Top or bottom?

October 8, 2008 1:28 PM

This post has had me giggling like an idiot every time I see it in my recent activity feed.

Reading the thread without the original question is hilarious in the same immature way that adding "in bed" to fortunes is hilarious.

This is probably inappropriate, but I needed to share.

posted by backseatpilot to MetaFilter-Related at 1:28 PM (45 comments total)

Thank you so much backseatpilot. I'm stuck editing photos on the world's slowest computer and needed something to cheer me up/keep me busy.
posted by CitrusFreak12 at 1:30 PM on October 8, 2008

Is this givers-and-receivers funny, or butts-are-lol funny?
posted by cortex (staff) at 1:31 PM on October 8, 2008

I've always been a bottom myself. If you're on top you run the risk of falling off.
posted by Horace Rumpole at 1:39 PM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Here is a photo of CitrusFreak9, CitrusFreak12's boss, in front of the brand-new Citroën Abacus II workstation recently purchased by Consolidated Citric.
posted by Mister_A at 1:45 PM on October 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

Yeah, this is definitely funny in the same way that adding "hilarity ensues" onto the end of any plot summary is... well, hilarious.

Sometimes you have to appreciate the low-hanging LOLz(LOL-hanging fruit?).
posted by owtytrof at 1:51 PM on October 8, 2008

This one is the out-of-context winner:

This is completely up to you, but I think the general consensus (as much as one can be had on a question based purely on personal preference) is bottom is better. Easier to get in and out of.
posted by MadamM at 4:08 PM on October 6 [+] [!] [emphasis mine]
posted by vorfeed at 2:21 PM on October 8, 2008

Lolbottoms
posted by Jofus at 2:23 PM on October 8, 2008

Someone deserves a spanking for this.
posted by TedW at 2:24 PM on October 8, 2008

There are two approaches to this issue. 1) Strategical, 2) tactical 3) land war in Russia.
posted by Free word order! at 2:55 PM on October 8, 2008

Stuff like this really lowers the tone of the whole site.



butts! *snigger*
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:58 PM on October 8, 2008

Full, double, or queen-sized? Standard stuffing, foam, or full of water?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:17 PM on October 8, 2008

I would choose the charm bunk. Failing that, I'd take a gamble on the strange.
posted by Eideteker at 3:19 PM on October 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I used to fall out of my top bunk all the time when I was a kid, which is a really alarming way to wake up. Nonetheless, I would not give up my top bunk, because it was awesomer.
posted by Astro Zombie at 3:32 PM on October 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

I've always wanted a top bunk in a bunk bed, so much that when my parents bought our current house I actually asked whether or not I could get a bunk bed in my room even though my significantly younger sister slept with them. I think I envisioned the bottom bunk as being this awesome fort for all my stuffed animals and books and sketchpads 'n stuff, and the top bunk would be my refuge.

Now, years later, I chuckle at my naivety, and revel in the glory that is a Queen sized bed.
posted by Phire at 3:34 PM on October 8, 2008

I would choose the charm bunk. Failing that, I'd take a gamble on the strange.

We're here; we're quark; get used to it.
posted by cortex (staff) at 3:46 PM on October 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

We're here; we're quark; get used to it.

We're here; we're not here; we're here; we're not here; we're here; we're not here; we're quark; get used to it.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:55 PM on October 8, 2008 [9 favorites]

well, it is 'Tocktober.
posted by By The Grace of God at 4:13 PM on October 8, 2008

These comments are a lot of bunk.
posted by Cranberry at 4:27 PM on October 8, 2008

I'll never forget the first time I had twins...
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:29 PM on October 8, 2008

lol bunks
posted by DU at 4:43 PM on October 8, 2008

I'll just make the point that in re: bunks, farts tend to rise.

Oh, it was a dire and terrible freshman year
posted by scrump at 5:03 PM on October 8, 2008

Yay for out-of-context winner! Also, my goodness. I didn't know!
posted by MadamM at 5:11 PM on October 8, 2008

Oh, I know it's polite to let a thread know they are being discussed on Meta, but I wish we hadn't told them. Now we won't know which ones are unintentional, which is the best part.

But thanks, backseatpilot, this is hysterical.
posted by juliplease at 5:37 PM on October 8, 2008

AskMe mirrors my real life in eerie ways sometimes.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 6:14 PM on October 8, 2008

FTW, jessamyn.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 6:34 PM on October 8, 2008

This is hilarious! You've made my night!!!

Oddly enough, I was on top as a kid. But now more often than not I somehow end up on the bottom.

TMI???
posted by matty at 6:51 PM on October 8, 2008

here's a vote for bottom
posted by netbros at 7:16 PM on October 8, 2008

As long as we're being immature, this reminds me of a game.

Ask someone their least favorite household chore. Doing the dishes.
Why? It hurts my back and my clothes get all wet.
Fair enough. Now replace the chore with "sex." I hate sex because it hurts my back and my clothes get all wet.
Bingo. Hours of fun.

My answer the first time someone did this to me:
Vacuuming--it's too noisy, and it stirs up all the dust so I'm sneezing the whole time.
Took a while to live that down.
posted by hippugeek at 7:43 PM on October 8, 2008 [4 favorites]

I'm amazed, amazed I tell you, to find that nobody has called "eponysterical" on this one. 'Cause it seems so obviously eponysterical to me.
posted by cerebus19 at 8:30 PM on October 8, 2008

The answer to this bunk bed question is, coincidentally, the same as the answer to the "how do I stop being cynical?" question.
posted by cowbellemoo at 8:46 PM on October 8, 2008

When I was a teenager I had a loft bed, to save space in my tiny bedroom. I guess I was a top without a bottom? I can't believe I'm saying this on the internet.
posted by vytae at 8:56 PM on October 8, 2008

As long as we're being immature, this reminds me of a story.

Guy I know had the top bunk in college. He'd planned to go home for the weekend, but changed his plans at the last minute. Went out and had a beer with some friends, came back to the room fairly early, and went to sleep.

Around 2 AM, he hears his roommate open the door. He hears another voice-- a girl's voice. Of course! His roommate thinks he's back home. Not wanting to get in the way of his friend's incipient sexy sex, he decides to just keep quiet and pretend he doesn't hear anything/ feel any shaking.

After a few minutes, it becomes clear to top-bunk-guy that they're going for anal. He tries valiantly not to pay attention to what's going on down below, but it's tough. After a few more minutes, he hears:

"Oh...oh shit. OH SHIT."
"WHAT THE FUCK? JESUS FUCKING CHRIST"

Apparently, the girl had accidentally shit. All over the bed. There is chaos down below, and the top-bunk-guy has not yet figured out what is going on. He gives up on pretending to privacy and leans way over the edge of the bed, trying to see what's going on.

And he falls out and breaks his leg.
posted by bookish at 9:19 PM on October 8, 2008 [18 favorites]

hippugeek, I'm sitting next to ignignokt (who hasn't seen this thread) and just asked him what his least favorite chore is and why.

He said caulking the bathtub, "because you have to dig all the grime out and then put the caulk in."

This is a pretty good game!
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:31 PM on October 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

And he falls out and breaks his leg.

That's a great act. What do you call it?
posted by loquacious at 11:26 PM on October 8, 2008 [9 favorites]

If you're on top you run the risk of falling off.

That's what my mom said IN FRONT OF EVERYONE IN THE CABIN when I went to summer camp (Though not in the same context, I assume.) Humiliated - and mindful of a previous experience where yes, I did fall off a top bunk, but that was so totally a different situation entirely - I 'opted' for a bottom bunk, choosing one in the corner so at least I was somewhat isolated from the rest of the guys in the cabin, who were even bigger momma's boys than me.

Things worked out well for the next three days; I learned to sort of play the ukulele, my life-long love affair with the timeless elegance of the waltz was born, and I managed to evade assault by the scary and sweary boys from the other cabin, the camp apparently being some sort of hybrid experiment in Social Darwinism and the Milgram experiment.

Anyhow, on the morning of the fourth day, I awoke to find myself in what was not my bed. Upon further inspection it turned out it was my bunk, but my tattered red sleeping bag and Garfield pillow case were gone, replaced by some generic linens, and everyone seemed very somber. Understandably concerned I asked what had happened and was told that Danny, the sort of nice guy in the top bunk of the bed next to mine, had fallen in the night and hurt himself, but not badly. That was all well and good and I was glad for Danny (Although I was irritated that mom had been proven right yet again), but frankly, the more pressing issue I was actually concerned with was the whereabouts of my sleeping bag and Garfield pillow.

The counselor hesitated for a moment, perhaps trying to find the gentlest way to break the news, possibly horrified by my callous disregard for the condition of the young man whom the Swim Buddy System, in its arcane wisdom, had designated my savior from a watery death. "Well, Danny wasn't feeling well last night, and, uh, before he fell off his bunk," the counselor stammered, "He, um, threw up over the side of his bunk, sort of diagonally? And it, ah, landed on you and your sleeping bag, so we took you out of it and took your pillow so we could wash them, and we got some spare sheets and a pillow and made up your bed. We would have told you if you have woken up, but you... you didn't wake up."

Moral: Top bunk or bottom, you lose either way, so you may as well just try to get a good night's sleep.

And don't go to camp.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:54 PM on October 8, 2008 [4 favorites]

Now, years later, I chuckle at my naivety, and revel in the glory that is a Queen sized bed.

Two words: loft bed.

AND THE UNDERNEATH IS TOTALLY A FORT OMG
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:16 AM on October 9, 2008

hippugeek, I'm sitting next to ignignokt (who hasn't seen this thread) and just asked him what his least favorite chore is and why.

He said caulking the bathtub, "because you have to dig all the grime out and then put the caulk in."

This is a pretty good game!
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:31 PM on October 8 [2 favorites +] [!]

I asked a coworker this, and she responded, "Washing the floors. The get so dirty. Kids, a husband and dogs will do that."

I couldn't bring myself to finish the game.
posted by WinnipegDragon at 6:32 AM on October 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

Being far older than my siblings, I never got to enjoy the greatness that was bunks, so now, years later, when my dog or cat falls asleep under my bed I revel in the fact that I have the top bunk.

Tops rule.
posted by quin at 7:27 AM on October 9, 2008 [1 favorite]

I asked a friend what her least favorite household chore was and she said "sex with my husband". Buzzkill.
posted by The Bellman at 7:42 AM on October 9, 2008 [3 favorites]

he decides to just keep quiet and pretend

*gasping for air, laughing so hard, after reading your comment

Both bunks, top and bottom, are great for different reasons.
posted by nickyskye at 11:18 AM on October 9, 2008

All I can say is, after looking at the advertisements on that question's page and spying this set-up, I'd like to punch Today's College Student right in the face. In MY day we pounded our lofts together out of two-by-fours with dodgy plans scrawled on pieces of loose leaf! Sometimes they collapsed and killed people!
posted by nanojath at 3:42 PM on October 9, 2008

nanojath: when I lived in the east village, I took a friend's hastily-and-poorly-constructed loft bed from the apartment downstairs that he was moving out of, and reassembled it to my own new room, which didn't even work with his prior specifications. I was roughly a foot and a half from the ceiling, and had to climb into bed through a window well. Sex was a sport of avoiding the open light socket. We kept camping chairs underneath in order to watch t.v.

If I'm ever a grandfather, this will be the "three miles of snow uphill both ways" story that I tell my grandkids until their parents decide never to let me visit again.
posted by Navelgazer at 9:20 PM on October 9, 2008

Very funny. My two favourites:

Bottom, so when the guy on top starts snoring you can kick.

Top. Fewer incursions by unwelcome guests.
posted by Neiltupper at 1:24 AM on October 10, 2008

Dnab, I would actually kill for a loft apartment, let alone loft bed.
posted by Phire at 1:14 PM on October 10, 2008

This post has had me giggling like an idiot every time I see it in my recent activity feed.

And yet it was your comment that turned it from a fond collection of childhood stories and strategies to a ghoulish repository for uncomfortable visuals.

Still: fun.
posted by kittyprecious at 1:22 PM on October 10, 2008