termite at 5:42 PM on November 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


a little creativity of original thought is the lifeblood of successful snark.

Exactly. A little creativity. Which is why so much humour uses old jokes dragged into new contexts. Of course, much of what you're talking about on MeFi is zero creativity, which is not so funny.

Personal online demons: "old and busted", and anything that references owing somebody a keyboard, which frankly makes me want to owe them dental work.
posted by dreamsign at 5:43 PM on November 25, 2007


The worst thing about losing weight is that my corduroys aren't as musical as they used to be, and I'm too old to wear big legged rave kid pants to get back the magic, assuming they even make those in corduroy variants.
posted by Lentrohamsanin at 5:44 PM on November 25, 2007


my head would explode in a shower of delicious candy

I CAN HAS YUTOOB, PLZ?
posted by pyramid termite at 5:44 PM on November 25, 2007


It depends on what kind of candy is in your head. If it's the kind of hard candy old ladies keep in pedestaled crystal bowls on their reproduction Victorian coffee tables, then no. But if it's M&Ms or miniature Snicker's bars, then bring it on.
posted by Evangeline at 5:48 PM on November 25, 2007


Where do old ladies get that candy, anyway?
posted by needled at 5:56 PM on November 25, 2007


It is antithetical to:
note: Help maintain a healthy, respectful discussion by focusing comments on the
issues, topics, and facts at hand—not at other members of the site.
In particular, "fixed that for you" is inherently directed personally at another poster, but even more importantly, a vast majority of the time it is intended to goad the other user into an angry response.

It should end.
posted by Chuckles at 5:57 PM on November 25, 2007


I'm still waiting for an end to "that [being] said".
posted by Eideteker at 5:57 PM on November 25, 2007


Dude, you misspelled "appallingly stilted."

PHILISTINE
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:02 PM on November 25, 2007


Old ladies don't get that candy anywhere. They inherit it and pass the bowl down through the generations. Ever try to eat a piece of that candy? Comes out in one giant lump of fossilized confection. Because it hasn't been fresh since the war.
posted by SassHat at 6:07 PM on November 25, 2007


Comes out in one giant lump of fossilized confection. Because it hasn't been fresh since the war.

Not unlike my brain.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:09 PM on November 25, 2007


Don't mention the war!
posted by pupdog at 6:09 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


It depends on what kind of candy is in your head.

Brain candy, I assume?
posted by dreamsign at 6:10 PM on November 25, 2007


BRAINSSSSSS!!!!
posted by MythMaker at 6:14 PM on November 25, 2007


Hey John Smallberries, I think this exact post was on Digg last week. Or was it Boing Boing? Not cool, man.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:14 PM on November 25, 2007


What? I can't hear a thing, those damn corduroy crankypants are making a racket.
posted by madamjujujive at 6:16 PM on November 25, 2007


OK, I'm going to bed now so if anyone gets mad about me saying "philistine" it's just a quote from a Hal Hartley movie, guys, don't worry about it.
posted by synaesthetichaze at 6:18 PM on November 25, 2007


I can ignore "fixed that for you" even though it can be annoying. (And, occasionally it IS funny, if it's used to make a non-obvious joke.)

But the 2 that really annoy me are... "not so much" and "[whatever] much?"

Because they echo in my brain. And I keep hearing them over and over in my mind after I have read them.

Come to think of it, maybe this is less a MeFi problem and more of a psychiatric issue. Never mind.
posted by The Deej at 6:18 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


John Smallberries has spoken!
posted by odinsdream at 6:24 PM on November 25, 2007


Eideteker: do you prefer "that having been said", or "having said that"? I don't understand the objection.

Most of these tropes are overused by the under-funny. In the hands of a talented comic, they can cost you your keyboard. Let's just hope for more original writers who eschew cliches.

And who listens to red lectroids, anyway?

And, by the way, I love kitties, you love kitties.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 6:26 PM on November 25, 2007


In the hands of a talented comic, they can cost you your keyboard.

Grrrrrrrr.
posted by dreamsign at 6:33 PM on November 25, 2007


THAT WAS SO FUNNY I PUKED ON MY KEYBOARD, WHICH SHORT-CIRCUITED AND STARTED A FIRE, BURNING DOWN MY HOME AND KILLING MY DOG, CAUSING PETA TO BOYCOTT MY WORKPLACE SO I LOST MY JOB.

YOU OWE ME A NEW LIFE.
posted by dreamsign at 6:36 PM on November 25, 2007 [3 favorites]


Sorry, sorry... I'm alright now.
posted by dreamsign at 6:37 PM on November 25, 2007


Santa, I want no posting the entirety of a song's lyrics in thread.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:37 PM on November 25, 2007 [4 favorites]


One word for you, mister Smallberries:

FAIL
posted by mr_crash_davis at 6:37 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


crash, that begs the question...
posted by madamjujujive at 6:41 PM on November 25, 2007


dreamsign: Grrrrrrrr.

The dogs bark but the caravan moves on...

Sorry, couldn't resist.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 6:42 PM on November 25, 2007


also scuba diving lessons, a roomba, binoculars and miss dior cherie
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 6:43 PM on November 25, 2007


grind a grapefruit, Cagney style, in the self-satisfied editor's face.

Hey man, chill out on the fruitism, ok? Not cool.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:46 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


dreamsign, I laughed so hard I fell out of my chair, rolled around on the floor, hit my desk, and chipped a tooth. You owe me dental work.
posted by pupdog at 6:46 PM on November 25, 2007


The shape-shifting kitties scare me. No like.
posted by Evangeline at 6:50 PM on November 25, 2007


I rise above it all, beatific and untroubled, but with just the right faint aura of smug contempt. People love that.
posted by Abiezer at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2007


YOU OWE ME A NEW LIFE.

you have metafilter, what the hell else do you need?
posted by pyramid termite at 6:55 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Sorry, Evangeline. De gustibus...

(I'll let someone else do the Metafilter:... joke.)
posted by Crabby Appleton at 7:02 PM on November 25, 2007


I have this theory that if we just manage to build a comment containing all possible snarks and injokes, it will cause a singularity which will destroy said gags and reset Metafilter, rather like Crisis on Infinite Earths, except shitty and boring.

I will begin.

Ahem.

Metafilter: Surely, this... will WHAT
THE
FUCK
wendell
LOLTAGLINES Fixed that said for you

- Todd Lokken
posted by poweredbybeard at 7:05 PM on November 25, 2007 [13 favorites]


For Christmas, I would like to see an end to the coin toss answer (not to callout those who have posted it in the past). No more. If the person posting the question knew their mind, they wouldn't need to post an AskMetafilter question. And we've heard it a thousand times before- if you're trotting it out at this point, it's just laziness. Mine as well add a "fixed that for your joke", throw in a "teh", and sign off with a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 7:06 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Now, I always try to rotate my use of existing clichés so as not to contribute to the overuse of any single one, and the "fixed that for you" is one I only use under the most optimal of circumstances.

Today, in the 'Whatever Happened to Freud' thread, I did use it thusly...

American psychotheraputic practice has been dominated by CBTpsychopharmacology (and rightlysadly so) for more than a generation.
Fixed that for you.


Not only did I get 3 favorites for that comment (which most of my one-liners don't) but lodurr, whose comment I was 'fixing', responded:
touche. Fair cop.

Then another previously-uninvolved commenter added:
Where's my fixed version?

And lodurr replied, with exceptional goodwill:
No way, man. He fixed it for me. Get your own.
...earning himself a much-deserved two favoritings.

Now that worked out better than I could have imagined. So, while before this I'd have responded to this objection by seriously considering taking this 'bit' out of my Arsenal of Snark and Silliness, now I must say, John Smallberries, if those are indeed your berries, that you will take "Fixed that for you" out of my repertoire when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

Have a nice day. :)
posted by wendell at 7:08 PM on November 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


Where do old ladies get that candy, anyway?

Right here, the same place I get my hankies.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:10 PM on November 25, 2007


On the other hand, were it within my power to wipe all examples of the phrase "This will not wendell" from the face of the Intarweb, I would. But I can't. We all have our crosses to bear.
posted by wendell at 7:10 PM on November 25, 2007


Metafilter: maybe this is a psychiatric issue.
posted by philomathoholic at 7:11 PM on November 25, 2007


...and I want the dogs next door to drop dead. Guess what? Also not gonna happen.
posted by pompomtom at 7:11 PM on November 25, 2007


Were it within my power to wipe all uses of the words "intarweb, intertubes, internets, etc" from the Internet, I would. But I can't.
posted by philomathoholic at 7:12 PM on November 25, 2007


Is it my imagination or has this whole place gone barking mad this weekend?

Was it the trytophan?
posted by konolia at 7:13 PM on November 25, 2007


(I knew somebody would mention that. But it just came up in the rotation, what can I do?)
posted by wendell at 7:14 PM on November 25, 2007


Well, if somebody substituted trytophan for the tryptophan in MY turkey on Thursday, I'd agree with you. (But then, recently I spelled it "triptophan", so who am I to point and go "Ha Ha", just because the Nelson Muntz reference was next up in the rotation?)

*barks, howls, humps konolia's leg*
posted by wendell at 7:19 PM on November 25, 2007


I am so gonna get flagged for that.
posted by wendell at 7:20 PM on November 25, 2007


Your honor, I rest my case.
posted by konolia at 7:21 PM on November 25, 2007


<groucho>Your honor, I rest my case on your bench because my arms are getting tired from carrying it around. </groucho>
posted by wendell at 7:23 PM on November 25, 2007


Enopugh with the barking jokes, it's dog-ist, and making me very uncomfortable. Sometimes this place is one big CatZone...
posted by pupdog at 7:25 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


I can't make up my mind if this thread needs a butterfly net or a rolled up newspaper.
posted by konolia at 7:25 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: maybe this is a psychiatric issue.

No, that was last month.
posted by dreamsign at 7:29 PM on November 25, 2007


"*barks, howls, humps konolia's leg*"

Flagged as sexist.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:30 PM on November 25, 2007


This was my recent attempt to parody the device we speak of.
posted by flarbuse at 7:32 PM on November 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


Nuke it from space - it's the only way to be sure.
posted by b1tr0t at 7:32 PM on November 25, 2007


Aww, pupdog. You need some lolpups.
posted by jouke at 7:35 PM on November 25, 2007


And now you're posting my personal info on here too jouke? I may just have to leave...
posted by pupdog at 7:40 PM on November 25, 2007


Or puptato chips.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:40 PM on November 25, 2007


grind a grapefruit, Cagney style, in the self-satisfied editor's face.
Hey man, chill out on the fruitism, ok? Not cool.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:46 PM on November 25 [+] [!]

Enopugh with the barking jokes, it's dog-ist, and making me very uncomfortable. Sometimes this place is one big CatZone...
posted by pupdog at 10:25 PM on November 25 [+] [!]

"*barks, howls, humps konolia's leg*"
Flagged as sexist.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:30 PM on November 25 [+] [!]


I'm not sure what the intent of comments like these is supposed to be, but to me they seem like a mockery of the sort of active, self-policing response to sexist comments that was advocated for by many MeFites across multiple threads and thousands of comments in the past week. I think that's pretty lame, because this sort of 'joke' will discourage community policing on issues of sexism. "Remember when crash made fun of doing that?", it's easy to imagine someone thinking. "I might be seen as a shrill humorless nazi if I say something about the real instances of sexism!" For this reason, it would be better if these jokes didn't happen.

Maybe you think these jokes are totally hilarious, and maybe there's some other angle that I'm missing. My record in favor of TEH LULZ on this site is pretty clear; I don't think any 'shrill humorless nazi' charges will stick against me. If we're going to try to change our ways, let's give it a fucking go, eh?
posted by Kwine at 7:48 PM on November 25, 2007 [5 favorites]


Kwine, any thread this long on metatalk will lead to these kind of jokes. Relax, I'd say.
posted by jouke at 7:53 PM on November 25, 2007


I have this theory that if we just manage to build a comment containing all possible snarks and injokes, it will cause a singularity which will destroy said gags and reset Metafilter, rather like Crisis on Infinite Earths, except shitty and boring.

You know who else tried to cause a singularity?
posted by rtha at 8:02 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Dogs. No sense of humor.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 8:04 PM on November 25, 2007


American psychotheraputic practice has been dominated by CBTpsychopharmacology (and rightlysadly so) for more than a generation.
Fixed that for you.


The best reason to stop this is because the "fix", as in this case, if often blatantly wrong. I'm not sure there's such thing as "psychopharmacology" unless you're a scientologist, and if there is it's an augmentation of CBT and other therapy methods, not an alternative.

And "sadly??" Stale "prozac kills artists" cliches from 1999 aside , I don't really find people getting the medicine they need to stay alive and make their lives better that sad.

As for "favorites," I don't usually make bible references, but Barrabus will always receive more favorites than Jesus.
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:18 PM on November 25, 2007


It's probably better off here.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 8:27 PM on November 25, 2007


I think the only real soution here is for someone to grow some bigger berries and quit his whining.
posted by Reggie Digest at 8:48 PM on November 25, 2007


I'm not sure there's such thing as "psychopharmacology" unless you're a scientologist

My fourth year honours seminar was behavioral pharmacology which is in effect, psychopharmacology, the biochemistry of behaviour. But the end result of that approach is not everyone on prozac. That's where the market takes over.
posted by dreamsign at 8:56 PM on November 25, 2007


I am the very model of a psychopharmacologist.
posted by iamabot at 9:02 PM on November 25, 2007


In a previous thread, I outed myself as one who gets "the medicine I need to stay alive and make my life better", but I also said, quite seriously "The vital importance of anti-depressive medication for literally millions of people AND the abuses of the pharmaceutical industry in promoting the most profitable drugs are NOT two mutually exclusive concepts. They both exist in the real world." And also in my world, where the medication is a lot more easily accessible for me and millions of others than CBT and other therapies. I've had times when I was able to get regular therapy/counseling (either by paying a hefty premium or by working outside 'normal channels') and it was always better than the medication alone.

-patientwendell206
posted by wendell at 9:08 PM on November 25, 2007 [2 favorites]


If it makes anyone feel better, I'm not humping anything right now.
posted by hermitosis at 9:15 PM on November 25, 2007


Totally agreed with you, John Smallberries. However, the unfortunate fact of the matter is that lots of people here like iterative humor - shit like "eponysterical," "new X overlords," lolcats, etc. I think that they just have a different sense of humor than me.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:19 PM on November 25, 2007


Where do old ladies get that candy, anyway?

It's some kind of secreted resin.

Metafilter: Insert new object.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:20 PM on November 25, 2007


I'm still waiting for an end to "that [being] said".
posted by Eideteker at 8:57 PM on November 25 [+] [!]


I'm still waiting for April 1 so I can celebrate the anniversary of my lost respect for Eideteker.
posted by Afroblanco at 9:26 PM on November 25, 2007


This thread makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
posted by ryoshu at 9:32 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


No matter what you write, somebody somewhere is bound to find it derivative & unfunny.

News at eleven.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:57 PM on November 25, 2007


If I could have just one little bitty present from Santa this year....

Sorry, no.

Nixed that for you.
posted by flapjax at midnite at 10:01 PM on November 25, 2007 [3 favorites]


A joke is when I repeat something funny we both heard somewhere else and we laugh!
posted by Partial Law at 11:01 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


- Todd Lokken
posted by poweredbybeard at 7:05 PM on November 25 [3 favorites +] [!]


There's a new Todd Lokken in town.

Cheers,

Mike
.
posted by jayder at 11:07 PM on November 25, 2007


Been there. Done that. Literally bought the t-shirt. (Couldn't resist the 'Less Cowbell' button that came with it)
posted by wendell at 11:19 PM on November 25, 2007


"I'd hit it." Oh, and any reference to Australia being a land of convicts. Uh, yeah, sigh, that's hilarious, haven't heard that before, ever. Oh and have you actually read the Five Languages of Love recommended regularly on the green? It helps a lot if you're Christian.
posted by b33j at 11:28 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


No matter what you write, somebody somewhere is bound to find it derivative & unfunny.

News at eleven.


It goes to eleven?
posted by dreamsign at 11:29 PM on November 25, 2007 [1 favorite]


Orange!
posted by davejay at 12:09 AM on November 26, 2007


"Fixed that for you" ATE MY BALLS.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:23 AM on November 26, 2007


I've said it before and I'll say it again:

I just took a shower, who wants to smell me?
posted by vapidave at 12:24 AM on November 26, 2007


News Film at eleven.

ftfy . . .

what?
posted by panamax at 3:27 AM on November 26, 2007


jessamyn writes "I think it is sometimes funny."

It's funny when used in a lighthearted discussion.
It's infuriating when used in a serious and tense discussion.
posted by Bugbread at 4:52 AM on November 26, 2007


In Communist Russia, people fix that for YOU!
posted by 23skidoo at 5:06 AM on November 26, 2007


EY WUNTED SERYOS DISKUSHUN, BUT ALL I GOT WAS FICKSED

AN NOW I IZ THINKZ OF TEH CHILLUN ALLA TIME
posted by Sparx at 5:16 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


If I could have just one little bitty present from Santa this year, it would be to see the well deserved (and hopefully painful) death of the use of: quoted comment originalnew object inserted "fixed that for you" all Mefites happy, prosperous, and snark-tolerant.

Fixed that. For everyone.
posted by waraw at 5:59 AM on November 26, 2007


Salmon
Salmon raised in pens have white rather than 'salmon pink' flesh because their diet does not include most of the natural foods that color the flesh of wild salmon. Fish farmer's have begun adding pigment to the farm raised salmon's food to get that 'natural' color.

The 'juice' in canned salmon comes from the fish itself, whereas tuna has oil or water added in the canning process.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:10 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


The dogs bark but the caravan moves on...

Sorry, couldn't resist.


Proust would be so pissed:

I remember in the old days you used to amuse yourself by noting down the fashionable phrases as they appeared, stayed in circulation and then disappeared: "who sows the win, reas the whirlwind"; "the dogs bark, the caravan moves on"

“As a fine old Arabian proverb puts it: ‘The dogs bark, the caravan moves on.’” M. de Norpois paused, watching us to see what effect this quotation would have on us. It had a great effect: his proverb was well known to us. All worthy men had been using it that year instead of “Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind,” which was in need of a rest, not being a hardy annual like “To labor and seek for no reward.”


I read the first passage yesterday and found the second by googling for the first. I've got a life, thanks.
posted by ersatz at 6:13 AM on November 26, 2007 [2 favorites]


Kwine, thanks for saying that. I was thinking it, too.
posted by mosessis at 7:25 AM on November 26, 2007


stupidsexyFlanders, I have no idea what prompted that or what you meant by writing it, but thanks for the interesting trivia.
posted by Bugbread at 7:33 AM on November 26, 2007


I hate when somebody writes, "Not to be [X] . . ." and then writes something that is the epitome of X.

About the old-lady candy - there's a story about someone admiring the hats that a bunch Boston Brahmin ladies wore to church. She asked one of them, "Where do you get your hats?" "My dear," the old lady replied, "we do not "get" our hats. We have our hats." I bet the candy is like that.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 7:39 AM on November 26, 2007


It's funny when used in a lighthearted discussion.
It's infuriating when used in a serious and tense discussion.


Actually, oftentimes it's in the serious or I should say discussions where people are taking themselves too seriously, getting precious, stilted, or self-important that jokes are most welcome, says I.

God, I miss quonsar.
posted by jonmc at 7:42 AM on November 26, 2007


and the old lady candy just grows in the bowl, like mold.
posted by jonmc at 7:44 AM on November 26, 2007


jonmc writes "Actually, oftentimes it's in the serious or I should say discussions where people are taking themselves too seriously, getting precious, stilted, or self-important that jokes are most welcome, says I."

I'm not talking about joking uses. Those are groovy. I'm talking about snarky straw-man uses, where you're correcting what someone says to some vile thing you're accusing them of thinking.

Like, er, I dunno. Let's say there's a thread about some contentious rape case. Maybe it's rape. Maybe it's not.

Person A: "I think people are innocent until proven guilty."
Person B: "Person A: 'I think people are innocent women deserve to be raped.' There, I fixed that for you."
posted by Bugbread at 7:48 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


Its It's old.
Fixed that for you.
posted by Durin's Bane at 8:21 AM on November 26, 2007


I think from now on when people go "there, I fixed that for you," I'm just going to respond "there, I just took a shit on your sister's face."

Wink-smiley.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 8:25 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


People do annoying, aggravating things. This isn't something that's likely fixable, alas.

Also, this comment includes a struck-through <strike> tag for no good reason.

Fixed that for me.
posted by cortex (staff) at 8:54 AM on November 26, 2007


I agree with what eyeballkid usually says.
posted by shmegegge at 9:49 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


My unfavorite memeticly repeating comment format is:

Wow. Just... wow.
posted by dirtdirt at 9:58 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


My unfavorite memeticly repeating comment format is: Wow. Just... wow.

I also hate its bastard cousin, "No. Just... no."

And since we're having Airing of Grievances: "Um, yeah, well, [commence smug explanation of why everyone else is an idiot]" also makes me long for a flag for "annoying online-speech style." I wish any comment or post on the internet that began with or relied heavily upon "Um" or "Uhh" would just auto-delete itself. I always assume that the poster is either trying to be mind-numbingly precious (and ergo has zero self-awareness) or has some sort of manual logorrhea where he or she is somehow incapable of keeping hands off the keyboard until proper words spring to mind.

Also, if you say you're leaving the thread, leave the thread. There should be a unique verb to describe people who claim to be giving themselves a time-out, or having said all that is worth saying, and then reappear just minutes or hours later with a "I know I said I was leaving, but." And every time one equivellates (or whatever the verb is), a microdonation has to be made by that user to some suitable charitable entity. Maybe Netizens Espousing Reasonable Discourse.
posted by pineapple at 10:20 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


So, I didn't want to read the whole thread and I just skipped to the end; but what is the problem having comments fixed? I mean, it's makes their quality of life much better, and it reduces the number of unwanted baby comments that invariably end up in shelters awaiting adoption.

Unless you are a breeder, neuter your comments, folks.
posted by quin at 10:27 AM on November 26, 2007


b33j writes "Oh, and any reference to Australia being a land of convicts. Uh, yeah, sigh, that's hilarious, haven't heard that before, ever."

The US dollar free fall has finally buried the oh so funny joke implying the Canadian dollar exchange rate is some crazy big number to 1. So there is hope, all you need is to arrange for some other country to become a former penal colony.
posted by Mitheral at 11:02 AM on November 26, 2007


I mean, it's it makes their quality of life much better, and it reduces the number of unwanted baby comments that invariably end up in shelters awaiting adoption.

Circumcised that for you.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 11:21 AM on November 26, 2007


quin writes "Unless you are a breeder heterosexual, neuter your comments, folks."

Fixed that for you.
posted by Bugbread at 11:31 AM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


I was careless and now I have a problem with unwanted baby comments. How much noise I need to drown these humanely? Is few words in all caps enough or should I try trolling? I heard that micromanaging them is not worth the effort.
posted by Free word order! at 11:57 AM on November 26, 2007


Just don't get them those little baby comment shoes. Those things are a bugger to get on; they only make the noise worse.
posted by never used baby shoes at 12:03 PM on November 26, 2007


I think you just need to take it in stride, John Smallberries. No big whoop, as they say. Let it roll off your back if it's directed at you, and if it's not just ignore it.

Besides, that's nothing compared to people that write "best of web?" in threads. Those people are cunts.
posted by psmealey at 1:16 PM on November 26, 2007


I dunno. I hate "fixed that for you." But when I used it against someone who was being a complete fuckstick, it gave me a great sense of satisfied glee, because I knew exactly how obnoxious it really was. Seriously, I think everyone ought to try it at least once. It's like the internet conversation version of "I'll pray for you."
posted by kittens for breakfast at 1:47 PM on November 26, 2007


I think you just need to big whoop, I think you just need to stride, need to stride, let it roll, let it roll, let it
Take it in!
Best of web? in threads
Best of web? in threads, let it roll off your back if it’s
Not just ignore if it’s
As! They! Say!
Those people are cunts, take it in, take it in.
Let it roll.
John! Smallberries!

Remixed that for you.
posted by ormondsacker at 1:47 PM on November 26, 2007


Fucked that for you.
posted by Wolof at 1:52 PM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


I think the real problem here is people making comments that are completely wrong, and therefore in need of fixing.
posted by shmegegge at 1:54 PM on November 26, 2007


I think the real problem here is people making comments that are completely wrong have different opinions from my own, and therefore in need of fixing. don't need any fixing whatsoever.

fixed that for me so you predictable assholes don't have to.
posted by shmegegge at 1:56 PM on November 26, 2007


FREE MUMIAQUONSAR
posted by ninjew at 2:09 PM on November 26, 2007


shmegegge predictable asshole writes "fixed that for me so you predictable assholes don't have to."

(kidding)
posted by Bugbread at 2:33 PM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


<img>
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:34 PM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


ahem, psmealey, may I refer you to a couple of monster MeTa threads?
posted by Quietgal at 2:40 PM on November 26, 2007


gouge someones eyes out ala Stephen Sagal Steven Seagal in "Under Siege".
Fixed that for you.
posted by bonaldi at 3:33 PM on November 26, 2007


gouge someones eyes out ala Stephen Sagal Steven Seagal George Segal in "Under Siege" "Just Shoot Me!".

ftfy
posted by pupdog at 3:51 PM on November 26, 2007


gouge someones eyes out ala Stephen Sagal Steven Seagal George SegalKatey Sagal in "Futurama". Except lose the "s" at the end of "eye".

Broke that for you.
posted by wendell at 4:07 PM on November 26, 2007


gouge someones eyes out ala Stephen Sagal Steven Seagal George SegalKatey Sagal in "Futurama". *@#$! with the %*sh#$ f$#& and two *!(@*# like Bob Sagat in "The Aristocrats".

Cleaned that up for you.
posted by dreamsign at 4:23 PM on November 26, 2007


gougepeck someones eyes out ala Stephen Sagal Steven Seagal George Segal Katey Sagal Bob Sagat Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

Reductio ad absurdum-ed that for you.

I guess this thread didn't work out the way John Smallberries hoped it would...
posted by wendell at 4:29 PM on November 26, 2007


No, it didn't... wendell.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 4:45 PM on November 26, 2007


And... scene.
posted by dogrose at 4:53 PM on November 26, 2007


I guess this thread didn't worked out the way John Smallberries everybody hoped knew it would...
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:55 PM on November 26, 2007


Truth to tell, I am greatly amused by the thread and - justly - put in my place by several commenters. I was a grouchier than usual bastard when I posted, but sleep and fiber fix many things.

I now admit that when used properly, this locution can be funny. I've even favorited a few above. I still maintain that its usage is too often appallingly rude, arrogant, and self-congratulatory, and it marks the commenter as being a real asshole.

But this is Metafilter, and I will defend to the death the right of any poster to be just as much of an asshole as he or she desires to be.
posted by John Smallberries at 5:16 PM on November 26, 2007


Group hug pillow fight!
posted by languagehat at 5:21 PM on November 26, 2007


* thwocks languagehatfat with pillow *
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:34 PM on November 26, 2007


and I will defend to the death the right of any poster to be just as much of an asshole as he or she desires to be.

hey, the *down with sexism!* threads are still open. go for your life!
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:36 PM on November 26, 2007


I work hard all day, and I'm too tired to be snarky at night. Can't someone misplace an apostrophe & make this easier for me?
posted by Devils Rancher at 7:09 PM on November 26, 2007


hey - has anybody seen my apostrophe?
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:38 PM on November 26, 2007


Oh... just to clarify... I didn't say MY death.

Carry on.
posted by John Smallberries at 8:27 PM on November 26, 2007 [1 favorite]


For great justice, strikethrough rly needs more blinking cowbell.
posted by meehawl at 10:00 PM on November 26, 2007


When I heard this was a thread about pet peeves, I really thought there would be
posted by salvia at 11:56 PM on November 26, 2007


Don't have a cow, man. I for one, bow down to our OCD overlords. They're eponysterical. I don't even know what any of this means, and in a few months, I doubt you will either. Hey, blink tag!!!
posted by spiderwire at 12:07 AM on November 27, 2007


It's really more effective to have cowbell itself blink. Otherwise, it's "blinking blinking cowbell."
posted by tehloki at 12:57 AM on November 27, 2007


John Smallberries writes "I now admit that when used properly, this locution can be funny."

Nono, the strikethrough goes through the word, not under the word!
posted by Bugbread at 3:48 AM on November 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


This thread is oh such a marvelous example. The author writes about something everybody does that isn't funny. People then do it in this thread thinking it's funny because they're doing it when someone said it wasn't funny.

Guess what?

It's still not funny!
posted by Autarky at 5:32 AM on November 27, 2007


Autarky writes "It's still not funny!"

Fixed that for you.
posted by Bugbread at 6:15 AM on November 27, 2007


I'm already tired of the "plate of beans" comments, especially because people are now using it where it makes little sense. I'm probably over-thinking this.
posted by justgary at 9:15 AM on November 27, 2007


Some 'plate of beans'ers would say, if you've thought about it enough to figure out why, you've already gone too far.

So ya, pretty irritating. Nothing like the fixed that for you thing though, which is often a direct personal insult.
posted by Chuckles at 10:54 AM on November 27, 2007


Nothing like the fixed that for you thing though, which is often a direct personal insult.

Sometimes, but, when done sincerely, it's more of a direct personal repudiation, a way of saying "you're wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong" while trying to be jokey ha ha. In that form, it can be very dangerous and often causes more acrimony than just saying "you're wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong" (Fixed that for myself)

And using it to 'fix' typos and misspellings is usually annoyingly obnoxious, bringing more attention to little things than a direct "I think you mean X, not Y".

It's a sharp and jagged comical weapon, that sometimes causes unwanted damage even in the most skillful hands (better than mine). BUT I STILL LOVE IT.
posted by wendell at 11:07 AM on November 27, 2007


People who like to tell other people they're not funny are never very funny themselves, are they? I always picture them as medics from Sarajevo or TSA agents, indefatigably dour and secretly heartbroken.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:13 AM on November 27, 2007 [1 favorite]


Nothing like the fixed that for you thing though, which is often a direct personal insult attack.

There, fixed that for me.
posted by Chuckles at 12:09 PM on November 27, 2007


If we didn't overuse and abuse our memes, they'd never get old, they'd never become clichéd, and we'd just be here talking about cameras and pancakes, and no one would have any idea what was going on at all. WHAT. THE. FUCK. MATT. Why is this elephant pissing on the thread?
posted by spiderwire at 1:19 PM on November 27, 2007


Decided to go overusing memes after spiderwire saw some elephant pissing in a thread on "fixed that for you" at MetaTalk .. My wife did a search for "printable coupons online", and to my surprise found something about minute maid coupons for target stores . She edited the post and I got a fish in my trousers practically free ... (lol) . Why can't us men think of these things ? Lol
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:32 PM on November 27, 2007


People who like to tell other people they're not funny are never very funny themselves, are they? I jonmc always pictures them as medics from Sarajevo or TSA agents, feminists or other followers of -isms, indefatigably dour and secretly heartbroken.

fixed that for you runs away.
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:35 PM on November 27, 2007


POKEY THE PENGUIN FRIEND BEAR
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:50 PM on November 27, 2007


Methinks mayhap the olde Englishe locutions are played owte. Prithee, putte a socke in't, fair renfairean, that I might reade without agony. I can't think of the other one like methinks. There are at least two and they sucke.

Also [not X-ist] must go because it is a shameless temptress and I overuse it.
posted by Don Pepino at 1:58 PM on November 27, 2007


Canonical List of Jokes Which Will Probably Annoy Someone (version 1.0) (neither chronological nor alphabetical): What did I miss?
posted by Bugbread at 2:23 PM on November 27, 2007


Mushrooms?
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:33 PM on November 27, 2007


Thanks, UbuRoivas.

Canonical List of Jokes Which Will Probably Annoy Someone (version 1.1) (neither chronological nor alphabetical):
posted by Bugbread at 2:37 PM on November 27, 2007 [2 favorites]


(Actually, I should probably nix the right-hand-of-minya one, because while it's a meme, and occasionally brought out for comedy, it's not really a joke meme. It's more of a nostalgia meme mixed with a "Godwin's rule" / "Sturgeon's Law" type situational observation. That is, people don't bust out a million patterns of cutting-off-right-hands just for humourous effect)
posted by Bugbread at 2:45 PM on November 27, 2007


This right hand I cut off, it vibrates, amirite? LOLMINYA!
posted by languagehat at 2:52 PM on November 27, 2007


Update the wiki, you silly bastards.
posted by cortex (staff) at 2:56 PM on November 27, 2007


1. Compile list of in-jokes
2. Realise that you forgot Poland the wiki
3. Invade Poland Work out some nasty way to take over copyright of all in-jokes
4. Profit!
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:14 PM on November 27, 2007


People who like to tell other people they're not funny are never very funny themselves, are they? I always picture them feministslibertarians or other followers of -isms, indefatigably dour and secretly heartbroken.

Fixed that for Ron Paul.

Re the Canonical List:
This will not wendell.

Also, whatever happened to Nader Nader Nader? Is it so old that it no longer annoys, just bored?
posted by wendell at 3:28 PM on November 27, 2007


This will not wendell

That will be $5, a sockpuppet, or a plate of pancakes for using my copyright, wendell.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:32 PM on November 27, 2007


UbuRoivas writes
1. Compile list of in-jokes
2. Realise that you forgot Poland the wiki
3. Invade Poland Work out some nasty way to take over copyright of all in-jokes
4. Profit!"
1) Well, I got 1 covered.
2) Had no idea about number 2, so I guess I have that covered, too.
3) As for number 3, check out this little gem: "© 1999-2007 MetaFilter Network LLC All posts are © their original authors." So with this list, I just covered that too.
4) So I guess all that's left is for you to send me money.
posted by Bugbread at 3:35 PM on November 27, 2007


YOUR copyright? Yeah, sure, Ubu RIAAvas.

Sit, Ubu, sit.
posted by wendell at 3:40 PM on November 27, 2007


bugbread, you can't take over my copyright just by posting my in-joke intellectual property from the wiki onto metafilter.

otherwise, one could simply set up a filesharing network & state that all files are copyright of their posters, to invoke an analogy.

expect to hear from my lawyers shortly unless you cease & desist.

in the meantime, i've had my lawyers in Tuvulau obtain an international injunction against any changes to the wiki.
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:46 PM on November 27, 2007


UbuRoivas writes "bugbread, you can't take over my copyright just by posting my in-joke intellectual property from the wiki onto metafilter.

"otherwise, one could simply set up a filesharing network & state that all files are copyright of their posters, to invoke an analogy.

"expect to hear from my lawyers shortly unless you cease & desist. "


Hey, mathowie is the one who granted me copyright, go after him. And if you win the case, make sure to throw me a 10% finder's fee.
posted by Bugbread at 4:08 PM on November 27, 2007


bugbread's list is independently compiled. therefore, it's protected expression under (1) the independent creation rule, (2) merger doctrine, (3) the transformative use exception, and (4) the fair use exception, at the very least.

furthermore, to the extent there could even be protection for ubi's list, it would be "thin" at best, since it's merely a compilation of the creative works of others. Feist Publications v. Rural Telephone Service, 499 U.S. 340 (1991).

however, copyright infringement recognizes no punitive damages, and since bugbread's appropriation hasn't cost ubi anything, there is no remedy unless ubi seeks statutory damages, which aren't available, since the list hasn't been registered. consequently, the only other potential legal recourse would be an injunction against mathowie requiring removal of the offending material.

also, as i recall, MeFi is based in california, so by filing such a lawsuit, i imagine that ubi could potentially be exposed to a countersuit under the SLAPP laws.



oh, you guys were joking. nevermind.
posted by spiderwire at 7:34 PM on November 27, 2007


more to the point, since all mefi comments are (c) their authors, isn't it in fact more plausible that ubi could be subject to suit for appropriating their creative works into his own list without permission? Castle Rock Entertainment, Inc. v. Carol Publishing Group. 150 F.3d 132 (2nd Cir. 1998).
posted by spiderwire at 7:38 PM on November 27, 2007


Ubu really aught to look at 'his page'...
posted by wendell at 8:14 PM on November 27, 2007


oh yeah, that whole GNU license might be a problem as well.
posted by spiderwire at 8:58 PM on November 27, 2007


What did I miss?

In soviet russia the list misses you!

Note: I actually think this little joke/meme is usually/always pretty funny.
posted by philomathoholic at 10:56 PM on November 27, 2007


In soviet russia, my page looks at me!
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:09 PM on November 27, 2007


As Gilbert Gottfried said 14 times on one episode of "Hollywood Squares": YOU FOOL!!!

All of these in-jokes are (c) UbuRIAAvas 2007. Licencing fees are negotiable, but typical fees for usage, as a guideline, would be in the order of one arm or one leg or testicles of equal value.

...when I rewrite your copyright notice, I wish you'd have the decency to notice...
posted by wendell at 11:49 PM on November 27, 2007


actually, i saw that, but i have no claim over your testicles, so i thought i'd step aside & let you fight that out with those RIAA people. nothing to do with me.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:53 AM on November 28, 2007


What did I miss?

Actually, a twofer:

You know who else...





GODWIN!!!
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:19 AM on November 28, 2007


in soviet russia, your copyright notice rewrites you.

no, seriously. that happened. the testicles, thing, too. it was in the filing requirements.
posted by spiderwire at 7:06 AM on November 28, 2007


As Gilbert Gottfried said 14 times on one episode of "Hollywood Squares": YOU FOOL!!!

I forgot about that. That was awesome.
posted by Kwine at 7:13 AM on November 28, 2007


that's what SHE said!
don't worry, i have enough cliches to keep the whole of metafilter happy. i'll start the rotation.
posted by Dillonlikescookies at 3:24 AM on November 30, 2007


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