It's just a question September 10, 2008 12:56 PM   Subscribe

How to respond to pushy barstards

I've posted a couple of questions, one of which apparently riled up a number of condescending wedding-goers. I wasn't prepared for the judges and jury business; I was merely asking a question.

I noticed another question today, posted by another Mefite. Again, I thought the responses he got were a little over the top for the simplicity of the question asked. Sometimes wondering about a thing can just be wondering about a thing. We're mostly all grownups here. I'm not asking to be handled with kid gloves either. But c'mon already, why all the bossy-bossertonism?

Is there an appropriate way to respond to those kinds of pushy AskMefi responses w/out starting a flamewar? Is a response even appropriate? What can I say if I'm not the OP?

[for clarity's sake: I haven't researched this question. And I haven't posted it on the AskMefi section, because I'm temporarily a little too cowed (chickenshit?) to do it. Even so, I'd appreciate reading your thoughtful feedback.]
posted by mcbeth to Etiquette/Policy at 12:56 PM (121 comments total)

Is there an appropriate way to respond to those kinds of pushy AskMefi responses w/out starting a flamewar?

Flag. Let the mods decide what stays. Use e-mail if you want to be heard, either to the mods or to the offending poster you want to debate.

Is a response even appropriate?

Beyond flagging, not in the Ask thread, no. Comments must be answers to questions or clarifications on the question from the OP.

What can I say if I'm not the OP?

If you don't have an answer to the question, nothing.
posted by middleclasstool at 1:07 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


It's the internet. Everyone thinks they're a goddamn expert.
posted by nineRED at 1:08 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


Yeah. Flag. Then walk away, shaking your head, and saying, "Wow, there's a lot of assholes on MetaFilter."
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 1:10 PM on September 10, 2008 [4 favorites]


Also, I'm not seeing anything like bullying in either of those threads. Some curt responses, but nothing over-the-top, unless something's been deleted.
posted by middleclasstool at 1:11 PM on September 10, 2008


If it were done when 'tis done, then 'twere well
It were done quickly: if the assassination
Could trammel up the consequence, and catch
With his surcease success; that but this blow
Might be the be-all and the end-all here,
But here, upon this bank and shoal of time,
We'ld jump the life to come. But in these cases
We still have judgment here;
that we but teach
Bloody instructions, which, being taught, return
To plague the inventor:
this even-handed justice
Commends the ingredience of our poison'd chalice
To our own lips.
posted by plexi at 1:16 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


When the question itself is phrased in condescending, judgmental terms, one shouldn't be surprised when one receives answers in a similar tone.

selfish twits

general uselessness of most of their registry items

selfish friends

my slightly attention-whoreish pal

C'monnnnn!

posted by desjardins at 1:17 PM on September 10, 2008 [19 favorites]


Your question was filled with pejorative, judgemental and condescending language about the people you had a dilemma over - in fact, it seemed as much an opportunity for you to vent as a question you wanted answering. Similar case, to a slightly lesser extent, with the other question you highlight. The attitude of the question sets the tone for the responses, because that's how people's minds operate. (That's not even considering potential answerers who might themselves be 50+, well-off people approaching their own wedding, who might take your disgust personally?)

Even on this post, don't you think that leading it off by calling some of your fellow MeFites "barstards" might not be the best way to get you helpful, polite responses?
posted by flashboy at 1:19 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Not calling them bastards might be a good start, just sayin'.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:23 PM on September 10, 2008 [7 favorites]


Not calling them bastards barstards might be a good start, just sayin'.

/spell checked/
posted by grateful at 1:26 PM on September 10, 2008


I haven't researched this question. And I haven't posted it on the AskMefi section, because I'm temporarily a little too cowed (chickenshit?) to do it.

Your caution has saved your butt on this one. This sort of meta question is very much something to bring up here (as you have) and not okay on AskMe.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:31 PM on September 10, 2008


Wow. You're pretty much reaping what you sow, here. The wedding question was phrased badly in particular.

Trust me. I know hyperbolic, shrill rhetoric. I could teach a graduate program on it.

In the wrong context it most often backfires and irritates your readers, and it will goad them into a similar tone of response.
posted by loquacious at 1:33 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


But c'mon already, why all the bossy-bossertonism?

Why not the bossy-bossertonism? If someone asks for me to tell them what to do, I'll tell them what to do. What do you want, a cookie?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:37 PM on September 10, 2008 [9 favorites]


you're kinda insufferable, aren't you?
posted by Stynxno at 1:37 PM on September 10, 2008 [5 favorites]


^ i meant the poster
posted by Stynxno at 1:38 PM on September 10, 2008 [4 favorites]


Have you ever been in a pub or bar with a group of friends and you get sassy with your friends after a pitcher or two? That's what I (apparently, poorly) was aiming for with 'barstards'. I'm trying to express a fondness + frustration, like calling someone you care about a knucklehead and giving them a noogie after they do something that troubles you. Can't explain it much better so I'll simply take the note(s). Yes, yes yes, I got it. I see. I was wrong. My own post, which seems to be garnering the responses here, was poorly phrased and I should not have written it using the words I used. I was wrong. Got it.

I now also understand the flagging thing better, the 'say nothing unless you have an actual answer to contribute' and the 'where to post what' stuff.

Thanks for the information (and the pretty poem, plexi).
posted by mcbeth at 1:38 PM on September 10, 2008


Also, to be more helpful, it's totally okay to graciously tell someone in AskMe "hey I don't really think this is going to go the way you want it to go" and then leave it alone. What's really sort of verboten is fighty talk and we're more lenient with the original poster of a question then we are with people following up. So if a question says "why are people such jerks?" they're less liukely to get an optimal response than if they were asking something like "I'm trying to figure out why people react this way when I do this thing..." I'm not trying to squeeze all the life out of AskMe but sometimes when you sound less emotional you tend to encourage less-emotional responses. Plus, if you think someone's just being a raging asshole, you're welcome to email us as well.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:42 PM on September 10, 2008


Sometimes wondering about a thing can just be wondering about a thing.

But c'mon already, why all the bossy-bossertonism?

It would probably be good to apply that first statement to your question. Sometimes, people are just assholish or you touch a sensitive nerve without meaning. Forget it and let those nattering nabobs of negativity go from your mind.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:42 PM on September 10, 2008


What do you want, a cookie?

Two, please. Thank you.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 1:44 PM on September 10, 2008


This was another AskMe (deleted) that went completely off the rails because of the way it was framed.

Sometimes less information is better.
posted by rtha at 1:46 PM on September 10, 2008


Hi, I'm a pushy bastard.

In the anonymous example, if the question asked had been limited specifically to unemployment and severance then the answers would've been limited to that subject. But the question also included paragraphs of (somewhat ranty) details about the job, which made it clear that info about unemployment would be pretty much irrelevant to the questioner's actual situation. So most of the answers, including mine, addressed the job situation in general as well as the unemployment question.

Your wedding question is awfully similar in both tone and structure, and so was the pattern of responses.

In short: if you want specific answers to a specific question, ask the specific question and be done with it. If you fill in all sorts of other details, don't be surprised when people respond to those as well.
posted by ook at 1:56 PM on September 10, 2008


Have you ever been in a pub or bar with a group of friends and you get sassy with your friends after a pitcher or two? That's what I (apparently, poorly) was aiming for with 'barstards'

Alas, that assumed spirit of camaraderie does not exist on Metafilter at large (and certainly not in Metatalk). We (and by we, I mean the community) don't know each other that well, so vague sarcasm is generally taken at face value. It's best to frame one's questions, suggestions and complaints as plainly and respectfully as possible.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 1:57 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


Gifts for any occasion are not entry tickets or compensation for the invitation. They should be a memento of the occasion, an expression of your good wishes for the recipient.
magstheaxe has an excellent observation in the AskMe thread. It is regrettable that people take the advice of those who are in the business of profiting from gifts for special occasions instead of using common sense.
posted by Cranberry at 1:59 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Which one would you be more likely to answer helpfully?

"I'm going to a wedding and can't afford the gifts in the couple's registry. What can I do for them instead?"

Or

"WTF is up with these attention whores??! These people are rich and spoiled! Gawd! I don't think I even like them anymore! Do I HAVE to get them something? SHEESH."
posted by katillathehun at 2:05 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


I thought the wedding question was funny. And I thought some of the responses ("Oh, heavens, you're not going to this wedding with the proper attitude, therefore you mustn't attend") were sort of ... well, divorced from the reality of our social obligations and experiences. (Have you never attended an obligatory slash ridiculous wedding? Seriously, never? Well, I have. Several times. Me: all pleasant and appropriate on the outside, all eye-rolly inside. It gets me through.)

But then again I'm drawn to people with bad attitudes (and who describe said attitudes in humorious detail), what can I say.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 2:09 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


Oh. Yeah. Right. Vague sarcasm is sooooo taken at face value!

I see what I did there.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 2:14 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


We're mostly all grownups here. I'm not asking to be handled with kid gloves either. But c'mon already, why all the bossy-bossertonism?

bossy bossertonism? It's okay. You can call people assholes here if you want.

Is there an appropriate way to respond to those kinds of pushy AskMefi responses w/out starting a flamewar? Is a response even appropriate? What can I say if I'm not the OP?

the answers to these questions are, in order, no. no. and nothing. as has been mentioned above, askme is only for answers to the questions, even if someone else is violating those guidelines by being a dick.

And I haven't posted it on the AskMefi section, because I'm temporarily a little too cowed (chickenshit?) to do it.

and you came here hoping for better treatment? oh man, good luck with that. either way, welcome to metatalk. helmets are on the left, pitchforks on the right, tar and feathers down the hall.
posted by shmegegge at 2:24 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


How to respond to pushy barstards [more inside]
posted by mcbeth to etiquette/policy at 2:56 PM


Stab them in their sleep?
posted by shakespeherian at 2:33 PM on September 10, 2008 [5 favorites]


It's funny 'cause it's shakespearian and mcbeth!
posted by fixedgear at 2:36 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


Have you barstards eaten all the cookies, because I want one too. Sheesh!

The nice thing about askme is that it is very easy to ignore the answers that you don't like: the rude, off the point, just plain crazy answers. Of course sometimes the answers that are spot on often get ignored too.
posted by Elmore at 2:40 PM on September 10, 2008


Thanks for the information (and the pretty poem, plexi).
posted by mcbeth at 1:38 PM on September 10 [+] [!]

I'm sorry. I've got to say it. I'm sure it's obvious to everyone else. And I hope that mcbeth was being understatedly clever. But...

The on-topic "pretty poem" is Shakespeare. From Macbeth. Get it? --sigh--
posted by lothar at 2:41 PM on September 10, 2008


also, that poem plexi posted is from Macbeth.
posted by shmegegge at 2:42 PM on September 10, 2008


dammit.
posted by shmegegge at 2:43 PM on September 10, 2008


In the anonymous example, if the question asked had been limited specifically to unemployment and severance then the answers would've been limited to that subject.

I think this is the key here. I asked a question recently where I was looking for a good way to phrase my response to a situation I'm in. I ended up with some good answers, but I also ended up with a several people trying to tell me why I was in the situation in the first place. Because I hadn't posted asking for opinions on my character, I hadn't provided all the info required for anyone to really reach a conclusion regarding it, but reach it and post they did.

I realized afterwards that I shouldn't have provided quite so much info. It seemed, when I was posting, that it would be the best way for me to get the best answers, but often it ends up distracting everyone from what the actual question is. It also widens the scope to where more people feel compelled to post an opinion. Whereas anyone can weigh in on whether or not they think you're a bastard, not as many are familiar with NY labor laws or wedding ettiquite. So you end up a higher noise to signal ratio.

I guess brevity is the soul of askme?
posted by FortyT-wo at 2:46 PM on September 10, 2008


"Plus, if you think someone's just being a raging asshole, you're welcome to email us as well."

At last, my days will be filled with useful tasks....

I'm thinking the first one I want to talk about is GWB.... we'll move down the ladder from there...
posted by HuronBob at 2:57 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


mcbeth: I noticed another question today, posted by another Mefite.

I understand you're probably calling me out, since the first few responses (the first one starting "huh?") are from me.

The "simplicity of the question" was: "Can I demand to be fired so that I can collect unemployment insurance?" Yeah, that's not illegal, but just almost - heck, it could be in some situations, particularly if deception is involved, as it certainly would have to be to pull it off - and it's a pretty shrill response to a difficult situation at work. It's more likely to escalate the matter than resolve it. I said so. If a friend of mind came to me and suggested this kind of plan, I'd say the same thing. I'm not being bossy in saying so, I don't think; the poster asked, so I gave my opinion: 'the option you're considering will do no one any good.'

Is there an appropriate way to respond to those kinds of pushy AskMefi responses w/out starting a flamewar? Is a response even appropriate? What can I say if I'm not the OP?

"koeselitz, I don't think the poster is being that shrill - she or he is just asking a question. Anon: maybe you should talk to your boss. Do you think discussing it would work well?"

It's fine to disagree with another comment so long as that disagreement isn't the primary content of your answer. But if that disagreement is going to help the asker get an answer, in your opinion - go for it. Just make sure you're primarily addressing the original poster.

I've posted a couple of questions, one of which apparently riled up a number of condescending wedding-goers.

You thought the answers were condescending? Did you reread the question? It was just a long rant about how you think their registry is ridiculous! I thought you knew that- you admitted later on in that question that your attitude was a little over the top.
posted by koeselitz at 3:08 PM on September 10, 2008


Hey, OP, I totally feel you. I recently went through an even more ridiculous scenario where rich friend decided to have his completely over the top wedding in a remote location in France with wedding related activities spanning an entire week. I got an insane amount of pressure and guilt tripping over not going, despite the fact that cost of the trip would have consumed a substantial amount of my social worker's annual income. I was pretty stressed out about the whole thing and if I had posted a question about it to AskMe it probably would have sounded like yours. I think some people with their wedding expectations (multiple days, expensive registries) are completely off the chain, but, then again, of course I do, because I'm one flat broke mother fucker. I'm sure if I had that kind of money I would have a wedding cake made from cocaine, a swimming pool full of Cristal back at the hotel and Keith Richards MCing the shit.
posted by The Straightener at 3:13 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


mcbeth: Have you ever been in a pub or bar with a group of friends and you get sassy with your friends after a pitcher or two? That's what I (apparently, poorly) was aiming for with 'barstards'. I'm trying to express a fondness + frustration, like calling someone you care about a knucklehead and giving them a noogie after they do something that troubles you.

It sounds weird, but I suddenly understand perfectly the tone of the question you mention above and of this post. You're not being vindictive or mean or pissy; you're just communicating by blowing off steam.

Hm. Interesting. That's kinda cool.

Anyhow, you shouldn't sit so close. In fact, you should probably move one stool down. That fourth shot of Glenlivet isn't sitting too well with the taco I had a few hours ago, and those shoes you're wearing look sort of new.
posted by koeselitz at 3:16 PM on September 10, 2008


What the fuck? Who ate all of my worm cookies?
posted by loquacious at 3:24 PM on September 10, 2008


I'm sure if I had that kind of money I would have a wedding cake made from cocaine, a swimming pool full of Cristal back at the hotel and Keith Richards MCing the shit.

DAMMIT. That's what we should have done! Fuck, it's two weeks away, too late to change plans now.
posted by desjardins at 3:25 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Well, goddammit, give me your next shot of Glenlivet. I can hold my single-malt.
posted by languagehat at 3:26 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Who does shots of single malt whisky? What is wrong with you people?
posted by fixedgear at 3:31 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


One can order a shot without doing a shot.

And I, too, can hold languagehat's single malt.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:41 PM on September 10, 2008


My favorite thing in the world:

Bartender 1: "What can I getcha?"
cortex: "Glenlivet, neat."
B1: "..."
B1: "Straight up, or on the rocks?"
c: "..."
c: "Straight up, please."

[time passes]

Bartender 2: "What'll you have?"
c: "Glenlivet, straight up."
B2: "..."
B2: "You want it neat?"
c: "..."
c: "YES PLEASE"

posted by cortex (staff) at 3:44 PM on September 10, 2008 [5 favorites]


Funnily enough (because I don't often haunt MetaTalk) I took part in that punchy AskMe, & realized at the time - with a shock - that I appeared vastly in the minority for approving of every tart syllable in mcbeth's original post.

My hunch is that Brits would have been rather less judgmental than Americans of mcbeth's caustic tone.

Brits would - I suspect - also have bristled at being actively encouraged to shower a solvent 50-something couple - now racking up five marriages between them - with pricey geegaws from a registry.

But possibly this is because the British are still - unattractively - a bit sniffy about 2nd and 3rd marriages, and the associated idea that they should reap exactly the same hullaballo as a first wedding?

Actually, maybe we're just cheap! And vaguely hypocritical too. (I'm sure divorce rates are roughly the same).

Still, I was surprised at how much scolding there was.

(I love weddings & I've been to tons of brilliant ones in the US and the UK. But I tend to enjoy all the funny bits that go slightly wrong too!)
posted by Jody Tresidder at 4:01 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


You're all a bunch of selfish twit barstards. Now for my question: why don't you like me?
posted by Damn That Television at 4:04 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


Well, goddammit, give me your next shot of Glenlivet. I can hold my single-malt.

Dear God in Heaven! Shots of Glenlivet and a hyphen in single malt??? I've never had an internet crush die this hard.
posted by weebil at 4:04 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


I feel like we must be tripping across some cultural/regional vocabulary variance here. A shot is a unit of measurement where I come from, regardless of how long one spends putting it away.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:16 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Right there with you on the hyphen, though. WTF.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:17 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


People, please. It's a dram.
posted by Lemurrhea at 4:30 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


Shot? Hells, folks gets shot fer asking fer Frenchified pints 'round these here parts.

Best put that beer back in a can where it was born.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 4:34 PM on September 10, 2008


cortex: "My favorite thing in the world:

Bartender 1: "What can I getcha?"
cortex: "Glenlivet, neat."
B1: "..."
B1: "Straight up, or on the rocks?"
c: "..."
c: "Straight up, please."

[time passes]

Bartender 2: "What'll you have?"
c: "Glenlivet, straight up."
B2: "..."
B2: "You want it neat?"
c: "..."
c: "YES PLEASE"
"

And then:

Bartender 3: "What'cha havin'?"
kk: "Glenlivet, neat."
B3: "..."
kk: "...straight up."
B3: "Ah. Gotcha. You want that chilled?"
kk: "..."
posted by krippledkonscious at 4:34 PM on September 10, 2008


YOUR DOIN IT RONG

If I may be a Scotch prescriptivist for a moment here, you don't want to order a shot, because you don't want your Scotch in a shot glass. You want it in a rocks glass (aka a Scotch glass). And while you want it unadulterated by your local tap water (unless you're in Scotland), you want some bottled water to add to the Scotch.

Unless, of course, you're getting drunk on cheap Scotch… But then, you woulda got a blended, right?
posted by klangklangston at 4:48 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'll be having a nip thanks, although I'll settle for a jigger.
posted by tellurian at 4:51 PM on September 10, 2008


But if you are appropriating perfectly good single malt that someone on the verge of tossing it back up on a neighbor's shoes has, for whatever reason, received in what is not at this point unambiguously a shot glass but we'll run with that anyway for the rest of this sentence, then, yes: you bloody well want it in that shot glass.

But a shot of scotch in a nice scotch glass is still a shot of scotch. I don't think I've ever ordered a shot of scotch ("[optional 'a'] [name of scotch], please" usually does it) or ever been served my scotch in a shot glass, but if Bartender 4 felt the need to clarify by asking me, for whatever reason, if what I asked for was a shot of scotch, I would answer yes, please, very much because that's how much I want, dammit, yes, make with the scotch.

In related news, I'm out of scotch.
posted by cortex (staff) at 4:55 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm sipping a little Laphroaig Quarter Cask as I type. It's in a tulip shaped glass with a stem, since I am a fancy pants kind of guy. Swirl and smell and all that.

We have a great local bar that not only celebrates St. Patrick's day, but also St. Andrew's day. St. Andrew is the patron saint of Scotland. They had Scoth eggs, Scotch ales, and some really nice single malts that I had never tried. We ordered some, errr, shots, and true to the neighborhood bar origins of the place, my really nice (and pretty expensive) single malt was served in a shot glass. A lowball or rocks glass would have been fine, so we gently suggested that on our next round. It has to breathe...
posted by fixedgear at 5:16 PM on September 10, 2008


"But a shot of scotch in a nice scotch glass is still a shot of scotch. I don't think I've ever ordered a shot of scotch ("[optional 'a'] [name of scotch], please" usually does it) or ever been served my scotch in a shot glass, but if Bartender 4 felt the need to clarify by asking me, for whatever reason, if what I asked for was a shot of scotch, I would answer yes, please, very much because that's how much I want, dammit, yes, make with the scotch."

The proper answer there is: Make it a fucking double, you squint-eyed bastard, I'm drinkin' 'til you're cute.
posted by klangklangston at 5:22 PM on September 10, 2008


Is there an appropriate way to respond to those kinds of pushy AskMefi responses w/out starting a flamewar?

"BACK THE FUCK UP, CHUCKLES."
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:23 PM on September 10, 2008 [5 favorites]


*gives Scotch blessing*
posted by tellurian at 5:27 PM on September 10, 2008


Scotch tape: great adhesive, or greatest adhesive?
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:29 PM on September 10, 2008


Dear God in Heaven! Shots of Glenlivet and a hyphen in single malt??? I've never had an internet crush die this hard.

OK, in the first place, I was quoting koeselitz ("That fourth shot of Glenlivet isn't sitting too well with the taco I had a few hours ago"). In the second place, what cortex said about shots as a unit of measurement; anyone who would even think about "doing a shot" (repellent phrase) of a fine scotch whiskey (and by "think" I mean "the idea would occur to them," as in interpreting my phrase that way) is lower than the film of unidentifiable slimy substances on the floor of the men's room of your local no-name bar. And re the hyphen: I was using "single-malt" elliptically, as short for "single-malt scotch." It could certainly be used without the hyphen in that context, I grant you, and were I doing it over again, I might have so used it, simply to avoid controversy. BUT, and I think you will find this particular point unassailable:

In related news, I'm out of scotch.

I, on the other hand, have two varieties of Glenmorangie on hand.
posted by languagehat at 5:33 PM on September 10, 2008 [1 favorite]


I have some decent rum that's actually pretty sippable as far as that goes, but the label might as well read "HAITI ~ c. 1837 ~ YOU ARE OUT OF SCOTCH" when you get right down to it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 5:41 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


I...have two varieties of Glenmorangie on hand

IANA dermatologist, but you might want to get that looked at.
posted by turgid dahlia at 5:43 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


Someone should start talking about banana daiquiris.
posted by An Infinity Of Monkeys at 6:07 PM on September 10, 2008


People on AskMe generally do address whatever they see as problematic in a question. The original poster may not agree that his or her attitude is part of the problem, or that he or she has misconstrued the possible solution, but the people who answer are going to call it like they see it.

Honestly, I don't see that the answers to the unemployment question are at all out of line. The poster does need a reality check, and the answers are mostly just matter-of-fact.

I wasn't prepared for the judges and jury business; I was merely asking a question.

If you'd just said, "I'm going to a wedding for two people who are 50+ and have everything and I can't afford anything on their gift registry — what should I give them?" that would have been "just asking a question" and you would have gotten the answers you wanted. Instead you gave us all kind of details about your obnoxious attitude towards this wedding and the bride and groom, and so yeah, people addressed the matter of your attitude.
posted by orange swan at 6:45 PM on September 10, 2008


How the hell did I miss the scotch discussion?

Oh yeah. I was driving home from work.

Anybody who still wants scotch, come on over. We have a stupid amount of whisky. And some whiskey as well, I believe.

But you'll drink it - slowly! - out of a proper glass, okay? None of this tossing-it-back-in-a-gulp-so-you-can't-even-taste-it business.
posted by rtha at 6:53 PM on September 10, 2008


so...very...thirsty...
posted by UbuRoivas at 7:39 PM on September 10, 2008


some restaurant i went to recently had a mango martini on the menu. that sounds so good right now.

also, I appreciate alliteration.
posted by desjardins at 7:47 PM on September 10, 2008


Scotch, scotch, scotch, down it goes, in my belly, yum yum yum.

(I actually don't like scotch, but I do like Anchorman.)

welcome to metatalk. helmets are on the left, pitchforks on the right, tar and feathers down the hall.

A word about the tar and feathers... the feathers have wandered off. It seems that someone did not do an adequate job of fully removing them from the chickens. I don't want to name any names, but there's gonna be one less dessert served on the long boat tonight.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 8:06 PM on September 10, 2008


Ah, well, if we're talking quotations and units of measurement, all is forgotten. (Would've said so sooner; got distracted by Spore.)

I feel like we must be tripping across some cultural/regional vocabulary variance here. A shot is a unit of measurement where I come from, regardless of how long one spends putting it away.

Yeah, probably. In my experience, folks here certainly use shot in lieu of ounce, jigger, or part when describing simple mixed drink recipes, but if you are describing a single serving of a sipping drink you'd most likely say "glass of [booze]." The general connotation of "shot" includes not just the serving size, but also the methods of serving and drinking.
posted by weebil at 8:11 PM on September 10, 2008


You. Bastards.

[I don't have to be on topic here, right?]

You damn scotch hoarding bastaaaaarrrrds.

oh crap, it's only wednesday.
posted by lothar at 8:52 PM on September 10, 2008


Someone should start talking about banana daiquiris

I prefer hickory daiquiris, doc.
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:03 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


some restaurant i went to recently had a mango martini on the menu. that sounds so good right now.

Except for the whole 'It's not a fecking martini' thing. It's a girly fruity cocktail that just happens to be served in a martini glass. Poor thing, pushed down from holding hallowed Gin and a tiny essence of spicy, herb-y wine to a receptacle for some lush's tarted up Slush Puppie...
posted by pupdog at 10:43 PM on September 10, 2008 [4 favorites]


A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, why don't you eat the peanuts yourself? "We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied. The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
posted by netbros at 10:47 PM on September 10, 2008 [3 favorites]


Who does shots of single malt whisky? What is wrong with you people?

Koreans. Doesn't matter if it's $500-a-bottle Good Stuff or cheap rotgut, they'll toss it back without even wetting their molars. Leads me, as so many things do, to the very precipice of despair. The precipice, I'm telling you!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:49 PM on September 10, 2008 [2 favorites]


are you stereotyping Koreans again?!??
posted by UbuRoivas at 10:59 PM on September 10, 2008


Yup, I totally am. BECAUSE I AM A RACIST.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:20 PM on September 10, 2008


[NOT RACIST]
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:20 PM on September 10, 2008


a-HA!

i knew you'd slip up, sooner or later.

and that last-minute backpedalling won't save you.
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:26 PM on September 10, 2008


Curses! My cunning plan would have worked, too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:47 PM on September 10, 2008


and you almost got away with it - dressing up as the ghost of a dead chinaman, complete with buck teeth, round glasses, and pigtails, saying "I haunt you rong time!" to scare us away from the secret stash of single malt...
posted by UbuRoivas at 12:05 AM on September 11, 2008


In related news, I'm out of scotch.

I wish to hug Cortex! May I? <>>>>>>

thank you.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:30 AM on September 11, 2008


Stupid, stupid html!!!!!

(((((((((Cortex)))))))))

There! That's better!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 1:31 AM on September 11, 2008


I'm not single, but I'll have some neat scotch, please. I can hold my bucket of Glenlivet straight up.
posted by taz at 2:44 AM on September 11, 2008


HEY!!!! MY BEST FRIEND IS KOREAN!!!!!!

She can really toss back the whiskey too!
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 5:59 AM on September 11, 2008


So's my wife. But she doesn't drink.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 6:09 AM on September 11, 2008


Hey taz - sorry, no Glenlivet. Glenfiddich, yeah. Also, Bowmore, or Jura. Oban? Any of those sound good?

*polishes tumblers*
posted by rtha at 7:01 AM on September 11, 2008


Yes to Bowmore and Oban. I like them eye luz. It was a hoot to go into a local liquor store and have the manager say 'iz lay.'
posted by fixedgear at 7:27 AM on September 11, 2008


ND: laphroaig 15 y.o. in a glencairn glass
posted by Joseph Gurl at 7:54 AM on September 11, 2008


Except for the whole 'It's not a fecking martini' thing.

I'm seriously considering registering a sockpuppet account so I can favorite that twice. God damnit this not-martini bullshit drives me nuts.
posted by The Man from Lardfork at 8:25 AM on September 11, 2008


Instead you gave us all kind of details about your obnoxious attitude towards this wedding and the bride and groom, and so yeah, people addressed the matter of your attitude.

Orange swan,
Not trying to pick on you specifically - but just because you expressed it well.

Surely the entire point of mcbeth's wedding etiquette question is the self-confessed obnoxious attitude!

That's what is getting in the way of knowing the correct form.

It's not simply an impoverished guest asking whether she has to pay the amount required for a registry-anointed gift.
Easy answer: "no, those gifts are suggestions only".

[Unless you are representing your government at a Royal British Wedding, in which case you should contact the Royal Keeper of the secret "B" Gift List if your government is strapped for cash. Which is, in fact, perfectly true!! The Royal Family also still has a catalog of the Queen's wedding gifts from all those years ago. So when she's visited by dignitaries from some obscure ex-colony, a flunky retrieves in advance whatever perfectly ghastly full size porcelain wildebeest etc that was gifted at the time & sticks it on a side table in full glorious view as if it's always been there!]

I truly think all these questions are infinitely more entertaining and useful if the asker doesn't feel inhibited by the need to come across as a delightful poppet!
posted by Jody Tresidder at 8:43 AM on September 11, 2008


You know what's not good? Scotch. Bourbon, now that's a drink.
posted by electroboy at 9:19 AM on September 11, 2008


Hey now, don't go hatin' on the scotch. (More for us if you don't like it, though, so feel free to not drink any.)

Bourbon's good, too.

And if anyone's looking for a really outstanding brandy: Germain-Robin Select Barrel XO. All their stuff is good, honestly.
posted by rtha at 9:29 AM on September 11, 2008


You know what's not good? Scotch. Bourbon, now that's a drink.

Both good. My personal tipple choice runs towards Irish Whiskey, but all God's Uisces have their place in my heart.
posted by pupdog at 9:37 AM on September 11, 2008


Bourbon for some, scotch for others. The Mefi Boozer Party believes in a big-tent theory of alcholic togetherness.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:42 AM on September 11, 2008


I'll bring the jagr!
Wait, no. No I won't.
posted by inigo2 at 9:50 AM on September 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


You can bring it up on charges if you like.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:55 AM on September 11, 2008


Ach, but for the drive, I'd visit the bay area just for the scotch.

Instead, my girl and I bought some rye on the way home from another mefite's house last night.
posted by klangklangston at 10:21 AM on September 11, 2008


One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer.
posted by fixedgear at 10:40 AM on September 11, 2008


I have to be honest: I'll drink anything that smells dangerous.
posted by Damn That Television at 10:48 AM on September 11, 2008


Damn That Television: In that case, I recommend Akavit. Or even more dangerous, Brennivín, which is an Icelandic schnapps that is also referred to as "The Black Death."
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:57 AM on September 11, 2008


Try grappa. Worst hangover of my life was thanks to grappa.

To be completely fair - to a drink that to me, tastes like stewed sweat socks - the grappa came at the end of a long day that had included brandy and beer and rum and hashish, so it probably wasn't solely to blame. Maybe.
posted by rtha at 11:19 AM on September 11, 2008


Akavit (or Aquavit) is OK, it's like drinking a rye bread. mmm, caraway seeds. I had a dill flavored one in Copenhagen that went well with fish. You need to try some really good grappa, the Banfi is really nice. It tastes like grape must.
posted by fixedgear at 11:43 AM on September 11, 2008


Ach, but for the drive, I'd visit the bay area just for the scotch.

Instead, my girl and I bought some rye on the way home from another mefite's house last night.


I thought only good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye.
posted by headnsouth at 11:54 AM on September 11, 2008


Why is no one representing for tequila? The warm, happy burn of a good tequila on the rocks -- scotch's got nothing on that.
posted by Ms. Saint at 12:19 PM on September 11, 2008


Tequilla starts out feeling like a hangover (for me). Ghastly.
posted by small_ruminant at 12:26 PM on September 11, 2008




I'll bring the jagr!

Bring the Jagr?
posted by turbodog at 1:02 PM on September 11, 2008


Bourbon for some, scotch for others. The Mefi Boozer Party believes in a big-tent theory of alcholic togetherness.

But it's more fun when we argue.
posted by electroboy at 1:04 PM on September 11, 2008


Yes, but it's essential that we get everybody inside the tent and drunk before we start arguing. If you think I'm going to stand around stone sober in the rain and discuss this, you're in the wrong line.
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:11 PM on September 11, 2008


I am unemployed, people! I am reduced to drinking Clan MacGregor over here! *sobs*
posted by trip and a half at 2:50 PM on September 11, 2008


I stand here in lonely defense of Tanqueray No. 10.
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:53 PM on September 11, 2008


I stand here in lonely defense of Tanqueray No. 10.

Not alone, my engorged & tuberous friend! No. 10, tonic, and key limes are summer staples. But after Labor Day, I do tend to set aside the white liquors in favor of the darker, peatier stuff.
posted by dogrose at 3:51 PM on September 11, 2008


I'm a proud member of the Vodka Party and I vote.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 4:37 PM on September 11, 2008


nd: Caol Ila
posted by Joseph Gurl at 6:13 PM on September 11, 2008


This is off topic, but has anyone had the Fritz Maytag spirits? Bourbon, rye, gin? I can't find them hereabouts.
posted by fixedgear at 6:45 PM on September 11, 2008


I have the rye (Old Potrero) and the gin (Junipero). Both are excellent. Fritz Maytag is a genius.
posted by trip and a half at 7:21 PM on September 11, 2008 [1 favorite]


Seconding the Junipero. Excellent stuff.
posted by rtha at 8:13 PM on September 11, 2008


I stand here in lonely defense of Tanqueray No. 10.

I'm having a negroni right now made with Tanqueray. It's like being pimp-slapped by the Kool Aid Man. Also, the red color in Campari? It's made from insects.

Ohhhhh yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh.
posted by middleclasstool at 9:09 PM on September 11, 2008


T* minus fifty here. So many tantalising suggestions above...which to have first?

*friday arvo beer o'clock
posted by UbuRoivas at 11:09 PM on September 11, 2008


Damn Aussies. Always getting drunk in the future, while I''m staring down the barrel of meetings. Long meetings. Boring meetings.
posted by dame at 6:57 AM on September 12, 2008


Quick update:

Having just (re-?*)watched Lost Highway last night, I can report that Fred does, at one point, in fact order two scotches, neat, one of which is ostensibly for his wife; and which he is served, with no delay or clarification from the bartender, in shot glasses; and which he then promptly knocks back, one after the other, as shots.

Mitigating factors:

1. He came to the bar with a glass that (I feel negligent about not having verified this) may well have been, itself, a shot glass, and which may well have itself contained scotch, and which may have been fetched to order in that fashion for the previous round, and not necessarily by Fred. Ergo, the bartender may have been trying to go with the customer's established proclivities in choosing that glass.

2. This was a house party. A rich, well-stocked house party, but a house party no less. Perhaps the selection of glasses was not as broad as one would expect in an actual drinking establishment. And perhaps it was late in the evening and they had somehow run through their tumblers and highball glasses and such. Or perhaps the bartender was trying to conserve said glassware for more voluminous cocktails (or even on-the-rocks orders). Perhaps.

3. Fred was clearly not a happy man already, and was wandering, in Lynchian fashion, into a deeply weird personal encounter with a sinister and mysterious figure, and may have downed the scotch in a quick double-tap not because he would normally treat scotch in that fashion or because he had mistaken himself for a cowboy, but because he was in some metaphysically complicated way bracing himself for what he could not have known was about to occur.

3b. Or perhaps, having been served scotch in a shot glass, Fred wanted merely to comfort (or mock, or call the bluff of) the bartender by treating the booze according to the container it had been delivered in.

4. David Lynch may just think that you serve scotch in a shot glass.
4b. Or it could be an LA house party thing.
4c. FUCK THAT SHIT! PABST BLUE RIBBON!

*I watched it once, years ago, on video, but it was very late and so I slept through enough of the film that it was actually more confusing yet than even watching the whole thing attentively.
posted by cortex (staff) at 9:38 AM on September 14, 2008


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