Your solitary compulsion becomes a shared experience. July 22, 2008 10:12 PM   Subscribe

This AskMe post blows my mind in a minor and enjoyable way. Who knew? It turns out a lot of people have a Tourette's-like response to embarrassing memories.

As Miko says in the thread, "It fascinates me that so many others find this familiar, as I also thought it was a personal quirk. I hope we hear from one of the folks who knows something about neurology or emotional psychology - because it's damned interesting to me that there is such a common physical/verbal response to the memory of embarrassment!"

(I'm especially amused by the folks who compulsively blurt out endearments to a past love. Seems like that could become an infinitely self-renewing source of embarrassing moments!)
posted by ottereroticist to MetaFilter-Related at 10:12 PM (72 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite

I was in the kitchen at work the other day, fixing a cup of coffee, and out of nowhere I made a noise like Milo "The Brownish Bomber" Kerrigan (if you know who that is, you'll know the sort of noise I'm talking about). It may very well have been "faffernoiby!"

Which would be fine, except for the part where I turned around and one of the HR girls was standing there staring at me with a very slightly terrified look in her eyes.

Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you.
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:22 PM on July 22, 2008 [10 favorites]


One of the amazing powers of AskMe is the surprise "I am not a freak" validation it often supplies. My favourite is manubriosternum popping.
posted by Mitheral at 10:32 PM on July 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Oh my god! I just read that thread on cracking, wondering the whole time what you have to do to crack your manubriosternum -- then realized that's what pops every time I sneeze!
posted by ottereroticist at 10:41 PM on July 22, 2008


(I'm especially amused by the folks who compulsively blurt out endearments to a past love. Seems like that could become an infinitely self-renewing source of embarrassing moments!)

It is! And for me at least it happens many times a day.

I was just super embarrassed about this problem for a long time, but now I try to have a sense of humor about it, and understand why it might be amusing. Most of my friends know about it at this point because it happens so often that I have to explain it. Lucky, when I am around other people it is usually profanity so I just have to explain that no I am not upset at anything going on in the present, i just remembered something from three years ago when I said something really stupid in a conversation. In the morning when I wake up is a particularly bad time as I feel alone but often shout so loud that I realize my roommates might be around hear me. Also, I often invoke my ex's name then. I once asked my roommates if they had ever heard me shouting random things in the morning and they said "no". A few days later though one of my roommates came up to me excitedly and said "I heard you! The other morning I totally heard you!". He was thrilled and I wasn't as embarrassed as I might have been since he had had proper warning and he didn't have any intention of making me feel bad about it.

I have often thought about posting this exact question to AskMe and was so glad to see it today. It makes me feel so much less crazy to hear everyone else in that thread and the OP share similar experiences.
posted by DanielDManiel at 10:44 PM on July 22, 2008 [2 favorites]


Come to think of it, isn't Kingsley Amis' Lucky Jim a literary example of these... embarrassment spasms? I seem to recall that he compulsively makes horrible faces when he recalls his many humiliating gaffes.
posted by ottereroticist at 10:50 PM on July 22, 2008


Oh, and there was also a time where I said my ex's name (not the "I love you" part thank god) loudly while the girl I was dating at the time was in the next room. When she came back in the room I was in she looked at me funny and asked me if I had just randomly said my ex's name (who she knew about). I turned bright red and was so embarrassed that I immediately switched to denial mode. I was not convincing, but she was nice and dropped it quickly. I have definitely blurted things out when thinking of this memory.
posted by DanielDManiel at 11:05 PM on July 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


Just because there are other people out there doing similar things doesn't mean you're any less crazy, DanielDManiel. ; )

I agree with Space Kitty in that post. I have no idea what everybody is talking about in that thread. But it's amusing.
posted by misozaki at 11:09 PM on July 22, 2008


Just because there are other people out there doing similar things doesn't mean you're any less crazy

True, and now I am beginning to regret telling a bunch of random internet people about how crazy I am. Fuck! Another embarrassing memory. Shit!
posted by DanielDManiel at 11:22 PM on July 22, 2008 [3 favorites]


AskMeta has many time validated for me that I am not alone in being crazy. Questions like this one remind me that there are all sorts of crazy I am not (this, and that one on whether your teeth hurt when you really have to go to the bathroom).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 11:32 PM on July 22, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm too embarrassed to post a detailed reply in that thread, but YES YES YES I -totally- do that thing. And I'm both happy and sad to learn that I'm not the only nutjob loonypants who shows an external response to the bizarre years-old crap that gets randomly dredged from who knows where and tossed up to the surface by my whack-assed brain at strange moments and for no good goddamn reason.

Stupid, STUPID brain.
posted by mountain_william at 11:57 PM on July 22, 2008


I love these 'me too!' / weird-stuff-the-brain-does threads. Here's my collection...

bookstores
porn in the woods
screaming in my head
time sense
extra people
brain idling
ghosts
mindgasms
imaginary worlds
derealization
dream timing
heart fluttering
rain hunger
warm/cool eyes
...and for fun, cats and trackpads

In conclusion: we're all mad here. :)
posted by Xelf at 12:12 AM on July 23, 2008 [164 favorites]


Xelf, that's one heck of an impressive list.
posted by The ____ of Justice at 1:01 AM on July 23, 2008


The weirdest "me too" I have come across was the death sneeze. Something I have experienced a lot but never really worried about or even thought about properly until I read about it happening to other people on here.
posted by fire&wings at 1:33 AM on July 23, 2008


I have to hope that with a lot of these "me too's" - as I certainly do with this one on blurting - that there's a large, silent sector of the hive that doesn't associate with the behavior and thus just choose not to respond.
posted by allkindsoftime at 2:30 AM on July 23, 2008


I have to hope that with a lot of these "me too's" - as I certainly do with this one on blurting - that there's a large, silent sector of the hive that doesn't associate with the behavior and thus just choose not to respond.

I'm sure thats true. But its not just the number of responses, its also the breadth of responses usually from a diverse set of mefites all chiming in to say that they experience this too, even if its a small subset of the population. Even if its unusual, the character of the responses is enough to qualify this behavior as "normal"

That is, conversely, there are more than a few ask.mefi questions where the overhwelming response is "Ummm...no thats really strange..maybe you should see a doctor?"
posted by vacapinta at 2:39 AM on July 23, 2008


Yeah, that's roughly what I do, too, liquorice. Nice to know that it's not unique to me, but common to many blog-reader types.
posted by ibmcginty at 4:34 AM on July 23, 2008


Oh, having this happen in public is the worst. My response to embarrassing memories is usually so violent that people just assumed I sneezed and we move on with our lives.
posted by amicamentis at 4:37 AM on July 23, 2008


Man, this place really is full of freaks!

/cracks his manubriosternum (who knew that was even a word?!) too
//not on purpose, just randomly when stretching my arms/back
posted by Grither at 5:01 AM on July 23, 2008


It's funny, because I don't do this, and reading that AskMe made me feel like the weirdo!

We had a housemate who did this (I'm sure she still does - she's not our housemate anymore, though). It took us a while to get used to it - she'd come home from work and start to fix supper or something, and there'd be this series of sighs and little whimpers and stuff. It was her way of getting rid of the day, although I don't think she did it like that on purpose. It was hard to not say "What's up? Are you okay?" at first, though.
posted by rtha at 5:03 AM on July 23, 2008


One of the amazing powers of AskMe is the surprise "I am not a freak" validation it often supplies

Oh, ya'll wear fedoras too?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:18 AM on July 23, 2008


I'm so embarrassed that I admitted to it. *shudder*
posted by kuujjuarapik at 5:35 AM on July 23, 2008


I'm so embarrassed that I admitted to it. *kuujjuarapik*

- oh, sorry, excuse me. *wipes nose*
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:43 AM on July 23, 2008


FUCK!
posted by popechunk at 6:21 AM on July 23, 2008


YYYYYO YO MA!
posted by spicynuts at 6:46 AM on July 23, 2008


I hung out with Yo Yo Ma's son once. Crazy night!

And how can something blow your mind in a minor way?? Breeze your mind, perhaps?
posted by Grither at 6:51 AM on July 23, 2008


Just lick the tip?
posted by ninebelow at 7:10 AM on July 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


One of the amazing powers of AskMe is the surprise "I am not a freak" validation it often supplies

I'd be very wary of that feeling. I've done my share of 'that happens to me too' in some of these threads, and I can assure all of you, I have a lot of freak in genetic makeup.
posted by quin at 7:28 AM on July 23, 2008


Hey Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine you waft my mind

posted by cortex (staff) at 7:33 AM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


I have this annoying habit of what I call "breaking the sound barrier" when I sleep. (No, not the way you're thinking!) I often am having a dream where I need to speak or yell, but can't. I can't because my vocal chords are paralyzed (likely due to the fact that the body is releasing that chemical that ensures we don't act out our dreams, the least of which includes yelling).

So, 2 weeks ago I'm in Oaxaca, Mexico, traveling with a friend. She and I have never spent any significant time together, and so this trip is the sort of bonding experience that is riddled with all sorts of discovery, especially as we have a small room to share for three weeks together. We are staying with a lovely host family. They are probably the kindest, most generous people I have ever met, and I am truly grateful for everything they offered us, including and not limited to, graciously ignoring all of my strange quirks.

It's about three in the morning and I am happily dreaming about nonsensical stuff. There's some sporting event, a contest, teams and all sorts of typical stress-inducing things going on. I'll spare you the details cause hearing about other people's dreams is BORING. I'll just say that I was on one side with all my friends, and we were gearing up for the big game. For some reason it was very quiet. The teams were trying to taunt each other without getting busted. I'm whispering things over to the other side, but nobody can hear me. Finally, I say to myself, "screw it, this is important!" So that is how, in the middle of the night while staying in the home of my kind multi-generational host family, I found myself yelling "PUSSSSSIEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

When I woke up in the morning, I casually said to my friend Noah, "Hey, did I scream 'Pussies!' in the middle of the night?" And she just smiled and said, "Yes, yes you did. What the hell?"
posted by iamkimiam at 7:43 AM on July 23, 2008 [10 favorites]


The screaming in my head one is the best example because it devolves from something that seems pretty horrifying but unique to a very small set of people to a discussion of other falling-asleep-weirdnesses that people were glad to learn happened to others too. That was a great reread.
posted by CunningLinguist at 8:00 AM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


The reason I keep returning to MetaFilter is the ongoing confirmation that I am not alone in my freakiness.
posted by never used baby shoes at 8:15 AM on July 23, 2008


Oh thank God, I thought I was the only one who screamed "PUSSSSSIEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" in my sleep when I'm in Oaxaca.
posted by Divine_Wino at 8:18 AM on July 23, 2008 [5 favorites]


This AskMe post blows...

I got as far as this and was already like "hey waitaminute...." then I read the rest and calmed down. Do other people do this too? Ah yes I just have to google "grumblebee jessamyn insane" and I have my answer.

Xelf, you should put that list on the wiki, it's great.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 8:24 AM on July 23, 2008


And for those wondering, Merlin Mann has already mentioned this AskMe thread on 43 Folders.
posted by booticon at 8:25 AM on July 23, 2008


Yeah, I guess we should learn to let these things go... these stupid things we do that can't be changed. Our brains just keep replaying them.

I guess PTSD is like this, only 10000000000000 times stronger (with worse memories).
posted by chuckdarwin at 8:30 AM on July 23, 2008


S'up Cohenim.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:54 AM on July 23, 2008


S'up Cohenim.

Aw, you know, chillin'
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 9:00 AM on July 23, 2008


*Leonards cohenim*
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:06 AM on July 23, 2008


One of the amazing powers of AskMe is the surprise "I am not a freak" validation it often supplies.

No. It's not that you are not a freak. It's just that we all are.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:09 AM on July 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


Xelf, I just realized I've asked a question before on chronic repetitive misspelling that could probably make your list.
posted by allkindsoftime at 9:21 AM on July 23, 2008


Do I need a new AskMe to find out how many other people have elaborate imaginary conversations that, if strict control is not exercised, are conducted out loud? Or can we just do that here?
posted by desuetude at 9:45 AM on July 23, 2008 [2 favorites]


Guilty.
posted by dame at 10:19 AM on July 23, 2008


iamkimiam: I get the same sound barrier in many of my dreams , had others verify that I'm actually making noise (though almost always unintelligible), and once woken up during speaking. I've had so many lucid dreams, dreams about dreams, dreams about lucid dreams, dreams about waking up, and dreams about sleeping by now that I'll even notice the strained effort to speak while I'm still dreaming. I know that I'm actually trying to talk in reality, and occasionally I've tried to talk to my girlfriend from within my dream. She's never noticed, though, probably because she's asleep too.
posted by ErWenn at 11:15 AM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Before I resort to MeFi Mails, can anyone describe the physical method for manubriosternum popping? I pop pretty much everything else on my body, but this is the first I've heard of this, and it sounds delightful.
posted by SpiffyRob at 11:44 AM on July 23, 2008


I just have to thrust my shoulders back and it pops. I can't do it all the time though. What happens is I can feel it getting progressively tighter and uncomfortable for days, at a certain point I know it's poppable and *click*, blessed relief.
posted by Mitheral at 11:59 AM on July 23, 2008


Yeah, a good DEEP breath while stretching your arms back (as if you're stretching your pectoral muscles) somewhat quickly is usually what triggers that particular crack. But I can't do it on purpose like my knuckles, it kind of has to be ready for it, or something....
posted by Grither at 12:22 PM on July 23, 2008


Holy shit.

KirTakat's answer in the brain idling thread Xelf linked is almost exactly what I do. I'll do the music playing thing that so many people in that thread are talking about too, but I mostly tell myself a story, especially when I'm falling asleep. Mine also took root in my teenage years. The only difference is that mine is different stories about the same characters over and over and over again. Different retellings of the same basic story with the same characters. I keep trying to write a definitive version of it, but it never seems to work right on the page.

Crazy indeed.
posted by Caduceus at 12:27 PM on July 23, 2008


Oh, ya'll wear fedoras too?!

And yes, I do. You want to make something of it?

I do not however proposition random women on the street. That's pretty weird.
posted by Caduceus at 12:31 PM on July 23, 2008


Oh my sky wizard.

That was unbelievably satisfying. I feel like I've just opened a door that I'll never be able to close, but I'm fine with that. I totally see what both of you mean about it not being something you can just do whenever you feel like it, rather that it needs to sort of "prime" itself. It's the same thing whenever I try to pop my back.

Thank you so much!
posted by SpiffyRob at 1:54 PM on July 23, 2008


This is a great post that reminds me why I no longer post answers in Askme. *gurns* "Idiot, you're such an idiot."
posted by Elmore at 3:11 PM on July 23, 2008


When trying to fall asleep, does anybody else here pretend they are Robocop? And I mean like sexy Robocop?
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:52 PM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


When I'm trying to fall asleep, I mentally stilt-walk or bike up the walls and then across the ceiling upside down. But everyone does that, right? Riiiight?
posted by moonmilk at 3:58 PM on July 23, 2008


Half the time, I want to hug half of you for making me feel normal. Half the time, I want to slug half of you for making me feel normal.

and I flip a double-headed coin to decide ...
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 4:24 PM on July 23, 2008


I'm one of your gang, desuetude. I have whole conversations out loud (just me talking, but I stay quiet for when they're answering (if I let them answer!)) I'm usually remembering situations but oftentimes they are situations that I wish had happened. I do it mostly when I'm in the car and when the kids are with me they'll make me stop because it's not fun listening to Mummy's brain, apparently.
posted by h00py at 6:33 PM on July 23, 2008


Afroblanco, I do the conversations while walking down the street all the time. Unless someone I know sees me, I don't even care anymore. I'm usually re-doing a conversation better, or having a conversation or argument that I wish I'd had. Sometimes it's just hypothetical situations, though. But yeah, in these conversations, my arguments are always superior.

I don't generally do this aloud at home. My guy does, though. It's a little odd to hear him talking to the mirror, but hey, who am I to judge?

h00py, i don't stay quiet when the other side is answering, but I mumble their answers less clearly than my own.
posted by desuetude at 8:04 PM on July 23, 2008


Do I need a new AskMe to find out how many other people have elaborate imaginary conversations that, if strict control is not exercised, are conducted out loud?

::timidly raises hand::
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:52 PM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


OK, how many of of you move your lips along while the person you're listening to is talking?

Well, cut it out!!!! It's annoying as hell!!!!!

Oops, sorry, that probably missed the spirit of inclusiveness we are all striving for. But damn.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:41 PM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


Do I need a new AskMe to find out how many other people have elaborate imaginary conversations that, if strict control is not exercised, are conducted out loud?

I do this, and have ever since I was a kid, when I didn't have that control you speak of. When at home, I typically direct my conversation at the cat or the rabbit. No, they don't talk back.
posted by cabingirl at 9:46 PM on July 23, 2008 [1 favorite]


I enjoyed the "brain idling" thread, and I wish I could have posted an answer there, because I didn't see any other answer similar to the thing I do when my brain is on hold. I look for the nearest object, preferably flat (usually a wall), and figure out how I can direct my gaze such that, if it were a laser, it would ricochet off that object and then nearby objects in such a way that it would eventually hit the ceiling. I can't just look up, because I'm usually talking to other people. If there are things on the ceiling, like light bulbs or a fire alarm, my gaze would have to miss them. So annoying, but so...necessary.
posted by A dead Quaker at 10:24 PM on July 23, 2008


Do I need a new AskMe to find out how many other people have elaborate imaginary conversations that, if strict control is not exercised, are conducted out loud? Or can we just do that here?

Er, yep, I do that.

My middle child does it too, but the other two don't, which made me wonder if it's somehow genetic. (If it were environmental/learned behavior from me, I'd think they'd all do it to some extent, which isn't the case.)
posted by elfgirl at 2:27 AM on July 24, 2008


OK, how many of of you move your lips along while the person you're listening to is talking?
<raises hand> Guilty. Or I was, until my then partner asked me, years ago, "Do you always know what I'm going to say before I say it? Because you always mouth my words with me." I was baffled and befuddled, but sure enough, I was doing it. And, that's exactly what I was thinking about just before I read your comment, so maybe it is because I'm psychic. (Psychic/psycho, what's a letter or two among friends?)

Oh, and I do the imaginary conversation thing, too, but usually the only part that I verbalize is where I say, "No," as I should have said in the first place.

I love the Metafilter "I may be a freak, but I am not alone" phenomenon.
posted by notashroom at 9:43 AM on July 24, 2008


Oki, posted the list on the wiki -- glad y'all enjoyed it. :) Feel free to add to it if you know any others.
posted by Xelf at 11:50 AM on July 24, 2008


After reading Xelf's list of "me-too!" AskMes, I'm convinced that I am a freak for not being able to relate one whit to the vast majority of them.

I feel painfully normal. Is there anyone else like me, or am I freak suffering all alone in my un-freakishness?
posted by grapefruitmoon at 12:06 PM on July 24, 2008


omg grapefruitmoon i feel that way too!
posted by cortex (staff) at 12:08 PM on July 24, 2008


OK, how many of of you move your lips along while the person you're listening to is talking?

My granny does this.
posted by mewithoutyou at 8:22 PM on July 24, 2008


The "brain idling" thread is really interesting. I wish I could have been able to add a post when the thread was open... (Does anybody else get "stuck" with kind of still pictures of places they've been fixed in their mind's eye? It happens to me when I'm either really concentrating or really tired: I'll be "seeing" the view from my old front porch, or a particular intersection or a corridor in my old high school... there seems to be no rhyme or reason to which scene it will be, and it can be the same one for weeks at a time. Or sometimes it's an image from an article, and will come with text attached. There was this week on the summer of 2002 when I had a hellish pile of marking to do under deadline and it seemed that every part of my brain that wasn't handing out B minuses was obsessing over a description of how to cook shad roe which I had just read in the New Yorker or Atlantic. And I don't even know what a shad is, really. The whole thing can actually be annoying and distracting. And then there's the tapping out syllables when people are talking thing.)
posted by jokeefe at 8:51 PM on July 24, 2008


Anyone here ever wake up laughing? I've done it twice, and it's delightful. The first time was for no apparent cause, I was just filled with good humour. It felt like the laughter equivalent of a wet dream, as in part of my brain just got triggered by my sleeping mind.

The second time was because I had a funny dream, woke up and kept chuckling for a while, thinking about how genuinely funny and clever the dream was, then as I woke up realised it just wasn't funny at all. Something about an object falling into some mud and getting dirty. Humour that might amuse a 3 year old.

I love all this `me too!' stuff, it makes me feel deeply connected to everyone.

Metafilter : Because your weird quirk is shared by millions.
posted by tomble at 9:07 PM on July 24, 2008


Yes, I've woken myself up laughing. It is kind of nice (although startling to my partner).

I've also "heard" myself laughing "behind the scenes" of the dream (it's the observing me that's laughing, not the me in the dream).
posted by ottereroticist at 11:17 PM on July 24, 2008


You're all freaks.
posted by pompomtom at 5:22 AM on July 25, 2008


Do I need a new AskMe to find out how many other people have elaborate imaginary conversations that, if strict control is not exercised, are conducted out loud? Or can we just do that here?

Heh. I do that all the time. And I occasionally mouth the words instead of saying them out loud. I don't know which one would look stranger to a passerby.
posted by lullaby at 11:18 AM on July 25, 2008


Re: endearments to past loves: My ex did that to me one time on the phone (we split up amicably years ago, and we've stayed friends). As part of the goodbyes she casually sang out "I love you!" - I swear I could immediately feel waves of beet-red blushing coming through the phone. Her claim was that since we'd been talking at length about our son, he was on her mind at the end of the call and she forgot she wasn't talking TO him. I believed her, honestly, and didn't tease her too much about it. I laughed after I hung up, though.

Oh, and thanks Xelf for providing so many amazing links to this newbie that I'll be up all night excitedly trying to absorb all of them in one freakin' sitting, and thanks to everyone else for prompting too many "me too" impulses to count (or go into detail on).
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:44 PM on July 26, 2008


Anyone here ever wake up laughing?

No, but once I dreamed I was a little old Christian lady from Texas, and I saw some gays holding hands in a park in San Francisco (I was visiting my sister, who lost her buttocks and all of her hair in a tram accident), and I woke up wagging my finger and spewing invective until my false teeth flew across the room and startled the cat. Then I started crying because I looked at the alarm clock and I had only fifteen minutes until I had to get up anyway. Thanks for nothing, San Francisco gays!
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:27 PM on July 27, 2008


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