Palinfilter

October 24, 2008 12:12 PM

3 FPP Palins in one day? Enough already!

I realize that Ms. Palin EATS BABBYS and WANTS US ALL DEAD, but maybe we could have a day or two off? Maybe just two anti-Palin posts a day would be enough?

posted by jenkinsEar to MetaFilter-related at 12:12 PM (115 comments total)

Palin Fridays!
posted by Astro Zombie at 12:17 PM on October 24, 2008 [6 favorites]

I don't understand what unit of measure an "FPP Palin" is.
posted by Science! at 12:18 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

I don't understand what unit of measure an "FPP Palin" is.

Apparently it's infinity.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 12:20 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

I think he meant Palin-related-Front-Page-Posts or PrFPPs. Which I think is expressed in ergs-squared per meter-squared-ampere-kilogram.
posted by GuyZero at 12:21 PM on October 24, 2008

I don't understand the "$NUMBER of $SUBJECT" objection. Your mouse doesn't have a scrollwheel? Your RSS reader doesn't have a "mark as read" option?

Palin is extremely topical for a large segment of the largest userbase (and very important to the rest). And in 2 weeks, it will (likely) be history anyway. Get over it.
posted by DU at 12:22 PM on October 24, 2008

There was certainly at least one too many on the front page up until a minute ago, yes.

We're really trying to find a balance between unchecked overload and going into slash-and-burn mode. I think there's going to be more election-related stuff on the front page than I'd personally like for the next week and a half pretty much no matter what, but we're gonna keep trimming the crappier/lazier stuff as we see it.

What I'd love to see is more people showing restraint on the front end in that capacity—fewer meh Palin/politics posts in the first place would be better than having to cull the stuff, certainly. But these are bumpy, anxious days and that's not a likely outcome.

I almost want to ask pb to put up a "Days Until Election" counter on the admin page to match the "Days Since A Bannin'" counter.
posted by cortex at 12:25 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Elric of Melnibone would have been a way better VP pick. The albino´s ancient sorcery would be more than a match for Putin´s nigromancy, and Stormbringer would soon devour the souls of both bin Laden and the efreets that harbour him. Blood and votes for Arioch!
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 12:26 PM on October 24, 2008 [20 favorites]

Science!: "I don't understand what unit of measure an "FPP Palin" is."

17 Self-Link Mitt Romneys = 1 Lurking Roger Clinton
88.125 Lurking Roger Clinton = 1 FPP Palin
3 FPP Palins = 1 MeTa Gwen Ifill
7 MeTa Gwen Ifill = 1 AskMe McCain
488.1 AskMe McCains = 1 Projects Karl Rove
16 Projects Karl Roves = 1 Travel Howard Dean

I know it's confusing, and it's exactly why we need to adopt the metric system. It'd make this kind of thing so much simpler.
posted by Plutor at 12:27 PM on October 24, 2008 [31 favorites]

The chick who carved the backward B on her face would be a better VP pick.
posted by fixedgear at 12:27 PM on October 24, 2008 [7 favorites]

The effect that the Palin phenomenon has had on the site is, for the mod staff, a lot like an ice cream headache without the ice cream.
posted by cortex at 12:29 PM on October 24, 2008 [13 favorites]

Without even scrolling all the way down the page, I found 3 posts about games, 3 about music and 3 about computers.

OMGGAMEFILTERMUSICFILTERCOMPUTERFILTERTHEENDOFTHEWORLDISUPONUS
posted by DU at 12:30 PM on October 24, 2008

I spent the last few minutes trying to relate it to kilocalories in a hogshead of dynamite but I gave up.

True story: I've been working with a construction crew and an experienced framer called out a measurement, plus what distance should be subtracted from it and I just stood there stunned. I said, "Dude, I speak metric." He shook his head and said, "72 and 5/8ths".
posted by Science! at 12:31 PM on October 24, 2008

I think there's going to be more election-related stuff on the front page than I'd personally like for the next week and a half

Then you have several months of voting fraud posts to look forward to.
posted by bondcliff at 12:33 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Without even scrolling all the way down the page, I found 3 posts about games, 3 about music and 3 about computers.

Those are much broader subjects than a single person. If there were 3 posts about Ghandi in one day, they'd probably be looked at closely to see if some of them needed to be deleted.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:35 PM on October 24, 2008

But but but but if we can't post about Palin, who can I hit?
posted by Stynxno at 12:37 PM on October 24, 2008

Also, I'm waiting for a screamo band to name themselves Palin.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:41 PM on October 24, 2008

Ummm yeah. As regards election posts its not like half the people who comment on these things aren't reading political sites anyway.
posted by ob at 12:41 PM on October 24, 2008

3 FPP Palins in one day? Enough already!

Agreed, it's crazy. Please flag these when you see them and even when we're otherwise busy we'll try to corral Palin talk into no more than one thread per day with any luck at all.
posted by jessamyn at 12:42 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

Also, I'm waiting for a screamo band to name themselves Palin.

Well, one could form a political metal band called ImPalin
posted by ob at 12:43 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I almost want to ask pb to put up a "Days Until Election" counter on the admin page to match the "Days Since A Bannin'" counter.

Which election? Discussion of her potential 2012 run has already started. Over four years you'll really grow to hate the counter.
posted by mandal at 12:43 PM on October 24, 2008

True story: I've been working with a construction crew and an experienced framer called out a measurement, plus what distance should be subtracted from it and I just stood there stunned. I said, "Dude, I speak metric." He shook his head and said, "72 and 5/8ths".

My father has been a carpenter for 40 years. When it comes to adding improper fractions he is damned near instantaneous.
posted by mrmojoflying at 12:45 PM on October 24, 2008

Now that jessamyn says there will be "no more than one [Palin] thread per day with any luck at all," I'm going to spend the weekend writing up Monday's exclusive Palin FPP!

Or maybe not.
posted by cjorgensen at 12:48 PM on October 24, 2008

Does this count as a Palin thread?
posted by stubby phillips at 12:49 PM on October 24, 2008

Posting too much about the election? That's a Palin'
posted by ALongDecember at 12:50 PM on October 24, 2008 [10 favorites]

The excess Palin threads should be shot from a helicopter.
posted by drezdn at 12:54 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

Also, maybe we could just add Palin as a flagged selection.
posted by drezdn at 12:55 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

There are so many I didn't know where to post the funniest gaffe clip I've seen in a while. Just thank me for not making it it's own FPP.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 12:55 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Speaking of gaffe: ...its own...

DAMMIT!
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 12:56 PM on October 24, 2008

THIS PLACE IS TURNING INTO A PALIN-DROME!!! AMIRITE?

sit on a potato pan, otis
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 12:56 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Without even scrolling all the way down the page, I found 3 posts about games, 3 about music and 3 about computers.

OMGGAMEFILTERMUSICFILTERCOMPUTERFILTERTHEENDOFTHEWORLDISUPONUS
posted by DU at 3:30 PM on October 24

Without even scrolling all the way down this thread, I noticed that DU is a doodyhead.
posted by shmegegge at 12:58 PM on October 24, 2008

That gaffe is hilarious and made all the more so by the stunned silence in the crowd. Damn, he really is a maverick, huh?
posted by ob at 12:59 PM on October 24, 2008

Your favorite bête noir sucks.
posted by aught at 1:01 PM on October 24, 2008

Can't anybody create links any more?
posted by timeistight at 1:03 PM on October 24, 2008

Waitwaitwait.

Where is this "days since banning" counter? I want to see this on my front page!
posted by backseatpilot at 1:06 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

we'll try to corral Palin talk into no more than one thread per day with any luck at all

Actual video of admins trying to corral Palin talk.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 1:09 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

I know it doesn't matter, but I like the Palin posts. My day consists of a browser window with MetaFilter, PoliticalFilter, 538, The Huffington Post, NYT, and CNN in separate tabs. I reload these until an article related to the presidential race is posted. Sometimes I check the deleted posts on MeFi for stuff I may have missed, even if they're bad posts.

I wish I were joking.
posted by Nattie at 1:12 PM on October 24, 2008 [10 favorites]

I'm a big political junkie. There have been at least two relatively hot political threads rolling for the past couple of weeks, and we don't need a new one every four hours. Just jump in to the ongoing threads until something biggish happens. I would actually like fewer threads not because I'm sick of political threads, but becuase it's too crazy to track too many at once.
posted by Miko at 1:15 PM on October 24, 2008 [7 favorites]

The War of Jenkin's Ear!
posted by SaintCynr at 1:18 PM on October 24, 2008

Someone needs a hug.



hint: it's me.
posted by blue_beetle at 1:24 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm with Miko. I'd be for an agressive enforcement of a one political thread a day, that everyone can join in on. Every single Palin joke and political beanplate doesn't deserve its own thread. That isn't even remotely the best of the web, and it breaks the guidelines. I will do my part by not whining about this again, and flagging all political posts accordingly.
posted by potch at 1:24 PM on October 24, 2008

Miko said in a reasonable way what I came in here to sputter and swear about.
posted by Divine_Wino at 1:35 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I wish there was a thread called "daily political thread" that I could look for. When I work for a couple days I have trouble finding the active ones that are off the front page. Then everyone would just post their finds in the "daily thread." And it would all be contained for me to look at on my days off!
posted by dog food sugar at 1:37 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

That's no reason not to sputter and swear! I'm disappointed.
posted by Miko at 1:38 PM on October 24, 2008

Well you can hardly blame us, Bidenfilter posts really Palin comparison.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 1:38 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Miko said in a reasonable way what I came in here to sputter and swear about. -Divine_Wino

That "reasonable" deal, that's her MO. Makes us swearing sputterers look bad.
posted by Mister_A at 1:45 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Palin, Palin, Palin, Palin, Pail in. Paleⁿ.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 1:50 PM on October 24, 2008

yeah, can you guys just hurry up and have your election so we can get back to some more interesting threads?
posted by UbuRoivas at 1:56 PM on October 24, 2008 [5 favorites]

an experienced framer called out a measurement, plus what distance should be subtracted from it and I just stood there stunned. I said, "Dude, I speak metric." He shook his head and said, "72 and 5/8ths".

I don't get it- were you asking him to switch to metric?
posted by small_ruminant at 2:08 PM on October 24, 2008

He was asking him to do the calculation.
posted by fixedgear at 2:08 PM on October 24, 2008

Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin
Moose-BURGER Moose-BURGER,
Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin
Moose-BURGER Moose-BURGER,
Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin
Moose-BURGER Moose-BURGER,

Mc-Caiiiiin, Mc-Caiiiiin, oh it's Mc-Caiiiiiin.....


I'm sorry.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:10 PM on October 24, 2008 [5 favorites]

Here's what Canada's best political cartoonist has to say about Palin.
posted by KokuRyu at 2:22 PM on October 24, 2008

THIS PLACE IS TURNING INTO A PALIN-DROME!!! AMIRITE?

More like Palin-drone
posted by never used baby shoes at 2:25 PM on October 24, 2008

Nattie - don't forget to add in Talking Points Memo and (yes) Andrew Sullivan.
posted by rtha at 2:32 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

I'm sorry.

No you aren't, nor should you be.
posted by SpiffyRob at 3:00 PM on October 24, 2008

Metafilter: Miko said in a reasonable way what I came in here to sputter and swear about.
posted by dersins at 3:01 PM on October 24, 2008 [15 favorites]

Where is this "days since banning" counter?

Think Safety!
posted by cortex at 3:05 PM on October 24, 2008

"Palin is extremely topical for a large segment of the largest userbase (and very important to the rest). And in 2 weeks, it will (likely) be history anyway. Get over it."

If it's going to be unimportant in two weeks, then it's probably NOT A GOOD POST.

God, it's like that you forget that topical treatments are for RASHES.
posted by klangklangston at 3:29 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

Maybe we could have a politic filter moratorium from right after the election until 2050.
posted by LarryC at 3:38 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

The pain ends in less than two weeks, with exception of course of the post election celebration or complaining.
posted by caddis at 3:39 PM on October 24, 2008

I'm glad it is only in the last two weeks of this election cycle that ElectionFilter has gotten to be as dense as it seemed to be in '04. Thank you Matt, Jessamyn and Cortex.
posted by sciurus at 3:44 PM on October 24, 2008

Let's just call each one a PFPP -- which is also the sound I make when I see one.
posted by davejay at 3:47 PM on October 24, 2008

What should we call one if it's based on a statement from Nancy Pfotenhauer?
posted by cortex at 3:51 PM on October 24, 2008

The palin ends in less than two weeks, with exception of course of the post election celebration or complaining.
posted by fixedgear at 4:04 PM on October 24, 2008

compalining?
posted by cortex at 4:06 PM on October 24, 2008

Without even scrolling all the way down the page I couldn't find even one Fraggle Rock post. I can't wait for this damned election to be over.
posted by Sailormom at 4:35 PM on October 24, 2008

I almost starting to miss the days when we bitched about Ann Coulter non-stop. Has anybody gotten Coulter's opinion on Palin? Maybe we could rotate them, play Musical Pyscho Moron Neocon Women.

Maybe Palin is Coulter. She'll get elected, take the oath, then peel off her skin and reveal that blone mandibled maw.

I need to lie down.
posted by jonmc at 4:45 PM on October 24, 2008

What should we call one if it's based on a statement from Nancy Pfotenhauer?

Let's just say you don't want to know why I make that noise.
posted by davejay at 5:27 PM on October 24, 2008

3 FPP Palins = 1 MeTa Gwen Ifill
7 MeTa Gwen Ifill = 1 AskMe McCain

Q : Why Didn't Sarah Palin wear a skimpy dress to the debate?
A : Because she didn't want to give Gwen an eyeful.

Q : Why didn't Biden bring a famous French landmark to the debate?
A : Because he didn't want to give Gwen an Eiffel.

Q : Why didn't Sarah Palin bring Apple Computer's new bicycle pump to the debate?
A : Because she didn't want to give Gwen an iFill.

Ok, so there's a young trumpet player who sidelines as a pop song composer. He works in the Brill Building, circa 1940.

One day, he's invited up to the office of his boss's boss, Mister Mushkin. Now, this is a big deal. Mushkin doesn't talk to just anybody. Every day, the contracts for hundreds of songs go through his hands. They inevitably come from some young songwriter; a Rizzo, or a Blazo, or a Pishniak. A guy with nothing but big dreams of playing with the likes of Glenn Miller and Louis Armstrong, but who nonetheless must make ends meet writing ditties like, "Love Me, Adeline" or "You Sure Do Knock Me Out, Roberta," or "All The Girls Love My Studebaker Car." Mushkin turns these songs into Big Hits, making a fortune for the company, and maybe even a little scratch for the shlub. Maybe.

Aloicious T. Sylverstersmith has only met Mushkin once. A long time ago.

Silversmith walks down the hallway of Mushkin Music. From every closed doorway comes a cacaphony of sound. An Ethel Merman soundalike behind one. A song-and-dance man behind another. Perhaps even a dixieland band (white, of course) carrying on somewhere.

He sees the old janitor, Albert Krebs, mopping the floor. Albert is hunched over, a dessicated, walking prune of a man. The kids call him Zuccini Face. Still, a guy with a bigger heart you never met.

"So, I heard that you have an appointment with the big man! Some thing about your latest tune, 'Baby Sure Do Love Her New Air Conditioner." I hear he's taken quite a shine to it!"
"How come you always know these things before I do, Albert?"
"Oh, a man has ways, Aloicious. You know, I've been here in the Brill since the beginning. They say I can spot talent a mile away ...."
"Then how come you're here mopping the floors?"
"Oh, a man's got to do something, I guess. Got-ta do something. You know, I've been here a while now. A long, long while. If these walls could talk, they would sing!"
"I don't doubt that Albert," Aloicous says consolingly, as he pats the old man on the back, "I don't doubt it."

Aloicious arrives at Mushkin's. doorway. It reads :

Philip K. Mushkin
talent king

Aloicious knocks. "Come in, " cries a whiskey-tinged voice. "Come on, whaddaya waitin' for."

Aloicious pushes the door open hesitantly. Mushkin's office is much the same as it was years ago. The walls are covered in politcal cartoons and golden records. Mushkin, bald, corpulent, drunk, reclines with his feet on his desk, cigar clenched in mouth.

"Sylvestersmith! What a guy! Whatta guy! When we first brought you on wha'd I telllya, wha'd I say? I said, "this is a man with a future! You know why I brought you in here today? You know why I brought you in?"
"I, uh... no, I don't. What's up Mister Mushkin?"
"Please, call me Phil. Look, I have a proposition for you. Your latest, what is it? Cross a River in My Flivver? My Woman Does The Charleston?"
"Actually, it's My Baby Sure Do--"
"Oh I'm sure she does, Sylvestersmith, I'm sure she does. But here, listen to me, I've been in this business a long time, and I know it better than I know my turds. And I know you think that sounds funny, but you can tell a lot about a man's health by looking at his turds. But that's not what I brought you here to tell you about. Listen, a man is the sum total of all of his experiences. Do you agree with that?"

Mushkin takes a puff of his cigar, blows out a cloud of smoke.

"Sure, Mister-- um, Phil. Sure."
"Then you agree that a man's experiences are like his ingredients. A man is sort of like a cake. You put in a buncha nutmeg, and the man's gonna be a little nutty, you get it?"

Mushkin begins to laugh; a great, tectonic movement that shakes all the fat rolls on his body. Aloicious tries his best to manage a laugh, but really, deep down, he's scared retarded. He sees the gun on the desk.

"Tell me something, Sylvestersmith, what did you do before you were a songwriter?"
"Well, I played the trumpet in a combo called The Bill Clavins Five. I think you'd really like -"
"I don't mean your little band. I mean before that. Before you were a musician."
"Um, I don't like to talk about the past, Phil."
"Okay, then, I'll help you out. You were a dealer in prosthetics, isn't that right?"
"Well, I... I .... I worked for a dealer in prosthetics, actually, it wasn't my-"
"Save it, Sylvestersmith. I know where you worked. Ten years ago a woman walked into your shop, my sister, Gwendolyn Mushkin. Ring any bells?"
"Um, not -"
"I SAY RING ANY BELLS?!" shouts Mushkin, as he throws his whiskey glass across the room. It hits a framed Thomas Nast cartoon and shatters.

"Well, I think I recall someone, but it was such a long -"
"She came in, and all she asked you for a replacement glass eyeball. And you didn't give her one, did you?"
"We didn't have -"
"DIDN'T YOU!?" Mushkin grabs the pistol off the desk and points it at Aloicious.
"But, we really didn't have any -"
"YES YOU DID, ALOICIOUS! YES YOU DID. She knew, because she saw the truck from the Glass Eye Emporium pull away from the building!"
"Um, Phil, with all due respect, is it possible that she was mistaken? I mean, she only had one-"
"SHADDUP, WILLYA!? I DO THE TALKING. And because you didn't give her a replacement glass eye, she could't go to the Grande Ball that night. You see, Aloicious, I looked into the future. I've seen the future as it should have been, and the future as it is. You see, in the future as it should have been, the 2008 Democratic contender for US Vice President is a man named Joe Biden. This Joe Biden is actually my great-grandnephew. His great-grandmother is my sister."

Mushkin looks at Silvestersmith expectantly. Not seeing the recognition that he hoped for, he continues.

"You see, Aloicous, there's this thing called the Quantum Uncertainty Principal, a very clever fellow name of Einstein will come up with it in a few years. It more or less says that for every possible decision, every possible possibility, there's a universe in which that possibility comes true, you see?"
"Um"
"Well, I know all this smart talk is wasted on a Talented Guy Like You. By the way, your Air Conditioner song? Total crap. Anyway, ten years ago, you changed the course of history. Since you didn't sell my sister a glass eye, and she didn't make it to the Grande Ball, she never met the man who she was supposed to marry. Instead, she ran off with a bunko artist by the name of Stu Pigeonbottom. His specialty was dropping flowerpots on the heads of sailors on shoreleave and stealing their wallets. Anyway, since my sister doesn't meet the man who she was supposed to marry, Joe Biden, the future Vice Presidential fellow, was never born. So in 2008, the Democratic Vice Presidential nomination goes to a man named Deafmute Bronchitus. Bronchitus has terrible stage presence, and loses the Vice Presidential debate to a woman named Sarah Palin. A real looker, that one. Anyway, the Democrats lose, and the new Republican president has a heart attack, leaving Sarah Palin in charge. She launches a nuclear war on Spain, and everyone in the world dies. Do you see why this is a problem, Aloicious?"
"Well, I guess it's not really my problem, per se..."
"DO YOU SEE WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM, ALOICIOUS!?" Mushkin shouts as he picks up the pistol and discharges a round into the ceiling. Plaster dust floats down.

Aloicious gulps.

"Yeah, I could see whay this is a - hey, what's a nuclear war?"
"Doesn't matter. The point is, everybody dies. Now, do you see how you could have changed history, had you just sold my sister a glass eye? DO YOU!?"
"Listen, I.... I know it's no excuse, but I just couldn't let it go. This was during the Great Glass Eyeball Shortage of '23! That crate of glass eyeballs was destined for a cadre of eyeless Texas oil millionaires. They were worth a fortune!"
"WORTH A FORTUNE IN HUMAN LIFE, MORE LIKE IT!"

Mushkin lunges across the desk, and holds the gun to Aloicious's head, this time like he means it.

"Now say it goddamn it, I want to hear it from your mouth, in your words, you nutty fruitbag. Why do the Democrats lose the Vice Presidential debate, causing everybody on the earth to die in year 2009?"

Aloicious rolls his eyes, and lets loose a disgusted sigh.

"Because I didn't want to give Gwen an eye, Phil."
posted by Afroblanco at 5:43 PM on October 24, 2008 [24 favorites]

I thought for sure that was going to end "The Aristocrats!"
posted by jenkinsEar at 5:53 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

That's no reason not to sputter and swear! I'm disappointed.

By Lord Vishnu's musky perineum can we not maintain some f-f-f-f-ucking s-s-s-s-emblance of control over ourselves and have by the weeping wounds of Christ one assgobbling pustule of a political thread a day at the maximum*?




*I'm good with politics threads, it's interesting times and I read fast, so the long ones are pretty good and usually develop an interesting narrative, but the one after another one link/one tiny point anti-McCain/Palin threads are silly and of little use.
posted by Divine_Wino at 5:53 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

holy shit
posted by marxchivist at 5:56 PM on October 24, 2008

But I was so hammered
I stuttered and stammered....
posted by fixedgear at 6:29 PM on October 24, 2008

Ok, can't believe I read that whole glass eye story for that line and I like tall tales.

Reminds me of a joke:

A man with a wooden eye goes to a dance with a friend of his, Bart. The friend is encouraging the man to dance with a woman. "Bart, no woman would want to dance with a guy with a wooden eye."

Bart says (being a helpful friend), "What about that one there? The one with the hair-lip."

So the man sidles up to the woman, shyly asks, "Want to dance?"

Her eyes light up, she looks at him and says, "Oh would I!"

The man replies, "Hair-lip! Hair-lip! Hair-lip!"
posted by cjorgensen at 6:45 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

small_ruminant: "an experienced framer called out a measurement, plus what distance should be subtracted from it and I just stood there stunned. I said, "Dude, I speak metric." He shook his head and said, "72 and 5/8ths".

I don't get it- were you asking him to switch to metric?"

More that I was silently begging him to do the calculation. I could have done it, and did others in a few moments with a pencil and some scrap wood, but he did it a hundred times faster in his head.

Still, metric makes more sense.
posted by Science! at 7:11 PM on October 24, 2008

So then, the woman keeps walking around the dance floor.

And on the other side of the room is Bart and another friend of his. This friend happens to have a growth on his forehead, sort of a mushroom-like thing.

Bart thinks that maybe this friend will have better luck with her, so he encourages him to go ask her to dance.

This second man sidles up to the woman, and like the man before him, shyly asks, "Want to dance?"

Her eyes light up, she looks at him and says, "Sure! You look like a real fun guy!"

The man replies, "Well, you look like a hair-lip!" and runs away.
posted by salvia at 7:23 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

Still, metric makes more sense.

"I'm gonna give you every centimeter of my love..." dosen't sing as well.
posted by jonmc at 7:27 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

Without even scrolling all the way down the page I couldn't find even one Fraggle Rock post.

Is that a request? I have some crackpot theories about Doozers I could share with you all.
posted by Tehanu at 7:36 PM on October 24, 2008

Also, I'd never heard the wood eye / fungi jokes with the "hair-lip" part. The way I heard it, the guy was going to ask her out to a dance, and when she says that, he feels mortified and runs away. (It seems meaner with the hair lip part. What's a hair lip anyway? *goes off to google*)
posted by salvia at 7:39 PM on October 24, 2008

You should see how many Palin threads get whacked. You think it's bad like it is...
posted by Cyrano at 7:41 PM on October 24, 2008

Try spelling it "harelip."

Wood-eye/Harelip is an old old classic joke!
posted by Miko at 7:45 PM on October 24, 2008

Wood-eye/Harelip is an old old classic joke!

like this one:

A walrus takes his car to a mechanic.

Mechanic says, "It will be a little while before I can figure out what's wrong with it. There's a shop across the street you can pass the time at."

So the walrus heads across the street and orders some ice cream

So the penguin finishes his ice cream, but his fins are too short to clean himself. So the walrus heads back to the mechanics with ice cream all over his face.

When the penguin reaches the mechanic's shop the mechanic announces "It look like you blew a seal."

The penguin looking horrified exclaims, "No I didn't! I just had some ice cream!"
posted by jonmc at 8:00 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Crap. I seem to have switched animals midstream.
posted by jonmc at 8:04 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Hell yeah you did. And it made it that much more awesome.
posted by Science! at 8:08 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

Crap. I failed to make a joke about facials and switching midstream. That would've been really funny.
posted by Science! at 8:09 PM on October 24, 2008

Is "ball-gag" one word or two?
posted by Class Goat at 8:13 PM on October 24, 2008

Hell yeah you did. And it made it that much more awesome.

You ever hear Taylor Negron's riff on Bewitched?

"First there was Dick York. Then there was Dick Sargent. You don't switch Dicks midstream!"
posted by jonmc at 8:15 PM on October 24, 2008

I am desperately eager to hear crackpot theories about Doozers.
posted by winna at 8:31 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

winna: have you ever worked in retail? If so, you may have encountered an inventory company called RGIS. They go through stores scanning barcodes with scanners strapped to their belts. They all wear short-sleeved white shirts and work silently but incredibly efficiently. We used to call them 'Doozers.'
posted by jonmc at 8:34 PM on October 24, 2008

The comic strip Retail had a great take on how shady the RGIS people seem to be in general.
posted by drezdn at 8:38 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't know anything about that, but in action it was like watching an ant farm. or Doozers.
posted by jonmc at 8:39 PM on October 24, 2008

RGIS is a sociology dissertation waiting to happen.
posted by ltracey at 8:48 PM on October 24, 2008

Is "ball-gag" one word or two?

It's more of a muffled protest if you're doing it right.
posted by cortex at 8:54 PM on October 24, 2008 [4 favorites]

Well you know what happens to a Doozer who doesn't work, right? They become a Fraggle.
posted by Tehanu at 9:01 PM on October 24, 2008

This old rancher in Montana hates wearing a seat belt, but one day he's driving on the highway with his wife and sees a state patrol car behind him.

He says to his wife, "Quick, take the wheel! I gotta put my seat belt on!"

So she does, and right then the patrolman pulls them over. He walks up to the car and says, "Say, I noticed you weren't wearing your seat belt."

The rancher says, "I was too, but you don't have to take my word for it - my wife here is a good Christian woman, ask her; she'll tell you the truth. She doesn't lie about anything."

The cop says to the wife, "So? How about it, ma'am?"

And the wife says: "I've been married to Buck for fifty years, officer, and one thing I've learned in all that time is this - you never argue with him when he's drunk."
posted by netbros at 9:03 PM on October 24, 2008 [3 favorites]

Who decided it was a good idea to consult a trash heap for advice?
posted by drezdn at 9:03 PM on October 24, 2008

She's orange peel, she's coffee grounds, she's wisdom!
posted by Tehanu at 9:06 PM on October 24, 2008 [2 favorites]

Man now I want a front page post about Taylor Negron.

In lieu of that happening: mods, are we done here?
posted by jtron at 10:32 PM on October 24, 2008

Pfotenhauer?

It's 7 AM to 7 PM here.
posted by lukemeister at 11:06 PM on October 24, 2008 [1 favorite]

I found 3 posts about games, 3 about music and 3 about computers

Assuming you're not just talking out of your ass, I agree that three posts about the same game, three on the same music, and three about the same computer is pretty outrageous, and deserve quick and painful deaths.

Assuming you're not just talking out of your ass.

Sweet lord do I love that penguin joke.
posted by Alvy Ampersand at 11:45 PM on October 24, 2008

100. Booya!
posted by clearly at 1:46 AM on October 25, 2008

"Because I didn't want to give Gwen an eye, Phil."


I don't get it.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 3:14 AM on October 25, 2008

I followed the entire Clinton/Lewinski debacle (and the OJ trial) through the medium of MAD magazine. Now I have metafilter to follow for American current news/political trends. It's good, but needs more fold-in pages. And Sergio Aragones.
posted by slimepuppy at 7:30 AM on October 25, 2008 [2 favorites]

Hmm. Ann Coulter has been pretty quiet recently. Off to work on an FPP!

keeding
posted by bardic at 8:26 AM on October 25, 2008

Chill baby chill
posted by lukemeister at 8:28 AM on October 25, 2008

Is "ball-gag" one word or two?

I ask the questions around here, slave.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 8:54 AM on October 25, 2008 [3 favorites]

painfilter
posted by daniel_charms at 9:10 AM on October 25, 2008

Coulter is keeping a low profile and hoping the whole "voting fraud" thing will die down, because.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 9:52 AM on October 25, 2008 [2 favorites]

I don't understand the "$NUMBER of $SUBJECT" objection. Your mouse doesn't have a scrollwheel? Your RSS reader doesn't have a "mark as read" option?

Yeah, I've never gotten why this comes up so much. Instead of grousing on MetaTalk, why not just ignore those posts and post more of what you'd like to see?

Oh, wait. Grousing is more fun, and you get more attention that way.
posted by ignignokt at 10:43 AM on October 25, 2008 [1 favorite]

The "Wood eye?" joke is one that my father and I have boiled down purely to the punchline, which makes us giggle in public.
posted by klangklangston at 11:24 AM on October 25, 2008

*tickles grouse*
posted by YoBananaBoy at 1:58 PM on October 25, 2008

There is this kind of rhyming-slang/dozens thing in Mexico called "albures".

The Spanish word for "stick" is "palo", a male gendered noun, in albures "palo" means penis.

"Echarse un palo", literally to "throw on a stick", means to have sex. This can be shortened to "palo", giving "palo" two possible meaning, depending on context: penis or secual intercourse.

You can substitute the last part of a male noun with "in" to make a diminutive. Thus "palo" becomes "palin", literally "small stick", but in albures it means either "small penis" or "quickie", fast sexual intercourse.

You can see how much fun we Mexicans have been having lately with USA election news.

------

In one of his books, one that is mostly an allegory of USA/Mexico relations, Hector Aguilar Camin (cant' find accents in this computer) has a female teenage character who is dating two Israeli boys, one of which had his father killed in a Palestinian attack.

At one point the girl asks the guy "Vengamos a tu padre?", "Shall we avenge your dad?", and they proceed to have wild sex.

Any self respecting Mexican over 11 years old automatically makes the following mental association: Avenge your dad (Vengar a tu padre) --> Kill a Palestinian (Echarse un palestino)--> Palestinian is similar to "Palo" --> Avenge your dad (Vengar a tu padre) === Have sex (Echarse un palo).
posted by dirty lies at 1:00 AM on October 26, 2008 [2 favorites]

Damn, forgot the second part of why we are having fun with your news.

McCain easily turns into "Macana", or nightstick. Macana can also mean Large Penis.

The Republican party's candidates are then: Macana and Palin (accent over the "i" please).

Large Penis and Little Penis.
posted by dirty lies at 1:04 AM on October 26, 2008 [4 favorites]

The "Wood eye?" joke is one that my father and I have boiled down purely to the punchline, which makes us giggle in public.
For me, it's "Ed Zachary".
posted by Wolfdog at 12:54 PM on October 26, 2008

Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin
Moose-BURGER Moose-BURGER,
Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin
Moose-BURGER Moose-BURGER,
Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin Palin
Moose-BURGER Moose-BURGER,

Mc-Caiiiiin, Mc-Caiiiiin, oh it's Mc-Caiiiiiin.....


I'm sorry.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:10 PM on October 24 [4 favorites -] Favorite added! [!]

I laughed until it hurt, God I hate Monday. For those that don't get it: Link
posted by Mastercheddaar at 6:02 AM on October 27, 2008

A walrus takes his car to a mechanic.

Signs I spend too much time online, #374: I was hoping the punchline was "Noooooo they be stealin' my bukkit!"
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:51 AM on October 27, 2008